Buckey O'Neil: Why, hello there! [removes glasses] I didn't see ya come in. I'm Buckey O'Neil. I was a famous hero in the civil war, and then I fought with Teddy Roosevelt in the rough riders. But my greatest achievement [silence for a few seconds and Buckey is seen with a wheelbarrow full of chicken] was my chicken! Heh! [a Yee-haw scream] When other folks were panning for gold nuggets, I was pannin' for chicken nuggets! The locals loved my chicken so much [gives chicken to kid] they traded all their land for it! Heh! Pretty convenient. And that's how the town of Aberdale was founded. [chicken clucks and logo appears] YEE-HAW!
[The screen zooms out of the TV and behind Sumo. The video on the TV is replaying while Sumo is breathing at it]
Clarence: [singing] The burgers here are good, the chicken nuggets good, the fries are good, and the soda pop is really good! [end of song]
Jeff: I only like the fries here.
Clarence: [gasp] What....? You don't like the burgers?
Clarence: What about the nuggets?
Clarence: Not even the burgers?
Clarence: [silence for a second and while Clarence is talking, the screen moves to the Fun Dungeon] What about the Fun-Dungeon?
[Music is playing and the screen shows the kids (including Dustin, Breehn, Darlie and Courtlin] screaming, squealing, and having fun.]
Jeff: [shudders] Ugh.
Cashier: Welcome to Rough Riders Chicken, what can I get you?
Mary: Uh, hi, I'll just have the, uh, Chicken Parfait.
Clarence: I want that one!
Cashier: The Hip-Watchers Chicken Salad?
[The cashier looks at Mary for a second. Mary nods her head, annoyed]
Cashier: Okay, one Hip-Watchers Chicken Salad for you.
Sumo: [mumbles] Uh, can I get a, uh, chicken burger with Rooster Sauce?
Cashier: What was that, sweetie?
Clarence: He said he wants a chicken burger with Rooster Sauce.
Cashier: Okay, chicken burger with Rooster Sauce.
Sumo: [mumbles] Yeah yeah, and chicken nuggets!
Cashier: [confused] So..?
Clarence: Didn't you hear him? He said he wants the chicken nuggets.
Cashier: Alright then. [turns to Jeff] And what would you like?
Jeff: I would like a Scout Meal.
Cashier: ['happily] Okay then!
Jeff: [interrupts] Except, take out the burger. I just want the fries, the drink, and the toy.
Cashier: Uh sweetie, we're not allowed to do that. You have to order the burger with it.
Jeff: But I only like the fries here. Why can't I just get it, minus the burger?
Cashier: 'Cause that's how it works. You order a Scout Meal, you have to get the burger.
Jeff: Alright then, this is what I want you to do: I'd like a side of fries, a kid-size drink, and one of those toys; the boy one, not the girl one. And, you know those bags that say "Scout Meal"? Put it all in one of those for me. Please.
Cashier: Honey, I am not gonna do that.
Mary: [turns to Jeff] Jeff, why don't you just give the burger to Sumo?
Sumo: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Jeff: I'm sorry Mary, but I can't. [Sumo becomes sad. Clarence pats his back and comforts him] It's the principle of the thing.
Cashier: [to Mary] Ma'am, we can't give him a Scout Meal without the burger. It'd be against the rules.
Mary: [whispers] Just put it on the side.
[The cashier rolls her eyes. Later, Clarence, his mother, and his friends are walking and sitting down at a table. Jeff then opens his meal, and pulls out a toy, which is a cow-like woman.]
Jeff: [mumbles] This is not what I wanted...
[Jeff slides the toy away, then reaches into his meal bag, and pulls out the burger. He then chucks it away, only for Sumo to jump out of his seat and go after it. He then splatters ketchup all over it. Meanwhile Clarence is looking at the ballpit as Courtlin and Patsie play in the ballpit and scream]
Clarence: So you guys want to go to the Fun Dungeon yet?
[Breehn yells as he goes down a slide into a ballpit]
Jeff: [dipping his fries in ketchup] I don't think I will.
