This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "I Was a Teenage Gary" from season 1, which aired on October 28, 1999.
[Title card is shown, title jumps on, and a snail trail follows at the end of the title card showing.]
SpongeBob: (Gary is on his exercise wheel) Exercise time is over, Gary. (takes Gary off his wheel) We don’t want you getting too thin. (holds up a green, squishy ball) Here, boy. Fetch! (throws it and Gary goes after it but at a slow pace. SpongeBob checks his watch and goes sits on a chair and takes out the newspaper to read. Morning arrives and SpongeBob is asleep in the chair. Gary crawls up to SpongeBob and spits out the ball)
SpongeBob: Huh? (sees the ball on the ground) Good job, Gary! I love you Gary. Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary. Gary, Gary, Gary. (scratches his chin which makes Gary purr. Gary climbs up on SpongeBob) Down, boy! (Patrick comes in)
Patrick: SpongeBob! Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?
SpongeBob: For what?
Patrick: The annual jellyfish convention in Ukulele Bottom this weekend! (shows his jellyfishing net off until he hits something breakable) So, you ready or what?
SpongeBob: That was this weekend? I can’t go, I don’t have anyone to take care of Gary! (As SpongeBob talks Gary continues to crawl all over his body stopping on the hop of his head. Squidward knocks. SpongeBob opens door)
Squidward: Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
SpongeBob: Squidward, could you watch Gary this weekend?
Squidward: What’s a Gary?
SpongeBob: Not 'a' Gary...Gary. He’s my pet snail. (shows Gary to Squidward) Say hello! (Gary is drooling a lot)
Squidward: Yuck. You actually care for that thing?
SpongeBob: I love Gary!
Squidward: Well, I don’t. Get somebody else. (walks off)
- SpongeBob: I guess we can’t go away this weekend after all, Patrick. (Squidward stops)
- Squidward: Go away? You mean, if I watch Gary, you guys will be gone all weekend?
- SpongeBob: Actually, a three day weekend.
- Squidward: As in, not here for three days?
- SpongeBob: Yeah, but you’ve already said you can’t do it, we understand.
- Patrick: Don’t feel bad, Squidward. The three of us can still have our own jellyfish convention at your house!
- Squidward: I changed my mind. You guys deserve a weekend away.
- SpongeBob: You’ll do it? Great! Let me show you a little bit about snail care. You need to take Gary for a walk... (SpongeBob explains the daily routine with Gary but * Squidward is thinking of how much fun he'll have with SpongeBob & Patrick away)
- Squidward: Friday, Saturday and Sunday. A three-day weekend.
- SpongeBob: Let me show you how to feed him. (opens a cabinet with a bunch of barrels of Gary's food) The cans are all marked, a can in the morning and a can at night.
- Squidward: Sure it’s enough? (bus drives up to the pineapple with other jellyfishers inside)
- Group: Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing!
- Patrick: The bus is here! The bus is here! (crashes through the wall and through the bus leaving his starfish shape through each hole) C’mon, SpongeBob!
- Group: Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing!
- Squidward: (pushing SpongeBob out of the house) Well, time to go. Don't want to be late. Have fun, bye-bye.
- SpongeBob: Now, you won't forget my instructions, will you?
- Squidward: I have the memory of an elephant, I’ll take good care of Fred.
- SpongeBob: Gary.
- Squidward: Right, yeah, right. (bus drives off) Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! So long, losers! (laughs with joy) They’re gone! (runs inside his Easter Island Head. Gary peeks his eyes out the window)
- Gary: Meow.
- Squidward: (comes out with shorts on and his nose with sunscreen on it and a chair. Unfolds the chair and sits on it) This is going to be the best three days of my life. (sighs and lays back with a sun reflector in front of him) I’m going to do all the things I can’t normally do because of SpongeBob. (all three days pass and now Squidward is badly sunburned, The bus comes back as the group is chanting "jellyfishing") Well, thus ends the greatest weekend of my life. No SpongeBob, no Patrick, nothing but me, me, me. (Squidward sees Gary through the window. Gary growls. Squidward's sunburn drains) Ahh, the snail! I forgot the snail! (runs inside the pineapple where Gary is old and withered on the floor. Squidward takes him inside to the kitchen) I've got to do something. (takes all the barrels of food and puts it in his bowl) Ok, ok ,ok. Here we go. Here we go. Right here.(throws the food at Gary trying to get him to eat it) Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. You've got to finish this food.
- SpongeBob: See you later, Patrick.
- Squidward: Come on, eat. Eat! Eat! (SpongeBob gets his house key out. Squidward has to decide about the food) Ohh...
SpongeBob: (sticks the key in the hole and opens the door) Gary! I’m home!
Squidward: (greets SpongeBob with a head full of Gary's food that he ate) Hi, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: Squidward! What are you doing here? (Squid swallows all the food)
- Squidward: Oh, just checking up on old Gary for you.
- SpongeBob: What a great friend you are, Squidward.
- Squidward: So, uhh, well, see you. Good-bye.
