Johnny Elaine: [on TV] News flash! A severe rip current may soon touch down in Bikini Bottom! Residents are warned to bar all windows and stay indoors!
[The rip current sends the television flying off screen. Numerous objects like Dave hammering boards on his window, a can of beans, a bone, and a cow. The television comes back with Frank the Whale following behind.]
Johnny Elaine: [on TV] Save yourselves!
[Below the rip current, Mr. Krabs, who appears to be in a cranky mood, is heading towards the Krusty Krab.]
Mr. Krabs: Ah, rip current, schmip current! Ain't nothin'.
[Mr. Krabs enters the restaurant and meets up with Spongebob and Squidward.]
Spongebob: Gee, Mr. Krabs, do you think the rip current will hit the Krusty Krab?
[Spongebob makes strange moments of what will happen to the resturant when the rip current strikes.]
Squidward: Uh, shouldn't we clear the docks? Or batten down the patches? Or whatever people say?
Mr. Krabs: Calm your waters. [points to the danger meter on his knee] Me sailor's knee says we're not in danger. See? Now, get back to work!
Octavius Rex: Excuse me. Are we in any kind of peril?
Customer 1: I think we should all go home.
Mr. Krabs: As soon as you buy some patties to go, you can go.
Orchid: I'll have three Krabby Patties. [a loud rumble shakes the resturant] On second thought, cancel that order!
[Mr. Krabs grabs the lady's purse and dumps her money in Squidward's cash register.]
Mr. Krabs: No takie-backsies! Three Krabby Patties.
[Mr. Krabs' money detector goes off.]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Me money detector! Where do ya think you're goin'? Get back in there and spend the rest of your money!
Clay: But I needed it for rent!
Mr. Krabs: Listen up, everybody! New store policy! All money brought into this store must be spent here!
[Mr. Krabs sneaks up behind Buddy.]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, tyrant am I? Alright, I'm a tyrant! The worst in all the seven seas! One of 'em! [growls]
Spongebob: Gee, why is Mr. Krabs so crabby today?
Squidward: Probably because it's pay day.
[Mr. Krabs grabs the microphone.]
Mr. Krabs: Pay day's been cancelled! Now, hear this! I'm captain of the ship! Captain Krabs! And I say no rip current will ever harm the Krusty Krab!
[Suddenly, asunken ship flies down and the anchor crashes through the roof of the Krusty Krab. The ship pulls the resturant off the ground and sends it flying into the air. The movements make the customers fly back and forth. Squidward gets his legs tangled to a pole. Spongebob attempts to flip Krabby Patties. Mr. Krabs struggles to hold on the register boat, but ended up getting bombarded with barrels. Despite his injuries, he checks the danger meter on his sailor's knee. He taps on it and the pointer moves to the red section.]
Mr. Krabs: Darn arthritis!
[The chain snaps off the ship's anchor and the resturant is flying out of control. Mr. Krabs falls in a barrel. The customers and Squidward struggle to hold on as the rip current carries the resturant away from Bikini Bottom. In a desperate attempt to save everyone, Spongebob jumps out of the kitchen and uses his teeth to make a key out of his spatula. He opens the chest and pulls down the lever. Outside, it activates sails and a rudder. Spongebob grabs a table and uses it as a steering wheel. The resturant is now safely being steered through the rip current. Squidward, who was squished under a customer's butt, comes down from the pole.]
Spongebob: Squidward, while I steer you tell everyone we're safe.
Squidward: [through microphone] It's alright now, everybody! Everything's under control now! And whatever!
[The customers climb down the mast.]
Octavius Rex: Three cheers for Squidward!
Customer 1: The guy who saved our lives!
Buddy: Let's make him our new captain!
Octavius Rex: Hip, hip...
Customers: Hooray for Captain Squidward!
Spongebob: Congratulations, Squidward! Uh, I mean Captain Squidward!
[Mr. Krabs, who is still stuck in a barrel, rolls etween Squidward and the customers.]
Mr. Krabs: What's the meanin' of this?
Octavius Rex: What should we do with this tyrant, Captain Squidward?
Mr. Krabs: Captain Squidward?
Customer 1: Let's flog him!
Buddy: Let's tie him to the mast!
Spongebob: Let's put the past behind us and start all over!
Mr. Krabs: This is mutiny! Listen here, Squidward! Fun is fun, but get me outta here!
Squidward: Sorry. I don't think that's the captain's job. You're on your own.
[Spongebob inexplicably jumps off the register boat, leaving the resturant steering out of control.]
Spongebob: Hey, everybody, can we take a time out? This is Mr. Krabs we're talking about. The worst tyrant in the seven seas.
Mr. Krabs: You're not helpin', boy.
Spongebob: You remember Mr. Krabs. He's the man who brought you the Krabby Patty.
[The customers murmur in agreement. As Spongebob is lecturing everyone, Mr. Krabs is being rolled back and forth in the barrel.]
