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MAN: It's not working. It's not working!

Stop!

Great, nice job. Now you're just getting us more stuck.

This is your fault.

You were yelling at me.

That's why you weren't looking at the road.

How is that my fault?! See?! Right there!

You're doing exactly what Dr. Wiseman said.

You're deflecting. Nothing is ever your fault!

For the love of all that is holy, can we please fight about this when we're not stuck in a ditch?

Symbolic accident. That's all I'm saying.

Let's just get out of here.

Just rock it, and when I say, give it the gas.

Don't order me around!

(tires whirring)

All right, rock it!

Yeah! Good!

All right, rock it!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, more!

Yeah! Step on it!

(grunts, coughs)

Stop! Stop!

(coughing) Stop the car!

(coughing, retching)

Is this real or are you just trying to get attention?

No, something shot down my throat.

Here, give me a hand.

(screaming)

(both screaming)

(scream echoing)

Come on. Why do they eve bother printing the whole paper?

Why can't they just have one page that just says everything is horrible everywhere?

There's an interesting op-ed piece about the deadlock in the House Appropriations Committee.

That sounds like a fun morning read.

So what are you doing there?

"Should I run for president?"

I believe every American should consider what is his or her greatest contribution to the common good.

That is not in dispute. I have a profound depth of knowledge of the evolution of government from early Mesopotamian city states to the Ching Dynasty to Moorish caliphates, the laws of Ur-Nammu and Hammurabi...

Whoo! Go figure. You can't run for President of the United States, Bones.

Well, not this election cycle, obviously.

But look what I have on my "pro" list.

"Excellent understanding of the criminal justice system."

Because of our work together.

And I have an impressive conviction rate, too.

Oh, "Empathy with the struggles of the working class."

I worked several minimum wage jobs while on the run.

I'm actually thinking of a tax plan...

You sort of just glossed over "on the run."

You know, you were a fugitive.

Where's that? That's not on the list.

I was cleared.

Well, after evading arrest for three months.

Give me the pen-- fugitive, con.

Are you saying that you think I would be a bad candidate?

(phone ringing) Because Donald Trump was thinking of running.

Booth.

Yeah, okay, we are on our way.

We are up.

Body in a ditch.

I hope you'll be more supportive if our daughter decides to run for president.

Well, we'll cross that bridge when she starts walking, okay?

(sirens wailing, indistinct radio communication)

So, the cop here, he tells me that this couple here, they were arguing and they ran off the side of the road.

I would suspend the licenses of reckless drivers.

Current laws are much too lenient.

You're making laws now?

She wants to be president.

Oh. Excellent.

See? Yeah.

Dr. Hodgins, is there any way to clear the insects off of the remains?

I know. I am trying.

BRENNAN: Where happened to the anterior portion of the victim's skull?

The tire was right on the head when they were trying to get out of the mud.

The wheels spun, tore off most of the face and sprayed it everywhere.

Our friend over there wound up catching a face full of face.

BRENNAN: Primary cranial structure indicates a male Caucasian in his late 20s.

I've never seen a Presidential candidate I.D. remains before.

I tell you, you should put that on your "pro" list.

TECH: Dr. Hodgins?

Oh, thank you.

Okay, with that.

(vacuum whirs)

Hey, check it out! Bug rapture.

(giggles) Sorry.

This just makes me so happy.

Look at 'em go! (laughing)

Okay, okay.

(vacuum stops)

Compression-force trauma extends from his coccyx to his cranium, stopping at the frontal bone.

Getting crushed by the car may have something to do with that, Bones. Just, you know...

BOOTH: So how long has he been in the ditch?

Well, the moisture from the mud makes it difficult to tell.

But as soon I get back to the lab, my six- and eight-legged friends here will give us an exact time.

The witness isn't feeling well.

He said he swallowed something when he was sprayed with person.

His stomach acid could be destroying evidence.

Sprayed with person? Hold on-- Bones...

BRENNAN: Excuse me.

My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan.

I understand you may have swallowed some of the remains.

No. It felt like a rock.

Okay, should we get him back to the Jeffersonian?

Not necessary.

Please open wide and say "ah."

Ah...

Ugh!

Wow. What did you give him?

Ipecac syrup. It induces regurgitation.

(groans)

A leader has to be decisive, Booth.

I certainly wasn't going to wait for him to pass it-- tooth.

He swallowed a tooth.

You lost my vote.

Thank you.

♪ Bones 8x04 ♪ The Tiger in the Tale Original Air Date on October 8, 2012

♪ Main Title Theme ♪ The Crystal Method

DAISY: Significant damage to the capitate, the hamate and styloid process of the third metacarpal.

