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"The Bone that Foam" Episode 4x16 / Production 4x10 Airdate: March 12, 2009 Written By: Elizabeth Benjamin Directed by: David Boreanaz Transcribed by: : lolies79

Disclaimer: The characters, plotlines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Hart Hanson, all rights reserved. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Hart Hanson or Fox.

(Crime scene - Two people are hanging on the side of a hot air balloon while the Pastor pronounces the wedding ceremony)

WEDDING GUESTS: We love you guys!

PASTOR RICK: Dale and Ellie met at base camp on Mt. Everest two years ago, so you know that they are comfortable with life's ups and downs. (Laughs) But know that your love will allow you to absorb these with new strength as you are joined for life in holy matrimony. Do you, Dale McGilliard, take Ellie Spiller to be your wife in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, till death do you part?

DALE: I do.

PASTOR RICK: And do you, Ellie, take Dale as your husband in...

ELLIE: I do, I do, I do.

PASTOR RICK: Then by the powers vested in me by the State of Maryland, I pronounce you man and wife. Kiss and take the plunge into married bliss. (Dale and Ellie jump of the balloon with a bungee rope and the see the human remains at the bottom of the gorge)

(Cut to - Later, Booth and Brennan arrive at the scene where a cop waits on them)

BOOTH: Well, my guess is that this is going to put a crimp in their wedding night.

BRENNAN: Why?

BOOTH: Oh, come on, I mean coming face-to-face with death like that, kind of kills the desire don't you think?

BRENNAN: I work with remains every day but if I'm sexuall attracted to someone I'm perfectly capable of engaging in spirited...

BOOTH: Okay. Okay. Okay, Bones, I get it. I'm just saying, you know what? You have to be kind of crazy to bungee jump. Watch yourself.

BRENNAN: I got it. It's perfectly safe.

BOOTH: Tell that to Captain Splat over here, huh?

COP: First bungee accident. I ever saw.

BOOTH: Probably because you're ten.

BRENNAN: This was no bungee accident. The victim is fairly well-dressed- tie, sport coat.

BOOTH: Definitely not bungee attire.

BRENNAN: And this compound tibial fracture- if he was still alive when he fell, the bone should have bled.

COP: Meaning...?

BRENNAN: Meaning someone threw him off the cliff after he was already dead.

BOOTH: Yeah, suspicious circumstances, foul play, dirty deeds- I think you get the point. Okay, let's get it back to Jeffersonian, Bones. Right? (They start to high five then stop midway)

BRENNAN: Oh. Gloves.

BOOTH: Right. Wrap that up, kid.

(Cut to - Jeffersonian lab - Autopsy room)

CAM: It took ten minutes to hike down to the foot of the cliff to find the body. Local fauna include a wide variety of birds, rodents and crabs- all of which have had a go at the remains.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Fascinating that one would risk intraocular hemorrhaging, peroneal nerve damage, not to mention quadriplegia, just to experience a simple beta-endorphin rush.

CAM: What fascinates me is that we've ruled out death by bungee and yet you remain fascinated.

ANGELA: (Angela arrives in the autopsy room)Okay, I'm ready to start the facial reconstruction. (She sees the remains) Gross. Wow, this isreally gross. I'm going to come back.

BRENNAN: Dental X-rays indicate the victim was undergoing dental restoration for abfraction lesions on his molars.

CAM: Heavy grinder. High stress job?

ANGELA: All right, well, I'll send pictures to Booth, see if he can check with local dentists.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Dr. Brennan, there is staining on this Le Fort 1 fracture.

BRENNAN: Hemorrhaging into the maxillary sinuses.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Classic punch in the nose at or around the time of death.

HODGINS: Which would be between two to five days ago.

CAM: This body's been dead more than five days, the tissue shows a much higher rate of decomp.

HODGINS: Yeah, I got late second instar Phormia regina and Chrysomya rufifacies. Which, I admit, seems weird, but my little squads of death don't lie.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: (Vincent sees that there's a lump in the skin that is moving) Forgive me, Doctors, but... is his skin moving?

CAM: Ohh, God, that's strange.

BRENNAN: Insect activity?

HODGINS: Never seen insects like that. Except in Alien.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I'm secreting adrenaline.

CAM: I guess we should see what's inside. (Cam takes a scalpel and cuts the skin where it was moving, green foam comes out of it)

HODGINS: Ohh, what the hell is that?

CAM: I have no idea. Everyone, away from the body! (Cam pushes a button that sends the lab in lockdown) We're in lockdown.

TITLES ACT 1

(Cut to - later, the remains are in a protective tube - the lab is still in lockdown)

BRENNAN: Do you have any idea what the foam is?

CAM: No idea at all. But we could be dealing with a poison, a virus, or a biotoxin. So no one touches or... sniffs it or anything else until we've run tests.

BRENNAN: This is a first for me. Perhaps if Mr. Nigel-Murray and I could examine the bones... (Cam stops working and looks blankly at Brennan) I'm annoying you.

CAM: Patience, Dr. Brennan. (The alarm stops) Curiosity killed the cat.

HODGINS: I'm running the bugs through the Mass Spec. I'm not getting any toxins, but they might not have fed on the remains yet. In other words, I need more samples.

BRENNAN: We all need more samples.

CAM: I know. I would just like us all to stay alive during the process.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: In 400 BC, Hypocrites declared that disease was not caused by demons.

HODGINS: Great, so we can rule out demons.

