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You're Undead to Me

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[Salvatore's cellar.]

DAMON: Where is my ring?
STEFAN: Won't be needing it anymore.
DAMON: How long have I been here?
STEFAN: Three days.
DAMON: What are you doing?
STEFAN: During the dark ages when a vampire's actions threatened to expose or bring harm upon the entire race, they would face judgment. They sought to reeducate them rather than to punish them.
DAMON: You know what will happen if i don't... Feed on blood.
STEFAN: You'll grow weaker and weaker. Eventually you won't be able to move or speak. In a week your skin will desiccate, and you'll mummify. A living corpse. Unable to hurt anyone. Ever.
DAMON: So what, you're just going to leave me in the basement, forever?
STEFAN: I've injected you with enough vervain to keep you weak. Once your circulation stops, I'll move you to the family crypt, and then in 50 years, we can reevaluate.
DAMON: I'm stronger than you think.
STEFAN: You always have been. But you're not stronger than the vervain. And we both know it. I'm sorry. Didn't have to be this way.

[Elena's house.]

Elena is waking up and going to the bathroom. She meets Vicki.
VICKI: I--i'm sorry, i'm almost done.
ELENA: It's--it's ok. Take your time.
Elena leaves and Vicki goes to Jeremy's room.
VICKI: I think you might be in trouble.
JEREMY: What did you do?
VICKI: Oh, Elena saw me.
JEREMY: I'm a drug-using delinquent. A girl in bed doesn't really rank.
Elena finds Jenna in the kitchen.
ELENA: Jenna! Are you aware of what's going on upstairs?
JENNA: Uh-huh.
ELENA: And you have no objection?
JENNA: He could be craftier about it, at least make an effort to sneak her in and out. Oh, and just so you know, I won't be home for dinner.
ELENA: Oh, so you're actually going to do it. You're gonna go out with Logan.
JENNA: I'm going to show up and torture him, yes. And have you heard from Stefan?
ELENA: Not since that very vague message three days ago. "Hi, um, Elena, I, um, have something I have to do. I'll, uh, explain in a few days."
JENNA: Haven't you called him?
ELENA: Nope. Not going to, either.
JENNA: And you're ok with everything?
ELENA: No, I'm not ok with any of it. But I'm not gonna cry about it, either. You know, I was going to write in my diary this morning and then I thought, what am I going to write? Honestly, I'm not gonna be one of those pathetic girls whose world stops spinning because of some guy.
JENNA: Ok, then.
ELENA: I'll be fine.

[Salvatore's house.]

STEFAN: He's awake. He's awake, but it's probably best to stay out of the basement. He's Damon. I'm not sure how dangerous he still might be.
ZACH: You're going to school?
STEFAN: Came here to live a life. It's about time i get back to that. And Elena, if she's still speaking to me.
ZACH: Why haven't you called her?
STEFAN: Am suppose to do, feed her another lie? Vampire Diaries Damon Salvatore D Crest Ring
I hate lying to her, Zach. I'm not good at it. She already thinks I'm hiding something.
ZACH: What choice do you have? You came here because you wanted to live as normal a life as you could. You knew this was going to be a part of it.

[Caroline's bedroom.]

CAROLINE: I remember the party. Damon came up behind me, and he was kissing my neck, or biting my neck. I passed out. It's like there's holes in my memory lately. It's just weird. Maybe I let him bite me.
BONNIE: Why would you do that?
CAROLINE: Can we just not talk about it, ok? Don't want to talk about Damon. I don't want to talk about any of it. Just want to go back to normal. What are you doing with that candle?
BONNIE: Um... Nothing. What's this?
CAROLINE: Damon gave it to me. Or he was going to give it to me. All i know is, it's mine now.
BONNIE: It's ugly.
CAROLINE: Well, get your hands off it.

[At school.]

