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  • Marmaduke: High school. Look familiar? Yeah. Being a teenager, it can be rough, I'm not gonna lie to you. But if you're a teenager, and the world doesn't fit you, you're totally hosed!
  1. Oh, Mr. Pit...

Oh, Mr. Pit...

  1. Mr. Pitiful
  2. Who let you down?
  3. Who let you down?

Who let you down?

  • Marmaduke: And the harder you try to fit in, the more awkward it gets.
  1. Oh, Mr. Pit...

Oh, Mr. Pit...

  1. Mr. Pitiful
  2. Who let you down?
  • Marmaduke: Look at this poor guy. Brutal!
  1. Who let you down?

Who let you down? #

  • Marmaduke: But if you think being a big, awkward teenager is about the worst thing that can happen to you, try being a 200-pound teenage dog with a radar dish wrapped around your neck! Oh, yeah, that'll make me real popular. Luckily, they're easy to take off. Watch this.
  • Phil: Marmaduke!
  • Marmaduke: Told you!
  • Phil: Where are you?
  • Marmaduke: Hold your horses. I'm Marmaduke, by the way. I get yelled at a lot. Come on, let's meet the fam. The two-leggers. You're gonna love them. Here I come! This little Padawan here is Brian. Like most kids his age, he loves to hang out with me.
  • Brian: Come on, buddy. I can't see!
  • Marmaduke: Yeah, I'm pretty busy myself. I'll catch you later. And this social butterfly here is Barbara. She loves to play ball with me. Okay, Barb, you throw and I catch.
  • Barbara: He can be like that.
  • Marmaduke: Not like that. Is somebody cooking?
  • Debbie: Food!
  • Marmaduke: Debbie's pretty cool, and my main food hook-up. She slips me a steak here, some turkey there. Which is why I think she doesn't even care when I help myself. Come to daddy. Ahhh! Hot cheese! Oh, hot cheese!
  • Debbie: Marmaduke!
  • Marmaduke: The little one's Sarah. How cute is she? And she's my biggest fan. You know, it's important for them to get exercise at this age, so I try to take her for a walk every day. She's got a great laugh, doesn't she? Then there's my owner, Phil. He's a marketing guy for a local pet food company. I call him Doctor No sometimes, 'cause it's nothing but rules with him. No slobbering. No barking. No tackling the mailman. Here, let's see if he says no to this awesome hole I'm digging.
  • Phil: Marmaduke, no!
  • Marmaduke: See? Doctor No in the house. Why don't you just give it a chance? I will find China! What you're doing is cruel and unusual. I hate water.
  • Phil: Come on. Sit.
  • Marmaduke: Look, everybody's got a weakness.
  • Phil: Sit.
  • Marmaduke: Mine's water. It's my kryptonite.
  • Phil: Sit.
  • Marmaduke: Not sitting in this tub.
  • Phil: Sit, sit, sit.
  • Sarah: Sit, Marmaduke!
  • Marmaduke: [Marmaduke finally sits in the tub] What can I say? I'm a sucker for the kid.
  • Sarah: Bye-bye. [she leaves]
  • Marmaduke: Phil hates that. Hey, Sarah, where you going?
  • Phil: Stay.
  • Marmaduke: There's nothing good about getting a bath, except for this! Come on, Phil!
  • Phil: Not again. Marmaduke!
  • Marmaduke: Let's go!
  • Phil: Marmaduke!
  • Marmaduke: I like to give Phil a little exercise, too. He's cooped up in the office all day. Come on, Phil. That's the spirit!
  • Phil: Get back here!
  • Marmaduke: Over here! Come here, through here, Phil! I'm over here! Yeah, come on!
  • Phil: Not this time...
  • Marmaduke: You don't grab a tiger by the tail!
  • Phil: Marmaduke!
  • Marmaduke: Someone call the ASPCA! We got a crazy dog on the loose! Freedom!
  • Brian: Hey, Dad. What are you doing?
  • Marmaduke: Would it kill them to install a new dog door? I was like, two months old when they got this. I guess I had more pull before the growth spurt. Cue flashback.

Oh, he's so cute!

  • Marmaduke: See? Insanely cute.

Look at that lovable little Marma-pup.

  • Phil: Come here, you!
  • Marmaduke: But when you grow up into this, I get it. Not pretty. I'd ignore me, too.
  • Phil: Get back here!
  • Marmaduke: Hey, I'm talking here! Anyway, I try not to hold things against Phil. After all, he's only human. That's why I make it a point to never go to bed hungry. Let's see what we've got. Sausage from last week's barbecue, gonna need to let that breathe a few days.
  • Phil: This is our shot. California, the big leagues.
  • Debbie: In the big leagues, they take steroids and cheat with supermodels.
  • Phil: It's a marketing job with an organic pet food company. I think we'll be okay.
  • Marmaduke: Pepperoni pizza. Phil's loafer? No, I'll save it for dessert. And that, I have no idea what that is.
  • Debbie: Aren't we okay in Kansas?
  • Phil: Is that what we wanna be? Just okay?
  • Marmaduke: Coming in for a landing.
  • Phil: I wanna give you and the kids the life you deserve. I want a bigger house with a bedroom that doesn't smell like a meat-locker. This is our shot.
  • Debbie: Well, if this is our shot, then we should take it. But you have to tell the kids.
  • Phil: Done. Give me that.
  • Marmaduke: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, I wasn't done with that!
  • Phil: You don't have to worry, I've got my supermodel right here.
  • Debbie: Wow!
  • Marmaduke: Wait for it... Wait for it... [he farts next to Phil and Debbie]
  • Phil and Debbie: Marmaduke!
  • Phil: What did you eat?
  • Marmaduke: I know it's juvenile, but it's all I've got. So, there you have it. Day in the life of old Marmaduke, here.
  • Debbie: It's really bad!
  • Marmaduke: Guys, I am sorry. That was a little much, even for me. Bad Marmaduke. All right, enough. Lights out. Waffles, waffles, waffles, waffles, waffles! Yes! Saturday morning waffles! Got to love the Debster!
  • Carlos: Take it easy, man! A waffle is to be savored, not inhaled!
  • Marmaduke: Hey, this is my step-bro, Carlos, by the way. Say hey, Carlos.
  • Carlos: Hey, Carlos.
  • Marmaduke: He's pretty cool for a cat, which helps, since he's basically my only friend.
  • Carlos: You ready for a bombshell?
  • Marmaduke: Lay it on me.
  • Carlos: Phil just told everybody he got a new job. We're moving to the O.C.!
  • Marmaduke: Shut up! Really?
  • Carlos: No lie! I was so shocked, I hacked that thing up.
  • Marmaduke: Carlos, that's gross!
  • Phil: I know it's gonna take time to adjust, honey, but you'll make so many new friends there.
  • Brian: I think it sounds kind of cool.
  • Barbara: What do you care? All you do is play video games. This is so unfair!
  • Marmaduke: I got to say, I'm with Barbara on this one. You know how many bones I buried in the backyard?
  • Phil: Guys, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We'll have a big new house with a pool and a company car.
  • Marmaduke: Pets are always the last to find out! I don't even know where the O.C.'s at!
  • Seth: Okay, what's the deal? Is it something I said?

Something you weren't supposed to say.

  • Marmaduke: Does anyone even own a pet in this place? I haven't seen a single dog so far.

It's kind of hard to forgive you if you don't mean it...