ANGELA: Alex Newcomb, 33. The FBI got an ID off his dentals. The dentist has the brother listed as the emergency contact.

CAM: Perhaps you should help Agent Booth question the victim's brother. I'll call when you can have access to the remains.

BRENNAN: Okay. (She leaves)

(Cut to - Jungle Jim car dealer)

BOOTH: (Booth and Brennan arrive on the scene) I thought the guy was dead.

BRENNAN: He is dead, but his skin was moving.

BOOTH: Wait a second. Moving skin on a dead guy?

BRENNAN: Yes. Then he started foaming.

BOOTH: Wait a second. Foaming? Okay, what would cause that? (They get out of the car and go in the building) Too much beer? Or maybe he ate soap?

BRENNAN: You should stop using cartoons as a scientific reference point.

BOOTH: Okay, you know the guy who owns this place, he has a monkey.

BRENNAN: Does he feel that a monkey will inspire me to buy a car?

BOOTH: Bones, it's marketing, okay. Look, hey, "We don't sell cars..."

MAUREEN PEROT: "We sell adventure!" So, what can the Mighty Mo put you in today? Mmm, you look like a sporty two-door man.

BRENNAN: Actually, he has a very nice car.

MAUREEN PEROT: Ooh, I'll say. That Sequoia's a honey.

BOOTH: Yeah, tell me about it.

MAUREEN PEROT: Roomy enough, you could have a Super Bowl party back there. What is that, GPS, side air bags.

BRENNAN: We're looking for...

MAUREEN PEROT: Such great gas mileage for, you know, a can-do machine. Are you looking to trade in?

BRENNAN: No, we're looking for...

MAUREEN PEROT: Because I can offer you a sweet deal from the heart of the jungle. (She roars Booth)

BRENNAN: We're here to see Chet Newcomb.

MAUREEN PEROT: Okay. Between us, as much as we all love Chet, as Bwana of the Month, I'm really in a better position to offer you a deal.So...

BOOTH: Right. And that'd be just great, Mighty Mo, if we were here to buy a car, but we're not. You know, FBI.

MAUREEN PEROT: Well, he's back there. (Boots roars her)

BOOTH: Thank you. What? She roared me first.

BRENNAN: Doesn't mean you have to roar her back. (Booth and Brennan go in Chet Newcomb's office)

JUNGLE JIM: The doctor said you have to take all of these on a full stomach.

CHET NEWCOMB: Desmo... Desmopress...

BRENNAN: Desmopressin? Do you have kidney problems?

CHET NEWCOMB: No, it's just a, uh, slight infection. Hi. Chet Newcomb. What can I do for you today?

BOOTH: Uh, with the FBI. I'd like to ask you a few questions, you know... in private.

CHET NEWCOMB: Oh. Uh, well, this is my wife, Vanessa.

BOOTH: How do you do, ma'am? Pleasure to meet you.

BOOTH: We just, uh, have to have a few words.

VANESSA NEWCOMB: Oh, well, I was just going. I have a fitting anyway- a client waiting on a bridesmaid's dress.

BRENNAN: Actually, you might want to stay. Booth has some bad news about your husband's brother. He may need consoling.

BOOTH: Bones...

BRENNAN: Wasn't that sensitive?

CHET NEWCOMB: What happened to my brother?

BOOTH: He was found at the base of a cliff at Whitney Cove.

VANESSA NEWCOMB: Oh, my God. I told him he that was crazy to try that bungee thing.

CHET NEWCOMB: There was an accident?

BRENNAN: No. He was... What's a sensitive way of saying murdered?

CHET NEWCOMB: Murdered?!

BOOTH: Sorry. When you're ready, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your brother.

CHET NEWCOMB: He was murdered?

BOOTH: Yeah, we're very sorry for your loss. Where was the last place your brother worked?

CHET NEWCOMB: Um, until a couple of weeks ago he worked... he worked here. Uh, then he left and he went to work for Criterion across the street.

BRENNAN: Can you think of anyone who wanted to do him harm?

VANESSA NEWCOMB: He was a car salesman.

CHET NEWCOMB: Jungle Jim and Alex got into it pretty bad when Alex quit.

BOOTH: Jungle Jim?

(Cut to - Jeffersonian lab - autopsy room)

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Perimortem fractures on the victim's parietal.

CAM: Cause of death?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: No, though, you know, might stun him for a moment. Is there any chance we can remove the remains from the iso-tank?

CAM: I can't get a definitive reading yet. I have organic matter, from the victim and numerous creatures that took a piece from him. I'm running another test for viruses that could've been transmitted from the animals.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Dr. Saroyan, uh, the bones- there's more foam.

CAM: Where?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Ooh, uh, it's spreading.

CAM: Originating from where?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: The Chinese throw away 900 billion chopsticks every year.

CAM: Any relevance whatsoever?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: No, no, none. It's, uh... I'm just...I'm a tad disoriented.

CAM: So when you spout facts, it's your way of maintaing focus.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Facts are the stitches that hold the fabric of existence together.

CAM: In that case, is it individual chopsticks or pairs?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Individual. The foam is coming from inside the bones themselves. Through the periosteum.

(Cut to - Jungle Jim car Dealer, head office)

JUNGLE JIM: Wow. Alex Newcomb. That's terrible.

BOOTH: Is that thing tame?

JUNGLE JIM: Bananas? Oh, he ain't flung poo since I bought him this hat. Alex. He was one ornery son of a bitch, but what a salesman.