CAROLINE: The sexy suds car wash is tomorrow. The football team and the band have committed. Well, not all the band. Just the ones who could pull off the bikini. I want, in your face, sexy. I mean, it's a fund raiser, for god's sake.
ELENA: Unbelievable. It's like nothing happened.
BONNIE: Lies and denial.
BONNIE: Hey. You know, I gotta go. Be somewhere right now.
STEFAN: I'm so sorry I haven't called.
ELENA: No worries. I'll live.
STEFAN: I was dealing with Damon.
ELENA: And did you... deal with Damon?
STEFAN: Yes. Yeah.
ELENA: For four days?
STEFAN: You have every right to be upset with me. But can I explain it all to you? Please.
ELENA: Sure. When?
STEFAN: I gotta be home after school, but The Grill, on four o'clock?
STEFAN: Thanks.
CAROLINE: Stefan, where is Damon? He has some serious apologizing to do.
STEFAN: He's gone, Caroline.
CAROLINE: When is he coming back?
STEFAN: He's not coming back. I'm sorry.
ELENA: This is a good thing, Caroline.
CAROLINE: I know that.

[At Mystic Grill.]

ELENA: Hey, Matt, um, have you seen Stefan?
MATT: Nope. If you want to kill some time, um, you can rack. Come on. We haven't played in forever. I'll let you brick.

[Salvatore's house. Zach is going to the cellar.]

ZACH: I'm full of vervain. I've been putting it in my coffee for 16 years. My blood will only make you worse. Damon?
DAMON: So it was your vervain. Good for you. Good for you. Family only runs so deep.
ZACH: We're not family, Damon. Only in the most dysfunctional sense. In fact, I avoided having a living, breathing, loving family because of you.
DAMON: I don't guess I could talk you into bringing me a rabbit or something? I'd settle for Stefan's diet at this point.
ZACH: You know i can't do that.
DAMON: You succeeded, Zach. I'm shutting down. You're like your grandfather. He didn't like it when I came to visit, either.
ZACH: But you don't visit, Damon. You appear, unannounced, reminding me that this isn't my house; that you're just permitting me to live here. Hell, that you're permitting me to live.
DAMON: Someone had to mow the lawn.
ZACH: I came to say good-bye, Damon.
DAMON: Unlock it. Unlock the door, Zach.
STEFAN: Keep it up, Damon. The more energy you expend, the faster you'll go.

[At Mystic Grill.]

ELENA: And there's Vicki, all nonchalant in the bathroom like it's no big deal that they're hooking up.
MATT: Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. Your brother and my sister, that's weird.
ELENA: Yeah.
MATT: How late is he?
ELENA: Hitting the hour mark. Hope there's nothing wrong. Which means I'm not talking boy problems with you.
MATT: Good. I mean, it's not like we were ever best friends or anything.
ELENA: Ok. Here goes-- What do you think of Stefan? Is he a good guy?
MATT: Why? what's he done?
ELENA: Not any one thing. He's just so secretive all the time. I think there's something that he doesn't want me to know, which makes me want to know all the more.
MATT: Like what? Like that he's a serial killer and he keeps a clown suit in his trunk?
ELENA: No, of course not. But what do we know about him, really?
MATT: He's great at football. A little bit of a loner. And as much as I hate saying it, he might be a nice guy.
ELENA: So you think I'm just being paranoid?
MATT: I think you should talk to him.
STEFAN: Talk to who? I'm so sorry that I'm late.
ELENA: What happened?
STEFAN: I got held up.
ELENA: Is everything ok?
STEFAN: There was this thing with my uncle.
ELENA: And you couldn't call and tell me that you were going to be an hour late?
MATT: Ok. You two have fun.
STEFAN: I'm really sorry. It was unavoidable.
ELENA: What was unavoidable? Ok.
STEFAN: Oh, uh, Elena, please...
ELENA: No, Stefan, don't you get it? Every question gets a vague non-answer. What is so awful that you're afraid to tell me?
An old man walks up to Stefan.
OLD MAN: I know you. My god.
STEFAN: I'm sorry?
OLD MAN: I know you. How can it be?
STEFAN: I think you have the wrong person, sir.
OLD MAN: You haven't aged a day.
STEFAN: I'm sorry. Excuse me. Hey, can we-- can i take you home and we can talk about it? Is that ok?
ELENA: Wait, what was that?
STEFAN: I--i don't know. uh, nothing.
ELENA: Right, nothing. Ok, um... I gotta go, Stefan. Excuse me.

[Elena's bedroom.]

ELENA: I tried. I want so much to make things right, but every instinct in my body is telling me to be careful. What you don't know can hurt you.

