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The Angry Birds Movie - Teaser Poster
  • [Red is running through the forest carrying a fake egg.]
  • Red: Okay. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Come on, let's go. Let's go, buddy. Come on, come on, we gotta move, we gotta move. [Red goes through a log and then falls down a cliff. He tries to fly.] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! [Starts falling.] No, no, no, no, no! [He grabs the fake egg.] Hey, hey, gotcha! [Swings on a vine. A snake gets caught on the vine.] I don't like it! I don't like it! [Drops the fake egg, falls down a tree and hits branches on the way down.] Beak! Wing! Tail! Ribs! Giblets! [Grabs the egg. Tree branch flings him up.] I'm flying! Nope, still can't fly. [Falls in water.] I cannot believe this. Breathe, breathe. [Grabs fake egg and goes onto land. Pulls fish-like thing of himself.] Bottom feeder. [ Goes up treehouse.] Up and Over! [Knocks then puts on clown costume.] Ta-Da! All Done The Job.
  • Timothy: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!
  • Red: No, no, no, no! Look, it's okay. I'm just a clown.
  • Timothy: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
  • Red: Oh, boy. That's a loud...loud...You're very scared of me. Here, come here.
  • Timothy: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
  • Red: Nope. Okay. Nope. Never mind. [Tries to hand Timothy the fake egg.]
  • Edward: Happy hatchday! Hi, pal. You must be so disappointed in yourself for being this late.
  • Red: No, no, no, no, no! I'm not late, look at the time. See, the order said before noon.
  • [The clock moves to noon.]
  • Edward: Okay, now you're late.
  • Red': What?
  • Edward: Where have you been?
  • Red': It's funny you ask. [Clown nose falls off of his beak.] You see I was...
  • Edward: You missed the party. [Pointing at fake egg.] What is that?
  • Red: Oh, that. Uh, yeah. Yes, see, I fell on the box. [He open the fake egg to reveal a birthday cake and a squirrel, who is eating the cake. Edward picks up the squirrel.] Oh, the squirrel. That's on us. [Edward throws the squirrel to the side.] You know, I tried to keep my body between the ground and the box, but, you know, I think I got a little bruise. [Shows Timothy his tail.] See anything back there?
  • Timothy: Ugh.
  • Edward: Hear that, Honey? The clown we paid to be here an hour ago fell on our son's hatchday cake. That's why our son's hatchday party is ruined!
  • Red: Oh.
  • Edward: And the next you mess up, don't tell me a story, just take responsibility.
  • Red: Hey, man, it wasn't a story.
  • Edward: [Mocking Red.] I'm a screw-up that woke up late and fell on the thing you paid for!
  • Red: Mm-hmm, It wasn't a story. I almost drowned.
  • Edward: Why don't we just settle this out and say the cake's on you. [Points at Red.]
  • Red: I'm sorry, it's on me?
  • Edward: Well, who else would it be on?
  • Red: [Laughs then sighs. Is taking off his clown costume as he is talking.] Well, you know, I... I'm not sure you're gonna like this, um, but since you asked. Rather than being on me, as you suggested, this cake IS ON YOU! [Slams the cake on Edward's face.] Ha! So, you wanna hear a story? [Is dressing Edward in the clown costume as he is talking.] I run my butt off, literally, mind you, to get the "gluten-free cake." What the heck is gluten? I mean, does gluten even exist?
  • Eva: Who are you?
  • Edward: Get outta here!
  • Red: Already? But you're the only one that's had cake! [Takes some cake off Edward's face.]
  • Edward: What?
  • Red: [Eats some of the cake he grabbed.] Mm, mm, That's good stuff. Anybody want to eat some cake of their dad or husband?
  • Timothy: Uh...
  • Red: Who needs plates when you got this guy's face, right? [Laughs. Goes as if to leave, then comes back.] Oooo, wait, I almost forgot. You know, I'm supposed to do a quick customer satisfaction survey before I, hoo-hoo, split, okay? So, on a scale of one to three stars, what would say about my performance? {Is starting to walk back.] And don't forget, the squirrel was free... [Trips on squirrel. Red is falling backwards right to a real egg in a nest.] Sorry about this.
  • Edward: No!
  • Red: My bad.
  • Red is stopped inches away from the egg by Edward, whose tail is being held by Eva, whose tail is being held by Timothy. Timothy notices a piece of cake on the floor, and lets go to eat it. Everyone else then falls over.
  • Red: Congratulations!
  • Edward: Huh?
  • Red: [The egg is now broken, and Red is upside down in it.] It's a boy!
