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  • [The episode begins at SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is peeking through his window with his binoculars.]
  • SpongeBob: [imitates static and talks through walkie-talkie] This is Junior Crime Breaker SpongeBob, reporting to Junior Crime Breaker Patrick. [imitates static] There are no signs of crime in front of my house. Any criminal activity by you? Over. [imitates static]
  • [At Patrick's house, Patrick is also peeking around with his binoculars.]
  • Patrick: [imitates static and talks through walkie-talkie] Uh...I've got a visual on an old lady tying her shoes. [slides down his house; whispers] She's doing the old granny knot.
  • Old Lady: Oh, I'll give you a granny knot!
  • Patrick: [grunts as he flips over] All clear! No crime here.
  • [The old lady snatches the wallet from Patrick's pocket with her teeth and hops away. Squidward walks out of his house with luggage.]
  • SpongeBob: [imitates static] Patrick, emergency meeting at Squidward's house—ASAP! [he and Patrick stop in front of Squidward on their knees] Oh please, Squidward, don't move away! You can't leave the neighborhood! Aw, we were just starting to get close. [whimpers]
  • Patrick: [grabs Squidward and hugs him tightly; he inhales] I swear, I'll haunt your nightmares if you move away!
  • Squidward: [pushes Patrick away] I'm not moving away, you brainless bottom feeders!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick suck and eat the sand like bottom feeders.]
  • Squidward: I'm just taking a week's vacation away from you morons.
  • SpongeBob: [squeals as he jumps in Squidward's arms and whispers in his ear] Thank you.
  • [Squidward drops SpongeBob to the ground.]
  • SpongeBob: [grabs Squidward's suitcase] Let me help you carry this.
  • Squidward: No—wait, no!
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward pull the suitcase open and all of Squidward's belongings fly everywhere.]
  • SpongeBob: [removes underwear off his head] Oh—your unmentionables.
  • [Squidward swats the underwear away in anger.]
  • Patrick: I won't mention is bra.
  • Squidward: It's not a bra! It's a pectoral girdle. I don't care about my clothes. I just wanna get away from you two. And while I'm away—huh...
  • [Patrick tries on some of Squidward's clothes, but it rips onto SpongeBob's face. Squidward gets really angry and his head explodes like a bomb.]
  • Squidward: [packs his suitcase] While I am gone, there will be a paying guest renting my place. Don't bother him!!! [leaves]
  • [The scene changes to a taxi pulling up at Squidward's house.]
  • SpongeBob: [imitates static and talks through walkie-talkie] This is Junior Crime Breaker SpongeBob to Junior Crime Breaker Patrick. I've got a visual on a cab. Can you get a make on who the passenger is? Over. [imitates static]
  • Patrick: [imitates static and talks through walkie-talkie, but is blindfolded by Squidward's pectoral girdle] I can't see anything through these unmentionables. [imitates static]
  • [The passenger comes out of the taxi, which turns out to be Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch nemesis, Man Ray.]
  • TV Announcer: Who's this tacky tourist turning up in taxi? Why, it's none other than that mortal enemy of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, the evil Man Ray!
  • Man Ray: Hey, dude, keep it down. I'm not doing any evil this week. I'm on vacation!
  • TV Announcer: Really?
  • Man Ray: Yes, really. [hums cheerfully as he enters Squidward's house]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, he went inside! Patrick, wouldn't it be great to have another friend who could join our Junior Crime Breakers? Ooh, I gotta get a look at him!
  • Patrick: [squeals quietly] We can blast him out. [holds up a huge TNT dynamite]
  • SpongeBob: No, no! Squidward said not to bother the man. [Patrick throws away the dynamite] So, we gotta be sneaky.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick sneak behind Squidward's house to take a look at Man Ray. Patrick pounds on the window.]
  • SpongeBob: Shh! He must've gone upstairs.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick run back to the front of Squidward's house.]
  • Patrick: Well, how do we get up there?
  • SpongeBob: "Eye" have just the thing! [giggles and grabs his right eye] Ow!
  • [SpongeBob swings his eye, throws it, and ties it to an open window. Inside, Man Ray is sleeping on Squidward's chair and feels a cold breeze of wind.]
  • Man Ray: [shivers] Oh, it's getting chilly.
  • SpongeBob: [Man Ray slams the window on SpongeBob's eye] Ow! [groans weakly; Man Ray slams the window on SpongeBob's eye again] D'ow! [SpongeBob pulls his eye down to avoid getting slammed on by the window] Ow! [SpongeBob reels his eye back on his face] Oof! [his eye is completely flat like a pancake; he yelps when he blinks it] Ow.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick ringing the doorbell while bringing a pie.]
