(Cut to Nemo swimming out into open water.)
Marlin: Nemo, that's too far! Come back!
Nemo: I'm fine, Dad. What could possibly happen to a fish this close to a blade, a net and a worm on a hook?
(Nemo is captured by a diver (Presumably John Lasseter) and screams for help.)
Marlin: Nemo! No!
(The diver immediately leaves on a speedboat. Marlin takes out a cellphone, calling Liam Neeson.)
Marlin: Please! Nemo's in trouble! You're the only person I know to call.
(Cut to Dory.)
Dory: Aw, thanks!
Marlin: Not you! Him!
(Cut to Liam Neeson swimming deep into the ocean.)
Liam Neeson: Listen to me, this next part is very important. Tell me what happened!
Marlin: My son, he was kidnapped.
Liam Neeson: No. He was taken!
(Title card: Taking Nemo)
Liam Neeson: Who would've done this? Who are your enemies?
Marlin: Well there's sharks, octopus, barracuda... Hey, wait a second! How are you not drowning right now?! Aren't you a mammal?
Liam Neeson: What I am is a man with a very particular set of skills. One of them is breathing underwater.
Marlin: That's impossible!
Liam Neeson: My other skill is NOT taking SASS from FISH!!! (Marlin gulps) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to save your clownfish son. (swims off)
(Cuts to Bruce, Chum, and Anchor playing cards in front of ship)
Anchor: Do you have a 10?
Chum: Nah. Go fish.
Liam Neeson: (approaching sharks) You sharks are the most feared fish in the sea. You must've taken Nemo! WHERE IS HE?! (starts beating Anchor up)
Anchor: STOP! YOU'RE BREAKIN' EVERY CARTILAGE IN MY BODY!
(Liam Neeson starts hammering a "Test Your Strength" with Anchor's head)
Bruce: Please mate! We didn't touch the kid! Fish are friends not food!
Liam Neeson: (punching Bruce) THEN WHO DID?!
Bruce: Well, considering how punch-happy you are, I don't think I should-
Liam Neeson: WHO?!
Bruce: It was the mermaid.
(Cuts to inside ship)
Liam Neeson: (eyeing various treasures) Oh my gosh. He must be here. Look at all this stolen stuff! (finds a music box) Hey! A music box! I've always wanted one of those. (puts music box into jacket)
(Ariel and Flounder appear)
Ariel: Hey! Who are you?!
Liam Neeson: (punches Flounder) THAT'S who I am! Now where's Nemo?!
Ariel: I have no idea!
Liam Neeson: (continues punching Flounder) LISTEN! Someone captured Nemo, and if I don't get some answers, I'm gonna START BEATING PEOPLE UP!
Liam Neeson: YEAH! START! (keeps beating up Flounder)
Ariel: Wait! Stop! I think I know who it is.
(cuts to SpongeBob SquarePants catching jellyfish)
SpongeBob: (laughs) This is the best day ever!
(cuts to Liam Neeson beating up SpongeBob)
Liam Neeson: Alright, SquarePants, I hear you like catching things in nets! Have you caught a fish named Nemo lately?!
SpongeBob: Nemo? How would I know? Wait a second, how are you breathing down here?
Liam Neeson: (throwing fist in air) IT'S WHAT I DO!
(John Lasseter pulls Liam out of water)
SpongeBob: Ha! He's lucky he left. I would've taken care of-
(Liam Neeson punches SpongeBob again; cuts to Liam Neeson trapped in cage at Pixar Animation Studios in outer space)
Liam Neeson: Where am I?
(Liam Neeson sees blurry Nemo in a fishbowl)
Liam Neeson: Nemo! What's going on here?
(John Lasseter enters)
John Lasseter: Hi, I'm John Lasseter, chief creative officer at Pixar, and I'll tell you what's going on. (Holds up Toy Story poster) You see, first we made movies. (Holds up Up poster with "3D Story" on it) Then we made 3D movies. Then we realized, who needs to make movies when we can just turn our OLD movies into 3D movies? (Throws both posters into a garbage bin in front of a Finding Nemo poster that says "Finding 3D-Mo" on it with Marlin and Dory wearing 3D glasses and for some reason Dory is green) Isn't that right, Nemo?
Nemo: Everything's so blurry!
John Lasseter: He's gonna love it!
Liam Neeson: You'll NEVER get away with this!
John Lasseter: But we have a movie for you too!
Liam Neeson: Like I said, you'll ALWAYS get away with this!
(screen goes black; "Pixar Animation Studios" appears on screen)
Narrator: From Pixar, it's the movie everyone's been waiting for...
("Really 3D)" appears on screen)
Narrator: Now in 3D!
("LIAM NEESON PUNCHES YOU IN THE FACE!" appears on screen)
Narrator: It's LIAM NEESON PUNCHES YOU IN THE FACE!
(Liam Neeson appears on screen)
Liam Neeson: I couldn't punch someone wearing 3D glasses. SURE, I COULD!! (punches screen, static)