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Stuart: (crossly) Sheldon, you are the most inconsiderate person I have ever met in my entire life. Where do you get off sending ME to shop with YOUR girlfriend?
Sheldon: (nervous) I don't understand. You were happy to do this when I hired you. Wh-why are you upset with me now?
Stuart: (calm) Oh, I'm not upset with you. But Amy is pretty bent out of shape, so she hired me to let you have it.
Sheldon: Well, I suppose turnabout is fair play
Stuart: (furious for Amy) YOU'RE DARN RIGHT IT'S FAIR PLAY, YOU SELFISH JERK!

Stuart: (holding a bouquet of flowers) Sheldon says he's sorry.
Amy: (crossly) Bernadette, I'll give you $5 to slam the door.
Stuart: (as the door closes) I would've done it for $3.

Beverly: I’m not surprised Leonard chose to avoid picking me up. He’s battled intimacy issues his whole life. Does he have difficulty maintaining erections?
Penny: (to herself) Wow. Didn’t even make it out of the parking lot. (to Beverly) Uh, you know what, enough about Leonard. Let’s talk about you. What would you like to do while you’re here?
Beverly: Dear, I’m a psychiatrist. You don’t have to avoid having intimate conversations with me.
Penny: Well, I’d actually like for us to be close, but maybe we start with our favorite books and work our way up to my husband’s sex organs.
Beverly: Very well. What’s the last book you read?
Penny: Uh, does Pottery Barn Spring count?
Beverly: Penny, it’s only natural to want your mother-in-law to like you, and I acknowledge I can be an intimidating person. So what can I do to make this process easier for you?
Penny: Uh, for starters, maybe you could not psychoanalyze everything I say?
Beverly: And how does it make you feel when I psychoanalyze everything you say?
Penny: Uncomfortable.
Beverly: That was a joke, dear.
Penny Oh, sorry. [Laughs.] Didn’t know you made those. Hey, listen, what if we have a little mother-in-law daughter-in-law dinner tonight?
Beverly: So just the two of us?
Penny: Or I invite a few girlfriends, ‘cause hearing you say “the two of us” just sent a chill down my spine.

Amy: You know, just when I think we’re making progress in our relationship, we revert to old patterns where thoughts and feelings get unexpressed. I mean, if he didn’t want to go shopping with me, why didn’t he just say so?
Beverly: Maybe he couldn’t get a word in edgewise.
Amy: I’m sorry, I’ve been going on and on.
Beverly: Oh, it’s all right, dear. Sheldon has a brilliant complicated mind. It’s understandable that being in a relationship with him could be trying.
Amy: I called him “babe” once. He asked me to get a drug test.
Beverly: Well, I admire your resolve. You’re an extraordinary woman.
Amy: Thank you.

Bernadette: Let’s get back to Penny. Hey, weren’t you telling me something great about your company car?
Penny: Um… it has seat warmers.

Penny: (Now really angry) Okay, you know what? This is ridiculous. (Now speaks to Beverly angrily) I’ve been trying to make a connection with you all day, and clearly I’m getting nowhere.
Beverly: Well, are you seeking a connection or just some form of validation?
Penny: What I was seeking was some sort of friendship. But at this point, I’ll take you not insulting me to my face.
Beverly: My intention was never to insult you.
Penny: You’ve been doing it all day! Do you even know what an insult is?!
Beverly: Well, it’s not a clinical term. But one example would be your marrying my son, and not inviting me or even telling me the wedding is taking place.
Penny: Okay that’s a good example.

(Later)

Penny:To be honest, I’m surprised you cared about the wedding at all.
Beverly: I’m still human, Penny. Not getting invited to my own son’s wedding is difficult to ignore.
Amy: I know how you feel. She didn’t invite any of us.
Penny: It was a spur of the moment!
Bernadette: But we did get to see a live stream of it on the Internet.
Beverly: I could have watched it on the Internet?
Penny: (To Bernadette, sarcastically) Thank you. (To Beverly) So if we would have asked you to come to Vegas to see us get married you would’ve come?
Beverly: No, I would’ve said you’re making a huge mistake. But an invitation would’ve been nice.
Penny: You really think we made a mistake?
Beverly: At the time I did, but I-I’ve never seen Leonard so happy, so…perhaps I was wrong.
Penny: Wow. Okay. Well, um, how about this? Maybe while, you’re still in town, Leonard and I could have another small ceremony. You know, if you’re interested.
Beverly: I would find that perfectly acceptable.
Penny: {gasps} She would find it perfectly acceptable! You guys saw it! We bonded!

Sheldon: Well, what a sad state of affairs! That you’ve all been so ground down by life, you don’t even notice when someone disrespects you. I can’t believe we’re gonna get beat up, and it’s not because of your chair. You know, right now, at the back of this line, there’s a movie fan like you who’s not going to get in, because this person simply doesn’t care. Yeah, well, sixty-one years ago, there was another person at the back of the line and her name was Rosa Parks.
Leonard: (To Raj) Okay, you may have to pretend you’re black to get us out of here.
Sheldon: Now. Let’s follow in that brave woman’s footsteps, and stand up for ourselves! And-and I realize she stood up by remaining seated, but now is not that time to enjoy the irony of that.