  • Carlos: Oh! She's fine.
  • Marmaduke: Okay, so far, all I've learned about The O.C. is that no one has a pet and Seth, here, is a total drama queen.
  • Carlos: You're the biggest drama queen, amigo.
  • Marmaduke: Me? That's you, Carlos.
  • Carlos: You're, like, 200 pounds of drama, with a red collar!
  • Marmaduke:Oh, really? This conversation is over.
  • Carlos: No, no, no!
  • Marmaduke: Ejector seat. Never fails. And so, moving day arrived. And there was a feeling of hope and excitement for the whole family. Even Barbara was trying to lend a hand.
  • Barbara: That's mine...
  • Marmaduke: Carlos and I would have pitched in, too,
  • Barbara: You can't have it!
  • Marmaduke: but we were being shipped air freight and on lockdown!
  • Carlos: Hey, let me out of here. I'm not an animal! Oh, yeah, I am.
  • Phil: Look what I got. Debbie's meatballs!
  • Carlos: That's my man, Phil!
  • Phil: There you go.
  • Carlos: Looking out for his own.
  • Marmaduke: I don't know, Carlos. Something's fishy here.
  • Carlos:It's Debbie's meatballs, man. Don't question it!
  • Marmaduke: Oh! I know I shouldn't eat it, but I can't help it.
  • Phil: Good boy! Good boy!
  • Marmaduke: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I feel a little funny.
  • Carlos: This is a horrible mistake. I requested executive class!
  • Marmaduke: I think Phil put something in our meatballs!
  • Carlos: Have you ever looked at your paws? I mean, really looked at them?
  • Marmaduke: Yeah, yeah. I followed you on many adventures. But into the great unknown mystery, I will go first, amigo.
  • Carlos: Timber! Down and out.
  1. California, here we come
  2. Right back

where we started from

  1. California!
  2. California! #
  • Marmaduke: Wake up! I'm up, I'm up! Come on, Phil, let's do it!
  • Phil: Same dog, different floor.
  • Marmaduke: Yes! New city, new house, new smells! Good morning, Orange County! Oh, yeah. Hang on a second. Did you check out that doggie door? It fits! It fits! Oh! Look at this. It's got an ocean view! And a pool! This grass is so green! And this, by far, the nicest bathroom I've ever had. Speaking of which, a little privacy, please. [he covers the camera with his paw] Oh, yeah, brown collar. Good, that'll bring out my eyes. Come on, Phil, let's go!
  • Debbie: Is that weird that your boss wants to meet you at the dog park?
  • Phil: That's how they roll in Cali. Don's a bit eccentric, but that's what makes him so successful.
  • Marmaduke: Come on, Phil, shake a leg!
  • Phil: Easy, buddy! Wait. Pink?
  • Debbie: Fuchsia. That's how they roll in Cali.
  • Marmaduke: Come on, we're burning daylight. Let's do it!
  • Debbie: Don't worry about me, I'll just be here unpacking a thousand boxes.
  • Marmaduke: Freedom!
  • Phil: I promise I'll be home early to help!
  • Marmaduke: Let's go!
  • Debbie: That's the company car?
  1. California
  2. knows how to party
  3. California
  4. knows how to party
  5. In the city of L.A.
  • Marmaduke: We are living the dream, Phil!
  1. We keep it rockin'! #
  • Phil: Listen, big guy. Things are gonna work a little different out here. Give me those.
  • Marmaduke: Hey, that's part of my look!
  • Phil: We need to impress my new boss. I need you to be a good boy, a very good boy. Basically, the opposite of you. Hi. Morning!
  • Marmaduke: Phil's got nothing to worry about. Why? Twelve simple words. I've got a chance to completely re-invent myself and finally fit in. In short, I've got a new leash on life. Pun intended. Wow, this is Phil's office?
  • Phil: New life, here I come.
  • Marmaduke: Time to bring my A-game. Think small, play it cool, get your bark on. Just relax. Hey, how's it going? Beautiful day, huh? Oh, hey, cool sweater!
  • Sweater Dog: I'm sweating like a dog.
  • Marmaduke: Come on, big M, keep it together. Just focus. Whoa! What was that? Whoa!
  • Phil: Cool it!

Hey, wait for me.

  • Phil: Marmaduke, heel!

Phil, wait, wait, check it out!

  • Twombly: Winslow, here.
  • Phil: Oh, Mr. Twombly, there you are. It's great to see you again.

Who do we have here?

  • Phil: Come on, buddy!

Yeah! What's his name?

  • Phil: This is Marmaduke.
  • Twombly: Marmaduke! Well, you are one handsome Great Dane, you know that?
  • Marmaduke: I'm starting to like this guy!
  • Twombly: You've got yourself a beautiful best friend there, Phil.
  • Phil: Thank you! Marmaduke and I, we're like two peas in a pod.
  • Marmaduke: Hmm. Who's licking butt now?
  • Twombly: Interesting. I'm picking up something else here, also. Absolutely not a purebred.
  • Phil: Really?
  • Twombly: I'm sensing a little English Mastiff.
  • Marmaduke: [with his lips open] Hey, watch it!

Your guess is as good as mine. You don't know your own best friend, Phil?

  • Phil: Sure. Uh...
  • Twombly: I love dogs.

I can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his dog. That's why I like working out here. I can measure, first-hand, who I'm dealing with.

  • Marmaduke: Watch it, Phil. He can smell your fear.
  • Twombly: Plus, you get all this fresh air for out-of-the-box thinking. And, most importantly, I get to spend time with my little girl. Jezebel.
  • Marmaduke: Oh! Hello, Cali! Look at that fur!
  • Twombly: Right. Take off your shoes and let's walk.
  • Phil: You don't wear shoes out here?
  • Twombly: Come on, Phil. Channel your inner canine. Get some earth between your toes.
  • Phil: It's not the earth I'm worried about. Stay out of trouble.
  • Marmaduke: Good luck, Phil. You're gonna need it. Jezebel! Whoa! Hey, whoa, whoa. Watch it!
  • Giuseppe: Bakersfield.
  • Marmaduke: What the...
  • Raisin: He's definitely Midwest.
  • Giuseppe: Boston?
  • Mazie: I'm gonna say Kansas.
  • Marmaduke: How did you know?
  • Mazie: It's a gift. What's your handle, newbie?
  • Marmaduke: My name's Marmaduke.
  • Mazie: Yikes! Immediately moving on. Meet the gang. The egghead, here, is Raisin.
  • Raisin:Marmaduke. A unique synthesis of "marma", the scientific name for the jumping spider family...
  • Giuseppe: Oh! Oh! I hate spiders.
  • Raisin: ...and the Duke of Marlborough, the 17th-century English statesman.
  • Mazie: And the ultra-confident Chinese Crested over here is Giuseppe.
  • Giuseppe: Before you ask, yes, I'm a real dog. No, I'm not a chew toy. And I just get a little nervous sometimes because we live in California. This is the land of the puma!
  • Raisin:There are no pumas in Southern California.
  • Giuseppe: Pumas! They come out of nowhere.
  • Mazie: I'm Mazie, by the way.
  • Marmaduke: Good to meet you guys. Hey, you come here a lot?
  • Mazie: It's the dog park, man. It's like high school for dogs, which means there's a few packs to know about. First, you got your jocks.
  • Afghan: Nice catch, Brad.
  • Mazie: The only muscle they don't use is their brain.
  • Afghan: O-M-G, Brad is H-O-T!
  • Mazie: They mostly date Afghans. Who actually have no brain.
  • Afghan: Oh! Frisbee!
  • Mazie: Then you got your drama geeks.
  • Drama Dog 1: We're innocent.
  • Drama Dog 2: Don't shoot!
  • Owner: Bang, bang.
  • Mazie: And over here, your mushroom heads.
  • Shroom Head Dog: Somebody stop this thing, man. I got to get off, bro!
  • Mazie: Then there's your out-and-out juvenile delinquents.
  • Peewee: [he pees in a man's cup] Come on! Let's go, go!
  • Mazie: Word to the wise, avoid the water bowls here.
  • Man: [drinks cup and spits it out] Oh, come on! Again?
  • Marmaduke: So far, I'm not seeing anyone I'd really fit in with.
  • Mazie:Well, if you think you got the game, you could roll with our crew.
  • Marmaduke: Oh, yeah? Who's your crew?
  • Thunder and Lightning: Mutts! Hahahaha!
  • Thunder Weird!
  • Marmaduke: Who are those guys?
  • Raisin: The pedigrees, a.k.a. trouble.
  • Giuseppe: They're rich, and they're spoiled and they act like their fleas don't bite. It's ridiculous!
  • Mazie: The little land shrimps are Thunder and Lightning. Dog Vader over there is the man himself, Bosco. Alpha male who runs the park. He's the toughest dog around.
  • Marmaduke: Him? Huh. He doesn't look that tough.
  • Mazie: His girlfriend over there is Miss Perfect, Jezebel. And he's super-jealous, so stay away from her or he'll turn you into...
  • Bosco: Dog food. Hello, losers.
  • Mazie: Speak of the devil.
  • Bosco: So, I see you got a new mutt friend.
  • Thunder: [Bosco's drool lands on Thunder's head] Okay, that's wet.
  • Bosco: Shut up, Thunder. What's his name?
  • Marmaduke: Uh... Marmaduke.
  • Thunder: Mama-what?
  • Bosco: Well, well. My little fireplug said you were salivating on my girlfriend.
  • Marmaduke: No, no. I remember, somebody walked by eating beef jerky.
  • Bosco: Let me explain something. This is my park, and these are my rules. You look at my girlfriend again, and you're dead. You come near her, you're dead. You talk to her, and you're...
  • Bosco and Lightning: Dead.
  • Giuseppe: We're dead. Yeah, we're dead!
  • Bosco: He ain't nothing, watch. Come on, you wanna go? You wanna go?
  • Marmaduke: No! No! No, no, no.
  • Bosco: Didn't think so. Welcome to the O.C., mutt.
  • Lightning: Yeah, stand clear, Horsie. [Thunder and Lightning neigh]
  • Thunder: See you at the party tonight, not!
  • Giuseppe: Can I open my eyes now?
  • Raisin: Don't listen to that guy.
  • Giuseppe: Maybe listen to the part about staying away from his girlfriend or he'll kill you.
  • Marmaduke: What party was he talking about?
  • Mazie: Nothing, just a bunch of snobs scratching themselves under the yacht club pier. We're having our own party tonight. It's gonna be a classic O.C. rager, you should totally come.
  • Marmaduke: Not sure if I can get out, but I'll try.
  • Raisin: Great, it's gonna be a really good party!
  • Giuseppe: If you know what a party's like, it's gonna be better than that. Tell them you know me! You'll get right in.
  • Marmaduke: Thanks, Giuseppe! Good first day, Marmaduke. You played it cool. And I think I impressed a lot of dogs here today. Now, that is a pretty good... Bee! Ahhh! A bee! Get off of me now! Look out! Phil, help me!
  • Twombly: Bark Organics dominates the California market. With our product recognition and quality, we're in a position to crush the competition. So, Dorothy, why have I called you all the way from Kansas? Why have I been through six marketing directors in the last year? Because I want Bark Organics on the shelves in every PETCO in the country.
  • Marmaduke: Bee! I can't see! Bee!
  • Phil: I won't let you down, sir.
  • Twombly: We'll see.
  • Marmaduke: Watch out! Coming through! [he makes Twombly trip] Sorry!
  • Phil: Are you okay?
  • Twombly: Was that your dog?
  • Phil: I didn't get a good look.
  • Twombly: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine! It takes a lot more than that...
  • Marmaduke: Bee!
  • Phil: That dog!
  • Marmaduke: Phil, help! Phil, get rid of him! Help me! Why do bees hate me?
  • Bosco: What a gargantuan spaz!
  • Jezebel: Yeah, but kind of funny. Hmm.