- SpongeBob: Thanks, Squidward. (Gary crawls to SpongeBob still old and wrinkly) I can always count on you. (Gary moans and SpongeBob screams) Gary! Gary, what’s happened to you? What’s wrong? Squidward, something’s wrong with Gary! Squidward! (Squidward frowns cause he can't leave. Later, the doctor's snail-mobile is in front of the pineapple)
- Doctor: Yes, yes, it’s just as I thought.
- SpongeBob: What?
- Doctor: This is definitely a snail.
- SpongeBob: I knew it! Oh Squid, did you hear that?
- Doctor: Therefore, a shot of snail plasma must be carefully administered. Here you go. (hands the shot to SpongeBob)
- SpongeBob: Aren’t you going to do it?
- Doctor: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’m too squeamish. (doctor leaves. Squidward runs after him)
- Squidward: Uhh, hey, doc, let me help you with your bag there.
- SpongeBob: Squid, wait! I can’t give Gary his plasma. I’m squeamish too.
- Squidward: Aww, SpongeBob, I don’t want to do... (Gary moans and coughs badly)
- SpongeBob: Gary!
- Squidward: Ok, ok, I’ll do it. (takes the shot)
- SpongeBob: Now, don’t hurt him, Squidward. Ok, ok, steady. (Squidward tries to give Gary the shot but SpongeBob pulls him away) Wait, that's too hard. Ok, ok, ok, try it again. (Squidward keeps trying but gets the same result every time)
- Squidward: Will you hold him still? (snail plasma shot in SpongeBob’s nose)
- SpongeBob: Squidward, you’re injected me with snail plasma.
Squidward: Well, you made me do it.
SpongeBob: What’s going to happen to me?
- Squidward: Oh, nothing, it’s just a little snail plasma.
- SpongeBob: I don’t know, I feel kind of funny!
- Squidward: I'm telling you, it's all in your head. (Gary crawls to his water bowl to get a drink)
Squidward: He just needed water?
SpongeBob: Oh, Gary, you’re better! (hugs him) Squidward: Oh, how touching. I’m going to go home and throw up. Good night. SpongeBob: Squidward, wait, the snail plasma!
Squidward: Trust me SpongeBob, nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re fine. (closes door)
Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: Don’t worry Gary, Squidward says I’ll be fine. He knows everything. So, you hungry?
Gary: (jumps up) Meow! (SpongeBob pours food into Gary's bowl but decides to see what it tastes like. He likes it so he eats all of it. Then walks to Gary with the empty bowl)
SpongeBob: Here ya go. Eat up, Gary. Gary: Meow? SpongeBob: Sorry Gary, I couldn’t control myself. (burps) Meow. Why did I just do that? Am I cracking up? Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: No, no, Squidward’s right. I’m fine. I worry too much. It’s all in my head. I feel tip-top! (SpongeBob walks off but Gary walks faster) Gary, you’ve getting (voice slow, lowers) a lot faster. (walks up to the mirror in the bathroom. His voice echoes) Look at me. Never better. (yelps while his body goes into transformation) I’m ok, Squidward said I’m fine! (SpongeBob yells as his eyes pop out and transform like Gary's eyes) Gary, I’m fine! (SpongeBob slowly falls to the floor and mubbles something as his left arm gradually disappears) That’s ok, I’m a lefty anyway. (his feet disappear) Now I don’t have to buy those new shoes! (his body shortens up like a snail) Ahh, I take it back, Gary. Something is wrong with meeeeeow!
Squidward: (in his bed) I never want to see another snail again. Good night, Clary. (knock on door and doorbell rings) I wonder who that could be as if I didn’t already know. (Squidward walks to the door and opens it) SpongeBob, I already told you. You’re gonna be just fi-i-i... (SpongeBob is a fully breaded snail now)
- SpongeBob: Meow!
- Squiudward: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
SpongeBob: Meow! Meow. (Squidward touches SpongeBob’s left eye and it curls up.)
Squidward: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (runs back inside shutting the door)
Squidward: SpongeBob? Oh, Neptune, what have I done? (picks up the snail plasma shot) It's all your fault. (throws it away) Ok, ok, ok, ok, get it together, Squidward.
SpongeBob: Meow! (Squidward screams and puts boards on his door. Turns around and SpongeBob is at his window) Meow. Meow. (Squidward screams) Meow! (Squidward puts more boards on his window but SpongeBob squeezes through the boards holes) Meow. Meow. (Squidward screams and runs into his closet)
Squidward: None of this would be happening if I’d only fed the snail! (SpongeBob squeezes in from under the door) SpongeBob: Meow! (Squidward screams and runs through his door) Meow. (Squidward runs up and down his ceiling while SpongeBob keeps meowing at him. Outside, his house is bouncing from side to side until its flipped on its side completely. Everything is broken and torn inside. Squidward sits up but is injected with the snail plasma through his nose) Uh-oh! (now SpongeBob, Squidward, and Gary are on a fence)
Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. SpongeBob: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Squidward: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
SpongeBob: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Squidward: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
- Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
- Patrick: Will you clam up?! (throws a shoe)
- Squidward: Meow, meo... (shoe hits him off the fence)
Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. SpongeBob: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Squidward: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.