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  • Spongebob: HOORAY! I'm first in line. First in line... First in line... Firs in line! Hi, I'm here to audition for The 'New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.'
  • Receptionist: Congrats, you are the first in line. Um, actually... You seem to be the only one in line.
  • Spongebob: Yeah, uh, I must be early.
  • Receptionist: Well step forward and we can process your application.
  • Spongebob: Application?
  • Receptionist: Yes, you should have a properly completed application and release Form.
  • Spongebob: Oh right! Now I just have to remember where I put it. Let's see. Did I put it! In my pocket? Nope! Maybe I put it in my shoe for safe keeping. Hmmm, maybe I should check my...
  • Receptionist: Oh, for crying out loud! Will you just come over here already!! Ok, even it though you don't have your application I'll make an exception just this once.
  • Spongebob: You are nice. Trust me, you won't be sorry. When I become a famous actor I'll be sure to thank all the little fishes that helped me rise to the top.
  • Receptionist: Yeah, well, whatever you say. Right this way, Mr.??
  • Spongebob: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants!
  • Receptionist: Ok, Mr. SquarePants. The Producer, Gill Hammerstein, will be waiting for you past the door. I'm buzzing you right now.
  • Gill Hammerstein: No!! I only do studio filming you crawfish! Fliming 'On Location' is for chumheads that can't act their way out of a fishbowl. Have you seen the last 'Ocean Wars?' OHH!! Now I'm upset!!!!
  • Spongebob: Um ...Hello, I...
  • Gill Hammerstein: What?! Oh nothing, I'm busy right now. Let's do lunch. Who are you?
  • Spongebob: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants, and I'm here to audition for The New Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy.
  • Gill Hammerstein: That is the worst stage name I have ever heard. Anyway, sorry kid, the show has officially been cancelled.
  • Spongebob: What?! Why? Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are the most beloved superheroes of all time.
  • Gill Hammerstein: Well, that may be kid, but I can't film a T.V. show without any supporting actors and none showed up today to audition. Well, besides you.
  • Spongebob: Hmmm... I know lots of people that would love to be in this show.
  • Gill Hammerstein: That's great kid, but audiences these days want big name actors, amazing special effects, and horrible scripts. Well, our script is horrible, but that's the only thing we've ot going for us.
  • Spongebob: Mr. Hammerstein, I could get a full cast together in no time. I have lots of friends all over Bikini Bottom. I know you'd have to risk to relay on me...
  • Gill Hammerstein: I work in television, kid. I never take risks. But ...I am desperate. Maybe you've got something here kid. Yeah, yeah I like it! Ok kid, go to this crazy plan we're going to need a bunch of actors, so take this play bill and get out there and find some. O yeah! If you find any interesting props for the show bring those back too. The bigger the better! You should probably talk to the 'Stars' too. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just outside my office.
  • Spongebob: Oh my gosh, I get to meet Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
  • Gill Hammerstein: Yeah sure, now get out of here and get to work! You're beautiful!!!!
  • Spongebob: Well, what are you going to do?
  • Gill Hammerstein: Like I said kid, I'm a producer. It's my job not to do anything and look busy doing it.
  • Spongebob: Hello Checker Lady!
  • Old Lady: Shhhh!! Don't disturb me! his is an important move Sonny.
  • Spongebob: Checkers! I can play?
  • Old Lady: Not yet, I am still working on my mystery.
  • Spongebob: Ok, I will check back later. Checkers! Can I play?
  • Old Lady: Yes...
  • Spongebob: You know I have played this game before; only we used live Jellyfish!
  • Old lady: Aarrgh!
  • Spongebob: Oooo, what does this do?
  • Old lady: Oooooohhhh! That's it! I'm outta here. You are impossible!
  • Spongebob: Huh, She left in a hurry. Must be nap time. Checkers is a tough game to master.
  • Old Lady: It sure is, but you're pretty advanced for a kid your age.
  • Spongebob: Hey, right back at yah... Would you like to be in a T.V. show that isn't afraid to go out on a limb and hire an elderly cast?
  • Old Lady: Sure, but who're you calling elderly?
  • Spongebob: Oh my gosh! It's really them! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!!!!
  • Barnacle Boy: That's great kid. Now, if you don't mind, get out of the way. You're blocking our view of the TV.
  • Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy! That's no way to treat our young hero-in-training.
  • Spongebob: I have so much to do before filming can begin The New Adventures of Barnacle Boy... Do you think I can ask you guys a few questions to help steer me in the right direction?
  • Mermaid Man: Ask away. Just be sure to speak loud enough. I can't hear too well anymore.
  • Spongebob: Do you think I can show this save? I mean, save this show?
  • Mermaid Man: Well now, sure yah can, you little whippersnapper. In all my years I don't think I've ever met such an energetic kid! Well, besides Barnacle Boy of course.
  • Spongebob: Thanks! I feel more confident already. But, I'm actually not a snapper... I'm a Spongebob! Do you think I could see it Mermalair?
  • Barnacle Boy: Sorry, the Mermalair is for the International Justice League of Super Acquaintances only.
  • Mermaid Man: Say to say that he's not kidding, kiddo! Ooh! I rhymed. Kind of.
  • Spongebob: What kind of actors should I look for?
  • Barnacle Boy: Well kid, to make a good T.V. show you need all kinds of characters.
  • Mermaid Man: He's right. You need heroes, villains, and a screaming woman or two.
  • Spongebob: I know crime fighting has a lot to do with research, but shouldn't you two be out fighting EVIL?
  • Mermaid Man: EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Barnacle Boy: Oh no, now yah went and got him all riled up.
  • Mermaid Man: EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Ummm... I'm gonna go ahead and get working on the show. Bye!
  • Mermaid Man: Do you know where the remote is Barnacle Boy?
  • Barnacle Boy: You had it last yah old coot, and I saw you drop it down between the seat cushions during your idday 'nap'.
  • Mermaid Man: Dagnabbit! It must of went down the super secret entrance to the Mermaidlair.
  • Barnacle Boy: I wonder if that old blowfish is ever gonna get up and let us have a chance to play.
  • Mermaid Man: Anxious to resume your learning of the game of my young ward?
  • Barnacle Boy: Yeah, sure, you read my mind.
  • Mermaid Man: I can read minds? I wish I'd known about that power before. It would have come in handy lots of times. I hope they serving meatloaf today.
  • Barnacle Boy: They serve meatloaf everyday.
  • Mermaid Man: Oh, right. We should probably get in the lunch line then.
  • Barnacle Boy: It's only 7 A.M!
  • Mermaid Man: All of you youngsters are procrastinators these days.
  • Spongebob: Hi guys!
  • Barnacle Boy: It's not like that we don't love your enthusiasm, now we are conducting serious criminal research.
  • Mermaid Man: We are?
  • Barnacle Boy: Yes, er are.
  • Mermaid Man: Say no more.
  • Spongebob: Sea creatures UNITE!!!
  • Barnacle Boy: I really wish that lady wasn't hogging the board.
  • Mermaid Man: Patience is a virtue my young ally.
  • Barnacle Boy: Not at our age!
  • Spongebob: Yah know, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would really like to play a game of checkers right now.
  • Old Lady: Why should I care? When you're as old as I am, you gotta have a really good reason to get up from a seated position.
  • Spongebob: Ummm... Is there anyway you would get up to let them play?
  • Old Lady: I am a bit hungry Sonny, but I'll only get up for my favorite meal.
  • Spongebob: Hey, do you know what is being served in the cafeteria right now?
  • Old Lady: No, is lunch being served early today?
  • Sponegbob: Oh yeah, to celebrate, uh, National Meatloaf Day.
  • Old lady: Meatloaf! I love meatloaf!
  • Spongebob: Well, you better go get in the lunch line then.
  • Old Lady: There you go... Toot-ta-loo!
  • Spongebob: It sure is a good thing that I'm an invertebrate. Whoa!!! I can't believe it! I'm really in the Mermalair!!!! I can't wait to snoop... I mean... Look around.
  • Man Ray: HAHAHA!!! You fool! Now I am free from that accursed prison of mayonnaise like condiments. Do you, little yellow Sponge Boy, have any idea the evil you have released upon the world?!?!
  • Spongebob: Of course! You're Man Ray, the most powerful villain in the sea. Oh, you're the greatest!!!!
  • Man Ray: Yes, I... You're fan of the evil and hated Man Ray?
  • Spongebob: You bet! They just don't make villains like you anymore.
  • Man Ray: Flattery can only delay your ultimate destruction for the moment, but if you must, please continue...
  • Spongebob: Nobody could fight Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, the way you did!
  • Man Ray: Thank you... Thank you... The importance of villainy is often overlooked, but the day of reckoning is at hand!
  • Spongebob: You know... I'm helping to east the New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy... Have you ever played a super villain? Would you like to...
  • Man Ray: No, I'm through making those fools look good. HAHAHA!!! Now, I am ready to escape this cave and begin my revenge!!!! You cannot stop me!!!! HAHAHA!!!!
  • Spongebob: I have to catch him! I bet he's headed for the exit!
  • Man Ray: It's useless to pursue me boy!!! My wrath cannot be caged any longer!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!
  • Spongebob: He's so amazing!!! I have to find some way to stop him and convince him to be in the show.
  • Man Ray: You chase continues Foolish Child? You do not posses the power to stop me!!!!
