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  • [first lines; as he's falling from the sky]
  • Megamind: [voice over] Here’s my day so far; went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked pretty good. Still, things could be a lot worse. Oh, that’s right…I’m falling to my death. Guess they can’t. How did it all come to his you ask. My end starts at the beginning, the very beginning! I had a fairly standard childhood. I came from what you might call a broken home, literally broken. I was eight days old and still living with my parents. How sad is that?! Clearly it was time to move on.
  • [to baby Megamind]
  • Megamind’s Mother: Here is your Minion, he will take care of you.
  • Megamind’s Father: And here is you binky.
  • [he puts the binky into Megamind’s mouth and then utters his last words to his son]
  • Megamind’s Father: You are destined….
  • [the ship closes and starts to take off]
  • Megamind: [voice over] I didn’t quite here that last part, but it sounded important. Destined for…what? I set out to find my destiny. It turns out a kid from the Gloarpunked quadrant had the exact same idea. That was the day I met Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. And our glorious rivalry was born!
  • [baby Megamind’s ship is heading towards a large beautiful house]
  • Megamind: [voice over] Could this be what I was destined for? A dream life filled with luxury?
  • [baby Metro Man’s ship appears in front and crash lands into the beautiful house]
  • Megamind: [voice over] Apparently not! Even fate has it’s favorites. No big deal. A much different fate awaited me.
  • [Megamind’s ship lands in Metro City Prison]
  • Lady Scott: A baby! How thoughtful.
  • [holds infant Metro Man in her hands]
  • Lord Scott: [reading his paper] Oh, yes, yes. I saw and thought of you.
  • [baby Megamind’s ship opens and he sees the prisoners crowding round looking at him]
  • Megamind: [voice over] Luckily I found a lovely little place to call home.
  • [to the other prisoners]
  • Prisoner: Can we keep it?
  • [one of the prisoners is showing him picture cards of a police man and a burglar]
  • Megamind: [voice over] A place that taught me the differences between right and wrong. Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes on the other hand had life handed to him on a silver platter.
  • [baby Metro Man flies around the ceiling]
  • Lady Scott: Our baby can fly!
  • [without looking he continues to read his paper]
  • Lord Scott: Yes, yes, nothing but the best for you, darling.
  • Megamind: [voice over] The power of flight, invulnerability and great hair! But I had something far, far greater. My amazing intellect! A knack for building objects of mayhem.
  • [Megamind as a child is being escorted out of prison and taken to School]
  • Megamind: [voice over] After a few years and with some time off for good behavior, I was given an opportunity to better myself through learning at a strange place called ‘shool’. It was there that I was once again ran into Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. He had already amassed a gigantic army of soft headed groupies.
  • [Metro Man as a child uses his laser vision to heat up popcorn and all the school children cheer and clap]
  • Megamind: [voice over] He bought their affections with showmanship, extravagant gifts of deliciousness. So I too would make this poppet corn and win over those mindless drones.
  • [Megamind’s object to produce popcorn for the school children explodes and Metro Man uses his powers to put the fire out]
  • Megamind: [voice over] That’s when I learned a very hard lesson. Good receives all the praise and adulation while evil is sent to quite time in the corner. So fitting in wasn’t really an option. While they were learning Itzy Bitzy Spider, I learnt how to dehydrate inanimate objects and rehydrate them at will. Some days it felt like it was just me and Minion against the world. No matter how hard I tried I was always the odd man out. The last one picked. A screw up! Black sheep! Bad boy! Was this my destiny? Wait…maybe it was! Being bad is the one thing I’m good at. Then it hit me; if I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the baddest boy of them all!

[sets off a chemical explosion in the schoolhouse] I was destined to be a super villain, and we were destined to be rivals! The die had been cast! And so began an enduring epic lifelong career…and I LOVED IT!

  • [a gallery of newspaper articles appears, featuring Megamind and Metro Man’s battles]
  • Megamind: [voice over] Our battles quickly got more elaborate. He would win some, I would almost win others! He took the name Metro Man, defender of Metro City. I decided to pick something a little more humble; Megamind, incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy!
  • [in prison]
  • Megamind: Good morning Warden. Great news, I’m a changed man and I’m ready to re-enter society as a solid citizen.
  • Warden: You’re a villain! And you’ll always be a villain. You’ll never change and you’ll never leave.
  • Megamind: You’re fun.
  • Warden: You got a present in the mail.
  • Megamind: Is it a puppy?
  • [the warden opens the box to reveal a hand watch]
  • Warden: From Metro Man.
  • [reading the card from Metro Man]
  • Warden: ‘To count every second of your eighty five life sentences.’ That’s funny, never thought Metro Man was the gloating type. Oh, but he does have nice taste.
  • [he puts the watch on his wrist]
  • Warden: I think I’ll keep it.
  • Megamind: Any chance you could give me the time. I don’t want to be late for the opening of the Metro Man museum.
  • [the warden looks at the watch]
  • Warden: Oh, no! Looks like you’re gonna miss it, by several thousand years.
  • [the warden walks away]
  • Megamind: Oh, am I?
  • [starts to do an evil laugh]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Happy Metro Man day, Metro City. It’s a beautiful day in down town where we’re here to honor a beautiful Metro Man. His heart is an ocean that’s inside a bigger ocean. For years he’s been watching us with his super vision, saving us with his super strength and caring for us with his super heart. Now it’s our turn to give something back. This is Roxanne Ritchie, reporting live from the dedication of the Metro Man museum.
  • [she does the cut sign to her camera man]
  • Hal: Wow! Okay, the stuff they make you read on air, that’s unfreaking believable! It’s crazy.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I wrote that piece myself, Hal.
  • Hal: What I was trying to say was, I can’t believe that in our modern society, they let, like actual art get onto the news.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Nice save, Hal.
  • Hal: I’ve been watching you, like…like a dingo watches a human baby.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Mmm.
  • Hal: Okay, that sounded…okay, that sounded a little weird.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: A little bit, yeah.
  • Hal: You’re making a face, and that’s making me feel weird.
  • [Megamind disguised as the warden breaks out of prison, Minion pulls up outside the prison in an invisible car]
  • Minion: Well, hello good looking. Need a lift?
  • Megamind: Certainly do you fantastic fish, you.
  • Minion: Get in the car, you.
  • Metro Man: Hey, Metro City.
  • [the crowd starts cheering and screaming]
  • Metro Man: Hey. You know, I just wanna bring it down a bit. Boys, a little lower. Thank you, fellas.
  • [the crowd stops cheering]
  • Metro Man: Let’s get real for a moment. That’s right, that’s right. Ha-ha. Although getting a whole museum is super cool, is super cool. You wanna know what the greatest honor you’ve given me is? Do you really wanna know?
