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  • (The Sesame Street sketch begins with spotlights moving in different directions over an aqua-blue wall with yellow frowning faces.)
  • Announcer: Welcome to America's most emotional game show, The Crying Game!
  • (The words The Crying Game Show in blue zoom into the screen with a yellow frowny face. Then it moves away.)
  • Announcer: And now, here he is, America's friendliest game show host, the man with the teeth, Sonny Friendly!
  • (Sonny Friendly comes through the golden, glittery curtains.)
  • Sonny Friendly: (laughs) Yeah! Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you! Hey, are we having a nice day or what? (crowd cheers) Yeah, we sure are. (walks over to three contestants) Yeah. Okay, let's meet today's contestants on... The Crying Game. (fanfare plays) Uh-huh. First from Fon du Lac, Winsconsin, we have Mr. Luke Warm!
  • Luke Warm: (bows) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (to Sonny Friendly) And how do you do?
  • Sonny Friendly: Mm-hm, I do pretty good. Nice to have you here, Luke. And now from the great state of Kansas, here's Miss Ida Nomer!
  • (Ida Nomer bows to the audience.)
  • Ida Nomer: Just call me Miss Nomer.
  • Sonny Friendly: Okay, I will do that! And next, here he is, all the way from Paris, France, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Gordon Bleu!
  • Pierre Blue: Bonjour, America! Bonjour!
  • Sonny Friendly: Whatever you say, Pierre. Alright, now here's how we play The Crying Game. Each of you will hear a sad, sad story and whoever cries the best, according to our studio audience, will win today's special prize! (fanfare plays) (crowd cheers) Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay, are you ready for your sad, sad stories?
  • Luke Warm: Oh yeah.
  • Ida Nomer: You bet.
  • Pierre Blue: Oui, oui, oui!
  • Sonny Friendly: Okay. Alright. Terrific! So let's start with you, Luke! Here goes. It's Friday. The phone rings. It's your best friend, Bill. And he tells you that he can't come over and... play! HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL, HUH, LUKE?!?
  • Luke Warm: B-B-B-Bill can't play? Oh no! (sniffles and weeps)
  • Sonny Friendly: Yeah, yeah, good crying, Luke. (crowd claps and cheers) Yeah, that was good. Nice touch with that nose thing there. Yeah. That was terrific. Alright. Miss Ida Nomer, Miss Nomer, here is your sad story. (sniffle) You're out feeding the chickens. And suddenly, your chickens run away and join the circus! Yeah.
  • Ida Nomer: But I love my chickens! (sobs)
  • Sonny Friendly: (crowd claps and cheers) Beautiful. Beautiful, Ida. Yeah, a real gusher. Yeah. (to Pierre Blue) Okay, Pierre. Are you ready for you sad story?
  • Pierre Blue: Oui.
  • Sonny Friendly: Mm-hmm. Well, are you or not, Pierre?
  • Pierre Blue: Yes, I am ready. Go on, go on.
  • Sonny Friendly: Okay, okay. You're eating breakfast at your favorite bistro.
  • Pierre Blue: Uh-huh.
  • Sonny Friendly: You order orange juice,...
  • Pierre Blue: Uh-huh.
  • Sonny Friendly: ...cereal,...
  • Pierre Blue: Uh-huh.
  • Sonny Friendly: ...and a croissant.
  • Pierre Blue: Uh-huh.
  • Sonny Friendly: But... they're all out of croissants!
  • Crowd: Awwww!
  • Sonny Friendly: Yeah. How about it, Pierre?
  • Pierre Blue: No croissants?!? How can that be?!? Are we not civilized?!? (crying) BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!! AHH BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!!
  • Sonny Friendly: Are they passionate people or what? Yeah, yeah. Okay, audience. It's time to vote. Yeah. But first, let's tell our contestants here about today's fabulous prize!
  • Announcer: Today's best cryer will win Sonny Friendly's very own teddy bear! (fanfare plays)
  • (The golden curtains open up, revealing Sonny Friendly's teddy bear. His teddy bear has his hairdo and has his teeth printed on it. The camera zooms into the teddy bear.)
  • Pierre Blue: (offscreen) Oh!
  • Sonny Friendly: (offscreen) My teddy bear?!? That's the prize?!? But... (cuts back to him with the contestants) (onscreen) But I love my teddy bear! You can't do that! (sobs very hard)
  • Announcer: Sonny Friendly, you are the best cryer on The Crying Game! (fanfare plays) YOU WIN!!! (crowd claps and cheers)
  • Sonny Friendly: I win? You mean I get to keep my teddy bear? (gasp) Woah! This is the happiest day of my life! Yeah, thank you! Thank you! Yeah. But what do we have for our contestants here? Huh?
  • Announcer: Nothing!
  • Luke Warm: Nothing? That's awful!
  • Ida Nomer: That's not fair!
  • Luke Warm: No.
  • Pierre Blue: It makes me so sad!
  • Luke Warm: (sniffles and weeps)
  • Ida Nomer: (sobbing)
  • Pierre Blue: BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!! BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!!
  • (Sonny Friendly comes in holding his teddy bear.)
  • Sonny Friendly: Well, I guess we can't all be winners, eh? (laughs) Yeah, well thank you and see you next time on The Crying Game! (to his teddy bear) Oh, teddy! It's good to have you back! (kisses teddy bear) Are we having fun or what? Eh? Yeah! This is terrific! Thank you! Thank you everyone!

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