BRENNAN: Why did he quit working here?

JUNGLE JIM: Oh, he didn't quit. I fired him. He was Bwana of the Month every month for over two years. The last two, he dropped to bwana number three. I told him if he didn't pick it up, we'd have to reduce his commissions. I mean, why pay top bwana money for a number three bwana?

BOOTH: And how did he react?

JUNGLE JIM: This is tough to talk about. It's just tough. He shoved Bananas off my shoulders. Just... shoved him. I've been waiting for an apology. I would've taken him back if he'd just apologized to Bananas.

BRENNAN: Apologize to a monkey?

JUNGLE JIM: He's got a heart just like you and me. I think it shows a basic lack of humanity to push a monkey. No wonder somebody killed him.

(Cut to - Criterion Cars)

HAL SHAZIRI: Alex shoved Jungle Jim's monkey?

BUDDY SHAZIRI: There's your motive. That man has an unnatural attachment to his monkey.

HAL SHAZIRI: Everyone knows you don't touch the monkey.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Everyone.

BRENNAN: We need some actual evidence.

BOOTH: Listen, what can you tell us about Alex?

HAL SHAZIRI: Alex was a very good salesman. You see, in the one month, he broke every sales record we had.

BOOTH: Buddy, is it? Looks like he took your spot.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Hey, family business, man. It's all good.

HAL SHAZIRI: My God, this is such tragedy. How did his, uh, brother take the news?

BOOTH: Oh, you, uh, you know Chet?

HAL SHAZIRI: Sure, Alex wanted me to hire him. But now I feel bad that I could not.

BRENNAN: Why couldn't you?

HAL SHAZIRI: The poor man is sick. I need a strong man to sell my cars.

BRENNAN: Why?

BOOTH: 'Cause you want to buy a car from a guy who's, you know, vital. Makes a... a man feel like, you know, he's on the winning team, makes a woman feel all protected and safe.

BRENNAN: That makes no sense.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: No, I believe he's correct.

HAL SHAZIRI: Mm-hmm, as do I, yeah.

BOOTH: Did Alex have any enemies?

HAL SHAZIRI: Lemon guy.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Lemon guy.

BRENNAN: Is that another car dealer?

HAL SHAZIRI: No. Angry customer took a golf club- Tah!- like that to Alex's windshield. Seven iron.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: No, it was a nine iron. Oh, yeah. He said Alex, uh, sold him a lemon car. Bashed in Alex's ride.

BRENNAN: Did Alex sell him a lemon?

HAL SHAZIRI: No way. We are a class act.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Yeah, that's simply not how we roll, man.

(Cut to - Jeffersonian Lab - autopsy room)

CAM: Every serologic and biologic diagnostic I've run comes up the same- no drugs, viruses, poisons.

HODGINS: Mine show no evidence of arsenic, ethylene glycol or cyanide. No signs of any toxins.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Then we could let him out?

CAM: Okay. But we proceed with extreme caution.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: In the Dark Ages, it was believed that holding wine in the mouth while breathing through the nose would prevent the plague.

HODGINS: That's the best idea I've heard today. Does it work with tequila? (Hodgins pokes the bone and more foam comes out)

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Uh-oh.

CAM: What?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: This bone is, um, it's gone quite soft. Gelatinous. I believe it's disintegrating.

HODGINS: We're losing our evidence?

CAM: How much time do we have?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Uh...

CAM: Tell me a little known fact.

HODGINS: What? Uh... okay. Did you know that the international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672?

CAM: Did you know that, Mr. Nigel-Murray?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I did not. I estimate that we are losing approximately 12% bone mass every hour. Which means...

CAM: We could lose our evidence long before we solve our murder.

ACT 2

(Cut to - Interrogation room, Brennan and Sweets are in the looking room))

BOOTH: (Booth swings a gold club) Nice grip on this iron. So, is this the type of club that you used to bash in Alex Newcomb's windshield?

LEMON GUY: Hey, this guy took my money. And when there was a problem, it was like I didn't even exist.

BOOTH: He's lucky the only thing you went after was his windshield.

BRENNAN: That isn't what Booth really thinks?

SWEETS: Uh, no, no. Booth sees that the man is humiliated and he displays empathy.

BRENNAN: So, lying.

SWEETS: Manipulating. Much like the car salesmen. I used to teach psychological techniques to car salesmen to make money for grad school. Not one of my finest moments.

LEMON GUY: A lemon is a car that craps out on you three months to a year after you buy it. I didn't get more than ten miles off that lot when the brakes failed. That's not a lemon; that's a death trap.

BOOTH: Yeah, you feared for your life.

LEMON GUY: No, not my life- my kid... who was in the backseat, four years old, he cracked a rib, he... ...hit his head, he got stitches.

BOOTH: Wow, I mean, you expect a car like that to be safe.

LEMON GUY: That's damn right.

BOOTH: Yeah, right? I got a kid. If someone endangered his life, I'd kill the guy.

LEMON GUY: Wait... Somebody killed this guy?

BOOTH: Killed him. Dead.

LEMON GUY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, look... I busted up his windshield, all right. I- I l-lost my temper. But there is no way I'm gonna let my kid live without a father.

BRENNAN: I want to do that.

SWEETS: Do what?

BRENNAN: Connect to people, like Booth does. You could teach me.

SWEETS: Oh, I don't know.

BRENNAN: In the spirit of scientific inquiry, I'd like to see if what you say about psychology is true.

