[The movie starts with the 2013 Paramount Pictures logo. Once it appears, the scene cuts to black and then fades to the ocean water]
[The camera swiftly goes over it, including the Nickelodeon Movies logo popping out of the water, then going back in. The camera stops, then looks both ways until we see the Bikini Atoll island as the camera then goes close and inside the island, through its jungle, until we see Burger Beard the Pirate, pulling his boat, then looks at his map]
Burger Beard: A-ha! [chuckles evilly, then goes and cuts his way into the island, humming, then grunting, as the opening titles read "Paramount Animation and Nickelodeon Movies present" and "A United Plankton Pictures Production" fading in and out. He then sees a sign saying "Booby Traps".] Eh? Booby traps?! [destroys the sign with his sword and steps on it while heading towards the temple where the book lies. Burger Beard sighs passionately and then the movie's title screen cues] Oh, there you are, my lovely! [Burger Beard then goes through series of booby traps that mostly include spikes coming out of stones laying on the ground, escaping them all by dancing and finally arriving to the skeleton holding the book.] Hmm, what's that? Take the book? I don't mind if I do! [pulls the book out of the skeleton's hands and lefts him. Skeleton then loses his head and starts falling on the ground upside-down while Burger Beard starts admiring the book. He laughs.] At last, it is mine! [talks to the book] Finally, you are mine! [skeleton then gets reassembled, rises, fixes up his head and faces him] Alright, let's do this! [skeleton prepares to fight him] Bare knuckles. Bring it on, skinny! You don't scare me! [skeleton then starts punching Burger Beard who either avoids his attacks or blocks them with the book while laughing. Soon the skeleton punches him and he goes flying straight up in the air while screaming. Scene then cuts to seagulls playing cards on the deck of Burger Beard's ship while in the background, Burger Beard is seen launched from the Bikini Atoll and heading his ship while still screaming]
Seagull #1: You got any sevens?
Seagull #2: Go fish.
Burger Beard:[crashes on the ship, scaring the seagulls away, stands up and leans his head towards the Bikini Atoll] Is that all ya got!? Huh? [laughs, kisses the book, puts the book under his left arm, grabs a rope hanging behind him with his right arm, and swings to the cockpit. Scene then cuts to the anchor getting pulled, then cuts to sails getting lowered and the then cuts to cockpit where Burger Beard is seen leaning back due to the ship suddenly started moving while still holding the ship's wheel. Scene then cuts to show ship's stem breaking the waves and then cuts to Burger Beard standing on the ship's mainmast, just about to jump back to cockpit to press the "auto pirate" button. Once the ship gets set to "auto pirate," he laughs, sits on the cockpit to relax, sighs passionately and then takes the book he stole from the skeleton. Opens the covers to see a library's note with return date long past.] Man, this is way overdue. [opens the first page of the book and starts reading it aloud while camera zooms to a non-colored illustration of Bikini Bottom on the first page of the book] Once upon a time, under the sea, there was a little town called- [illustration soon gets colored and cartoon sequence starts] -Bikini Bottom. In this town, there was a place called- [cuts to the exterior of the Krusty Krab] -the Krusty Krab where folks would come to eat a thing called- [a real-life Krabby Patty covers the screen] -the Krabby Patty. [the scene then cuts to the SpongeBob's grill inside of the Krusty Krab where Krabby Patties are being grilled while steam is lifting in the air] Every greasy spoon has- [cuts french fries getting fired in an oil] -a fry cook and- [cuts to the desk with all Krabby Patty ingredients on it] -the one who worked here- [cuts to spatula that was being lowered from top of the screen to bottom] -was named- [SpongeBob poofs next to the grill while catching the spatula] -SpongeBob SquarePants-. [SpongeBob blinks his shiny eyes]
[scene cuts to seagulls performing the SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song on Burger Beard's ship while he is trying to calm them down. He then gets mad.]
Burger Beard: Stop! [as they hear this, the seagulls stop before they finish performing the song and are then shown disappointed and Burger Beard then starts speaking while having his finger marking the page where he stopped reading] There's only one thing worse than talking birds, and that would be... SINGING BIRDS!
Seagull: Okay, I promise not to... ♪ sing! ♪ [Kyle clears his throat and points to a skeleton parrot band in a birdcage]
Skeleton Parrot #1: Take it from us.
Skeleton Parrot #2: He really does hate singing birds.
Kyle:[as another seagull poops] Just keep weading. Pwease, Mr. Piwate, sir.
Burger Beard: Come closer. Let me tell you the tale.
David: Okay, start reading.
Burger Beard: Not that close! [scares the seagull off as a couple more seagulls come in to listen, then turns the page] All right. Here we go. [scene changes to the Krusty Krab with falling Krabby Patties] Now, SpongeBob loved his job as a fry cook more than anything. [SpongeBob laughs as he goes into the Krusty Krab before the scene changes to SpongeBob happily polishing his snow globes before kissing one] And that is saying a lot. Because he loved everything! [scene cuts to SpongeBob hugging Gary in a blue background] He loved his pet snail, Gary. [Gary meows] He loved his best friend, Patrick. [Gary poofs into Patrick before he giggles][scene cuts to SpongeBob making his friends into bubbles] He loved blowing bubbles... [scene changes to SpongeBob catching a jellyfish while falling off a cliff] ...and jellyfishing.
SpongeBob: Whee! [scene cuts to SpongeBob happily making Krabby Patties]
Burger Beard: He loved making Krabby Patties for the folks in Bikini Bottom.. [many Krabby Patties land on the customers' plates]...just as much as they loved eating them. [scene cuts to the customers' enjoying their Krabby Patties together, including Bubble-Bass, which his seat breaks] "Why," you may ask, "do they love this greasy meal sandwich so much? Why did they eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... [scene cuts to show a customer eating a Krabby Patty while on a hospital bed and wearing a breathing mask] "...despite the doctor's warnings?"
Dr. Gill Gilliam:[to Shubie] He'll be gone in a week.
Shubie: Oh, Harold! [sobs as she sadly bites into a Krabby Patty as the doctor does the same too, happily]
Burger Beard: Ah, it was a secret. [scene cuts to a real-life Krabby Patty with many question marks in the background] No one was sure what was in those patties that made them so delicious. And frankly, no one cared, except for Plankton. [scene cuts to an embarrassed Plankton]
Plankton: Yeah. [scene cuts to a crowded Krusty Krab before zooming to an empty Chum Bucket]
Burger Beard: Plankton owned a restaurant right across the street from the Krusty Krab, where no one ate... [scene cuts to a disgusting chum patty before Plankton appears from behind] ...because the food was really bad!
Plankton: Now, is that really necessary? [the patty beside him deflates a little]
Burger Beard:[as the scene cuts to Plankton, wearing spy gear, tries to steal the formula] Plankton had made it his life's work to steal the recipe. [after Plankton chuckles evilly, SpongeBob vacuums him up]
Plankton: SpongeBob, please! Let's talk about this. [SpongeBob blows the vacuum thereafter]'
Burger Beard: But SpongeBob was always there to protect it. But today... [after the camera zooms into the formula, SpongeBob closes the safe and the scene cuts to a small, green airplane heading for the Krusty Krab] ...things would be different.
[scene cuts to SpongeBob throwing out the trash when Patrick comes up to him]
Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Morning, Patrick! Are you here for your pre-lunch Krabby Patty?
Patrick: I'm getting two today. One for me, and one for my friend.
SpongeBob: Oh, have I met this friend?
Patrick:[uses his belly as a talking friend and impersonates his voice] You know me, SpongeBob. [he and SpongeBob laugh, as well as his tummy]
SpongeBob: Enjoy, Patrick's tummy. [as he waves goodbye, he hears the engine from the airplane, which then drops a big jar of tartar sauce close to the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs:[is seen counting his money outside of the entrance door] 13, 14, 15... [SpongeBob walks out of the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, I thought we got our tartar sauce delivery on Thursday.
Mr. Krabs: Tartar... [the tartar sauce splashes everywhere on the Krusty Krab, including SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs] ...sauce?
Plankton: Bullseye! [laughs evilly]
Mr. Krabs:[angry] So it's a food fight he wants, eh?
Plankton:[as he approaches the Krusty Krab] Welcome to Air Plankton! Please put your seat backs and tray tables up as we're now approaching our final destination.
[scene cuts to show SpongeBob and Patrick on the Krusty Krab roof wearing army clothes and having a fire weapon]
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. Load the potatoes!
Patrick:[gets plates of two different potatoes] Mashed or scalloped, sir?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick: raw.
Patrick: Sir, yes, sir! [throws the plates away and dumps raw potatoes from a bag into the weapon] Locked and loading!
[scene cuts to show Mr. Krabs looking at the formula in the safe]
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, little formula. You'll be safe in this...safe. [closes the safe door and yells through a microphone] Fire!
[scene cuts to SpongeBob's weapon firing the potatoes towards Plankton's plane]
Plankton: Potatoes?! [dodges the potatoes side-to-side]
SpongeBob: He's closing in!
Patrick:[while looking at the binoculars upside down] I think we have a few minutes before he gets here. [SpongeBob turns the binoculars the other way] Huh? [screams] He's right on top of us!
[scene cuts to the potatoes getting chopped into fries before flying down towards Sandals]
Sandals: Hey, it's raining fries!
Plankton: It's gonna take a lot more than potatoes to bring this baby down! [more potatoes cover Plankton's plane before destroying it] Or maybe not.
[scene cuts to show customers inside the Krusty Krab looking at the explosion from the plane before cheering, then it changes to SpongeBob and Patrick cheering as well]
SpongeBob: Wait a minute, Patrick. Look! He's got a tank!
[as the tank lands from a parachute, Plankton puts a pickle inside a shooter before heading to the controls]
Plankton: Well, Krabs, you're certainly in a pickle now!
[the tank perfectly aims toward SpongeBob and Patrick before they gasp and, in slow-motion, jumping out of the way just in time]
Sandals: Hey, it's raining pickles! [chuckles] Now, it's raining... [the tank lands on Sandals] ...tanks!
Plankton: You're welcome. [the tank drives away]
[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick getting up and noticing pickles coming toward them before SpongeBob dials a telephone]
SpongeBob: Your order, sir.
[scene cuts to Sandy looking at a menu at the drive-thru]
Sandy: I'll have two Krabby Patties: extra ketchup, extra mustard, and hold the mayo.
SpongeBob: Wrong channel! [dials the telephone again]Your order, sir!
Mr. Krabs: Extra ketchup, extra mustard, HOLD THE MAYO!!
SpongeBob: Yes, sir! [holds a big ketchup bottle followed by small ketchup and mustard bottles] Extra ketchup, extra mustard.
Patrick:[holds a giant mayonnaise jar while grunting] Hold the mayo!
Mr. Krabs: Unleash the condiments.
SpongeBob: With relish. [screams while squirting the condiments repeatedly toward the tank before they run out, making farting noises] Excuse me! [he and Patrick laugh before SpongeBob gets another set of condiments and does the same as before]
Sandy:[through a window] Hello? Hello?! [from Mr. Krabs' megaphone] Guess ya'll don't want my money.
