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  • [in the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: Hi Squidward! What'cha watchin'?
  • News Reporter: We'll be right back.
  • SpongeBob': Oh, it's a commercial.
  • Commercial: They're new! They're...Snail Bites!
  • SpongeBob: Ooooh.
  • Squidward: Here, I'll change the channel.
  • SpongeBob: Don't change the channel!
  • Commercial: [a bite is taken out of the "Snail Bites" logo with a crunching sound] Snail Bites. [manlier voice] SNAIL BITES!
  • Male Fish In Commercial: Snail Bites. [gives snack to begging snail]
  • Female Fish In Commercial: Snail Bites. [gives snack to begging snail] Snail Bites.
  • [another bite is taken out of the "Snail Bites" logo with a crunching sound]
  • Male Fish In Commercial: [snail is licking man's face] Snail Bites.
  • Commercial: Snail Bites.
  • Female Fish In Commercial: Snail Bites. [throws snack behind her and kicks it into the snail's mouth]
  • Male Fish In Commercial: [throws snack into distance for the snail to catch, snack comes back around and so does the snail, catching the snack] Snail Bites.
  • Commercial: They're new. Snail Bites!
  • Female Fish In Commercial: [gives snail a treat and kisses the snail] Snail Bites.
  • Commercial: [box explodes releasing treats] SNAIL BITES!
  • Female and Male Fish In Commercial: Your snail will go nuts for Snail Bites... and so will you.
  • [box explodes again]
  • Commercial: [speedy] Snail Bites.
  • SpongeBob: Did you see that, Squidward? [Squidward appears to be gone] Snail Bites.
  • [at SpongeBob's house]
  • SpongeBob: Gary, I'm home! [closes door] Oh, Gary! You've got a big surprise coming to you.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Snail Bites. [holds up box, rips open top and then shakes box]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: It smells good? [reaches in and gives Gary a Snail Bite]
  • Gary: [cheerfully] Meow!
  • SpongeBob: Does somebody want another Snail Bite? [holds up another treat] Can somebody roll over? [whisphers quickly] Roll over.
  • [Gary rolls over from body to shell to back to shell and pants like a dog. SpongeBob gives Gary another Snail Bite. SpongeBob then walks away.]
  • SpongeBob: We'll have some more of these a little later. [Gary races in front of him]
  • Gary: Meow
  • SpongeBob: More treats?
  • Gary: Meow Meow Meow
  • SpongeBob: Well, I can't say no to my wittle Gare-Bear [SpongeBob takes out a treat and Gary jumps up and eats it]
  • [Scene cuts to Gary picking up a ball and throwing it. SpongeBob gives him a treat. Then we see Gary jumping on 5 trampolines, going into a tunnel, and rolling down a slide. SpongeBob gives Gary another treat. The scene then pans over to Gary doing archery and SpongeBob gives another Snailbite. They walk away from the target. We now see Gary lifting a 500 pound weight with his eyes and SpongeBob gives him a snailbite. Then Gary goes bowling and knocks all the pins over. SpongeBob then gives him a treat. Gary then jumps out of a plane and pull out the parachute. As he lands, SpongeBob gives him another treat. Gary then pulls a red curtain to reveal a marble sculpture and SpongeBob gives him a treat for it. Gary then performs a famous Houdini trick by being bind in a straight jacket and dunked in a tank of water where he struggles to escape. The scene cuts to SpongeBob watching this act and Gary comes to him as SpongeBob gives him a snailbite. Gary then does a motorcycle stunt by driving over buses and going through a ring of fire. SpongeBob gives Gary another treat as he lands on the last ramp.]
  • [The scene cuts to SpongeBob's house where Gary wants more treats from SpongeBob]
  • Gary: Meow meow meow meow
  • SpongeBob: Gary, that's an awful lot of Snail Bites for one evening. Are you sure you want more? {He sees Gary on a unicycle humming a kazoo while spinning a hula hoop} Well, I suppose one more couldn't hurt. [He reaches into the Snailbites box, but he finds nothing] Whoops, looks like that was the last of them Gary. We're all out. [He gets up and yawns] It's probably for the best. [sleepy, he rubs his eye] I'm getting pretty tired anyway. I think I'll skip my nightly motivational exercise and go to straight to bed.
  • Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! [Gary looks into empty box but cant find anything]
  • Gary: [crawls up onto SpongeBob in bed] Meow, meow, meow, meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gary, please! (Puts pillow over his face, but Gary crawls into it and continues meowing)
  • Gary: Meow, meow, meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gary Wilson, Junior., I promise you we will get more treats tomorrow! Now, please, let me (yawns) sleep. (He walks slowly back to bed, but Gary continues to meow)
  • Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! [his eyes widen] MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!