The radiating splintering is suggestive of a high velocity strike, most likely a gunshot wound.

SAROYAN: 1.6 centimeters in diameter.

If it was a bullet, it was probably from a nine-millimeter fired at very close range.

Shot in the hand. Torture, maybe?

Look at that crown on the third molar in the fourth quadrant of the mandibular arch.

Based on discoloration, it's unlikely to be more than five years old.

It's the only clean tooth in the bunch.

The lingual surface to the first molar is fractured down to the dentin.

There are two fillings in disrepair and heavy calculus buildup at the gum line.

Why fix one tooth but not the others?

When I am president, I will introduce a bill which will allow every American to get good dental care.

It will involve a simple five-tier system balancing variable efficiency measurements and parametric funding models.

Ah, finally.

Huh.

What is this?

DAISY: What is that?

SAROYAN: Newspaper.

Yeah, he was wearing boots that were much too big for him.

Bad teeth, bad boots.

Our victim came from a lower caste.

We don't have castes in America.

Wow. Would you care to look me in the face and say that?

Oh, God, did this just morph into a racial thing?

Blowfly larvae indicate time of death to be between five and eight days ago.

And the date on this newspaper is from six days ago.

These treads are really jammed with evidence.

I might be able to tell you the last place this guy walked.

I see nothing giving us cause of death yet.

Shallow grave at the side of the road, gunshot wound...

I'm gonna throw caution to the wind here and call it a suspected homicide.

Hey.

Well?

Well, it's ours.

We officially live together. Ooh!

I've never lived with a man before.

Me neither.

You're so funny.

Laughter is gonna be the main sound in our apartment.

And s*x.

Hopefully, not at the same time.

Okay, so the little one is the mailbox in the lobby.

Mm-hmm.

And the kitty...?

...is the front door, monkey is the deadbolt.

And... Oh, here is the clicker for the garage.

I've never had a clicker before!

I gotta go!

What about your lunch?

Uh, what's mine is yours.

I'll see you at home tonight.

At home tonight.

Oh, I'll get some wine and sparklers.

Then we can really celebrate.

Oh, it's on.

Ooh!

How am I supposed to reconstruct a face with a big hole in it?

Do everything but the hole?

Way ahead of you, smarty-pants.

Booth asked me to do some approximates.

These look great.

Stop humoring me.

How are you doing?

I'm having trouble, too.

I mean, all I found is buckshot, spun sugar, animal feces, fragments of stained glass and common limestone gravel, which tells me that our victim was at some kind of county fair-type place before he was killed.

Wow. That's quite a lot.

Yeah. Plus the purple in this glass, right?

It's manganese oxide.

It's rarely used to color glass today.

Now see these little imperfections?

These are manmade by localized heat treatments.

That's a method that was perfected in Venice.

The Venetian glass, I get.

Yeah. So I do a fast search, right?

And I found that there's an antique show, which advertised "hundreds of authentic Venetian glass from the turn of the century" which was here last week, because where else would a day laborer step on Venetian glass?

This is you "having trouble"?

(both chuckle)

Oh, my God, you just looked at me with pity.

No... Ange, come on.

We're a team, right?

"High tides lift all boats"?

Okay.

Yeah, that's gonna come back to bite me later.

(sighs)

Dr. Sweets?

Hey!

What are you doing in the bone room?

Uh, towels. Daisy was torn between thread counts, so she wanted me to take a look at these.

And she couldn't send you a link?

Yeah. That's what I suggested.

But apparently you can't feel the Internet.

And there's no medio-cam to check the thread count, so...

Of course. Yeah.

It's quite overwhelming moving in together, huh?

Oh, it's great. I mean, all I had was an old chair, a TV, video games... my towels were old and ratty.

So, I get it. Not a pretty picture.

No. But now I get the woman's touch, you know?

A full set of silverware, ottoman, something called a duvet.

I always thought that men hated all that stuff.

Are you kidding me? No, we love it.

When we miss living like pigs, we go camping.

I'll have to remember that.

Yeah.

I wish you and Ms. Wick much happiness with your new towels.

How could you not be happy with these? Feel this one.

Feel it.

Okay.

Oh!

Okay, this is nice.

Right? Nice.

Yeah. Hey.

Question: Is it hard for women moving in with a man?

Is that why you said I'd hate this?

Oh, no need to get all shrinky, Dr. Sweets.

Sorry. Never mind.

