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[incomplete & unfixed/messed]

  • Hey, hey, hey!
  • It's Fa-a-a-a-t Albert!
  • Hey, hey, hey!
  • Hey, hey, hey!
  • Doris. Wait up.
  • Some of the kids are going for an ice cream before practice.
  • Want to go?
  • I, uh, forgot my track shoes.
  • I have to go back home and get them.
  • - Oh.
  • - Hi, Lauri.
  • Hi, Heather. Hi, Becky.
  • Hey, Lauri, you know, like, what I told you about tonight?
  • Uh, yeah.
  • - So, you coming?
  • - Sure.
  • Great.
  • Hey, listen. We're all goin'after school.
  • You're going to that party with me.
  • I don't think so.
  • Look, it's okay.
  • - No big deal.
  • - Doris, why are you acting like such a loser?
  • You're not a loser.
  • - What's up, baby?
  • - Reggie, don't call me baby.
  • Look, Heather's havin' this party.
  • How about you and me, we go together?
  • - What do you say?
  • - What do I say?
  • - Yeah.
  • - I say no.
  • See you at practice.
  • You'll go with me, right? Doris?
  • I wasn't invited.
  • Ma. Ma. