(Old Spock and Spock meet in the shuttle hangar)
Old Spock: Hello, Spock, nice to meet you. I'm you, thirty years older, from the future.
Spock: How did you get here?
Old Spock: Through a black hole. Listen, in 10 years, you'll fight against an evil Klingon named Klorol
Old Spock: And he'll swing his bat left to the right. So dodge left and you will avoid spending a week in the hospital.
Spock: Oh, thank you.
(Spock starts to walk away)
Old Spock: Oh, and also in about 7 years DJ Zemora will release a Greatest Hits album and it's awesome, so you should definitely get that.
Old Spock: But then 2 years after that they're going to release a DJ Zemora compilation album and even though it has a different cover it has all the same songs so DON'T buy it.
Spock: Alright. Not life threatening per se, but good to know.
(Then enters another Spock)
5 Minutes In The Future Spock: Do not go down that hallway!
Spock: Who are you?
5 Minutes In The Future Spock: I'm you 5 minutes in the future. 3 minutes from now Kirk is gonna drop a monumental deuce in the hallway bathroom.
5 Minutes In The Future Spock: And it's gonna smell really, really bad. Trust me. So...just maybe...take another hallway
Spock: OK. Thanks.
(A "female" Spock appears)
Sex Change Spock: Spock!
Spock: Who are you? My sister?
Sex Change Spock: No, I'm you Spock. 1 night 12 years from now you have one too many Zingaro shots, lose a bet, and get a sex change.
Spock: Why is Old Spock a man?
Old Spock: I change back. There are some problems with the equipment though. Not going to lie.
(A black Spock suddenly appears)
Black Spock: Hey Spock.
Spock: Don't tell me; You're me, from the future, but somehow I turn into an overweight black guy.
Ernie: Uh, no. I'm Ernie, just heading down the hallway. Live long and bite me. (gives him the finger and walks away) (Off-screen) Damn! Someone set their phasers to stink!
Spock: I don't understand. Why are all you Spocks meeting me at this exact moment?
Old Spock: Didn't you get the note? It's all of our birthdays. We're throwing a surprise birthday party for Super Old Spock. He turns 2000 years old today and this was the best place we could all meet up. Are all the other Spocks ready?
Other Spocks: Ready!
The other Spocks hide and the lights turn off. Then enters Super Old Spock.
Super Old Spock: Seems so illogical to travel through time to this location.
Spocks: Happy birthday!
Super Old Spock gets shocked which is probably too much for his heart and clings to his chest. The Spocks then start to dance.
A Spock: Go Spock, it's your birthday. It is the day of your birth.
(Several different TV shows are seen with a Vampire theme to them)
Announcer: By the year 2013, due to an insatiable desire of audiences everywhere almost every television show involved vampires.
(A graph is shown and says that non-Vampire shows get less viewers)
Announcer: And the ones that didn't failed miserably. Now, we offer you a glimpse of this very bloody future.
(A tall hospital building is seen as lightning occurs)
Nurse: This week on Vampire Medical.
(A patient with a gunshot wound in his chest is seen with two doctors and two nurses trying to save him)
Nurse: Gunshot wound. He's losing blood fast!
Vampire Medical Doctor: Let's get him a blood transfusion. Stat!
Nurse: We're all out of blood again, doctor.
Vampire Medical Doctor: Dammit! Who here keeps drinking all the blood?
(All three of the staff raise their hands)
Vampire Medical Doctor: Alright. We're probably gonna lose the man. Might as well get together and drink all of his blood.
(The four staff members increase their fangs and start eating through his stomach)
(A game show is seen in progress where the board says "I Want T_ Suck Y_ur Bl__d")
Contestant: Is it "I want to suck your c***"?
(The werewolf smacks himself knowing she's clearly stupid)
(A kid is seen being kidnapped by a sea creature)
Kid: Help!! Help me!!
Lifeguard #1: We've gotta save that kid.
Lifeguard #2: We can't! We'll be burned in the sunlight!
Lifeguard #3: I'm wearing SPF 100. I'll give it a shot!
(Lifeguard #3 steps away from the umbrella and struggles to get to the kid)
(She begins to burn from the sun)
Lifeguard #3: F***! (Lifeguard #3 falls to the sand in ashes)
Baseball Announcer: It's a 3 and 2 to Derek Jeter. Here's the pitch and it's a base hit straight up the middle, but Jeter trips on his cape. So does Rodriguez. Martinez runs to make what should be an easy stop but he trips on his cape too! Again the cape issue rears its ugly head in Major League Baseball.
(All of the baseball players seem to trip over their capes and fall to the ground)
(Martha Stewart is seen in a kitchen making a dinner for TV viewers)
Martha Stewart: It's literally impossible to make good pasta without garlic. But since I'm a vampire or whatever, I don't use garlic, because vampires don't use garlic, and my producer said I need to be a vampire. This-This is ridiculous. Do I really need to be a vampire?
Producer: Yeah, Martha. It's a network rule. Sorry, yeah it's a vampire.
Martha Stewart: Fine, I'm a stupid vampire. (Martha holds up her arms and increases her fangs)
(The members of REO Speedwagon are seen sitting together)
Announcer: Vampires are very big right now. Would you say REO Speedwagon are a lot like vampires? Ya know? cause you suck.
Neal Doughty: *sigh* Oh, great. Another ambush interview. *whistle* Hey! Bring the Speedwagon around! We're outta here!