SWEETS: Did you just dare me, Dr. Brennan?

(Cut to - Jeffersonian Lab, forensic platform)

HODGINS: Hey, got something. I found some particulates on our victim's clothing. Simmondsia chinensis, mica Red 7 Lake, And Fragaria anassa. Also known as Lust Dust.

CAM: Lust Dust?

HODGINS: On his pants. His, uh, lap. Strawberry body glitter. Such as might be utilized by a lap dancer? (Vincent and Cam suddenly get it)

CAM: Well, that's something I can tell Booth.

HODGINS: That makes me King of the Lab.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: A large percentage of the monarchy are actually mentally handicapped due to inbreeding.

HODGINS: Can't ruin it for me. King of the Lab!

(Cut to - Showgirls strip club)

BOOTH: Hey, Bones, look, this is the only strip club in proximity to Alex's home and work, all right. You know what; you didn't have to come inside with me.

BRENNAN: No, I look forward to observing your behavior.

BOOTH: My what?

BRENNAN: Sweets says you're manipulative. Like a salesman. I want to study your technique.

BOOTH: My technique? Wait, I'm gonna smack that guy.

BRENNAN: You put people at ease, get them to do your bidding. It's a very useful skill. One I wish my father had passed on to me.

BOOTH: All right, look, your father is a con man, I am not a con man. Let us just remember that. Okay, just watch. Don't say anything. Excuse me, ladies, uh, if I may, um, which one of you likes to use this stuff?

BRENNAN: It's strawberry Lust Dust.

STRAWBERRY LUST: Well, that would be me. Strawberry Lust.

BOOTH: Right. Strawberry Lust. The one and only. I'm sure you thought long and hard about that stage name, right?

BRENNAN: We'd like to speak with you in private.

BOOTH: No, not in private. I could just ask you a few questions here. All right, Bones, you know what? It's a little weird that you're here watching. Why don't you just go outside...

STRAWBERRY LUST: It's not weird, baby. Lots of people like to watch.

BRENNAN: Oh, thank you. I get tremendous satisfaction out of observing a whole variety of activities.

BOOTH: I'd just like to ask you a couple questions.

STRAWBERRY LUST: Your boyfriend's shy, isn't he? Sweet. That'll be 60 bucks.

BRENNAN: Okay, I got that.

BOOTH: Bones?

BRENNAN: Here you go.

STRAWBERRY LUST: Thanks. Hey, relax. She's going to be enjoying this, too.

BOOTH: Right, just... Whoa, all right.

STRAWBERRY LUST: Not so interested in talking now, are you, baby?

BRENNAN: You have excellent control of your hips.

STRAWBERRY LUST: So I've been told.

BOOTH: Wh... Um, Miss Lust, um, Miss Lust, actually, I'm with the, uh, FBI. I need to ask you, um... few question about maybe a client?

STRAWBERRY LUST: FBI? I'm a criminal science major at Georgetown.

BOOTH: Yeah, and yet, here you are, right? Working off student loans?

STRAWBERRY LUST: You know it. School's a fortune.

BRENNAN: Well, I think you will pay off your loans very quickly.

BOOTH: Bones?

BRENNAN: She's quite arousing, which I imagine translates into excellent tips.

BOOTH: All right, uh, Miss Lust, um, Alex Newcomb, um, Criterion Cars, uh, salesman. Uh, maybe a client of yours?

STRAWBERRY LUST: Yeah, sure, regular. What about him?

BOOTH: Well, we have evidence that you, um, gave him a lap dance on the night that he died.

STRAWBERRY LUST: Died? Whoa. Murdered?

BOOTH: Can you just answer the, uh...

STRAWBERRY LUST: Right, cooperate fully. I aced my freshman criminology class. Um, I gave him a couple of dances Thursday night. He was pretty drunk. Started a fight and Billy had to kick him out. Wait... wait a minute. Am I a suspect? Because all I do is gyrate and that never killed anyone.

BOOTH: Uh, did he get into a fight with one of the bouncers?

STRAWBERRY LUST: No, with another car salesman. You know, the Indian guy? Buddy.

BOOTH: From Criterion.

BRENNAN: He lied to you. You should go talk to Buddy.

BOOTH: Yes, I-I should.

BRENNAN: Then tell Miss Lust to get up.

STRAWBERRY LUST: I think that might be a little embarrassing right now, huh, baby?

BRENNAN: That's my gun. (To Brennan) Give us a minute?

BOOTH: (She sits back on her chair) Okay.

BOOTH: Outside.

BRENNAN: What's outside?

BOOTH: Can you go outside, please?

BRENNAN: Wh... Did we get our 60 dollar's worth yet?

(Cut to - Jeffersonian, Brennan's office. She and Sweets are sitting)

SWEETS: We'll start with a simple exercise um, to recognize emotions from facial expressions. Then I'll give you skills to deal with those emotions.

BRENNAN: Okay.

SWEETS: Okay, just give me a moment. (He turns around and makes a face) Okay.

BRENNAN: You're ill.

SWEETS: Ill? No, Dr. Brennan, no. Ill is not even an emotion. My brow is furrowed, mouth slightly open, eyes quizzical. I'm expressing confusion, and its corresponding vulnerability.

BRENNAN: What are you confused about?

SWEETS: That's not important at this point. Now it's just important to recognize that when someone is vulnerable, you have the opportunity to help them feel secure. Thereby gaining their trust and forming a relationship. Having this skill can, ahh, it can enrich all aspects of your life.