  • [the crowd starts to cheer again]
  • Metro Man: Really?
  • [the crowd cheers louder]
  • Metro Man: I’ll tell ya. The greatest honor you’ve given me is letting me serve you. The helpless people of Metro City. At the end of every day, well, I often ask myself; who would I be without you.
  • [a male voice from the crown shouts]
  • Voice from Crowd: I love you, Metro Man!
  • Metro Man: And I love you, random citizen.
  • Megamind: Aahh, I tell you Minion, there’s no place like evil lair.
  • Minion: I’ve kept it cold and damp just for you.
  • Megamind: How…how do I look, Minion? Do I look bad?
  • Minion: Disgustingly horrifying, sir.
  • Megamind: You always know what to say.
  • [Minion removes a cloth bag from his captive, Roxanne Ritchie]
  • Megamind: Miss Ritchie, we meet again.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Would it kill you to wash the bag?
  • Megamind: You can scream all you wish, Miss Ritchie. I’m afraid no one can hear you.
  • [Roxanne just looks at him coldly]
  • Megamind: Why…uh, why isn’t she screaming?
  • Minion: Miss Ritchie, if you don’t mind?
  • Megamind: Like this…aaahhhh!
  • [he does a fake scream]
  • Megamind: That’s…that’s a poor lady scream.
  • [the brain bot he’s holding in hand suddenly bites his hand and he starts to scream in pain]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: [sarcastically] That’s a little better.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Wait, what secrets? You’re so predictable!
  • Megamind: Predictable, predictable! Oh, you call this… predictable!
  • [pulls a lever]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Alligators, yep. I was thinking about it on the way over.
  • Megamind: What’s this? Boom! In your face.
  • [brings down a gauntlet of blades]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Clichéd.
  • Megamind: No, look! Watch.
  • [brings down the giant blades]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Juvenile.
  • Megamind: Shock and awe!
  • [Megamind brings up a chainsaw]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Tacky.
  • Megamind: Oh, it’s so scary!
  • [activates a cycle of spiked boots]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Seen it.
  • Megamind: What’s this one do?
  • [now frantic he unleashes a flamethrower]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Garish!
  • [Megamind breaks down]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Okay, the spider’s new.
  • Megamind: Spider?
  • [sees the spider hanging in front of Roxanne]
  • Megamind: Uh…yes! The…the speiiiider. Even the smallest bite from “arachnis deathakus” will instantly paralyze…
  • [Roxanne blows the spider into Megamind’s eye]
  • Megamind: Aargh! Get it off! Ow!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Give it up Megamind, your plans never work.
  • Megamind: Let’s stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we?
  • Metro Man: Should have known you would have tried to crash the party.
  • Megamind: Oh, I intend to do more than crashing. This is the day you and Metro City shall not soon forget!
  • Metro Man: It’s pronounced ‘Metro City’!
  • Megamind: Oh, potato, tomato, potato. Oh!
  • Metro Man: We all know how this ends; with you behind bars!
  • Megamind: Oh, I’m shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots! You will leave Metro City or this will be the last you ever hear of, Roxanne Ritchie! Huh?
  • [the screen next to him shows Roxanne tied to a chair]
  • Metro Man: Roxanne! Don’t panic, Roxy. I’m on my way.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I’m not panicking.
  • Megamind: [smirking] In order to stop me, you need to find her first, Metro Man!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: We’re at the coastline observatory!
  • Megamind: Ah-huh! No, we’re not! Don’t listen to her! She’s crazy!
  • [after trapping Metro Man crashes in the observatory, Megamind comes up on a projector]
  • Megamind: Over here, old friend! In case you’ve noticed, you’ve fallen right into my trap.
  • Metro Man: You can’t trap justice. It’s an idea, a belief!
  • Megamind: But, even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time.
  • Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal.
  • Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revange!
  • Metro Man: It’s ‘revenge’, and it’s best served cold!
  • Megamind: But it can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil!
  • Metro Man: Well, I think your warranty’s about to expire!
  • Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!
  • Metro Man: Warranties are invalid if you don’t used the card for its intended purpose!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: [exasperated] Uuhh! Girls, girls, you’re both pretty! Can I go home now!
  • Megamind: Of course you can. That is if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the sun! FIRE!
  • [nothing happens and Metro Man just looks at Megamind]
  • [after the solar powered laser failed to fire at Metro Man]
  • Megamind: Minion, fire?
  • Minion: Uh, still warming up, sir.
  • Megamind: Come again?
  • Minion: Warming up, sir.
  • Megamind: Warming up? The sun is warming up?
  • Minion: One…second…more…and…just…tippy tappy, tippy tap, tap, tip, top more.
  • Megamind: Honestly!
  • Minion: And we are ready in just a few…hang on one second.
  • Megamind: [exasperated] Uuhh! I told you to have things ready. I told you countless times.
  • Megamind: Why do you always blame me?
  • [grabs his eye that the spider had bit earlier]
  • Megamind: My spider bite is acting!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Your plan is failing. Just admit it.
  • Minion: Yeah, good luck with that one!
  • Megamind: Who’s side are you on?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: The losing side.
  • Minion: Thank you.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: [sarcastically] Uh, could someone stamp my frequent kidnapping card?
  • [Megamind laughs]
  • Megamind: You of all people know we discontinued that promotion.
  • Metro Man collapses in the observatory that Megamind has trapped him in]
  • Metro Man: Good lord, I’m trapped!
  • [Megamind looks at Metro Man through the projector]
  • Megamind: What kind of trickery is this?
  • Metro Man: You mad genius. Your dark gift has finally paid off!
  • Megamind: It…it has?
  • Metro Man: The stone is obviously lined with copper.
  • Megamind: Yeah. So?
  • Minion: Sir? Uh…
  • [Minion points at computer screen]
  • Metro Man: Copper drains my powers.
  • Megamind: Your weakness is copper? You’re kidding, right?
  • [suddenly the solar powered laser is activated and fires at the observatory that Metro Man is trapped in]
  • [after the observatory that Metro Man was trapped in has exploded]
  • Minion: I don’t think even he could survive that.
  • Megamind: Well, let’s not get our hopes up just yet.
  • [after destroying Metro Man]
  • Minion: You did it, sir!
  • Megamind: I did it!
  • Minion: You did it!
  • Megamind: I did it! Metro City is MINE!
  • [celebrating their victory in destroying Metro Man]
  • Minion: [singing] You did it, sir. You did it, sir.
  • Megamind: [singing] Yes I did.
  • Minion: Us!
  • Megamind: I did it!
  • Minion: We both did it.