  • SpongeBob: (gets out of bed) Gary! It is 4:00 in the morning! What exactly do you want from me?! (Gary uses slime to spell TREATS on wall)
  • Gary: Meow. (To pet store)
  • SpongeBob: [sleepy] Gary, this is ridiculous! See? The pet store won't be open for hours. [Shivers] Not to mention it's freezing out here! Can't we just go home and come back in the morning?
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: I just can't say no to my little Gare-Bear. (SpongeBob lies down on ground to go to sleep. He uses a soda can as a pillow) Good night, Gary. (yawns) See ya in the morning! (Tries to continue sleeping, but Gary keeps meowing until morning) (Harold comes to the door)
  • SpongeBob: Excuse me!
  • Harold: Please! I'm just the floor manager! The cashier won't be here for another hour!
  • SpongeBob: DO YOU HAVE ANY SNAIL BITES ?!? We need some Snail Bites.
  • Gary: Meow!
  • Harold: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Those sold out almost immediately! (Opens door and goes into store)
  • 'Gary:'MEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (SpongeBob sighs and leaves home) (Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house)
  • SpongeBob: (yawns) Ok, Gary, I'm off to the Krusty Krab! (Grabs his work hat) Hope your day is as fun-filled as mine! Whoa! Gary?! (Gary shows up at door, holding an empty box of Snail Bites in his teeth) Yes, so, I will see you tonight, Gary. (Tries to open door, but Gary growls every time he tries to) Gary, is that a box of Snail Bites in your teeth? He, he. That's funny, because I think I just saw a half-full box in the kitchen. (Gary runs for the kitchen, while SpongeBob leaves the house) (Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab) (SpongeBob hums while flipping patties on grill)
  • Gary: Meow! (SpongeBob looks outside to notice that Gary is in the Krusty Krab)
  • Fish: Normally, I'm so shy, but... (Gary crawls up on customer and knocks down her food)
  • Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gary, what are you doing here? YOU'RE CAUSING A SCENE!!! (Everyone in Krusty Krab stops what they're doing and stares at SpongeBob, even Squidward)
  • Gary: Meow!
  • SpongeBob: I know, you want more Snail Bites. But the pet store was completely sold out of them!
  • Gary: Meow!
  • SpongeBob: I know, Gary...
  • Gary: Meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gary, I just said the pet store was completely sold out of Snail Bites! What am I supposed to do?!
  • Nat Peterson: Well, you can try going to the factory where they make them.
  • SpongeBob: (picks up Gary and leaves) Thanks a lot. (Bubble transition to factory) You're WHAT?!
  • Factory Worker: We're closed! Do I have to spell it out for you? C-S-L-O-S-Z-E-D. Cuh-losed! Not only that, but the very last box of Snail Bites shipped out days ago! They were such a hit they flew out of the stores and now, we've run out of ingredients! From what I hear, the owner even dropped out of the pet food business entirely! Yeah, I mean, why wouldn't he, huh? He's made his money!
  • SpongeBob: You see, Gary? There are no more...
  • Factory Worker: I mean, it's not like I wouldn't do the same thing if I were in his shoes!
  • SpongeBob: So, you see, Gary, there...
  • Factory Worker: Why would anybody go around punishing themselves, just for the sake of the happiness of a few pets or...
  • SpongeBob: Would you mind being quiet for one second, please!
  • Factory Worker: Sorry.
  • SpongeBob: Gary, they're completely sold out. There are no more Snail Bites left in the entire world and there never will be!
  • Gary: Meow!
  • SpongeBob: [frustrated] What do you want me to DO GARY?! [flails his arms in annoyance and frustration] TRAVEL THE EARTH CHECKING EVERY PET STORE IN EXISTENCE TO SEE IF THEY HAPPEN TO HAVE A BOX OF SNAIL BITES LEFT? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!????????!??!!!!!!!
  • Gary: Meow! (SpongeBob and Gary begin going on an expedition to various pet stores, but none of the stores have Snail Bites)
  • Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gary, take a look at this map. (Opens a map with landmarks on it) This is a map of every pet store in the entire world! We've been to every single one of them, Gary! And not one of them has the treats you are after! Not one! I can't keep looking, Gary. I just can't.
  • Gary: Meow, meow, meow! (Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house) Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! Your snail's still meowing?! I have experience with these situations. You're the sponge. He is the snail. You just have to say "no" in a very firm voice!