BRENNAN: And not just supply the world with dishonest car salesmen.

SWEETS: No.

SWEETS: Let's try another one. (He turns around again to make another face) Okay. (angrily) Okay!

BRENNAN: Wha... What is wrong? I... You are very intolerant, Sweets. I am doing the best that I can. Okay.

SWEETS: That's right, that's right, I was expressing anger. Excellent recognition. Very poor response to it, though.

BRENNAN: Should I have become physical?

SWEETS: No. Well, not if you're trying to establish an emotional connection.

BRENNAN: Do you think that Booth was trained like this?

SWEETS: Some people just have a natural ability. But, hey, hey, Dr. Brennan, you're a brilliant woman. And you'll get there, okay?

(Cut to - Jeffersonian, autopsy room)

HODGINS: Okay. The skull is melting.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: We can use this C- Ring magnifier to enlarge a greater area. (VNM turns on the magnifier and an explosion occurs on the body. All the lockdown alarms go on)

HODGINS: Whoa!

(Cam and Sweets join Hodgins and VNM)

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Well... Uh, the fire appears not to have damaged the remains.

BRENNAN: How did it start? (Hodgins and VNM both point to the body)

CAM: Oh, I see, so we're going with the old "blame the corpse" defense.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I just... I turned on the C-Ring magnifier, and then there was a little pop, and then...

HODGINS: Whoosh. Pop, whoosh.

BRENNAN: But if the light was the ignition source, that suggests the body was emitting some kind of gas.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Uh, diatomic gases emit a distinctive ultraviolet hue when they oxidize.

CAM: These remains were emitting hydrogen gas.

HODGINS: Not anymore- it all burned up.

BRENNAN: Whatever mysterious process is destroying these bones emits hydrogen gas as a by-product.


(Cut to - Criterion cars)

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Agent Booth... is it the FBI's intention to confiscate our automobile?

BOOTH: Oh, no, but, you know, I might be in the market to buy one, Mr. Shirazi.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Base price starts at $114,000, Agent Booth.

BOOTH: Family money. (Buddy hands Booth his card)

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Well, please, call me Buddy.

(Cut to - in the Audi car on a test drive)

BOOTH: Okay.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: 4.2 liter V8, carbon ceramic brakes with monobloc Brembo calipers.

BOOTH: Zero to 60?

BUDDY SHAZIRI: 4.6 seconds, but, uh... please, not during the test drive.

BOOTH: Right. You married, Buddy?

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Yes, indeed, bro. Four blissful years, but, uh, I know you must be a bachelor, because this car is for prowling.

BOOTH: That's right. I am a bachelor. I do like to prowl. I usually head over to that, uh... that strip club, uh, Imperial Showgirls over on, uh, Washtenaw. You know, where they have all that lap dancing.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: (Uncomfortably) I- I don't know that place.

BOOTH: No? (He slams on the gas)

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh, God, please...

BOOTH: Imperial Showgirls?

BUDDY SHAZIRI: Uh, did my wife send you? Okay, please, I implore you to slow down. Uh, the railway tracks.

BOOTH: What?

BUDDY SHAZIRI: The railway tracks are there, and you must please slow down to five miles an hour before we... okay What do you need to know?

BOOTH: You got into a fight with Alex Newcomb at Imperial Showgirls the night he was murdered. I want to know why.

BUDDY SHAZIRI: He stole a client from me. I punched him in the nose. Please, man, the tracks.

BOOTH: How do I know you're not lying?

BUDDY SHAZIRI: I'm not lying. I'm not lying, I swear. I'm not lying. I'm not a liar. The tracks! The tracks! The tracks! The tracks! The tracks! (Booth stop the car just short of the tracks and turns around) Thank you, Agent Booth. Thank you. Okay! We were both thrown out of the club. I foolishly drove home drunk, and I apologize. I won't do it again.

BOOTH: Okay, what did Newcomb do?

BUDDY SHAZIRI: I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait. He, uh... he took a cab. He told the driver to... to-to-to take him back to Jungle Jim's. He said to me, "Screw you and everyone who works at Criterion. I'm going to get my old job back."

BOOTH: Right. You know what; this baby definitely pulls to the right. You have alignment problems. You know what, I'm going to call my partner and get a ride back. (Booth gets out of the car)

(Cut to - Booth and Brennan on the phone, each in their office)

BRENNAN: Did you check with the taxi company?

BOOTH: Oh, yeah. Alex Newcomb took a taxi to Jungle Jim's that night, uh, and the cabbie said that he was intoxicated.

BRENNAN: Well, do you think that Newcomb was going to apologize to the monkey and get his job back?

BOOTH: Well, yeah, he definitely wanted to get the monkey off his back.

BRENNAN: But the monkey was on Jungle Jim's back.

BOOTH: Well, Alex felt guilty for leaving his brother all alone at Jungle Jim's.

BRENNAN: Oh, so Alex Newcomb's brother, Chet Newcomb, was the monkey on the back.

BOOTH: Oh, you know what, I am getting off that merry-go-round right now, Bones.

BRENNAN: Booth? Booth? (She arrives on the platform) Update?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I found perimortem Colles' fractures on both the right and left distal radii. Possibly from the breaking of a fall.

BRENNAN: Where?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Already dissolved.

BRENNAN: Any definite cause of death?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Oh, uh, areas on the left lateral thorax near the rib fractures show... (Vincent moves the camera to where it should be to see that it's gone) It's gone.