Mr. Krabs: Money? [quickly snatches Sandy's money and gives her the food] Thank you. Come again. [quickly closes the window]
[scene cuts to show more destruction from SpongeBob and Plankton before Patrick starts getting tired]
Patrick:[gasps for breath]I can't hold the mayo any longer! [throws the jar right towards the tank]
Plankton: Mayo?! Well, it's gonna take a lot more than mayo to stop- [the tank crashes into the mayo before it explodes and splashes everything, including SpongeBob and Patrick, then it rumbles]
SpongeBob: Now what? [the tank reassembles itself into a giant robot before Plankton laughs evilly]
Patrick: Uhh... I just remembered! I don't work for Mr. Krabs. [gives his helmet to SpongeBob, then runs off, leaving SpongeBob alone, then SpongeBob drops Patrick's helmet and runs towards the Krusty Krab, as Mr. Krabs notices]
SpongeBob: Robot! Robot! ROBOT! GIANT ROBOT! Robot! Robot! [runs into Mr. Krabs' office] Mr. Krabs! Plankton's here, and he's got a giant robot!
Mr. Krabs: Quick, boy! Bar the door!
SpongeBob:[as he puts a chair, blocking the exit door] Got it! [suddenly, the robot crashes through stomping on SpongeBob before SpongeBob gasps and looks at Plankton laughing evilly]
Plankton: I'll take one secret formula... [Mr. Krabs gasps] ...to go. [as the robot's hand comes directly toward the safe, Mr. Krabs screams before the robot stops and Plankton notices it out of fuel] Oh, barnacles! I'm out of gas? [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs both laugh] Well, I'm not through yet. I've got something that will make you hand over that formula: something you can't resist. [takes out his wallet before Mr. Krabs gasps]
Mr. Krabs: Money?!
Plankton: Yes. [notices the wallet empty] That's...that's...that's impossible! [gets caught inside the wallet before coming out of it] Well, it was full of money just last week. Then I bought that airplane, and built that tank-
Mr. Krabs: Sounds to me like someone's just a wee bit...broke!
Plankton:[sighs] Well, Krabs, I guess you've won. I've spent every penny I've ever made trying to put you out of business... [takes out a penny from his pocket] ...except this one: my last penny. [starts to cry] Besides, what could I do with one measly cent, anyway?
Mr. Krabs: You could give it to me. [with his eyes closed] Just a suggestion.
Plankton:[closes his eyes and leans while holding the penny and talking] Here. [throws the last penny to Mr. Krabs] Take it! [Mr. Krabs happily catches the penny and puts it in his safe] You've taken everything else. Why not?! [cries]
[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob walking towards the exit of wrecked Krusty Krab while Mr. Krabs is holding Plankton in his claws and talking]
Mr. Krabs: Well, Plankton, like a reheated Krabby Patty, you've been foiled again! [drops Plankton and he falls on the floor and sighs]
SpongeBob: I guess this means that the secret formula is safe forever. Right, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs:[taps SpongeBob on his head] It sure does, boy. [Plankton stands up and Mr. Krabs pushs him toward the exit] Why don't you scurry along? [everyone in the Krusty Krab, expect SpongeBob laughs out loud as Plankton is leaving the Krusty Krab while crying] Thanks for coming! Have a nice day! [bubble transition to Mr. Krabs' telescope view of Plankton crying while having his head leans on the pole of The Krusty Krab sign on it] He's been out there crying for twenty minutes. [cuts to him looking through binoculars and SpongeBob standing next to him in a completely renewed Krusty Krab] Pathetic. [gives the telescope to SpongeBob and pulls up his pants] I'm just gonna go out there and gloat a little. [leaves Krusty Krab and scene then cuts to Mr. Krabs office being empty as the camera then starts zooming towards the safe until it cuts to inside of the safe where the real Plankton is exiting from the last penny with a headset on his head while laughing]
Plankton:[stops laughing as his back starts hurting and then adjusts them] Cyclops to Laptop. Come in, Laptop. [cuts to Karen with headsets playing solitaire]
Karen:[ironical voice] Laptop. [takes card] You do realize that nickname is demeaning. I have twice the processing power of [with an ironical voice] a laptop. [cuts back to real Plankton inside a Mr. Krabs safe, walking towards the bottle with the secret formula]
Plankton:[with a quiet voice] Never mind. Maintain radio silence. [throws his headset away as he arrives to the bottle with the secret formula] He-he, finally! [notices a light] A pressure plate, eh, Krabs? Amateur hour. [opens the safe] Hmm... [sees a bottle with a pirate ship in it] Perfect. [pushes the ship out of the bottle, then writes on a piece of paper, puts it in the bottle and puts in a cork] Not a bad likeness. [while replacing the bottles] Good enough to fool that idiot Krabs. Easy, easy. [light corrects the other bottle with the fake formula]
[scene cuts to show SpongeBob's telescope view of Mr. Krabs dancing outside happily next to fake Plankton, who is still crying]
Mr. Krabs:[mockingly] Plankton's broke! Ooh-ooh! Plankton's broke! Ha-ha!
SpongeBob: Look at Mr. Krabs go! I've never seen him gloat this hard before.
Mr. Krabs:[chuckles] Well, Plankton, me bunions are telling me it's time to stop gloatin'. [picks the fake Plankton up, which stops crying] Eh? Looks like you're falling apart at the seams. [chuckles, then pulls a string to reveal the inside of the fake Plankton] Huh?
Plankton Robot: Poor me. [sparkles a little] Sob, sob.
Mr. Krabs: A robot?!
SpongeBob:[walks inside, then gasps when he sees...] Plankton?
Plankton:[when he gets caught] Uh-oh. [accidentally makes the fake bottle drop] That ain't good.
Computer Voice:[as a red light turns on and off] Initiating Lockdown Sequence.
Mr. Krabs: Me formuler! [sees the Krusty Krab going on lockdown]
Squidward: Huh? [gets trapped in steel] Ow! [everything in the Krusty Krab gets trapped in steel]
Mr. Krabs:[heads toward The Krusty Krab that is locking down]No, no, no! No, no, no! [the doors shut]NOOOOO![starts to bang on the door] Squidward! Open up!! Squidward!
Plankton Robot:[picks itself up] Ha, ha! Victory dance! Booya!
SpongeBob: Give me that! [grabs the formula and pulls it towards himself]
Plankton: Come on, SpongeBob! [pulls the formula away from SpongeBob]JOIN ME!! AND WE'LL BE RICH AND POWERFUL! ... [the two start to tug for the formula] ...until I eventually betray you! [he realizes that he wasn't supposed to say it] Uuh... JOIN ME!!
SpongeBob: No! Never! I'm on team Krabs for life!!
Mr. Krabs:[opens the doors and shouts]PLAAAANNNKTOOOOOOON!!
[the two continue to tug for the formula, but the formula then magically vanishes]
SpongeBob: What? Where'd it go?
Plankton:[thinking] Wait a minute... Molecular deconstruction? I proved that to be a scientific impossibility 7 times!
SpongeBob:[thinking] Wait a minute... I think I forgot to empty Gary's litter box today.
Mr. Krabs:[opens the door and lets out a big gasp as SpongeBob and Plankton stare a him for a couple of seconds] Where's me formuler, Plankton?!
Plankton: I-I don't know! It just disappeared!
Mr. Krabs: Why should I believe you, ya lyin' liar?!
SpongeBob: Normally, I'd agree with you, Mr. Krabs, but this time, he's telling the truth! It just vanished!
Plankton: It's true!! [Mr. Krabs picks him up as the scene cuts to him taped to Mr. Krabs' table]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I'm telling you! He's innocent!
Plankton: W-What are you gonna do, Krabs? Pour hot oil on me? Or put bamboo shoots under my nails?
Mr. Krabs: No. Knock-Knock.
Plankton: Knock-Knock jokes? I can do this all day, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Knock-Knock.
Plankton: Oh, boy. Who's there?
Mr. Krabs: Jimmy.
Plankton: Jimmy who?
Mr. Krabs: Jimmy BACK MY FORMULER, PLANKTON!!
Plankton: Well, that's stupid, but how is it torture?
Mr. Krabs:[holding headphones] Hehehehe... You'll see. [puts headphones on]
SpongeBob: Jimmy... Back my formula? Hmm. Ohhhhhhhhh!! I get it! [starts to laugh hysterically]
Plankton:[screams in pain, cut to Mr. Krabs smiling smugly with headphones on, then back to Plankton, the two side pieces of tape holding down Plankton's sides come off] Oh, make it stop, Krabs! MAKE IT STOP!![scene cuts back to Mr. Krabs, then it cuts to everyone, including SpongeBob still laughing, Plankton still screaming, and Mr. Krabs still wearing the headphones, then Plankton imagines millions of SpongeBobs laughing until...]
Squidward:[opens the door with angry customers behind him, interrupting the moment] Mr. Krabs! [hears SpongeBob's laughter] SpongeBob, zip it! [SpongeBob finally stops laughing]
Plankton: Oh, thank you, Squidward!
Squidward: The customers are getting restless. They're asking for... [a crafty smile forms across his face] refunds.
[the word "refunds" goes out of his mouth was goes toward Mr. Krabs' headphones]
Mr. Krabs:[his headphones comes off and he shouts] Refunds?! [the customers are chanting "Refunds"] Listen up boy! [pushes SpongeBob into the kitchen] Get in there and make me customers some Krabby Patties! All right, Plankton... [sees that Plankton has escaped, then SpongeBob opens up the patty vault and screams like a girl] SpongeBob! What's wrong, boy? [moves SpongeBob over to check the vault and has the same reaction of screaming like a girl too, then the vault reveals that all the patties are gone]WE'RE OUT OF KRABBY PATTIES?!?
SpongeBob: How can we make more Krabby Patties without the secret formula?!
Mr. Krabs: You've got to have that formuler memorized by now!
SpongeBob:[puts his hat back on] But as you are aware sir, [pulls out the employee handbook] the employee handbook clearly states and I quote, [puts on reading glasses] "No employee may, in part or in whole, commit the Krabby Patty Secret Formula to any recorded, written, or visual form, including memories, dreams, and/or needle point". [gets out a magnifying glass]
Mr. Krabs:[cries for a second, shakes his fist and shouts] Curse you, fine print!!
[scene cuts to show a few angry customers picking up the order boat and chanting "refunds"]
Mr. Krabs:STOP!![everyone stops and the customers drop the order boat] I'm not your enemy! [while holding a "WANTED" sign with a picture of Plankton on it] Plankton is your enemy!
Squidward: So is he an anemone or Plankton?
Mrs. Puff:[plays a rim shot] Well, someone had to do it.
SpongeBob: But...but, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs:[while flipping the paper to show a Krabby Patty on it] He took this from you. [the customers gasp]
Fred: A Krabby Patty.
Sandals: I can almost taste it.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, Plankton didn't take the secret formula.
Mr. Krabs:[while throwing the paper away] Not now, SpongeBob!
Patrick:[sits at a table, catching the paper which had a picture of a normal Krabby Patty] Hey! I ordered a double Krabby Patty.