But, actually, um... when I moved in with Michelle's father, there were times that I didn't want to compromise, I think.

Sort of like I missed my old ratty towels.

Mm.

But I didn't have these.

These are awesome.

They are. Can't wait till Daisy shows me under the medio-cam.

I'll bet.

(chuckles)

Well, I should get back to work.

Enjoy.

I will. Thank you.

Well, not much here, Bones.

Hodgins says that two days before the victim died, this area was home to cotton candy, uh, shotgun pellets, camels and this gravel, so I'm confident this is the place.

Shotgun pellets?

Yeah. Gun show two days before the antique show.

You know, this would be an excellent venue for a political rally. I don't know, Bones.

It'd be kind of embarrassing if the turnout wasn't too strong.

Oh, it'd be strong.

Okay. Don't you worry about it being strong.

(crowd clamoring)

Okay. Okay.

Uh, you and you.

That's all I need today, guys.

Hey. Hey, come on, gu, I'm sorry.

Just come back in a couple of days before the car show, okay?

Come on!

Okay, you two.

Okay, start over there.

Work your way back here, okay?

Thanks, Juan. You got it.

Yeah, no worries.

Hi. Hi.

Well, something tells me you two aren't here looking to pick up some unskilled labor.

No, no, we are both extremely skilled.

I'm very skilled. FBI-skilled, pal.

You're looking to see if I'm hiring illegals?

Because I'm not.

These are all people who lost their jobs, you know-- legal citizens.

Tough times. Some days, I think I'm going to get mobbed for minimum wage work, man.

Under my administration, the private sector will receive incentives to increase hiring.

Bones, let's just... no campaigning while we're doing the investigation, okay?

Okay.

We think that one of your minimum wage workers might have been killed.

Wow, man.

Who?

I don't know. You missing anyone?

It's a pretty fluid bunch.

I'm their last resort, you know.

Do you recognize any of these men?

JUAN: Uh...

That one could be Jared.

Jared...? Jared... uh, Andrews.

No, no, um...

Jared Drew.

Jared Drew. Mm-hmm.

Okay, what can you tell us about Mr. Drew?

He's been coming around for a year or so.

Good worker.

Never complained, always looking for more.

Sometimes intense competition for limited resources results in violence. What?

What she means is minimum wage workers...

I mean, any of them likely to go after the competition?

Wait, wait-- Jared was murdered?

Yeah.

(sighs)

Wow. Uh...

I don't know. I mean, uh, maybe.

Yeah, thing is, I don't really get to know these guys.

Because they are below you on the social scale.

No. Wait a second there.

I feel bad sending them away.

I get to know them as people, that's why I feel bad.

I mean, look at them.

I only have work for two.

What about all the other guys?

The victim's name is Jared Drew. He was a day laborer.

He used to have his own business?

Yeah, owned a hardware store.

Wow.

He lost everything in the crash.

Suddenly he's competing for minimum wage, unskilled jobs.

Bones and I just got back from the fairgrounds.

You should have seen this.

There were 20 workers raising their hands for two jobs to pick trash-- garbage.

Does Dr. Brennan have a plan for the economy?

Okay, Sweets, let's not encourage her.

I don't know. You know, she's very smart.

Maybe she's exactly what this country needs.

Oh, yeah, 'cause she was wanted for murder, she took peyote with the Indians, and her dad was a hard-core criminal.

I don't think I should start printing up "Bones for President" campaign buttons any time soon.

(cell phone chimes)

(Sweets chuckles)

It's Daisy.

She's smiling and looking happy.

What's the big deal?

We're moving in together.

She's, uh... she's putting together a little celebration.

Sweets, the case.

Mm-hmm. Victim.

All right, has no criminal record, but check this out, huh?

Right there.

Restraining order filed two days before the murder by Marcy Drew?

His ex-wife.

How is your reconstruction coming, Ms. Wick?

I hope you'll be pleased, Madam President.

"Dr. Brennan" is fine.

For now.

I found arthritic markers on his knuckles and wrists that predate the gunshot wound.

It's in the nascent stages and...

...asymmetrical.

A day laborer should present symmetrical wear to his joints.

There are over 100 types of arthritis, Ms. Wick.

I'll examine the cell structure to see what we're dealing with.

How will you deal with the CIA?

That would be a problem for me.

I can't keep a secret.

You must realize that espionage is a crucial tool for diplomacy as well as national defense.

But you wouldn't tap my phone or anything.

A campaign must be designed to persuade the electorate that the candidate is on their side.

Which means it is sometimes necessary to lie.