  • [A series of flashbacks begins.]
  • [Red is standing in line. When the bird behind him tries to move up, he moves that bird back.]
  • [Red is reading a comic book. A mime bird comes by, and he punches him.]
  • [Red is younger and is making a sculpture.]
  • Young Bird: Hey, Eyebrows.
  • Four Young Birds: Eyebrows. [They have cut paper into eyebrow shapes. Red looks angry, then sad.]
  • [Red's house shakes and a pot falls on Red. He goes out to see a small bird kicking a ball toward his house. He kicks the small bird into the ocean.]
  • [Red is watching a play. A bird sneezes three times onto his popcorn. He then shoves the popcorn on his face.
  • [A doctor taps Red's leg. He punches the doctor.]
  • [A girl bird waves, then winks. He winks back. She blows a kiss. He and another bird blow a kiss back. Both birds move to go to her, and the other bird steps on Red. As Red gets his head out of his lunchbox, he goes away with the girl bird.
  • [An egg is in lost-and-found. It hatches, revealing an angry-looking Red.]
  • [The series of flashbacks ends.]
  • [A court case is going on outside.]
  • Eva: Your Honor, our family has always practiced natural child-hatch. The risks of having a scrambled infant are too great. There was going to be music. The nest was going to be full with beautiful, fresh-cut flowers. And the first two faces he was going to see were the loving faces of his mother and his father. [A tear falls on their baby.] We can never get that moment back.
  • Red: Ma'am, I never wanted my face to be the first face your baby saw. I mean, what are we talking about here? He probably doesn't even remember me.
  • Baby Bird: Daddy! [Gasps from audience.]
  • Red: No, no, no. No. Shut up. Shut up. Cool it.
  • [A bird carves a picture of Red and the other birds.]
  • Red: Ladies and gentlemen, am I a passionate bird? Yes. Guilty as can be. It was a quality cake. Look, I worked very hard to get it there, on time, and he wouldn't even try it!
  • Judge Peckinpah: Mister Red, we are a happy, happy bird community. Under the protection of Mighty Eagle... [Points at a statue of Mighty Eagle.] we work, we play, we laugh, we love, and we live our lives free from conflict and strife, sir.
  • Red: We love the sound of our own voice, too, evidently.
  • Judge Peckinpah: Perhaps you've never heard the joke: "Why don't birds fly?" I'm gonna tell you why. Because where else would we ever wanna go! [Both he and the audience laugh.]
  • Red: Wow, not a good joke.
  • Judge Peckinpah: So what am I to make of the likes of you? There seems to be a recurring issue here. Anger.
  • Red: Pfft. I don't think I have an anger issue. I think you got an anger issue.
  • [Gasps from audience.]
  • Judge Peckinpah: [Walks to Red.]Anger is a weed growing in our garden. And what do you do when you find a weed?
  • Red: I don't know, but I bet you're gonna tell me.
  • Judge Peckinpah: You pluck it out!
  • Mime: Oh my gosh.
  • Judge Peckinpah: Mister Red, did you notice, that when you moved your house outside of our village, that nobody tried to stop you? Birds may smile at you on the street, but that doesn't mean they like you.
  • Red: Hey, you know what? I got a question for you. Are you aware that that robe that you're wearing isn't fooling anybody?
  • [Judge Peckinpah lowers his head, as if he has something to hide.]
  • Red: We all see you, prancing along the street, "Your Honor"! And you're what, and I'm just approximating here, LIKE AN INCH TALL!
  • [Red suddenly grabs Peckinpah.]
  • Judge Peckinpah: You... What are you doing?
  • Red pulls Peckinpah's robe to reveal the Peckinpah is actually a short bird standing on top of a taller bird. The taller bird sneezes, which moves him backwards and moves Peckinpah onto the floor. ]
  • Red: Violà! [Gasps from audience.]
  • Baby Bird: Daddy!
  • Judge Peckinpah: Mister Red, given the severity of the crimes, I have no choice but to impose the maximum penalty allowed by the law: anger management class.
  • Red: Uhhh... Pluck my life.
  • [Red angrily walks out of the court.]
  • Early Bird: Fresh worms, caught today. Hey, Red. How are ya?
  • Red: Oh, I'm horrible.
  • Stella: Oh. Hi, Red. It's good to see you.
  • Red: I wish I could say the same.
  • Stella: Oh.
  • Daddy Bird: [Is lifting his son over Red.] Ups-a-daisy
  • Red: Aw! Ow. [Sarcastically.] Thank you.
