Ralph: (voiceover) My name’s Ralph and I’m a bad guy. Ah… Let’s see I’m 9 feet tall. I weigh 643 pounds. Got a little bit of a temper on me. (in game) Hey, you moved my stump! (voiceover) My passion bubbles very near the surface, I guess, I’m not gonna lie. Any who, what else? Uh… I’m a wrecker. I wreck thing. Professionally. (in game) I’m gonna wreck it! (voiceover) I mean, I’m very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. The thing is, fixing is the name of the game. Literally, "Fix-It Felix, Jr".
Nicelanders: Fix it, Felix! Fix-It Felix Jr: I can fix it!
Ralph: (voiceover) So, yeah, naturally the guy with the name Fix-it Felix is the good guy. He’s nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you would not be able to fix the damage that I do, as quickly. And when Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that I say, "HAAH!". And, no, there aren’t.
(indistinct conversation) Kid 1: So cool! Kid 2: This animation is so real!
Ralph: (voiceover) 30 years I’ve seen doing this and I’ve seen a lot of other games come and go. Kinda sad. I think about all those guys from Asteroids? Boom! …Gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is. You know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at. I’m very lucky. It’s just… I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job when no one seems to like you for doing it.
Yuni Verse (Dance Dance Revolution): All clear! The arcade is closed!
Ryu (Street Fighter): Woo… what a day. So, you wanna head to Tappers, Ken?
Ken (Street Fighter): If you’re buyin’ buddy.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Quittin’ time!
Ralph: (voiceover) I dunno! Maybe I won’t be feeling this way if things were different after work. But… it is what it is.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Good job, everyone!
Ralph: (voiceover) Felix and the Nicelanders go hang out in their homes… which he just fixed and every… you know… They go to their homes, I go to mine… which happens to be… a dump. And when I say "a dump", I don’t mean like a shabby place. I mean an actual dump. Where the garbage goes and a bunch of bricks… and smashed building parts. That’s… That’s what I call home. I guess I can’t bellyache too much. I got my bricks, I got my stump. It looks uncomfortable, it’s actually fine. I’m good. But… if I’m really honest with myself, I see Felix up there… getting patted on the back. People are giving him pie. Thanking him and.. so happy to see him all the time. Sometimes I think… Man! Sure must be nice being the good guy!
Clyde (Pac-Man): Nice share, Ralph. As fellow bad guys… we’ve all felt what you’re feeling and we’ve come to terms with it.
Zangief (Street Fighter): Right here, I’m Zangief, I’m bad guy!
Villains: Hi, Zangief.
Zangief: I relate to you Ralph. When I hit bottom, I was crushing man’s skull like sparrow egg between my thighs. And I think, why you have to be so bad Zangief? Why can’t you be more like good guy? Then I have moment of clarity. If Zangief is good guy, who’ll crush man’s skull like sparrow’s egg between thighs? And I say, Zangief, you are "bad guy", but this does not mean you are bad guy.
Ralph: Right, I’m sorry. I just… You lost me there.
Zombie: Zombie, bad guy.
Villains: Hi, Zombie.
Zombie: Zangief saying, Labels not make you happy. Good… Bad… (growl) You must love you.
Cyborg (based on Kano from Mortal Kombat): Yea, inside here! (pull Zombie’s heart out of chest)
Ralph: Whoa! OK! Alright, I get you. Watch out, it’s dripping.
Clyde: Question, Ralph. We’ve been asking you to BAD-ANON for years now… and tonight you.. you finally show up. Why is that?
Ralph: I dunno, I just felt like coming. I mean, I suppose it has something to do with the fact that, ah.. Well, today is the 30th Anniversary of my game.
Saitine: Happy Anniversary, Ralph.
Ralph: Thanks, Satan.
Saitine: Err, it’s Saitine, actually.
Ralph: Got it! But here’s the thing… (sigh) I don’t wanna be the bad guy anymore.
[the Bad-Anon members gasp; Bowser breathes fire balls; Clyde turns blue]
Cyborg: You can’t mess with the program, Ralph!
M. Bison (Street Fighter): You’re not goin’ Turbo, are you?
Ralph: Turbo?! No, I’m not going Turbo! C’mon, guys! Is it "Turbo" to want a friend? Or a medal? Or a piece of pie every once in a while? Is it "Turbo" to want more out of life?
Clyde: Ralph, Ralph, we get it. But we can’t change who we are. The sooner you accept that, the better off your game and your life will be.
Zangief: Hey. One game at a time, Ralph.
Clyde: Now let’s close out with the Bad Guy Affirmation.
Villains except for Ralph: I am bad, and that’s good. I will never be good. And that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be than me.
Clyde: Ok, gang, see you next week.
M. Bison: Listen I can’t do snacks next week.
Saitine: Hang in there, Ralph.
Clyde: Hey Zombie, don’t forget your hatchet.
Saitine: There you go.
Announcer: Welcome to Game Central Station.
Surge Protector: Step aside sir, random security check.
Ralph: Random my behind, you always stop me!
Surge Protector: I’m just a surge protector doing my job, sir. Name?
Ralph: Lara Croft.
Surge Protector: Name?
Ralph: Wreck-It Ralph.
Surge Protector: And, where you’re coming from?
Ralph: Aah… Pacman.
Surge Protector: You bringing any fruit with you?
Ralph: No. No, no fruit.
Surge Protector: Ok then, where you headin?
Ralph: Ah… Fix-it Felix Jr.
Surge Protector: Anything to declare?
Ralph: I hate you.
Surge Protector: I get that a lot. Proceed.
Boy with halo: Bad guy coming! [running]
Sonic: If you leave your game stay safe, stay alert.. and whatever you do, don’t die. Because if you die outside your own game, you don’t regenerate, ever. Game over!
Ralph: Here you go, buddy. It’s fresh. It’s straight from Pacman’s Hang in there, guys.
Surge Protector: Name?
Ralph: [grunts in frustration] Argggghhhh!!!
Ralph: Happy 30th Anniversary! They’re having a party without me! Pacman? They invited Pacman?! That cherry chasing… …dot muncher isn’t even on this game!
- Great party, Felix.
- Fix-It Felix Jr: Why thank you, friend.
- Felix you’re needed on the dance floor!
- [doorbell ring]
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Oh! I bet that’s Mario. Fashionaby late, per the norm.
- I’ll get it, Felix. It’s Ralph.
- He’ll wreck the party!
- Get rid of him, Felix.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Oh, right! I’ll go talk to him. Carry on everyone. Ralph, can I help you?
Ralph: Hey Felix. Just wanted to check on you I saw a big, uh.. explosion or something over the building there.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Oh, those were.. just fireworks.
Ralph: Fireworks, okay. Somebody’s birthday.. or?
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Well, it’s.. more of an anniversary. The 30th Anniversary of our game, actually.
Ralph: What ?! Is that today?
