[The episode begins with Patrick riding on his chair at the lemonade stand until he stops.]
Patrick:[laughing] Lemonade! Lemonade for sale! [giggles]
[Squidward comes out carrying a bag of trash and goes to put it near the curb. Patrick waves at Squidward in a goofy fashion.]
[Patrick points on the pitcher and Squidward growls angrily. Patrick drinks the water and eats the glass.]
Squidward:[groans] What are you doing out here in the daylight? You should be hidden under your rock like the hideous freak you are. Do you even have a license to sell...[notices the glasses of water] just what are you selling?
Patrick:[yells through the megaphone] Lemonade!
Squidward:[pulls his nose and eyes back out from his head] Thanks for reminding me why I hate you. Lemonade? I don't see any lemons.
Patrick:[silent] I need lemons?
Squidward:[takes out a rotten lemon and throws it in Patrick's eye] Here. Don't say I never gave you anything. [Patrick's eye burns] Sorry it's a little bruised. [laughs]
[Patrick lifts up his left arm, pulls out a bandage from his armpit and puts it on the rotten lemon.]
Patrick: All better. [puts the rotten lemon in the pitcher full of water]
[The scene changes to Squidward shaving the hair out of his nostrils with the razor. Patrick is still sitting outside at his lemonade stand with the rotten lemon in the pitcher.]
Patrick:[yells through two megaphones] Lemonade!
[Patrick's loud outburst startles Squidward. The razor buzzes around in his nostrils and Squidward screams in all directions of his bathroom. The plug comes out and Squidward falls on the floor. Outside, Cara drinks the pitcher of Patrick's "lemonade".]
Cara:[after drinking the pitcher] Ahh! Thanks, buddy. I was thirsty. [gags and sticks his tongue out with the bandage on it]
Patrick: Oh! [removes the bandage from Cara's tongue]
Patrick:[puts the bandage back on his armpit] Sorry, that's not included.
Cara:[gags] I'm gonna be sick! Where can I go? [covers his mouth]
Patrick: I always go in there.
[Cara runs up to the front door, opens it and throws up inside Squidward's house. Cara then closes the door and leaves. Squidward comes out, slipping onto the path of his front door. He growls angrily and stomps over to Patrick, who is holding a firetruck toy.]
Squidward: What are you doing?
Patrick: Oh, I ran out of lemons, so I'm squeezing this.
Squidward: That won't work!
[Patrick squeezes the red paint out from the firetruck toy.]
Squidward: Hmm? Wha...
Patrick: It could use more fire hose.
SpongeBob:[sneaks up behind Squidward and screams through megaphone] One fire truck lemonade!
[Squidward screams and sprays ink out from his nose into the pitcher. Squidward panics and rushes into his house. SpongeBob pulls the megaphone off his face and Patrick gives him a cup of Squidward's ink.]
Patrick: Here you go.
[SpongeBob drinks the ink. He gasps and shrieks while distorting his face. He stops and stares in silence for a bit.]
SpongeBob:[his mouth, tongue, and teeth are all black] That's delicious!
Lady: Hello! What are you selling?
Patrick:[yells through megaphone] Lemonade!
SpongeBob:[yells through megaphone] Black lemonade!
[Patrick gives the lady a glass of black lemonade. She drinks it and, just like what happened to SpongeBob, she gasps and shrieks. She goes up and goes back down. She shrinks and disappears. She reappears blowing fire out from her mouth. She stops and exhales deeply until she calms down.]
Lady:[yells through megaphone] Black lemonade! A unique taste sensation! I'll have another. [slurps]
[Patrick goes to give some more to the lady, but the pitcher is empty.]
Patick: Huh? SpongeBob, cover for me while I go get some more.
SpongeBob: Sure, buddy.
[Patrick grabs the pitcher, goes to the front door of Squidward's house and knocks on it. Squidward answers it with his nose clogged up with tissues.]
Squidward: What do you want?
Patrick: Hi! Uh, yeah, I want you to do that scared thing you did and make more ink.