Mr. Krabs: So, join me. Help get the formuler back, and I'll give each and every one of ya a free Krabby Patty! [the customers cheer] Oh, no, wait! Even better: a slight discount. [the customers groan, then they, along with Mr. Krabs, angrily run out of the Krusty Krab, chanting] To the Chum Bucket!
SpongeBob:[while looking out the front doors, sadly] But he didn't do it.
Plankton:[to Karen] I had it right in my greedy little mits, and then: poof! And now it's gone. Gone forever! Oh, I was so close to gaining the people's respect/fear.
Karen: Um, Plankton?
Plankton: Oh, when will my frustration/humiliation end?
Plankton: Not now, Hun! I'm ranting/raving. [sighs] All right, what is it?
Karen: Well, I was trying to tell you there's an angry mob outside, but now they're inside!
Plankton: Oh... [Mr. Krabs snatches Plankton]
Karen:[while the mob angrily stares at her] I...just work here.
Mr. Krabs:[while he and the chanting mob, carrying Karen, exit the Chum Bucket] We'd like to have a word with you.
Plankton:[chuckles nervously] You all look very hungry. Can I get anybody a Chumburger?
Mr. Krabs:[while pointing at Plankton] Enough with that niceties, Plankton! This is the last time I'm gonna ask you. WHERE IS ME FORMULER?!
Plankton:[while crawling away from Mr. Krabs] I told you, Krabs! I don't have it!
Mr. Krabs: Wrong answer! [prepares to stomp on Plankton]
SpongeBob: Stop! All right, Mr. Krabs. Let me get in on this. [growls, then angrily walks toward Plankton]
Plankton: What's going on around here?
SpongeBob:[pushes Mr. Krabs back] You may want to step back a little, Mr. Krabs. This could get messy.
Mr. Krabs: Let's hope so.
SpongeBob: So, you won't talk, eh, Plankton? [gets out a bubble jar] I didn't wanna have to do this. Plankton,... [dips his wand in the jar] ...here comes the pain!
Mr. Krabs: Soap in the eye, eh? Diabolical.
Plankton:[while SpongeBob blows a bubble and sends Plankton in it] No, stop, don't!
Mr. Krabs: Wait, that didn't look painful.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you may not understand what I'm about to do today. [gets in the bubble] But someday, we'll look back and have a good laugh. [the bubble floats away]
Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute.
Customer: Hey, they're getting away!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: So, you've been runnin' a long con on me, eh? All these years, you've been working for Plankton?!
Paco: They're in cahoots!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I guess that's a short way of saying it. STOP THAT BUBBLE!
[the customers throw stuff at the bubble, including a football and a customer]
Customer: Please tell me there's something soft below me.
SpongeBob and Plankton: Uh, nope. [the customer falls]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [the bubble floats farther] Oh, you were like an underpaid son to me. I would have expected Squidward to stab me in the back! [points to Squidward, who had been sleeping on his feet]
Squidward:[wakes up] Huh, what?
Mr. Krabs: But SpongeBob, me most trusted employee, working with me sworn enemy? [while pointing at Squidward] You know what this means, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: We get the rest of the day off?
Mr. Krabs: No! This be but a harbinger of what I fear lies ahead. For you, for me, for all of Bikini Bottom! The Krabby Patty is what ties us all together! Without it, there will be a complete breakdown of social order! A war of all against all! Dark times are ahead! Dark times indeed! [falls on his face]
Squidward: Seriously? [Mr. Krabs gets up] Aren't you overreacting a bit? [Bikini Bottom shifts to a post-apocalyptic phase full of fire]
Mr. Krabs: Welcome to the apocalypse, Mr. Squidward. I hope you like leather. [Bikini Bottomites run away angrily]
Squidward: I prefer suede.
[scene fades back to Burger Beard's book]
Burger Beard: And so, Bikini Bottom became an apocalyptic cesspool forevermore. The end! [closes the book, then stands up and stretches]
Kyle: Wait a minute. That's a terrible ending!
David: Oh, this is bad. Really bad! SpongeBob's in trouble, and the story's over?!
Andy: Ouch, Ouch, Ouch!
[as another seagull bangs his head with a bell repeatedly, others freak out as yet another one, Henry, steps on Burger-Beard's steering wheel]
Henry: There is no way that that's the end of the story.
Burger Beard: Oh, of course it is. I'll show you. Just turn around.
Henry: Oh, all right. [Burger-Beard takes a feather off of the seagull and uses it to write in the book] Hey, I need that to fly, you jerk!
Burger Beard:[says it as he writes it] The end! [the fake end credits start to roll]
Henry: That's not the end.
[the fake end credits stop by ripping itself to the scene that shows Burger-Beard and the seagull fighting against the book until Burger-Beard falls]
Andy: You'd better keep reading, Mr. Pirate,... [he and other seagulls aim their butts at Burger-Beard] ...or else!
Henry:[while he drops the paper in the ocean] I know I shouldn't be littering, but that ending was rubbish! [evil laugh]
[the paper falls in the ocean, which is actually the post-apocalyptic Bikini Bottom where the Bikini Bottomites riot around angrily]
Patrick:[as he walks in the Krusty Krab] Good morning, Squidward. I'll have the usual. [a fiery boat crashes in the Krusty Krab] With cheese.
Squidward: We're out of Krabby Patties right now!
Patrick:[as he steps out slowly] No Krabby Patties? [as he turns himself into a post-apocalyptic version of himself]NOOOO!!
SpongeBob:[as he and Plankton still float in the bubble through the destroyed Bikini Bottom] Look what's become of Bikini Bottom. We've really gotta get that formula back.
Plankton: Hmm... Get the secret formula, you say? Excuse me, I...need a moment. With that formula, I could rule the world! [Plankton laughs evilly, then clears his throat]
SpongeBob: You know I can hear you, right?
Plankton: Well, what do we do now?
SpongeBob: Now we work together. You know, teamwork.
Plankton: What's a te-amwork?
SpongeBob: No, Plankton, teamwork.
Plankton: Tie 'em work.
Plankton: Tie 'em up.
SpongeBob: Say "team" like a sports...
SpongeBob: Team. Now say "work."
SpongeBob: Put 'em together, what do you got?
Plankton: Time bomb... work.
SpongeBob: Gettin' better.
[scene cuts to show Sandy in her treedome about to eat a Krabby Patty while turning on the news]
Johnny:[on TV] Now, Bikini Bottom action news!
Sandy:[gasps to see Patrick slobbering on the glass] Oh! Hey, Patrick!
[as Sandy gets closer to eating the Krabby Patty, Patrick angrily knocks on the glass and repeatedly shouts "Krabby Patty!" until she eats it and Patrick sadly walks away]
Patrick: Come on, tummy. It's gonna be a long day.
Johnny:[on TV] We interrupt your regular program for an important news bulletin!
Perch Perkins:[cuts to Perch Perkins in the post-apocalyptic street of Bikini Bottom] Perch Perkins reporting live from Downtown Bikini... [ducks from a boat being thrown at a building] ...Bottom. Complete chaos here today as our town attempts to deal with a sudden and complete shortage of Krabby Patties. [the building falls down] Whoa! Events here have this reporter wondering, what is the secret ingredient in Krabby Patties, anyway?! [runs away]
Fish: It's love!! The secret ingredient is love!! [swings a flail at the camera, static, Sandy's TV shuts off, Sandy gasps]
Sandy: No more Krabby Patties? If I'd known that, I'd have chewed it slower. Huh? [sees a piece of paper falling from the surface] What the corndog is that?! [the page lands on her treedome]
[scene cuts back to SpongeBob and Plankton floating in a bubble through the Post-apocalyptic Bikini Bottom]
SpongeBob: Come on, Plankton, it's easy, It means I help you, you help me, and when we accomplish our goal, then we do hands in the middle.
Plankton: Hands in the middle? No, no, sounds idiotic. Besides, the two of us are no match for that cranky mob. [scene cuts to show a couple fish knocking down a donut sign, then back to Plankton] We could probably use a few more... te-am-works.
SpongeBob: That's exactly what I was thinking. [prepares to pop the bubble]
Plankton: Wait, what are you doing?
[SpongeBob and Plankton fall and land between Patrick and Squidward's houses. All three houses are badly damaged.]
Patrick:[as he smashes his rock] I...need...Krabby Patties!
SpongeBob:[gets up] Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: I...need...Krabby Patties! [Stops smashing his rock] Vandalizing stuff.
Plankton: Isn't that your house?
Patrick: Hey, what's with all the questions? Who are you guys?
SpongeBob: It's me, your best friend, SpongeBob.
Patrick: Oh, yeah. Well, if you're SpongeBob, then what's the secret password?
SpongeBob and Plankton: Uhh...
Patrick: Correct! It is you! SpongeBob! [dog piles on SpongeBob, squishing Plankton] SpongeBob.
Patrick: SpongeBob! Why aren't you at the Krusty Krab making Krabby Patties? [sits on Plankton]
SpongeBob: Well, I'd love to, but the formula's gone.
Patrick: Yeah, Mr. Krabs says you and Plankton took it.
SpongeBob: No, that's not what happened. It just disappeared. We're putting a team together to find it.
Plankton: I don't know, SpongeBob. [pops to normal] What exactly does this clown bring to the te-am?
SpongeBob: He brings loyalty, Plankton, loyalty. Isn't that right, Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah, yeah, loyalty. I'VE GOT SPONGEBOB! HE'S OVER HERE![makes a siren noise]
Mr. Krabs:LET'S GO GET HIM!![he and the Bikini Bottomites run toward SpongeBob]
Plankton: Come on, SpongeBob. Let's get out of here!
SpongeBob: Patrick- [Patrick throws SpongeBob onto Plankton, sits on him, then resumes making the siren noise] Patrick, why are you doing this?
Patrick:BECAUSE I...NEED...KRABBY...PATTIES!! Hurry up! I'm hungry! Over here! [SpongeBob digs out from under Patrick's butt, grabs Plankton, then runs away from the angry mob] Guys? Am I still on the team? [to his butt] Hey, what are you looking at?
[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Plankton running away from the angry mob, then it cuts to Sandy's treedome, then SpongeBob presses the air lock button and grabs his water helmet]
SpongeBob: Sandy! [as the water drains, he puts his water helmet on, gets out a cup and scoops up Plankton] Sandy? [pans down on her tree as Sandy jumps down] Sandy. Sandy, are you home? Gee, Plankton, I wonder where she is. What is all this stuff? [Sandy runs to the right] Sandy? [starts to touch a paper showing a drawing of a Krabby Patty]
Sandy:[jumps on SpongeBob] Don't touch that! [jumps away from SpongeBob, then reads a book. She starts mumbling.]
SpongeBob: Sandy, are you okay?
Sandy:Okay?[pushes a chalkboard away from the window, revealing the post apocalyptic Bikini Bottom] Have you looked outside? Does that seem okay to you? I'm trying to figure out what happened to society. If we don't fix it soon, there won't be anything left to fix! [runs to the right]
SpongeBob: Sandy! The lack of Krabby Patties has driven her mad.
Sandy: And I think I figured it out. Look! [clears a bunch of papers, revealing the page from Burger Beard's book, with the words "THE END" written on it] When this came down from above, I knew it could only mean one thing.
SpongeBob: And that would be?
Sandy: It means it's THE END! The sandwich gods are angry with us!