Spongebob: And he's the man who brought you the Double Krabby Patty. And the Krabby Patty with cheese. And the Bratty Patty for kids.
Mr. Krabs: Um, little help here!
Spongebob: He also created the Chatty Patty for teens. And who can forget the Hatty Patty. The patty you wear as a hat.
Thaddeus: I wear it because I'm bald.
Octavius Rex: Well, I guess any man who invented the Hatty Patty can't be all bad. Okay, let's get him out.
[But before they do so, Mr. Krabs is sliding towards the front doors and is being hurled out.]
Mr. Krabs: Whoa! Man overboard! [screams]
Spongebob: NO! MR. KRABS!
Squidward: Well, I guess that solves that problem.
[Thaddeus takes off his Hatty Patty to honor Mr. Krabs' supposed death. He then eats the Hatty Patty.]
Spongebob: I know you'll come back to us, Mr. Krabs!
[The Krusty Krab flies through the rip current and the screen fades black. The screen turns back to the inside of the resturant.]
Spongebob: Until then, [takes out a dollar, licks it, and pastes it on the doors] I'll leave a dollar in the window for ya.
Octavius Rex: Hey, it's Captain Squidward's fault that we lost the man who invented the Hatty Patty!
Customer 1: Yeah! We're freckled! And we say you're the tyrant now!
Squidward: Uh, uh, don't be hasty! Remember, I'm... I'm still the captain! The Hatty Patty was my idea!
Octavius Rex: But we're still stuck in this rip current!
Customer 1: We'll never get out!
[Octavius Rex and the unnamed customer corners Squidward, but Squidward gets his head tangled into the spinning steering wheel.]
Squidward: Oh, barnacles!
[With Squidward tangled in the steering wheel, the rudder turns left and right and the restaurant flies out of control. The customers fly back and forth again. Squidward pulls his head out of the steering and his head spins back into place. The restaurant spins out of the rip current and crash lands safely on the ground.]
Octavius Rex: We're alive! Captain Squidward steered us out of the rip current!
Customer 1: How about a cheer for Captain Squidward!
[The customers cheer.]
Squidward: Thank you! Thank you! Just doin' my job as captain protecting my crew.
Spongebob: Whoa! Where are we?
[Spongebob and the customers look out the window and what they see is a beautiful landscape with plants growing everywhere. An unnamed sea creature flies around.]
Clay: Oh, look at that. That's amazing.
Octavius Rex: This neighborhood's crazy! I wonder if there are any good places to eat.
Customer 1: You think maybe they got a Krusty Krab around here?
Buddy: Hey, good idea! I could go for a Krabby Patty.
Spongebob: I'm calling the local Krusty Krab right now.
[Spongebob pulls part of his head off and forms it into a telephone. He dials the number. The Krusty Krab phone rings.]
Squidward: Hello, Krusty Krab.
Spongebob: Yes, I'd like to place an order.
[Squidward pushes the receiver into Spongebob's head in frustration. The receiver rings in Spongebob's head. Suddenly, a monster appears at the front door, scaring the customers. Squidward runs away in fright, leaving a puddle of ink behind. The monster spreads its slimy tongue around the customers.]
Octavius Rex: Captain!
Buddy: You gotta save us!
[The monster licks Spongebob's eyeballs off his face.]
Spongebob: [screams] Captain Squidward!
[Spongebob's eyes jump back on his face. Squidward is nowhere to be seen. The monster wraps his tongue all over Spongebob.]
Spongebob: Um, I know where he is.
[Spongebob runs into the kitchen and opens the closet. He throws everything out and pulls a box out with the word "fragile" on it. He opens the box and finds another box with the word "pickles" on it. He opens it, pulls out a jar, and takes Squidward out of the jar.]
Spongebob: Uh, Captain, sorry to interrupt, but the crew needs you to protect them.
Squidward: Are you crazy? I can't fight a monster!
Spongebob: Oh, I'm afraid the crew insists, sir.
[The customers, with random weapons, growl in anger and Squidward becomes nervous. The customers carry Squidward out of the kitchen.]
Squidward: I don't want to be captain! I don't want to be captain!
[Spongebob gives Squidward a mop for him to fight and the customers throw him out. But instead of fighting the monster like he's supposed to, he ends up getting eaten. Everyone is stunned.]
Octavius Rex: Well, that was anti-climatic.
Customer 1: Maybe he'll make the monster sick.
Clay: Okay. Who had their money on Captain Squidward? Pay up.
[Spongebob gives Clay and Buddy some of his money.]
Spongebob: Well, somebody has to step up, fight that monster, and become captain! And that somebody is me!
[Spongebob pulls up his pants. He pulls out his left eyeball, blows on it, rubs it and puts it back on. He smells his breath, which smelled terrible. He drinks some mouth wash, gargles, and swallows it. He does karate moves but notices his shoe is untied. He ties his shoe. He trips his nails. And finally, he pulls a loose string off his pants.]