  • SpongeBob: But I don't want to say no to my wittle Gare-Bear! I want him to be happy!
  • Patrick: Well, you gotta be firm, SpongeBob! Sometimes, you have to no when to say know. Oh, wait, wait, wait, it's the other way around. You have to know when to say "no". Yeah, that's it!
  • SpongeBob: But I don't know how to say no, Patrick!
  • Patrick: No problem, SpongeBob! You can practice on me! Pretend I'm Gary and tell me "no".
  • SpongeBob: (grunts) I can't! You're so cute!
  • Patrick: (pants like a dog) Do it, SpongeBob! (continues panting) (SpongeBob keeps grunting) Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
  • SpongeBob: No.
  • Patrick: Stop it!! (cries and goes back to rock)
  • Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gary, this won't be easy, but the time has come when I must say nnnnnee, nnnn..Oh, Gary, It's a photo, it's a framed photo of the moment I picked you up at the pound. (Takes photo and looks at it) I remember that day like it was yesterday. Oh, and a photo of the time you built me a castle made of glitter and lollipops. (sniffles) Gary, this is the most special...Oh. Nice try, Gary.
  • Gary: Meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gare-Bear, we looked everywhere! There are no more Snail Bites! I'm sorry, Gary, but the answer is...no. (Gary meows and goes back into house to take a nap, leaving SpongeBob surprised that he won't have to get distracted again. Cuts to Patrick's rock when he finished the very last box.)
  • Patrick: This last known box of Snail Bites sure is delicious! (Notices the box is empty) Hey! It's empty! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! (Episode ends)
  • Mrs. Puff: [Sneezes, then inflates but quickly deflates] Ouch.
  • SpongeBob: [Pushing a wheelchair] Come on Mrs. Puff! You need to get out of this stuffy, old room!
  • Mrs. Puff: I'm not leaving this bed! [Gets lifted off the bed and onto the wheelchair] Woah!
  • SpongeBob: Up and at 'em! [Pushing Mrs. Puff down the hall] Y'know what will make you feel better Mrs. Puff? A nice peaceful stroll! [Whistles but then the alarm goes off noticing doctors pushing people on wheelchairs].
  • Male Doctor: Clear the way! Injured coming through!
  • [Another doctor pushes a guy on a bed and the head Doctor get's stopped by SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Excuse me! Doctor! What's up with those guys?
  • Purple Doctorfish: Oh, it's nothing serious. Just a caluty from this weeks Demolition Derby! Come check out the carnage! It's actually quite entertaining.
  • [Spongebob pushes Mrs. Puff to the window and notices a bunch of guys crashing into each other].
  • Purple Doctorfish: Pretty gruesome huh? You gotta hand it to those guys! Risking their lives for our amusement!
  • Mrs. Puff: [thinking] Risking their lives for our amusement? [Has a thought bubble of SpongeBob getting crashed by four guys then dying. Still talking in thoughts] I could finally be rid of SpongeBob! [Spoken] Forever! Ha ha! And I mean that in the worst possible way! [Laughs evily].
  • SpongeBob: What's so funny?
  • Mrs. Puff: I just thought of a way that you could earn extra credit!
  • SpongeBob: Hooray!
  • Mrs. Puff: [Evil look] Yes, hooray indeed!
  • [Bubble transition to the Demolition Derby].
  • Mrs. Puff: [Laughing and comes out of the office with SpongeBob and a fish] So what do you say Captain Lutefisk? Will you enter him in the derby? For old times sake?
  • Captain Lutefisk: Well Puff old girl! I wouldn't be I am today without your driving school. [Walks over to SpongeBob] But I don't know. He looks kinda soft. [Pushes down on SpongeBob's head].
  • Mrs. Puff: Looks can be deceiving! Observe! Here SpongeBob [Takes out a steering wheel] Hold this. [Gives SpongeBob the steering wheel and he suddenly starts to "drive" off and crashes].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Woah-aoh-aoh! That kid's a natural! [SpongeBob returns and stops "driving"] But he's going to need a scarier identity. Derby's all about image! [Snaps[Takes off shoe then sock and uses a pair of sissors and starts cutting up the sock and puts it on SpongeBob's head].
  • SpongeBob: Look out extra credit! Here I come!
  • Mrs. Puff: Heh heh, yes! "Extra credit!" [Laughs evily].