SpongeBob and Plankton: Sandwich gods?
Sandy: I just don't know how we're going to appease them! [SpongeBob and Plankton look at each other, then Sandy puts the papers back on the wall as SpongeBob slowly walks away to her front door]
Plankton: You got any other friends who aren't dim bulbs and nut jobs?
SpongeBob: Well, I have one friend who's loyal to the very end. [bubble transition to SpongeBob and Plankton hiding from the angry mob behind SpongeBob's house, then the scene cuts to inside SpongeBob's house] Gary, I'm home. [scene cuts to SpongeBob's bedroom, which has been ransacked] Gare bear? [while walking down the hall] Gary? Gary? [a little bit of snail slime falls on SpongeBob's face] Huh?
SpongeBob: But it means Gary is close by. Gary, I'm back! Whoa. [scene cuts to Gary wearing a crown on his throne] Oh, hey, Gary. Plankton and I need you to help us find the Krabby Patty formula and fix Bikini Bottom.
Gary:[meowing "Sorry, SpongeBob. But I do not have to do as you said anymore."]
SpongeBob: What do you mean you don't have to do as I say anymore?
Gary:[meowing "I'm a king of snails."]
SpongeBob: What do you mean king of snails? Gary the Snail, you get down here right now and join this team.
Gary:[meowing "Guards! Seize them."]
SpongeBob: What do you mean seize them? [the other snails pop out of their shells and roar]
[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Plankton running away from the snails while SpongeBob screams]
Plankton: Why are you running?
SpongeBob: Because they're right on our tail. [sees the snails coming after them slowly] Oh, right, snails.
Plankton: Well, so much for your te-am.
SpongeBob: Putting together a team is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Mr. Krabs: This way!
Plankton: We better get out of here until things cool off. [SpongeBob runs]
[bubble transition to Bikini Bottom being destroyed, zooms out to reveal SpongeBob sitting somewhere far away]
SpongeBob:[starts to cry] Everything we know and love has been destroyed.
Plankton: Well, yeah, looks like they're gonna have to change the name of Bikini Bottom to Dirty Bottom [laughs] right SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: That's kinda gross, Plankton.
Plankton: Yeah, yeah, too soon, huh?
SpongeBob: This feels like it really is the end.
Plankton: Don't worry, SpongeBob. We'll find the secret formula and everything will go back to the way it was. You know, all happy and junk. [pushes a rock near SpongeBob] Now let's try and get some sleep.
SpongeBob: Yeah, I guess you're right. [rests his head on the rock, Plankton pulls a coral and gives it to SpongeBob as a blanket.]
Plankton: There you are, feel comfy?
SpongeBob: You know, Plankton? I think you might know a little bit more about teamwork than you lead on.
Plankton: Good night, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good night, Plankton. [Falls asleep]
Plankton:[laughs evilly] Good night, indeed. [jumps on SpongeBob's head] That's right SpongeBob, sleep. You're hiding that formula in there somewhere. [jumps inside SpongeBob's head, scene cuts to inside SpongeBob's head] Huh? [Jumps on his brain] Well, here goes nothing. [Digs his way into SpongeBob's brain, emerges in a cotton candy forest] Huh? What... is this place? [Plankton runs through the forest as a waffle chases a bottle of syrup]
Ice Cream Boy: Fudge fight! [the Ice Cream Boy and the Ice Cream Girl squirt fudge at each other, they both laugh] It's all over me.
Plankton: Ew! It's so sweet in here. I think my eyeball is getting a toothache.
Popsicle Twins: Hello, Plankton. Come and play with us [Plankton gasps] Hurry. [Plankton gasps again] Before we melt. [Plankton gasps again, they laugh as they start to melt]
[Plankton screams, runs away trying to escape, slips and falls off a cake, falls to the ground, white cotton balls emerge from the ground, Plankton screams as the cotton balls join together to form a cat.]
Giant Fluffy Cat: Meow.
Plankton: So much sweetness! I think I'm gonna be sick. [barfs up a rainbow] Huh?
[scene cuts to SpongeBob sleeping on the rocks, Plankton pops out of his head covered in cotton candy, SpongeBob wakes up.]
SpongeBob: Plankton? Oh, Plankton, I just had the craziest dream, and you were in it.
Plankton: I'm sure it was nothing. [Plankton has a candy cane mustache, he takes a lollipop off him, throws it] Now, go back to sleep.
SpongeBob: Were you in my brain?
Plankton: What? No! That's crazy talk!
SpongeBob: Then why is there cotton candy on your antennae?
Plankton: Because uh... because uh... okay, fine, I was in your brain.
SpongeBob:[gasps] What were you doing in there?
Plankton: What do you think I was doing? Looking for the secret formula.
Plankton: Don't act so innocent! You know what I was up to. That's why you're pretending not to know the formula.
SpongeBob: I'm not pretending. I can't believe you thought I was lying.
Plankton: Hey, don't take it personally, I just assume everyone is lying.
SpongeBob: That is a horrible way to live your life.
SpongeBob: It is. And if we're gonna be on the same team--
Plankton:MAYBE I DON'T WANNA BE ON A TE-AM! YOU THINK OF THAT?!
SpongeBob: But, Plankton, everything's better when you're part of a team. [gets out his pitch pipe and plays a tune on it.]
Plankton: You're not gonna start singing, are you? [SpongeBob starts singing the Teamwork song] Oh, brother.
[Scene changes to SpongeBob and Plankton standing behind the word "Teamwork", Plankton presses down on a detonator, SpongeBob and Plankton slide down a rainbow, then they build a brick construction, then Plankton holds a wrench, SpongeBob lifts him up, Plankton jumps down and the scene changes to Plankton standing in front of a post-apocalyptic mob, SpongeBob clears the mob in a bulldozer, SpongeBob turns into a hammer and Plankton turns into a nail, they're a boat (SpongeBob) and a sail (Plankton), then a flower (SpongeBob) and the aroma (Plankton), then SpongeBob's holes turn into Planktons, they climb a mountain, SpongeBob flags the mountain, then they cross a finish line, SpongeBob holds Plankton, the song ends.]
Plankton: All right, you can put me down [SpongeBob sets him down on a rock] Well, [sigh] that's one minute of my life I'll never get back.
SpongeBob: Not without a time machine.
Plankton: Wait a minute, hold that thought. [SpongeBob grabs a thought bubble with a question mark on it.] Now back up.
SpongeBob: Enihcam emit a tuohtiw ton.
Plankton: Slow down.
SpongeBob:[slow voice] Not without a time machine.
Plankton: Hmm. Yes. [jumps on SpongeBob's head.] SpongeBob, you're a genius!
SpongeBob: I am?
Plankton: If we build a time machine, we can go back to before the formula disappeared. Before society broke down. Before we became the hunted.
SpongeBob: That sounds great, Plankton, but how do we build a time machine?
Plankton: Well, first we'll need a computer powerful enough to calculate the intricacies of time travel.
SpongeBob: Where would we get one of those?
Plankton: Hmm. [bubble transition to SpongeBob and Plankton skulking The Chum Bucket guarded by the Bikini Bottomites] There she is, my computer wife. They've got her tied up in the back room. I've never seen this many people at The Chum Bucket.
SpongeBob: I've never seen anyone there.
Plankton: Now was that really necessary?
SpongeBob: 'Cause the food's really bad.
Plankton: Oh, come on, really?
SpongeBob: Shh! [silences Plankton] How are we gonna sneak past those guards?
[a tire is thrown into the front of The Chum Bucket, the Bikini Bottomites notice it]
Fish: Well, what do we have here? [he and two other fish beat it with sticks, while SpongeBob comes in from behind.]
SpongeBob: We better hurry. Those guys really hate tires. [he walks further to a tiny door, Plankton jumps down.]
Plankton:[tries to open the door but it's locked] We'll never get in, the door's locked. [SpongeBob throws the tires]
SpongeBob: Hmm. Wait. The window is open. Come on, Plankton, it's time for some teamwork. Give me a boost.
Plankton:[SpongeBob is about to step on plankton] Okay. Wait a minute. No!
Plankton:[Plankton pushes up SpongeBob's shoe] Ya there? [he gets crushed]
SpongeBob: Just a little higher, Plankton. Plankton? [lifts up his foot, to see Plankton on the bottom of his shoe]
Plankton: Why don't you boost me up instead?
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, good thinking. [he scrapes Plankton on to the windowsill, Plankton jumps down to open the door.]
Plankton: Come on, SpongeBob, come on. [SpongeBob squeezes into the tiny door opening, then returns to his original shape.]
SpongeBob: We're in. [slams the tiny door.]
Plankton:[silences SpongeBob] There's a guard over there, camera pans to show Patrick sleeping on a chair] Let's get take key from around his neck. We're gonna have to be very quiet. Let's walk on the tips of our toes. [Plankton sneaks over while mildly loud notes are played, Patrick yawns while changing his sleeping position. The notes are heard again, then the scene shows SpongeBob playing a tiny piano] Will you stop playing that tiny piano?! [whispering] You're gonna get us caught.
SpongeBob:[stops playing the piano] Sorry. [sneaks over to Patrick to get the key]
Plankton: Now just reach over and grab it. [SpongeBob prepares to grab the key when he steps on a squeaky metal board which wakes Patrick a little.
Patrick:[waking up] What? Huh? Who goes there? [falls back asleep, then SpongeBob gets closer and tries to pull the key off his neck]
Plankton: Stop! Pull it over his head!
SpongeBob: Oh. [pulls the necklace up choking Patrick]
Plankton: Stop. Stop. Stop! [Patrick's head returns to its original shape] Let me get up there. [jumps onto Patrick's tummy, chews the rope around his neck, the key starts sliding down Patrick's tummy, Plankton tries to grab the key, he lands in Patrick's bellybutton and he starts sinking in] Help me.
SpongeBob:[gasps, then grabs Plankton and the key out from Patricks belly button, then Patrick starts to wake up.]
Patrick: What? Huh?! [he gets out a giant whistle and prepares to blow it but SpongeBob jumps him]
SpongeBob: No! Plankton, help! [tries to grab a hold of Patrick and he tries to rock him to sleep] I'll rock him, you tell him a bedtime story.
Plankton: Uh, uh. Once upon a time, there was a big, fat, pink idiot who went to sleep. The end!
Patrick: Nice try, but it's gonna take more than that to-- [he falls asleep]
[scene changes to Karen shackled in a dark room when SpongeBob opens the door]
Karen: I told you, I don't have the formula, you monsters.
Plankton: Hey, baby, how are you?
Karen: Plankton! My hero! You must need something, otherwise you wouldn't have come back.
SpongeBob: Plankton has a plan to save Bikini Bottom. [unlocks Karen's shackles, she falls face down and SpongeBob stands her back up]
Karen: Doesn't matter, Plankton. Krabs knows all your plans. He's been through my hard drive looking for the secret formula.
Plankton: Eh, I never had it, but we're going to get it. We're gonna go back in time and steal the formula before it disappeared.
Karen: Time travel. Where are you gonna find a computer that can do that? Wait a minute.
[scene changes to SpongeBob walking out of The Chum Bucket carrying Karen's monitor]
SpongeBob: I've never carried a head before.
