Richard, Anais, Gumball, Darwin and Nicole: Happy birthday!
[Granny Jojo with her son, and the rest of the Wattersons is shown sitting at the table with a cake]
Anais: Come on, Granny Jojo. Blow out your candles!
Gumball: Yeah. I prefer my face medium-rare, not charr-grilled.
Granny Jojo: Why are there so many candles? I'm only 63.
Anais: Sorry. We didn't know exactly how old you were, so we based it on looks. Do you need some help blowing them out?
Granny Jojo: Kid, I raised your dad by myself. It's not the first time I've had to put out a fire.
[Granny Jojo blows out all her candles with a powerful gust of her breath. Richard clears his throat and taps his glass]
Richard: I think it's time for a toast. [Eats literal toast] Thank you.
[Gumball, Darwin, Nicole and Anais clap]
Richard: And now for your birthday surprise.
[He grabs some papers]
Richard: The alphabet of my mom. "A" is for "Amazing" 'cause that's what you are. "B" is for "Breakfast", one of my twelve favorite mealtimes and because you're amazing, mom. "C" is for…
[He continues talking]
Granny Jojo: Nicole, I just wanted to say that you look really average today.
Nicole: Oh Yeah!? Well you look like someone drew an ugly face on a butt with a-wait, what? Did you jet say "Average"? That's gotta be the least offensive thing you've ever said to me. You need to lie down…
Gumball: Yeah, and you gave us real candy instead of your expired fungus medication-
Darwin: And your face looks wrong. It's like your mouth is upside down-
Anais: It's almost as if you're…smiling.
Richard: …why? Because I like them. And "Z" is for "Zebra", an amazing mythical creature. But not as amazing as you, mom.
Granny Jojo: Thank you, Richard. Like every year, that was a nice surprise. And while we're on the topic, I also have a surprise for all of you.
[The doorbell rings. Richard answers the door]
Richard: Sorry sir, we already got a surprise here. We don't need anymore.
Louie: Nice to meet you-
[Richard slams the door, unintentionally in Louie's face. His outstretched arm sticks out through the door. Granny Jojo opens the door this time]
Granny Jojo: This is Louie, he's my boyfriend.
[She and Louie kiss for a long time, grossing Richard out. After they finish, they kiss again. This time, Richard faints]
[They are all back at the table. Louie whispers something to Granny Jojo and she laughs. Her son watches angrily]
Richard: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SHARE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHARE IT WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY!
Granny Jojo: To be honest with you, I have no idea what he said. My hearing isn't what it used to be.
Louie: Me neither! I was just laughing, and hoping it wasn't a question.
Louie: We got so much in common.
Granny Jojo: Yeah, we're both falling apart.
[They laugh again. Louie kisses Granny Jojo, and grosses Richard out once more]
Richard: So, Louie. What career plans do you have?
Louie: Um, none.
Richard: HA HA! This guy has no prospects!
Louie: Actually, I'm retired.
Richard: Come on Nicole! Laugh at him with me.
[While he laughs, she face palms]
Richard: Come on kids! Say something mean and ironic about him.
[They shake their heads]
Richard: No? Fine, I'll do it myself. Where did you retire from? Santa's factory? Because you're small! [Laughs] Burn! [Laughs, then covers face] Why did you steal my mom!?
Darwin: Uh…is it me, or is the atmosphere a little-
[The atmospheric pressure literally becomes heavy, and they (Nicole, Darwin, Gumball and Anais) sag to the floor. Darwin falls into the floor]
Louie: Well, that was very nice. Catch you later, cotton tail.
[He kisses her goodbye, and heads out. As he gets out of the house, Richard points at him through the close door]
Richard: Get out of my house!
Gumball: Uh…he just did.
[He brings back Louie inside the house]
Richard: Now get out of my house!
Louie: You're the one who dragged me back here, son.
Richard: Call me son one more time! I dare you! I DOUBLE-DARE YOU! You MOTHER ROBBER! Kids, come over here.
[Gumball and Darwin come to him]
Richard: Okay, you grab this arm [Gumball takes his arm]. Now you take my leg. [Darwin takes it] LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM! You're walking in here, or you'll end up on a mobility scooter for the rest of your life! LET ME AT HIM!
[He breaks free from Gumball and Darwin's grip and smashes through the door. He sees Louie taking off in his mobility scooter]
Richard: That's right, faster! Faster, old man!
Louie: I'm trying! But this thing takes 20 minutes to go from 0 to 8 miles an hour.
[Richard grunts, and pushes Louie on his scooter away. Afterwards, he storms to Granny Jojo]
Richard: What is father gonna show when he comes back?