  • Megamind: Not us, I!
  • Minion: You a little more than me, but still come on! When they’re giving out the awards I’m going to be right here next to you, right sir?
  • Megamind: What awards? Awards for what?
  • [speaking into the microphone at a press conference]
  • Megamind: All I did was eliminate the most powerful man in the universe. Are there any questions? Come on? Yes, you at the back.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I’m sure that we’d all like to know what you plan to do with us and this city.
  • Megamind: Good, I’m glad you asked that. Imagine the most horrible, terrifying, evil thing you can possibly think of and multiply it…by six! In the meantime, I want you to carry on with the dreary normal things you, normal people do. Let’s just have fun with this, come on! And I will get back to you.
  • [he walks backwards into the white house with Minion following behind him]
  • Megamind: [whispering] Now slam the door really hard.
  • [Minion slams the door hard but his shadow can been seen through the door]
  • Megamind: They, they can still see you.
  • Megamind: Oh, Minion, did you think this day would ever come?
  • Minion: No way. Not at all, sir. Never. Never in a million…
  • [Megamind gives him an evil look]
  • Minion: I mean, yes, I did.
  • [noticing the large windows inside the White House]
  • Megamind: And what’s this? It’s like one of the giant monitors in the lair, but is seems to carry only one station.
  • Minion: Oh, that sir is called a window.
  • Megamind: Window!
  • Minion: All the kids are looking through them.
  • Megamind: Oooh! I’ve never had a view before. Metro City, Minion. It’s all mine. If my parents could see me now.
  • Minion: Sir, I am sure they’re smiling down from evil heaven.
  • [talking to a Drinking Bird toy]
  • Megamind: I know. Funny. Always thirsty, never satisfied. I understand you, little well dressed bird. Purposeless, emptiness. It’s a vacuum, isn’t it? It’s…What’s your vacuum like?
  • [Minion breaks through the door, singing and playing air guitar on a statue]
  • Minion: [singing] Going up the rails on a crazy train, sir!
  • Megamind: Hey, hey, hey! Not now, Minion. I’m in a heated, existential discussion with this dead eyed, plastic desk toy.
  • Minion: Is…is something wrong, sir?
  • Megamind: Just think about it. We have it all. Yet we have nothing. It’s just too easy now.
  • Minion: I’m sorry. You’ve lost me, sir.
  • Megamind: [wearily] I mean, we did it. Right?
  • Minion: Uh, well, you did it, sir. Yes, you’ve made that perfectly clear.
  • Megamind: Then why do I feel so…meloncholy.
  • Minion: Meloncholy?!
  • Megamind: Unhappy.
  • Minion: Oh, well, uh…what if tomorrow we could go kidnap Roxanne Ritchie? That always seems to lift your spirits.
  • Megamind: Good idea, Minion. But without him, what’s the point.
  • [through his window he notices the statue of Metro Man]
  • Minion: Him, sir?
  • Megamind: Nothing.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: This is Roxanne Ritchie, reporting from a city without a hero. Coming up next, are you ready to be a slave army? What you need to know.
  • [she does the cut sign to Hal]
  • Hal: Aaand, wrap that up and give it to a child on Christmas! Cause we’re done.
  • Hal: Wait, Roxy. I’m havin’ a party at my house, gonna be off the hook, or whatever. You should come over. I got a DJ, rented a bouncy house, made a gallon of dip. It’s gonna be sick!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, I…I don’t know, Hal. I don’t really feel like being around a bunch of people.
  • Hal: No, no, no! That’s the best part, it’ll just be like, you and me.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Wow! That…um, that’s certainly very tempting. But…
  • Hal: I did hire a wedding photographer. That’s just in case we were like, something crazy happened and we wanted a picture of it like, maybe we should have this for like, ever. Like a memory, you know?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Um, I’m gonna pass. I have some work here that I need to do, anyway.
  • Hal: Cool. So, Thursday? Soft Thursday?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Goodnight, Hal.
  • Hal: It’s a soft yes on Thursday.
  • [Roxanne turns and goes up the stairs, he goes back to his van]
  • Hal: [to himself] What’s wrong with me?! Rented a bouncy house! chicks don’t like bouncy houses, they like clowns!
  • [he hits his van and Roxanne hears him shout]
  • Hal: Ow! Aaah! Stupid van! You broke my finger!
  • [talking to Metro Man’s statue]
  • Megamind: I’m so tired of running rampant through the streets. What’s the point of being bad when there’s no good to try and stop you?
  • [talking to Metro Man’s statue]
  • Megamind: I had so many evil plans on works; The Illiteracy Beam, Typhoon Cheese, Robo Sheep. Battles now we will never have. You know, I never had the chance to say goodbye. So it’s good that have this time now. You know, before I destroy the place. Nothing personal, it just brings back too many painful memories.
  • [after Megamind has set the bomb to go off he hears Roxanne on the other side of the Metro Man statue and he runs to save her and bumps into Bernard]
  • Bernard: That’s a pretty tasteless costume.
  • Megamind: Costume?!
  • Bernard: Megamind’s head is not that grossly exaggerated.
  • [Megamind shoots his dehydration gun at Bernard but it doesn’t work]
  • Bernard: Uuh! You even made a cheap replica of his dehydration gun. How…
  • [Megamind shoots his dehydration gun at Bernard again and this time it works]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Hello, who’s there?
  • [Megamind just makes it in time in transforming himself to look like Bernard]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Oh! Woow! It’s just you, Bernard.
  • Megamind: Oh, yes. It’s just me. Bernard!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Well, thank you for letting me stay.
  • Megamind: Look, I wouldn’t stay here for more than two minutes and thirty seven seconds if I were you. We’re having the walls and ceilings removed.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Wow! That sounds like quite the renovation. I guess I’ll um…catch a ride down with you then.
  • [gets into the elevator with Megamind disguised as Bernard’s]
  • [Roxanne’s talking to Megamind who’s disguised as Bernard]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I kept thinking he was gonna do one of his last minute escapes.
  • Megamind: Yeah, he was really good at those.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Oh! If only the world had a rest button.
  • Megamind: I’ve looked into the reset button.
  • [he breaks down]
  • Megamind: The science is impossible.
  • Megamind: Metro Man’s gone and now there’s no one left to challenge Megamind.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, come on, Bernard! As long as there’s evil, good will rise up against it.
  • Megamind: Uuh, I wish!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I believe someone’s is gonna stand up to Megamind.
  • Megamind: You really think so?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah, it’s like they say. Heroes aren’t born, they’re made!
  • Megamind: Heroes can be made. That’s it! All you need are the right ingredients.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah. Bravery.
  • Megamind: Yes.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Strength.