CAM: More evidence is gone?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: The rate of dissolution is accelerating.

CAM: Are you hearing this, Dr. Hodgins?

BRENNAN: We're losing the bones. We have to figure a way to arrest the destruction of...

HODGINS: Ion chromatography takes time.

CAM: Yeah, let's give him a little space.

BRENNAN: Okay, so we know that the bones are dissolving faster than the rest of the body. Why should that happen?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: What do bones have that the rest of the body doesn't?

BRENNAN: Calcium.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Oddly enough, calcium is the fifth most abundant element in both the crust of the Earth and the ocean.

BRENNAN: We're looking for a corrosive that produces hydrogen gas when it breaks down calcium.

HODGINS: Fluoride ions would tear through cells and soft tissue until they met up with calcium.

BRENNAN: All acids contain hydrogen.

HODGINS: Hydrofluoric acid.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Used in various, uh, pesticides, rust removers, petrochemical development, to clean and brighten certain metals.

HODGINS: Antacid.

CAM: You think he's troubled by indigestion?

HODGINS: Antacid contains magnesium hydroxide. If we cover the hydrofluoric acid in enough magnesium, it will stop attacking the bones.

CAM: Makes sense... I hope.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: The first recorded antacid was an amalgam of ambergris and musk, though since ambergris could only be obtained from whales, it wasn't readily available to all. (The foam turns into a solid crust)

BRENNAN: Wh... it's working.

HODGINS: Yeah.

CAM: What's happening?

HODGINS: The good news is that the bones stopped dissolving. The, uh, bad news is...

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Our foamy friend seems to be petrifying right before our very eyes.

CAM: Oh, God. (The lockdown alarm goes off again)

BRENNAN: Mr. Nigel-Murray, perhaps you and Dr. Hodgins can figure out a way to free the victim's remains so that we can discover cause of death.

HODGINS: Well, how do we do that? Drop it on the floor like a piggy bank?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I suggest we cut off one of the limbs- one of the less crucial limbs, of course- and run some tests.

CAM: Are you serious?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: No. (Cam leaves. Hodgins and Vincent lean in on the body) Would it interest you to know...

HODGINS: No, at-at this moment, it-it would not.

(Cut to - Interrogation room viewing room)

BRENNAN: Please, Booth, I'm ready.

BOOTH: One lesson with Sweets doesn't turn you into the master interrogator.

BRENNAN: What, is master interrogator a real thing?

SWEETS: Technically, no.

BOOTH: You got to know exactly what you want to find out when you go in there.

BRENNAN: Really, if you can do it, I can.

BOOTH: Seriously. You think you can do anything I can do?

BRENNAN: Not the big, strong, sheerly physical things, but otherwise... yes.

BOOTH: Fine, be my guest. Be the big cheese. Fill the shoes.

SWEETS: Here, take an earpiece in case you, you know need help.

BRENNAN: Okay, but don't distract me unnecessarily. (Brennan goes in the interrogation room)

BOOTH: It's all your fault. You know that, right?

SWEETS: Why? You're the one that said yes.

BRENNAN: I'm Dr. Brennan.

MAUREEN PEROT: Yeah, I know. We met, like, five times.

BRENNAN: Together, you and I are going to help each other out here.

MAUREEN PEROT: If by "help," you mean put me in the electric chair.

BRENNAN: Was that a confession? Because it sounded like a confession.

MAUREEN PEROT: No, no, no, I was... I was being, um... Are you serious?

SWEETS: I'm sorry.

BRENNAN: Did you enjoy s*x with Alex Newcomb?

MAUREEN PEROT: No, I did not. It was over too quick, and he didn't put enough weight on his elbows.

BRENNAN: So... you admit to a sexual relationship? No, no. No, once again, I was... I was joking, so... No. We just worked together.

BRENNAN: Where were you last Thursday night?

MAUREEN PEROT: Bowling.

BRENNAN: Did you kill Alex Newcomb?

MAUREEN PEROT: No. Did you?

BRENNAN: No.

SWEETS: Oh.

BOOTH: Will you just... ask her if Alex Newcomb ever stole any of her customers.

BRENNAN: Did Alex ever skate any of your sales?

MAUREEN PEROT: Oh, yeah. Yeah, he did. I'd have referrals come in on my days off, and he would tell them I'd been fired.

BRENNAN: That's terrible.

MAUREEN PEROT: Look, the only person that he really cared about was his brother.

BRENNAN: How do you know?

MAUREEN PEROT: Why do you think Alex went from number one to number three? He punted sales to his brother. Made me number one.

BRENNAN: So, you had no reason to kill him.

MAUREEN PEROT: Nope.

BRENNAN: Thank you for your cooperation.

SWEETS: That's it? Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were right she wasn't ready.

BOOTH: No, she wasn't ready, Sweets, but we found out something really, really important.

SWEETS: What, the woman bowls?

BOOTH: No, we found out that the victim was secretly carrying his brother.

(Cut to - Jeffersonian, foresic platform)

CAM: Any good news?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I think I may have discovered cause of death.

CAM: Even though the victim is still wearing his hard candy coating?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I went back over the X-rays and the MRI scans. This defect on the posterior aspect of the sternum. There.

CAM: That's very small.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: This shadow suggests that the margins bevel inward, which suggests that it was left by the tip of whatever weapon, was used to kill the victim.

CAM: How can we confirm that?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: By cracking this baby open and taking a good look.