  • Spongebob: Oh no! I'm running out of chances. Hmm... Wait a second... If I remember correctly... In episode 17 of the Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy... Aha!! They used the Tickle Belt on him! When Justice needs a Hand... Uh... Use this machine. Holy Fish Under the SEA!!!! It's the WALL OF GADGETS!!!!!! The Infamous Tickle Belt!!!! Time to fight for truth, justice, and laughter!!!! Seeing Mermaid Man's disguise in person really makes if obvious why nobody ever discovered his secret identity. The Aqua-Rang is definitely not a toy! It caused the Atlantis riots '66. The Feared Tarter Gun!!! You knew things were serious when Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy pulled this out! The Crustaceous Hammer!!!! It's power can penetrate even the hardest of shells! The ULTRA Grinder 3000! This thing must make awesome fat-free yogurt. A squink ink bomb... Used to help Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy escape danger! The trusty of Cosmic Ray. It may not be pretty, but it gets the job done. Barnacle Boy's Paddle-Ball of Fury! Only it could break the concentration of the evil Dr. OctoFish! Whoa! The Bubble Wand of Doom!!!! The beautiful air-filled suds it produces can entrance even the most evil of supervillains. Ah, the GPS boot... Used in episode 18 to help track down and save of netted tuna! The Tripe-Headed Bolo Anchor... Not even the Atomic Flounder could escape it's grasp! The Shell-Com... This device proves that good communication is definitely a powerful item.
  • Man Ray: The time has come!!!! Finally, my rage will be released unto the world!!! All I have to do is walk out the door... Ouch!! What is this!?!? Some type of Force Field prevents my path to the door! No! I will not be defeated by such a worn out cliche! I must remove it!!!!
  • Spongebob: Hmmm... The Invisible Boat-Mobile must be blocking his way ...Now is my chance! Here goes nothing! And... Activate tickle!
  • Man Ray: What ... What is this? HAHAHA!!! Stop!!!! No... No... Stop!!!! AHAHAHA!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Man Baby, baby, I really wan t you to reconsider being in my show.
  • Man Ray: HAHAHA!!! Never!!!
  • Spongebob: Ok, I guess I'll just have to leave you there then.
  • Man Ray: No... HAHA!!!! Wait... I'll... HAHA!! I'll be in the show you fifthly do-gooder... HAHA!!!
  • Spongebob: Ok then... um, how do I stop this thing anyhow?
  • Man Ray: You... HAHA!!!! You Fool!!! I demand an end to this torture NOW!!!!
  • Spongebob: Oh, maybe this is the off switch. Hi, buddy! Boy am I having an exciting day. What are you up to?
  • Patrick: Hey, Spongebob... I just finished setting up my new business.
  • Spongebob: Oh yeah? What's the business?
  • Patrick: Well let me be the first to welcome you to the all new "Starfish L-E-M-O-N-A-D-E." "A cup a day keeps your thirsty away!"
  • Spongebob: Where did you get the stuff to build this stand?
  • Patrick: Oh, I, uh, borrowed it from the dumpster behind the Krusty Krab. Can you believe old man Krabs would actually throw this stuff away?
  • Spongebob: Can I have a cup of your lemonade?
  • Patrick: What size do you want?? Regular. Huge. Super. or "MEGA"?
  • Spongebob: Hmmm... I just realized I don't have any money, so I can't but any.
  • Patrick: No big deal pal! Every size is free except 'MEGA'.
  • Spongebob: Um, Patrick... Why would anyone pay for a 'MEGA' size cup when they could just order a regular one for free?
  • Patrick: Uhhh....
  • Spongebob: Ok, I'll take the regular cup then!
  • Patrick: Ok, commin' right up! Oh, barnacles!!! Sorry, Spongebob I only have 'MEGA' sized cups. If you get 25 cents, just come back.
  • Spongebob: Gone to Tentacle Acres... Good Riddance... This is signed by Squidward!!! Where is Tentacle Acres anyway?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, ohhhhh...
  • Doctor: Now just relax Mr. Krabs. Getting yourself upset is just not going to help.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well that's easy for you to say... You're not the one whose life has just been ruined!
  • Spongebob: What's wrong Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'd like to tell you me boy, but it's just too horrible to put into words.
  • Spongebob: Oh no! What is that? IS the Krusty Krab closing down?
  • Mr. Krabs: No.
  • Spongebob: Did a customer find a scale in the Gallery Grub again?
  • Mr. Krabs: It's much worse lad.
  • Spongebob: I can't take it anymore! What is it?!?
  • Mr. Krabs: All right! I'll tell yah... But I'm warning yah... This news ain't for the faint of heart. I... I... I can't count me money anymore!
  • Spongebob: Gasp!
  • Mr. Krabs: I told you it was terrible boy. Now, please boy. Now, please leave me alone. Your you! youthful energy is just too much for his old crab to bear.
  • Spongebob: Hi, are you a doctor?
  • Doctor: Yes, and I'm attending to my patient right now. If you need anything, please ask me quickly.
  • Spongebob: Why can't Mr. Krabs count money anymore?
  • Doctor: Unfortunately, Mr. Kras is suffering from a rare condition called 'Greedious Crustaceanous Too Cheapus.' Better known as 'Clawpul Tunnel Syndrome'.
  • Spongebob: Do you usually make house, er, business calls?
  • Doctor: Are you kidding? I hardly even spend time with the patients that come into my office. I was on my lunch break when this cheapskate pulled me in here. I'm obligated to treat anyone in neeed due to "The Shrumpoctratic Oath".
  • Spongebob: Is there anything I can do to help Mr. Krabs?
  • Doctor: Only The Royal Fry Cook, who wields the Golden Spatula, can create a patty pure enough to cure Mr. Krabs.
  • Spongebob: Where can I find the Golden Spatula?
  • Doctor: The Golden Spatula can be found at the Fry Cook Museum here in Bikini Bottom, but.
  • Spongebob: But, but, but, but what?
  • Doctor: Well, you should go see for yourself.
  • Spongebob: My Frygrill's like an artist's can was... For creating mouth-watering masterpieces! I'll take one 'MEGA' cup of lemonade!
  • Patrick: Wahoo! My first customer!
  • Spongebob: Whoa! That was serious stuff.
  • Patrick: Oh, darn it!
  • Spongebob: What's the matter? That was great lemonade. This business is gonna be a hit!
  • Patrick: I forgot to get more cups though. Tat was my last, er, my only one. Oh, I guess I'm going out of business.
  • Spongebob: Good for you! Well, now that you're out of job, would you like to be in the 'New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?'
  • Patrick: Oh, would I ever!!
  • Spongebob: Great! I just know that you'll be a big 'star!'
  • Patrick: Hey, watch it... I know I'm a little out of shape right now. No need to rub it in!
  • Spongebob: Hello.
  • Hot Dog Vendor: Hey there, you look like a growing boy... Wanna buy a weenie to help you get big and strong?
  • Spongebob: Nice hat...
  • Hot Dog Vendor: Didn't your parents teach you not to mock people?
  • Spongebob: No, No... Ok, ready? I really do like your hat.
  • Hot Dog Vendor: Oh well, thanks.
  • Spongebob: Isn't this the Fry Cook museum?
  • Hot Dog Vendor: Yeah... I know... I know... But business is really slow these days. Besides, The Weenie, all though often overbooked is a cornerstone of the fast food Market.
  • Spongebob: Whoa! The first 'JUMBO' Patty! Truly a historic artifact... The Endless Ketchup Vat! This helped end the Great Condiment Depression. The Father of all Fry Cooks. The great Krusty McPatty... Oh, he was a brilliant and talented man.
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: Not so fast, pal. You have to talk to me if yah wanna get any closer. Hey! Hold it right there buddy! Only official Fry Cooks can attempt to put! The Golden Spatula out of the Val of Ancient Grease.
  • Spongebob: But I am a Fry cook and I need that spatula to help a friend of mine.
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: Yeah sure kid... Hey. I'll tell you what. If you can answer some questions I'll let you try. It's not like some kid ever could ever pull the Golden Spatula out, right? Ok, ready?
  • Spongebob: You betcha.
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: Are you a Fry Cook?
  • Spongebob: Um, yeah... I already told you that!
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: Ok, next... Where do you work?
  • Spongebob: The Krusty Krab of course.
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: Ah, the finest establishment in Bikini Bottom. Maybe you are for real. Let's see... Who is your Boss.
  • Spongebob: My boss is Mr. Eugene Krabs... The most generous crustacean in all of Bikini Bottom.
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: HAHA! Generous! Ahem ... Ok then. You're almost done... What makes the Krusty Krab so famous?
  • Spongebob: The Krabby Patty! Nothing can rival the delicious might of this amazing fast food delicacy!
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: Mmmmm... Now I'm hungry. Finally, how is a Krabby Patty correctly put together?
  • Spongebob: Easy... Bottom Bun, Patty, Ketchup, Mustard, Pickles, Onions, Lettuce, Cheese, Tomato, Top Bun... In that order!
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: Unbelievable!!! You maybe the the one!! Now that you passed my test feel free to try your luck up on the podium. Whose Pullet Out that Spatula from that Val of Ancient Grease, is Right wise Dubbed 'The Royal Fry Cook!'
  • Mr. Krabs: By the Maiden of the Sea! What a delicious patty! I can count again! I'm cured! I can always count on you laddie. I'd give you a raise, but I wouldn't to cheapen your heroic deeds.
  • Doctor: Ahem ... No need to cheapen my services either. You'll receive my bill in the mail.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hah! You're all the same... One minute you're coddling me like a wee babe, and later you're sticking a gaff in me side!
  • Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, how would you like to be rich and famous?
  • Mr. Krabs: Haha! I'm already both of these things me boy! Well, you can never be too rich...
  • Spongrbob: Exactly! Wanna be in a television show? Actors get paid tons of money.