  • SpongeBob: Now, I know Squidward said not to bother his guest, but there's nothing wrong with a welcome-to-the-neighborhood pie. [giggling squeals]
  • Man Ray: [answers the door] Oh! May I help you? I was just finishing up in the bathroom.
  • SpongeBob: [hands Man Ray the pie] Hello. Welcome to the neighborhood! [enters Squidward's house]
  • Patrick: Don't mind us. [enters Squidward's house]
  • Man Ray: Wha...Hmm. [closes the door]
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick each take a seat in two of Squidward's furniture. One of which Patrick breaks.]
  • Man Ray: Is this sand?
  • Patrick: Hamper sand—from my hamper.
  • Man Ray: [quietly] Ugh!
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, stranger, we got a nice little town here—thanks to the Junior Crime Breakers. And we're always looking for new members. You look pretty fit.
  • Patrick: SpongeBob. He's not putting out any snacks for us.
  • Man Ray: Oh, sorry! How rude of me. Hmm...ooh! All I have is this pie.
  • Patrick: Don't mind if I do.
  • [Patrick grabs the sand pie, eats it, and swallows it. After swallowing it, he smiles and sand falls out from his teeth.]
  • Man Ray: Eh—if you'll excuse me, I'll finish up in the bathroom. [heads upstairs]
  • Patrick: [pants] He's all outta snacks! [throws the pie plate away] Let's go.
  • SpongeBob: But, Patrick, we haven't asked him to join the Junior Crime Breakers yet. Hello, we were wondering if you'd like to—[screams]
  • [SpongeBob pulls out his comic book and frantically looks through the pages. He realizes that the paying guest that is renting Squidward's house is actually Man Ray. Man Ray is finishing sprucing himself up in the bathroom.]
  • Patrick: [quietly] Evil villain Man Ray.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick run out.]
  • Man Ray: Now, what were you saying? [notices that SpongeBob and Patrick are gone] Hmm? What? Hmm? [shrugs his shoulders] Hmm.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick running to Shady Shoals Rest Home. They enter Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's room.]
  • SpongeBob: Mermaid Man! It's Man Ray! He's right inside Squidward's...place. [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy appear to be resting in frozen capsules] Too late. Man Ray must've gotten to them.
  • Patrick: [whimpers] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy ice pops! They finally made them! [goes to lick Mermaid Man's capsule]
  • SpongeBob: Wait a minute, Patrick. We're both wrong! It says right here in issue 55. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just taking their cryonic nap. But when they wake up in a week, they'll be weak for a week! [SpongeBob leaps towards Patrick] Patrick, do you know what this means?
  • Patrick: I'll have to wait a week for my Mermaid Man ice pop?
  • SpongeBob: Yes and no. It means that you and I will have to be Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, and stop Man Ray's vacation of...[thunder claps] Evil!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [grabs Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's rings] By the power of Neptune, Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star unite!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick unite the rings and disappear in a loud explosion. The results of the explosion causes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy to abruptly wake up from their cryonic nap. The scene changes to SpongeBob as Mermaid Pants and Patrick as Barnacle Star climbing up to a window on a stack of trash cans. Patrick is seen licking Mermaid Man's frozen arm.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, is that...
  • Patrick: I couldn't wait a week! [throws away Mermaid Man's frozen arm and he and SpongeBob resume climbing] Yow!
  • [SpongeBob reaches the top, but Patrick pushes SpongeBob off. Patrick grabs SpongeBob, pulls him back up and hangs him on the window. Patrick then begins to lose his balance.]
  • Patrick: Ah-ah-ah— [sobbing]
  • [Man Ray is sleeping on the couch inside, unaware of what SpongeBob and Patrick are up to.]
  • Patrick: Good thing I'm so stealthy, huh, Mermaid Pants? [loses his balance] Ah! The stealth!
  • [Patrick falls but grabs onto SpongeBob's feet. Soon, all of the trash cans fall and crash.]
  • Man Ray: [wakes up] Huh? [opens the door] Hmm? [shrugs his shoulders] Hmm! [closes the door]
  • [Patrick climbs up to the window and pulls himself and SpongeBob inside.]
  • SpongeBob: Ow!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick do their action poses. Patrick accidently kicks SpongeBob and sends him crashing into a bookshelf, causing a huge ruckus heard from downstairs.]
  • Man Ray: Intruders? Mm-hmm...I've got to call the cops. [dials the number, but stops] What am I doing? Villains don't call the police! [sighs] I didn't think to bring any evil super-weapons on vacation! I'm unarmed! [hears loud noise] Huh?
  • [The ceiling cracks.]
  • SpongeBob: [looking through a lava lamp] Who'da thunk that Squidward would be stockpiling such a huge arsenal of evil super-weapons? [throws away the lava lamp and bites into some stale cookies until his teeth shatter] So stale, yet so deadly.