Plankton: You'll get used to it.
SpongeBob: It's still warm. [sees a spotlight coming towards him and he runs away from it]
Fish: So you won't talk, huh? Let some air out of it. [another fish does so]
[scene zooms in on Taco Haüs]
SpongeBob:[from inside] Is this where we're gonna build our time machine?
Plankton:[inside the restaurant] Sure. It's got everything we need. A photo booth, a cuckoo clock, [The clock goes off] some day old chips. Now all we have to do is build it. [SpongeBob plays his pitch pipe again but Plankton takes it into the photo booth] Oh, no, you don't.
SpongeBob: Hey, my pitch pipe.
Plankton: Uh, I need it for the time machine.
SpongeBob: Oh, okay. [Plankton smashes the pitch pipe with a hammer and flushes it down a toilet]
Plankton:[walks out of the photo booth] Installed! [they start building the time machine, Plankton uses a big hammer while SpongeBob uses a small one, then SpongeBob pour a bucket of nuts and bolts into an opening at the top of the photo booth, then he saws a block of wood while Plankton holds on to the other end, then Plankton runs on a screwdriver while SpongeBob pushes it close slowly, they break for lunch where SpongeBob eats a taco while Plankton has a sausage, then SpongeBob tries to loop a pink thread through a needle when Plankton helps him, Plankton signals SpongeBob to install a tube into an opening, then he turns the clock hand backwards and the time machine starts up] I did it!
SpongeBob: No. We did it.
Plankton: Wait. We did do it. As a te-am.
SpongeBob: A team.
[they sing the last verse of the teamwork song again where Plankton and SpongeBob pop out of Peanut Butter and Jelly jars, then they wear hats and foam fingers, and they fist bump each other, the scene cuts back to the restaurant]
SpongeBob:[carrying Karen into the time machine] Okay, now for the brains. [Inside the time machine, he pushes Karen into the opening and she powers up]
Karen: Okay, Plankton, this is it. It's gonna take all my processors and energy to power this time machine. So, if you have anything you wanna tell me, you better tell me now.
Plankton: Well, Karen. I know I've taken you for granted all these years and I... I just wanted to say... I'm glad you're on my te-am.
Karen: Oh, Sheldon. That's the sweetest thing you've ever s-- [Plankton flips a switch and Karen shuts off and her screen flashes 12:00 AM, Plankton starts to cry]
SpongeBob: Plankton, are you crying?
Plankton: No, no, no, it's just one of the hazards of having a giant eyeball. [wipes his tear away] There's always stuff getting in there. Anyway, [Clears throat] where were we? [from outside the time machine] Say "cheese".
SpongeBob:[inserts a quarter in the coin slot] Cheese!
[they travel through a time space vortex where Squeeze Me by N.E.R.D. plays and they crash through a giant taco leaving their cartoony outlines, they appear in a desert part of Bikini Bottom four days in the future, they step out and explore]
Plankton: According to my calculations, the Krusty Krab should be right here.
SpongeBob: What's that over there?
[Patrick turns around who is now rapidly aged with gray hair, eyebrows and a long beard]
Future Patrick: SpongeBob?
Future Patrick: Is it really you?
SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick. It's--
Future Patrick: Finally! The Great Krabby Patty Famine is over!
SpongeBob: Great Krabby Patty Famine? Oh, what year is this?
Future Patrick: It's Thursday.
Plankton: According to my calculations, we've only gone 4 days into the future.
SpongeBob: Where is everybody?
Future Patrick: They all gave up on you but not me! 'Cause I'm not very smart.
SpongeBob: Where is the Krusty Krab?
Future Patrick: Right where it's always been. [the wind blows a bunch of sand away revealing Patrick sitting on The Krusty Krab sign]
[SpongeBob gasps, then he and Plankton run back into the time machine, they travel back through the time space vortex where they fall into three sombrero brims and a song sheet tunnel, they appear in Bubbles' Interdimensional spacecraft, SpongeBob opens the curtain and sets foot on Bubbles' Interdimensional spacecraft which lights up, the scene zooms in on Bubbles watching the void of space between Saturn and Jupiter]
SpongeBob: I think we may be lost in time, Plankton. Maybe we should ask this guy for directions. Excuse me, sir. Can you tell us when we are?
Bubbles: Who dares disturb the one who watches?
SpongeBob: The one who watches? Your name is "The one who watches"?
Bubbles: No! My true name is "Bubbles".
Plankton: "Bubbles"? [chuckles] Wha-what kind of a name is "Bubbles"?
Bubbles: It is my ancient dolphin name.
SpongeBob: So what's a dolphin doing out here in the middle of space?
Bubbles: My kind have been watching and protecting the galaxy for-- [clicks] Hmm. 10,000 years.
SpongeBob: Oh, so you're the one keeping the meteors from hitting us.
Bubbles: Yes, I am. And I could really do with a potty break, would you mind keeping an eye on things?
SpongeBob: Sure thing but uh, what am I keeping my eye on? [Bubbles swims over to the restroom, SpongeBob watches the void of space between Saturn and Jupiter]
Plankton: What are you doing?
SpongeBob:[the planets' reflections are seen in SpongeBob's eyes] I'm watching.
Plankton: We don't even know what we're even watching for.
SpongeBob: Maybe we should split up the work load. [points to Jupiter] You watch the one with the big red eye, [points to Saturn] and I'll watch the one with the ringy thingies, like a team. [they watch the planets when Plankton notices that they're getting closer to each other]
Plankton: Okay, mine's moving.
SpongeBob: Mine, too.
Plankton: No, this doesn't seem right. Should we call Bubbles?
SpongeBob: Let's give him a minute. He's been holding it for 10,000 years. [the planets smash into each other, SpongeBob gasps] I'm pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen. [picks up several rocks] Come on, Plankton we gotta clean this up before Bubbles gets back! [sweeps the rocks under the floor, Bubbles exits the restroom with toilet paper on his fin]
Bubbles:[sigh] Much better, yes. You two are free to go. [SpongeBob ditches the broom and makes an innocent face] What happened to Saturn and to Jupiter?! [Saturn's rings fall off] You were supposed to-- [clicks for a while, clears his throat, clicks again] keep them from smashing into each other.
Bubbles: Now-- [clicks] I am going to lose my job! And you... will lose your lives. [tries to destroy SpongeBob and Plankton and they make a run for their time machine]
SpongeBob: Hey, quarter me! [Bubbles' laser blasts SpongeBob into the time machine and SpongeBob grabs the quarter before getting struck by Bubbles' laser and they travel through the time space vortex again, landing in Mr. Krabs' office two days in the past]
Past SpongeBob:[walks in, gasps] Plankton?!
Past Plankton: SpongeBob!
Past SpongeBob:[time machine appears and SpongeBob and Plankton walk out] Plankton?! [gasps]
Past Plankton: SpongeBob?! Who are you two supposed to be?
Plankton: I'm you from the future.
SpongeBob:[points to his past self] And I'm him from the future!
Past Plankton: So you traveled back through time to help me? Great thinking!
SpongeBob: Nope. He's helping me.
Past SpongeBob:[gasps] But he's the enemy.
SpongeBob:Was the enemy. Now we're a team.
Past Plankton: What, a te-am?
Plankton: A team! All right, go get the formula. [SpongeBob runs over to the safe]
Past SpongeBob: What have I become?
SpongeBob: All right, Plankton. [tries to grab the secret formula from Plankton's past self]
Past SpongeBob: Do you have flying boat mobiles in the future?
Plankton: We only came back from the day after tomorrow, dim wit.
Past SpongeBob: Are there rocket packs?
SpongeBob:[SpongeBob trying to get the formula]
Past SpongeBob: Did they outlaw clothes in the future?
Past SpongeBob: Then why are you naked?
Plankton: 'Cause they don't make clothes in my size.
SpongeBob: Hold still you! [SpongeBob tries to grab the formula when Plankton's past self runs away]
Past SpongeBob: If you're from the future, what am I gonna say next?
Plankton: Something moronic?
Past SpongeBob: Wow!
Plankton: Hey, hurry up over there!
Past Plankton:[SpongeBob knocks the decoy formula bottle off the pressure plate and the light goes on and it beeps; screams] Uh oh, that ain't good.
Computer Voice:[as a red light turns on and off] Initiating Lockdown Sequence.
Plankton: Come on, SpongeBob. We gotta get outta here.
SpongeBob:[he grabs the fake formula thinking it's the real one] Got it!
Plankton: Come on! [SpongeBob runs into the time machine and they return to the present]
SpongeBob and Plankton:[laughing together]
SpongeBob: Oh, that was crazy.
Plankton: So that's what teamwork is. All those years, I tried to make you mine and I finally did it. I mean, we did it!
[scene fades back to Burger Beard's book]
Burger Beard: And so, it would seem that our heroes have accomplished all they had set out to do. [Burger Beard is seen reading and piloting the ship at the same time. He shuts the book]
Andy: Now that's an ending.
Kyle: Andy, cue the music.
Andy:[he gets out an accordion] ♪ Ooooh... ♪ [Burger-Beard drops the book, sits down]
Burger Beard: Oh, no. That's not the end.
Kyle: So, you mean the ending might be even happier? [Burger-Beard gets out his telescope, scene changes to Burger-Beard's telescope view of the beach]
Burger Beard: Land ho!
[scene changes to the beach where Burger-Beard drives his pirate ship, now with tires on the beach while the beach goers run out of the way, he crashes the ship through a lifeguard tower, the pirate ship lands in the streets and parallel parks between two other food trucks]
Burger Beard: Yeah! All right, you feathered rats, time to shove off!
Andy: What? Why?
Burger Beard: Well, I can't have you pooping all over my restaurant, can I?
Andy: Restaurant? I thought this was a pirate ship.
Burger Beard: Oh, it is. But it is also... [starts turning his pirate ship into a food truck] A-ha! My very own food truck.
Seagull #1: A what?
Burger Beard: Uh, you know, a restaurant on wheels.
Seagull #2: Like a garbage truck?
Burger Beard: No! Are you trying to scare away my customers?
Seagull #3: Well, we're not leaving until we see how the story ends.
Burger Beard: No problem. You guys like a little snack while you wait?
Seagull #3: Sure I'll take a curdled milk.
Andy: How 'bout a fish head?
Seagull #3: And a french fry covered in sand.
Burger Beard:[removes a dish cover to reveal hot wings on a platter] Who wants some hot wings?
Andy: Wait a minute. Where's Kyle?
Burger Beard: Which one of you is next? [the other seagulls fly away]
Kyle:[inside a porta potty] Bye-bye, Mr. Poop. Now I can get my golden sticker. [walks out and shuts the door] Oh, hey, Mr. Piwate. I wouldn't go in there if I were you. [chuckles]
Burger Beard:[gets out a megaphone which blows off Kyle's feathers] Boo!
Kyle:[screams] I can't fly without my feathers. [whistles for a cab which drives up and Kyle gets in the back seat]
Cab driver: Where to, Mac?
Kyle: Just dwive.
[the cab drives away and the scene fades back to The Krusty Krab in the post-apocalyptic Bikini Bottom where inside, Patrick is looking at the picture of a Krabby Patty]
Patrick: Uhh... Squidward?