So my answer is... no, I would not tap your phone.

Oh.

You did an excellent job of reconstructing the skull, Ms. Wick.

I know.

And it seems as if we have cause of death-- because of me.

Chiseling shows the bullet path was through the frontal sinus and exited through the right superlateral occipital.

The entry wound and surrounding damage measure 1.828 centimeters.

That would suggest a .45-caliber bullet.

But Dr. Saroyan said that the gunshot to the hand was probably from a nine-millimeter.

Two guns.

Which means we're likely looking for two killers.

This is terrible.

I never wanted anything like this to happen to Jared.

But you did file a restraining order against him.

He was coming around all the time.

He wouldn't leave Marcy alone.

You were listed in the restraining order, as well, Mr. Young. Yeah.

Okay. Jared was getting aggressive.

That had to stop. I don't think that Jared would have hurt us, Mike.

You want to take a chance like that?

Huh?

Preemptive action. You can never go wrong with a little preemptive action.

You seem angry.

Jared was coming around all the time begging me to take him back.

Marcy's with me now.

Okay? I'm taking care of her.

I'm taking care of the kids.

All right, Jared's life with her is over.

Certainly is now.

Was he ever violent with you or the children?

Jared?

Oh, God, no, no.

No, he was just...

He was a loser.

He upset the kids.

That hardware store was passed down from Jared's grandfather.

And-and trying to hang onto it, we lost our condo and every penny we had.

He couldn't find any work?

He tried to get on with one of the big home improvement stores, but...

He would have had to move away from the kids.

And since you and Mike here were already together...

Who told you that?

Uh, you did, just now.

Obviously, you feel guilty about leaving your husband.

Ex-husband.

He was a good man.

He was a good provider until he lost that store.

I had to think of my kids.

Right. You know, often, though, people feel the need to get rid of whatever it is that makes them feel guilty.

No, that's not it.

Do either of you own a gun?

I would like a lawyer.

Me, too.

Not another word without a lawyer.

HODGINS: Dr. Saroyan, have you seen the excrement that I left on my desk?

Think before you speak, Hodgins.

Some people might not understand what you're referring to.

Oh. That's a good point.

So, have you seen it?

Yes, I took your excrement.

I wanted to study it.

Ooh.

Now everything sounds terrible, doesn't it?

Awful.

I wasn't finished cataloguing what the animal ate.

You'll have plenty of time.

I wanted to get my hands on the ex.... evidence to see if it contained epithelial cells.

Apparently, she hit the mother lode.

The epithelial cells came from a variety of exotic animals.

So far, I've found monkey cells, cougar and digested wolf cells.

Yeah, and all the animals were at a pet expo.

Jared Drew had work there, mucking out the, uh, holding pens.

SAROYAN: Have your bugs given you time of death yet?

Yeah, six days ago.

Oh, that was during the pet expo.

This must have been his last job.

HODGINS: Oh, man.

SAROYAN: Turns out these expos aren't just for puppies and kittens anymore.

Exotic pets are a $10 billion a year industry.

You're exaggerating, right?

No, there are more pet tigers in Texas than there are in the wilds of India.

What kind of lunatic wants a wild animal as a pet?

I think "lunatic" pretty much describes who we're talking about.

MAN: I'm sorry.

I don't know him.

He worked at your pet expo. Doing what?

Cleaning up. Oh, I don't hire the day laborers; the fairground does that.

What kind of people come to these things?

Oh, awful people, really.

Families, retired people.

Antique shows, they draw stolen goods.

Gun shows draw illegal weapons.

Okay, yeah, I can see where this is going.

We don't do any traffic in illegal exotics.

My pet expo is not only in compliance with every local and federal law, but it is also approved by eight animal rights organizations.

It is a family event.

No, cougars and bears are not for families.

They are legal.

The vendors breed them right here in the U.S.

Nothing illegal about it.

These animals aren't domesticated.

It is cruel to treat them as pets.

Well, some would say that it's horrible to watch a lion taking down a zebra, tearing it apart and eating it.

These animals are spared that fate.

Look, I came here to help, not to be attacked for doing something perfectly legal.

All right, simmer down, Bwana Bob.

I comply with the law.

Now, is there anything else, or do you just intend to berate me because we see the world differently?

DAISY: I believe you will be very impressed when I tell you that this arthritis isn't really arthritis.

I'd be more impressed if you told me what it is instead of what it isn't.

Beginning stages of osteonecrosis.

See here?

On the ulna at the styloid process.

And here, more damage at the olecranon process.

What causes that? Blood poisoning?