Fix-It Felix, Jr: I know !
Ralph: Oh, I’m such a dummy with dates. Anyway ah..Congratulations!
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Thank you, Ralph. And to you too.
Glenn: Ah, just a heads up Felix.They’re bringing out the cake in a few shakes.
Ralph: Hey, Glenn!
Ralph: Cake? Heard about this cake stuff. Never had it. No one ever seems to throw it out so I.. it n.. never ends up in the dump. Never actually tasted it. Always wanted to try cake.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: I don’t suppose you’d like to come in have a slice, would you?
Ralph: Hello, everybody!
Fix-It Felix, Jr: I’m OK, I’m OK, fit as a fiddle. Now… You all know Ralph. - Evening. Evening Nel.. Lucy.. Don. Dana. - Diana. Big Gene! - Why is he here? He’s just here for a slice of cake. - And, I’m a big part of the game, technically speaking. Ah. Why are you here, Gene?
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Oh look! The cake. Well, I’ll be dipped! You’ve really outdone yourself, Mary! Oh and look, there’s all of us at the top. Each apartment is everyone’s favourite flavor. Your Woods, is red velvet. - Guilty! And lemon for Lucy. Rum cake for Gene. And for Felix.. - Hey, Mary… Ahm.. what.. what’s the flavor of that mud that I’m stuck in there. Hm? Oh.. Chocolate. - Never been real fond of chocolate. Well, I did not know that. - One other little thing, I hate to be picky but.. you know this angry little guy here would might be… a lot happier if you put him up here with everyone else. See that? Look at that smile! - No, no no.. You see Ralph, there is no room for you up here. Well what about this: we can make room. Here, we can take turns.. Easy! How about.. we just eat the cake? - Hang on! Felix needs to be on the roof because he’s about to get his medal. Well, how about we just take that medal and give it to Ralph for once. Would that be the end of the world, Gene? - Now you’re just being ridiculous! Only good guys win medals and you, sir, are no good guy! I could be a good guy if I wanted to. And I could win a medal. Ahah? And when you do, come and talk to us. - And then would you finally let me be on top of the cake with you guys? If you won a medal, we’d let you live up here in the Penthouse! But it will never happen, because you’re just the bad guy who wrecks the building. No, I’m not. - Yes, you are. No, I’m NOT!! Yes, you are. Alright, Gene, you know what? I’m gonna win a medal. Oh I am gonna win a medal. The shiniest medal this place has ever seen. A medal that will be so good that it will make Felix’s medals wet their pants! And good night. Thank you for the party. Is he serious? Oh please, where is a bad guy gonna win a medal? Of course he’s not serious! I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. That’s why I came straight here Tapper You’ve never give me a bum steer. Now c’mon, where can a guy like me go and win a medal? I don’t think such a game exist, Ralph. Oh c’mon, you know people, there’s gotta be… Hey, Tapper, need a root beer. Coming! Hold that thought. Okay! As you were saying? - I was saying… I can’t spent another 30 years living alone… in the garbage. I’m not going back without a medal. Well, I dunno what to tell you Maybe somebody left a medal here. You’re welcome to dig through the lost and found. OK, let’s see what we got here Oh, shoo, shoo! Go on, get off! Mushroom? No. Wat is this?! No. Oh c’mon, Zangief! Gross! What am I doing? Hey, excuse you! Our mission: Destroy all Cy-Bugs We are humanity’s last hope. Our mission: Destroy all Cy-Bugs. - You ok there, Space Cadet? We’ve only been plugged in a week and every day… it’s climb the building and fight bugs! Climb the building, fight more bugs! Yeah, yeah, right! Look, easy on the overall spaceman! It’s tough all over, alright? - And all for what? A lousy medal! Medal? You win a medal? - Yeah, Medal of Heroes! Ooo! Is it shiny? - Pretty shiny. It says Hero on it? And you said, you win it by climbing a building? And fighting bugs! - Right, bugs. Listen, is there any chance I could go with you to your game and, you know, maybe get one of those medals? - Negatory! Wha.. does that mean maybe? - No! Look, only the bravest and the best.. serve in our corps. BUH !! We are humanity’s last hope. Attention! The Arcade will open in five minutes. Please report to your game. I can’t feel my legs. What is all this stuff? Huh.. smells like Ralph in here. Alright, what is.. what was it called? Hero.. hero’s something… Hero’s.. uh.. duty .. duty Hero’s Duty. Sorry, Qbert. It’s me, Ralph The wall Morning kids, c’mon in. Good to see you, Good to see you. You too, little fella. Quarter Alert. This is not a drill. Sweet golden medal On a planet with no name, a top secret experiment has gone horribly wrong. You are humanity’s last hope. Rootin’ tootin’, ready for shootin’! Now listen up, cause I’m only gonna say this once. Fear’s a four letter word, ladies. You wanna go pee-pee in your big boy slacks, keep it to yourself. It’s make your mammas proud time! - I love my mamma! Heads up! First Person Shooter coming through. Oooh Robot! Gameplay in three, two, one.. We are humanity’s last hope. Our mission.. ..destroy all Cy-bugs. You ready rookie? Let’s find out. Sweet mother Hubbard! Wait a minute. Cy-Bug, 12 o’clock! Take it, newbie! Watch it, rookie! These monsters become what they eat! My gun! Gimme that back ! Shoot the eggs before they hatch ! Oh no no, something’s coming out of their bottom! Oh gross! - Markowski, get back in formation! Alright ladies, the kitten whiskers and tickle fights stop now! The entrance to the lab is straight ahead. - I’ll meet you guys inside! No.. - Thank you, hurry! When did videogames become so violent and scary? Take me out of here! Get him.. GAME OVER What a rip off ! Hey, get..get off me ! It’s game over. Stop it! Reaching up, reaching up! Cease fire, cease fire! Attention! Return to start positions. Here, here let me help you, there. Sorry about that, I just… Ah yea, well you must be upset. - Markowski! Who? Wow oh. ye.. me! I’m, yeah, I’m Markowski. What’s the first rule of Hero’s Duty? - No cuts, no buts, no coconuts? Never interfere with the first person shooter. Our job is to get the gamers to the top of that building.. ..so they can get a medal and that’s it! So, stick to the program, soldier! - Right, right.. aye aye! Quarter Alert. Alright pussywillows, back to start positions! Yeah, right! No way I’m going through that again! That’s where they keep the medal, huh? New racers daily. Sweet! I got next game. Go away kid, we’re gonna play all 9 of today’s racers. Oh..Sorry. Hmm.. Where is the wrecking guy? Where is Ralph? He should be wrecking the building. Sh! Stick with the program. Fix it Felix.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: I can fix it Ralph, quarter alert. Game on! Do something, Felix. - Just act natural. I’ll fix it. Oh my RAM! Where is he? Mister Litwak. - What’s the trouble sweetheart The game’s busted. I can fix it I can fix it. Oh boy, looks like the game’s gone cuckoo like my nana. Sorry sweetie, here’s your quarter back. But what about the game? - I’ll have someone look at it tomorrow. But if he can’t fix it, it might be time to… put old Ralph and Felix out to pasture… ..like my nana. Ladies and gentlemen, we are Out of Order - Sweet mercy, without Ralph, we’re doomed! They’re gonna pull our plug! Okay, everybody calm down! Ralph probably fell asleep in the washroom of Tappers again See? There he is now Why.. it’s QBert. What brings you here, neighbour? What’s he saying, Felix?