Squidward: Still out of Krabby Patties.
Patrick:[licks the picture than holds it up asking...] Does anyone have a picture of ketchup? [Sandy walks in]
Sandy: I done figured it out! [everyone gasps as Sandy jumps on a table] We have angered the sandwich gods and only a sacrifice will appease them!
Big Fish: Oh, that sounds reasonable.
Sandy: Soon, our post-apoca-whatchamacallit will be over and Krabby Patties will rain down from above!
Mr. Krabs: Rain down? Well that's no good! How will I get me money?!
Nat: Oh, you don't like that idea? Then we'll sacrifice you!
[the crowd carries Mr. Krabs outside chanting "sacrifice", when SpongeBob and Plankton's time machine appears at the entrance, SpongeBob opens the curtain]
SpongeBob: It's not a good idea to have a sacrifice on an empty stomach. [holds out the bottle] Who wants a Krabby Patty? [the crowd cheers]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, is that me formuler? [grabs the bottle] Oh, happy day. [kissing the bottle] I've missed you so much. Where was it? Where'd you find it?
SpongeBob: Well, Plankton and I built a time machine out of an old photo booth and then we added--
SpongeBob: Patrick, wait! [Patrick disappears in the time machine]
Mr. Krabs: It's okay, everyone. The post-apocalypse is almost over! [the crowd cheers and Mr. Krabs opens the bottle and gets the formula out of it] Ain't that right SpongeBob? [SpongeBob and Plankton high five] "Eugene, Eat my sub-aquatic air bubbles. Love, Plankton?" [he glances at SpongeBob]
Plankton:[SpongeBob and Plankton's faces suddenly turn from happy to shocked.] You grabbed the wrong bottle!
SpongeBob:[grabs Mr. Krabs' arms] I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: That's okay, SpongeBob. We'll just have to sacrifice the two of you then! Prepare them for the sacrifice!
Patrick:[he reappears in the time machine and walks out] I bring a message from the dawn of time!
SpongeBob: What is it, Patrick?
Patrick: Run! [he runs and a Squidasaurus Rex destroys the time machine and he roars]
Squidward: Squidasaurus Rex!
[the Squidasaurus Rex wreaks havoc in The Krusty Krab and everyone inside runs away from it]
SpongeBob: Well, Plankton, I guess we failed to accomplish our goals.
SpongeBob: But, even failure hurts a little less when you do it as a team, right?
Plankton:THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!![everyone pauses and the crowd gasps]
SpongeBob: My fault?!
Plankton: You're the one who stole the wrong secret formula.
SpongeBob: I didn't know there were two bottles.
Plankton: Of course you didn't! 'Cause you got cotton candy for brains! [the crowd goes "ooh"] No, seriously, he really does.
SpongeBob: Well, we wouldn't even be in this mess in the first place if you weren't so selfish and evil!
Plankton: I was selfish and evil until you ruined everything with your teamwork!
SpongeBob:[he gasps] You take that back!
Plankton:YOU ARE THE WORST TEAMMATE EVER!!
SpongeBob:[begins screaming] NO! [In a breakdown, he kicks over a garbage can. The crowds gasps and stares at him as he dumps out a recycle bin. He crazily hugs the piles to his chest. While SpongeBob was mixing both recycling and garbage, Plankton gasped.]
Customer: Oh, my Neptune, he's mixing garbage and recycling!
SpongeBob:[grabs two handfuls of goo from the mess he made, then holds over his head, screaming loudly. The crowd gasps. He breathes heavily, then regains his senses. He looks around, then down at his hands.] Look at me. Why, I've become like all of you. Savage. Fear-ridden. Selfish. An entire town of formerly good citizens, turned into heartless freaks, bent on their own self-prever...Self-preter...
Mob Member: "Preservation?"
SpongeBob: Yes! We've become alienated from each other. Each one an island unto himself, concerned only with ourselves. And in the name of all fishhood, I am not about to let that happen! [tears a piece of cloth from a fish's shirt, and makes a headband from it.] And so, if a sacrifice is needed to restore Bikini Bottom to its former glory... [Squidward and a group watches him] then I am willing to take one for the team! [He stands atop the ruins of the cashier counter, the wind ruffling his headband. Plankton, Sandy and the crowd watch with solemn expressions. One fish takes his hat off respectfully.]
Squidward: (gloats) You heard him!
[the crowd carries SpongeBob outside where he is shackled on top of a tower and a giant stone is hanging over him as the crowd chants "sacrifice"]
Mr. Krabs: Let the sacrifice begin!
Squidasaurus Rex:[as the crowd chants "Patties"] And I thought my friends were primitive.
Mr. Krabs:[as SpongeBob sniffs around] Don't cry, me boy. Everything's gonna be fine. For us.
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm not crying, Mr. Krabs. [he sniffs] I smell Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: That's right. Keep thinking happy thoughts. Now! [Squidward puts on an executioner mask and slices the rope dropping the stone on SpongeBob but Mr. Krabs lifts it up and he sniffs] The boy's right. [he throws the stone]
Fred: My leg!
Mr. Krabs: I smell 'em, too. Ok SpongeBob, Go Get It! [tears off his apocalyptic outfit]
Squidward: Wait. You mean we can just take this stuff off? [tears off his executioner outfit]
Mr. Krabs: Go find that Krabby Patty! [throws SpongeBob]
SpongeBob:[SpongeBob bounces down the tower, then runs in front of the crowd.] Come on, everybody! I've got some Krabby Patty orders to fill! [everyone tears off their apocalyptic outfits, the crowd follows SpongeBob up a hill. SpongeBob's nose detaches to follow the scent vapors] It's coming from over there! [everyone follows him through a ship wreck, then through a winter forest, then they're upside down and a customer falls, then they end up on the moon, then riding on an eagle and they're walking up a mountain] Come on, guys! I think it's just over this hill! [He looks up to see the scent vapor continues on the surface and everybody groans]
Squidward: How do you expect us to go up to the surface? We won't be able to breathe!
Customer: All right. All secondary characters, come with me. [everybody returns to Bikini Bottom and Squidward follows them]
Squidward: Yeah, I'm with you guys. [Mr. Krabs grabs his shirt]
Mr. Krabs: No way, Squidward. [points to the surface] You're going up there with us.
Patrick: My feet hurt.
SpongeBob: Patrick, you don't have feet.
Patrick:[screams] Well, it's not fair. You have feet. Sandy has feet. Squidward has feet.
Squidward: Actually, I have four feet. [Patrick grunts and sits on the floor with his arms crossed and Plankton comes up hiding behind a rock]
SpongeBob: It's not about feet. [Plankton rolls near SpongeBob's feet]
Squidward: What is it about then?
SpongeBob: It's about being a team and sticking together no matter what. [Plankton jumps into SpongeBob's sock]
Squidward: The only way we're going up there is if some fairy godmother shows up and helps us breathe air. [everyone notices a light coming towards them and Bubbles shows up]
Squidward: SpongeBob, you know this guy?
SpongeBob:[gets on his knees] Don't hurt us! We're sorry we got you fired!
Bubbles: Hurt you? [click] Why, I traveled back through time to thank you. I've been stuck in that job for eons. I needed a change, but I was too afraid to go for it.
SpongeBob: Well, Bubbles, I'm glad we could help.
Bubbles: Now, it is my turn to help. I can get you safely to the surface. Now-- [clicks] Quick, all of you. Get in my mouth.
SpongeBob: Come on, guys. Let's go.
Squidward: There's no way I'm climbing into some dolphin's mouth.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, this guy just wants a free lunch.
SpongeBob: Guys, if Bubbles has the courage to quit his dead end nowhere job and travel back through time to help us, then we need to have the courage to-- [Bubbles captures everyone in his mouth and he swims around]
Mr. Krabs: Well, I never thought I'd be eaten by a dolphin.
SpongeBob: No, if he was eating us, he'd be chewing us up and we'd be going down there. This is what you call "riding in style".
Squidward:[Sigh] Not a lot of leg room in here.
Patrick: Well, maybe if you didn't have four feet!
Plankton:[emerges from SpongeBob's sock] Note to self: Never stow away in a gym sock.
[Bubbles went out of the ocean, floating in the air, and he opens his blowhole shining sunlight in his mouth]
Patrick: What's happening? I feel tingly.
[Bubbles shoots everyone out of his blowhole and they're converted from 2D hand-drawn characters into CGI three-dimensional animated characters and Bubbles flings everyone on the shoreline]
Squidward: Ow, my neck.
[SpongeBob flips upward
Bubbles: I've done all I can. The rest is up to you.
SpongeBob:[waves] Thank you, Bubbles!
Bubbles: Farewell, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob:[salutes] Farewell, Bubbles!
Bubbles: Now, to update my-- [Clicks] Hmm-m-m [Clicks] R-r-résumé! [He rockets in the air back towards his spacecraft]
Sandy:[takes off her helmet] Ah, fresh air. Oh, how I've missed you.
Squidward: Ugh! This place smells awful!
SpongeBob: Come on, guys. Let's get the Krabby Patty formula and save Bikini Bottom. [he and the others trek through the sand among the crowd.] Whoa. What is this place?
Mr. Krabs: I have a bad feeling about this.
Patrick:[walks up to a bare foot] Maybe this guy knows where we are. He looks smart. He's got five heads.
SpongeBob: Uh, Sir? Could you tell us where to find a Krabby Patty? [No response]
Patrick: Hey, my friend's talking to you! [pokes the foot]
SpongeBob:[peeks from behind the foot] What? [he gasps at a sleeping male sunbather.] A giant, hairy porpoise! It's beached! It's suffering. Poor thing.
Sandy: Y'all, those aren't porpoises.
Mr. Krabs: All hands on deck!
[Everyone goes over to SpongeBob]
Sandy: Oh, brother.
Mr. Krabs: We need to get these guys back in the water!
SpongeBob: Come on, push!
[They flip the sunbather over to the ocean and Mr. Krabs yells "Heave!" and everyone else yells "Ho!"]
Mr. Krabs: Put your back into it!
SpongeBob: Come on, push! [the sleeping sunbather squishes everyone on his back]
Squidward: Well, I guess this is where that horrible smell was coming from.
[everyone burrows out from under his back and they run into a shovel, bumping into it. SpongeBob and his friends split up and they pop out of a girl's sand castle and they turn around]
Beach girl:[fascinated] Whoa!
SpongeBob: Excuse me, do you know where we can get a Krabby Patty around here?
Beach boy: You get off of my sister's sand castle! [kicks the sandcastle really hard, sending SpongeBob and the others flying]
Beach girl: Mom! [runs off]
[Patrick lands on an ice cream cone, Mr. Krabs hits a cotton candy cart, SpongeBob and Sandy land on an umbrella which then spins around, and Squidward lands on a gorgeous sunbather's back.]
Patrick:[lifts head up and sees ice cream] Ahh...Where have you been all my life? [Patrick kisses the ice cream passionately, then starts gobbling the soft pink scoop]
Squidward:[tries to stand up, but slips on her back due to the oily tanning lotion] Whoa! Whoa!
Female Sunbather:[dazed] Oh Frank...that's so good.
