[The episode begins with Gumball playing a video game at Funland, and he starts panicking. Darwin attempts to comfort him.]
Darwin: Dude, chill out. It’s only a game!
Gumball: You don’t understand, man. I’ve never got this far before. Look how much I’m sweating.
Darwin: Stop it! You’ll electrocute yourself!
Game: Round complete!
Gumball: Oh, I can’t beat the final boss man! I’m weak.
Darwin: You’re not weak. You just lack upper-body strength, lower-body strength, and mental strength.
Gumball: Slap me. [Darwin slaps him] Harder. [Darwin slaps him again] Ow! Softer. [Darwin rubs Gumball's face] Okay, maybe somewhere in between. [Darwin slaps him once more]
Gumball: That was exactly right.
Darwin: Come on. You can win this by the power of… button mashing!
[Gumball hits all the buttons repeatedly very fast, making him beat the boss easily.]
Game: You win!
Gumball: Dude, what’s the point in learning all these combos if all you need is button mashing?
Darwin: Who cares? Top score!
Gumball: Aw, man. it’s only three letters in the top score. Mm, what do I go with - “GUM” or “BAL”?
Darwin: Maybe go with the least dumb-sounding.
Gumball: You’re right.
Gumball: Let’s go with “BAL”.
Darwin: No. Wait. Why don’t you use your real name instead of your nickname?
Gumball: Great idea! Wait. What is it?
Darwin: What do you mean, “what is it”? What kind of guy doesn’t know his own name?
Gumball: You don’t know it, either, do you?
Gumball: Then this shall be my quest. I will find out that name. I will stop at nothing! I will leave no stone unturned! I will climb the highest mountain, explore every island, search every cave! I will question every man, woman and animal! Fight a bear if I have to! I’ll wear shorts! I’ll milk a fish! I’ll shave a baby!
Darwin: Climb a rainbow!
Gumball: No, that would be ridiculous. But I will lick an owl! I will wrestle a senior citizen in jello!
[Watterson house, Gumball is still speaking]
Gumball: I’ll kick a crab in the face! And I’ll steal a watch from a ghost! I’ll eat a beard! I’ll marinate a plumber! And when they write about me in history books, they will say, “He did what had to be done to find out his real name".
Banana Joe: Oh. [to Jamie]: Gumball’s called "Zach" now.
Banana Joe: Yeah. Good point.
Gumball: Hey, coach, great game last night!
Coach: You’re not on the team, Watterson. [Gumball takes the ball from her and attempts to dribble it, but ends up hitting Juke]
Gumball: Go, Elmore ducks! Whoo-o-o-o-o! [carted away by Darwin] Hey Carrie, I think we really nailed the song last night. We’re totally gonna win the battle of the bands, man.
Carrie: You’re not in a band. I’m not in a band. I bet you can’t even give me the name of a band.
Gumball: Psch, yeah, like… Germany.
Darwin: Whoo! [carts Gumball away]
[At the cafeteria, Gumball skates past the tables and grabs a an apple, taking a bite of it and then tossing it away]
Banana Joe: Hey, that’s my cousin! [Banana Joe's cousin cries]
[At the school courtyard, Jamie and Tina are playing basketball, until Gumball swipes the ball and attempts to shoot it into the basket, but misses and hits a car]
Gumball: Touchdown! Whoo!
[Gumball skates into the school hallway, and kicks his board, which knocks out Mr. Small]
Gumball: Watch out, world! There’s a new cat in town! And he’s called… [slides across the pavement] Zach!
[The school bell rings and students start exiting the school.]
Gumball: School’s over already?
Darwin: Yeah, and you spent the whole day with one eyebrow raised, behaving like a horrible jerk. Are you all right?
Gumball: Oh, Zach is fine.
Darwin: Are you sure?’ Cause Zach is kind of digesting part of an apple kid’s face right now.
Gumball: That’s cause Zach does what he wants.
Darwin: Sorry, but who exactly is this Zach? I thought he’d be like Gumball but with a shorter name.
Gumball: No! Gumball’s a loser. Zach is the man. Zach doesn’t ask. [Licks Sarah] He takes.
Darwin: Ugh! Dude, what are you doing?!
Gumball: Zach doesn’t have to explain himself because he smells so good.
Darwin: Zach, listen to me.
Gumball: Zach doesn’t listen. He hears.
Darwin: That’s the same thing!
Gumball: Oh, wait. What was that? I’m afraid I can’t listen you.
Gumball: Walk with me. See, Zach doesn’t wait for doors to open. He punches right through them.
[Gumball punches the doors, but they open before he hits them. After a while he gets frustrated and stops.]
Gumball: Metaphorically, of course. [enters the store] See, here’s another example. Zach doesn’t waste his time. He goes straight to the point. [Zach starts cutting in line] Make way, losers. I’m more important than you.
[Red Construction Man stops Zach]
Gumball: You think that’ll stop Zach? Well, Zach is like water. He always finds a way.
Red Construction Man: [Zach goes through the man's clothes] Oh! Ah! Ooh!
Darwin: [follows Zach to the front of the line] You do realize you’ve done all this, and you have nothing to buy, right?
Gumball: Yeah, that’s why you’re gonna stay here and hold my place.
Red Construction Man: Hey, kid, get in line like everyone else.
Lizard Woman: You’ve got three seconds to move, or I’ll bingo-wing you.
Marvin Finklehimer: Have you got no respect?!
Red Construction Man: Get to the back of the line!
Banana Bob: I’m screaming because they are! [throws objects at Darwin]
Darwin: Dude! Can you say sorry to these people before they get to the heavy items at the bottom of the cart?
Gumball: Zach doesn’t apologize. He uses his charm. Can you pay for this, buddy? Thank you.
Darwin: All right, you lovable rogue. Hey, wait! Where are you going?
Gumball: Zach doesn’t hang out with losers. He lives too fast. [Zach rapidly walks out of the store]
Darwin: No, wait!
[Darwin charges after Zach but gets bingo-winged by Lizard Woman.]