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Quick Shot Ed

[The episode opens in an attic.]
Eddy: "C'mon guys, it's up here." [A door on the floor opens, and Eddy comes through.]
Edd: "Careful Eddy."
Ed: "Who's there?" [Eddy flips a light switch on.]
Eddy: "Told ya!" [The Eds are standing in the middle of fields of debris.]
Ed and Edd: "Cool attic Eddy!"
Eddy: "Eh, my folks are pack rats."
[Edd, walking around, comes upon a toaster, which pops up two slices of moldy toast. Ed comes upon a shelf of records.]
Ed: "Mmm, I found a donut."
Eddy: "That's a record, chowderhead." [He drops a box on his head accidentally.]
[Edd blows the dust off some books. He then picks one up and flips through it, and then looks at another. This one yields a centerfold.]
Edd: "Perfect specimen!" [The centerfold is of a praying mantis.]
[Ed goes over to a coat rack and picks up a fur coat.]
Eddy: [finding a camera] "Way cool!"
Ed: [behind Edd] "I am a werewolf! AWOOO!"
Eddy: "Hey Ed!"
Ed and Edd: [turning around] "Huh?"
[Eddy snaps their picture. The flash makes them dizzy and disoriented. They fall back into a pile of magazines.]
Ed: [starting to unfuzz] "Cool! Do it again, Eddy!"
[Eddy snaps another photo. This one shows Ed and Edd together in the pile. Edd has a book on his head, and Ed is holding up rabbit ears behind Edd.]
Eddy: "Check it out!"
Edd: [seeing spots] "Eddy, I'm temporarily impaired."
Ed: "Let's see let's see!" [He grabs it and looks at it.]
Eddy: "Hey Eds! Let's go take some pictures!" [He snaps yet another shot.]


[The next scene shows some of the pictures. One shows Ed menacing Edd, although the camera is out of focus; the duo can only be seen from the nose up. The next shows Eddy's shoes. The one after that shows Edd and Ed from the chest down. The last one is of Eddy smiling in the foreground while Ed and Edd smile in the back of the photo.]


[Eddy is in the lane, snapping pictures.]
Eddy: "Smile!" [Kevin enters the shot.]
Kevin: "Hey dorks!" [Eddy snaps a picture of Kevin, and the flash goes off.] "I CAN'T SEE!" [Kevin crashes into some trash cans, knocking them over.] "Real smooth, Edhead."
Eddy: [sarcastically] "Sorry, Kevin." [He gets ready to snap another picture.]
Kevin: "Why you'll be sorry, twerp!" [Eddy takes the shot, blinding him] "Stop moving!" [He slips on a bottle and falls into another trashcan. The trashcan tips, and he rolls down the lane in it.]
Ed: "Let's take more pictures!"
Edd: "Hmm. Um, we could make ID cards."
Eddy: "Nah, there's gotta be a way of turning pictures into profit." [He sees a calender lying in the trash.] "Hey! I just stepped into my best idea yet!"
Ed and Edd: "Huh?"
Eddy: "Let's make a calender! We take pictures of the kids, and sell 'em back to 'em." [He snaps a picture, signaling a scene transition.]


[The Eds peek out from behind a pole.]
Edd: "The photo safari begins!" [Eddy runs off, and Edd follows. Ed tries to go after them, but just runs round and round the pole.]
Ed: "Hey! Where did you guys go?"
Eddy: [grabbing Ed] "C'mon."


[A car is seen parked behind some bushes. Strange noises are heard. Suddenly, the Eds stick their heads out from under the car. Eddy hears Jonny humming and stops. The other two run into him.]
Ed: "Oops."
Eddy: "Ssh." [He heads into the bushes. The other two follow. On the other side are Jonny and Plank, on a swing with a book.]
Edd: [whispering] "See how the wild animals nurture their young?"
[Eddy creeps out and gets into a good position to take the photo.]
Jonny: "How much wood cout a woodchuck chuck if a–" [he turns the page and sees something shocking] "–oh my!"
Eddy: [interrupting] "Smile!"
Jonny: "Huh?"
[Eddy takes the shot. Jonny, disoriented, falls off the swing and throws Plank in the air. Eddy laughs until he notices Plank heading for him.]
Eddy: "AAAAH!! PLANK'S GONE MAD!"
Ed and Edd: [seeing Plank] "GAAAH!!!"
Ed, Edd, and Eddy: "PLANK'S GONE MAD!!!"
[Plank lands in the bushes as they run away.]