Clarence: You're joking me, right?
Jeff: I'm terrible at playing and- [Sumo interrupts Jeff's sentence as he jumps into his seat from behind with a ketchup-covered burger] Anyways, ball pits are filthy. Do you know how many kids have probably thrown up in there?
Clarence: [whispers] But it's worth it!
Sumo: [while splitting his burger] Hey Clarence, wanna try my "blood burger"?
Clarence: [while pushing his dish forward] Sure, try all my stuff.
[Clarence and Sumo are seen grossly sharing food together, each of them eating each other's food. Sumo is then splatting a smoothie on Clarence's salad]
Clarence: [patting his hand on the smoothie cup, making the smoothie come out] No, like this.
[A short montage of Sumo and Clarence eating each other's food plays. The camera then shows Jeff looking at them in a horrified fashion]
Sumo and Clarence: Yummy!
Clarence: [picking up a clump of the salad smoothie] You want some?
Jeff: [holding his fries away from them] I'm-I'm good.
Clarence: Okay. [he and Sumo resume eating, splattering smoothie around]
Jeff: [looking at the bathroom] Mary, may I be excused?
Clarence: [kneeling on the table) Hey buddy, can I have one of your [slow-motion] fries?
[A gross image of Clarence's hand reaching for Jeff's fries appears, and Jeff is seen closing his eyes, then opening them]
Jeff: [pulling his fries away) NOOOOOO!!!
[Everyone in the restaraunt turns to look at Jeff]
Mary: Jeff, why don't we use our inside voices, okay?
Clarence: Geez Jeff, take it easy.
Jeff: I'm-I'm sorry, I just--I don't like people touching my fries.
Clarence: [sitting down] I guess so...
Jeff: I'm going to the bathroom. [putting his fries down on the table] Clarence, I want you to promise me. Make a solemn promise you will not touch my fries. I will stand here and pee myself until you promise.
Jeff: [hand raised in the air and putting it down] Clarence, I'm serious. Do you promise? [Clarence blinks] Promise me.
Jeff: Promise me!
Clarence: Alright, I won't touch your fries.
Jeff: [putting down his fries] I believe in you, Clarence. I know you're not going to lie to me.
Clarence: [nodding] Oh yeah.
Jeff: I'm walking to the bathroom.
Jeff: Walking around to the corner.
Clarence: [Clarence nods] MM-HMM.
[Jeff runs to the bathroom, just as Clarence smirks at Sumo]
Clarence: Hey Sumo.
Sumo: [he looks up at Clarence] Hmm?
Clarence: Guess what?
Sumo: [mouth full] What? [Clarence grabs Jeff's fries] You gonna eat 'em?
Clarence: [putting the fries in his pocket] No, I'm going to trick him into playing with us.
Clarence: He'll be so surprised when he find out they're in my pocket. Tee hee.
[Clarence then gets up, and runs to the Fun Dungeon, not noticing he left one of Jeff's fries on his seat. Clarence and Sumo then see the Fun Dungeon, and Sumo runs towards it, but Clarence stops him]
Clarence: Sumo, wait! [taking off his shoes and puts them in the cubby] You gotta put your shoes in the cubby, see? [taking pink shoes out of the cubby] Then you put on a fresh pair.
Sumo: Fresh.. [flushing is heard from the bathroom] Oh, he's coming out! Let's hide!
[Jeff walks out of the bathroom, shocked that his fries aren't on his table while running up to it]
Jeff: [stuttering] My f- my fr- my-- FRIIIES!!!
Cashier: [looking at Jeff] Oh lord.
[Jeff then looks at Clarence's seat, and sees one of his fries on it]
[Jeff sees Clarence and Sumo hiding behind a slide with Blaide walking by. He then angrily walks over to them]
Sumo: Oh man, we sure got him.
Clarence: Yeah we did. Now he has to have fun.
[Both Clarence and Sumo run to a slide, as Jeff chases them, knocking over Percy in the process. Clarence goes up a slide, but Sumo gets caught by Jeff]
Jeff: [angrily shaking Sumo] WHERE ARE THEY?!