Exactly.

And when sepsis makes its way into bone, it presents as septic arthritis.

What caused the blood poisoning?

Point of entry was here.

See the linear striations on the victim's right lunate and trapezium?

Ouch. Those cuts are pretty deep, almost like he was slashed.

Scratching the victim down to bone, and inserting the bacteria directly into the victim's bloodstream.

What kind of person doesn't go to the hospital after an injury like that?

A very poor person?

He could've gone to the emergency room.

Either he couldn't get to a hospital, or he was prevented.

Let's see if Hodgins can take some samples and figure out what slashed him.

MONTENEGRO: I'm just saying that you're more important in the lab than I am.

Is this some kind of test?

I give them faces, which, more and mo is just not the way to identify victims, and then, sometimes, I show how they died.

That is very important, Angie.

God help me, if you get into that "All boats rise in a flood" thing... "High tide raises all boats."

Yeah. What?

You said flood-- a flood is a natural disaster.

What?

Most boats would sink in a flood.

Tide's good, flood's bad.

Seriously? Ask New Orleans.

I'm telling you that I'm feeling inadequate, (ringtone plays) and you're talking about boats.

I mean, it's totally...

Hey, Sweets! Hey! Come here.

Hey.

Save Hodgins' life. Hey.

Uh... don't you want to finish your... your fight?

Whoa, Sweets thinks we were having a fight.

Yeah, well, he clearly doesn't know what a fight is.

I gotta go. I'm gonna go figure out how our victim's hand got slashed. I love you.


Hey. Sit down.

(sighs)

Are you okay?

Yeah. Why?

If I were a psychologist, I'd say that you overreacted to the slightest disagreement between me and Hodgins.

Because I'm at a turning point in my own relationship.

I was gonna say that maybe you're nervous about moving in with Daisy.

No, I've... yeah, well, I'm a little nervous.

You're getting cold feet.

No!

Why would I?

It's... It's not like we're getting married.

Moving in together is-is... you know, it's a minor commitment.

Minor.

Oh, boy. What?

Is it possible that maybe what you're seeing as a minor commitment, Daisy is seeing as...

The beginning of a whole new life together.

Yeah.

Yeah...

It's like you never studied psychology at all.

Yeah.

SAROYAN: You found something?

Yeah. Keratin.

SAROYAN: From a claw?

Feline.

He was slashed by a cat?

Yeah, but not the kind that you're thinking.

Don't be so sure.

SAROYAN: DNA results from the epithelial cells you found in the victim's boot tread.

Okay, if you say tiger, then we are on the same page.

SAROYAN: A Siberian tiger.

Wait-- a pure-bred Siberian tiger?

According to the DNA.

Does the type of tiger make a difference?

Yeah, see, buying and selling cross-bred tigers is legal... but a pure-bred Siberian tiger, I mean, that's... that's a felony.

Definitely motive for murder.

Well, it's only murder if we can find cause of death.

I found cause of death.

I should've seen this earlier.

I was a coroner in New York.

Wait-- seen what earlier?

Dr. Brennan said that the splintering showed that the bullet entered through the palm and exited through the back of the hand...

Yeah?

Shoot me.

I beg your pardon?

No-- with the marker. Shoot me.

Um... okay, bang--

It was a defensive wound.

The bullet went through the victim's hand and then into his face.

A hollow-point bullet.

It expanded entering the hand.

That's why we thought a nine-millimeter entered his hand and a .45-caliber entered his face.

One bullet, one gun, one shooter.

SWEETS: Our victim is attacked by a pure-bred Siberian tiger.

The wounds he sustained gave him blood poisoning, but he did not seek medical help-- why?

That's what I'm asking you.

Because if he tells the hospital that he was attacked by a Siberian tiger, he ends up in prison, right?

Okay, the body was found here, on the north side of the road.

The road dead-ends in this valley.

There's five farms there.

So, if the body was found on the north side of the road, he was heading out.

After delivering the tiger. Right.

Okay, so maybe the buyer of the tiger sees the victim's wound, realizes he's gonna have to go to the hospital...

No, no, no, no, that's too risky, okay?

Buying a tiger is a felony, Sweets.

Right, right, so, maybe... the buyer offers to drive the victim to the hospital, kills him along this deserted stretch of road.

You should search those five farms for a tiger.

I don't have enough for a warrant, okay?

That's why you're here.

I don't understand.

I need you to put together some kind of psychological mumbo-jumbo warrant for these five farmers.

Booth, I'm a professional, okay?