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Stand by, my Q*Bertese is a little rusty Ralph’s gone Turbo!! Shining! Attention! The Arcade is now closed Get a load of Markowski Shut your chew-holes! Cy-Bug. Taze! Slick tiddlywinky pint-size! - I’m Fix-it-Felix Jr. ma’am, from the game Fix-it-Felix Jr. Human jimminy! Look at that high-definition! Your face!.. It’s amazing! Flattery, don’t charge these batteries civilian Now state your business Oh.. I’m looking for my colleague. Reck-it Ralph. - Never heard of him. Well..QBert saw him come in here - Impossible, nothing gets past me That came from the tower Nice shells be sH!&! Okay.. that was easy Congratulations soldier It is my honour to bestow upon you.. ..the medal of heroes No way ! - ‘Ten-hut ! History will long revere your courage and sacrifice Well..Thank you - You have etched in the rock of virtue, a legacy beyond compare Thanks guys At ease… You are the universe’s greatest hero The living embodyment of all this Corps represents Bravery, integrity, grace under pressure… and above all… dignity - Escape mode activated Incoming Ralph. - Cy-Bug. So long, sucker Sugar Rush? Oh.. No!! This is a candy go-cart game over by the Wack-a Mole I gotta get out of here Oh no..My medal?? Whe.. whe.. wait.. where…??? No no no, my medal ! Hi, mister Hello Man! You scared me, kid. Ahh! Nearly soiled myself - What’s your name? Ah… Ralph..Wreck-It Ralph. - You’re not from here, are you? No well, yeah. I mean not from right in this area. I’m just doing some work here What kind of work? - Just some routine candy tree trimming. You probably wanna stand back.. in fact This whole area is technically closed while we’re trimming Who’s we? - Candy Tree Department Oh, where’s everybody else? - Ah, it’s just me today So you just meant like the ‘royal we’? Yup.. that’s right Hey, are you a hobo? - No I am not a hobo. But I am busy, OK? So, you go.. go home - What’s that? Didn’t hear you, your breath is so bad it made my ears numb Listen, I try to be nice - I try to be nice Your mimicking me - Your mimicking me Okay, that is rude… - Okay, that is rude… and this conversation is over - and this conversation is over I wouldn’t grab that branch if I were you I’m from the candy tree department so I know what.. - It’s a double stripe Double stripes are prank… Kadoing!! Hey, why are your hands so freakishly big? Ah.. I dunno Why are you so freakishly annoying? Why are you so freakishly.. Sweet mother of monkey milk, a gold coin Don’t even think about it, that is mine - Race you for it! Hey hey hey hey I don’t have to race for it cause that’s mine The winner - Give it back, give it Double stripe… Thank you Wait, let me talk to you for one second Ok, here’s the thing, I’m not from the Candy Tree Department - Lying to a child Shame on you Ralph - But, I wasn’t lying about the medal, that is my medal That’s why I was climbing the tree.. It’s mine, it’s my It’s precious to me, that thing is this.. my ..it’s my ticket to a better life Yea, well, now it’s my tic-ket What the.. - See you champ! Come back.. I’ll find you I will find you - Double stripe Nowhere to hide ! Yeah, he banged around in here like some kinda hot-shot. Then he went barreling down into that.. sweet little game like a crazy person - Sugar Rush. Cy-Bugs would chew up that game faster than a chicken hawk in a coop of crippled roosters! What was that now? - What are you, thick? There was a Cy-Bug on that shuttle. Do you even khow what a Cy-Bug is? I can’t say that I do, ma’am - Cy-Bugs are like a virus They don’t know they’re in a game All they know is… ..eat, kill, multiply. Without a beacon to stop them.. ..they’ll consume Sugar Rush - But you think they’ll stop there? Yes! - Wrong! Viruses do not stop! Once those Cy-Bugs finish off Sugar Rush.. ..they’ll invade every other game until this Arcade is.. nothing but a smoking husk of forgotten dreams. Kohut, my cruiser. Shee--pers! Is she always this intense? - It’s not her fault She’s programmed with the most tragic backstory ever. One day she didn’t do a perimeter check. Her wedding day. Wait, ma’am. I’m going with you Like fun you are, short stack. You die outside your game, you don’t regenerate. Well, neither do you, ma’am. And it is my job to fix what Ralph wrecks. And I cannot ask you to risk your life cleaning up his mess No flex on this one ma’am. I am coming along with you. Citizens of Sugar Rush. Just in time All hail, our rightful ruler King Candy. Hallo, my loyal subjects! Have some candy! Thank you for that stirring introduction, Sour Bill. And thank you to today’s avatars. It was a wonderful day of racing. It was.. but now the Arcade is closed so it’s time to wipe the slate clean and race to decide our new roster. The first 9 racers to cross that finish line.. ..will represent Sugar Rush as tomorrow’s avatar. Race, race, race, race - Calm down Listen, this event is pay to play. We all know this, The fee to compete is one gold coin from your previous winnings, if you have won Which I.. I have Let me go first King Candy. Taffeta Muttonfudge. Stay sweet! Adorabeezle Winterpop. Gloyd Orangeboar. Coin stealer Wait till I catch that brat - Minty Zaki. Snowanna Rainbeau Rancis Fluggerbutter. Jubileena Bing-Bing. Swizzle Malarkey. Candlehead. Sour Bill, who is that last one? Vanellope von Schweetz. - Yippie I’m in the race - Venellope? The glitch! No, no Everything is alright. Security!! C’m’ere, kid - We’re not gonna hurt you, you little freak. Get back here! YOU !! Give me back my medal right now! No, no… - What is that? What are you doing? Come back here! Can’t move. - Now, we got him! Oh good, the cops. She went that way. - Hold still. - Ow, what’re you doing? Okay folks, calm down. Everything’s alright. The monster’s been caught. We’ll repair all the damage. Don’t worry we will have our race before the Arcade opens And I’m in it. There is no way that I am racing with a glitch Francis, Candlehead, come on. Sour Bill, that glitch cannot be allowed to race! And bring that thing to my castle! Sour Bill, de-taffify this monster so we can see what we’re up against, here. Mmmkay.. Milk my duds, it’s Wreck-It Ralph? Yeah, who are you? The guy that make the donuts? Please,… No! I’m King Candy. I see you’re a fan of pink - Salmon, salmon.. that is obviously salm.. What are you doing here? Look! Your Candiness.. ..this is just a big