  • Mr. Krabs: That's music to me ears, I'll follow the smell of money over to the set.
  • Spongebob: Excellent! How would you like to be an actor on television?
  • Doctor: I'm a doctor, not an actor.
  • Spongebob: I'd say you're dramatic enough to be an actor.
  • Doctor: Will I have to work any harder than I did here?
  • Spongebob: No, and boy are you a natural "Acting" like a doctor!
  • Doctor: Ok, I'll do it!
  • Spongebob: Terrific! I've swabbed many a deck in my day. What is that noise?
  • Plankton: Down here you idiot! It's me... Plankton!
  • Spongebob: Oh, where are you?
  • Plankton: I'm underneath the stupid robot! Get it off me!
  • Spongebob: How did you get under the robot?
  • Plankton: I forgot to oil the joints on the dumb thing this morning and it got stiff...
  • Spongebob: Yeah, yeah ok... But how'd you get under it?
  • Plankton: I'm getting to that yah twit! Ahem ... I was over here working on a plan to conqueror the worl... I mean, a plan to stop world hunger, and this thing got stiff and fell over on top of me!
  • Spongrbob: How can I help?
  • Plankton: You'd have to get some oil to loosen up the joints on this worthless robot of mine.
  • Spongebob: That's easy... Back in a jiffy!
  • Plankton: Wait a second you idiot! When the robot fell it also broke the controller I use it to operate it.
  • Spongebob: Oh... So, I need to get something besides the oil?
  • Plankton: Yeah...You'll need some kind of portable communicator to control it after it's been oiled. Hurry, this thing is crushin' my spleen!
  • Spongebob: Oh look, Mermaid Man's magic conch! There he goes!!! Thanks for helping me get through that buddy! Hey, wanna be in a T.V. show? Animal actors can become pretty famous you know! Great! Now I just have to teach you how to talk... Whoo! This place sure was tough to get to. I barely made it out of the Kelp Forest.
  • Camper 1: Well, glad yah made it out here stranger.
  • Camper 2: Yeah, no tellun' what coulda happened to yah in that there Forest.
  • Spongebob: Thanks. What are you guys doing way out there?
  • Camper 1: Well, we're out here at this dig site hoping to find a priceless artifact.
  • Camper 2: That's right ... Somewhere's yonder out here is a real sought after item.
  • Spongebob: How do you know special artifact thingy is around here?
  • Camper 2: Well, see, the Flying Dutchman himself has come here looking for his prize.
  • Camper 1: I saw his ship anchored not be a moment's walk from this very spot.
  • Camper 2: You know it has to be something special if he's here a looking for it.
  • Spongebob: Do you have any idea where to look for it?
  • Camper 1: Rumors say that the Flying Dutchman had a map marking it's exact location, but he buried it somewhere a long time ago.
  • Camper 2: Yeah, I reckon if we had that map we could find it in a jiffy.
  • Camper 1: Yeah, but we'd need a compass to use it with the map too though.
  • Camper 2: We already got a compass!
  • Camper 1: We do? Where?
  • Camper 2: It's right there in the tent yah chowder head!
  • Spongebob: Hmmm... This ominous green glowing rope doesn't seem dangerous at all... I wonder where it goes... Hi, you can tell me...
  • Ghost Pirate: Whoooooo daressss come aboarddddd???
  • Spongebob: Wow... How do you make your voice echo echo echo echo like that?
  • Ghost Pirate: Aren't youuuuuuuuuu afraiddddd of my Ghooooossstly village???
  • Spongebob: Can you breathe fire?
  • Ghost Pirate: Um... Nooooo.
  • Spongebob: If you learned how to breath fire you would be scarier.
  • Ghost Pirate: Alright, that's enough! What do you want, kid? I don't have all eternity to answer your questions... Well... Maybe I do, but that doesn't mean I will.
  • Spongebob: What are you doing out here on the deck?
  • Ghost Pirate: Well, it's the second Saturday of the month, which means today I have to swab the deck. The problem is that I can't find my mop anywhere... Oh yeah... I'm also supposed to scare away anyone that gets near the ship.
  • Spongebob: Something tells me that your not gonna to get a raise anytime soon.
  • Ghost Pirate: Thanks kid... You really know how to kick a ghost when he's down.
  • Spongebob: How can I get into the Captain's quarters?
  • Ghost Pirate: Well, I have the key, but the Captain is busy right now and doesn't want to be disturbed... Besides, if he finds out that I haven't swabbed the deck yet he'll probably send my soul into the dark abyss.
  • Spongebob: That doesn't sound like fun at all.
  • Ghost Pirate: You have no idea.
  • Spongebob: What was that?
  • Ghost Pirate: Oh noooooooo!
  • Spongebob: Hey, where are you going? Ahhhhh!!!!! It's a mutiny!!!! All hands on deck!!!!Man your stations!!!! I'll head over to the Ectoplasmic Containment Flinger!! Sheesh! Now that was a close one! Swab away!
  • Ghost Pirate: This is one of the finest mops I've ever seen! Here, take this key... You can use it to visit the Captain, but I'm warning yah... He has never taken kindly to strangers... Especially ones that are still alive!
  • Spongebob: What comfy looking beds! Excuse me... Are you Captain of the ship?
  • Flying Dutchman: Har Har... You bet your shiny black booties I am. I be the Captain of this fine vessel, and it be the scarlest ship to ever sail the seven seas!
  • Spongebob: You're the Flying Dutchman!
  • Flying Dutchman: Right yah be laddie! Now, who might ye be whose foolish enough to step foot into me quarters?
  • Spongebob: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants!
  • Flying Dutchman: Well then Mr. SquareBottom, do ye be having any last words before I turn ye into a member of me ghostly crew?
  • Spongebob: Are you really gonna make me a member of your crew for all eternity?
  • Flying Dutchman: I'm afraid it's part of me ghostly contract...
  • Spongebob: No ... no!!!! I don't think I'm cut out to be a pirate.
  • Flying Dutchman: Well, I guess I'll just have to send you into the dark abyss!
  • Spongebob: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
  • Flying Dutchman: Alright, alright... If yah get outta here in the next 5 seconds I won't do anything horrible!
  • Spongebob: Phew! You seem a little angry... Anything wrong?
  • Flying Dutchman: Aye, there is... you sea dog.
  • Spongebob: I'm actually a sea sponge...
  • Flying Dutchman: Silence!!!! A long time ago, I buried my most prized possession right here in the sea floor below us! Now, I've come back for me beloved 'Dining Sock' but I can't seem to remember where I buried it.
  • Spongebob: What's so special about some old sock anyway?
  • Flying Dutchman: Some old sock!!! Why, I should roast ye where ye stand! Me 'Dining Sock' is the only thing that keeps me Foot from getting cold when I sit down to eat. I've grown hungry for so long! Sorry if I seem a little sour laddie, but I've been starving for out while. Can't ya let an old pirate starve in peace? I need me 'Dinging Sock' if I'm to ever be my ghostly self again.
  • Spongebob: It's the harpoon from 'Jellyfish' the movie!
  • Mack Mackerel: Good afternoon Bikini Bottom! This is Mack Mackerel coming to you live from the Convention Center in downtown Bikini Bottom, hoping to catch first hand coverage of the big unveiling. That's right, the largest pearl to be recovered from the ocean Floor is making its first public appearance right here in Bikini Bottom! What's that? I'm sorry, we seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties right now... Please excuse us for this broadcast delay... And out technicians will be working to fix the problem.
  • Spongebob: Ho, what's going on today?
  • Mack Mackerel: Today was supposed to be the big showing off the ocean's largest pearl, but we just got word that it's delivery has been delayed. To make things even worse, our camera gut brought the wrong equipment, so we can't continue filming here anyway.
  • Spongebob: What's wrong with the equipment that your camera guy brought?
  • Mack Mackerel: The power supply he brought is run with a solar-powered collector.
  • Spongebob: What's wrong with solar power?
  • Mack Mackerel: Nothing...except we're indoors right now aren't we?
  • Spongebob: Ahhh ... And there's no sun doors...YEAH!!! What happened to the pearl?
  • Mack Mackerel: We're getting mixed reports, but one thing is for sure... Without a really large pearl to show off, I have no story.
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: No, no... I, Kevin C. Cucumber, head of the Jellyspotters, use only the finest jellyfishing nets. Next question...
  • Spongebob: Oh my gosh!!!! It's my other hero! Kevin C. Cucumber, head of the Jellyspotters! It's only the most premiere jellyfish enthusiast's club. Now's my chance to talk to him... Hi Kevin...
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: What do you want?
  • Spongebob: Hi Kevin...
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: I said, what do you want, kid?
  • Spongebob: Hiiiii, Kevin .. ...
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Ok, cut it out or I'll call security.
  • Spongebob: Can I bevomr member of yhe Jellyspotters?
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: HAHA! A twerp like you could never become a Jellyspotter.
  • Spongebob: Why not?
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Well, for starters, I bet you couldn't catch a jellyfish even if it swam right into those ridiculous pants of yours... HAHA!
  • Spongebob: I'll have you know that I'm expert jellyfisher.
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Yeah sure, what makes you think you're an expert?
  • Spongebob: Well, once I caught the Framed King Jelly.
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: HAHAHA! That's a riot! Next thing you're gonna tell me is that you live in a big pineapple, right? HAHAHA!
  • Spongebob: Well, uh...
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Well, where is it then?
  • Spongebob: I released it back into Jellyfish Fields.