[Three lumps in a hall rug, presumably the Eds, are moving down the hall.]
Sarah: [offscreen] "Whee!"
Jimmy: [also offscreen] "Whee!"
Sarah: "C'mon Jimmy." [The Eds zip out from under the rug and hide behind a couch.]
Jimmy: [still offscreen] "Oh boy!"
Eddy: "Ssh!" [The camera shifts to show Sarah and Jimmy playing with dolls.]
Jimmy: "You're a very pretty doll. Let's play!"
Sarah: [as male doll] "I need the car." [as female doll] "Take the bus." [as male doll] "Okay, dear."
Jimmy: [to an soldier doll] "I wanna look just like you when I grow up."
Edd: "Some animals get confused, and adopt another animal's traits and characteristics."
[Eddy creeps out and gets the camera ready.]
Jimmy: [oblivious] "Look, Sarah!" [The camera goes off.]
Sarah: [unaffected by the flash] "Look what you did to Jimmy!" [Jimmy is in the corner, crying.]
Eddy: "Hold that pose!"
[Eddy readies the camera. Sarah, having a different idea, rears back to throw a dollhouse at them. She hurls it.]
Ed: "Eddy, I don't think that's–"
Eddy: "AAH!" [He ducks, and the dollhouse hits Edd instead.]
Ed: "Sarah, please don't throw things in the house!" [A doll's head hits him in the mouth. Sarah then goes on a rampage.]
Sarah: "EAT DOLLS!"
[Doll parts go flying everywhere as Ed and Eddy run away.]
Eddy: "Run!"
Edd: [blind, with a dollhouse over his head] "Sarah's gone mad!" [He feels for the windows. He manages to pull the blinds up, allowing him to see. He screams and runs away with the other two. They get outside, and Ed and Eddy hide behind a fence, but Edd keeps running.]
Eddy: "Where's Double D?"
Ed: [after a crash is heard] "There." [Edd has run into a mailbox. All of the dollhouse with the exception of the door (located in his mouth) is off his head.]
Edd: [unable to talk because of the door] "Nu, nu nu nu, nu nu nu nu!"
Eddy: "What? What?"
Edd: Nu nu nu nu nu." [Eddy opens the door] "Look!" [The Eds turn to see someone dancing in a second-story window. They head off to take pictures.]
Ed: "Is that Nazz?"
[Kevin's trash can comes rolling up.]
Kevin: "Dork dork dork."
[The can crashes against a tree in Nazz's yard, and he climbs out, dizzy.] "I see ya." [refocusing] "That's it, I'm coming to get ya!" [Eddy takes a picture, blinding him again.] "Whoa! Where'd ya go, dorks?" [He heads off down the sidewalk away from them. The Eds laugh at him and climb the tree.]


[Nazz is wearing exercise clothes and doing aerobics, presumably to an exercise program on the TV in front of her. The Eds creep up on a tree limb placed perfectly to observe her through the window.]
Edd: "Some animals put on a display, to attract attention of a suitable mate."
Eddy: "Cool."
Ed: [looking through his binoculars] "Wow. TV!"
Eddy: [raising the camera] "Ha!" [the branch shakes] "Will you guys hold still?" [The branch bends and cracks.] "AAAH!!"
[He and the other two fall to the ground. Nazz comes over to the window and looks out, but she doesn't see them. She goes back to her exercise. The Eds lay crumpled under a tree branch. While we watch, a photo develops and slides out of Eddy's mouth. It shows Eddy screaming.]


[The Eds are shown looking into a house. Inside the house, sausages are being churned out. It soon becomes apparent that Rolf is pouring ground pork into a sausage making machine.]
Edd: "Some animals resort to cannibalism during drought or famine."
Ed: "I'm famined!"
Eddy: "You're drought. I can't get a good shot of Rolf from here. Follow me."
[The Eds enter the house. They are completely silent until Ed rushes in.]
Ed: "Hot dog!" [He rushes over to the tub of sausages.]
Rolf: "Get out of here, stupid!"
[Eddy takes a picture. Rolf, blinded, falls into the machine. He comes out the other end as a giant hot dog.]
Rolf: "I am a wiener!"
Ed: [eating sausages] "You are Rolf!"
Rolf: "Victor! We have poachers!" [A goat looks up and charges them like a bull.]
Ed: "Victor?" [seeing the goat] "Guys! Victor!" [He runs for the door.]
Edd and Eddy: "Victor's gone mad!"
[Victor chases him, coming closer and closer. He takes a bite of the string of sausages Ed is holding approximately every yard, emphasizing how close he is getting.]
Ed: "Eddy! Door!" [Eddy slams the door. Although it initially seems as though they stranded Ed inside, it quickly becomes apparent that Ed got out and Eddy closed it in the nick of time.] "That was close."
Eddy: "Let's go take some more phoTOS!" [Victor's head rams through the door, knocking them away.]