misunderstanding. Just get me out of this cupcake, I’ll get my medal, and I’ll be out of your way, Your medal? Bad guys don’t win medals. Well, this one did! I earned it over in.. Hero’s Duty. You game jumped? Ralph! You’re not going Turbo, are you? What? No no no no.. - Because if you think you can come in here… to my kingdom and take over my game, you’ve got another thing coming! Easy, Your Puffyness! It’s not my fault one of your children of the candy corn stole my medal. Children of the candy corn? Who? The glitch… the coin she used to buy her way into the race, that was your medal? She did what? I need that back! Well, I’m afraid I can’t help you, it’s gone. you know, it’s.. it’s nothing but code now. and it’ll stay that way until someone wins the cup at the end of the race! Well, maybe I’ll just have to have a little talk with the winner, then. Is that a threat I smell? Bwlaah! Beyond the halitosis you’re so obviously suffering from. Listen, nelly wafer, I’m not leaving without my medal. Yes, you are! Winchell, Dunkin, get him out of that cupcake.. ..and on the first train back home.And if I ever see you here again Wreck-It Ralph… ..I’ll lock you in my Fungeon! Fungeon? - Fun-dungeon? You know, it’s a play-on words? It’s a Fu.. Never mind Now, I got a glitch to deal with, thanks to you Goodbye, Wreck-It Ralph. It hasn’t been a pleasure. It’s hard as a rock. - I can see that. Get the tools. - What tools? Quiet you! What?? No! - Take it easy big boy. Stay away from me! - He’s getting away! Quick, call out the Devil-dogs! Chocolate. I hate chocolate! I gotta get my medal back The pot goes to the winning racer Hey kids, can I talk to you for a second? Hello, fellow racers. It’s that little crumb snatcher. Candlehead, Taffyta, Rancis you’re looking well Came by to check out the competition, huh? Well, here it is the Lickety Split - Jeez, looks like she built it herself. Built it myself. Fastest pedal power west o’ the Wack-a-Mole. Check her out. Oh..Vanellope It’s so.. you. But.. you have to back out of the race. Oh no, I.. I don’t, you know cause I..i paid my fee… and I’m on the board So, ya.. I’m definitely racing. Ya, well.. King Candy says glitches can’t race. I’m not a glitch, Taffyta, just got pyxlexia, okay. The rules are there for a reason, Vanellope. To protect us. Say, I’m you.. I’m in my weird little car.. and I’m driving and.. actually feel kinda cool for once.. and then all of a sudden.. oh no.. I’m gli..gli..gli..gli… glitching See, you’re an accident just waiting to happen. - Oh no, I gli.. gli..gli..gli..glitch too Oh hey hey, what are you doing? - Uncool ! Stop. You’re breaking it. Please, I just wanna race like you guys. You will never be a racer because you’re a glitch. And that’s all you’ll ever be. Hey.. leave her alone. Let’s get out of here Scram, you rotten little cavities before I throw you in the mud! What are you looking at? You’re welcome, you rotten little thief. - I’m not a thief! I just borrowed your stupid coin I was gonna give it back to you as soon as I won the race. It’s not a coin. It is a medal. Coin, medal.. whatever… just go back to your own dumb game and win another one. I can’t, I didn’t win it in my game. I won it in Hero’s Duty. Hero’s Doody? Pfff !! It’s not that kind of duty I bet you really gotta watch where you step in a game called Hero’s Doody? What’d you won the medal for, wiping? I hope you washed your hands after you handled that medal. Listen.. - One more, one more Why did the Hero flush the toilet? Say ‘why?’ - Why? Because it was his ‘doody’! How dare you insult Hero’s Duty, you little guttersnipe! I earned that medal! You better get it back for me, toot-sweet sister Well unless you’ve got a go-cart hidden in the back-folds of your neck, I can’t help you. What a moron! Hey, genius, that’s a jaw-breaker, you’re never gonna… Enjoy your little tantrum diaper baby? - Leave me alone. Look, you want that medal, right? And I wanna race. So, here’s what I’m thinking. You help me get a new cart, a real cart! and I’ll win the race and get you back your medal. You want ‘me’ to help ‘you’? All you gotta do is break something for me. C’mon, what do you say, friend? We are not friends. Aww c’mon, pal. You son of a gun! C’mon buddy, just shake on it. Aww c’mon jumbo. Ralph, my man. My main man. Hey, my arms getting tired. We have a deal or not? Argh! You better win!
Calhoun: Well, I’ll say this much, they don’t call your friend ‘Wreck-it’ for nothing.
There’s the shuttle
Fix-It Felix Jr.: Is he in there?
Calhoun: Nope. Lucky for him. Otherwise, I would have slap his corpse. No Cy-Bug either. Gotta find it before it lays it’s filthy eggs. He came this way but the Sugar particles in the atmosphere are jamming my sensor. Can’t get a read on it. So, what is it with this Wreck-it joker, huh? Why’d he go AWOL?
Fix-It Felix Jr.: I wish I knew, ma’am. He was acting all squirely last night. Going on about cake and medals. But, I never thought he’d go Turbo!
Calhoun: Go Turbo??
Fix-It Felix, Jr: That’s right, you guys just got plugged in. (flashback) Well, back when the Arcade first opened, TurboTime was by far the most popular game… and Turbo…
Fix-It Felix, Jr: (voice-over) Well, he loved the attention.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: (voice-over) So, when RoadBlasters got plugged in and stole Turbo’s thunder
Kid 1: New game! Kid 2: Alright!
Fix-It Felix, Jr: (voice-over) …boy, was he jealous! So jealous that he abandoned his game and tried to take over the new one.
Kid 1: These are the greatest graphics I’ve ever seen.
Kid 1: Hey, is that..??
Kid 2: That looks like Turbo.
Kid 1: What’s Turbo doing in this game? Oh, c’mon!
Kid 2: Mister Litwak!
Fix-It Felix, Jr: (voiceover) Turbo ended up putting both games and himself out of order for good.
Calhoun: Yes, the selfish man is like a mangy dog chasing a cautionary tale.
Fix-It Felix, Jr: I know, right? That’s why I have to get Ralph home or the same thing’s gonna happen to my game.
Fix-It Felix, Jr & Calhoun: Ungh… Oh
Calhoun: What is this? Nesquicksand?
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Quicksand. Oh, I’ll hop out and grab you one of those vines. I can’t hop. I’m hop-less! This is hopeless, we’re gonna drown here!
Calhoun: Stop cracking, stop moving You’re making us sink faster!
Fix-It Felix, Jr: We’re gonna die!
Calhoun: Get a hold of yourself!