I heard a vicious rumor that you're, like, from Kansas?

  • Barbara: Yeah. Are those, like, real dogs?

The canine accessory is so essential.

  • Purse Dog 1: We are not accessories.
  • Purse Dog 2: Hey, man, in my country, I was a lawyer.
  • Purse Dog 3: I've been in this purse so long, I can't feel my legs.

Bodie is so gorgeous!

  • Barbara: Did he just look at me?

As if!

  • Barbara: Yeah, you're probably right. He probably wasn't looking at me.
  • Phil: Hey, honey! [Marmaduke barks]

Oh, my God! Is that thing yours?

  • Barbara: No, it's somebody else's dog. Not mine.
  • Phil: Hey, Barb! Who are your friends?
  • Marmaduke: Phil! That was not cool! Sorry, Barb.
  • Phil: Right. Regional market share first...
  • Marmaduke: Yeah, yeah. Come on, Phil, get off the phone. Brian's going to bed.
  • Brian: Night, Dad.
  • Phil: Hey, Brian, wait up. Sounds good. We'll talk tomorrow. Chill, Marmaduke. Great news! I ran into another

dad at the dog park, and guess what he's in charge of? I signed you up!

  • Brian: Oh. Soccer sounds...
  • Phil: Great, right?
  • Brian: Sure, yeah.
  • Phil: Man, you're gonna love it.
  • Brian:Okay. Good night, Dad.
  • Phil: Good night, buddy.
  • Marmaduke: Phil, he's not gonna love it. He's gonna hate it, you knucklehead! Come on!
  • Barbara: [on her cell phone] I really miss you guys, too. But I did see this cute surfer kid today.
  • Phil: You need anything, honey?
  • Barbara: A little privacy, and a one-way ticket back to Kansas.

Good night.

  • Marmaduke: Come on, Phil. It's like you're not listening to them. Lullaby, lullaby. All the humans

are sleeping...

  • Carlos: Tsk-tsk. Ladies, please! Meow!
  • Marmaduke: Carlos, be quiet! Your eyes are getting sleepy. So sleepy. Good night, Phil.
  1. Hey, yo, when I wake up

moaning, yawning

  1. I put up my hands
  2. Thank the Lord

for what I got

  1. and never stop my plans
  2. Giving all for the goals
  3. Got to keep it up,

never let my head drop

  1. Make me a home on my own
  2. Better make the bed rock #
  • Giuseppe: I'm a monster! I am a tiny monster. I'm doing the spin!
  • Marmaduke: This is an O.C. rager?
  • Raisin: You made it, great! Come watch Giuseppe rip it up!
  • Giuseppe: Check this out! One leg, one leg...
  • Mazie: Hey, Marmaduke! If you're hungry or thirsty, the trash can's out back. And the toilet's in there.
  • Marmaduke: Cool, thanks! [he heard the toy cow oink] Did that cow just oink?
  • Raisin: Meet Mazie's cow. The factory made a mistake. It's pretty ridiculous.
  • Marmaduke: Cow that oinks. I think it's cool!
  • Giuseppe: New record! Holler at your boy! Marmaduke, you're up!
  • Marmaduke: No, that's cool. I'll just watch.
  • Raisin: Don't be a wiener dog! Just dance along to the flashing arrows!
  • Marmaduke: I'd love to, but seriously, guys, I've got four left paws.
  • Mazie: Duke!
  • The Mutts: Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke! Duke!
  • Marmaduke: All right, all right, twist my paw.
  • Mazie: Atta boy!
  • Marmaduke: Okay, let's see. This can't be that hard. Okay, let's see. Right paw, white arrow. Left paw, blue arrow. No, no, left paw, green arrow.
  • Mazie: There we go!
  • Raisin: On second thoughts, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
  • Mazie: Hang on, give him a chance.
  • Marmaduke: You can do this, Marmy. Come on. Come on. Come on, concentrate!
  • Raisin: Ease into it.
  • Giuseppe: Are we insured?
  • Marmaduke: No one puts Dukey in a corner!
  • Mazie: The Duke's got some moves!
  • Marmaduke: You ain't seen nothing yet! Time to get funky!
  • Giuseppe: He's better than me, isn't he?
  • Raisin: In a way, yes.
  • Marmaduke: Three-sixty on the big dog! Pinwheel time! Time to go old-school! Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, guys. My bad.
  • Mazie: No sweat. I needed to get a Wii, anyway.
  • Raisin: There goes Giuseppe's entire social life.
  • Giuseppe: That was the only thing I wasn't afraid of.
  • Marmaduke: You know, not that I'm not having fun, because I totally am, what do you guys think about going to the yacht club party, see what's up?
  • Raisin: Are you crazy?
  • Giuseppe: Or we could just go to the zoo, and jump into the puma cage!
  • Marmaduke: Come on, it'll be fun! Question. Are we gonna spend the rest of our lives hiding underneath the porch with the little pups? Or are we gonna get out in the yard with the big dogs?
  • Giuseppe: But we're not big dogs, we're tiny dogs! That phrase was made for dogs like you!
  • Mazie: You do realize it's Bosco's party.
  • Marmaduke: Yeah, Bosco, Schmosco! He's all bark, no bite.
  • Mazie: Okay. Some dogs just have to learn the hard way.
  • Giuseppe: I smell rain, and I did not dress for rain. I'm telling you guys, without fur, it's like tiny bullets from the sky. It's him!
  • Marmaduke: Who is that?
  • Mazie: Chupadogra.
  • Marmaduke: Chupadogra?
  • Raisin: They say he was the ultimate alpha dog. But then he went insane from rabies and ate his owner.
  • Giuseppe: He also sleeps on a giant pile of his victims' bones. Can we go now, before I become an appetizer?