Spongebob: Oh, what was I doing now?
[Suddenly, everyone hears a distant scream from above. The scream turned out the but none other than Mr. Krabs, who comes crashing through the roof and landing on a table. However, Mr. Krabs is still angry about Squidward being in charge.]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, you're alive! Oh, welcome back, captain!
Mr. Krabs: Haven't you forgotten something? I am not captain anymore! Squidward is!
[The customers chatter in agreement.]
Mr. Krabs: Why would I want to be captain to such a sorry bunch of lubbers? I'm through!
[The monster's tentacle breaks through the window.]
Mr. Krabs: And that's comin' out of your pay!
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, this job calls for a dictator like you!
[Mr. Krabs selfishly pouts like a spoiled child. The monster's tentacle breaks through the window again.]
Spongebob: Do something, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Beg me.
Customers: Please, please, please!
Spongebob: We're begging you! Please!
[The monster licks everywhere and Mr. Krabs gets covered in saliva.]
Mr. Krabs: Not buyin' it.
Customers: Oh, come on! We'll do anything! Please!
[Mr. Krabs still acts like a spoiled child and continues to pour. Spongebob gets an idea and runs into Mr. Krabs' office. He grabs Mr. Krabs' first dime.]
Spongebob: Got it! [runs back] Do you know what this is, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I don't care.
Spongebob: It's the first dime you every earned and I'm going to tear it up if you don't go back to being the meanie we need!
Mr. Krabs: I said I don't care.
Spongebob: Okay, here goes!
[Spongebob attempts to break it, but to no avail. He tries to cut it with an axe, but it shatters to dust. He tries to saw it in half with a power saw, but instead it makes the saw fly off, hitting someone offscreen.]
Unnamed man: My leg!
Mr. Krabs: Ha! You lose!
[Spongebob mopes as he is about to give up. However, he got another idea.]
Spongebob: Well then, I'm gonna do the worst thing I can do to your old dime!
Mr. Krabs: Oh yeah? What's that?
Spongebob: [whispers] Spend it.
[This time, Mr. Krabs reacts in a gasp and becomes nervous. Spongebo walks over to a candy machine and is about to use his dime to spend it on candy.]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no you don't! Come here!
[Mr. Krabs jumps on Spongebob and gives back the first dime.]
Mr. Krabs: Alright, everybody! What am I?
[The monster's tentacle breaks through the window again.]
Mr. Krabs: Come on! It starts with a T!
Spongebob: A tree?
[Mr. Krabs glares at Spongebob]
Customer 2: A teddy bear?
Octavius Rex: A tuba?
Buddy: You're a tyrant?
Mr. Krabs: I can't hear you!
Customers: A tyrant! [cheers]
Mr. Krabs: Correct! Alright, I'll save ya. But you gotta promise to spend most of your, all of your money right here! Got it?
[The customers chatter in agreement. The monster breaks through the front doors and spreads his tongue all over the place, scaring the customers.]
Mr. Krabs: [hands Spongebob his dime] Hold on to me dime, boy-yo!
[Mr. Krabs charges out of the restaurant and he and the monster hurls towards each other as they are ready to fight. The monster opens his mouth and eats Mr. Krabs whole. Everyone is stunned.]
Octavius Rex: Well, that was anti-climatic.
Customer 1: Again.
[However, Mr. Krabs is still alive and is beating up the monster inside. He makes the monster spit Squidward out. Squidward frantically runs back into the restaurant. Mr. Krabs punches one of the monster's eyes out and swings down. He bounces on one of its tentacles and lands on its head. He ten bangs on the monster's eyes like he's playing bongo drums. Spongebob, Squidward, and the customers dance in rhythm. The monster shakes Mr. Krabs off his head and sends him flying into a coral plant. But Mr. Krabs comes out of the plant and flies directly into the monster's hand. The monster pulls Mr. Krabs' legs off and pulls off his right arm.]
Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute! Gimme that!
[Mr. Krabs hits the monster on his head and makes him let go. Mr. Krabs then sends the monster flying with his severed arm and puts it back on. The monster collides with a boulder and breaks into tiny monsters. The tiny monsters run away and everyone in the Krusty Krab cheers. The scene changes to Spongebob giving Mr. Krabs his first dime while they're sitting on the roof of the resturant.]
Spongebob: Here you go, Mr. Krabs. You earned it.
Mr. Krabs: Well, boy-yo, you believed in me. So, today will be a pay day for you.
Squidward: What about me?
Mr. Krabs: You, Ex-Captain Squidward, have gone from pay day to mayday! Mush! Every last one of ya! All the way back to Bikini Bottom! [laughs]
[The episode ends with Squidward and the customers pulling the Krusty Krab back to Bikini Bottom while Spongebob and Mr. Krabs sit on the roof.]