Fix-It Felix, Jr: Ah, the vines They are Laffy Taffy. They’re attracted to whatever makes them laugh. Here, hit me again That’s not funny enough. Harder. Look, you’re a nice guy I can’t… - No, ma’am! The Arcade is depending on us. Now do your duty, that’s an or.. It’s working. Hit me again. Oooh.. your eye! I can fix it. Now go! Fran-fantastic! Again! You mean business.. We’re… Killing… ..them Alright, enought with the goo-goo eyes, we’ve got work to do, let’s go. Ungh!.. lost the Cy-Bug. C’mon, we’ll get a better view from the air You think you can fix that shuttle? Can do! Alright, do your thing, knuckles. Bust it open. What’s this? You’re a full-on criminal, aren’t you? Hey, we shook on it Thank you, Jeeves. What is this place? Where are the carts? We gotta make one. - What? No no no no. Look kid, bad idea. Trust me, I don’t make things, ..I break things Well, looks like you’re gonna be stepping outside your comfort zone then, Gladys. Ooh, this is a good one. Welcome to the Bakery. Let’s bake a cart!! What is this, another game? - Ya, well, it’s a mini game. You have one minute to win it! - What? C’mon, Ralph! - Now..Mixing. Put the ingredients in the bowl and throw away the trash Hairbrush.. - No Underpants.. - No, no. You’re getting all the wrong stuff, kid. - I’m trying. Argh, I’ll do it. No, yes Urgh!..Gross Milk… yes yes.. Batter up! C’mon, no sleeping on the job! Baking! Pump up the heat and hold the perfect temperature. A little help here! - I’m on it! Ralph ! - Yup, no bother.. I just… Give me this thing. Ok, good.. little more. Hold it, hold it C’mon get up Ralph.. 15 seconds! - Decorating Wheels first. - How many? Four, doink! Now frosting, a butt load of frosting. - No problem. Time’s up! Congratulation you did it and here’s your cart! Look, kid… I tried to warn you. I can’t make things, I just… break - I love it! You do? I love it! I love it, I love it, I love it Look, it’s got a real engine and look at these wheels! I love it! I finally have a real cart! C’mon, a work of art like this must be signed. This is Beard Papa. The glitch is in the Bakery. Get me King Candy. Well, what, you have teeth?! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile before. I’m not smiling it was… I’m gassy.. okay Hold it right there, glitch! And Wreck-It Ralph? Start the cart start the cart! What are you waiting for? C’mon let’s go! I..ah.. don’t know how to drive a real cart. You don’t… What?! Are you hurt, sire? - No, he just glazed me. Get them! - Gangway! Stop in the name of the king! That’s me! Get off the road! Head for Diet Cola Mountain! Drive into the wall! - What? Right there between the two sugar-free lollipops! - Are you crazy? Just do it! Where’d they go? Maybe.. they’ve just turned. Find that glitch. Destroy that cart! She can’t be allowed to race! So let me get this straight. You don’t know how to drive. Well no, not technically But I just thought that… What did you think? Oh.. I just I’ll just magically win the race just because I really want to. Look wise guy, I know I’m a racer, I can feel it in my code. That’s it..! I’m never getting my medal back What is the big whoop about that crummy medal, anyway? The big whoop? Well this may come as a shock to you.. but in my game, I’m the bad guy and I live in the garbage. Cool! - No, not cool Unhygenic and lonely and boring. And that crummy medal was gonna change all that. I go home with that baby around my neck and I’ll get a.. ..penthouse, pies, ice sculptures, fireworks! Aah! It’s grown up stuff, you wouldn’t understand. - No, I get it. That’s exactly what racing would do for me. Well, guess what? - What? News flash! Neither one of us is getting what we want! What was that? Diet Cola Hot Springs. Watch out for falling Mentos. - Yeah, check it out, look. Oh, you gotta watch out for the splash. That stuff is boiling hot. Yeah, I got that. Thank you. What is this dump? I think it’s some sort of unfinished bonus level. Yeah, it’s pretty cool, huh? I found that secret opening and now I live here. See, oh look look look look… Welcome to my home! I sleep in these candy wrappers. I like bundling myself up like a little homeless lady. By yourself? With all this garbage around here? Well, yeah. I mean, everyone here says I’m just the mistake.. ..and that I wasn’t even suppose to exist. What do you expect? Listen kid.. I know it’s none of my business.. ..but why do you even stick around this game? You really don’t know anything, do you? Glitches can’t leave their games. It’s one of the joys of being me. Hey, what are you doing? C’mon! I know it’s a dump but it’s all I got. If you’re gonna be a racer, you have to learn how to drive. You can’t do that.. ..without a track. Wow! - Alright now.. Let’s hustle up, we got some driving to do. I’m gonna learn to drive, I’m gonna learn to drive, I’m gonna.. Oh wait, do you know how to drive? - Yeah! I mean, I haven’t done it but… look, I flew a spaceship today okay. You crashed it. - Just get in, how hard can it be? OK, ah.. start it up. There you go. So there’s some buttons on the floor. - Pedals. Pedals, right! Now.. ah.. Thats the ‘go’ pedal. That, I believe is the stopper. And this… wait What is this? It doesn’t do anything. Woo, what’s this joystick do? Okay, good. Let’s try that again. That’s good, keep going. Shift it again! I told you Racing’s in my code. I think I’m winning the bet! - Hey Ralphy, watch this! Look out! So, how did I do? Well, you almost blew up the whole mountain. Right, right, that’s a good note. You gotta get that glitch under control kid. Ok, I will I will and.. And then, you think I got a chance? Tiny. Yes, I’m gonna win, I’m gonna win, I’m gonna win, I’m gonna… Top shelf. - Top shelf. Did you find the..? Tell me you found her! You didn’t? Go! Leave me. Up, up. Down, down. Hmm, hmm. Hih, hih… Start. Oh, Code! That’s the sweet lifeblood of the game. Where are you? The Stadium, no. Jumbotrons. Ahah! There it is. The winner’s cup. One of these things is not like the others… it’s you! We’re going to give you a nice new home. Success! Sour Bill, I’m going out. You’re in charge of the castle until I get back. Your face is still red, you might wanna hit it again with your hammer. Oh, that’s not blunt force trauma ma’am. That’s just the honey glow in my cheeks. Okay. - Ma’am, I just gotta tell ya.. You are one dynamite gal. Wow! You are one dynamite gal! One dynamite gal! Dynamite gal! Dynamite… Get out! All I said is you’re a dynamite gal! - I said get out! Oh, jimminy jamminy! Yes? I’m Fix-It Felix Jr., sir from the game Fix-It Felix Jr. Have you seen my friend Ralph? - Wreck-It Ralph? Yes, yes that’s him! Should’ve lock him up when we had the chance. Locked him up? - Not making the same mistake with you. Hurry hurry, let’s go, time’s a wastin’, c’mon Ralph! This is it, this is really happening I almost don’t believe it. I mean, I have dreamt about it for so long and now.. and now.. now I think I’m gonna puke actually, I think I might puke. You know, like a ‘vurp’ A what? - Vomit and a burp together. And you can taste it. And it’s just like rising up. Oh this is so exciting! Yes, it is, it’s exciting! I mean am I ready to be a real racer? Ralph, what if the gamers don’t like me? Who doesn’t love a brat with dirty hair? C’mon, those people are gonna love you. You know why? Cause you’re a winner. A winner. - And you’re adorable! I’m adorable! - And everyone loves an adorable winner! Okay, c’mon Listen to me, if you get nervous.. ..just keep telling yourself ‘I must win Ralph’s medal, or his life will be ruined’. And have fun, got it? - Got it! Oh wait!