I can't just make things up, so you can get a warrant.

You're not helping me. You... you're not.

Wouldn't it make more sense if I talked to the guy that runs the pet expo?

I mean, maybe one of these farmers is known to be an animal collector.

That's a good idea. Thank you.

You know what? He's in the interrogation room, okay?

You have at him. Gotta go.

You just... you just totally conned me into doing that.

Booth! Yeah.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Well, that depends on how personal here.

Okay, um... was it a big deal for you to move in with Dr. Brennan?

What do you mean?

You know, big deal, like... getting married.

Whoa-- living together is not getting married, okay?

Getting married's a big-boy commitment.

Okay, yes, yes.

I totally agree with that.

For me. But, for Bones, that was a... that was a huge step, you know?

Living together.

The only reason she even considered it was because she was pregnant.

Okay, so...

Dr. Brennan's the most rational human being on the planet... and, to her, moving in together...

Big deal.

Big. Huge.

Huge. (laughs): Huge.

Breathe it out, kid. You'll get him.

Okay.

None of these names mean anything to me.

Who-who are they?

We have reason to believe that one of them bought a Siberian tiger on the black market.

Oh, here we go again.

Mr. Neibling, the victim worked at the fairgrounds during the time of your pet exposition, all right?

He was injured by a Siberian tiger.

Maybe one of these, one of these farmers made suspicious inquiries.

10,000 people came through that expo.

We had over 200 exhibitors.

An innocent man is dead; we're just exploring every avenue.

If he was transporting a pure-bred Siberian tiger, then he was not innocent.

Okay, but he didn't deserve to die.

I'm not sure I agree with that.

These smugglers, they don't care about the animals, and they interfere with my legitimate business.

Now, what happens if the press finds out that you're questioning me?

My reputation goes right into the toilet.

We won't leak your name to the press.

All right, well, let me take the names.

I'll ask around.

If I hear anything suspicious, I'll get back to you.

Good. Thank you, sir.

I appreciate your help.

DAISY: I love farms.

Someday, Lance and I will have a farm of our own.

SAROYAN: The pet expo guys didn't recognize any of the farmers' names.

Yeah, but what are the chances that a guy is gonna buy a Siberian tiger with his real name, anyway?

Oh! Oh! I could call in an anonymous tip like: I hear roaring at night.

I was thinking more along the lines of looking at satellite photos on the Internet, and seeing if any of the farms shout "tiger!"

That is brilliant.

Okay, here they are.

Kinda grainy. Yeah, well, this is just what the government allows us to see on the Internet.

You know they keep all the good stuff for themselves.

Could those be endangered animals?

Are blobs endangered?

Let me try a fractal enlargement program.

SAROYAN: I'm guessing cows.

Pigs! Which are not endangered.

Unless you factor in bacon.

Are those cages?

Yeah... they could be.

"Could be" will not get us a warrant.

Yeah, and these images haven't been updated in over a year.

What we need is our own satellite.

Oh! We've got one!

BOOTH: All of Neibling's permits are up to date-- there's no citations, no violations, he even got an "A" rating from the Better Business Bureau.

Legality notwithstanding, why would someone willingly keep these animals as pets?

People who live where these creatures are indigenous, take great lengths to keep these animals away from their homes.

Look, I'm with you, man.

You want to see a wild animal, go to the zoo.

Oh... I do not like zoos.

What do you mean? It's a zoo.

Keeping animals captive for human entertainment is just wrong.

Come on! Don't ruin the zoo for me.

I used to go with Pops.

I have great memories there.

I can't wait to take Christine.

No, that will not be happening.

It's educational, okay?

What, if she doesn't go to the zoo, how's she gonna learn about the animals?

The satellite system you insisted that we buy provides us with 16 animal-themed channels.

One, just for penguins.

It's not the same, okay?

The TV won't give you a balloon.

The balloons end up in the ocean, and very often choke seals.

Okay, all right, you know what?

Find something bad to say about the kitty train they have.

Burns fossil fuels just to go round and round in circles.

Cotton candy.

Encourages Type 2 diabetes.

I could do this all day, Booth.

Fine, fine. Just know that someday, we are getting a dog for Christine.

Hm. Possibly.

Studies have shown that children who grow up with dogs have stronger immune systems.

And you can play ball with them.

If you say so.

I do say so. And you know what?

We're gonna name him Gretzky.

Well, we'll see about that.

Yeah, it's Gretzky.

Here, Gretzky! Gretzky boy!

Come on, boy!

Gretzky!

I am using a World War II Spitfire, so...

