[The episode begins with Sandy having a relaxing day at her treedome. When suddenly she hears a honking noise.]
[A package from above falls in front of her door.]
Sandy:[gasps] It's here! Yee-Haw! My newest science book has arrived! I wonder what new and fantastic area of science will be revealed to me this month! [Another rock bangs her head revealing bloomers in a balloon.] Oh, hey! It's those fancy bloomers I ordered too! This day keeps getting better! [She walks into treedome, sits at picnic table, opens box and reads her new book.] Ahh! Behavorial psychology is the study of people and their habits. I studied underwater chemistry, geology, and astronomy, but I never studied underwater people!
[The scene changes to Sandy riding on a bus. She turns on her recording device and begins analyzing.]
Sandy: Sandy Cheeks. Day one of behavioral study of subjects in Bikini Bottom. Initiating observations, [checks her watch] now!
[Sandy begins her observations as she looks carefully at the fish riding in the bus.]
Charlie: My mom says she wouldn't even try it. No matter how much I saw the lagoons.
Amanda's mother: My daughter Amanda is exactly the same. It's always an argument, but I've tried to...
[Sandy interrupts the conversation by sliding in between Fred and Charlie and begins observing.]
[Sandy holds out her microphone and SpongeBob and Patrick stopped moving around and went back to standing up straight like robot as they did before. She pulls the microphone back and they both start moving again.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: A+! A+! A+!
Sandy: Oh, forget it.
[The scene changes to Sandy looking at her book while SpongeBob and Patrick dance around inside SpongeBob's house.]
Sandy: When a subject is aware of being observed, it can affect his or her actions and create inaccurate data. Hmm...
[Sandy looks at SpongeBob and Patrick laughing through the window. They both slip inside the house quietly.]
Sandy: Double eureka!
Two Prospectors: That's our line!
[The scene changes to the Sandy inside the house with SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Sandy: Hey! Are you guys up for another experiment?
SpongeBob: Oh boy! Am I ever! Can you hook us up to electrodes? Or. Or expose us to gamma rays?
Sandy: It's a guaranteed A+.
Patrick: Oh! It's like a dream!
Sandy: Ok. First thing. Go to the beach and fill one bucket with white sand and one bucket with black sand. Can you do that?
SpongeBob: Easy sneezy!
[Patrick sneezes on SpongeBob. SpongeBob is covered in saliva and Patrick's brain is sticking out of Patrick's nostril. Patrick sniffs his brain back into his head.]
Sandy:[grossed out] Eew.
Patrick: Hey, yeah. Whatever he said.
Sandy: Then off you go.
[Sandy opens the door and SpongeBob and Patrick leaves the house.]
Sandy: Time to get to work.
[Sandy begins her working process by placing cameras in many parts of SpongeBob's house and hanging microphones on the ceiling. She puts a pair of headsets on Gary.]
[Sandy pushes Gary out of sight. SpongeBob and Patrick arrive with two buckets of white and black sand.]
SpongeBob: We're back!
Sandy: Good job, fellers!
Patrick: We're an awesome team!
SpongeBob: We sure are, buddy!
Sandy: Ok, team. For this experiment, I need you to count the grains of sand in each bucket. Then tell me if there are more black grains or more white grains. Or is it the same amount. Alright then. I have to run some errands, but I'll be back later. [walks out]
SpongeBob:[laughs] Aye-aye, Captain Sandy.
Sandy: Oh. And Patrick, you're in charge.
[Patrick's brain flips and Patrick is speechless. Sandy leaves the house. Outside, an ice cream truck called Pavlovi's Ice Cream was sitting near the house. Inside the truck, Sandy is secretly beginning her experiment with a computer system installed in the truck.]
Sandy:[snickers] All systems check.
SpongeBob: Well, let's get counting. Should we both count white sand and move onto the black sand or do you want to have your own bucket?
[While SpongeBob is talking, Patrick begins to think about what Sandy said before she left.]
Patrick:[thinking] I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge.
SpongeBob: So, what's it gonna be boss?
Patrick: Uh, the first one?
SpongeBob:[laughs] You're in charge.
[SpongeBob and Patrick sit on the floor. SpongeBob digs his hand in the bucket.]
Patrick:[thinking] I'm in charge.
[Patrick digs his hand in the bucket.]
Patrick:[thinking] I'm in charge.