  • [Patrick steps back and trips over a bowling ball. He lands on one of Squidward's pictures and gets it caught in his buttocks.]
  • Patrick: I got my weapon!
  • [Patrick pulls the picture out from his butt. Man Ray grabs an umbrella, hoping to find a weapon strong enough to fight. SpongeBob and Patrick attempt to sing their theme song, but they fall down the stairs and land in front of Man Ray.]
  • SpongeBob: [gets up along with Patrick] ♪Dum-dah-dah!♪
  • Man Ray: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? I knew you guys were old, but I had no idea you mutated.
  • SpongeBob: Surrender, Man Ray!
  • Man Ray: I'm on holiday.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, an evil holiday!
  • Patrick: Prepare to be framed! [grunts as he throws the broken picture at Man Ray]
  • [Man Ray opens up the umbrella and sends the broken picture crashing into a vase.]
  • TV Announcer: Vase vaporized!
  • SpongeBob: Here's a dessert that's sure to hurt! [throws the stale cookies at Man Ray like ninja shurikens]
  • Man Ray: Huh?
  • [Man Ray dodges the stale cookies and all of Squidward's figurines get fractured.]
  • TV Announcer: Figurines fractured!
  • [Man Ray flips over a sofa. The sofa crashes onto SpongeBob and Patrick and sends them dangling on the edge of Squidward's house. SpongeBob and Patrick climb back in and continue the fight. Man Ray swings Patrick around and around.]
  • Patrick: No, no, no, no, no!
  • [Man Ray sends Patrick flying into Squidward's clarinet collection. Three clarinets lodge onto SpongeBob's head.]
  • SpongeBob: All right, Man Ray. I will snare you in my "clara-net!" [inhales and blows really loud music through the clarinets]
  • [Man Ray gets pushed by the supersonic waves of the clarinet's music.]
  • Man Ray: [grunts, shouts] Oof!
  • Patrick: [inhales purposely] Uh...I can't think of anything!
  • [Patrick charges towards Man Ray and attacks him while holding onto his head, causing him to fall over and break a table.]
  • TV Announcer: Table toppled!
  • [Outside Squidward's house, the sky is roaring with thunder and the clouds are pitch black. Man Ray jumps through the roof and throws SpongeBob and Patrick out.]
  • Man Ray: I just wanted a vacation!
  • SpongeBob: Evil never takes a vacation!
  • Man Ray: [stammers] Did you just make that up? Because that sounds pretty good. Do you mind if I use it sometime?
  • SpongeBob: Help yourself, Man Ray.
  • Patrick: Yeah, help yourself to pain! [thunder claps]
  • Man Ray: [face palms himself and groans] Why did I ever bother trying to be normal? [rips off his tourist clothing] I am Man Ray! Feel my evil wrath!
  • [Man Ray, SpongeBob and Patrick charge towards each other for their final battle. However, the loud thunder clap scares them and sends them falling through the roof and crashing into the kitchen. The phone rings.]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and Man Ray: Huh?
  • Man Ray: Hold on. I should get this. [answers phone] Hello?
  • Squidward: Hello, Man Ray? The weather changed my plans. I'm coming home. [grunts as the wind attempts to pull him] Not to worry, though. You'll get a full refund on the rent, so long as there is no damage to my place. [Man Ray hangs up] Hello?
  • Man Ray: [laughs evilly] That idiot octopus doesn't know I gave him a phony check! [smashes the phone with his fist and heads out the door] You were right about me after all, dopey duo. Evil never takes a vacation!
  • SpongeBob: Ooh! Definitely sounds a lot cooler when he says it.
  • Man Ray: [hears a horn honking] Ah, here's my Scuber. [runs out, climbs on the scuba-diver and drives away]
  • SpongeBob: Maybe one day Man Ray will reform and join the Junior Crime Breakers. [gets hit in the head by a board] Huh?
  • [Squidward's house is completely trashed up from the battle.]
  • Patrick: Man, he really trashed this place.
  • SpongeBob: Okay, Barnacle Star! Let's be super good and glue all of Squidward's stuff back together!
  • Patrick: Well, how do we do that?
  • SpongeBob: [chuckling] Oh, Patrick, it's right here in issue 14. [slurps] We have super saliva!
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob gluing all of Squidward's stuff with their saliva. SpongeBob glues a clarinet together with his saliva.]
  • Patrick: [glues a cactus together with his saliva] Ow!
  • [SpongeBob glues some stairs together with his saliva. Patrick wrings out saliva from his tongue and dumps it in a bucket. Then he throws the bucket of saliva onto some broken furniture and magically repairs them. Moments later, Squidward enters the house.]
  • Squidward: Hello? [his house is all cleaned up] Oh, looks like my guest left already. [sighs] Home sweet... [slams the door and his house crumbles; he pops up from the rubble with a brick in his mouth, groaning] Home.