… Hold on. Where you going? - I forgot something, I’ll be right back. Kids! Ralph, there you are, hello. - Huh? You?! - No no, I come alone, unarmed. I’ve had enough of you, pillow pants! - Calm down, please! I’m gonna beat the hella out of you! You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses, would you? You hit a guy ‘with’ glasses, that’s.. ..well played. - What do you want Candy? Listen, I just wanna talk to you. I’m not intrested in anything you have to say. But how about this? Are you interested… in this? My medal..how did you..?! - It doesn’t matter! It’s yours! Go ahead and take it. All I ask is that you hear me out. About what? Ralph, do you know what the hardest part about being a king is? Doing what’s right. No matter what. - Get to the point. Point being I need your help. Sad as it is, Vanellope cannot be allowed to race. Why are you people so against her? - I’m not against her.. I’m trying to protect her. If Vanellope wins that race.. she’ll be added to the race roster. Then gamers can choose the racer’s avatar. And when they see her glitching and then get glitching in just being herself.. They’ll think our game is broken We’ll be put ourt of order for good. All my subjects will be homeless. But there’s one who cannot escape because she’s a glitch. Help! Somebody help me! When the game’s plug is pulled.. ..she’ll die with it. You don’t know that will happen. The gamers could love her. - And if they don’t? I know it’s tough, but heroes have to make the tough choices, don’t they? She can’t race Ralph but… ..she won’t listen to me. So, can I count on you to talk a little sense into her? Very good. I’ll give you two some time alone. I’m back.. Did you miss me? - Yeah. ah.. Hey, can we talk for a second? - Wait, first kneel down. What? no no. w-we really.. - You just do it! Okay Now, close your eyes. Vanellope.. - Shush! Close ‘em! Okay, open them up. ‘To Stinkbrain’. Gee, thanks Turn it over. … [YOURE MY HERO] I made it for you. Just in case we don’t win. Not that I think there’s even a remote chance we’re not gonna win. Thanks kid..Ahmm, listen - Now.. rise, my royal champ. I’ve got a date with destiny. Ralph, c’mon move your molases. Ah, I’ve been thinking. - That’s dangerous. Who cares about this stupid race anyway? Right? That’s not very funny, Ralph - No, I’m serious and..ah.. It was really fun to build the car, and everything but, maybe.. maybe, you shouldn’t do it. - Ah.. Hello? Is Ralph in there? I’d like to speak to him please. - Look what I’m saying is, you can’t be a racer. What? Why would you.. Wait a minute.. No! - Where did you get this? Look, I’m gonna be straight with you kid, I’ve been talking to King Candy. King Candy? - Yeah. - You sold me out? No, I didn’t.. Listen, you don’t understand. No, I understand plenty. Traitor! I’m not a traitor, listen.. - You’re a rat! And I don’t need you! And I can win the race on my own. But I’m trying to save your skin, kid! - Put me down, let me go! No, you listen to me, you know whats gonna happen when the players see you glitching? They’re gonna think the game’s broken. - I don’t care, you’re a liar! Yo, you better care because if your game goes out of order you go down with the ship later, thats true! - I’m not listening to you! Get out of my way! I’m going to that race! - No, you’re not! Take me down from here, Ralph, right now! - No! I’m doing this for your own good! Wait, wait wait. No.. no.. no no no no! Please Ralph! No!! Stop it! ..Stop it! No! You really are a bad guy. Hello, anybody home? Felix.. Mary.. Well, you actually went and did it! - Gene, where is everybody? They’re gone, after Felix went to find you and then didn’t come back.. ..everyone panicked and abandon ship. But.. but, I’m here now? - It’s too late, Ralph. Litwak’s pulling our plug in the morning. But, never let it be said that I’m not a man of my word. The place is yours, Ralph. Enjoy! Gene, wait, wait! Listen, this is not what I wanted. Well, what did you want, Ralph? - I don’t know, I.. I just I was just tired of living alone in the garbage. Well now, you can live alone in the Penthouse. Hey cough-drop, explain something to me. If Vanellope was never meant to exist… then why is her picture on the side of the game console? What’s going on in this candy coated hearted darkness? - Nothing. Talk! - No. - I’ll lick you! You wouldn’t. - Oh yea? That’s like sand-paper! Wonder how many licks it will take to get to your centre? I’ll take it to my grave. - Fair enough! They call you Sour Bill for a reason! Had it enough yet? - Okay okay, I’ll talk, I’ll talk. Vanellope was a racer until King Candy tried to delete her code. Tried to delete her code? So, that’s why she’s a glitch! Why is he doing this to her? - I don’t know. Suit yourself. - No no no, I swear I don’t know! He literally locked up our memory and I cannot remember. Nobody can. But I do know this.. He’ll do anything to keep her from racing because if she crosses the finish line… the game will reset and she won’t be a glitch anymore. Where is she now? - In the Fungeon with Fix-It Felix. - Felix?! I’m sorry, that’s all I know that’s all I know, I swear! No please don’t put me back in your filthy mouth again! Stick around - Yes, okay I will, I will. Thank you. C’mon I know you’re out there. Saccharin saturated nightmare! Where? Doomsday and Armageddon just had a baby, and it is ugly! Hello, hello! Somebody? Anybody? Please let me out! What is that.. what’s he say? I’m gonna wreck it! Why do I fix everything I touch? Felix! - Ralph, I’m so glad to see you! No, wait.. I’m not What do you have to say for yourself? Wait, I don’t want to hear I’m not talking to you. Okay, don’t talk. That’s fine. But you have to fix this go-cart for me pronto. I don’t have to do boo! Forgive my potty mouth. I’m just so.. so cross with you! Do you have any idea what you put me through? I went Higgledy piggledy all over creation looking for you. I almost drowned in chocolate milk mix! And then, I met the most dynamite gal! Oh, she gives me the honey glow, something aweful! But, she rebuffed my affections. And then, I got thrown in jail! Felix, pull yourself together. No, Ralph you don’t know what it’s like to be rejected and treated like a criminal. Yes, I do That’s everyday in my life. It is? - Which is why I ran off. I tried to be a good guy but I’m not. Just a bad guy and I need your help. There’s a little girl whose only hope is this car. Please, Felix, fix it. And I promise I will never try to be good again. I know, I know, I’m an idiot. And? - and a real Numbskull And? - a selfish diaper baby. And? - and.. a Stinkbrain. The stinkiest brain ever. My sweet subjects, I came without a flinch of hesitation to show you that I have never been so happy in all my life to say the following words: Let the Random Roster Race commence! Okay, remember.. you don’t have to win Just cross that finish line and you’ll be a real racer. I’m already a real racer. And I’m gonna win! Power Up! Oh! A La Mode! Sweet Seekers! Have some candy Behind you.. In front of you! It’s the glitch! - The glitch. Light ‘em up Candlehead! What’s this? Cherry Bomb! I told you, you’re just an accident waiting to happen. My candle! Alright, gotta keep it under control. No more glitching. Okay kid, let’s finish this thing without any more surprises. Hope you’re happy jumk-pile! This game is going down and it’s all your fault! My lady, you came back! - Can it, Fix-It! That Cy-Bug you brought with you multiplied No, it died in the taffy swamp, believe me! Bullroar. Listen up people, head to Game Central Station, now! Move it let’s go let’s go! No! Get off of my track! - Hey, what are you crazy?! I forbid you to cross that finish line! Knock it off! Ralph, look! - Kid! No, Stop it! - Let me… urgh! Not letting you undo all my hard work!