Let's go.

  • Giuseppe: I can't believe we survived Chupadogra!
  • Raisin: And now he knows your scent.
  • Giuseppe: Why would you say that?
  • Mazie: You sure you wanna do this?
  • Marmaduke: Oh, yeah. You bet I do.
  • Giuseppe: Guys, I'm telling you, the tide is rising!
  • Pedigree: Twenty-four, come on, you can do it. Twenty-five!
  • Marmaduke: Man! Now, this party is off the leash! [he sees pedigrees hazing a cat] What are they doing to that cat?
  • Giuseppe: What pedigrees do best. Humiliate the innocent.
  • Mazie: Hey, wait, what are you doing? Don't go over there!
  • Marmaduke: Come on, let's get our bark on. Oh, oh... [Jezebel blocks his vision] Oh, sorry. I'll go this way.
  • Jezebel: No problem. Sorry. This unfortunately happens to me all the time.
  • Marmaduke: Me, too.
  • Mazie: Oh, brother! Great, we're getting mad-dogged. Let's bail!
  • Bosco: Well, well, well. If it isn't the dog and pony show. Did the circus give you guys the day off?
  • Mazie: We're just leaving Bosco, back off.
  • Bosco: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the hurry? You just got here. You know, it's funny, with ears like that I would have thought you heard me tell you to stay away from my girlfriend.
  • Lightning: He told him.
  • Thunder: You told him, like, 12 times, boss.
  • Bosco: Zip it!
  • Thunder: Zipped!
  • Bosco: Being a pedigree means you're exceptional. We're all bred for a purpose and have gifts you could never dream of having. Stuart's an expert tracker. Shasta is a master sled dog. Ferdinand is fluent in six languages, including gopher. And I'm the reigning SoCal surf champ. Are you good at anything? Huh?
  • Marmaduke: Um... Uh...
  • Bosco: Sit! [Marmaduke sits] Hahaha! You are good at something! Lay down. Lay down! [Marmaduke lays down] That's it.
  • Giuseppe: Oh, no! This is bad, isn't it?
  • Raisin: Yes, it's very bad.
  • Bosco: I don't care how freakishly large you are, Donkey Boy. We all know that inside, you're just a scared... little... PUP! [Marmaduke was scared] Did I say you could get up?
  • Marmaduke: No, no. Please!
  • Bosco: Did I say you could get up?
  • Marmaduke: I'm sorry!
  • Thunder: No mercy, boss.
  • Lightning: Put him in a doggie bag!
  • Pedigrees: Fight! Fight! Fight!
  • Marmaduke: I don't wanna fight you.
  • Jezebel: Bosco, stop!
  • Bosco: Relax, baby! We're just horsing around.
  • Jezebel: No, you're not. You're being a bully. I'm sorry, he gets this way when he drinks too much drain-pipe water.
  • Mazie: He gets that way because he's a jerk.
  • Bosco: You watch yourself, tomboy.
  • Mazie: Come on, we're out of here.
  • Jezebel: Come on, baby, are you gonna spend time with them or with me? It's a party, let's have fun!
  • Bosco: See you later, when there's not any girls around to save you. Mutt.
  • Marmaduke: Bosco's right about everything. I'm just a Gigantor freak. Wasn't bred for anything, but getting in the way. You know, if I had a bone for every time someone said, "Put a saddle on that thing!" or, "How's the weather up there?" I'd be a bone-illionaire! Just once in my life, I'd like to fit in, you know?
  • Mazie: Look, I know what it's like to be an outsider. Okay? I was a rescue dog. Nobody wanted me. But you're better than any of those guys, and I can prove it. I can make you into the dog you wanna be.
  • Marmaduke: Really? Why would you do that for me?
  • Mazie: Because you're my friend.
  • Marmaduke: Wait, what time is it? Oh, man, Phil's gonna get up soon. I got to go! I'll see you later!
  • Mazie: You're welcome.
  • Marmaduke: I just made it. I am beat. I am so tired. I'm exhausted. Oh! Phil, hit the snooze!
  • Phil: Time for work, big guy.
  • Marmaduke: Oh, Phil, you're killing me.
  • Twombly: Winslow, Twombly. I need that new campaign and I need it yesterday. So what do you got?
  • Phil: Yeah. I got some

great ideas percolating, I just need a little time to flesh them out. See, you got nothing. No, you can count on me. It's gonna be a home run. It better be. Yeah, bye. I got nothing.

  • Marmaduke: Bee! Bee! Phil, get him!
  • Phil: Marmaduke, relax!
  • Marmaduke: Phil, I hate bees!
  • Phil: Get back.
  • Marmaduke: Bee! Bee! He's gonna sting us! He's gonna sting me and give me rabies! Phil, Phil, get rid of him!
  • Phil: Marmaduke, chill, relax. They're just surfers. Marmaduke, you're a genius!
  • Marmaduke: I am?

A surf competition for dogs?

  • Phil: Picture this. Man's best

friend surfing towards shore, throngs of owners cheering them on. How's that gonna sell organic dog food to the heartland? Eleven o'clock, Phil. Listen, if you wanna sell to the Midwest, I'll tell you how. Be true to who you are. Bark Organics was made in Southern California, embrace that. Bring the iconic spirit of the West Coast to every dog owner across the country. I don't know. I hired you to create an identity for this company and you're telling me to be myself? You know, we only have one shot with PETCO.

  • Phil: I know. But you got to trust me on this.

All right. One shot. Make it happen.

  • Phil: Yes!
  • Mazie: Okay, mutt-makeover begins now. First things first.
  • Marmaduke: All right, I'm all ears, literally.
  • Mazie: Pig Cow is yours.
  • Marmaduke: Check, Pig Cow's mine. Why?
  • Mazie: He's a real confidence

booster. Of course he is.

  • Mazie: You just chew on him

when you get nervous. Noted and filed.

  • Mazie: Next up, let's smell that breath. Whoa! Oh, buddy!
  • Marmaduke: Really, that bad?
  • Mazie: That needs work. Okay, pedigrees have dental hygienists, all right? So garbage breath is not gonna cut it. Stay out of trash cans and eat more mint-based items.
  • Marmaduke: Okay, less trash, more mint.
  • Mazie: And stand up proud.

Your ancestors sat at the foot of kings, man. Yeah. Let's put the "Great" back in "Dane" here.

  • Marmaduke: Yeah, like this?
  • Mazie: Um... You know, just maybe keep your ears up, too, while we're at it.
  • Marmaduke: Ears up. Like this?
  • Mazie: Yeah, that looks fine.
  • Marmaduke: Just out of curiosity, do you think any of this stuff would work with girls?
  • Mazie: Did you have anyone in mind?
  • Marmaduke: Not specifically, just thinking out loud here.

Oh! Right, right, okay. No one specific. That's good. Okay... Listen up, Barkanova. If it were me, I'd want him to take me to the junkyard. It's really romantic there at night. There'd be a blanket with some treats spread out, music from an old car radio playing softly.

  • Marmaduke: Yeah, and lots of great old stuff to pee on, right?
  • Mazie: Oh! You've got so much to learn. Here's the deal. Girls want romance. You know? Mystery.
  • Marmaduke: Wow.
  • Mazie: What?

You know, I never really noticed before, but you have really pretty... Fire truck!

  • Mazie: Hey, buddy,

we're talking here.

  • Marmaduke: Fire truck!
  • Mazie: Heel!
  • Marmaduke: Oh, sorry. Where were we?
  • Mazie: Uh... You said I

have really pretty... Got to go, buddy. Work to do. No! Wait, Phil, no, not now!

  • Mazie: Hey, where are you going?

Phil, I need this. Come on. Let's go.