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Ok then, I'll tell yah what kid... If you can catch the "King Jelly" again I'll let you become a member of the Jellyspotters, and... I'll even throw in a free tube of "Kevin C. Cucumber's Sting Protection Ointment."
  • Spongebob: Ah... Now I can visit Sandy. Uh! That apple is up way to high for me to reach it! No thanks, I've already had enough exercise today. So that's where Tentacle Acres is! I'll bet this thing gets great reception.
  • Sandy: Watch yer wisecracks about my furniture, Spongebob or you're gonna find yourself strung up by yer britches!
  • Spongebob: Hey Sandy...
  • Sandy: Sorry Spongebob, there's no time to talk right now. I'm frazzled more than a lightning bug in a thunderstorm. I'm cravin' some chocolate covered nuts, and I want 'em now!!
  • Spongebob: Sandy... You don't seem like yourself now.
  • Sandy: I reckon you're right. I never thought my cravings would get this bad, but I guess every girl has got her weakness.
  • Sponebob: How can I help?
  • Sandy: Well, if you find me some chocolate covered nuts then I reckon I'll be just fine.
  • Spongebob: Hello there little guy. You look hungry...Are you hungry? Are you hungry because Sandy, in her chocolate deprived craze, forgot to feed you? I'm not sure what you would eat... Would a cracker do the trick? Maybe if I feed you, you'll transform into a beautiful butterfly, fly up to the tree and knock down one of those apples for me... But that's a bit of stretch isn't it? Well, here he is...
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: It... It can't be... Nidaria REX!!!! The King Jelly!!!
  • Spongebob: Can I be a member now?
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: I... I... I guess so. Here, take this.
  • Spongebob: Hey, there, whatcha doing with all this equipment?
  • Biologist: I'm attempting to begin a comprehensive study on the migration patterns of the amazing lifeform known as The Jellyfish.
  • Spongebob: Really? I just love jellyfish-ology!
  • Biologist: Yes, well, that's all well and good, but, uh... Unfortunately, I don't have enough power to supply to my vartous instruments and devices. Without their calculations, I cannot complete my study.
  • Spongebob: Can you tell me anything interesting about Jellyfish?
  • Biologist: Certainly, although it may shock you...
  • Spongebob: I'm ready... I'm ready... I'm ready to hear about jellyfish!
  • Biologist: Well, most people see the jellyfish as a mindless blob goo that drift's through it's life with no purpose. However, I discovered they are actually a superior to bodly go where no jellyfish has gone before.
  • Spongebob: And they picked Bikini Bottom?
  • Biologist: Well, my studies have found that they are searching for a mysterious portal that leads to another realm. According to my calculations, the portal should be right here somewhere in the jellyfish fields!
  • Spongebob: What's wrong with your power supply?
  • Biologist: I only have one battery to run all of this equipment and it doesn't have enough power! I should have brought a solar-powered energy collector. The sun is shining so bright today, that it would certainly be enough to run all of my equipment at maximum efficiency.
  • Spongebob: I wish I had someone I could call! Locked!!! That must be why they call them lockers.
  • Mrs. Puff: All right class! Today is your final boating exam! On each of your decks is a blank sheet of paper! On each of your desks is a blank sheet of paper. Please write a 100 word essay describing "What you learned in boating school." Also, be sure to use pencils only!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Tools of the trade. Hey, Morty, how's it going?
  • Morty: Not good. I keep forgetting the combination to my locker so I wrote it down, but now I've lost the paper! Now I can't get my favorite crackers out of my locker for lunch!
  • Spongebob: Oh, sorry to hear that pal. Where's the combination?
  • Morty: If I knew the answer to that question I wouldn't have a problem. Last time I know I had it I was in the play yard, but I was in a rush to get to class... I must've lost it out there.
  • Spongebob: Can I cheer you up?
  • Morty: I don't think so... I'm so bored right now. I wish I had something fun to do.
  • Spongebob: Hi, Mrs. Puff...
  • Mrs. Puff: Spongebob, I've already the given the instructions for the test... Now, please, take your seat and start writing your essay.
  • Spongebob: Can I have the pencil for the test? I must've left mine at home.
  • Mrs. Puff: I miss the good old days... Children used to revere their teachers. They would give them juicy apples to show their love and appreciation. And in return, the teacher would give them a new pencil. Sigh...
  • Spongebob: Mrs. Puff... Isn't it a little early for us to be taking the final exam? I mean, the school year only started yesterday.
  • Mrs. Puff: Don't be silly Spongebob. I'm confident in the boating skills of this class. Besides, the faster you graduate, the faster I can go on vacation!
  • Spongebob: Strange I didn't see this a minute ago. This combination should work. That won't work. I have something fun you can do.
  • Morty: Oh, yeah, like what?
  • Spongebob: Wanna be in a T.V. show starring Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
  • Morty: You bet I would! Mermaid Man is so awesome!
  • Spongebob: That isn't going to work.
  • Morty: Hey, I just gotta finish this test, and then I'm on my to the set.
  • Spongebob: Hi, I'm here to visit my friend Squidward...
  • Gate Guard: Sorry, no kids are allowed in Tentacle Acres, ahem... Where happiness is just a suction cup away. Besides, the harmonious peace that our community reveals in would appear dull and boring to a child like yourself.
  • Spongebob: Oh, but I really to see my friend!
  • Gate Guard: Enough... Here, take this movie ticket and go cloud your mind with an endless supply of meaningless rabble.
  • Spongebob: Grown-ups sure use a lot of large words... Here's my ticket.
  • Ticket Guy: Right this way sir...
  • Snack Counter Guy: Zzzz... Zzzz... Zzzz....
  • Spongebob: Pssssssstt... Hey, wake up.
  • Snack Counter Guy: Wh... What! What's going on?
  • Spongebob: Sorry I had to wake you up, but I really need something from the snack bar.
  • Snack Counter Guy: Oh no, my boss is gonna be so angry, I better get back to work!
  • Spongebob: I wish I had something to write this number down with.
  • Gill Hammerstein: What!?! You have got to be kidding me! The Dirty Bubble contaminated the Bubble Machine and now his clones are ruining the entire set? Ahhh! Well, get Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy over there... They are superheroes right? Playing checkers?!?! We can send over there to take care of this mess?
  • Spongebob: Anything I can do Mr. Hammerstein?
  • Gill Hammerstein: It's about time you showed up! Listen, the Dirty Bubble is over on the set and he is wrecking the place. Get over there, pop those bubbles, and get hat mess cleaned up!
  • Spongebob: Ok, what are you gonna do?
  • Gill Hammerstein: Haven't we been over this already kid?
  • Spongebob: I hope you didn't get in any trouble.
  • Snack Counter Guy: I didn't thanks to you. I got back just in time... My boss is a real codfish yah know.
  • Spongebob: Why were you sleeping in the bathroom anyway?
  • Snack Counter Guy: Well, this job isn't very action packed if yah know what I mean. It's easy to fall asleep when the most exciting thing you do all day is scrape old gum off of the countertop.
  • Spongebob: Could I have a chocolate bar?
  • Snack Counter Guy: For the guy who saved my scales... You bet!
  • Spongebob: Eat up little guy! Here you go Mrs. Puff!
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh Spongebob, I'm so surprised. You really do care... You actually brought me a apple.
  • Spongebob: Yeah, it was a pretty good one too... Only rotten on one side.
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh Spongebob... Why???
  • Spongebob: Nuh-uh. Not even close. Isn't it amazing the way some companies advertise?
  • Gate Guard: Hello.
  • Spongebob: Oh my goodness! You have to come quick!
  • Gate Guard: What's the matter?
  • Spongebob: Some crazed maniac is playing music in public!
  • Gate Guard: Classical or jazz?
  • Spongebob: Worse... Progressive ROCK!!
  • Gate Guard: Oh no!! Not that! I'll be there on the double!
  • Spongebob: Hey, did you ever manage to track down Mr. Progressive Rock?
  • Gate Guard: How did you know about that? And... How did you get in here?
  • Spongebob: Um...
  • Gate Guard: You tricked me!
  • Spongebob: Sorry...
  • Gate Guard: I'm gonna lose my job because of you!
  • Spongebob: Oh no! Hey, maybe I can help you out.
  • Gate Guard: How?
  • Spongebob: Well, I can get you a new job as an actor on the "New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy."
  • Gate Guard: If I must give in to this kind of corruption to survive then so be it.
  • Spongebob: Um... Is that a yes?
  • Gate Guard: Yes you fool.
  • Gill Hammerstein: Whoa. It's about time you showed up. Ahh, yeah, yeah, I like it. Now, get out here and get to work. You're beautiful!
  • Spongebob: Wow, it's probably really important to know your address around here. Squidward! I've been looking everywhere for you!
  • Squidward: Hello Spongebob.
  • Spongebob: You have to come back to Bikini Bottom with me right now! You have to be in the "New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy"!
  • Squidward: I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I wish I could...
  • Spongebob: Let's go then!
  • Squidward: I can't! This place is so boring that I've lost my will to get up and do anything.
  • Spongebob: I thought you liked it here.
  • Squidward: I did at first, but then after doing the same thing day after day, I got so bored that I actually missed being home.
  • Spongebob: Awwww, you really missed me?
  • Squidward: Alright, enough of the sappy stuff! You have to help me.
  • Spongebob: How can you get your energy back? I could get you a energy drink...
  • Squidward: To be honest, I'd prefer a nice mug of cocoa!
  • Spongebob: No problem... There has to be a coffee shop around ere somewhere. Those things are everywhere.
  • Squidward: Great! And don't forget the whipped cream. I always have whipped cream in my hot cocoa, and you can only get that at Barg 'N Mart.