Squidward: I will not! [slams the door]
[Patrick groans as he thinks. Inside his body, a smaller version of himself goes up to his brain and rings the bell, giving him an idea.]
Patrick: I'll just have to scare the ink out of him! [rips his skin to show his jaw, trachea, heart, lungs, and intestines and knocks on the door]
Squidward:[answers the door] I said I will not—[gasps]
Patrick's intestine: May I borrow a cup of squid squeezings?
[Patrick's appearance scares Squidward out of his wits. As he screams, he sprays more ink from his nose and into the pitcher until it is full.]
Patrick:[laughs] Thank you!
[Patrick runs back to the lemonade stand and gives SpongeBob the pitcher of Squidward's ink.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, I think you'd better get some more black lemonade, buddy. [gives Patrick two empty pitchers]
Patrick: Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, more.
[The scene changes to Patrick at Squidward's front door.]
Patrick: Here, kitty kitty. Oh, here, kitty kitty. Oh, who's a good kitty?
[A giant red sea spider comes crawling by. Patrick opens the door and makes it wide enough for the spider to enter. Squidward is sitting on the couch listening to music on the phonograph. He goes to put another record on the phonograph. While doing so, the spider takes the record and Squidward puts its claw on the other record. The spider's claw makes the record sound terrible.]
Squidward: Huh? Hmm? [looks up and sees the giant spider; he screams] I hate spiders!
[Squidward sprays ink out of his nose again. The ink sprays into Patrick's pitchers until they're full. Squidward climbs up the wall and crawls through the hole on the ceiling. He sprays more ink out from his nose and fills two more of Patrick's pitchers.]
Patrick:[on the spider's head; clicks his tongue] Hyah!
[Squidward cowers behind a chair and whimpers.]
Patrick:[slides off the spider's back] Boo.
[Squidward screams and sprays more ink out from his nose, filling two more of Patrick's pitchers. Squidward hides on top of his kitchen cabinets. The spider looms in on Squidward and makes him spray more ink, filling up two more of Patrick's pitchers.]
Patrick: Thank you!
Squidward: Please! No!
[Patrick closes the door and goes to the lemonade stand. He gives the pitchers to SpongeBob.]
Patrick: Oh? [sees a long line of customers] Oh... What? I got to get more black lemonade!
[The scene changes back inside Squidward's house. The kitchen is a complete mess from all of the ink. Squidward comes out from the sink drain and looks around. He hears a sound and hides again. This time, he comes out from the bottom cabinets.]
Squidward: Is it gone? [hears a clanging sound] What was that? Is someone there? [grabs a pan] Hello? Who is it? [hears the doorbell ring and hides under the rug]
[Squidward peeks out from under the rug. Patrick continues to ring the bell. Squidward tiptoes to the door and slowly answers the door.]
[The door slams itself shut, leaving Squidward locked outside. Squidward tries to open it to go back in, but it wouldn't budge. The lights turn on. Squidward turns around and finds himself in a haunted themed area made by Patrick himself.]
Squidward:[whimpering] I've lost it. I can't tell what's real anymore!
[Patrick scares Squidward with a toy worm and a toy snail under his feet. The toy snail makes Squidward flip over and fall on the ground.]
Patrick: Boo! I'm a haunted...[swings over Squidward with a tablecloth over his body] tablecloth!
[Squidward screams a sprays more ink out from his nose. The ink fills several cups, pitchers, bowls, and pails laid out by Patrick. Patrick swings himself into a wall and laughs. Squidward runs up the stairs while spraying ink in more cups and bowls laid out by Patrick. He runs into a spooky baby's room with creepy music playing in the background.]
Squidward: Not creepy nursery rhyme music!
[Squidward hears a creaking sound in the crib behind him. He looks in the crib and sees Patrick wearing a creepy baby customer while having a nose similar to Squidward's.]
[Squidward screams and sprays more ink out from his nose into the crib. Squidward runs out through the window.]