HODGINS: So... IC results confirm anions of chloride, sulfate, phosphate, nitrate and fluoride. So his body was exposed to highly concentrated hydrofluoric acid.

CAM: Ah, we got something right. Now, how do we get him out?

HODGINS: No idea.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Perhaps... one good sharp shock with a mallet would free the remains inside.

HODGINS: I also found some fecal matter on the bottom of the shoes.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: 90% of the world's population have fecal matter on the bottom of their shoes.

HODGINS: Not from a Cebinae Cebus.

CAM: A what?

HODGINS: Capuchin.

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Jungle Jim's monkey Banas is of the capuchin variety, named thus for their uncanny resemblance to the, uh, Capuchin monks, uh, the- an offshoot of the Franciscan order.

HODGINS: They had... Motile flagellates in the poop date the freshness to five days ago.

CAM: The same day Alex Newcomb was killed.

HODGINS: Has anyone suggested a pinata scenario? I'll leave you to it.

(Cur to - Jungle Jim car dealer)

JUNGLE JIM: You people better have a warrant.

BRENNAN: We have reason to believe that Alex Newcomb was here the night he died.

JUNGLE JIM: Well, I didn't see him. Monkey crap? You're here looking for monkey crap?

BRENNAN: Feces, yes. It won't be hard to find. Maybe Banas should wear a diaper all the time.

BOOTH: Diaper.

JUNGLE JIM: All right, if Alex was here, I didn't see him.

MAUREEN PEROT: Okay, what is going on now?

JUNGLE JIM: Oh, they think that Banas killed Alex.

BOOTH: We never said that.

MAUREEN PEROT: O- Okay, wait a minute. You think Alex was killed here?

JUNGLE JIM: N- No, n- nobody here killed Alex. Would you just go back to the floor? Go. Go.

FBI TECH: Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan, we found blood.

(Cut to - Back room)

FBI TECH: So there's an additional wide stain around the blood where the concrete is clearly pitted.

BOOTH: What is it?

FBI TECH: It's congruent with a strong acid.

BRENNAN: What is this, please?

JUNGLE JIM: That's Gleam-o.

BOOTH: What's that?

JUNGLE JIM: It's a tire cleaner- it's-it's real concentrated.

BOOTH: Is it corrosive?

BRENNAN: 60% hydrofluoric acid. That would explain what happened to Alex Newcomb's bones.

BOOTH: So we got blood, we got a method of disposing the body. Looks like you're going to have to shut the jungle down, pal.

JUNGLE JIM: Why?

BRENNAN: Because everyone who works here is now a suspect. Including you, Jungle Jim.

(Cut to - Founding Fathers, Brennan, Booth and Cam are sitting at a table)

WAITRESS: Here you go.

CAM: So... the blood from Jungle Jim's is a match for Alex Newcomb. He was killed in the service area.

BRENNAN: He was killed and then soaked in corrosive tire cleaner.

CAM: So... the killer thinks the body is going to dissolve instantly, like it does in the movies, then nothing happens except every alarm in the lab goes off time and again.

BOOTH: You okay?

CAM: Yes. This is just really good wine.

BOOTH: Right, okay, so the killer still has the body, so he tosses it off the cliff.

CAM: What was Alex Newcomb doing back at Jungle Jim's that night?

BOOTH: Ah... Bones here already figured that one out.

BRENNAN: I did? How? Alex was there for his brother, trying to save Chet's job. You got that one right.

(Cut to - Jeffersonian, forensic platform)

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: I've got dipsticks, pry bars, ceremonial weapons, but the defect in the sternum is too small to make a definitive match.

CAM: The stab perforated the spine. What about injury to the vertebrae?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: According to my calculations, reversing the trajectory of the nick in the sternum, Alex was stabbed between the seventh and the eighth vertebrae.

CAM: But we won't get anything from those vertebrae. They were already jelly when the X-rays were taken. I hate this case. Did you know that the earliest production of wine took place in 6,000 BC in what is now Iran?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: From grapes. Rice was used in China in 7,000 BC.

CAM: Is there anything you don't know?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Yes, the murder weapon. Dr. Brennan is very adamant that without a murder weapon it's much more difficult to prosecute a homicide.

CAM: We have to find a way to unseal this body. (She takes a swing with a crow bar)

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: W- Whoa, whoa! Dr. Saroyan, okay, I'd just like to point out that this could very much resemble what happens when one strikes an egg with a sledgehammer.

CAM: Can you see another choice?

VINCENT NIGEL-MURRAY: Could we at least don some rain gear first?

ANGELA: Maybe I could help. Why is it that nobody ever says to me, "Gee, Angela, this looks impossible, but maybe you're the person who could solve the problem"?

(Cut to - Jeffersonian, Angela's office)

BRENNAN: Cam says you might be able to do a virtual examination of the body.

ANGELA: I've been working on a new program that uses Configuration-bias Monte Carlo method. Here are the bones currently left in the body. Now, there's not much left, but by factoring in rate of decomposition and bone destruction from the hydrofluoric acid, I can attempt to virtually regrow the bone.

BRENNAN: I have been to 74 interrogations with Booth- 42 in the room and 32 observing.

ANGELA: Uh-huh.

BRENNAN: I should be able to do it.

ANGELA: What, interrogate?

BRENNAN: Yes. I-I even engaged in a very interesting session with Sweets to improve my ability to manipulate people.

ANGELA: That wouldn't work.

BRENNAN: Why not?