I don't have a lot of range.

And I thought you didn't have a lot of range 'cause you're using a toy.

A hobbyist does not play with toys, he works with replicas.

All right, so, you getting the signal?

MONTENEGRO: Yeah, yeah, and I like the replica, sweetie.

It's awesome.

Fine. I'm the bad guy.

All right, here we go.

MONTENEGRO: Ooh, we're getting a good signal.

DAISY: A goat... more pigs... lots of cows...

Try to limit the play-by-play to the exotic animals, Ms. Wick.

Well, I grew up in the city, so they're all exotic to me.

SAROYAN: Can you get any higher?

It's a Spitfire.

SAROYAN: Cages!

Can you get up under those trees?

Uh-huh...

MONTENEGRO: What are those?

DAISY: A camel! Zebra!

MONTENEGRO: Is that a wolf?

DAISY: A kangaroo!

You know, Booth can tell a judge that we got this video from a hobbyist.

This is definitely enough to get us a warrant.

Oh, no, no, no...!

Ooh!

Aw...!

Aw.

(knocking on door)

Thomas Casey, FBI!

Casey, open up!

We have a warrant!

Booth, the cages are over here but... I don't see a tiger.

Bones, wait up. Bones!

(growling)

(chattering)

BRENNAN: There's a wolf, a kangaroo, a zebra...

BOOTH: All legal, Bones.

The state doesn't even require them to be registered.

BOOTH: Really? You have to register for a dog but not a wolf?

It's horrible, Booth.

None of these animals should be kept like this.

If only you were president, Bones.

Hey! If only.

Hey, hey!

What are you doing? You can't be here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there, okay?

FBI.

We have a warrant.

For what? I haven't done anything wrong.

What about these animals?

They're not meant to be kept as pets.

Hey, all these animals are legal.

Well, we're here about your Siberian tiger.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You see a tiger?

Because I don't.

What I see is an empty cage over there. You waiting for something?

I hope I can find a chimp.

(birds screeching) Chimp?

BRENNAN: Oh, my God.

What?

Carrion birds.

What? That's bad.

Go.

Go!

Go! Go!

You shot it!

You killed it!

I had to; it was out of control, trying to get out and go for the other animals.

Whoa, easy. You shot your own tiger?

How could... How could he do that?

How could you do that?!

Easy, easy!

Relax. (sobbing)

All right, easy, easy, easy, easy.

Okay, it's all right.

It's gonna be okay, Bones. Don't worry about it.

What I want to know is how many things we can charge him with.

Well, we got him killing an endangered species.

Does that carry the death penalty?

$50,000 fine, a year in jail.

When I am president, killing tigers will be a death penalty offense.

Well, the president isn't actually a dictator, Bones.

That's right.

I'll have to convince two other branches of the government to execute animal traffickers.

You know what, you're very persuasive when you set your mind to something.

That animal was beautiful.

It was beautiful and rare, just like you.

You should leverage the tiger buyer into ratting out whoever he bought the tiger from.

Sorry, did you hear what I said? It was very sweet.

Maybe we can bring down the entire criminal organization.

Right, let's do that.

Let's bring them all down.

I shot that tiger in self-defense.

It was a man-killer.

You're lying.

We are charging you with murder.

For the tiger?!

No, for Jared Drew.

Who is Jared Drew?

He's the poor b*st*rd who delivered the tiger to your farm.

He's dead?

Yes, he's dead.

That guy was really sick.

He could barely stand up.

He probably died of whatever disease he had.

We think that you offered to drive him to the hospital.

Killed him on the way.

And then buried him at the side of the road.

I didn't drive him anywhere.

He was too sick to drive himself.

You said it yourself.

He didn't have to drive himself.

There was the other guy.

Other guy?

What other guy?

Two of them brought me the tiger.

What did the other one look like?

I don't know. He waited in the truck.

I never got a good look.

Yeah, well, we're still charging you with murder.

But I didn't kill anyone.

Yeah, but purchasing that tiger and transporting it over a state line, that's a felony.

Someone dies in the commission of that felony, everyone involved is guilty of homicide, pal.

Right there, that's why, when I'm president, you get appointed to head up the FBI.

There we go. Thank you.

Who was the man in the truck?

I don't know.

I'll tell you everything I do know.

You write down that I cooperated.

Sure, go ahead.

I'm looking online for cool animals for my collection, five clicks later, there's somebody wants to sell a Siberian tiger.

You bought it online?

"Siberian tiger available.

Serious inquiries only."

No names.