  • [A bird plays a saxophone, and Red takes another bird's apple and puts in in the saxophone]
  • Monica: [Blocks Red's path with a flag.] Let's go.
  • Red: Oh.
  • [A bird leading some baby birds walks across the street.]
  • Monica: How are you, Suzie? You good? No running, no running.
  • [Monica lifts her flag, only to put it right back down.]
  • Red: Oop. Come on.
  • [More baby birds walk across.]
  • Monica: Hey. How's that nap schedule coming along?
  • Red: Oh boy. Ya guys ever thought about bird control?
  • Hatchling: Oof!
  • Red: Left, right, left, right, there ya go.
  • [Monica hums. Red hums sarcastically.]
  • Hatchling: Hey hey. [Sticks tongue out at Red; Red sticks his tongue out back.]
  • Monica: All right. [Lifts her flag, only to put it right back down.]
  • Red: Oop! Ugh!
  • [An old lady bird named Shirley starts walking across.]
  • Shirley: Shirley, Girly, you got this.
  • Monica: We don't want you to fall now. Take your time.
  • Red: Ugh.
  • Shirley: Here we go. That's it. Ah! Ugh! Oh! Oh, you're doing it!
  • Red: Seriously?
  • Shirley: I'm almost there.
  • Red: Ugh.
  • [Cut to Hug Trader trying to hug Red.]
  • Red: Nope.
  • [As Red is passing a salon a bird sweeps feathers onto Red. he then angrily moves them off himself. The mime bird mimics Red and gets huge cheers from the crowd.]
  • Workout Bird: Pigeon pose. Crane pose. Ok, we worked out. Who's down for a froyo?
  • Purple Bird: Ooo, froyo!
  • Nursery Worker Bird: [Talking to eggs.] Mighty Might Eagle soaring free, defender of our homes and liberty.
  • Yellow Lady Bird: Hi, Red, is one of those yours?
  • Red: What? Yeah, when birds fly!
  • Nursery Worker Bird: Mighty Eagle is a legend.
  • Sign: [Is in front of anger management class building and is rocking back and forth.] Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. [Red is starting to get mad.] Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. [Red cools down.] Ha, ha ha. [Red pushes the sign, but it comes back up and hits him.] Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha. Ha, ha ha.
  • Red: [Attackes the sign.] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! You think that's funny. Ha ha ha. This is funny. [Throws the sign down.]
  • Sign: Ha ha, ha!
  • Red: What? [Throws and breaks the sign, and then puts it back.]
  • Helene: Don't look, Bobby ,the anger might be contagious. Let's go.
  • Red: He started it. [Puts part that says SMILE back.] There you go Uh-huh. [Walks into the anger management class building.] Oh, look at this, this is going to be awful. [Passes a sculpture of two birds hugging.] Okay, I guess that's art. [Passes a sculpture of three birds hugging. That's garbage. [Passes a sculpture of many birds hugging in a big pile] And that's... exotic. [Passes certificate that says FREE RAGE CHICKEN.]
  • Red: Free rage what?
  • Matilda: Oh, hi. Hi, there. Welcome...
  • Red: Hello.
  • Matilda: ... to the Infinity Acceptance Group. I am Matilda.
  • Red: Okay.
  • Matilda: And I'm just super psyched to b taking this journey with you!
  • Red: Oh.
  • Matilda: You're gonna have a blast! I'm really fun. Everybody says that about me!
  • [They walk into a room where three birds are already gathered.]
  • Matilda: Hey, guys. Say hello to Red, everyone. Hello!
  • Bomb: Hi, Red. Heh.
  • Red: Hello, birds I won't get to know well.
  • Chuck: [Talking very fast.] Hey, apparently somebody didn't get the memo that we like to start on time, because you're about two minutes late. Don't let it happen again. Hi, my name is Chuck. I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I like you a lot. I can tell.
  • Matilda: Okay. Now, Red, would you like to share your story with us?
  • Red: No, not really.
  • Matilda: Well, the court mentioned something about a rage episode at a child's birthday party.
  • Red: How long is this class anyway?
  • Matilda: As long as you [Points at Red.] make it.
  • Red: Really? Oh, okay. Uh, gentlemen, very nice to see you, and ta almost meet you. Probably the nicest part of it is not getting ta meet you. you know, in some weird away. All right. So, I'm gonna go ahead and scoot on back out, past those creepy... statues and, uh...
  • Matilda: [Grabs Red and puts him back onto his seat.] Hah! Back you go.
  • Red: Sure. No, I can take a seat.