  • Spongebob: Ok then... Hang in there buddy.
  • Squidward: With you on the job Spongebob I'm sure I'll be hanging for quite awhile.
  • Spongebob: Hi, can I have a cup of cocoa please?
  • Cashier Guy: Welcome to Barg-N-Mart...
  • Spongebob: Hi, where do you keep the whipped cream?
  • Cashier Guy: What do you want it for? Huh, huh...
  • Spongebob: It's, uh, actually for a friend of mine.
  • Cashier Guy: Sure it is pal... It's over there in the back. This is your lucky day. They're giving away free samples. Take as much as you want... No charge.
  • Spongebob: Really, thanks!
  • Cashier Guy: Oh no!!!
  • Spongebob: What's wrong?
  • Cashier Guy: We're having a sale on Sea Nut Butter starting at noon today.
  • Spongebob: So, that's fantastic!
  • Cashier Guy: It's fantastic for everyone except me! Have you ever seen a horde of coupon clad housewives loading up on cheap groceries?
  • Spongebob: Uh, no...
  • Cashier Guy: Well, you're about too!!! Batten down the hatches!!!
  • Spongebob: You can come out now. They're all gone.
  • Cashier Guy: You... You saved me. I've never seen such amazing service skills!
  • Spongebob: Well, I've had some practice. Hey, now that things calmed down around here, would you like to be in "The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?"
  • Cashier Guy: Anything will be better than this job!
  • Spongebob: Great! An enthusiastic person like you will set a great example for the rest of the cast to follow! This must be the last bottle... it's a good thing they hid it back here in the Kelp section. Here yah go! One hot cocoa with whipped cream on top!
  • Squidward: Delicious... Perfect... Wonderful... Spongebob, you actually did something for a change!
  • Spongebob: Now that you are feeling better, will you be in the "New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?"
  • Squidward: If it can get me outta this dump then count me in.
  • Spongebob: Uh-huh... He's back to his old self again. How is your research going?
  • Biologist: Horrible, without a decent power source, like the sun, I can't continue my research.
  • Spongebob: Hey Kevin, now that I'm a fellow Jellyspotter, I want to want to ask you toy to be in a T.V. show I'm casting.
  • Lean Green M'Reen the Biologist: So let me get this straight... Now that you've ruined reputation and deframed me, you want me to be on T.V.?
  • Spongeob: You bet!
  • Lean Green M'Reen the Biologist: Well, that makes just about us, as much sense as everything else around here... I'm in.
  • Barnacle Boy: What have you done this time, you old coot?!
  • Squidward: MERRRRMAIDMAN!!!! That's it, this time I'm calling the police!
  • Barnacle Boy: Quick, Mermaid Man, we need to get out of here to work out what's going on. This all looks... Evil...
  • Mermaid Man: EEEEEVIL??? Quick, Barnacle Boy, to the Merma--!
  • Barnacle Boy: Shhh! Don't give away our secret hideout!
  • Mermaid Man: Oh, yes, good point, Barnacle Boy! To the... Ummm... TO THE SECRET MERMAIDLAIR! AWAAAAAAAAY! T-o-o-oo th-th-the I-I-I-invi-i-is-b-b-b-ble B-o-o-o-aaat M-m-m-o-o-b-i-l-l-l-le!
  • Barnacle Boy: Wait, Mermaid Man, I have some powder spray to help us find the invisible boat mobile!
  • Mermaid Man: No time for that! I sense ... EEEEEVIL!!!!!
  • Officer: It's Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.. they've destroyed Shady Shoals and they're trying to escape! All units, proceed with necessary speed!
  • Spongebob: I got 'em, over!
  • Mr. Krabs: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been arrested for the theft of one Rest Home and are under the suspicion of theft for a number of other buildings around Bikini Bottom.
  • Man Ray: I was nowhere near my utility belt at the time! I was just trying to flush the toliet I tell you!!!! You think that's bad, try actually committing some exceptional crimes and finally getting arrested for jaywalking...
  • Dirty Bubble: MMMHAHAHA... This WHOLE building theft scheme could never have been cooked up by those two idiots... MMHAHAHAHA!!!
  • Man Ray: I concur... In fact, it seems like the Sneaky Hermit! It's up to his old tricks again... He certainly is a crafty one.
  • Dirty Bubble: I've never heard of Sneaky Hermit! ... What does he do?
  • Man Ray: Well, basically... He steals buildings...
  • Dirty Bubble: Well, Man Ray, MMHAHAHAHA... It appears that here has been error and you're free to go. MMMHAHAHAHA!
  • Man Ray: And it appears, Dirty Bubble, that you are too! Come now, there's crime to be had!!!!!
  • Barnacle Boy: Ahhh, um...Evil?
  • Mermaid Man: EEEEEVIL!!!!! To the Invisible Boatmobile! We have to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail at the Shady Shoals! AWAAAYYY!!!!!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, it seems that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of the building thefts but the real culprit is still at large...
  • Patrick: I am not content to merely hold a rest home upon my back... I want more... A whole city belong with me... A whole country... The whole WORLD!!!!!
  • Gary: MEOWRRR!!
  • Man Ray: We've come to welcome you to the neighborhood. MMMHAHAHA!!!!!
  • Dirty Bubble: And if there's anything we can do to help you settle in feel free to...
  • Patrick: Take this creature and go set up distraction for the fools who would seek to stop me! That should keep them gone just long enough... ...Mwahahah!!!!!
  • Gary: MROWRRR!!
  • Barnacle Boy: No clues there, Mermaid Man.
  • Mermaid Man: Well spotted, Barnacle Boy... Looks like we have to talk to the only man in town who knows everyone in Bikini Bottom, inside and out.
  • Barnacle Boy: The X-ray doctor?
  • Mermaid Man: Yes, er, I mean no!! I'm talking about Grubbs the Chef. A simple man, perhaps, but sometimes it is only when one who sees life simply that one can perceive its true meaning.
  • Barnacle Boy: Wow, that's really deep Mermaid Man.
  • Mermaid Man: What's that? What's deep? Who are you?
  • Grubbs the Chief: Yah, I've heard of 'em...
  • Mermaid Man: What have you heard?
  • Grubs the Chief: I've heard that he's uh, really sneaky!
  • Barnacle Boy: Well, that's groundbreaking information...
  • Mermaid Man: I have one more more question Grubbs. How is my order of meatloaf coming along?
  • Patrick: And now that Moron Ray and The Dopey Bubble are occupied, it's time to add a bit more evil to my home...
  • Dirty Bubble: This task should impress our new neighbor. MMMHAHAHAHA!!!!
  • Man Ray: Yes, I see many wonderful years of villainy ahead! Stand down fools!! This ingenious Fry cooking device has rendered our victim helpless!
  • Dirty Bubble: Yes, take one step closer and it's fried damsel in distress!! What?
  • Man Ray: Aaargh!!! You fool!!! You have to save the damsel!!!!! Do I have to spell everything out for you?!? Dirty Bubble, come and let us retire to my lair where we shall inbible the rich nectar of the streamed Tarrazu Monteclelo and Feast upon a delectable selection of profiteroles!
  • Dirty Bubble: Huh?
  • Man Ray: Sigh... Coffee and Donuts. Let's go get some coffee and donuts. Why I even bother talking to you I'll never know...
  • Barnacle Boy: It looks like she set to be floured, battered, lightly reasoned, and then cooked until she's crispy golden brown, with the option of salt!
  • Mermaid Man: Don't worry little lady, we'll get you out of there...
  • Dirty Bubble: Turns out the sneaky hermit sent us here to keep us occupied while he's stole our secret lairs! MMHAHAHAHAHA!!!
  • Man Ray: That really is sneaky! I propose a temporary truce to rid us of this sneaky foe!
  • Barnacle Boy: So, Lean Green M'Reen the Biologist... What can you tell us about the Sneaky Hermit's possible weakness?
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Well, this superior paguristes frontalis
  • Man Ray: A what? Speak of English or I will crush your brain into a lumpy mass with which I could spread across my morning toast!
  • Mermaid Man: MMMM... I love toast!
  • Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Ahem... As I was saying, this superior pagurists, or super hermit hermit crab is very tough indeed. Luckily, he does seem to possess one glaring weakness - Pepper! During his allergic reaction, the sneaky hermit should begin to sneeze violent...
  • Mermaid Man: Perfect.!!! To the final showdown!!!!! AWAAAYY!!!!
  • Mr. Krabs: It seems as if the sneaky hermit cannot be stopped - Why, right now, he's even stealing this very News Station!
  • Barnacle Boy: Your Reign of Terror...
  • Mermaid Man: And sneakiness!
  • Barnacle Boy: Has come to and end!
  • Patrick: Well, well... Do you truly believe your little pathetic alliance is enough to stop me!?
  • Man Ray: Our combined might will spell your ultimate doom sneaky one!
  • Dirty Bubble: MHAHAHA!!! You've run out of places of run and hide anyone, Sneaky Hermit!
  • Patrick: Enough!!!!! Now, my true power shall be unleashed in all its sneaky glory!
  • Man Ray: No no no!!!!!
  • Dirty Bubble: MHAHAHA!!! You cannot with stand this awesome surface tension!
  • Barnacle Boy: You'll pay for that!!!!!
  • Patrick: Ha! I've seen better moves from a baby seal!
  • Dirty Bubble: Time for the secret weapon!!!!!
  • Man Ray: Yes now, while he's occupied!!!!!
  • Patrick: No! No! NO!!!!! How could you know? Achooo!!!!! My only weakness!!!!! Achooo!!!!!