Patrick:[thinking] I'm in charge. I'm in charge. I'm in charge.
[Patrick daydreams of owning his own company called Patrick Corps. and he is in charge as manager. Back in reality, SpongeBob is continuing counting the white sand.]
SpongeBob: Forty-seven. Forty-seven?
[Patrick wakes up from his daydream.]
Patrick: Uh. Huh? What?
SpongeBob: Huh. Lost you there for a bit. We were at forty-seven.
Patrick:[angry] I don't know if I wanna do it this way.
SpongeBob: Ok, boss man. How do you wanna do it?
Patrick: Uh... [thinks]
SpongeBob: How about you count the white and I count the black sand.
Patrick: Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotcha.
[Patrick switches buckets with SpongeBob and counts the grains of white sand.]
Patrick: Forty-eight, forty-... nine, [grabs a grain and looks closely at it] Oh! Oh, fifty!
SpongeBob:[starts counting the black sand] One, two, three, four, five. six,...
Both: Seven, eight, nine, ten.
[They both stop. SpongeBob smiles at Patrick and Patrick groans in frustration. Meanwhile outside, Sandy is preparing ice cream dishes she is about to use as part of her experiment.]
Sandy: Time to initiate the first variable. One big bowl. One small bowl. Exactly eight ounces per bowl. [puts on fake mustache and speaks through microphone] Free ice cream! Free ice cream! One day only! Get your free ice cream!
[SpongeBob and Patrick hears the ice cream truck outside.]
Patrick: Oh boy! Let's go!
SpongeBob: You're the boss!
[Squidward, who is reading a magazine, hears the truck as well.]
Sandy: Free ice cream!
Squidward: Oh my sea stars! Free ice cream!
Sandy:[in Italian accent] Hey, boys! How'd ya like a nice free bowl of tootsie frootsie ice cream?
[SpongeBob and Patrick jump in excitement.]
Sandy: Okie dokie!
[Sandy gives SpongeBob and Patrick the bowls of ice cream and they head back in the House. Squidward comes up to the truck.]
Squidward: One free ice cream, please?
Sandy:[stunned] All sold out. Maybe I'll get some later.
[Sandy closes the awning on Squidward's nose. Squidward pulls his nose out and walks back to his house, grumbling. Inside SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting on the sofa holding their bowls.]
Patrick: Um. Uh. Your.. your bowl is bigger!
SpongeBob: Do you wanna trade?
[SpongeBob and Patrick trade their bowls. Patrick's bowl only has a small amount of ice cream in it. Patrick looks at the bowl and sees SpongeBob has more ice cream in it.]
Patrick: You got more ice cream!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I think your ice cream only looks smaller, but the bowl is big.
Patrick: Well, I wanna trade back!
[SpongeBob and Patrick trade their bowls again. But Patrick realizes that he has the small bowl again.]
Patrick: There's only one fair thing to do.
SpongeBob: What's that?
[Patrick grabs SpongeBob's bowl and he eats the ice cream from both big and small bowls.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, you call that fair?
[Patrick throws the bowls away.]
Patrick: I'm in charge!
SpongeBob: Uh... Oh. Yeah.
Sandy: Time for variable two. More free ice cream here! Now, with the same size cones!
Squidward: Huh? I just got my slippers on!
Sandy: Here ya go!
[Patrick grabs the cones before SpongeBob.]
Patrick: I'll take those my good man.
SpongeBob: But Patrick, I...
Patrick: I'm in charge.
[Squidward shows up.]
Squidward: One free cone, please?
Sandy: All gone!
[Sandy closes the awning on Squidward's hands. Squidward pulls his hands out and walks back to his house, grumbling.]
Squidward: For the love of Pete!
SpongeBob: Can I have my cone now? Can I have my cone now? Can I have my cone now? Can I have my cone now?
Patrick: Hmmm... [sits on SpongeBob's chair] Rub my feet first!
SpongeBob: Oh, come on!
Patrick: Who's in charge?
SpongeBob: Alright, I'll rub your feet.
[SpongeBob cringes when he sees how hideous Patrick's feet were, but he rubs them anyway. He then notices his cone is melting in Patrick's hand.]
SpongeBob: Hey! My ice cream is melted all over your hand!
SpongeBob: Patrick, you are making very poor choices!
Patrick: Don't you back-sass me! I'm in charge and you have to do what I say! Now, count that bucket of white sand.