  • Matilda: So, in another sense, you are here until I notify the court that your anger issues have been resolved. Ha ha ha!
  • Red: Oh boy.
  • Matilda: Chuck! Share your story with Red.
  • Chuck: Me? I'm the last guy that should be here! Simple speeding ticket! Judge tells me I was going too fast. So I say, "Your Honor, to be honest: I was; you caught me." I'm not angry, I'm honest. So, shouldn't I be in honesty management class? 'Cause we gotta manage my honesty.
  • Matilda: Mm-hmm. My one problem, that's a different story than you told last time.
  • Chuck: Uh...
  • [A flashback begans of Chuck speeding down the road. A policebird stops him. Chuck then is standing next to the policebird and realizes that he is only focused on writing a speeding ticket for Chuck. So he dashes to the policebird's office, messes everything up, and comes back before the policebird notices he is gone. He then steals the policebird's wallet. It reads OFFICER BILL BECKINS. Cut to a restaurant.]
  • Chuck: Drinks on me, guys!
  • [The crowd cheers. He runs back, and the policebird is still writing the speeding ticket. Something white falls on the policebird. Bird is on a tree above him, licking a ice cream. Flashback ends.]
  • Matilda: Chuck...
  • Chuck: Okay, maybe it wasn't ice cream.
  • Matilda: All right, Chuck. Thanks, we got it. And this is Terence. [Points to a huge, red bird.]
  • Red: More like Terrifying.
  • Matilda: Now, it says here in your little filey. [Gasps.]
  • Police sirens sound in the background, and Terence evilly chuckles.]
  • Matilda: Terence... uh... seems to have an incident. Now, Bomb's started with us two weeks ago. Tell us your story, Bomb.
  • Bomb: Okay. Well, sometimes when I get upset I... uh... have been known to... uh... blow up.
  • Red: So, like... uh... like what? Like you get mad, you mean.
  • Bomb: Well. No. I literally blow up, okay. I explode, like a bomb. [Inatates a bomb falling and exploding.] Hence the name.
  • [Falshback begins of Bomb walking into a house.]
  • Multiple Birds: Surprise!
  • [Bomb literally blows up, destroying the entire house.]
  • Bomb: Excuse me. Party foul.
  • [A bird falls.]
  • Stella: Ow!
  • [Flashback ends.
  • Chuck: [Gasps.] Do it!
  • Bomb: No can do; I just went boom-boom before class.
  • Red: Hey, look. I don't want to be here at all, but this can maybe make it a little more interesting to me. So, please, explode.
  • Chuck: You can't do it, can you?
  • Bomb: Yes, I can, but I'm having back issues today; so I'm gonna have to take a rain check.
  • Chuck: Oh... do it!
  • Bomb: Not the time or place, little amigo.
  • Red: These guys are all nuts, huh, big man?
  • [Terence only growls.]
  • Red: Are we speaking telepathically or you're just... Good talk. Nice chatting with you.
  • [Two birds start playing instraments.]
  • Matilda: Today we're gonna be working on managing our anger through movement. The first pose is the dancer pose.
  • [Terence does the pose.]
  • Matilda: Great form, Terence.
  • Chuck: [Is doing the poses as he says them.] Eagle. Parrot. Peacock. Warrior. Mountain. Tree. Rabbit. Fish. Locust. King pigeon. And of course, downward duck.
  • [Bomb is doing the pose but is shaking.]
  • Red: Uh, excuse me, boring hippie lady.
  • Matilda: Uh-huh.
  • Red: Looks like the explodey guy's gonna puke.
  • Matilda: And have you done this before?
  • Red: Uh, yes, I have. But usually not for free.
  • Matilda: [Moves Red into the pose position.] Hah! Didn't think so.
  • Red: Awesome.
  • Matilda: And how are we doing over here, Bomb?
  • Bomb: Doing wonderful. Stretching out the core.
  • Matilda: Just remember to breathe, up to your feathers and from your talons. Namaste.
  • [The yellow part of Bomb's "fuse" on his head is moving downwards and his cheeks are getting puffed out.]
  • Matilda: Bomb?
  • [Bomb explodes.]
  • Chuck: Nice.
  • [The birds find their village in ruins]
  • [Peckinpah walks up to Red looking serious]
  • Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red! *[The two birds look at each other seriously until Peckinpah removes his hat looking ashamed] What do we do now?
  • Red: [surprise] Hold on you're asking me?
  • Judge Peckinpah: You knew. You tried to tell us. But we didn't listen. I didn't listen.
  • Stella: [walks up swinging her right wing] Red, we need a leader.

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