  • Megamind: Of course!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Determination.
  • Megamind: Imperative! And a smidgen of DNA. Oh, with that anyone can be a hero!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah!
  • [he laughs and picks up Roxanne in excitement, his alarm goes off]
  • Megamind: I think we should run!
  • [standing in front of the Metro Man museum]
  • Megamind: Time to put the past behind us.
  • [he transforms himself back to being Megamind]
  • Megamind: Only the future…
  • [the Metro Man museum suddenly explodes in his face]
  • Megamind: Aaaah! Oh! I’m too close! I’m genuinely scared right now! Oh! I don’t know if I’ve seen this! Aah!
  • Minion: Create a hero? What, what…what?! Why would you do that?
  • Megamind: So I have someone to fight. Minion, I’m a villain without a hero. A yin with no yang! A bull fighter with no bull to fight. In other words, I have no purpose!
  • Minion: How are you gonna do it?
  • [Metro man shows him the poster boards he’s made with all his ideas]
  • Megamind: I’m going to give someone, I don’t know who yet, Metro Man’s powers. We’re going to train that someone to become Metro City’s new hero. Over here, follow!
  • [revealing the last poster board]
  • Megamind: And then finally, I’m going to fight that hero in an epic battle of good and evil. We’ll put everything back the way it was when the world was perfect and rosy.
  • Megamind: Behold, Minion, Metro Man’s cape! Look closely.
  • [he pushes a large lensed towards Minion]
  • Megamind: Tell me what you see?
  • Minion: Dandruff?
  • Megamind: Ha…ha…yes! It’s his DNA! From this we’ll extract the source of Metro Man’s awesome power.
  • Minion: Sir, I think this is a bad idea.
  • [extracting Metro Man’s essence]
  • Megamind: Yes, this is a very wickedly bad idea for the greater good of bad!
  • Minion: But I’m saying this is a kind of bad that, okay, I think it’s good from your “bad” perception, but from a “good” perception, it…it…it’s just plain bad!
  • Megamind: Oh, you don’t know what’s good for bad!
  • [a tune from a cell phone goes off]

Megamind: What on earth is that?

  • Minion: It seems to be emanating from there, sir.
  • [points to Megamind’s ass, Megamind pulls out the cell phone from his back pocket and answers it]
  • Megamind: Oh, hollo…
  • Minion: It’s ‘hello’.
  • [speaking into the cell phone]
  • Megamind: Oh. Hello?
  • [to Minion]
  • Megamind: Like that?
  • [Roxanne’s voice comes through the cell phone]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Bernard, it’s Roxanne.
  • [whispering to Minion]
  • Megamind: It’s Roxanne!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I just want to thank you for inspiring me the other day.
  • Megamind: Oh! You inspired me too.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Great. It’s time we stood up to Megamind and show him he can’t push us around.
  • Megamind: Oh! Oh, really?
  • [whispers to Minion]
  • Megamind: She’s so cute!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I’m already hot on his trail.
  • Megamind: Uh-huh. And what gives you that idea?
  • Minion: Uh, sir?
  • Megamind: I just found his secret hide out!
  • [Roxanne’s face appears on the security TV screens]
  • Megamind: [shouting] How did she find my hideout?
  • [back onto the cell phone]
  • Megamind: Uh, how did you find his hideout?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: This is the only building in Metro City with a fake observatory on the roof.
  • [to Minion]
  • Megamind: Okay. There’s no way she’ll find the secret entrance.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Haaa! There’s a doormat here that says ‘Secret Entrance’.
  • Megamind: Minion!
  • Minion: I kept forgetting where it was!
  • Megamind: She’ll discover all our secrets!
  • [after Roxanne has entered into Megamind secret hideout]
  • Megamind: Roxanne?
  • [Roxanne turns around in surprise and see’s Bernard who’s in fact Megamind in disguise]
  • Megamind: Wow!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, I’m glad you here. Wait, how did you get here so fast?
  • Megamind: Well, I uh, I happen to be speed walking nearby when you called.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: In your suit?
  • Megamind: Uh-huh. It’s called, formal speed walking. But that’s not important. I’d better take the lead. This way looks exciting.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: No, it says exit.
  • Megamind: Uh, which is the abbreviation for ex-citing, right?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: What have you done with Bernard?
  • Megamind: Bernard? Oh, yes. I’m doing horrible things to that man. I don’t want to get into it, but lasers, spikes.
  • [he opens a trap door and put his head in pretending to be Bernard shouting]
  • Megamind: Oh, please, don’t! Not the lasers and the spikes!
  • [speaking to Roxanne]
  • Megamind: You know, the drill.
  • [puts his back in the trap door pretending to shout as Bernard]
  • Megamind: Oh, no! Not the drill? Aaargh!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Let him go!
  • Megamind: Or what?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Or I’m gonna find out what this weird looking gun does!
  • [she points the gun that has Metro Man’s DNA extraction at Megamind]
  • Megamind: Oh, god! Don’t shoot that gun! I’ll just go get him.
  • [Roxanne looks as the trap door opens and it’s Megamind transformed as Bernard]
  • Megamind: Unhand me you fiend! It’s his strength’s, it’s too much!
  • [transformed back as Megamind he pops his out of the trap door]
  • Megamind: Aargh! I work out!
  • [the trap door opens and it Megamind transformed as Bernard]
  • Megamind: It’s really paying off! You’re so fit and strangely charismatic!
  • [the door closes and suddenly Megamind transformed as Bernard is thrown out]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Are you okay?
  • Megamind: I did my best, but he’s too fantastic!
  • [Megamind pulls Roxanne put out from door marked exit which is a room filled with music, disco lighting and alligators]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, Bernard! You were right about that door being exciting.
  • Hal: What’s going on?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Hal, what happened?
  • [Hal is holding is nose as the Metro Man’s DNA extraction was accidentally shot up his nose]
  • Hal: I think a bee flew up my nose. I was just about to make my frontal assault to rescue you, but like, fifty ninjas tried to attack me. So, I uh, had to beat them all up and I, I did and they were all like, crying and stuff…
  • Megamind: Wow! Brave one, isn’t he?
  • Hal: Who are you?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, thi…this is Bernard. He’s my partner.
  • Hal: Partner?
  • Megamind: Yes, yes. Partner.
  • Hal: Well, look partner, I’m her partner. She doesn’t know what she’s saying, she’s been through a traumatic experience.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I better take him home. Thanks again, Bernard.
  • [she hugs him]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I’ll call you tomorrow, partner.
  • Megamind: Yeah, okay. I’d like that.
  • Hal: That was weird for everybody. Cause you accidentally hugged him instead of me.