SpongeBob: Alright, I will!
[The scene changes to SpongeBob counting the white sand while his cone is melting in Patrick's hand.]
SpongeBob: One-million eight hundred ninety-three thousand six hundred and one, One-million eight hundred ninety-three thousand six hundred and two, One-million eight hundred ninety-three thousand six hundred and three.
[SpongeBob's bucket is completely empty, but his ice cream cone is still melting.]
SpongeBob: Done! Now to count the black sand.
[Patrick selfishly kicks the bucket of black sand.]
Patrick: Oh, that's a pity.
[Patrick steps on the sand and swirls around together.]
Patrick: Looks like you'll have to start over.
SpongeBob: Aahh! [angry] Enjoying that ice cream, Patrick?
Patrick: Yes I am.
SpongeBob: Would you like sprinkles on it?
[SpongeBob puts a handful of white sand on Patrick's ice cream cone.]
[Patrick drops his cone on the sand and arrogantly eats SpongeBob's melted cone. SpongeBob becomes enraged at Patrick's selfish behavior as steam comes out of his holes. However, Sandy discovers what is happening during her experiment.]
Sandy: Jeepers! I didn't see that comin'!
[SpongeBob decides to leave his house but Patrick locks the door.]
Patrick: You're not leaving until I say so!
[SpongeBob and Patrick glare at each and begin circling around as they are ready to fight. Gary watches nervously at the confrontation.]
Sandy:[voiceover] Sandy to Gary! Sandy to Gary! How serious is the situation?
Sandy: Oh, I didn't think this all the way through! I've gotta shut this down!
[Sandy activates the emergency button and the siren goes off.]
[Squidward runs out.]
Squidward: I want my free...
[Sandy opens the door, which sends Squidward flying head first into the sand. Sandy races out of the truck and accidentally steps on Squidward. Squidward pops his head out of the sand.]
Sandy:[pulls on the door] Open the door! The experiment is over! [knocks on it] Open the door!
Patrick: You heard Sandy! Open the door!
SpongeBob: You open it!
Patrick: No, you open it!
SpongeBob: No, you open it!
[Sandy kicks the door open.]
Patrick: Mr. Pavlovi, tell SpongeBob to open the door!
Sandy:[takes off her fake moustache] It's me! Sandy!
[Patrick's anger disappears and his head pops in sudden realization.]
Sandy: The experiment is over!
SpongeBob: But we didn't even finish counting the sand!
Sandy: I didn't care about the sand! I just wanted to observe you acting naturally. So, I hid microphones and cameras around your house...
SpongeBob and Patrick: Cameras?
[SpongeBob and Patrick looks around and sees that Sandy was right. There were cameras and microphones hidden around the house. The stood straight like robots as they did at the beginning. SpongeBob then notices Gary wearing a pair of headsets and a camera on his shell, realizing that he was in on Sandy's experiment too.]
SpongeBob:[sadly] Et tu, Gary?
[Patrick, upon realizing that he got carried away with being in charge, breaks down in tears.]
Patrick: I was a monster! I deserve a Z-! [sobs]
SpongeBob: Aww, Patrick. Don't be so hard on yourself. It was the experiment's fault that you were such a jerk.
Patrick: I blame science! Stupid science!
Sandy: Everybody gets an A+ and ice cream!
SpongeBob: Oh yeah!
[Squidward steps out of the sand and hears laughter in SpongeBob's house. He steps in the house.]
Squidward: What is going on?
[Squidward sees SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and Gary incredibly full from eating ice cream.]
Squidward: I know it's a stupid question but is there any ice cream left?
Sandy:[groans] Sorry. We're all out.
Squidward: (starts a tantrum) You ate it all! You animals! You didn't even leave me one drop?! [picks up an empty ice cream container and looks in it] There's gotta be some left in here!
[Squidward looks through all the containers and starts crying. Sandy, SpongeBob, Gary, and Patrick leave.]
Sandy: Now, let the real experiment begin.
[Sandy pulls the pineapple costume off, revealing that it was a cage in disguise as SpongeBob's house. Squidward continues looking for ice cream in one of the containers.]
Squidward: Come on! Get in my mouth! No, this one's empty!
[The episode ends with Squidward in the cage crying for ice cream while SpongeBob, Sandy, Gary, and Patrick begin studying his behavior patterns.]