  • Mazie: "Really pretty" what?
  • Marmaduke: What? Carlos, let me ask you something. Is my breath really that bad?
  • Carlos: A tube of toothpaste is a good start,

but you're gonna need more than that. Dude, watch it! Just gave myself a tongue-bath.

  • Marmaduke: Sorry. How's my breath now?
  • Carlos: Refreshingly minty.
  • Marmaduke: Who am I kidding? Minty breath, better posture. This stuff's never gonna work. These guys have real skills. I could never speak gopher.
  • Carlos: Why would you want

to talk to gophers? Forget it.

  • Carlos: Breaking into

new cliques is tough and breaking into bird cages is even tougher.

  • Marmaduke: I just don't get it. I'm a dog and you're a cat, we get along great.
  • Carlos: That's because you're my hermano. If we weren't related, I'd scratch both your eyes out!
  • Marmaduke: Don't make me laugh. You could never take me. I'd cream your furry little butt acro... Carlos, you're a genius.

What is he doing?

  • Marmaduke: Say, does anybody smell that? I smell a cat and I hate cats.

Cat! There's no cat here.

  • Marmaduke: I said, "I smell a cat."

Where am I? Hey boss, there is a cat! No, no, no. This one's mine, fellas.

  • Carlos: Is this a dog park?

I must be horribly lost. Oh, yeah, you must be lost, cat, because this park is for dogs only. I got the tail!

  • Carlos: You said there'd only be a few dogs.

It's a dog park. What do you want me to do? The sun's out, it's crowded today. This is gonna cost you, big time! Fight! Fight! Whoa! What a crowd! Who let the dogs out? This doesn't look good!

  • Carlos: Please don't

hurt me, Mister. I'm just a poor, incredibly attractive, ultra-intelligent cat, who has lost his way.

  • Marmaduke: You're gonna need all nine lives after this beat-down, pussycat.
  • Carlos: You are the biggest, baddest

dog I have ever seen in my life. You also seem very cool and confident.

  • Marmaduke: You're right about all of that, you little Fancy-Feast-eating freak!
  • Carlos: Please! Spare my life!
  • Marmaduke: Spare this.
  • Carlos: Come on, sell it, man. Sell it.
  • Marmaduke: Really? Okay. Left jab, left jab, work the body. Get back here, you good-for-nothing little fur-ball!
  • Carlos: I only

weigh six pounds. This officially hurts now. Stop!

  • Marmaduke: No, no, keep going, keep

going. I think it's working.

  • Carlos: Maybe we can find a happy medium?
  • Marmaduke: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, everybody, watch this!
  • Carlos: No, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Dizzy!
  • Marmaduke: Hairball. What's the matter, Bigglesworth? Dog got your tongue?
  • Carlos: Yeah, whatever, man. Hope you got what you wanted.
  • Thunder: Haha! That was hilarious, Marmadonk!

Yeah, you're not as good as Bosco, but you took that fleabag to school!

  • Bosco: Oh, please, it was a cat. It's not like he killed it.

You've got a keen sense of smell. Oh. Well, thanks. It must be the large nostrils. I have to go, but maybe I'll see you around. Cool! I'd like that. Jezebel, let's go. Now! You know, I have a pretty good nose myself and when I'm around you I smell potential, with a hint of something minty. I like it. Let's go!

  • Marmaduke: It worked! She talked to me!
  • Mazie: What are you doing? That's not what we talked about!
  • Marmaduke: Who cares? She liked my minty breath!

Welcome to the First Annual Bark Organics Dog Surfing Competition. Dogs and owners, make your way to the shore. Cowabarka! Hey, I know you. You go to Marshall, right? The new girl. That's me. You ever not on that thing? You ever not on that thing?

  • Bodie: I'm Bodie.

I know. I mean... Yeah, I'm Barbara. Is that your dog? No, no, no. That's my dad's dog. Huh. That's too bad. He's way better than those lame purse dogs. Well, I did kind of adopt him as my own, though. The dog, not my dad. Yeah, Marmaduke and I are super close. My friend's having a party next weekend. You should come. Sure, I'd love to.

  • Phil: Competition's starting. Beat it, Hasselhoff.
  • Barbara: Dad, what are you doing?

You're way too young, and I'm way too busy to talk about this right now. And, just put some clothes on. Can I get you anything, Deb?

  • Debbie: He's cute!
  • Brian: Hey, Marmaduke, can you keep a secret?
  • Marmaduke: Probably.
  • Brian: I've been telling Dad I'm going to soccer practice, but I've actually been hanging out at the skate park.
  • Marmaduke: I think that sounds cool, Brian. But you got to tell your dad.
  • Brian: I don't even like soccer. I guess I just don't know how to tell him the truth.
  • Marmaduke: I hear you, bro, but just hang in there.
  • Brian: I wish you could talk.
  • Marmaduke: And I wish you could understand me.
  • Phil: Come on, Marmaduke! Hey, Brian, you okay?
  • Brian: Yeah.
  • Phil: What do you say we kick that ball around later?

No, I'm good. Come on, buddy. Wait! Phil! Phil! Hold on, Phil. Brian's got something to tell you. It is a beautiful day here in Southern California for dog surfing. Please, put your paws together for our canine competitors! Aha! And here's our marketing director, Phil Winslow. Phil, this is David King, Jessica Colestat from PETCO. Pleased to meet you. I hope you're ready for a mind-blowing canine surf experience. Wow! Can't wait to see this big guy out on the waves! No, no, no. Phil and Marmaduke are one month removed from Kansas. I don't think they're ready to hang 10. Well, that's too bad. That would've been hysterical. Yeah! No, you're right! That would be hysterical! Phil?

  • Marmaduke: Phil, come on, they're just kidding. Say no!
  • Phil: Marmaduke's dying to hang 20.
  • Twombly: Dying to.

Oh! We're dead! No, no, no. Phil, no! Let's go, buddy. Come on. It's just water. No. Way too big and too wet! Cold, cold! That's my competition? This ought to be fun. Freezing, freezing! No! Marmaduke! Cold, cold! Come on, get back here. Heel!

  • Marmaduke: Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. I'm running through a meadow. I'm peeing on everything.
  • Bosco: You don't stand a chance, Shamu. I own these waves.
  • Marmaduke: Good luck to you, too.
  • Phil: It's okay, Marmaduke. Nothing bad's gonna happen.
  • Marmaduke: Something bad's gonna happen, Phil. Payback's gonna hurt.

Okay, stay. It's okay. Ladies and gentlemen, take a look, on the horizon, a massive, rogue wave approaches! You got to be kidding! Time to dazzle. It's all you, buddy. Phil! No, no, what are you doing? Phil, help me. Phil, no! Good luck! Somebody get me off this thing! What am I doing? Out of my way, poser! Look out! I've got the right of way! Oh, boy! Look out! Phil, help me! Look at this! It's Marmaduke! Look at the perfect position here, Marmaduke in the barrel. Yeah!

  • Marmaduke: Get me off this thing! Help! Marmy don't surf!

He doesn't look like he's gonna make it. Where is he? I don't know. Oh, man, I'm gonna die! No, you're not. Get a hold of yourself! Grip it and rip it! Geronimo! There he is! Take a look at this! He throws a big air! What a crazy dog! Look out! Look out! And the Duke shreds! This dog rules! Marmaduke! You did it, buddy! Oh! Get me out of here! That's my dog! Get this seaweed off me! It burns! It burns! Debbie, help! Yeah! That was awesome! Really? That was off the hook! The Duke has arrived, y'all! It was? You totally shredded, dude!

  • Marmaduke: I shredded?

That was way better than Bosco, dude! Marmaduke shreds! All right, here it is. The overall surf champion...

  • Bosco: You think it was funny dropping in on my wave like that, Marma-puke?
  • Marmaduke: I didn't do anything, Bosco! Let it go, it was an accident.
  • Twombly: And the trophy goes to...
  • Bosco: This better be me.
  • Twombly: Whoa! We have an upset. The trophy goes to Phil Winslow and Marmaduke!
  • Phil: What?
  • Marmaduke: Phil, did we really win?
  • Bosco: I'm gonna tear you apart, mutt.

I didn't do anything! Somebody put a leash on this dog! Marmaduke! Help!