Fix-It Felix Jr.: Is that…?
Ralph: No way!
Vanellope: What the? Who are you?
Turbo: I’m Turbo! The greatest racer ever! And I did not reprogram this world to let you and that hollow coaster riddled warthog take it away from me! Turbo-Tastic! [laugh] End of the line, glitch!
Vanellope: Glitch… That’s it! C’mon, Vanellope! I know you said you wouldn’t do it again… but you’re gonna do it one more time Just focus and concentrate. And… Glitch!
Vanellope: Sweet mother of monkey milk I did it!
Bring it home kid, the finish line’s wide open! No! Kid, kid are you okay? I’m fine, I’m fine Let’s finish this race! Oh my RAM! - Alright C’mon we gotta get out of here! But I didn’t cross the finish line! - There is no finish line! Move it or lose it people, c’mon everybody out now! Ralph, it’s not gonna work. - We gotta try. Kid! - Ralph I told you I can’t leave the game! C’mon! - Ralph, just stop! It’s gotta work! - Stop, it’s no use. It’s okay, Ralph. Alright Fix-It, that’s everyone now we gotta blow up this exit. Just go. Go without me. What about this game? - Nothing we can do about it. Without a beacon, there’s no way to stop these monsters. Beacon.. Stay with Felix. Let me borrow that thing lady. - Ralph, where are you going? I got some wrecking to do. I’ll meet you at the finish line! - No, wait! Fix-It, get behind me One more.. Welcome to the Boss Level! - Turbo! Because of you, Ralph, I’m now the most powerful virus in the Arcade. I can take over any game I want. I should thank you but, it’d be more fun to kill you. Get back here little guy! Where do you think you’re going? I’m not through with you yet. Up we go! - No! Fall back! Kid! Look at that, it’s your little friend! Let’s watch her die together, shall we. No It’s game over for both of you. - No. Just for me! I’m bad, and that’s good. I will never be good and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be.. ..than me. Kid! - Don’t worry, I got it under control. Why are you going into the light? No, no.. Yeah… Go into the light! Chocolate, it’s chocolate. I love chocolate! Beautiful chocolate! You did it, Ralph! Oh..Way to go brother! I’m… excu.. All fixed. - You ready for this? Ready as I’ll ever be. Look at all the magic sparkles! Now, I remember. All hail, the rightful ruler of Sugar Rush. Princess Vanellope. I remember, she’s a princess. That’s right! - We are so sorry about the way we treated you! Yeah, those were jokes. I was just doing what Taffyta told me to do. Tut tut! As your merciful princess I hereby decree that.. ..everyone who has ever mean to be shall be… ..executed. - What?! No no no, please please - Oh my RAM! Oh this place just got interesting! I don’t wanna die! - I’m just kidding! You are? - Stop crying, Taffyta! I’m trying but it won’t stop. Wow, so this is the real you! Princess.. - Oh, Ralph, what are you nuts?! C’mon, this isn’t me!.. This is me! Look, the code may say I’m a princess but, I know who I really am, Ralph. I’m a racer with the greatest superpower ever. I was here I was there. I was glitching through the wall I’m not giving that up! Pardon me for asking but, without a princess, who’s gonna lead us? - Yea who? Uh.. me. I’m thinking more along the lines of a constitutional democracy. President Vanellope von Schweetz. Has a nice ring to it don’t you think? Fix-It, Wreck-It, the Arcade’s about to open. Let’s move ‘em out! You know you could just stay here and live in the castle. You’d have your own wing where no one would ever complain about your stench or treat you bad ever again. You could be happy. I’m already happy. Got the coolest friend in the world. And besides, I’ve got a job to do too. May not be as fancy as being president… but it’s my duty And it’s a big duty. Ralph, you coming brother? See you later, President Fartfeathers. Au revoir, Admiral Underpants. And farewell, Baroness Boogerface. Goodbye, Major Bodyodour. Hasta la vista. Ralph!.. - Alright, to be continued! I’m gonna wreck it Hey, Ralph’s back Isn’t it great? The game’s all here - So, I’m happy to report… and you’ll be happy to hear I’m taking life one game at a time. First, the job hasn’t changed. But, news flash.. The Nicelanders are being nice to me. And you know that got me thinking about those poor guys left without a game. So here’s what we did - We’re going to wreck it! We ask them to help us out in the bonus level. We can fix it! I’m tellin’ you guys, we haven’t been this popular in years! It’s crazy! The gamers say we’re Retro… which… It means, Old, but Cool. How come I never noticed this game? Oh and I decided that living in a dump wasn’t making me feel very good. So, I cleaned it up. Built myself a little shack and a couple for the new guys too. Well, with a little help from Felix. Oh and guess who is the best man at his and Calhoun’s wedding? That’s right my friends, old ‘ham hands’ himself. Very elegant affair, should’ve seen it, lot of grandeur. And not a single bug. And let’s just say some tears were shed. But I gotta say, the best part of my day… is when I get thrown off the roof. Because when the Nicelanders lift me up.. I get a perfect view of Sugar Rush. And I can see Vanellope racing. The kid’s a natural! And the players love her, glitch and all! Just like I knew they would. Turns out I don’t need a medal to tell me I’m a good guy. Cause, if that little kid likes me… how bad can I be?
- [Ralph has just scared away the Sugar Rush racers who were tearing apart Vanellope’s pedal kart; she gets up off the ground, sniffling]
- Vanellope: What are you looking at?
- Ralph: You’re welcome, ya rotten little thief.