Granny Jojo, Anais, Gumball, Darwin and Nicole: Father?
Richard: Yeah. You said he left to buy some milk 42 years ago. He could be back in any minute!
Granny Jojo, Anais, Gumball, Darwin and Nicole: Uh-
Granny Jojo: Let me explain something-
Richard: No, let ME explain something. I don't want you to see that guy anymore!
Granny Jojo: Well, I don't think it's for you to decide, young man!
Richard: When you're under my roof, you follow my rules old lady!
Gumball: I don't think anyone should follow your twelve-times-a-day rule.
Granny Jojo: Richard, I'm old enough to make my own rules, and I'm seeing Louie TONIGHT!
Richard: Go to your room! YOU'RE Grounded!
Granny Jojo: You go to your room! YOU'RE Grounded!
Richard and Granny Jojo: FINE!
[They storm off from each other. The rest of the Wattersons watch awkwardly]
Gumball: How long before they realize neither of them went in the direction of a bedroom?
Granny Jojo: Hear him whisper in your ear: I love you, I love you-
Gumball: Fine! Fine! We'll do it! Just please stop talking.
[From the window, Louie's whistling can be heard. They see him with outside]
Louie: Is your grandma in?
Gumball: Yeah, she'll be right down.
[A rope made up of tied sheets is lowered]
Gumball: It's not long enough. What else can we use?
Granny Jojo: Kids, close your eyes.
[They do as she says. She takes something off. The rope suddenly lengthens. Granny Jojo's body is shown to be almost shapeless and saggy]
Darwin: Oh man! I can't believe how big granny's girdle is.
Gumball: I can't believe I'm touching it with my bare hands.
Anais: I can't believe I'm genetically predestined to wear one some day.
Granny Jojo: Okay, enough chit-chat. Help me up. I don't wanna break a leg before my hot date.
[They drop the rope, and try carrying her out the window]
Gumball: What the weight? How can someone so small be so heavy?
Granny Jojo: Well I have two metal hips, one orthopedic shoe, six gold teeth, a plate in my head, and an industrial-strength pacemaker. I got so much metal in me I'm legally classified as a motorized vehicle. Anyway, where's the rope?
[The rope is gone. Gumball turns to Anais]
Gumball: Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?
Anais: Didn't I tell you to tie the end to something?
Darwin: Didn't I tell you-
Gumball: Oh, sorry. My bad. I didn't tell anyone to tie it.
Gumball: Alright! So the plan is we knock over the DVDs, which sets off the mouse trap, which sends the golf ball up there, which sets off the dominos, which sets off the toy car, which will switch on the fan, which will send the turtle to the rope, which will bite it, dropping the desk, propelling Granny Jojo through the window and she uses her bloomers to land safely in Louie's arm. Everybody ready?
[He starts it. At first, his creation seems to works. Then in the end, it sends Granny Jojo smacking up against the ceiling instead of out the window]
Gumball: A man eats meat with his fingers. A man doesn't need to wash his pants to really stand up by themselves. A man scratches whatever part of his body he likes in public, and shows no shame! A man drinks straight from the milk carton. When he spills some on the floor, he cleans it with his sock. So, it'll be hard to figure out who of you two is the best man! But, we will give it our manly best. Gentlemen! Your first trial will be…hair-growing.
Louie: Oh, well I've won.
[Louie is seen to be very hairy]
Louie: Kid, I'm 72 years old. I need to shave 17 times a day. Just while you were talking, my nose hair reached my bottom lip.
Darwin: And the winner is Louie!
Richard: What!? What about my sole patch?
[Richard shows them a small patch of hair on his chin]
[Louie's hair grows to the point of covering his whole body]
Gumball: Next round: Man washing!
[Anais evaluates them washing themselves. Richard washes himself with his clothes on, and Anais is grossed out by his smell. Louie washes himself with a toothbrush. When Anais smells his breath, her head spins around, her ears pop off, and she melts]
Gumball: [Announcing] Man sitting!
[Louie and Richard sit on the couch. They spread their legs as wide as they can. Louie practically does a split while Richard falls on the ground]
Gumball: [Announcing] Man cooking!
[Louie cooks some meat, and Gumball eats it. He spits it out]
Gumball: Ugh, it's rare!
Louie: That's how a man eats.
Richard: That's not rare, this is!
[Richard tries to eat a live cow. It kicks him away]
Gumball: [Announcing] Man whistling!
[Louie does a whistle with his hand]
Richard: Ha! I could do it better with only one finger. [Chokes on finger]
Gumball: [Announcing] Man dancing!
[Richard dances to a radio, while Louie does nothing]
Gumball: That was a trick question. A real man doesn't dance.