[At Mystic Grill.]

LOGAN: Evening, Sheriff. Anything?
SHERIFF FORBES: We went over the entire west side of the lake. All the caverns by the falls were clean, no signs of habitat.
LOGAN: Well, they're staying in town.
SHERIFF FORBES: We canvassed all abandoned buildings and warehouses.
LOGAN: There has to be a private residence.
SHERIFF FORBES: And that much harder to locate, if not impossible. These creatures are smart. they know how to go undetected.
LOGAN: Well, someone who only comes out at night should eventually become obvious.
SHERIFF FORBES: What about the watch?
LOGAN: I'm working on it.
SHERIFF FORBES: I knew the Gilberts. That watch is passed down to the men in the family. I'd start with Jeremy.
JENNA: Hey, Logan.
LOGAN: I can't believe you really came.
JENNA: You have an hour.
LOGAN: Make it count.

[Elena's house.]

JEREMY: You ok?
ELENA: Is Vicki in there?
JEREMY: Don't answer a question with another question. Maybe. What's wrong with you?
ELENA: I'm miserable.
JEREMY: Well, you should go get something to eat.
Elena goes to the kitchen and finds Stefan there.
ELENA: Jenna? Jenna? Stefan? What are you doing here?
STEFAN: Dinner. Jeremy told me that Chicken Parmesan is one of your favorites, and I happen to be a good cook. The Italian roots demand it. I can even make my own homemade mozzarella. Only tonight, it is unfortunately store bought. Sorry.
ELENA: I don't know what you're trying to accomplish.
STEFAN: You want to know me, right? Well, I figure if you're going to dump me, you should at least, um, know who you're dumping. So let's start with Katherine.
ELENA: Stefan...
STEFAN: She was... the most beautiful girl that I had ever met. She had this perfect olive skin. And she had this laugh. It was ridiculous. I mean, her laugh made you laugh. And she was fun. She knew how to have a good time. But Katherine was also very impatient and entitled and selfish, and, um, and impulsive. Enter Damon. He claims that he was with her first. I don't know. I do know that I did some things that...I'm not proud of. And my biggest regret... Is not being able to make it right before she died. I miss her, but... I'm no longer crippled by her loss.
VICKI: It was very nice what you did for Stefan. Very romantic.
JEREMY: Well, I was feeling romantic.
VICKI: Look what I found. "Elena Gilbert, take one tablet every 4 to 6 hours, as needed for pain."
JEREMY: Those are left over from the car accident.
VICKI: So she won't miss them.
JEREMY: No not with that, that's an antique. I feel like we're always getting high.
VICKI: That's the beauty of choice.
JEREMY: Well, then let's choose not to. I mean, we don't have to be high all the time, right?
VICKI: I really hope you're not one of those guys who, now that we're together, tries to change everything about me.
VICKI: Good.
STEFAN: I'm an avid reader, a huge Fitzgerald fan, "The Great Gatsby", his masterpiece. But I'm no snob. I love some good Grisham. I think Seinfeld is the best American television show for the past 50 years, but i love Lucy is all-time. "The loving cup" episode was the best, I think. Huge Scorsese fan. I can watch Taxi Driver over and over again.
ELENA: Here, let me.
STEFAN: As far as music, it's pretty much across the board. Um, Dylan, Hendrix, Patsy, Willie. Oh, Kanye. You know what, i even like that one Miley song. Easy.
ELENA: I didn't say anything. Hey, this is for the garlic bread, right? Because I'm not eating garlic unless you agree to, too.
STEFAN: Are you kidding? I love garlic.
Elena is cut with the knife.
ELENA: Ow! Ahh.
STEFAN: You ok? um...
ELENA: Yeah. Think so. Your face...
STEFAN: I--i, uh, I think I got something in my eye.
ELENA: Stefan. Hey. Stefan! Um, I think that my paranoia has turned into full-blown hallucinations.
STEFAN: Part of your charm.

[Caroline's bedroom. Caroline is calling someone.]