  • Dirty Bubble: Pssstt ... Man Ray... What now?
  • Man Ray: Um... You fought well, do-gooders, but now we must bid you ado!!!!! Come, Dirty Bubble, and let our evil bet set free upon the world once again!
  • Dirty Bubble: Yes! Let us wash this clean taste from our mouths.... MMHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
  • Barnacle Boy: Well, I guess everything is back to normal again.
  • Mermaid Man: Yup.
  • Barnacle Boy: Um, are you gonna pull up your pants, Mermaid Man?
  • Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. All in good time.
  • Squidward: Found YOU!!!!!
  • Patrick: NOO!!! Please... Don't let her take me back there... Please!!!! Take me to the cops... To prison... To a sci-fi convention... Just, please... Not there!!!
  • Squidward: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Get back to Shady Shoals Now!!!
  • Mermaid Man: Yes Ma'am...
  • Karen: Biologic analysis of the "secret formula" is stalled at 99% The final parameter, a.k.a. ingredient, cannot be determined.
  • Spongebob: Hi Karen... Are you still trying to discover the secret formula of a Krabby Patty?
  • Karen: Um... Negatory... I'm am, en, analyzing a different "secret formula."
  • Spongebob: Oh, ok... Are you and Plankton, uh... You know uh... Betrohed?
  • Karen: You're a nosy little sponge, aren't you?
  • Spongebob: Well then... Do you know the combination to open the storage closet?
  • Karen: Of course I know the combination, but I cannot give it to you.
  • Spongebob: Why not?
  • Karen: I'm only programmed to give that combination to Plankton.
  • Spongebob: Can't you make an exception?
  • Karen: No...
  • Spongebob: (Plankton's voice) Karen!!!!! I order you to give me the combination to that storage closet!!!!!
  • Karen: Oh, what's the matter? Are your plans for world domination not coming together... Again?
  • Spongebob: (Plankton's voice) No need to rub it in!! Now, hand over that combination!!!!
  • Karen: Nice to see you too, honey...
  • Spongebob: (Plankton's voice) Hehehe, I knew it.
  • Karen: What did you say?
  • Spongebob: (Plankton's voice) Uh, nothing dear! (Normal Voice) Aha, this should do it! The Squeaky Oil gets the Oil. Awesome! Now, I just need to find some kind of wireless controller to get him of Plankton.
  • Plankton: It's about time you beclie! Another second there and I'd ave been a goner! Now, I can get back to world domination!
  • Spongebob: Hey Plantkon... Now that you're free, how would you and robotic Spongebob like to be in a T.V. show?
  • Plankton: Hmmm... A popular wordwide medium could be used to manipulate the thoughts and minds of the countless mindless idiots that watch! Count us in!!!!
  • Spongebob: Hey Karen... How would you like to be in a T.V. show?
  • Karen: Very funny... And who am I supposed to be in the show? Someone's laptop?
  • Spongebob: No!! In fact, I find you possess a soul and with not often found in macro-processors.
  • Karen: Yeah, you're right... Okay, I'll upload myself over to the set.
  • Spongebob: Um, ok...
  • Karen: That was computer humor... Oh! Nevermind...
  • Spongebob: Hey Larry! How's your workout going today?
  • Larry the Lobster: Hey Spongebob. My workout was turning out truly righteous today... My pecks were almost bursting outta my shell, but then the worst thing happened.
  • Spongebob: Oh no! What?
  • Larry the Lobster: Well, I was over at the pincer press and I was using some pretty gnarly weight. During my last set, I slipped and overextended my thorax! Now, I can't even finish my workout.
  • Spongebob: Maybe you should take it easy for the rest of the day.
  • Larry the Lobster: No way, little buddy. A lifeguard has to stay in perfect shape. I mean peoples' lives are sit strike dude.
  • Spongebob: Can I do anything to help?
  • Larry the Lobster: I need some fast energy to make sure I don't pull anymore of my muscles. The juice bar makes a great drink with wild berries that really works great, but...
  • Spongebob: But what? Can't you just get some of his wild berry energy drink from the juice bar?
  • Larry the Lobster: I would, but they're out of the wild berries!
  • Spongebob: I need a wild berry energy drink...
  • Juice Man: You mean Crustacean Cooler?
  • Spongebob: Yeah, sure that's it...
  • Juice Man: Well, we're out of wild berries and I don't have the recipe anymore either.
  • Spongebob: What do you do with the recipe?
  • Juice Man: I gave it to some guy with two heads. He's a bouncer at some place that's supposed to be really tough. If you bring me the wild berries and the recipe together, I'll make you some "Crustacean Cooler".
  • Spongebob: I really need to learn how to swim. Oh well, at least I can catch some nice rays! I'll just head in there and slip into my bathing suit!
  • Guy: Hey, hurry up!
  • Spongebob: Just a minute please!
  • Guy 2: There's other people out here waiting you know!!!!!
  • Spongebob: I said just a minute!!!!!
  • Guy 3: Alright, that's it... If you aren't coming out... Then we're coming in!
  • Spongebob: Ho.
  • Bouncer: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon...
  • Bouncer 2: How tough are yah?
  • Spongebob: What makes you so tough?
  • Bouncer: Um, well, I...
  • Bouncer 2: Never mind that dummy! Take this recipe kid... It tells you how to make "Crustacean Cooler."
  • Bouncer: Yah, it can even make a weenie like you pretty tough!
  • Spongebob: I'm, uh, really tough, so I guess I'll be going in... Only, of course, if you say it's ok sir, er, sirs.
  • Bouncer: HAHA!!!!! Sorry kid, but I've seen grandmothers that are tougher than you.
  • Bouncer 2: Yah, me too.
  • Bouncer: Shaddap you!
  • Spongebob: Now, can I go in?
  • Bouncer: No way!
  • Bouncer 2: Yeah, a kid like you belongs next door at Weenie Hut Jrs.
  • Spongebob: Weenie Hut Jrs?!?!?! Hey Marvin... How's it going?
  • Marvin: Glad you finally made it here Spongebob.
  • Spongebob: What do you mean "Finally."
  • Marvin: I mean that you Finally admitted to your weenieness!
  • Spongebob: But, I'm not a weenie!
  • Marvin: But you are here at Weenie Hut Jrs.
  • Spongebob: I, uh... I'm here on business!!!!! What's the best thing to have here?
  • Marvin: The Jellyfish Jelly ice cream is the best, but they're still out of jellyfish jelly. But, they still have plain ice cream. Just ask the guy at the counter and he'll give you some.
  • Spongebob: Well then, why do you hang out here?
  • Marvin: I have learned to embrace myself as a weenie and I'm not ashamed anymore. Believe me... You'll a lot happier when you freely admit that you are one too.
  • Spongebob: But, I'm not a Weenie! Can I have some ice cream?
  • Robotic Weenie: Coming right up... Here you go... Weenie. Weenie.
  • Spongebob: But, I'm not a Weenie! Do you wanna be in the "New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" I.V. show?
  • Marvin: Um, that depends...
  • Spongebob: On what?
  • Marvin: Is the show based on the "Challenge of the League of Super Acquaintances" or the later, and definitely less cool. Mermaid Man and his Finny Friends adventure hour?
  • Spongebob: I don't know, but I bet Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy will sign an autograph of you if you do that.
  • Marvin: Oh, boy, I'm in!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Hi... That's a neat, uh, thing you have there. Is it for making really big sand castles?
  • Treasure Hunter: No, it's a metal detector that I use for finding burred treasure, but it's really not much good for anything right now.
  • Spongebob: What's wrong with it?
  • Treasure Hunter: The problem is that its battery is dead, so it doesn't work anymore. It's not fair! I was so close...
  • Spongebob: Have you found any treasure?
  • Treasure Hunter: No, but I know that I'm close to the greatest treasure in all the seal.
  • Spongebob: What treasure is that?
  • Treasure Hunter: Why, the lost treasure of the infamous Flying Dutchman of course! Legend has it buried his treasures right here on this beach! All I have to do is find it!
  • Spongebob: Whoa! Ghost story...
  • Treasure Hunter: I'll say. Too bad his darn metal detector or is useless now.
  • Spongebob: I bet they won't mind if I take little jelly. What could be dangerous about jumping head first into a gigantic swirling purple vortex? WAHOOOOO!!!!!! That was great! I wonder where I am now. Ah, Kelp... The salad of the sea. Well, you know what they say... You can lead a seashore to water but you can't make it swim. Even though you can find it all over the ocean floor, there is definitely something special about this Pile of Sand. I've gotta do SOMETHING with these things... But that isn't it. I'm not quite sure what those are, and I don't think I should get enough to find out. Well, hello, there.
  • Patar: Bloogam Patar!!!! Ugooo!!!!!
  • Spongebob: You know... You look just like my best buddy, Patrick. Except, you're a little bit, well... Harrier.
  • Patar: Patar!!!! Ahhh!!!! Ugooo!!!
  • Spongebob: Wow, you sound a lot like him too! Whatcha doing out here?
  • Patar: Patar!!!! Blooga!!!!! Ugooo!!!!! Uhuh!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Well silly, that's because you should cook your food before you eat it.
  • Patar: Blooga!!!! Patar!!!! Ahhhh!!!!!
  • Spongebob: It doesn't like you have a fry grill anywhere close around here, so we'll have to come up with something a bit more primitive. Wow, a fire pit. This is what the fry cooks of old used. I could swear that I've been here before. Maybe someone who lives around he can tell me where I am. Looks like Jellyfishing has always been popular. Hi there! I'm sorta lost. Would you mind...