Just a e-mail telling me to meet a guy named Juan at the fairground, give him half the money in an envelope.

(sighs)

I only took an envelope from the guy.

I didn't even know what was inside.

Come on, Juan.

You know what an envelope full of cash feels like.

You took the money and then delivered a tiger.

A tiger?

The money was for a tiger?

The envelope full of cash, who did you give it to?

Mr. Neibling.

Eric Neibling?

I don't know his first name, man.

It's Mr. Neibling, the boss.

I give him the envelope, he gives me 50 bucks.

He asks me to send him a good worker, he gives me another $50.

You sent him Jared Drew.

Poor guy, man.

All he wanted was to make enough money and hold his head high with his wife and kids.

BOOTH: You know what, this makes complete sense to me now.

You saw the buyer's name on the list that we gave you.

So what do you do? You call him up, you say, "Quick, get rid of the tiger."

Show me the phone records you've got to prove that.

(sniffling, coughing) I thought so.

Something wrong with you? You need a glass of water?

I got a stomach bug or something.

He's sick.

What you have is nascent osteonecrotic septicemia.

Blood poisoning.

You got it when you shot Jared Drew in the face.

Right, from the blowback.

I got the sniffles from shooting someone?

Come on, do you know how much face time I have with the public?

He has to have a fragment of the victim's bone somewhere in him. How big?

A sliver, probably in his face. You know what?

I think I'm gonna leave.

Whoa, you're not going anywhere.

His face looks fine to me.

Sit down. Sit.

Where else does blowback hit?

Put your hands on the table.

I want a lawyer.

You're gonna need one.

Put your hands on the table.

Right-handed.

Right hand holds the gun.

If I went to the hospital and they found out about the tiger, I would've been ruined.

Look at that, huh?

You traded in 50 grand and a year in jail for the death penalty.

Lance!

Hey. Welcome home.

Why didn't you go in? I thought we'd go in together.

HODGINS: Hi!

MONTENEGRO: Hey.

HODGINS: Is this your place?

Yeah. Oh, wow, it looks great. Yeah.

We'd invite you in but...

Oh, that's okay.

We'll have a housewarming party when we're settled.

You should carry her over the threshold.

Girls love that stuff.

MONTENEGRO: Oh, don't bother.

I had a lump on my head for weeks and he threw out his back.

Threshold-carrying is kind of a marriage thing, and we're not actually... We will do it.

Lance is so strong.

Okay, well, we'll leave you to it.

Yeah, yeah. All right.

See you guys.

Um...

I'm not doing it.

I'll wrap my arms around your neck and hang on.

It will be easy.

No, I'm...

I'm not going into the apartment.

Oh, why?

Because I-I underestimated the meaning.

Which is ironic 'cause, you know, I'm trained to discern nuance.

Stop talking like that.

When were you thinking we'd get married?

I don't know.

A year maybe.

Sooner if I get pregnant.

You want to get married before we live together.

That's fine.

My answer is yes.

No, no, no, no. I'm...

I'm not thinking about getting married at all.

But we're moving in together.

Um, I misconstrued the significance.

I got it all wrong.

I'm so sorry.

Um...

First month's rent and last month's rent is paid.

So you have two months to figure out what you want to do.

We're not moving in together?

We're breaking up.

I'm...

I'm really sorry.

I really am.

Caroline offered to drop the charges to second degree murder if Neibling gave us the names of suppliers.

Good.

I hope Caroline puts all of them in little cages.

Right. (clears throat)

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was a bartender?

Grover Cleveland was a hangman.

Andrew Johnson was a tailor.

Well, I'm sure you would be the smartest president.

I'm not sure.

James Garfield could simultaneously write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other.

That's just a trick.

So now you think I'd be a good president?

Um, no, I don't.

You know you're an atheist, you're not diplomatic, and you think America is an empire.

America is an empire.

And I really, really wouldn't give you your own army or nuclear weapons.

That would just be a disaster.

Because I'm like a tiger?

Excuse me?

Earlier today, you said I reminded you of a wild tiger.

I did. You do.

You called me rare and beautiful.

Like a tiger, you said.

I thought you didn't hear.

Wild tigers do not have the qualities of a good president.

You know what, Bones, I wouldn't vote for you, but I would definitely encourage other people to vote for you.

(laughs) That's irrational.

Yeah, well, so is politics and love.

(buttons rattling)

I think you're trying to convey that you no longer would like to discuss politics.

Unless we're talking about JFK and Marilyn Monroe.

(roars)

(laughs) Booth, what are you doing? Where are you going?

What's that mean?