DAMON: Caroline. Caroline.
CAROLINE: No, Tiki, do not do the one-piece, ok? I've seen it on you. trust me. Yeah, but you're going for stripper pole vibe this year.
DAMON: Caroline.
CAROLINE: Yeah, maybe we should wash the cars in slow motion. No.
DAMON: Caroline.
CAROLINE: What? oh, um, no, sorry. Um, so I'll just see you tomorrow. Two-piece. Ok, bye.
A crow is at her window.
CAROLINE: Shoo, shoo! Shoo! God!

[Salvatore's cellar.]

DAMON: I bet you're feeling pretty good about yourself, aren't you?
STEFAN: Not particularly.
DAMON: You won. You got the bad guy. Now nothing could come between you and Elena. Except the truth. The lies will catch up to you, Stefan. As long as you keep lying to yourself about what you are.
STEFAN: The beauty of you in there and me out here... Is that i can walk away.

[At the sexy suds car wash.]

CAROLINE: No friend discounts. No freebies. No pay ya laters. We are not running a charity here. No, we are not.
CAROLINE: The event is called sexy suds, you know.
STEFAN: Did we just get scolded?
ELENA: And judged, yeah.
ELENA: I'm sorry, but i guess you're going to have to take that off.
STEFAN: I think you have to go first.
ELENA: Ok. Ok, um--sorry, So not sexy. Ugh.
STEFAN: I disagree.
BONNIE: uh-uh, no. None of that tortured pining stuff.
MATT: I'm just observing.
BONNIE: Mm-hmm. Oh. Tiki. this one's yours.
TIKI: Why do I always get the homely os? Just to be clear, your car's a p.o.s. I mean, we can wash it, but it's still a p.o.s.
BONNIE: You don't have to be rude.
TIKI: Rude is uglying up the road with that junk.
Bonnie uses her powers to splash water on Tiki.
TIKI: Whoa! What the hell ?
MATT: Wet and wild, Tik.
LOGAN: All proceeds are going to the school's athletic department still healing from the tragic death of their football coach William Tanner. The citizens of Mystic Falls coming together in support of one of their own. Cut it.
JENNA: Classy.
LOGAN: Thank you.
JENNA: But you're still going to video the girls in bikinis, right?
LOGAN: We, 53% of Americans watch the news with the sound off.
JENNA: Thank you for dinner. I had a nice time.
LOGAN: Do you remember the last time we were in the school parking lot?
JENNA: Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.
LOGAN: Really?
JENNA: Nada. Especially not having sex in the minivan.
LOGAN: That was a good day. What?
ELENA: You're getting soap in that.
STEFAN: Oh, it's fine.
ELENA: I noticed at Damon has one, too. Is there a story behind it?
STEFAN: Yeah, it's the family crest from the Italian renaissance.
ELENA: Hmm. What's the stone?
STEFAN: It's called lapis lazuli.
ELENA: Oh. You should really take it off. I could put it in my bag.
STEFAN: No, it's-- it's fine, really. Thanks, though.
ELENA: Ok. I'm gonna get some towels.
ELENA: Hey, we're out of towels and those shimmy things.
CAROLINE: I'll go get some more. Mind the money.
DAMON: Caroline. Caroline, help me. Caroline. Help me. Help me.
ELENA: That'll be $20. I saw you last night. You were talking to a friend of mine, At the grill?
OLD MAN: Well, I--I thought it was somebody i knew.
ELENA: Stefan Salvatore.
OLD MAN: Nah, it can't be. It's just my mind
ELENA: Playing tricks on me. Where do you think you'd seen him before?
OLD MAN: When i first moved here, I stayed at the Salvatore boarding house.
OLD MAN: Stefan was just passing through to visit his uncle. I mean, none of us knew he was even here until the attack.
ELENA: The attack?
OLD MAN: His uncle got killed. Mauled by an animal in the woods.
ELENA: His uncle, Zach?
OLD MAN: Mm-mmm. Joseph.
ELENA: I'm sorry, sir. I don't think I'm familiar with the story.
OLD MAN: Oh, how could you? I mean, this happened years ago.
TIKI: Grandpa, you gotta go. Mom wants you home. Ok?
TIKI: He wasn't bugging you, was he? He's a little alzy-heimer.
ELENA: No, he was sweet. Hey, sir, I'm sorry. Um, are you sure that the man that you saw, that you knew, his name was Stefan Salvatore?
MAN: Yes. I remember his ring and his brother--
ELENA: Damon?
MAN: Yeah. Stefan and Damon Salvatore.
ELENA: When was this?
MAN: It was early June, 1953. Yeah. June, 1953.
STEFAN: Caroline finally freed you, huh?
ELENA: Uh, I don't know where she went. She abandoned me. Hey, I realized earlier, I had no idea that your family was from Italy.
STEFAN: No? Last name Salvatore didn't do it for you?
ELENA: Right. Duh. Are there any other Salvatores in Mystic Falls?
STEFAN: My uncle Zach.
ELENA: Where did everyone else go?
STEFAN: Kinda just spread out.
ELENA: I'm just trying to learn more about you.

