Twilight Sparkle: I was sure I put the astronomer's guide back. The book would have helped me identify different planets and stars tonight.
Spike: Well... Maybe someone borrowed it? Besides, you don't need that book. You can already name all the planets and stars, 'cause you're super smart and astronomically awesome!
Twilight Sparkle: Thanks, Spike. You're such a flatterer.
Spike: Yeah, I'm a sweet talker.
Twilight Sparkle: And a number one assistant, right?
Rainbow Dash: [munch] [gulp] Wow, Twilight! You're lucky to have such a rad assistant. I wish I had someone to do whatever I told them.
Scootaloo: Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Me! I'll do whatever you want, Rainbow Dash!
Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah, pipsqueak? How about taking out the trash?
Scootaloo: Yes ma'am!
Rarity: Do we have Spike to thank again for this amazing spread? Isn't he simply amazing?
Spike: Oh, come on. [pause] I said come on.
Pinkie Pie: Little Spikey-wikey! Who knew that big ferocious dragon started off so cutesy wootsy?
Rarity: Spike, you are such a little star that I had to make a little bow tie for you.
Spike: Gosh. You guys are embarrassing me. Stop it. [pause] Twilight, your turn.
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, that's enough.
Spike: Oh, right. That's enough.
Sweetie Belle: Hey, everypony! The show is starting!
[Everybody: Wow, that was amazing!/It's really cool./Once!]
Twilight Sparkle and Spike: Wow...
Spike: [yawn] Huh?
Pinkie Pie: Mmm. Wow! These cookies are delish!
Twilight Sparkle: Spike made them. Speaking of, Spike, can you bring us some punch? Spike?
Rarity: Oh, poor little thing.
Twilight Sparkle: Aww... He's worked himself to the bone.
Pinkie Pie: And now the punch has been... "spiked"!
Twilight Sparkle: Goodnight, Spike. [giggle] Sweet dreams, number one assistant.
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh] "The Study of Comets. Comets are small, irregularly shaped bodies that are made of non-volatile grains and frozen gasses. They..."
Twilight Sparkle: Huh.
Twilight Sparkle: "...have body structures that are fragile and diverse..."
Twilight Sparkle: Shoot! Oh... This is a job for Spike. If only he were awake...
Twilight Sparkle: Wait! Don't go! Don't be afraid. Thank you for returning my scroll.
Owlowiscious: Hoo! Hoo! Hoo-hoo.
Twilight Sparkle: Gosh, it's cold tonight. Say, would you like to relax in here and keep me company while I work?
Owlowiscious: Hoo! Hoo!
Twilight Sparkle: Now, where was I? Oh, yes. "...fragile and diverse with a surrounding cloud of material called a coma, that grows in size and brightness as the comet approaches the sun..."
Spike: [snoring] Huh? Waah! I overslept! I know it's already ten, but I'm scaly-tailed and bright-eyed and ready to work twice as fast! Oh please, don't be upset, Twilight! And what do you want for breakfast? Oatmeal? How about a sunflower smoothie? Grass pancakes?
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, don't worry.
Spike: But my morning chores...
Twilight Sparkle: It's okay. Owlowiscious did them for you.
Twilight Sparkle: He's our new junior assistant. He's gonna help out with your chores so you won't be so tired all the time.
Spike: Wha... Wh... What do we need a junior assistant for? I'm not tired. I do fine on my own. I don't need sleep, I...
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, don't worry. He's just here to help out a little. Now, I have to go out, so why don't you introduce yourself to Owlowiscious? He's in the library.
Spike: Worried? Do I look worried? I'm not worried. Who's worried?
Spike: Hello? Hellooo! Whoa! Dude, that's creepy. Uh... Hi there! I'm Spike. I'm sure Twilight has told you all about me.
Spike: Uh, Spike? You know, assistant number one?
Spike: I'm Spike! And who are you? What are you?
Spike: I thought your name was Owlowiscious!
Spike: Okay, "Who", "Owlowiscious", whatever. I'm Spike, okay? Look! All you need to know is that I'm number one and you're number two. Got it?