Patrick:[puts the sucker back on the baby bottle filled with ink] Thank you, Daddy!
[Squidward falls to the ground and sees a spooky but crudely version of the Krusty Krab in front of him.]
Squidward: The Krusty Krab? How did I wind up here? I don't think I want to go in. [a newspaper falls on him; he gasps as he reads it] This newspaper is dated 60 years into the future.
[The conveyor belt underneath him moves and it takes him inside.]
Squidward:[covers his eyes] I can't look! I'm afraid to see. Please, no.
[Squidward looks up and sees a puppet version of his old futuristic self in his workstation.]
Puppet Squidward: May I help you, young man?
[Squidward's nose becomes a faucet and he screams the ink out of himself. Patrick, who is operating the old Squidward puppet, watches down happily. Squidward has had enough of the haunted area and goes to run away. He runs out of the haunted area and bumps into Don the Whale at the lemonade stand.]
SpongeBob: Squidward, if you want to buy some black lemonade, you'll have to get in the back of the line.
Patrick:[comes out with a boat load of Squidward's ink] Yeah, wait your turn like everybody else.
Squidward: What? Black lemonade? You've been selling this as a refreshment?
SpongeBob and Patrick:[yells through megaphones] Yes!
Don the Whale:[pushes Squidward] Hey, come on, buddy. No cutting. We've been waiting here all day.
[The crowd complain and Squidward sees a really long line of customers.]
Fish: Think they can just walk right up!
Squidward: You mean you people actually drink this?
[The crowd murmurs in agreement.]
Squidward: Huh? Huh? [smiles evilly and gets an idea] Huh! [grabs a megaphone and speaks into it] What if I told you you can buy black lemonade straight from the source?
Don the Whale: Source? We love the source!
[The crowd murmurs in agreement. Squidward takes out a really big fan and blows SpongeBob, Patrick, the boat load of ink, and the lemonade stand away.]
[Squidward forms his own stand and calls it "Squidward's black lemonade". The customers line up.]
Don the Whale: Uh, okay. So where's our black lemonade?
Squidward: Yes, of course. Coming right up. [attempts to spray more ink out from his nose, but nothing happens] Huh? [pokes his nose and blows it; he chuckles] Don't worry. I'll—I'll make some more. I just need a little recovery time. [wrings out his nose and blows it, only to blow out the inside of his nostrils]
Dave: Say, uh, buddy, you all right?
Squidward:[chuckles] I'm fine!
Dave: Well, then, make with my black lemonade!
Squidward: Uh, can somebody please scare me?
Don the Whale:[grabs Squidward by the neck] Oh, I'll do better than that, jack! [goes to punch Squidward]
[Squidward screams and sprays ink out from his nose onto Don's face. Squidward then sprays ink over the heads of the long line of customers. The customers gasp in shock and moan in disgust when they see that black lemonade was actually made out of Squidward's ink. Squidward stops spraying the ink and goes back to the his lemonade stand.]
Squidward: Black lemonade.
Cara:[grossed out] Oh...is that what black lemonade is? [gags]
[The customers are completely grossed out. They trample onto Squidward and destroy the stand. Then they run into Squidward's house and throw up inside.]
Squidward: I don't get it. I thought they wanted...
SpongeBob:[he and Patrick are wearing gloves and aprons while holding trays of cookies] Hey, Squidward! You'll be happy to hear we're out of the black lemonade business. We found something new.
Patrick: Yeah, it's all yours, buddy. Homemade cookies.
SpongeBob and Patrick:[whispers] Yay.
Squidward: Huh. You know, a—a homemade cookie is just the kind of comfort food I could use right now. Thanks. [takes a cookie and eats it] Hey, these cookies are delicious! What's in them?
Patrick: Spider eggs!
SpongeBob: Yeah, say hello to our new partner. [shows the giant red spider to Squidward] Mildred, you've met Squidward.
[Squidward screams as Mildred's babies crawl out of his mouth and sprays more ink out from his nose, blackening the screen and ending the episode.]