  • Bosco: Get back here, mutt!

Whoa, whoa! Get back here, you poser!

  • Marmaduke: I don't even like surfing!
  • Bosco: Stop running, you coward. I'm gonna make you pay. I am gonna make you pay!

Come on, Duke, you can take him.

  • Bosco: This ends right here, right now.
  • Marmaduke: You know what? You're right, Bosco. This does end here.
  • Bosco: Ow! My leg's cramping! Ow! Ow! Time out, time out!

No, bad dog! Heel. I'm so sorry about this.

  • Twombly: Get your dog under control, you understand? Come on, folks, I'm so sorry. Come on. Come this way.
  • Jezebel: Hey, what's the new surf champ doing out here all alone?
  • Marmaduke: Hey. I'm just kind of here, taking a break from the old family.

Well, I guess some people just can't handle it when you're top dog. Really? It's getting a little cold out.

  • Marmaduke: Wait, what about Bosco?
  • Jezebel: Forget about him. There's a new dog in town. And his name is Marmaduke.
  • Marmaduke: Hey, that's my name! That's my name! Marmaduke! Say it loud, say it proud!
  1. The moon was shining

on the lake at night

  1. The Slayer T-shirt

fit the scene just right

  1. Smeared mascara, I looked

into your eyes I saw a light #

  • Marmaduke: Fire truck! Fire truck! Fire truck!

Hi! Phil Winslow.

  • Anton: Anton, master of the Top Dog method.
  • Marmaduke: I'm supposed to listen to a guy named Anton?
  • Anton: Top dog him, Phil. Top dog him.

Marmaduke! Guys, what's going on? Let's go. What are you doing? Out of the car! Let's go. Oh...

  • Anton: Pump your fists triumphantly, and say it to the world, "I'm top dog!"
  • Marmaduke: Rubber bone!

I'm top dog!

  • Marmaduke: Bone! Give me!

I thought you said he'd be here.

  • Raisin: He said he might stop by after the pedigree party, but he didn't promise anything.

How much farther? Just keep coming. Keep coming, we're almost there. Where are we? It's a surprise. Ready? Hit it, boys! Wow! It's pretty cool, isn't it? It's beautiful! Wait, wait, wait. There's more. Crank it, DJ Thunder! I can't believe I'm really here with you. Of course you are, silly! You're the alpha dog. Okay, well, I hope you're hungry. Wow! You really pulled out all the stops! It's just a little something I whipped up. How about a peanut butter appetizer?

  • Jezebel: My favorite!
  • Marmaduke: Really? I was worried you might be allergic to it. I almost got almond butter.

It's so romantic! I couldn't think of another girl I'd rather share it with. It's so creative, too. Tell me, how did you ever think of this? It's just the kind of guy I am. I'm a Great Dane. We sat at the foot of kings! Listen, I just wanted to say something. I wanted to say...

  • Thunder: My bad. I slipped off the seat.
  • Jezebel: That's okay, Thunder. He's so funny.
  • Marmaduke: I wanted to say hanging out with you these last few weeks, which in dog years feels like months, it's like the first time in my life I feel like I really belong.
  • Jezebel: Yeah! I'm having a great time, too.
  • Raisin: Look at him. Land shrimps at his beck and call.
  • Mazie: That's it.
  • Raisin: No, Mazie! Stay, please.
  • Mazie: Sit!
  • Thunder: Yes, ma'am.
  • Lightning: Yes, ma'am.
  • Marmaduke: Hey, Mazie! What's up?
  • Mazie: You don't give a steaming pile about us anymore, so cut the act, all right? We took you in. We were your friends. And you just sit over here and act like we're dirt.
  • Marmaduke: What'd they put in your kibble this morning?
  • Mazie: You took her on my dream date.
  • Jezebel: Dream date? What is she talking about?
  • Mazie: How do you think that makes me feel?
  • Thunder: Bitter, party of one?
  • Marmaduke: What's the big deal? We were just spit-balling ideas. You'd think she'd be thrilled I used one.
  • Raisin: You don't get it, do you? She gave you Pig Cow, she likes you. At least, she did until you turned your back on us and became a big phony-baloney sell-out.
  • Giuseppe: Word.
  • Marmaduke: That's really cute and everything, but I already have a girlfriend. A pedigree girlfriend.

So, that's it?

  • Marmaduke: Yeah. I don't hang out with mutts anymore.
  • Giuseppe: Ouch!

You're lucky I had a favor to call in. PETCO's gonna give us another chance. But they wanna see a fully realized campaign before they'll cross-promote the roll-out. No problem, I'll start working on that immediately. You'll start working on it? Little late for you to be going solo, there, Buckeye. I want you on my boat this weekend, we'll work together. This weekend, I can't. You have to. I need to spend some quality time with my family. Tough. I promised my wife. All right, bring the family along. They can relax while we work. Okay, that'll be perfect. Excellent. Now, this is sort of embarrassing, but there are no dogs allowed on the boat. It's my wife's rule. Quite frankly, I think she's jealous. Okay, we got the life jacket, towels, bathing suits, sunglasses, sunscreen. Brian's got his fins. You're taking the laptop? You know, just in case. Guys, I'm really excited about spending this weekend together. Dad, please, I'm begging you. Let me go to my friend's house so I can go the party. Barb, it's a family trip and you are coming, too. Let's go. Here, get your snorkel. Let's go, let's go. Come on. I feel like we're forgetting something. We have everything, but the furniture and the dog. Look at him. He's just sitting there! I know. You think he'll be okay here alone? I think he'll be fine. He's got food and water and I'm having Laura from down the street look in on him. Right. Right. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? He has a party? Invites his girlfriend over?

  • Marmaduke: Yes and yes!

Party at the Duke's! Rager, man! Yeah! Jump! Jump! Jump!

  • Golden Dog: I am a golden dog! [he jumps into the pool] Whoo-hoo!
  • Marmaduke: Looking good, Colby! Sweet collar, Aurora! Yes! Yes! My boy, Topaz!

Marmaduke. Chug it! Chug it!

  • Thunder: Go, go, go!
  • Marmaduke: Chug it, Shasta!
  • Shasta: Ow!
  • Thunder: Sorry, slipped off the seat again!
  • Shasta: That is not cool, dude!

Hey, is this your party, dude?

  • Marmaduke: Yeah!

We're not worthy, we're not worthy! We love you, man!

  • Marmaduke: All right! Now it's a party! Yeah, come on! Who let the dogs out? Pee-Wee, hit the Crazy String!
  • Jezebel: You're a big hit, Marmaduke!
  • Marmaduke: Hey, is it just me, or is it getting a little out of hand?
  • Jezebel:Everyone's having fun, loosen up!

Yeah! Of course, of course! No, no, you're right. Forget what I said.

  • Raisin: Why is everyone always having more fun than us?
  • Giuseppe: Because they're not afraid to live? And we suck at swimming? Great! Okay, now I'm catching a cold.

Come on, let's go. What do you smell, girl? Trouble.

  • Dogs: Duke! Duke! Duke!
  • Carlos: Hey, dude, get out of the trash!
  • Bosco: Do I know you from somewhere?
  • Carlos: Me? Nope. Never seen you before.
  • Bosco: You sure? That tail looks painful.
  • Carlos: Of course I'm sure, man. I've never even been to a dog park. Oops.
  • Gordie: [he rubs his butt onto the rug] It's so soothing!
  • Marmaduke: Gordie, no! No, not on Debbie's rug! Whoa, whoa! No, no! Hey! Not on the couch! You raised in a barn? No, not the stereo! Phil's gonna kill me!
  • Bosco: Looks like a great party. Now, I'm sorry to interrupt.

What are you doing here?

  • Bosco: I got a quick question. Anyone recognize this cute little fella? The cat from the park that Marmaduke hazed?
  • Carlos: Hola. I recommend the guacamole. It's dynamite.
  • Bosco: Look at the tail. Turns out he lives here with Marmaduke. Or is it Marma-fake?
  • Marmaduke: First of all, you weren't invited here, Bosco. Leave now and you won't have a problem. And take Whiskers with you. We have a "no cat" policy.
  • Carlos: Say what?
  • Bosco: Is that right? Then how do you explain that picture over there?
  • Thunder: Hey, it is that cat. Yep, that's it. That's the cat.