Spike: So, a man of mystery, huh? I'm keeping my eye on you! I've got eyes in the back of my head too, you know? [crash] Well, not really, but... You know what I mean!
Spike: That bird is out for my job. He wants to be number one. I'll prove to Twilight that I deserve to be number one. Not Freaky Feathers over there. I won't let him have my job if it's the last thing I do!
Pinkie Pie: Oh, what a fantastical, flufflicious feathery little friend! I'm... HOOked!
Fluttershy: He's just wonderful.
Spike: [mocking] "He's just wonderful." Uh, yes. Wonderful. He's quite... the charmer.
Rarity: And Owlowiscious is just such a star I just had to make this little bow for you.
Applejack: What's he all saddle sore about?
Rainbow Dash: He's probably just jealous of Owlowiscious.
Fluttershy: Maybe Spike feels threatened or worried that Owlowiscious will replace him?
Twilight Sparkle: Replace him? Hah! That's crazy! Spike knows he can't be replaced.
Spike: They're trying to replace me! I better step it up and make sure that Twilight and Owlowiscious know that I'm still number one!
Twilight Sparkle: Hey, Spike! Can you fetch me that book called "Two-headed Myth...
Spike: ...Mythological Mysteries!" I know where it is.
Twilight Sparkle: Thanks, Owlowiscious. Hey, Spike, no worries. Owlowiscious flew up and got the book for me. Oh, and gee! I guess I need "Ferrets of Fairyland" too.
Spike: Hey! Whoa! Whoa!
Twilight Sparkle: Climb down from there before you fall.
Twilight Sparkle: Shoot!
Spike: Yes, sir!
Twilight Sparkle: My last writing quill. It's broken.
Spike: Never fear! Spike, your number one assistant, is here! [under his breath] Quill... Quill... Where is it? Not here... Quill... Quill, where is it...?
Spike: Where am I gonna get a quill?
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, wait! Wait!
Spike: But the store is called "Quills and Sofas". You only sell two things!
Davenport: Sorry, Junior. All outta quills until Monday. Need a sofa?
Pinkie Pie: I swore I had one here somewhere. Ah, here it is! A quince!
Spike: Not a quince. A quill!
Pinkie Pie: Right. A quail? A quilt! A quesadilla? Aha! A quiche! [pronounced phonetically]
Spike: Not a quiche. [pronounced correctly] A quill!
Pinkie Pie: Nope. Sorry. All outta quills.
Spike: [sigh] Shoot.
Spike: Come on, chicken! Here, chicky-chicky-chicky! Here, chick-chick-chick-chicky! Come here! Ugh! Come here! [grunting] Not the face, not the face! No! Hey! Stop! Quit it!
Spike: [panting] Spike... to the rescue.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Spike. I was calling out for you when you were turning this place upside down. Owlowiscious gave me one of his feathers to use as a quill.
Spike: That's just great. Perfect! Sweet! I think I'll just, uh... finish up the rest of my chores! Or did Owlowiscious already do them?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, no no. There are quite a lot of them.
Spike: Well, that's fine. Because I can just stay up all night and finish– [snoring]
Twilight Sparkle: Poor Spike. He'll come around. He's genuinely a good little guy.
Twilight Sparkle: Spike. What is this? You said this book was missing. Well, Owlowiscious found it right where it belongs, but like this. How did it get this way?
Spike: Uh... Well, um... You see, I... I just didn't wanna disappoint you and, uh... Have you ever seen a dragon sneeze?
Twilight Sparkle: I've seen a dragon lie. I'm very disappointed in you, Spike.
Spike: [to Owlowiscious] You set me up! Well, two can play that game.
Spike: Not "who"! Two! Urgh!
Spike: Owlowiscious is out to take my place, I just know it! I've gotta stop him. But how?
Spike: Ah... Muahahaha!
Rarity: Come along, Opal. Let's hurry up and get to Fluttershy's tea party.