  • Megamind: Who is this man, infused with god-like power?
  • [Hal holding his nose crosses the road, he trips and falls onto Megamind’s invisible car]
  • Minion: Well sir, his name is Hal Stewart. He is twenty eight years old, no criminal record, actually no records at all. Apparently this man hasn’t accomplished anything.
  • Megamind: Not yet, Minion. Not yet!
  • [Megamind breaks into Hal’s apartment]
  • Hal: Is this a robbery? Cause the lady across the hall has way better stuff than me.
  • Megamind: Oh, look, it’s Hal Stewart. Quick, the spray.
  • [Minion tries to spray something from a can, but it doesn’t work]
  • Minion: Oops! All out!
  • Megamind: Well, use the forget-me stick.
  • Minion: Oh, right!
  • [knocks out Hal with the stick]
  • Megamind: Huh! Just look at him.
  • Minion: No, he doesn’t look quite the hero type to me.
  • Megamind: Oh, you’re such a pill, Minion.
  • Megamind: I smell a hero.
  • Minion: I smell something burning.
  • Megamind: I think it’s working. Places! Places! Pla…places!
  • [they go over to stand in front of the pull out bed that Hal is trapped inside]
  • Megamind: Do you have your disguise?
  • [Minion puts on an apron and wig and Megamind activates a hologram]
  • Minion: What?
  • [Megamind disguised as Jor-El looks at Minion]
  • Megamind: You look fantastic.
  • [the pull out bed bursts and reveals a buffed up Hal]
  • Hal: What’s going on?
  • [Megamind’s disguised as Jor-El]
  • Megamind: Easy, my child.
  • Hal: Who are you?
  • Megamind: I sent you to this planet to teach you about justice, honor and nobility. I am your father.
  • Hal: So you’re like, my space dad?
  • Megamind: Yeah, I’m like your space dad.
  • Hal: And you are what?
  • Minion: I’m your space stepmom. I’ve had some work done recently.
  • Hal: Is this some kind of dream?
  • [Megamind’s disguised as Jor-El]
  • Megamind: This is a dream come true. You’ve been blessed with unfathomable power.
  • Hal: What kind of power?
  • Megamind: Unfathomable. It’s unf…with…without fathom.
  • Hal: Wow!
  • Megamind: Yeah, we’ve come to guide you on your path to be Metro City’s new hero and battle the super genius of Megamind!
  • [after his attempts to train Hal to be a super hero]
  • Megamind: He’s hopeless. Hopeless!
  • Minion: Maybe we should change tactics.
  • Megamind: You think so?
  • Minion: Oh, you know how boys are.
  • [Megamind gets a text message from Roxanne asking him to meet her]
  • Minion: They love video games. I could throw a few parts together…
  • [Megamind types back a reply text]
  • Megamind: Can’t wait. LOL. Smiley face.
  • Minion: Can’t wait for what, sir?
  • [Megamind disguised as Bernard is having dinner with Roxanne]
  • Megamind: [laughing] Aha! That was such a funny story! Huh! And brilliantly told by the way. Okay, now you tell one.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Bernard, I never knew you were so funny.
  • Megamind: And I never heard you laugh before.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah, it’s been a while. Feels pretty good.
  • [Roxanne and Megamind disguised as Bernard are having a picnic]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Okay, okay. Metro Man and I were never a couple.
  • Megamind: But I thought you two…
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I know, everybody did, it’s just he was never really my type.
  • Megamind: Really?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah. Okay, now you tell me something. Something you’ve never told anyone.
  • Megamind: Well, in shh…school none of the other kids really liked me. I was always the last one picked for everything.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Mmm, it’s too bad that we didn’t go to the same school.
  • [Megamind disguised as Jor-El gives Hal a present box]
  • Megamind: Hal, I think you’re ready for this.
  • [Hal opens and takes out a really small super hero costume]
  • Hal: Do I have a son?
  • Megamind: No. Ha…ha! You make me laugh. It stretches, it’s for you.
  • Hal: Hey, what’s the T stand for?
  • Megamind: Titan.
  • Hal: Titan? What’s that supposed to mean?
  • Megamind: It was the only name I could trademark.
  • [Megamind is watching Roxanne on his many TV screens reporting news]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: The city’s parks restored to their original glory. The streets the safest they’ve been. The banks re-opened. Has something happened to Megamind? Has someone tamed this monster? This is Roxanne Ritchie, cautiously optimistic and pleasantly confused.
  • Minion: Well you seem in a very good mood tonight, sir.
  • Megamind: Ha? How long is this going to take, Minion?
  • [Minion is measuring Megamind]
  • Minion: Just a few alterations, sir, and I will be done with your most terrifying cape yet! I’m calling it Mambaaaaa…!
  • Megamind: Black Mamba. Perfect!
  • Minion: Where…where are you going, sir? We have our debut battle with Titan tomorrow morning. We haven’t even tested your big battle suite yet!
  • Megamind: You attend to the details, Minion. I have to…run a quick errand.
  • Minion: You don’t run errands. What’s going on here?
  • Megamind: What?
  • Minion: Oh, wait a minute!
  • [Minion smells Megamind]
  • Minion: Are you wearing Jean Paul Gaultier’s Pour Homme?
  • Megamind: It’s just my natural musk.
  • Minion: This is about Miss Ritchie, isn’t it? You’re going on a date with her!
  • [Megamind laughs]
  • Megamind: No, my main man! Get out of town!
  • Minion: Oh, this is bad. This is bad! You’ve fallen in love with her!
  • Megamind: You are forgetting your place, Minion! Now give me the keys!
  • [Minion stretches the arm in which his hand is holding the car key]
  • Minion: What happens when Roxanne finds out who you really are?
  • Megamind: She will never find out. That’s the point of lying!
  • [Megamind pushes a button on Minion robotic body which makes his stretched arm fall]
  • Megamind: Honestly, it I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was your first day of being evil.
  • Minion: I may not know much, but I do know this; the bad guy doesn’t get the girl.
  • Megamind: Maybe I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore.
  • [Minion screams]
  • Megamind: You heard me!
  • [in shock Minion whispers]
  • Minion: Who are you?
  • Minion: My soul purpose in life is to look after you!
  • Megamind: Well, I don’t need you to look after me.
  • Minion: What are…what are you saying? You don’t need me?
  • Megamind: Let me make it clear. Code; I don’t need you.
  • Minion: You know what? You know what? Code; I’ll just pack my things and go!
  • Megamind: Code; fine!
  • Minion: Code; fine back!
  • [just as Minion’s about to leave]
  • Minion: Well, good luck on your date!
  • Megamind: I will!
  • Minion: That doesn’t even make any sense!
  • Megamind: I know!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Titan! What’s a Titan?
  • [Hal dressed in his Titan super hero costume floats up behind her]
  • Hal: My super ears are burning!
  • [Roxanne screams in shock]
  • Hal: I usually just sneak up on criminals. You haven’t been naughty, have you?
  • [Roxanne just looks at him in shock]
  • Hal: I’m totally messin’ with you. I’m totally messing with you. The name’s Titan.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Titan!
  • Hal: You very own heroic guardian of pure awesome. What’s your name? I’m kiddin’, I know everything about you. [after he’s grabbed Roxanne he’s holding her in his arms, flying over the city] This must be very thrilling for you.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: What do you think you’re doing?
  • Hal: Oh, am I going to fast? You’re probably right, I should just rescue you a few times before we get all romantic. [he drops her on purpose] Woops! [he flies down and catches her to rescue her] Saved. You are lucky to have such a hero here! [he flies her onto top of a building and puts her down]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Are you crazy?
  • Hal: I suppose I’m a little crazy…about you!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Who are you? Really?
  • Hal: Oh, oh, right! Well, prepare to have your mind blown little lady. [he takes off his face mask] Ta-da.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Hal!
  • Hal: Yeah! Isn’t this great? Now there’s nothing keeping us apart.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: No, it’s not great.
  • Hal: Wow, our first fight. This is so us, we’re like an old married couple.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Look, there is no ‘us’! Okay? There will never be an ‘us’.
  • Hal: But, I have powers! I have a cape! I’m the good guy!
  • [Megamind disguised as Bernard is waiting at the restaurant for Roxanne when she arrives late with wind swept hair]
  • Megamind: Roxanne!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I’m sorry I’m late.
  • Megamind: Wow, your hair! It looks exciting
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Mmm, not the only exciting development of the night. Megamind’s created a new hero and I know why.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: It all makes sense now. He missed getting his butt kicked…
  • Megamind: Mmm-hmm.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: …so he created a new hero…
  • Megamind: Yeah.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: …to kick it for him!
  • [Megamind is about to drink when he spits it out in surprise]
  • Megamind: Wow! Who?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Hal! Hal’s the worst possible person you could pick!
  • Megamind: Wow! That’s a lot to take in.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: It…it…it boggles my mind!
  • Megamind: I am extremely boggled. You know, I’m sure we’ll get to the bottom of who’s kicking whose butt. But in the meantime, let’s enjoy each other’s company.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I’m sorry, Bernard. Of course, you’re right. You know, I could use a breather.
  • [she raises her champagne glass for a toast]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: To, Bernard. For being the only normal thing in my crazy, upside down world.
  • Megamind: To, being normal.
  • Megamind: Roxanne?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Yes.
  • Megamind: Say I wasn’t so normal. Say I was bald and I had the complexion of…of a popular primary color as a random, non-specific example. Would you still enjoy my company?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Of course! You don’t judge a book by its cover or a person from the outside.
  • Megamind: Aaah! That’s a relief to hear.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You judge them based on their actions.
  • Megamind: Well, that seems kind of betty. Don’t you think?
  • [Roxanne laughs then kisses Megamind disguised as Bernard]
  • [as he’s kissing Roxanne he’s accidentally turned back into his real form and suddenly everyone in the restaurant realizes, Roxanne pushes him back]
  • Megamind: What? What?
  • [he looks down at his hands and realizes that he’s in his real form]
  • Megamind: Haaa! Aaah! Don’t look at me! Just…just a technical glitch! Don’t look yet.
  • [he presses buttons on his watch to try and turn himself back into Bernard, but he’s turned into the Warden]
  • Megamind: No, not that.
  • [he presses more buttons on this watch]
  • Megamind: Ooh! Ow!
  • [he’s then turned into Jor-El but he doesn’t realize and turns to Roxanne]
  • Megamind: Where were we?
  • [Roxanne throws a glass of water over him and he’s turned back into his real form]
  • Megamind: Now, now, hold on!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You! Ooh!
  • [Roxanne leaves in anger]
  • Megamind: I can explain.
  • [Roxanne turns away in anger]
  • Megamind: What about everything you just said? About judging a book by its cover?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Well, let’s take a look at the content then, shall we? You destroyed Metro Man, you took over the city, and then you actually got me to care about you! Why are you so evil? Tricking me! What could you possibly hoped to gain?
  • [Megamind looks at her sadly]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Wait a minute. Uhhh! I don’t believe this. Do you really think that I would ever be with you?
  • Megamind: [sadly] No.
  • [Roxanne walks away from him]
  • [back at his lair]
  • Megamind: Okay, Minion! You were right! I was…less right! We should stick to what we’re good at. Being bad. Minion?
  • [after he’s put on his Black Mamba suit and prepared himself for his battle with Titan]
  • Megamind: Okay, Titan! It’s time to go down in style.
  • [after waiting for hours in his big battle suite, in the city, ready to do his battle with Titan]
  • Megamind: Uhhh! This is embarrassing!
  • [he gets up and walks in his big battle suite to get Hal]
  • Megamind: Wholly inconsiderate, bone-head, irresponsible, rude, unprofessional! That’s what this is!
  • [he crashes through the wall of Hal’s apartment]
  • Megamind: Would Metro Man have kept me waiting? Of course not! He was a pro!
  • [Hal is sitting in front of his TV playing a video game]
  • Hal: Hey, Megamind. You’re actually the guy I want to see. Also there’s a door here.
  • Megamind: Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for you?
  • Hal: No, no, no! I totally understand what you’re saying. Could you just…just shut up for one second, I’m trying to beat this.
  • Megamind: Were you even planning on showing up?
  • [looking at all the gadgets]
  • Megamind: Where did you get all this stuff?
  • Hal: It doesn’t belong to me.
  • Megamind: You stole it!
  • Hal: Pretty cool, right?
  • Megamind: No, no, no, no! You’re a hero!
  • Hal: Being a hero is for losers. It’s work, work, work, twenty-four-seven. And for what? I only took the gig to get the girl and it turns out Roxanne doesn’t want anything to with me.
  • Megamind: Roxanne Ritchie?
  • Hal: Yeah, Roxanne Ritchie. I saw her having dinner and making goo-googly eyes at some intellectual dweeb.
  • Megamind: Ooh!
  • Hal: Who needs all that noise! That’s why I think we should team up.
  • Megamind: You…wait…what?
  • Hal: With my power and your big-headedness we could rule the city!
  • Megamind: I can’t believe you. With all your gifts, all your powers and you…you squander them for your own personal gain.
  • Hal: Yes!
