• (The 2014 Christmas special begins with the title card How Murray Saved Christmas. A Santa hat lands on the C in Christmas. The camera pans over to a village.)
  • Narrator: North of the North pole and south of the south stars lies a quaint little village called Stinky Cigars.
  • (Officer Bender drives out a little bit from the Stinky Cigars billboard.)
  • Narrator: The name is so awful, that folks pass right by it. That's a trick we use to keep our town quiet. You'll see we've got some celebrities here. The Groundhog, Columbus, and Chinese New Year.
  • (The Groundhog, Christopher Columbus, and the Chinese Dragon are running on treadmills.)
  • Narrator: There's Jack Frost, and Washington, and Lincoln, and Cupid, and dear April Fool, who's as sweet as he's stupid.
  • April Fool: Yahtzee.
  • (George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Cupid, and Jack Frost throw their cards down in disgust.)
  • Narrator: St. Pat and St. Nicholas fill our saint quota.
  • Saint Patrick: If you're looking for St. Paul, check Minnesota. (laughs with Santa)
  • Narrator: You have to be proud and a little bit nuts to honor a banner with two smelly butts.
  • Santa Claus: (on microphone) Please join me in our town anthem. (singing) Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
  • Citizens: (singing) Stinky Cigars, Stinky Cigars. There's no place on Earth and no place on Mars that's as happy like Stinky Cigars.
  • Father Time: (singing) The cats never scratch. The dogs never bite.
  • Cupid: (singing) The sun shines all day and night.
  • Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and Uncle Sam: (singing) All day and night.
  • (The Easter Bunny hops into a spotlight. He throws his basket away, turns his bowtie into a rapper's cap, and puts on sunglasses.)
  • Easter Bunny: (rapping) Uh! S to the T-I, N to the K-Y.
  • Marshmallow Bunnies: (singing) Stinky, Stinky Cigars.
  • Easter Bunny: (rapping) Uh! Life in the S-C is kind of a dream, there's a candy cane tree by a butterscotch stream. If your teeth all go rotten, well, don't you scream, 'cause the dentist gives fillings of chocolate cream. (shows chocolate cream in teeth.)
  • Marshmallow Bunnies: Sweet.
  • (The Mardi Gras Man is playing the piano while April Fool is dancing. Then Miss Kwanzaa and Whistler's Mother dances along with him.)
  • Citizen: (singing) Stinky Cigars, Stinky Cigars.
  • Easter Bunny: (singing) Yeah, the streets are all paved with chocolate bars.
  • Turkey: (singing) There's no smoking in Stinky Cigars. (slaps pipe out of St. Patrick's mouth)
  • April Fool: (singing) (with head through painting) I put my head through a priceless Renior.
  • Santa Claus: (singing) (also with head through painting) That's no problem in Stinky Cigars.
  • Citizens: (singing) No one's got problems in Stinky Cigars!
  • Turkey: (spoken) Well, that killed half the day.
  • Abraham Lincoln: (spoken) We've got to get a shorter anthem.

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