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  • (This episode begins at Aberdale Elementary)
  • Julien: I'm gonna go shopping.
  • Ms. Baker: All right, everyone. Have a great weekend! Next week, we'll start learning about the state birds.
  • Chelsea: Quack, quack!
  • Ms. Baker: Yep, those are bird sounds, great.
  • Dustin: Ms. Baker! Ms. Baker! Did you see the hat that I made?!
  • Ms. Baker: Yes, Dustin, I saw it. You were wearing it all day. Very nice.
  • Dustin: [Laughs]
  • Clarence: Hmm. That is a very nice hat. Oh, Dustin, a word, please!
  • Ms. Baker: [sighs heavily]
  • (At Chuckleton's)
  • Ms. Baker: Hmm. Ahh.
  • Josh: All set to order, or do we still need a minute?
  • Ms. Baker: Oh, um, I'm I'm waiting for someone a friend. A-A date, I mean. A blind date, really. My friend set us up. I don't even know what he looks like. I mean, I know nothing about this guy absolutely nothing. He could be an ex-convict for all I know. What am I doing? Do you think I should just leave?
  • Josh: I'll just check back in a few minutes.
  • Mary: So, Clarence, what did you learn in school today?
  • Clarence: Nothing. We just watched a video about a frog that has babies out its back. [gasps]
  • Chad: Oh, babies out its back? That's gross, man.
  • Josh: Welcome to Chuckleton's, where everything tastes funny. Ha ha ha. How is everyone this evening? May I start you off - with some drinks?
  • Chad: Uh, I'll do an iced tea.
  • Mary: I'll just have a water. Clarence, can you please just focus on the menu for a minute and decide what you want?
  • Josh: [Gasps]
  • Clarence: #The stars at night#
  • Jeff: No, no, no!
  • All: [Screaming]
  • Clarence: Yeah, can I get a milkshake?
  • Mary: Clarence?
  • Clarence: I mean, I'll just have a regular milk, I guess.
  • Josh: Uh, I, uh I'll be right back with your drinks. Aah!
  • Clarence: Can we get some cheese toggles?
  • Mary: Okay, but you got to get something with veggies, too, all right?
  • Clarence: What's that? [gasps] - T-T-T-T-T-T -
  • Mary: Wh-What? What is it? Is there something on my face?
  • Chad: Tapenade?
  • Mary: Timpani? Clarence, are you trying to say, "timpani"?
  • Clarence: Teacher!
  • Mary: Oh. That's Ms. Baker, isn't it?
  • Clarence: What is she doing here? It doesn't make any sense. Why is she here? Why?! What does it mean?!
  • Mary: Clarence.
  • Clarence: What does that mean? What does this mean? What does this mean? What does anything mean? [grunts]
  • Mary: Okay, Clarence.
  • Clarence: I've got to figure this out.
  • Mary: No. No! Just pretend you didn't see her, okay? Please?
  • Clarence: Mm, okay. I'll try. [grunting]
  • Ms. Baker: [groans] [sighs] Huh? [gasps] Ohh. [chuckles nervously] Hey. [sighs] Oh. Well, tha well, that's good. [gasps] Oh, no.
  • Larry: [grunting] You Melanie?
  • Ms. Baker: Oh, hi. Yes. You must be Brenda's friend.
  • Larry: Yep. That's me. Call me "Larry." So, how old are you?
  • Ms. Baker: Uh [clears throat] I'm 32.
  • Larry: 32. Are you a homeowner?
  • Ms. Baker: Um, no. I-I rent a condo.
  • Larry: Condo. So, what do you like to eat here?
  • Ms. Baker: Oh, I've I've never been here before.
  • Larry: Well, have you tried the crab legs?
  • Ms. Baker: No. I've never been here.
  • Larry: Oh. I didn't get that. [chuckles]
  • Chad: Clarence, how you like your cinnamon rangers?
  • Clarence: They're yeah, they're great. I-I got to go do a-a thing.
  • Chad: A thing?
  • Clarence: Yeah, a poop thing.
  • Mary: Clarence, don't say, "poop" at the table.
  • Clarence: I'm sorry. I mean, excuse me. I mean, may I be excused?
  • Mary: Hmm.
  • Woman: Ohh.
  • Larry: You got any kids?
  • Ms. Baker: Uh, no, none yet.
  • Larry: Ah. No kids.
  • Ms. Baker: Oh, wait. Uh. ohh.
  • Larry: [munching] Are you sure you don't want anything from the salad bar? They have some great pickles.
  • Ms. Baker: No. I think I'm good. Don't let me stop you, though. [chuckles nervously]
  • Larry: I won't.
  • Ms. Baker: Oh, why did I ever trust Brenda? [sighs] Aaah! Clarence! Wha What are you doing here?
  • Clarence: I think I'll do the questioning here, Ms. Baker. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?
  • Ms. Baker: W-Why would I be at school?
  • Clarence: Because you're always at school?
  • Ms. Baker: Is that what you think that I never leave the school?
  • Clarence: Uh.
  • Ms. Baker: Okay, everyone. Have a great weekend!
  • Clarence: [imitating vacuum cleaner whirring]
  • Ms. Baker: Clarence, stop! No one vacuums me, and I don't live at the school.
  • Clarence: That doesn't make sense. Where do you go, then?
  • Ms. Baker: I go home.
  • Clarence: What?! Home?! Where?!
  • Ms. Baker: Look, that's not important. Can we just talk about this monday in class?
  • Clarence: But how did you get here and where are your glasses and why are you dressed like that and where is this a parent-teacher conference?
  • Ms. Baker: No, Clarence. It's not. I'm just [sighs] I'm here with a friend.
  • Clarence: Who that guy? Is he your grandpa?
  • Ms. Baker: No, he's not. So, hey, it's probably time for you to head back now.
  • Clarence: But how do you know him, though? He's not in our class. [munching]
  • Ms. Baker: I just do. Now, I really think you should - go back to your table now.
  • Larry: [grunting] Is this your son?
  • Ms. Baker: Oh, no. He's He's one of my students.
  • Larry: Hmm. Student.
  • Clarence: Hi, Ms. Baker's friend. I'm Clarence.
  • Larry: Clarence?! I'm Clarence!
  • Both: [Gasps]
  • Ms. Baker: What? I thought your name was Larry.
  • Josh: All right. Are we all ready to orde Aaaah! I'll be back later.
  • Larry: Yep. "Larry" is short for "Clarence.
  • Clarence: That's so cool. I've never met anyone with ny name before. We're like twin brothers or something.
  • Larry: Hmm. No, I don't think so.
  • Ms. Baker: Uh, excuse me. Uh, I need to use the ladies' room, so I'm just gonna get Ahh.
  • Mary: [munching] Where's my kid? Is he still in the bathroom?
  • Chad: What'd he do fall in?! [laughs] That one never gets old. I'll go check on him.
  • Clarence: And then Jeff is my other friend. He's really cool. He knows all this stuff about rocks and fish and stuff like that. And so one time at school I brought in a chicken 'cause oh, yeah 'cause my family raises chickens. I brought in my chicken, Lucine. She's named after my garbage lady.
  • Larry: Slow down. Slow down!
  • Clarence: But Ms. Baker said I couldn't have it at school, so I had to get picked up, but Ms.

Baker wasn't mad, though. She thought it was funny. But my mom was kind of mad. Are you gonna marry Ms. Baker?

  • Larry: [grunts] Couldn't tell you yet. Just met her. Got to have a second date first. [laughing] [coughing]
  • Clarence: Wait. Is Ms. Baker still in the bathroom? Why didn't she come back?
  • Larry: Don't know. Maybe she fell in.
  • Clarence: Mm, that joke's kind of old.
  • Larry: It's not a joke. We'd better check on her.
  • Clarence: Okay. Are we supposed to be in here?
  • Larry: It ain't nothin' I haven't seen before.
  • Ms. Baker: Yeah, but he's not even close to my type, Brenda. No! I don't know why you--
  • Clarence: Ms. Baker?
  • Larry: Melanie. Melanie? Is that you in there?
  • Ms. Baker: You have got to be kidding me!
  • Clarence: Ms. Baker, it's us the Clarence brothers! We're just making sure you're all right. Flush twice if you can hear us.
  • Chad: Hello?! Hey, buddy! You realize this is the women's room, right?
  • Clarence: Oh, hey, Chad. Clarence and I were just talking to Ms. Baker. Come on in.
  • Larry: Uh, Chad. How do you spell that?
  • Chad: Hi. Um What?
  • Ms. Baker: All right! So, actually, this isn't Ms. Baker or Melanie in the stall. It's someone else, so you guys can go away!
  • Larry: Melanie, I brought you some of those crab legs I was talking about.
  • Ms. Baker: What? N-No. I don't oof! Aah!
  • Larry: Did you catch any of those? It's real good.
  • Clarence: Ms. Baker, is it okay if we have food in the bathroom? You said I couldn't at school.
  • Ms. Baker: We're not in school, Clarence! I'm not your teacher now. I'm just a regular person. Ow!
  • Clarence: [gasps] Wait a minute! Ms. Baker, you are a regular person! Does that mean that you're just in there because you're lonely, because you're all alone in the world and like the last person on Earth after a zombie apocalypse or the last piece of popcorn in the bottom of the bag or the last puppy in the litter - that nobody wants to take home? #this day's not like any day#
  • Mary: Where are those guys?
  • Woman: Excuse me! Young man, you need to do something. There are a bunch of men in the women's bathroom.
  • Mary: Oh, no.
  • (At Ladies Bathroom)
  • Clarence: I just wanted to say hi to you and so you'd have a fun time and for you to get married.
  • Ms. Baker: Look, Clarence, I know you're trying to help, but I'm fine. You can leave now.
  • Clarence: Just Just come out of the stall and sit at our table. You can be part of our family. I'm just gonna come - in there and give you a hug.
  • Ms. Baker: Wait. Ohh!
  • Clarence: Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Hug me. Hug me. Hug me.
  • Ms. Baker: Clarence, that is not-- Clarence, that's not necessary!
  • Clarence: I want to give you a hu-- Ohhhh!
  • Mary: Okay! Everyone out! Oh, you poor thing. I'm so sorry.
  • [indistinct conversation]
  • Chad: That's how I got my Bachelor's degree. They just, like, print it.
  • Mary: Oh, I'm telling you! A-After one, I think I'm done.
  • Chad: "One and done," I think, is what I said, actually - one and done. Decoupage I cut out pieces of cardboard.
  • Clarence: Hey, Clarence, do you have anymore crab legs I could try?
  • Larry: Yeah.
  • Clarence: [grunting]
  • Josh: I always get stuck bussing tables Whoa! Ohh! Huh? [squish!] My eye! [screams]
  • All: [chuckles]
  • Announcer: Chuckleton's where everything tastes funny. [laughs]
  • [End of Neighborhood Grill]

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