Patrick:[continues gobbling ice cream. A freckled boy spots Patrick.]
Freckled Boy: Gross! [throws the cone, which hits Squidward off the female sunbather's back.]
[Squidward lands face-first into the sand, and Patrick pops out of the top of the cone.]
Patrick: Oh, hey Squidward.
SpongeBob:[stands up] Sandy! The Krabby Patty! I think I see where it's coming from! [starts running, making the umbrella spin around. The umbrella's owner closes it, and SpongeBob and Sandy get stuck in a fold. The owner then flings it open, sending them flying again]
SpongeBob and Sandy:[screams]WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!!!!! [they hit the cotton candy cart next to Mr. Krabs. They all fall off and land on the boardwalk.]
Patrick: SpongeBob, you would not believe the size of the ice creams here. [Squidward strides up] I wonder what other giant snacks they have. [looks up at the cotton candy cart and he gasps] Cotton candy!
SpongeBob:[he and Patrick jump on the cotton candy cart] Wow.
Sandy: If you ate all that, you'd have enough energy to run around the whole world.
[SpongeBob and Patrick jump into the cotton candy machine and they eat some then they go into a sugar rush and they laugh as they travel around the world until the camera zooms out to reveal them standing in front of a postcard rack and Sandy takes them off the rack]
Squidward: [annoyed by their laughing] Ugh! When is the sugar gonna wear off?
[SpongeBob and Patrick fall on their faces, much to Squidward's relief, and SpongeBob gets up and he sniffs around as he climbs the postcard rack]
SpongeBob: Hey guys. I smell Krabby Patties! [jumps down] I think it's this way! [SpongeBob and the others dodge bike riders all over the sidewalk] Now what?
Squidward: We're never gonna make it!
[Patrick bumps his head on a bike pedal and SpongeBob gets an idea. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick jumping on the pedals as the others steer. SpongeBob says "Heave," and Patrick says "Ho."]
SpongeBob: We're doing it guys!
[a skateboarder notices them working the bike and hits a light post then they come towards a stroller]
Sandy: Hold on!
[Mr. Krabs hits the bike bell and yells in shock]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Lean!
[they steer the bike away from the stroller and ride up a surfing board like a ramp, they fall off the bike into a wagon]
Mr. Krabs: What the--?
SpongeBob: What? "Home of the Krabby Patty?" But the Krusty Krab is the home of the Krabby Patty! Mr. Krabs, what are we gonna do?!
Mr. Krabs:[pushes SpongeBob out of the way] $8.99 for a Krabby Patty?! Why didn't I think of that? [scene cuts to Burger Beard making Krabby Patties when SpongeBob and the others climb up on the counter and Mr. Krabs pulls his pants up] You. [Burger Beard turns around] Cease and desist that unauthorized patty flippin'!
SpongeBob: Yeah. That's my job!
Burger Beard: How did you get here? You cannot breathe air.
SpongeBob: Well, there was this magical dolphin from the future who shot us out of his blowhole and then--
Burger Beard:[stammers] Wait! Wait. [SpongeBob takes his finger out of his ear as Burger Beard gets his book and looks around] That's not in the book.
Mr. Krabs: Book?
Burger Beard: There's no magical dolphin in this story.
Mr. Krabs: What story?
Burger Beard:[closes the book] The story of how Bikini Bottom was brought to its knees when its beloved Krabby Patty formula was stolen by me, Burger Beard.
Patrick:[everyone has shocked faces except for Patrick who's lying on his tummy with a smile] How does it end?
Burger Beard: Well, let me see. It looks like, um, Burger Beard becomes the richest food truck proprietor in all of the land.
SpongeBob: But how did you steal the formula?
Burger Beard: That was easy. I simply rewrote the story and... [holds the formula in his hand] Poof!
Mr. Krabs:[SpongeBob gasps] Me formuler!
Squidward: What do you mean rewrote the story?
Burger Beard: Watch this. [dips a feather in a bottle of ink and as he writes, he says...] The brave and handsome Burger Beard banished... [SpongeBob gasps in shock] our poor heroes to be stranded on Pelican Island! [Everyone disappears to Pelican Island] The end! [shuts the book]
[scene cuts to Pelican Island: a tiny island of rock in the middle of the ocean]
SpongeBob: Oh, this looks bad! And these guys look hungry! [a pelican swoops in on them] Look out! [Everyone ducks but the pelican knocks Patrick to the edge of the cliff and he grabs on. He looks down to see rocky stalagmites]
Squidward: Nice. So this is what teamwork gets you.
Mr. Krabs: Here. Take Squidward, you vile beasts!
Patrick: I wanna be on a new team. This one's broken. [SpongeBob pulls Patrick up]
SpongeBob: Sandy, you're smart. [goes over to Sandy] You have any ideas?
Sandy: I ain't been too smart since I found this old piece of paper! [gets out the torn book page and slams it down]
[Plankton emerges from SpongeBob's sock again, laughs evilly and hides back in]
Mr. Krabs: Incoming!
SpongeBob:[his body hides in his pants and pops out] Wait a minute! [he jumps and plucks a feather from a passing pelican and lands] Now all we need is some ink... [Squidward inks off-screen] Oh, which Squidward has helpfully provided.
Squidward:[everyone backs away from Squidward. The three friends' faces show intrigued disgust] [embarrassed] It happens when I'm nervous. [SpongeBob dips the feather in Squidward's ink]
Mr. Krabs: Whatever you're gonna do, make it quick! They're closing in on us! [SpongeBob starts writing on the paper]
SpongeBob: I'm gonna write us an ending. [a pelican squawks in Patrick's face]
Patrick: Will it be a happy ending?
SpongeBob: It's gonna be super-powered! [jabs his feather pen on the page and they return to Burger Beard's food truck, except for Plankton who was left behind]
Plankton:[he lifts up the pen and laughs evilly] I'll show you a happy ending. [starts to write on the page, then the scene cuts back to Burger Beard's food truck. There, people grab the Krabby Patties left on a plate. They give Burger Beard lots and lots of money, and he grabs it and returns with more Krabby Patties. Burger Beard then stuffs more money in the cash register. A boy looks from behind and saw SpongeBob and his gang appear from thin air. They are now human-sized and buffed out. They are a team of superheroes!]
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness:[lands on a table and flattens it] Da-da-da-daa!
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness: Huh? [looks at SpongeBob and then turns around. They glare at Burger Beard.] Hey, I got feet!
Customer:[looks at his Krabby Patty] Ugh... what is in these things? [looks at customer beside him. He shrugs.]
SpongeBob/Incvincibubble:[SpongeBob and the rest walks towards Burger Beard's food truck] We'll take one secret formula... [camera zooms towards SpongeBob's face] ...to go. [Burger Beard turns around and saw SpongeBob and his eyes widened. He walks towards the counter of his food truck] Clear the area, citizens. There is going to be some serious... [smacks his fists together] ...aft-kicking here. [customer takes his phone and snaps a picture of SpongeBob]
Burger Beard: But... I banished you.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Sour Note? [Sour Note takes out his clarinet and extends it. He took a big deep breath and then blows his clarinet, playing horrible music, causing Burger Beard's customers to cover their ears and run away]
Kyle: My tiny little eardrums!
Burger Beard:[as customers run away] Hey, hey, wait! Hold on! Hold on! Wait! Wait! Customers! WAIT PLEASE![angered, he walks toward SpongeBob and the others]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Mr. Superawesomeness, take him down.
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness:[Patrick scrunches his face and ice cream cones are yanked from beachgoers. In a dramatic gesture, he grabs the cones and holds them up. As the sky darkens and lightning strikes, Burger Beard holds up a pink umbrella. Suddenly, Patrick smiles and licks the ice cream] Mmmmmmm! [giggles]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Uhh, Maybe we should have picked a better superpower for you, Patrick. [Burger Beard walks over to get his book and Patrick finishes the ice cream cones and licks his hands]
Burger Beard: Let's see you get out of this one! [he prepares to write in the book, SpongeBob gasps in shock]
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot: Ka-ching! [he launches his claw at Burger Beard's arm, as he starts to write, Mr. Krabs launches his other claw at Burger Beard's other arm]
SpongeBob/Invinibubble: Get ready for the Invincibubble! [he blows a bubble which engulfs the book and floats away from Burger Beard]
Burger Beard:NO! My book!
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: All right, team. Time for hands in the middle!
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot: Yes! Huh? [sees that he doesn't have his claw] Oh yeah. [he retracts his claw and Burger Beard frees himself and escapes]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Great job, guys, we did it! [Everyone joins hands when a giant squirrel's paw gets in and everyone breaks and says "Ew!"]
Patrick: Huh? [Sandy's a giant real-life squirrel superhero]
Sandy/The Rodent: What? [she scratches her face]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Sandy? Is that you?
Sandy/The Rodent: You can call me The Rodent! Hi-yah! [makes karate poses]
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness : Hey. Where'd the pirate go?
Squidward/Sour Note:[SpongeBob walks forward] Hmm. Uh... [SpongeBob finds a grease trail on the ground and he tastes the grease. He then smacks his lips]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Hmm. It looks like Burger Beard forgot the first rule of mobile fry-cooking: Always batten down your grease traps.
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot: Follow that grease, team! [he leaps in the air and his lower body transforms into a jet cycle. He speeds off down the road.]
[Sandy carrying Squidward like a horse scampers through a market, and Squidward strikes a cowboy pose. Burger Beard's ship peals through downtown with him at the wheel.]
Burger Beard:[through his spyglass, he notices his book floating in the bubble] There she blows. [laughs evilly.]
[Patrick surfs on SpongeBob's back as he propels them with bubbles, swooping and turning in pursuit of Burger Beard. They pass Sandy, Squidward and Mr. Krabs. Burger Beard sees the group gaining on him in his side view mirror that reads "OBJECTS APPEARING CLOSER THAN YOU THINK". He hauls down the four sails and takes off. The ship goes airborne for a second, just missing a sports car. Mr. Krabs skids around the car in hot pursuit. As Burger Beard steers crazily down the street, SpongeBob takes in a chest full of air for a burst of bubbles, and the others follow. Patrick tries to grab the ship's side.]
Burger Beard:[As Patrick tries to grab the ship.] Oh no, you don't. [tries to steer away, but Patrick manages to grab the ship, knocking off SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Whoa! [Blowing more bubbles, he propels himself into the crow's nest, hitting his head. As he falls, he grabs Patrick's trunks, pulling them down to his butt crack and screams. Burger Beard releases the anchor knocking SpongeBob and Patrick off the ship and they crash into the others, Burger Beard laughs evilly and then goes after the book in the bubble and then the camera pans to show Mr. Krabs and the others grabbing onto the anchor] HE'S AFTER THE BOOK! Sandy, use your squirrel powers!
Sandy/The Rodent: Roger that! [she walks on the chain towards the ship]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Oh, she's never gonna make it! [sees a fish structure coming up and gets an idea] Huh? Everyone lean! [they all lean over to the fish statue where they hook the anchor onto it and the ship stops in its tracks and Sandy falls off, the scene changes to three seagulls eating popcorn wearing 3D glasses, as if it were some sort of superhero movie.]