Sumo: [laughing] I don't know! Clarence is the mastermind!
[Jeff then throws Sumo off the slide. Meanwhile, Clarence is at the ball pit, diving into it, and swimming across. Shortly after, Jeff appears, then does a flip dive into the ball pit, swimming towards Clarence. Clarence then looks behind him, seeing that the people inside are being pulled down, startling Clarence who swims faster and reaches the end of the ball pit. Clarence then climbs up some platforms in the next room, as Jeff enters shortly after.]
Jeff: Where are my fries, Clarence?!
Clarence: Why don't you come get them? Hee hee. [crawls into a rope tunnel, seeing Jeff behind him at the start of it] See, isn't this fun???
[Jeff angrily growls, as he grabs the edge of the rope tunnel, and whips it, shaking the tunnel, causing Clarence's arm and leg to fall through. Jeff then crawls towards Clarence, who quickly gets out of it, and goes up to a pink tunnel and a blue tunnel.]
Clarence: Pink or blue, pink or blue? [goes in the pink tunnel, just as Jeff enters, and goes after Clarence in the pink tunnel]
Jeff: Clarence?! [sees a little girl]
Girl: Hi. [Jeff passes by her] Bye.
[Jeff then reaches the end of a tunnel, with a window at the end, and he looks outside, seeing Sumo playing with the woman-like cow toy]
Sumo: [in a girly voice, playing with the toy] But dad I don't want to stay on the farm, I want to go to the city. [normal voice] You better best know your place, little lady.
[On the window, an arm appears from the top, and Jeff sees the arm belongs to Clarence]
[Clarence then crawls backwards from the edge quickly, and Jeff spots a loose window in the tunnel, which he kicks out of place as he climbs on top of the tunnel. Jeff then corners Clarence in an area with a foam fencing]
Clarence: Come on Jeff, take it easy! I was just kidding!
Jeff: COME, BACK, HERE, CLARENCE!
[Jeff then tries to tackle Clarence, who gets out of the way in time to dodge. Clarence then rips a foam tube from the fence and swings it at Jeff, which hits Jeff's face. Suspenseful music starts playing as Jeff then responds by grabbing a foam tube of his own, as Clarence jumps away onto a lower tunnel. Jeff then tries to strike Clarence as he's jumping down, but Clarence blocks it, and pushes Jeff away, and the two then get into a sword fight as the children watch]
Sammy: [walking up to Mary] Oh, hey Mary!
Mary: Oh, hey Sammy, how are ya?
Sammy: I'm good! Did you come here with Clarence?
Mary: Well I'm not here for the food. [chuckles] Well, he and his buddies are playing right now.
Sammy: Oh, well maybe Shawn can join them! [Shawn appears from behind Sammy] You think he and Clarence would get along?
Mary: Oh for sure, all the kids love Clarence!
[Camera cuts back to Jeff's face in the foam tube fight]
Jeff: [holding his foam tube up] I'M GONNA KILL YOU CLARENCE!! [slams his tube down on Clarence, who blocks it]
Clarence: Jeff, wait, will you please listen?! [knocks Jeff back]
Jeff: Then explain how you ate my fries! [swings tube down onto Clarence, who blocks it again]
Clarence: Jeff, I didn't! I didn't eat your-
Jeff: [interrupts] FRIES! [knocks Clarence's tube out of his hand and off the tunnel]
[Clarence backs away, falls off and into a net, and runs into a yellow tunnel. Jeff immediately follows him. Clarence falls in a red slide but spreads his arms, preventing himself from falling.]
Jeff: This is what you get, Clarence. [he raises his foot at him] This is what happens when you eat another man's fries!
Clarence: Jeff, wait! [Jeff puts his foot on Clarence's face] I didn't! They're right here! It's in a cares pocket of come of care. [he pulls Jeff's fries out of his back pocket] They were here the whole time!
Jeff: [Jeff takes his foot off of Clarence's face.] Huh?