Let's get out of here.

  • Marmaduke: Wait! Wait! What's going on? Where you going? No, no, stay!

Total poser.

  • Marmaduke: Where are you going?

Loser!

  • Marmaduke: He's going, not us!

Party at the pier! All right, let's go! Party!

  • Jezebel: Is it true, Marmaduke?
  • Marmaduke: Only most of it.
  • Bosco: You see, in the end, pedigrees always win. And that's the way it'll always be. Enjoy the rest of your party, mutt. Baby, come on. Jezebel! He's a liar. Come on, let's go.
  • Thunder: Hey, Bosco, wait up!
  • Marmaduke: Jezebel, wait! I...
  • Jezebel: I thought you were different.
  • Marmaduke: What just happened?
  • Carlos: I think it's called a colossal fall from grace, hermano.
  • Marmaduke: Oh!
  • Carlos: Not to rub margarita salt in the wound, but you kind of deserved it.

Oh! What have I done? Can't wait for the next family boat trip. It was a weekend on a boat, okay? It was a work-end, honey. We had to finish the presentation and... What happened? Marmaduke? No. Phil. No! I'm up, I'm up. Where am I? Marmaduke! I'm up, I'm up. Phil, thank God you're here. I had a party. I was trying to be a big shot... Off the couch! I just invited some friends and then they invited friends. It just got crazy!

  • Phil: Come here, now!

I'm sorry. Phil, I really could use a hug right now.

  • Phil: Bad dog!

Phil, no! Phil, I'm trying to explain! Phil, stop it. Just give me a chance to... Phil, I said I was sorry.

  • Phil: The PETCO pitch.
  • Marmaduke: Oh, Marmaduke.

Ooh!

  • Sarah: Uh-oh, Daddy.

I don't care if it's raining, I'm done. He can sleep outside. Perfect, that will solve everything. We'll just leave him chained up in the backyard for the next 10 years.

  • Phil: Or maybe we give him away.

You did not just say that. He refuses to listen to me! It's just an option we haven't explored yet, that's all I'm saying. I don't understand you sometimes. Look around you, Deb. He destroyed our home! No, he didn't! Our home is us. It's you and me and the kids. It doesn't matter where we are. This move did not work out the way I hoped it would. The only way this move was ever gonna work out is if we were in it together. You seem to have lost sight of that. Everything I do is for us. I worked my butt off this weekend, and once again, that dog screwed it up!

  • Debbie: He's a dog, Phil! He doesn't know any better. You want him to sleep outside, fine. He has a backyard, you have a couch.
  • Phil: Really?
  • Debbie: Really.

You know what? It's not that easy. Nobody ever puts in a cat door! Hey, you must be Mazie. Tell the hipster giant I'm not interested in his peace offering. He's gone. He got busted with Phil and had to sleep outside. He ran out the back gate about an hour ago. Oh, great. He has zero street smarts. Where you going? To find that big doofus! I'd go myself, but I can't get wet. Yeller. Oh! You crazy, wonderful dog. He acts like it's a great big romp, doesn't he, Travis? Crazy as a bullbat. He's a heap more dog than I ever had him figured for. None of the strays at the pound have seen him.

  • Raisin: He's not at

the dog park either. No luck here. I made a huge mistake wearing the bumble-bee sweater. It's way too absorbent! AAAAAHHH!!! It's raining cats and us! You guys head home, I'm gonna look a little longer.

  • Raisin: We can't leave you out here alone!

It's too dangerous! Okay, on second thought, you have fun. You do that whole thing. Good luck.

  • Marmaduke: Chupadogra?
  • Buster: Who are you? And what are you doing here?
  • Marmaduke: Please don't hurt me!
  • Buster: You're a big boy. Good. The small ones ain't got enough meat on their bones. [he snarls at Marmaduke]
  • Marmaduke: Please don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I... Are you okay?
  • Buster: I'm more than all right. Sorry to bother you. Hey, what's a dog like you doing out here, anyways? You're no stray.
  • Marmaduke: I ran away from home.
  • Buster: So, you think running's the answer? Huh?
  • Marmaduke: I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I acted like a big-shot and lost all my friends, my family.
  • Buster: Listen, this bag of bones you're looking at used to be something special. I was the alpha dog. Left my home to go run the pack. And man, did I run it. Till they turned on me. Now I live out here alone dodging trains and dogcatchers. Rest assured, compadre, there ain't a day goes by when I don't think about waking up in a warm bed and spending the day with the folks who love me. The real me. Go home. Something tells me it ain't too late for the real you.
  • Marmaduke: Thank you, Buster.
  • Buster: Been a long time since anybody called me that. Thanks.
  • Marmaduke: What's that?
  • Buster: It's the pound. Go on, get out of here. Get!
  • Marmaduke: What about you? You're sick!
  • Buster: Yeah, that's right, baby. I'm one sick puppy. Go on, go!
  • The Pound: Let's make this easy, old timer.
  • Buster: What fun would that be?
  • The Pound: No, no! No!

Debbie, you got to listen to me. Marmaduke is missing. He's been gone since last night! We're talkative this morning! Go eat your num-nums. Hey, Deb. Did you leave these on the table in there? What are you talking about? Barb, I read the text. And... Is that really how you feel? Honestly? Yeah.

  • Phil: Hey, Bri. You never went to soccer practice, did you?
  • Brian: I didn't want to disappoint you, but you weren't really listening.
  • Sarah: Where's Marmaduke?
  • Phil: Uh, in the backyard, sweetie.
  • Debbie: No, he's not. I thought he was upstairs with you.

No. Marmaduke! Marmaduke! The side gate's open. You didn't let him back in last night? No. That's what I've been saying. He'll be back, right? He could get hit by a car. Honey, anything could happen because we don't know how long he's been gone. I just wanted him to sleep in the backyard, I didn't want him to run away. God! I got this presentation. Guys, if I don't nail this, I'm done. Just go. We'll find him. You put her in the car seat, and you get Marmaduke's leash, okay? Wait. We'll all go find him. Now you're talking, amigo. Come on, where am I? Just give me one little scent of home. Marmaduke! Come on, buddy. Marmaduke! Come on, boy. Marmaduke! Okay, that was the neighborhood. So, where else? The beach. He could be at the beach. Okay, the beach and maybe the dog park? You guys, I'm texting everybody I know. What if he's at the pound? Come on, come on, give me something I can recognize. One landmark, one little scent. What do you mean, "What does he look like?" He's a Great Dane! He's huge. He's twice the size of your dog. Come on, give me a scent. One more funky little Marmaduke smell. Come on, not today! Hi, Don.

  • Twombly: Winslow, where the heck are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago!
  • Phil: I'm sorry, Don. Uh... We still haven't found Marmaduke and I just don't think I'll make it in today.
  • Twombly: Don't worry about coming in today, because you're fired, Winslow!