  • Megamind: No! I forbid it! You’re the good guy I do something bad, and you come and get me. That’s why I created you!
  • Hal: Yeah, right! You’re nuts! Space dad told me…
  • Megamind: Look, I’m your space dad!
  • [he transforms into Jor-El]
  • Megamind: You should be more like Metro Man.
  • Hal: Ah! You tricked me!
  • Megamind: Ooh, you don’t like that, huh? Well, there’s more.
  • [he transforms into Bernard]
  • Megamind: I’m also the intellectual dweeb dating Roxanne.
  • Hal: No!
  • Megamind: And we were smooching up…
  • [he transforms back into his real form]
  • Megamind: …a storm!
  • [when Hal hits him]
  • Megamind: And the hero strikes the first blow! But evil returns with a back hand!
  • [looking for Megamind]
  • Hal: Come out you little freak! I wanna see what that big brain looks like on the pavement.
  • [after they’ve ended their big battle]
  • Megamind: Oh, well done! I thought that battle went really, really well. I mean, I have a few notes…
  • Hal: Notes?!
  • Megamind: But they can wait. You can take me to jail now.
  • Hal: Oh, no, no, no! I was thinking more like the morgue. You’re dead!
  • Megamind: Woh, woh, woh! This isn’t how you play the game.
  • Hal: Game over!
  • [after big ball of copper has been dropped on Hal]
  • Megamind: Guess what, Buster Brown? It’s made from copper. You’re powerless against it. It’s the very same metal used to defeat…
  • [Hal’s fist punches out through the metal]
  • Megamind: …Metro Man!
  • Hal: You should stop comparing me to Metro Man.
  • Mayor: We’re saved! We’re saved! What’s your name new hero?
  • Hal: It’s Titan.
  • Mayor: Thank you. Thank you! Titan has freed us.
  • [the crowd of people in the city cheer]
  • Hal: Oh, I wouldn’t say free. More like, under new management.
  • [Megamind shows up outside Roxanne apartment door]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: What do you want?
  • Megamind: Titan’s turned evil.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Congratulations, another one of your genius plans has backfired on you. And why did my door man let you up?
  • [Megamind gives Roxanne a small cubed box]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Haaa! Carlos!
  • [Roxanne tries to shut the door on him]
  • Megamind: Please Roxanne, no! No! I need your help.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Why do you need my help?
  • Megamind: Because you’re the smartest person I know.
  • Megamind: Look, if we don’t find Titan’s weakness he’ll destroy the whole city.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Okay, how can I help?
  • Megamind: We need to find answers. You knew Metro Man best, did he have a hideout? A cave? A solitary fortress of some kind? Anything that would give us clues?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Well there is one place I know.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You gave him these powers, can’t you just take them away?
  • Megamind: I can’t. I lost my diffuser gun when I misplaced the invisible car. The night you dumped me. Alone. In the rain. Did you ever look back?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: No!
  • [she breaks really hard causing Megamind head to crash his head on the windscreen]
  • Megamind: Ow! My giant blue head!
  • [in Metro Man’s secret hideout]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Look, this glass has ice cubes in it!
  • Megamind: Yes, that’s what happens when water gets cold.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: No. What I’m saying is don’t you think it’s a little odd that the ice hasn’t melted yet?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Once of life’s great mystery’s.
  • [Metro Man is behind them tries to sneak away but they hear him and turn around]

Metro Man: Hey!

  • [Megamind and Roxanne both scream]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You’re alive?
  • Megamind: You’re alive?
  • Metro Man: I’m alive.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: But…but…but we…we saw your skeleton. You were dead.
  • Megamind: Are you a ghost?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: There had better be an amazing explanation for this.
  • Megamind: Speak apparition.
  • [to Megamind and Roxanne]
  • Metro Man: Okay. Okay, okay, okay. You both deserve the truth. Then I’ll start it back at the observatory.
  • [we see flashback when Metro Man is stuck in the observatory]
  • Metro Man: [voice over] Roxanne was kidnapped, I was gonna stop you. My head wasn’t in the game that day. We were kind of goin’ through the motions. So, using my super speed I decided to go clear my head. Then I realized, we had done this same silly charade our entire lives. I tried to get my mind off how I was feeling, but I just felt stuck. And I began to realize, despite all my powers, each and every citizen of Metro had something I didn’t; a choice. Ever since I can remember I’ve always had to be what this city wanted me to be. What about what I wanted to do? Then it suddenly hit me, I do have a choice! I can be whatever I wanna be! No one said that this hero thing had to be a life time gig. You can’t just quit either. That’s when I got the brilliant idea to fake my death.
  • [flash back to the observatory, when he told Megamind copper made him weak]
  • Metro Man: [voice over] Once your death ray hit, I’ve never felt so alive.
  • [we see him flying with a skeleton in his hand]
  • Metro Man: [voice over] So I borrowed a prop from a nearby nursing school and Metro Man was finally dead! And Music Man was born!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Music Man?
  • Metro Man: That way I can keep my logo.
  • Megamind: Cause of what?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Come again?
  • Metro Man: I was finally free to get in touch with my true power. Reading lyrical magic. Check this out.
  • [he starts to play the guitar]
  • Metro Man: [singing] I have eyes, that can see, right through lead…
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You’re horrible!
  • [Roxanne starts to throw things on to Metro Man’s head]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: How could you do this? The people of the city rely on you and you deserted them.
  • [she smashes his guitar on his head]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You left us in the hands of…HIM!
  • [points at Megamind]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: [to Megamind] No offense.
  • Megamind: No, I’m with you!
  • [to Megamind]
  • Metro Man: I’m sorry. I really am. Um, I’m…I’m done. You know, little buddy, there’s a yin for every yang. If there’s bad, good will rise up against it. It’s taken me a long time to find my calling. Now it’s about time you find yours.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: We can beat Titan ourselves. I say we go back to the evil lair, grab some ray guns, hold ’em sideways and just go all ‘gangsta’ on him.
  • Megamind: We can’t.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: So that’s it. You’re just giving up?
  • Megamind: I’m the bad guy. I don’t save the day. I don’t fly off into the sunset and I don’t get the girl. I’m going home.
  • [watching TV in his prison cell, Megamind sees Hal has captured Roxanne]
  • Hal: Come on Roxy, call for your hero to come rescue you.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Megamind, I don’t even know if you’re listening. But if you are, you can’t give up! The Megamind I knew would never have run from a fight, even when he knew he had absolutely no chance of winning. It was your best quality. You need to be that guy right now. The city needs you. I need you.
  • [to the TV screen]
  • Megamind: Roxanne!
  • [Hal moves the TV camera on himself; to Megamind]
  • Hal: You have one hour. Don’t keep me waiting.