[In the wood.]

JEREMY: Where are you taking me?
VICKI: We can't hide out in your room all the time. Welcome to my other favorite party place.
JEREMY: What, a cemetery?
VICKI: Yeah. It's cool, huh?
BOY: Yo, Vick!
VICKI: What's up, Jared?
BOY: You baby-sitting, Donovan?
VICKI: This is Jeremy. He's cool.
BOY: Smoke up.

[At the sexy suds car wash.]

JENNA: Your car was done an hour ago. You're saying that out loud why?
LOGAN: Hi. Elena, right? I think i met you once when you were 9.
JENNA: Your emotional maturity level when we were together.
LOGAN: Ouch. Here i thought we were making progress.
ELENA: Is he enough in your good graces that i can ask him for a favor?
LOGAN: If i do her a favor, will i get back in your good graces?
JENNA: Uh, a very reluctant maybe to both.
LOGAN: Done. Wait. One condition. Dinner, tonight, your house.
JENNA: Fine. But you're eating leftovers.
LOGAN: Ooh. What do you need?
ELENA: Do you have access to old news stories, say, fifties?
LOGAN: Yeah, at the station. Between the archives and the Internet, we pretty much have everything.
ELENA: I have this report way past due. It'd be a life saver.
LOGAN: Heading there now. Let's go.
ELENA: If anyone asks, you don't know where I went. I don't want Caroline to know that i left.

[Salvatore's house. Caroline enters and goes in the cellar.]

DAMON: Caroline, help me. Caroline. Help me.
CAROLINE: Damon? Damon? Damon? Oh, my god! What is this? How did i know that you were here?
DAMON: Because I wanted you to. Very, very badly. Let me out of here. Please.
CAROLINE: You bit me.
DAMON: You liked it. Remember?
CAROLINE: Why do I keep remembering the same things, but in different ways?
DAMON: You remember what I want you to remember. And now that the vervain has passed out of your system, you won't remember what you're about to do.
CAROLINE: What am I about to do?
DAMON: You're gonna open the door. You're gonna open the door.
ZACH: No! No! Get out of here. Run! Run!
Caroline runs. Damon kills Zach. Damon tries to catch Caroline, but the sun burns him.

[At the sexy suds car wash.]

TIKI: Sweeper duty.
TIKI: We have to clean the pavement.
BONNIE: It's a car wash. By definition, the pavement's clean.
TIKI: But not dry.
BONNIE: And I'm doing this why?
TIKI: Caroline bailed, so that leaves me in charge. Fabulous.
With her powers, Bonnie causes fire and Tiki's car burns.
STEFAN: Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! Hey.
BONNIE: What just happened?
STEFAN: You were in some kind of a trance.
BONNIE: Did I do this?
STEFAN: I think so, yes.
BONNIE: Nobody else saw, did they? Don't tell anybody. Please.

[At the station.]

LOGAN: We digitized all our archives last year. You can pull all the remote footage right up on screen. What is it exactly you're looking for?
ELENA: An incident from 1953, If it even happened-- At the old Salvatore boarding house.
Logan's cell phone rings.
LOGAN: Sorry, one second. Yeah? All right, be right there. I gotta go. You believe there's actual news to cover in this town? All right, use keywords to search the database. It's pretty easy to navigate. And Brady down in tech will help you out with anything you need.
LOGAN: All right? Oh, hey. Could you put in a good word for me with Jenna?
ELENA: You got it.
LOGAN: All right. Good luck.

[At the cemetery.]