Mazie? Mazie? Mazie! What is this? It looks like a water main broke. There he is! Wait! I'm coming! Honey! Honey! Right there, look! Kids, never do this. Marmaduke! Where was he, Brian? He was up there. Marmaduke! Here, go wait in the car with your mom. Marmaduke! Mazie! Marmaduke! Mazie! Where have you been? I've been looking all over for... Mazie! No! What? Mazie! Marmaduke! No, no, don't let me fall! Marmaduke! Come on, let's go! Come on, buddy! Marmaduke, where are you? Somebody, help! Mazie! No! Marmaduke! Mazie! Mazie! Hey, Marmaduke, come on, let's go! Stay back. Phil, help me! Get away from me! Hey, stay back! Geronimo! Marmaduke, no! That's my dog. That's my dog in there! Look, that was my dog. Can somebody help me? Can you please help me get him out of there? There's a catch basin about two blocks down. We need a water rescue, over. Help! Marmaduke! Mazie! Where are you, Marmaduke? I can't do this! Hold on. I'm coming, Mazie! Help me! Help me! Somebody, help! Mazie! Marmaduke! Help! Help! Help, help, don't let me fall! Mazie! Go! Go! Go! Go! All right. Get me two more guys here. What are we gonna do? Just hold on. I'm gonna figure this out. Anything? Wait, wait, I think I hear someone. Down here! I think he's gonna help us. Yeah. We're right here. What should we do? I found them, over. Come on, girl. I don't think I can make it! Come here. No, I can't! Come on, girl, it's okay. Listen to him. Mazie, you can do this. You can do it, right here. I don't think I can make it! Come on, girl, just jump. Come on. You can do it. Good, you got it! Take her first. Go ahead. Come on, it's your turn. Jump! Me? No. I can't do it, I'm too big! Come on, you can do it! What's that noise? Marmaduke, look out! You got to come, boy. Hurry! You got to be kidding me! Come on, boy! Hurry! Grab me! You better grab me now! What's happening? Jam it! Jam it! Get him out! Up, up, up! Let's go! You guys, easy. Easy! There he is. We got him up. Guys! He's out. He's out. Where's the other one? Where's my dog? I'm sorry. The water was moving too fast. I lost him. We're not gonna give up. Where does this go? The aqueduct, it's just down there. Go with him. Go. Marmaduke! Marmaduke! Phil, help! Get me. Phil! Marmaduke! Help! Get me, Phil! Marmaduke! Help! Marmaduke! I'm right here, buddy. Grab here, Phil! Grab on to this. Phil! Phil, where are you? Phil! Phil! Phil! Thank goodness you're okay! Marmaduke! Right here, come on! I can't... I'm too scared. Right here. Come on. Oh, no! How did it come to this, Phil? It started with a bath, and now look at us. We can do this. I'm not gonna let you go. I can't do it. I promise. Let go, and I'll catch you. I love you, buddy. Come on! Phil, I've been waiting since Kansas to have you say that. Come on, let's go! You can do it, buddy. Right here. Come on. Trust me. I trust you. Here I come! Atta boy, buddy. Come on! Right here. Swim to me. Let's go. Come on. Phil, help! Get me. Phil, get me! All right, come on! I got you. I love you, buddy. Thank God, you got me! We did it! Yes! You got me, Phil! You got me! You're safe, buddy. Those aren't tears, it's just a little water! Good boy. Harness coming down! I still hate water! I know you're not gonna understand a word of this but I've never been so happy to see that big, ugly face in my whole life. I'm done pretending to be a top dog. A real top dog looks out for his family. And you are my family. That's it, I can't stand it anymore. I'm gonna give him the tongue. That's a good boy! I know, I know! I've been on this crew nine years. And that, my friend, is some pretty strong stuff. Come on, buddy! Honey? Dad! Dad! Hey, guys! Are you okay? Hi, Dad. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm just a little wet, that's all. Marmaduke! Look who I found! Marmaduke! Oh, yeah! Get a little Marmaduke. Let me wrap my paws around you! We missed you. Hi, there. Hi! Okay, you're all wet! Gosh, I love you guys so much. This is all my fault. I never asked what you wanted. I've just been trying so hard to make this work that I had no idea you were so unhappy. I guess what I'm trying to say is I think we should move back to Kansas. What? Move back to Kansas?

  • Marmaduke: Kansas? Uh-uh. Toto ain't going nowhere, papi.

That's crazy talk, Dad. Hey, Brian! Dude, we got it all on tape. We're putting it on YouTube! Sweet! It's good to see you, Bri. What are you doing? Brian, who are your friends? They're just some kids I met at the skate park. They're pretty cool. Hey, boys! Hi. Sup?

  • Bodie: Hey, Barbara!
  • Marmaduke: Hey, what's Hasselhoff doing here?

Bodie? You came. Yeah, I came as soon as I got your text message. Is everybody okay? Yeah, everything's much better now. Those were some pretty sick moves, Mr. Winslow. Thank you, Bodie. No worries, Phil. It's Mr. Winslow. Yes, sir. What do you think, babe? I don't know. I like it here. I think we fit here. We fit in the house. We don't fit in that company car. I just missed you. Looks like we're home. Looks like the family landed on their feet. There's just one more thing I got to take care of. Check it out. Here goes nothing. What the heck is he doing? Is he crazy?

  • Pedigrees: Fight! Fight! Fight!
  • Lightning: Don't just stand there, do something!
  • Thunder: I am. I'm standing my ground!
  • Bosco: What's up, Marmadukey? You here to exact revenge?
  • Marmaduke: Actually, no, Bosco. I'm here to thank you.
  • Bosco: Thank me? For what?
  • Marmaduke: For showing me how wrong I was. I don't care what everyone thinks of me 'cause it doesn't matter if you're big or small or a pedigree or a mutt. We're all just dogs. And that's the way the park should be. So I'm gonna sit down and claim this spot for all the dogs who don't think they have what it takes to be over here.
  • Bandana Dog: Sup? Yeah.
  • Bosco: You gotta be kidding me. You're kidding me, right? Does everyone here have rabies-induced insanity? This is sacred turf. It's just for pedigrees.
  • Marmaduke: Well, not anymore.
  • Bosco: You know what? You're all just mutts. All of you! Let's go, Jezebel.
  • Jezebel: I think everyone should sit here, too.
  • Thunder: I'm done taking your spit on my head, Bosco.
  • Lightning: Go find somebody else to drool on. We're through with you!
  • Thunder: Come have a seat, fellas.

It's lovely up here.

  • Giuseppe: I can see forever!
  • Bosco: Fine, have it your way, losers. I'll remember this. Payback's gonna be a... Bee! Bee! Ahhh!
  • Raisin: Victory! Victory is ours!
  • Giuseppe: The Duke's our boy!
  • Marmaduke: Huh! Looks like I'm not the only one terrified of bees. Bees are scary. Listen... I don't know how to say this without hurting your feelings...
  • Jezebel: Shh! I'll be fine. It's time to finally stand on my own four legs for a while. Besides, we'll still be friends.
  • Marmaduke: Ouch! I hate it

when girls say that. Mazie? Wow. Hey, check it out.

  • Giuseppe: Looking good in the pink.

What are you waiting for? Go! Mazie, wait up! Oh, hey! You look amazing! I feel like a fluffy monstrosity.

  • Marmaduke: Listen, I wanted to say how sorry I am for the way I've been acting. I was a real jerk, and you didn't deserve it. I think my brain just turned into an Afghan Hound for a while.No offense.
  • Afghan: I totally heard that.

It takes a big dog to admit that. Yeah, I... What? Your eyes. You have really pretty eyes. And I never had a chance to tell you. Thanks! Your fur's really nice, too. Winslow!

  • Marmaduke: Oh! I wonder what ever happened to that PETCO deal.
  • Twombly: Winslow! Winslow? There you are, I've been looking for you.
  • Phil: I thought I was fired.
  • Twombly: Don't be so sensitive. Any man that chooses his dog over his career is a man I want working for me. Besides, have you seen the video of you rescuing Marmaduke on YouTube?
  • Phil: Nah.
  • Twombly: Six hundred and eighty-two

thousand hits so far. We got PETCO!

  • Phil: Are you serious?
  • Twombly: Totally! We're gonna sell a lot of dog food!

Wow! Come on, walk with me. We got work to do. I can't. Why? 'Cause I made plans with my family. Who? Oh. All right. All right, tomorrow. Monday. Monday. Deal. Deal. Don't push it, okay? Okay, I'm just spit-balling here but what if the dogs could talk to each other?

  • Phil: I don't really buy it.
  • Twombly: What if they could dance?
  1. Hey!
  2. What I like about you
  3. You really know

how to dance

  1. When you go up, down,

jump around

  1. Think about true romance
  2. Keep on whispering

in my ear

  1. Tell me all the things

that I want to hear

  1. 'Cause it's true
  • Carlos: What's up, boys? That's what I like about you.
  1. That's what

I like about you

  1. Hey!
  • Buster: Hey! That's what I like about you.
  1. Hey! #
  • Phil: It's still pretty rough. What do you think?

I love it! Great job. Thanks, Deb.

  • Marmaduke: Wait for it. Wait for it. [he farts next to Phil and Debbie]
  • Phil and Debbie:Oh! Marmaduke!
  • Phil: What did you eat?
  • Carlos: Man, you got a serious problem.
  • Marmaduke:It never gets old!