  • [Bubble transition to a crowd cheering in a stadium].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Demolition Derby! Allow me to introduce our contestants! [Camera switches to a giant, musclar purple in a shark-like boat] First off, fegin of crossing guards everywhere: The Kruncher! [Crowd cheers for The Kruncher] And from the darkest depths of the brivin' blue: Divin' Bell Dale! [Divin' Bell Dale pounds his chest] And of course, you know and admire: Blow Torch! [Blow Torch breathes out fire] And the funniest driver of all: The Cackling Cruiser! (The Cackling Crusier laughs) Now with introductions out of the way...[Notices SpongeBob drive up between the Kruncher and Blow Torch]...Oh! I almost forgot! (Laughs) The Squish!
  • The Kruncher: Hey, Le Squish looks pretty "tough." [Looks down at SpongeBob] Maybe we should give up now.
  • [The Kruncher and Blow Torch laugh alongside the crowd which then Mrs. Puff shows up laughing maniacally].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Ok drivers! Start yer engines! And let the destruction begin! [Waves flag].
  • [The Kruncher, Blow Torch, Divin' Bell Dale, and The Cackling Cruiser all drive off. Then The Kruncher then readies to crash into SpongeBob].
  • Mrs. Puff: I can't look! Wait, yes I can!
  • SpongeBob: [Notices the Kruncher driving at him] Ah! [The Kruncher ends of driving into SpongeBob's mouth which causes him to stop in mid air].
  • The Kruncher: What the hay? [Gets send crashing into the wall by SpongeBob].
  • Mrs. Puff: What? This is not going well...
  • SpongeBob: Huh? [Notices Divin' Bell Dale driving toward him] Oh, dear. I think I'm in that fellow's way. [Turns the key as Dale gets closer] Engauge turn signals.[Turns on turn signals as Dale gets even closer] Adjust mirrors.[Adjusts mirros as Dale is even closer now] Hands at ten and two, and finally floor it. [Laughs and the back wheels on his boat spin fast causing dirt to fly at Dale's helment which blinds him].
  • The Kruncher: [Drives out of hole in the wall] Oh, what happened? [Notices Dale swerving around and he eventually crashes into him].
  • Mrs. Puff: What is wrong with you guys?! Squash the Squish! [Notices Blow Torch ramming SpongeBob into the air] Yes!
  • Blow Torch: [Laughs and snorts].
  • [SpongeBob flies out and back into the water and one of his back wheels land on Blow Torch's face. Spongebob then pushes the gas pedal causing him to literally run off Blow Torch's face].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Oh! Ooh! Le Squish turns it around with a rare face trend maneuver!
  • Mrs. Puff: [Cries].
  • SpongeBob: [Notices all of the drivers surround him] Mrs. Puff! What should I...
  • Mrs. Puff: Why... are you still... ALIVE?!
  • SpongeBob: Put her in drive? Thanks Mrs. Puff, You're the best!
  • [SpongeBob tires to put it in drive the The Cackling Cruiser crashes into him from behind but he bounces off the wall and back into the Cruiser causing him to crash into the wall and his wheels fall off. SpongeBob goes flying over The Kruncher who then crashes into The Cackling Cruiser. SpongeBob then avoids Blow Torch, Divin' Bell Dale, and some unknown driver which they all end up driving into a fish on a boat. All of the wreckage start flying by Mrs. Puff and the crowd which they look in awe].
  • Mrs. Puff: Curse you, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: [Still driving] What's that Mrs. Puff? [About the drive into Blow Torch].
  • Blow Torch: [Laughs] I got you this time! [SpongeBob ends up driving up the front on his boat and then Blow Torch crashes. SpongeBob goes flying back in the other direction].
  • Mrs. Puff: This is it! Ha ha! Yes! Huh?
  • [SpongeBob ends up on top of the wreckage still intact. The crowd then cheers for him].
  • Mrs. Puff: If you want someone demolished, I guess you have to demolish them yourself! [Pushes down a random fish and appears in a giant monster boat wearing a helment and jump suit] Not so fast! There's one more challenger! I'm The Huff! [Drives toward SpongeBob then at the crowd which she starts to drive away from the derby. She then notices the crowd on her windshield] You're blocking my view! [Turns on the windshield wipers and knocks the people off her windshield. Then she continues to pursue SpongeBob laughing evily as they drive back to her driving school. They start driving around the course] Hah hah hah! Huh? [She and SpongeBob drive right into the classroom destroying it in the process].
  • SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff! It's you! [Mrs. Puff then inflates] And you're all "puffy" again! Now everything's back to normal!
  • [The entire building then collaspes on them].
  • Mrs. Puff: Yes, perfectly normal.