Andy: That's what you get.
Burger Beard:[after the ship slows down, he laughs and sees the book coming towards him and reaches over to grab it] Come here.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: The book! Sour Note! [Squidward blows on his clarinet popping the bubble and the book falls below deck on the open grill. Squidward falls down out of breath. Burger Beard jumps down, just in time to see the book burst into flames and is destroyed forever.]
Burger Beard:[He screams and faces SpongeBob and his friends with a furious expression.]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: All right, Burger Beard, prepare to be teamworked!
Burger Beard: I'm going to scrub my armpits with you.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Uh, I don't get it.
Squidward/Sour Note: Because you're a sponge.
Burger Beard: Duh.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Oh. Get him, The Rodent!
Sandy/The Rodent: Consider him roasted! [she buries her face in a Mr. Nutter peanut cart. People scream in terror at the sight of the giant mutant squirrel and Sandy gathers a bunch of peanuts in her mouth and starts spitting them at Burger Beard who dodges the peanuts] Huh? [spits out more peanuts like a machine gun and Burger Beard smacks them away with a spatula. She ran out of nut ammo] Aw, nuts, I'm all out of nuts! [Burger Beard now on the top of the ship laughs mockingly]
Patrick/Mr. Suerawesomenesss: Justice is best...soft served. [scrunches his face and ice cream cones are yanked from people on the street, and through the window of a nearby ice cream store. He points his arm, directing the cones in the direction of Burger Beard.]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Patrick, I should have never doubted your powers!
[laughing evilly, Burger Beard swings on a rope and the cones follow. He then points his finger, redirecting the cones straight back into Patrick]
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness:[he is hit with cones from all directions. He falls on his back.] I can't think of a sweeter way to go. [Patrick faints]
Burger Beard:[taunts SpongeBob with the formula bottle] Ha! It's all MINE! [SpongeBob stares at him with an angry expression]
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot: Not so fast, Booger Beard! [fires both his claws at Burger Beard's mast, which snaps beneath him, and crashes on the street. Burger Beard falls to the deck of the ship, dropping the formula bottle, which rolls to the street.] Me formuler. [reaches over to grab the bottle] Huh?
Burger Beard:[holding a butter cannon aimed at Mr. Krabs] This will make you feel a little butter.
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot:[gasps] Not melted butter! [Burger Beard fires the butter cannon at Mr. Krabs sending him flying.]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Mr. Krabs! [notices the bottle on the street. As he turns to pick it up, Burger Beard aims all his cannons at him.]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Uh-oh. [he sheepishly sets the formula on the ground and Burger Beard starts firing the cannons at SpongeBob who dodges them until SpongeBob catches a cannon ball in a bubble] Huh? [he starts capturing other cannon balls coming his way. Burger Beard watches fascinated. He fires one last cannonball]
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness:[he is seen eating an ice cream cone when he sees a cannon ball float over his face] They're beautiful. [he pops the bubble and the cannon ball lands right on his face]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble:[distracted] Patrick! [Burger Beard fires another cannon ball at SpongeBob's face, knocking him backwards. He is seen laying on his back, in the middle of the street.]
Burger Beard:[Burger Beard laughs because he won the battle as the other cannon balls land on the ground and he grabs the formula bottle]
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness:[rushes over to the defeated SpongeBob] SpongeBob!
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness: Talk to me, buddy.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: I'm... I'm seeing a bright light.
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness:[blocks the sun from SpongeBob's eyes] Is this better?
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Much. Thank you. But the discomfort I feel in my eyes is nothing compared to the shame I feel for letting down the Patty. For letting down Bikini Bottom.
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness: Yeah, SpongeBob, you really blew it.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: No, Patrick, we blew it, as a team.
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness: Nope, this one's on you.
Plankton:[as Burger Beard starts his pirate ship] Where do you think you're going?
Burger Beard:[he laughs at Plankton's small stature] Why don't you get going, little fella, before you hurt yourself?
[Plankton slides out of view, then he begins to lift the pirate ship. He is now a muscular giant.]
Plankton/Plank-ton: It's Plank-Ton! [to Burger Beard] Come on down from there, little fella. You wouldn't wanna get hurt. Huh? [Burger Beard climbs inside his ship and Plankton growls and he throws the ship into the air, catches it and spins it on his finger like a basketball and he pokes his head into a porthole of the ship] Come out, come out wherever you are. Huh? [Burger Beard squirts ketchup in Plankton's face]YAAAAAHHH! MY EYE!![he drops the pirate ship. It crashes into the street and Burger Beard climbs out and runs away]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: He's getting away!
Plankton/Plank-ton:[he jumps over to the ship] Ready for a Plank-Ton of bubbles? [SpongeBob smiles at the idea. Plank-ton picks him up by SpongeBob's legs, takes a deep breath and blows into SpongeBob's bubble wand creating lots of bubbles coming after Burger Beard]
[The bubbles clear to show Plankton holding Burger Beard in his fingers and he tries to run]
Plankton/Plank-ton: The formula, please.
Burger Beard: Come on. Team up with me. We'll be rich and powerful! Huh?
Plankton/Plank-ton: No, thanks. I'm already part of a teamwork. [Burger Beard gives Plankton the formula and he kicks Burger Beard back to Bikini Atoll where he his body is buried in the sand. He mutters nonsense. Now SpongeBob and his friends race on the beach, about to end their adventure and head back home to Bikini Bottom]
Patrick/Mr. Superawesomeness: Can we do hands in the middle again?
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Yes, we can, Patrick. But this time there's one more hand to go in the middle. [everyone places their hands on top of each other's] Plankton?
Plankton/Plank-ton:[gazing at the formula] Hmm.
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot:[gasps] Oh, no. [starts to whimper]
Plankton/Plank-ton:[dangling the formula near Mr. Krabs] Here you go, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot: Huh?
Plankton/Plank-ton: She's all yours.
Mr. Krabs/Sir Pinch-a-lot: This doesn't have another insulting note in it, does it?
Plankton/Plank-ton: No, that's the old me. The one who turned his back on everything important just to have that formula all to himself. But I realize now that keeping something to myself is... [he hesitates]...selfish.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Especially when that something is the Krabby Patty. Okay, everybody, let's get back to Bikini Bottom and... [sees that he doesn't have the page and gasps] Oh, no! I don't have the page!
Sandy/The Rodent: Oh, no!
SpongeBob/Invincibubble:[Mr. Krabs gasps] It must be back on Pelican Island!
Plankton/Plank-ton: Don't worry. I thought of everything. [gets out the page and gives it to SpongeBob as the token for he and his friends so they can get home] All right, SpongeBob, take us home.
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Thanks. Squidward!
Squidward/Sour Note: Oh, yeah. [He is seen flexing and becoming muscular]
SpongeBob/Invincibubble: Come on, it's time to go back and open up The Krusty Krab!
Squidward/Sour Note: Are you out of your patty-flipping mind? [Grabs SpongeBob by the collar] I'll never leave this place! I mean, look at me. I'm a god!
SpongeBob/Invinibubble: No, Squidward, you're a cashier. [writes "And out heroes returned to The Krusty Krab."]
Squidward/Sour Note: Wait a minute! What? NOOOOOO!!!!!![the page's magic sends him back to his post at The Krusty Krab and sighs] Well, it was fun while it lasted. [everyone else reappears, back to normal]
SpongeBob: Don't be sad, Squidward. I left you a little surprise under your shirt!
Squidward:[he lifts up his shirt to show that he has...] Rock-hard abs! [puts his shirt down then playfully punches SpongeBob's arm] Aw, SpongeBob, you're okay in my book.
SpongeBob: Aw, shucks.
Scooter: Excuse us! We'd like 3,000 Krabby Patties Please!
[the scene cuts to the outside if the restaurant where the entire town has gathered for Krabby Patties and Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into dollar signs]
Squidward: That sound must mean things are back to normal.
SpongeBob:[walks out with a huge platter of Krabby Patties] Who wants 3,000 Krabby Patties? [the crowd cheers and he hands Gary the first Krabby Patty] First one's for you, Gary. Extra mayo, just the way you like it.
Gary:[meowing "Thank you, SpongeBob!"][he takes the Krabby Patty in his mouth]
SpongeBob: A-ha! Caught you red-handed! Gary hates mayo! [opens up Gary's shell to show Plankton inside and takes the Krabby Patty out of the fake Gary's mouth] Plankton!! Up to your old tricks again already, eh?
Plankton: Hey, I'm just putting things back the way they were.
SpongeBob: What do you have to say about this, Gary? [The Real Gary]
Plankton:[Gary roars ferociously] Oh, shrimp. [he screams as Gary chases him out of the restaurant slowly]
SpongeBob: See you later, te-am-mate! [waves Plankton good-bye]
[the Squidasaurus tries to eat a Krabby Patty, but he can't reach his mouth due to his short arms]
[back on Bikini Atoll, a seagull puts Burger Beard's hat on his head]
Seagull: Now can we sing it?
[the seagulls start pleading]
Kyle: Pwease, Mr. Piwate?
Burger Beard: Oh, Kyle... How can I say no to you? [a seagull places a picture frame in front of Burger Beard] Are you ready, kids?!
Seagulls: Aye-aye, Captain.
Burger Beard: Uh, what did you say? There's sand in my ears and I can't hear you!
Seagulls: Aye-aye, Captain!
[they all start singing the SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song as the scene becomes animated]
Bubbles: Stop it. That's enough! [appears in the scene]SILENCE!!!!!
Seagull: Oh, man. I like that song. What happened?
Bubbles: I don't like that song and I put an end to it.
Seagull: Well, this music is terrible.
Bubbles: I suppose you're entitled to your...[Bubbles starts a Rap Battle with the seagulls] Wait! Why am I talking to you?
[Bubbles holds a trash can lid with trash on it and he grabs a Krabby Patty that fell off a building then a TV falls on the beach showing a scene from the show's opening, then Bubbles blasts a seagull with his blowhole laser and a stamp that reads "CENSORED" appears in front of the seagull's mouth and a cloud blows the seagulls away and Bubbles' blowhole explodes and he is shown literally staring blankly into space and cries and Painty complained that they're making the movie too long and the seagull asks Bubbles to take them back in time so they can finish their song which concludes with the camera zooming out to show a couple of whales emerging from the water and hillbillies with banjos on elephants and an biplane passes with a banner that reads "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS"]
Bubbles: That was pretty good actually.
[the real credits start to roll with SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Pearl, Larry, Mrs. Puff, Sandy and Squidward walking in a conga line to the song Squeeze Me]
Patrick: Oh, yeah, sorry! [he catches up with SpongeBob]
Pearl: This dance is so last year.
[Mr. Krabs takes Patrick's wallet and Patrick's shorts fall down, pockets the cash and throws the wallet at Mrs. Puff which makes her bloat and the conga line continues with Patrick's shorts around his ankles]
Squidward: You know what this needs? A little interpretive dance! [he does the dance move as seen in Culture Shock]
[The songs "Patrick Star" and "Sandy Squirrel" by N.E.R.D. are playing and credits closes with Gary chasing Plankton slowly and the 2013 Paramount Pictures Logo appears and then fades out]