ANGELA: Because what Booth has, you can't learn from baby boy shrink. Booth's brilliant at pretending to be stupider than he actually is most of the time.

BRENNAN: Brilliant at stupidity?

ANGELA: Especially around you. Okay, here is what Alex Newcomb's skeleton looked like 12 hours ago.

BRENNAN: Why would Booth do that?

ANGELA: Well, he knows that you like to be the smart one, so he lets you have that. All right, here's what Alex's bones looked like at the time of his death.

BRENNAN: Huh. Jagged crenellations between the seventh and eighth vertebrae indicate the path of the murder weapon.

ANGELA: Combing trajectory analysis with force and thrust ratio. This suggests a square-edged blade with an overlying step that was at least 16 centimeters long.

BRENNAN: You know I am smarter than Booth.

ANGELA: Okay, so maybe you should just let him have the people skills part of the job to himself then.

BRENNAN: Can you zoom in there? Okay, look at this. A curved notch, maybe from a small pin?

ANGELA: Yeah, or a screw.

BRENNAN: Screw. Two blades held together by a screw. Scissors. You are amazing, Angela.

ANGELA: Eh, I just program the computer. You're the whiz master who makes the calls. You're welcome. Hey, sweetie? I think you'll find that the murder weapon was a pair of tailor shears.

BRENNAN: Why?

ANGELA: Why don't you run this information by Booth and see how quickly he comes to the same conclusion?

(Cut to - Jungle Jim car dealer)

CHET NEWCOMB: Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan, how you doing?

VANESSA NEWCOMB: Have you made any progress on the case?

BOOTH: Yeah, here you go. (He hands Vanessa Newcomb a warrant)

VANESSA NEWCOMB: What's this?

BOOTH: That's a warrant to seize all your scissors and sewing shears.

CHET NEWCOMB: Why?

JUNGLE JIM: Hey, Newcomb, how long does it take to swallow a couple of pills? We got customers on the floor. Get your hat on.

CHET NEWCOMB: What's going on?

VANESSA NEWCOMB: Uh, get back inside, Chet.

CHET NEWCOMB: What's happening?

VANESSA NEWCOMB: Just go back inside. Don't lose your job.

BRENNAN: Booth.

BOOTH: Oh, look at that. See, our lab discovered that the murder weapon was a pair of tailor shears.

BRENNAN: And Booth immediately remembered that you're a seamstress.

BOOTH: We're pretty sure we're going to find Alex Newcomb's blood on those.

VANESSA NEWCOMB: Alex caught me with someone.

BRENNAN: Sexually, you mean?

BOOTH: Who? Jungle Jim?

BRENNAN: Whoa, how did you get there?

BOOTH: That's how your sick husband kept his job. First his brother tried to help, then you.

VANESSA NEWCOMB: It was just one time. I told Jungle Jim I'd have s*x with him just once if he wouldn't fire Chet, and... my luck. Alex walked in looking to get his job back and... Alex wouldn't listen to me. He said he was going to tell Chet and I... I couldn't let that happen, so...

BRENNAN: So you killed him?

VANESSA NEWCOMB: Look, I love my husband.

BOOTH: Yeah, so did his brother.

(Cut to - Founding Fathers, Booth and Brennan are at the bar)

BOOTH: Just give me a ten.

BRENNAN: But you had most of the potatoes.

BOOTH: Okay, then you have that, okay? All right. Bones, you ready?

BRENNAN: You haven't said anything about my interrogation.

BOOTH: Okay, you know what? You did great, okay, better than I thought.

BRENNAN: I was terrible. Everybody's right. I lack empathy.

BOOTH: You got empathy. You're awkward. That's different.

BRENNAN: My stuff is bones, yours is people.

BOOTH: Right. So you're admitting that I'm better at something than you are?

BRENNAN: No... Yes. A lot better.

BOOTH: Thanks, Bones. Hey. Can we go now?

BRENNAN: Yes.

BOOTH: Yes, wait till you see what's outside. (They go outside to see the Audi parked out front)

BOOTH: So... what do you think? Right, huh? Buddy let me borrow it.

BRENNAN: Can I drive it?

BOOTH: Oh, no, no, wait a second. This is a very powerful machine.

BRENNAN: Well, I can handle it.

BOOTH: Okay, look, once around the block. Uh, maybe. Okay. Hey, driving a machine like this is like making love. You have to go gently.

BRENNAN: I go more for passionate and uninhibited rather than gentle.

BOOTH: Bones, gently. Go ahead. Gentle, Bones, gentle. Bones, easy on the gas. Easy. Whoa, stop! Brakes...

BRENNAN: The car broke.

BOOTH: Okay, let me drive.

BRENNAN: No.

BOOTH: Okay, fine, you know what? Just do it without me, okay?

BRENNAN: Wait, no. It's no fun by myself.

BOOTH: See you.

BRENNAN: No, but at least help me get into first gear.

BOOTH: First gear? You're a scientist. You can figure it out, right?

BRENNAN: I'm a scientist, not a mechanic.

BOOTH: A mechanic? What did I say? Drive it gently, but no, you don't listen to me. I'm done, forget it.

BRENNAN: No, come on, Booth, come back. I am an excellent driver.

BOOTH: See you.

BRENNAN: Buddy's going to be very upset you're leaving it here without...

BOOTH: Buddy will completely understand because of the way that you drove that car. I told you to go gently- everybody back out, back out.

BRENNAN: Come on Booth! Booth!

END