  • Megamind: Warden! Warden! Listen to me, you have to let me go. Titan has to be stopped!
  • Warden: Sorry, Megamind. You still have eighty eight life sentences to go. Plenty of time to reflect on what you’ve done.
  • Megamind: Did you want to hear me say it? I’ll say it. Here it is; from the blackest part of my heart, I am sorry!
  • Warden: Not buying it.
  • Megamind: Aah! I don’t blame you. I’ve terrorized this city countless times. Created a hero who’s turned out to be a villain. I lied to Roxanne. My best friend, Minion, I treated like dirt. Please don’t make this city, don’t make Roxanne pay for my wrong doings.
  • [Warden opens the cell door]
  • Warden: Apology accepted.
  • [Warden touches a button on his watch and is transformed in to Minion]
  • Megamind: Oh, Minion. You fantastic fish, you!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Please don’t do this. I know there’s still good in you, Hal.
  • Hal: You’re so naive, Roxy. You see the good in everybody, even when it’s not there. You’re living a fantasy. There is no Easter Bunny. There is no Tooth Fairy. And there is no Queen of England. This is the real world, and you need to wake up!
  • [as a giant hologram of Megamind’s head appears in the sky]
  • Hal: This town isn’t big enough for two supervillains!
  • Megamind: Oh, you’re a villain all right, just not a super one!
  • Hal: Yeah? What’s the difference?
  • [Megamind’s giant hologram head opens its mouth and from the inside appears Megamind]
  • Megamind: Presentation!
  • [Megamind frees Roxanne from the tower]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I knew you’d come back.
  • Megamind: Well, that made one of us!
  • [Hal prepares to through a skyscraper at Megamind and Roxanne]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: What’s the plan?
  • Megamind: Well, it mostly involves not dying!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I like that plan!
  • [Metro Man stops the bus Hal has just thrown at Roxanne]
  • Metro Man: Please, let’s have a little respect for public transportation.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You came back!
  • Metro Man: You were right, Roxanne. I never should have left.
  • Hal: Woh! I…I thought you were dead!
  • Metro Man: My death was…greatly exaggerated. So, you’re the punk I’ve heard about.
  • [Roxanne holds a wounded Megamind]
  • Megamind: I’m sorry. I did the best I could.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: I’m so proud of you.
  • [Megamind touches his watch and he transforms into Minion]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Minion!
  • Minion: Surprise! Heh…heh…heh! He’s the real hero.
  • [he points to Metro Man chasing Hal and Roxanne realizes it’s Megamind disguised as Metro Man]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Megamind!
  • [Megamind disguised as Metro Man is flying over Hal who’s trying to get away]
  • Megamind: Going somewhere?
  • Hal: [surprised] Ah!
  • Megamind: Besides jail.
  • [Roxanne touches Megamind’s watch and transforms him into his real self Hal flies in from behind]
  • Hal: Pretty sneaky, sis. But there’s only one person I know who calls this town Metro City.
  • Megamind: Oops!
  • [as he’s fighting with Megamind]
  • Hal: Bet you think it’s really funny? Let’s all laugh at the really cool guy, huh? You’re not gonna be laughing for long!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Haa! The invisible car!
  • [shouting to Megamind]
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Hey, remember that night that I dumped you?
  • Megamind: You are bringing this up now!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Well, I did look back.
  • Megamind: [quietly] You did? [shouts] You did?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Yes! And you should look back right now.
  • Megamind: Ah! I get it!
  • [Hal gets a hold of Megamind]
  • Hal: This is the last time you make a fool out of me!
  • Megamind: I made you a hero. You did the fool thing all by yourself!
  • [Hal hits Megamind really hard in the face]
  • Hal: You’re so pathetic. No matter what side you’re on, you’re always the loser.
  • Megamind: There’s a benefit to losing, you get to learn from your mistakes.
  • [he then jumps into the invisible car and grabs the diffuser gun]
  • [as he’s falling down from the sky]
  • Megamind: [voice over] So, this is how it ends. Normally I’d chalk this up to my last glorious failure. But not today! What can I say, old habits die hard.
  • [Megamind falls from the sky and grabs the diffuser gun from the water in front of Hal]
  • Megamind: Oh, hollo!
  • [he shoves the diffuser gun up Hal’s nose and fires it destroying Hal’s super powers]
  • Megamind: Thing about bad guys; they always lose!
  • Hal: Ah!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You did it! You won!
  • Megamind: Well, I finally had a reason to win. You!
  • [Roxanne hugs him]
  • Minion: I can’t see, it’s cold and warm, and dark and light.
  • Megamind: It’s me, Minion. I’m right here.
  • Minion: We’ve had a lot of adventures together, you and I.
  • Megamind: We have, Minion.
  • Minion: [coughing] Oh…I mean most of them ended in horrible failure, but we won today. Didn’t we, sir?
  • Megamind: Yes, Minion. We did it. Thanks to you.
  • Minion: Code; we’re the good guys now.
  • Megamind: Code; I guess we are.
  • Minion: Oh…oh…I…I’m going! I think this…this is it! I’m going to…! I’m going far away!
  • [he shakes and coughs and finally closes his eyes]
  • [after Minion looks as though he’s died Megamind throws him into the nearby pond water]
  • Megamind: Huh! What a drama queen!
  • [suddenly Minion pops out of the pond water]
  • Minion: You know, I’m feelin’ much better now. I guess I just needed a swim.
  • Megamind: He had you, didn’t he?
  • Roxanne Ritchie: [relieved] Woow!
  • Megamind: Classic Minion. Don’t give me that face. Brilliant, that little face. Look at that face!
  • Minion: We did it! We did it!
  • Megamind: Fist pump!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: We did it!
  • Megamind: We won! We won! We won!
  • [he hugs Roxanne]
  • [the crowd gets close as they’re celebrating their victory over destroying Hal; suddenly *Megamind pulls out his weapon]
  • Megamind: Get back, you savages!
  • Roxanne Ritchie: Sorry! Sorry! He’s just not used to positive feedback.
  • Megamind: [voice over] Funny, I guess destiny is not the path given to us, but the path we choose for ourselves.
  • [as Roxanne is hugging him]
  • Megamind: [voice over] I have to admit, being good has it’s perks.
  • Roxanne Ritchie: You know, you look pretty good in white.
  • [last lines]
  • Mayor: Ladies and gentlemen. Megamind, defender of Metro City!
  • [the crowd cheers]
  • Megamind: [voice over] You know, I like the sound of that.
  • [he suddenly turns]
  • Megamind: [voice over] Hit it!
  • [Minion turns up the music playing Michael Jackson’s song ‘Bad’]

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