Spike: So lifelike. And when Twilight discovers it shredded up on her floor, she'll think mouse-eating Owlowiscious is to blame. And I'll be number one... again! Muhahaha!
Spike: [evil laugh]
Spike: That poor little field mouse! Torn to pieces! It must have been Owlowiscious! You know, since owls eat, you know, mice. What a terrible, terrible bird! He must be punished! Right?
Twilight Sparkle: Spike! I don't know what upsets me more. That you deliberately tried to set up Owlowiscious or that you actually thought this pathetic attempt would work! You've let your jealousy get the best of you, Spike. I am truly disappointed. This is NOT the Spike I know and love.
Spike: She... She doesn't love me anymore.
Spike: Twilight hates me. I'm cold, hungry, tired and lonely. Could it get any worse?
Spike: I guess that's a yes.
Spike: Hello? Hello?
Spike: What is that?
Spike: If this is what running away is all about, I never wanna go home! Gems! Mmm... Woohoo!
Spike: [hiccup] Even if my tummy's full, the rest of me is still empty. I miss Twilight and the pony gang. But she doesn't love me anymore. So, I'm better off here, all by myself. Wow. Seems to be getting warmer. The steam is great for my complexion, but it's sure getting hot in here.
Green dragon: What are you doing in my cave? And why are you eating my gems?
Spike: Heyah bro! I didn't know this was your cave. And I didn't know these were your gems, but... we're cool, right?
Green dragon: [growl]
Spike: Whoa, whoa! Hey... We're like brothers, you know? I mean, you're a dragon, I'm a dragon... It's us against the world, right?
Green dragon: [roar]
Spike: You don't scare me! So you're big.
Green dragon: [growl]
Spike: Really big. And your claws are super sharp. Tail... extra spiky. But, uh... You don't scare me! Ha! How'd you like that? Uh... I'd love to stay, but gotta go! See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya! Aah!
Green dragon: [roar] [wail]
Twilight Sparkle: Spike! Over here!
Spike: Am I glad to see you!
Twilight Sparkle: Hurry! Hop on! It's too dark! I can't see!
Owlowiscious: Hoo! Hoo-hoo!
Green dragon: [roar]
Twilight Sparkle: [pants] Spike. We were so worried about you. I was so worried about you. Why did you run away?
Spike: I thought you didn't need me anymore. And that you didn't love me anymore.
Twilight Sparkle: Spike. Sure, I was disappointed, but you are my number one assistant! And friend. And you always will be. It's just that sometimes I need some help at night. I can't ask you to stay up late. You're a baby dragon and you need your rest. Owls are nocturnal. So I asked Owlowiscious to help. But not to take your place. No one could ever replace you, Spike. Not even when you are being a jealous numbskull.
Spike: I'm sorry, Twilight. I've never should have been so jealous.
Twilight Sparkle: And I'm sorry too, Spike. I should have been more sensitive.
Spike: And Owlowiscious... I know now that you weren't out to take my job. Forgive me?
Spike: Me. Forgive me, Spike.
Twilight Sparkle: [giggle] He forgives you, Spike.
Spike: Hey! How did you guys know where I was?
Twilight Sparkle: It was your ketchup-covered feet. Owlowiscious discovered your footprints and we followed them all the way to the cave.
Spike: Oh yeah, the ketchup. It looked pretty real though, didn't it? Uh... [nervous giggle]
Twilight Sparkle: I know Princess Celestia will wanna read about what happened today...
Spike: I'm ready when you are.
Twilight Sparkle: Hey, Spike. Why don't you write to Princess Celestia? And tell her what you've learned?
Spike: Really? Why, that's a big responsibility!
Twilight Sparkle: I know. But nothing my number one assistant can't handle.
Spike: Dear Princess Celestia,
This is Spike, writing to you about my adventures. This week I've learned that being jealous and telling lies gets you nowhere in friendship. I also learned that there's plenty of love for every friend to share. So from here on out, I promise, that I, Spike, will... [drops asleep]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Spike.
Twilight Sparkle: Who? Spike! You kno... Ohhhh... [giggle]