- Vanellope: I’m not a thief! I just borrowed your stupid coin! I was gonna give it back to you as soon as I won the race!
- Ralph: It’s not a coin! It’s a medal!
- Vanellope: Coin, medal, whatever! Just go back to your own dumb game and win another one.
- Ralph: I can’t. I didn’t win it in my game, I won it in Hero’s Duty.
- Vanellope: Hero’s Doody? [bursts out laughing]
- Ralph: It’s not that kind of duty!
- Vanellope: I bet you really gotta watch where you step in a game called Hero’s Doody! Ha ha ha! What’d you win the medal for, wiping? [Ralph rolls his eyes] I hope you washed your hands after you handled that medal!
- Ralph: Listen—
- Vanellope: One more, one more: why did the hero flush the toilet? Say "Why?"
- Ralph: [unimpressed] Why?
- Vanellope: Because it was his "doody"!
- Ralph: How dare you insult Hero’s Duty, you little guttersnipe! I earned that medal! And you better get it back for me toute-suite, sister!
- Vanellope: Well, unless you’ve got a go-kart hidden in the fat folds of your neck, I can’t help ya!
- [at his breaking point, Ralph starts taking out his anger by smashing apart the candy that litters the junkyard; he comes across a jawbreaker and hits it repeatedly]
- Vanellope: [to herself] What a moron. [to Ralph] Hey, genius! That’s a jawbreaker! You’re never gonna— [Ralph finally manages to smash the jawbreaker open; Vanellope gives an impressed smile] Oh…
- [Ralph sits down, exhausted, and Vanellope approaches him]
- Vanellope: Enjoy your little tantrum, Diaper-Baby?
- Ralph: Leave me alone.
- Vanellope: Look, you want that medal, right? And I wanna race. So here’s what I’m thinkin’: You help me get a new kart—a real kart—and I’ll win the race and get you back your medal!
- Ralph: You want me to help you?
- Vanellope: All you gotta do is break somethin’ for me. C’mon, what do you say, friend? [extends her hand]
- Ralph: We are not friends.
- Vanellope: Aw, c’mon, pal! You son-of-a-gun! C’mon, buddy! Shake on it! C’mon, chumbo! Ralph, my man! M’ main man! [seriously] Hey. My arm’s getting tired. Do we have a deal or not?
- Ralph: [groans; defeatedly] You better win. [shakes Vanellope’s hand]
- Ralph: Hey, Cough Drop! Explain somethin’ to me. If Vanellope was never meant to exist, then why is her picture on the side of the game console?
- Sour Bill: Uh… [tries to make a run for it, but Ralph grabs him]
- Ralph: What’s goin’ on in this candy-coated heart of darkness?
- Sour Bill: Nothin’.
- Ralph: Talk!
- Sour Bill: No.
- Ralph: I’ll lick you!
- Sour Bill: You wouldn’t.
- Ralph: Oh yeah? [licks Sour Bill]
- Sour Bill: Ugh! It’s like sandpaper!
- Ralph: Mmm, I wonder how many licks it’ll take to get to your center?
- Sour Bill: I’ll take it to my grave!
- Ralph: Fair enough. [tosses Sour Bill into his mouth] Oh, they call you Sour Bill for a reason! [Sour Bill lets out a muffled scream; Ralph takes him out] Had enough yet?
- Sour Bill: Okay, okay, I’ll talk, I’ll talk! Vanellope was a racer until King Candy tried to delete her code!
- Ralph: Tried to delete her code? So that’s why she’s a glitch! Why is he doing this to her?!
- Sour Bill: I don’t know!
- Ralph: Suit yourself. [starts to put Sour Bill back in his mouth]
- Sour Bill: No, no, no, no, no, no! I swear I don’t know! He literally locked up our memories and I cannot remember! Nobody can! But I do know this. He’ll do anything to keep her from racing. Because if she crosses the finish line, the game will reset, and she won’t be a glitch anymore!
- Ralph: Where is she now?
- Sour Bill: In the fungeon with Fix-It Felix.
- Ralph: Felix?!
- Sour Bill: I’m sorry! That’s all I know, that’s all I know, I swear! Now please, don’t put me back in your filthy mouth again! [sobs]
- Ralph: [sticks Sour Bill to a lollipop tree] Stick around! [gathers up the remains of Vanellope’s broken go-kart and takes off]
- Sour Bill: Yes, okay. I will, I will. Thank you.
- Ralph: [bursts through the wall of Felix’s jail cell] Felix!
- Felix: Ralph! [jumps up; hugs Ralph] I’m so glad to see you! [lets go] Wait. No, I’m not! What do you have to say for yourself?!
- Ralph: I—
- Felix: Wait! I don’t want to hear it. I’m not talking to you.
- Ralph: Okay. Don’t talk. That’s fine. [dumps out a can full of the broken go-kart] But you have to fix this go-kart for me, pronto.
- Felix: I don’t have to do boo! Forgive my potty mouth. I’m just so…so cross with you! Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?! I ran higgeldy-piggeldy all over creation looking for you! I almost drowned in chocolate milk mix! And then…I met the most dynamite gal. Oh. She gives me the honey glows somethin’ awful. But…she rebuffed my affections. And then, I got thrown in jail!
- Ralph: Felix, pull yourself together!
- Felix: No, Ralph! You have no idea what it’s like to be rejected and treated like a criminal! [turns away]
- Ralph: Yes, I do. That’s every day of my life.
- Felix: It is?
- Ralph: Which is why I ran off. I tried to be a good guy, but I’m not! I’m just a bad guy. But I need your help. There’s a little girl whose only hope is this kart. Please, Felix, fix it! And I promise, I will never try to be good again.
- [Felix smiles; pulls out his hammer]
- [Vanellope’s glitch causes King Candy to start glitching, which in turn reveals King Candy’s true form: Turbo]
- Vanellope: What the— Who are you?!
- Turbo: I’m Turbo, the greatest racer ever! And I did not reprogram this world to let you and that halitosis-riddled warthog take it away from me!
- Sour Bill: All hail the rightful ruler of Sugar Rush: Princess Vanellope.
- Taffyta: [gasps] I remember! She’s our princess!
- Candlehead: Oh, that’s right!
- Taffyta: We are so sorry about the way we treated you!
- Rancis: Yeah, those were, uh, jokes!
- Candlehead: I was just doing what Taffyta told me to do!
- Vanellope: Tut tut! As your merciful princess, I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be… executed.
- Racers: What?!
- Taffyta: No, no, no, please! Please!
- Felix: Oh, my land!
- Calhoun: Well, this place just got interesting.
- Taffyta: [drops to her knees] No! I don’t wanna die!
- Vanellope: Ah, I’m just kiddin’!
- Taffyta: You are?
- Vanellope: Stop crying, Taffyta.
- Taffyta: [hyperventilates] I’m trying! It won’t stop!