  • Spongegar: Grah!! Uhh!! Grrrr!!! Spongegar!!
  • Spongebob: What's that you say?
  • Spongegar: Grah!! Grrrr!!! Uhh!!!!
  • Spongebob: I see... You're tired of eating seaweed want some jelly ice cream isntead.
  • Spongegar: Spongegar!!!! Uhh!!!!! Grah!!! Grrrrr!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Of course I can understand you. Ice cream is the universal language. I'll be back as soon as I can find some.
  • Spongegar: Spongegar!!!! Unh!!!! Grah!! Grrrr!!!! Ice cream!!!!
  • Spongebob: I scream, you scream... Well, especially you, SCREAM for ICE CREAM! I know you probably have a bit of brain freeze right now but, would you like to be in a T.V. show?
  • Spongegar: Unh!!!! Garah!!! Grrrr!!!!! Ahhh!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Glad to hear it! Mr. Hammerstein is sure gonna be happy about this! Locked! How do you like that? Well, I suppose the owner of this house has got to be around somewhere.
  • Squog: Ehhh!!!!! Ahhhh!!!!! Squog!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Now who would go and leave 2 perfectly good sticks just lying around? Is this post-modernism or just a fin-painting? Are you ok? I haven't seen anyone get stung like that since the great jelly scare of 47'.
  • Squog: Squog!!!!! Ehhhh!!!!! Nah!!!!!
  • Spongebob: That's a lovely portrait. It must have taken days to chisel it.
  • Squog: Ehhh!!!!! Ahhhh!!!!! Squog!!!!!
  • Spongebob: You should really get some sting protection ointment on those welts.
  • Squog: Squog!!!! Ahhhh!!!!! Nah!!!!!
  • Spongebob: No need to get excited I'll get you some.
  • Squog: Ehhhh!!!!! Yahh!!!!! Squog!!!!!
  • Spongebob: It worked! You're good as new! I must say that you are looking a lot less creepy now! How would a concured art lover like yourself like to conquer the art form of acting?
  • Squog: Ehhh!!!!! Squog!!!!! Uhn!!!!!
  • Spongebob: No, no giant Jellyfish will be allowed on the set.
  • Squog: Squog!!!!! Uhn!!!! Ehn!!!!!
  • Spongebob: You'll do it? Wonderful.
  • Squog: Ehhh!!!!! Squog!!!!! Uhn!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Ok, see you on the set. I'm sure this will work just like it in the movies. There yah go. Now you can eat some decent grub.
  • Patar: Patar!!!! Blooga!!!! Ugooo!!!!! Grubs!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Well I guess you can cook the grub that you can grub on.
  • Patar: Duh!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Now that your tummy feels better, would you mind if I signed you up to be in a T.V. show I'm helping to put together?
  • Patar: Blooga!!!! Patar!!!! Ugooo!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Of course there will be food. We have catering!
  • Patar: Blooga!!!! Patar!!!! Ugooo!!!!!
  • Spongebob: Great! I'll see you soon! I mean, do you really believe all that nonsense about staying away from wild berries? I should probably make it a rule to steer clear of any massive steaming lakes of goo that I come across out here. Is there a more majestic creature than a wild oyster? I think NOT! Maybe this little fella could use a little extra sand for his bed... I probably shouldn't disturb it anymore... It's all "ClAMMED" up how anyway... Well, squeeze me dry and call me Gerald! It worked!
  • Juice Man: Ok, one "Crustacean Cooler" coming right up. Here you go.
  • Spongebob: Here, take a slug of this.
  • Larry the Lobster: Thanks Spongebob! I am totally back in shape and really to workout again!
  • Spongebob: Hey Larry, I know lifeguarding is really important, but would you be interested in being on a T.V. show?
  • Larry the Lobster: Is it a show about lifeguarding?
  • Spongebob: Well, it is a show about heroes.
  • Larry the Lobster: Count me in then... As long as I can workout between takes.
  • Spongebob: Hey, Mrs. Puff... I know this probably isn't the best time...
  • Mrs. Puff: What do you want now, Spongebob?
  • Spongebob: Well, you're my favorite teacher, and I really want you to be in The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy T.V. show I'm helping to cast.
  • Mrs. Puff: If I say yes, will you leave me be?
  • Spongebob: Sure!
  • Mrs. Puff: Okay then... I'll be along as soon as I... Calm down.
  • Spongebob: Wow! That little guy sure grew up! That is HUGE oyster! I wonder if it remebers me? Mother of Pearl!!!!! This thing is awesome!
  • Mack Mackeral: Sorry kid, I don't have time to talk... I need to get my hands on a huge pearl soon on my career as a reporter is over.
  • Spongebob: Is this big pearl enough?
  • Mack Mackeral: Holy Seacow! Where'd you get that? Nevermind... That's definitely big enough! Hey, I'll tell yah what... As a reward you can have the solar-powered collector. Maybe you can find a use for it.
  • Spongebob: When your report is over, do you think you might be interested in appearing in the New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy T.V. show?
  • Mack Mackeral: Well, I am great on camera, but I'm still a journalist at heart.
  • Spongebob: Hey, maybe you could do an investigation report about what it's like to be on a hit T.V. show.
  • Mark Mackeral: Yeah, yeah... Documentaries are huge these days. Count me in!
  • Spongebob: Will this contraption help out with your power problems?
  • Biologist: Hmmm... Why yes, it most certainly will! Once I connect this solar collector to my devices, they will begin functioning properly again. I can't thank you enough for your help, but... Here, take this battery... Al thought it was not enough to power my equipment, it may still be of use to you.
  • Spongebob: Wow! Thanks! I know you're very busy, but I'm casting a T.V. show called "The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" and I would like you to be in it.
  • Biologist: Can I bring some jellyfish on the show?
  • Spongebob: Sure, every good superhero show has some aliens in it somewhere! With this battery get your metal detector working again?
  • Treasure Hunter: Hmm... Yeah, I think it will work! Now, just give me a moment! Aha! I've got something! That's it... One measly coin and some dumb piece of paper! I knew I should've listened to me mother. She told me to stay in school and become a doctor, but no... I had to go off and become a treasure hunter... What a waste! Here's your share kid...
  • Spongebob: Wow, thanks I guess. X marks the spot!
  • Camper: Eureka! Let's go after it!
  • Camper 2: Weeee Doggeeee!
  • Camper: Alrighty, here it is!
  • Camper 2: A wonderful, glorious... Old sock?!?!
  • Camper: You have got to be kidding me! I can't believe we've spent all this time looking for a dirty, holey piece of foot cotton!
  • Camper 2: There yah kid. If any of us deserve this "priceless" item... It's you.
  • Spongebob: Woohoo! I think it's even pirate boot scented. Is your special "Dining Sock"?
  • Flying Dutchman: Shiver me timbers and hoist me sails! It's me "Dining Sock"! I can finally eat again!
  • Spongebob: Hooray!!!
  • Flying Dutchman: In fact... I'm so hungry that I think I'll start with you!
  • Spongebob: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
  • Flying Dutchman: Hey, relax laddie... Just ghost-pirate humor. You've returned me "Dining Sock" and, for that, I owe ye something. I will grant ye three wishes of which you may ask me for anything ye heart desires.
  • Spongebob: Wow... Three wishes!! I know just what I'll ask for. I'm ready to use my three wishes!
  • Flying Dutchman: Well let's have them then! I haven't got all day!
  • Spongebob: Sheesh, I really wish you wouldn't rush me...
  • Flying Dutchman: Fine... Take all the time you need. Two wishes left.
  • Spongebob: Oh no!!! I wish I'd learn to keep my mouth shut...
  • Flying Dutchman: I thought you'd never ask... You've got one wish left.
  • Spongebob: Barnacles!!!! I wish that you would take a part in The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy T.V. show!
  • Flying Dutchman: Argh!!! The only thing worse than starvin' is television!!!! So be it!
  • Spongebob: I wonder what could be in here.
  • Sandy: Sweet buns from the oven! Wew! That was just what the doctor ordered!
  • Spongebob: Feeling better now Sandy?
  • Sandy: Yeah... Spongebob, I'm sorry for acting so strange before.
  • Spongebob: It's no big deal.
  • Sandy: Is is to me. I owe you one little buddy.
  • Spongebob: Sandy, I'm helping to put together a cast for The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. I'd really like you to be in it.
  • Sandy: Anything for you Spongebob, but what makes you think I can be an actress?
  • Spongebob: Are you kidding? Only a great actress can act as crazy as you did.
  • Sandy: Well, ok, let's get this show on the road.
  • Spongebob: Since this job is letting you down, why don't you try a career as an actor?
  • Snack Counter Guy: Sounds great! Too bad I have no idea how to act.
  • Spongebob: No problem, acting is the easy part. Getting cast on a show is the real trick.
  • Snack Counter Guy: Okay, but who would put me in their show?
  • Spongebob: I would! Consider yourself cast on the New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
  • Snack Counter Guy: Wow! Sleeping on the job was the smartest move I made in a long time!
  • Spongebob: I was wondering if a couple of tough guys like yourselves wanna be in a new action-packed T.V. show.
  • Bouncer: Is it a tough show?
  • Spongebob: Chockful and action! And... Toughness!
  • Bouncer 2: Hey, then we're in...
  • Spongebob: Awesome! 2 actors for the piece of one! Now that you've found the treasure you were searching for, would you like to be in a TV. show?
  • Treasure Hunter: Sure! I gotta pay the bills somehow.
  • Spongebob: Great! See you on the set! How would the two of you like to be in a T.V. show?
  • Camper: What's T.V.?