[The Eds land on a street, hard. A light then shines on them.]
Eddy: "Huh?"
[The lights are revealed to be Kevin. He has hooked up 5 flashlights, in various places, to his bike. Not only this, but he is now dressed in a sweatshirt and sunglasses in addition to his regular clothing.]
The Eds: "It's Kevin."
[Kevin's mouth moves, but no words are heard.]
[The Eds scream and run away from him. They run through a fence, and then into a house, where Jonny is seen bathing. Eddy, noticing this, goes back and takes a picture, but he sees Kevin catching up and so he runs again.]
Jonny: "Do you think they saw anything, Plank?"
[The Eds are now running through a junkyard (although this isn't the one seen later on). Kevin is still after them. The Eds fall into a tire and roll down a hill in it. They manage to jump a road at the bottom of the hill.]
Kevin: "I've got you dorks! Uh oh." [A garbage truck comes along, and he falls in.]


[The Eds, still in the tire, fall into a river. They float downstream, into a sewage pipe.]
Eddy: "Bleah! This place reeks!"
Edd: "I think we lost Kevin."
Ed: [pointing to a ladder] "Look!"
Eddy: "Good work, Ed!" [They prepare to surmount the ladder and exit the sewer.]


Ed: [looking around] "All clear!"
Eddy: "How'd we end up at the trailer park?"
Edd: [remembering the Kankers] "We should go now, Eddy."
Eddy: "Not a chance! One more picture and we can finish our calendar!" [The camera pans over the Park 'n Flush before settling on the Kankers' trailer.] "And there it is."
Ed and Edd: [frightened] "The Kanker Sisters!"
[They creep up to the trailer. Inside, Lee and Marie are seen doing their hair. On the outside, the Eds are forming a ladder to look in the window.]
Marie: "I'm gonna have my best hair yet. We're gonna be irresistible!"
Lee: "You bet!" [to May] "May! I'm getting crusty!"
May: [approaching with a huge bottle of something] "I'm coming, Lee!"
Eddy: "Sweet." [He raises the camera.]
Lee: "What's taking so long?"
May: "Quit your fussing and hold still!"
Marie: "I'm gonna be gorgeouser."
[The camera goes off.]
May: [stunned and hysterical] "We're being abducted!"
Lee: [not disoriented in the least] "No we're not. It's Eddy!" [She points to the window, where Eddy can clearly be seen clutching the camera.]
Eddy: "Run boys." [They try to run while still in tower formation. It works as well as can be expected–they all end up hanging from the Kankers' clothesline.]
Marie: [from a window] "Well, well."
Lee: "Nice of you boys to hang around."
[The Kankers reel the clothesline in.]


[The Eds are still on the clothesline, but it is now in the trailer.]
Edd: "I hope these clothespegs don't leave marks."
The Kankers: [dancing towards them and chanting] "We're gonna make you pretty. We're gonna make you pretty. We're gonna make you pretty. We're gonna make you pretty." [The Eds all scream in fear.]


[The camera cuts to a house. A door is slightly ajar.]
Edd: "What are we gonna do?"
Ed: "Look at me!" [He laughs. The camera shifts downwards to show an instant-develop camera sitting on top of a cabinet.]
Eddy: "I got some gel at my place. If we're careful, noone will see us."
[The door creeps open to reveal Sarah and Jimmy. Sarah has taken the camera and is pointing it at the Eds.]
Sarah: "Smile."
[She takes the photo. The Eds are all wearing outlandish wigs. Eddy's is blue with a bow in it. Ed's is red, cut short, but otherwise looks a lot like Eddy's. Edd's is a blond mane of fuzz that makes him look like he plays hair metal.]


[The photo is next seen on a calender nailed to a tree. The calender reads "June." All the kids are looking at it and laughing. The Eds, meanwhile, look down from a window. They all have the wigs still on, but now paper bags have been added to the top. As we watch, they reach up and pull the bags down. All of the bags have frowning faces drawn on them.]
Eddy: [pulling the curtains shut] "Sheesh."

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