VICKI: What?
JEREMY; I'm stoned in a cemetery.
VICKI: They don't mind, they're dead. Let me take this up a notch. Hey, Tony.
TONY: Oh! Nice. Vickies from Vicki. Ha!
GIRL: Well, thank you, Elena Gilbert, whoever you are.
JEREMY: You took those from the house?
VICKI: She's not using it.
JEREMY: She's gonna notice if they're gone. That's not cool.
VICKI: It's no big deal, Jer.
JEREMY: Yeah, it kinda is, Vick.
BOY: Damn, dude.
TONY: Vicki brought the party police.
VICKI: Shut up, Tony. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad.
JEREMY: Well, what are we doing, partying in a cemetery with a bunch of losers?
VICKI: Those are my friends.
JEREMY: They're waste of space small-town lifers.
VICKI: Yeah? What am i?
JEREMY: You're different, Vick.
VICKI: No, you are. You're the kid with the big house who's acting out because his parents died. Guess what-- You'll get over it. You will pull yourself together, move on, and one day tell your kids stories about your dark period growing up. And i'll still be here, waiting tables at the grill, partying at the cemetery with a bunch of waste of space small-town lifers.
JEREMY: Look--
VICKI: Go home, Jeremy. If i want to feel like crap about myself, I'll just go back to Tyler.

[At the sexy suds car wash.]

STEFAN: Hey, have you seen Elena? MATT: No, not for a while. STEFAN: You think she went home? MATT: Not sure. STEFAN: Thanks. MATT: Hey. I'm not saying this for you. I'm saying it for her. But she's big on trust. So whatever you're holding back from her, the more you try to hide it, the more she won't stop till she figures it out.

[At the station. Elena looks a documentary.]

VOICE: This is Michael Fell reporting to you from the Salvatore Boarding House, where a brutal animal attack has ended in tragedy. Ok, they're bringing out the bodies. See if you can get closer. Is that the nephew?
As the camera zooms in, Elena sees Stefan in the background.

[Caroline's bedroom.]

MRS FORBES: I didn't see you at the car wash.
CAROLINE: Left early.
MRS FORBES: Honey, are you ok? Anything you want to talk about? Is it a boy thing?
CAROLINE: Mom, if I want to talk boys, I'll call dad. At least he's successfully dating one.

[Salvatore's house.]

Stefan finds Zach dead and Damon gone.
STEFAN: Zach! Oh, no, Zach...

[Caroline's bedroom.]

ELENA: Dear diary, I'm not a believer. People are born, they grow old, and then they die. That's the world we live in. There's no magic, no mysticism, no immortality. There's nothing that defies rational thought.

[Bonnie goes to her grandmother.]

BONNIE: I don't know what's happening to me.
GRAMS: I know, dear.

[Elena's house. Logan steals Jeremy's watch.]

JENNA: Logan? Logan?
ELENA: People are supposed to be who they say they are. And not lie or hide their true selves.
JEREMY: What are you doing here?
LOGAN: Oh, hey, man. Just looking for the bathroom.
ELENA: It's not possible. I'm not a believer, i can't be. But how can i deny what's right in front of me? Someone who never grows old...
OLD MAN: June, 1953.
ELENA: Never gets hurt...
ELENA: Oh, my god, your hand! Is it deep? How bad is it?
ELENA: Someone who changes in ways that can't be explained...
ELENA: Hey, um, are you ok? Your eye. Your face.
ELENA: Girls bitten...
ELENA: What is that? Oh, my god, what happened to you?
CAROLINE: It's nothing!
ELENA: Bodies drained of blood...
ELENA: Did she say what kind of animal it was?
MATT: She said it was a vampire.

[At the cemetery. Music stops.]

BOY: Donovan?
VICKI: No, I'm good.
GUYS: Not it. Not it. Not it. Ah, Vicki.
Vicki goes to the car. Damon is here, coughing, groaning.
VICKI: Hey, man, you ok?
DAMON: Come here. Come here.
VICKI: You don't look good.
DAMON: Come closer. I have something-- That I have to tell you.
VICKI: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I got you, i got you. It's ok. it's ok.
Damon bites her.

[Salvatore's house.]

(Elena arrives and meet Stefan.)
ELENA: What are you?

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