  • Camper 2: Ahh shucks yah dummy, a T.V. is one of those little boxes that lights up all pretty and such.
  • Camper: Oh, in that case, sure we'll be in your little show.
  • Camper 2: Yeah. It ain't like we got much to do out here anymore.
  • Spongbob: Great! Feel free to take a bath beforehand... Yah know... If you want too. Would you like to be in a new television show that I'm helping to cast?
  • Ghost Pirate: Television show, huh... Can I play a pirate?
  • Spongebob: Well, ok, but don't get upset. If you wind up being typecasted for the rest of your life, er, un-life, er, afterlife.
  • Ghost Pirate: Oh boy, wait til the Captain hears about this!
  • Spongbob: Hey, this might a little strange, but how would you like to be in a TV show?
  • Hot Dog Vendor: Well, that would be great, but I have all these weenies I have to sell.
  • Spongebob: No problem... Everyone on the set will be hungry. I bet they would love some weenies!
  • Hot Dog Vendor: Really, well, uhh...could I wear my hat in the show?
  • Spongebob: I hope that you do.
  • Hot Dog Vendor: Great! Sign me up.
  • Spongebob: Hey, now that your job is pretty much done here... Would you like to be in the New Adventures of Mermaid Man an...
  • Fry Cook Tour Guide: You are the one... The Royal Fry Cook... My will is yours to command!
  • Spongebob: Um...Great!
  • Gill Hammerstein: It's about time you'd showed up. Yeah, yeah. I like it. Now, get out here and get to work. You're beautiful!
  • Barnacle Boy: What have you done this time, you old coot?!
  • Sandy: MERRRRMAIDMAN!!!! That's it, this time I'm calling the police!
  • Barnacle Boy: Quick, Mermaid Man, we need to get out of here to work out what's going on. This all looks... Evil...
  • Mermaid Man: EEEEEVIL??? Quick, Barnacle Boy, to the Merma--!
  • Barnacle Boy: Shhh! Don't give away our secret hideout!
  • Mermaid Man: Oh, yes, good point, Barnacle Boy! To the... Ummm... TO THE SECRET MERMAIDLAIR! AWAAAAAAAAY! T-o-o-oo th-th-the I-I-I-invi-i-is-b-b-b-ble B-o-o-o-aaat M-m-m-o-o-b-i-l-l-l-le!
  • Barnacle Boy: Wait, Mermaid Man, I have some powder spray to help us find the invisible boat mobile!
  • Mermaid Man: No time for that! I sense ... EEEEEVIL!!!!!
  • Officer: It's Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.. they've destroyed Shady Shoals and they're trying to escape! All units, proceed with necessary speed!
  • Bouncer: I got 'em, over!
  • Mack Mackarel: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been arrested for the theft of one Rest Home and are under the suspicion of theft for a number of other buildings around Bikini Bottom.
  • Man Ray: I was nowhere near my utility belt at the time! I was just trying to flush the toliet I tell you!!!! You think that's bad, try actually committing some exceptional crimes and finally getting arrested for jaywalking...
  • Dirty Bubble: MMMHAHAHA... This WHOLE building theft scheme could never have been cooked up by those two idiots... MMHAHAHAHA!!!
  • Man Ray: I concur... In fact, it seems like the Sneaky Hermit! It's up to his old tricks again... He certainly is a crafty one.
  • Dirty Bubble: I've never heard of Sneaky Hermit! ... What does he do?
  • Man Ray: Well, basically... He steals buildings...
  • Dirty Bubble: Well, Man Ray, MMHAHAHAHA... It appears that here has been error and you're free to go. MMMHAHAHAHA!
  • Man Ray: And it appears, Dirty Bubble, that you are too! Come now, there's crime to be had!!!!!
  • Barnacle Boy: Ahhh, um...Evil?
  • Mermaid Man: EEEEEVIL!!!!! To the Invisible Boatmobile! We have to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail at the Shady Shoals! AWAAAYYY!!!!!
  • Mack Mackarel: Well, it seems that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of the building thefts but the real culprit is still at large...
  • Patrick: I am not content to merely hold a rest home upon my back... I want more... A whole city belong with me... A whole country... The whole WORLD!!!!!
  • Gary: MEOWRRR!!
  • Man Ray: We've come to welcome you to the neighborhood. MMMHAHAHA!!!!!
  • Dirty Bubble: And if there's anything we can do to help you settle in feel free to...
  • Plankton: Take this creature and go set up distraction for the fools who would seek to stop me! That should keep them gone just long enough... ...Mwahahah!!!!!
  • Gary: MROWRRR!!
  • Barnacle Boy: No clues there, Mermaid Man.
  • Mermaid Man: Well spotted, Barnacle Boy... Looks like we have to talk to the only man in town who knows everyone in Bikini Bottom, inside and out.
  • Barnacle Boy: The X-ray doctor?
  • Mermaid Man: Yes, er, I mean no!! I'm talking about Grubbs the Chef. A simple man, perhaps, but sometimes it is only when one who sees life simply that one can perceive its true meaning.
  • Barnacle Boy: Wow, that's really deep Mermaid Man.
  • Mermaid Man: What's that? What's deep? Who are you?
  • Grubbs the Chief: Yah, I've heard of 'em...
  • Mermaid Man: What have you heard?
  • Grubs the Chief: I've heard that he's uh, really sneaky!
  • Barnacle Boy: Well, that's groundbreaking information...
  • Mermaid Man: I have one more more question Grubbs. How is my order of meatloaf coming along?
  • Plankton: And now that Moron Ray and The Dopey Bubble are occupied, it's time to add a bit more evil to my home...
  • Dirty Bubble: This task should impress our new neighbor. MMMHAHAHAHA!!!!
  • Man Ray: Yes, I see many wonderful years of villainy ahead! Stand down fools!! This ingenious Fry cooking device has rendered our victim helpless!
  • Dirty Bubble: Yes, take one step closer and it's fried damsel in distress!! What?
  • Man Ray: Aaargh!!! You fool!!! You have to save the damsel!!!!! Do I have to spell everything out for you?!? Dirty Bubble, come and let us retire to my lair where we shall inbible the rich nectar of the streamed Tarrazu Monteclelo and Feast upon a delectable selection of profiteroles!
  • Dirty Bubble: Huh?
  • Man Ray: Sigh... Coffee and Donuts. Let's go get some coffee and donuts. Why I even bother talking to you I'll never know...
  • Barnacle Boy: It looks like she set to be floured, battered, lightly reasoned, and then cooked until she's crispy golden brown, with the option of salt!
  • Mermaid Man: Don't worry little lady, we'll get you out of there...
  • Dirty Bubble: Turns out the sneaky hermit sent us here to keep us occupied while he's stole our secret lairs! MMHAHAHAHAHA!!!
  • Man Ray: That really is sneaky! I propose a temporary truce to rid us of this sneaky foe!
  • Barnacle Boy: So, Lean Green M'Reen the Biologist... What can you tell us about the Sneaky Hermit's possible weakness?
  • Lean Green M'Reen the Biologist: Well, this superior pasteurizes frontalis.
  • Man Ray: A what? Speak of English or I will crush your brain into a lumpy mass with which I could spread across my morning toast!
  • Mermaid Man: MMMM... I love toast!
  • Lean Green M'Reen the Biologist: Ahem... As I was saying, this superior pagurists, or super hermit hermit crab is very tough indeed. Luckily, he does seem to possess one glaring weakness - Pepper! During his allergic reaction, the sneaky hermit should begin to sneeze violent...
  • Mermaid Man: Perfect.!!! To the final showdown!!!!! AWAAAYY!!!!
  • Mack Mackarel: It seems as if the sneaky hermit cannot be stopped - Why, right now, he's even stealing this very News Station!
  • Barnacle Boy: Your Reign of Terror...
  • Mermaid Man: And sneakiness!
  • Barnacle Boy: Has come to and end!
  • Plankton: Well, well... Do you truly believe your little pathetic alliance is enough to stop me!?
  • Man Ray: Our combined might will spell your ultimate doom sneaky one!
  • Dirty Bubble: MHAHAHA!!! You've run out of places of run and hide anyone, Sneaky Hermit!
  • Plankton: Enough!!!!! Now, my true power shall be unleashed in all its sneaky glory!
  • Man Ray: No no no!!!!!
  • Dirty Bubble: MHAHAHA!!! You cannot with stand this awesome surface tension!
  • Barnacle Boy: You'll pay for that!!!!!
  • Plankton: Ha! I've seen better moves from a baby seal!
  • Dirty Bubble: Time for the secret weapon!!!!!
  • Man Ray: Yes now, while he's occupied!!!!!
  • Patrick: No! No! NO!!!!! How could you know? Achooo!!!!! My only weakness!!!!! Achooo!!!!!
  • Dirty Bubble: Pssstt ... Man Ray... What now?
  • Man Ray: Um... You fought well, do-gooders, but now we must bid you ado!!!!! Come, Dirty Bubble, and let our evil bet set free upon the world once again!
  • Dirty Bubble: Yes! Let us wash this clean taste from our mouths.... MMHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
  • Barnacle Boy: Well, I guess everything is back to normal again.
  • Mermaid Man: Yup.
  • Barnacle Boy: Um, are you gonna pull up your pants, Mermaid Man?
  • Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. All in good time.
  • Squidward: Found YOU!!!!!
  • Plankton: NOO!!! Please... Don't let her take me back there... Please!!!! Take me to the cops... To prison... To a sci-fi convention... Just, please... Not there!!!
  • Sandy: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Get back to Shady Shoals Now!!!
  • Mermaid Man: Yes Ma'am...