Clarence: Here take them! [Clarence throws the fries, but they fall and slide down] Oh no!
[Jeff looks surprised, then inhales.]
Jeff: Clarence, listen. I... I have my own complex reasons for things. Things you could never understand. [He motions to the left] Reasons for people not to touch my fries. [He motions to the right] Reasons I never go into fun spaces.
Clarence: Well, how'd you get up here?
[A view of the outside fun dungeon is seen with Blaide running in the fun dungeon, Courtlin going down a slide and more children playing and screaming. The frame turns back to Jeff]
Jeff: Oh... yeah... well, um...
[Clarence slips and nearly falls down the slide until Jeff grabs him by his ankle]
Clarence: You're not gonna let me die?
Jeff: If you die, I... die, too. [His hand slips and he slides down with Clarence]
Clarence: Whoa! Whoa! Oh...
[they both slide down with a dazed look on their faces and their hair messy. They are greeted with Sumo eating the fries that fell down the slide earlier. Jeff starts laughing. Clarence joins him]
Jeff: Heh... Ah hahaha.
Clarence: Heh heh heh heh. [He playfully punches Jeff's shoulder]
Jeff: Ow! [He smiles and pushes Clarence off of the slide. Sumo continues to eat the fries]
[They all look up as Mary enters while texting on her phone]
Mary: You guys are playing too rough. Come on, let's go.
[Clarence and Jeff continue laughing. As Jeff starts to leave, the Girl comes out of the slade and lands on Jeff's back.]
[Cut to the outside of Rough Riders Chicken. Clarence, Mary, Jeff, and Sumo leave.]
Clarence: Hey, Jeff!
[Jeff turns his back.]
Clarence: I'm sorry I took your fries...
Jeff: Oh- Well- um... I'm sorry I tried to kill you.
[Clarence squeezes his arms to his face.]
Clarence: That's OK. It made it more fun, I guess.
Jeff: Yeah, It kinda did.
[Clarence puts his arm out.]
[Jeff stares silently at Clarence's hand with ketchup and particles of fries on it while Pigs squeal in the background.]
[Jeff shakes his hand with Clarence, then Clarence puts his other hand on Jeff and shakes faster.]
[His pupils enlarge. Jeff quickly springs hand out of Clarence's, then walks away with the same position.]
Jeff: Yep... friends!
[A Girl quietly sobs inside Rough Riders Chicken. Cut to the girl looking for her shoes in the Shoe Cubby.]
Girl 2: I can't find my Light-Up Princess Shoes!
[Cut to a shot of Clarence wearing Girl 2's shoes, with a groove song playing in the background. The song continues on as Mary's car drives away.]
Singer: Oh snap!
[Cut to Clarence sitting next to Sumo in the car.]
Clarence: So Sumo, where's your little cow toy?
[Sumo jumps in shock.]
Sumo (worried) : Y- yeah, whatever. I don't care about no girly toy!
[Sumo looks in the window, with his reflection showing. A piano plays in the background. We cut to a montage of him with the cow toy, while a song is playing in the background. Cut to the scene when Jeff slides the toy to Sumo, then Sumo slowly looks at it. Cut to Sumo getting thrown off the slide, and landing in a ball pit. Sumo looks at the cow toy next to him. Cut to Sumo speaking to the cow toy, with Jeff looking at Sumo at the top. Cut to Sumo on a roundabout with the cow toy, then suddenly he falls off. Fade into Sumo with the cow toy as Sumo "walks" the cow toy to the bathroom, while a looping background of Buckley O' Neil on a big chicken is behind the toy. Cut to Sumo showing the cow toy the Eiffel Tower in France. Then cut to the cow toy on the ground in Rough Riders Chicken, while a Janitor walks past, with Clarence's shoes still in the cubby. The lights turn off.]
Sumo: When I got that girl toy, my life changed
It was all I had
When Jeff was mad
It was good to have her by my side
And I know she'll be my best bride
Oh that's right, she's gone for good
[The episode ends.]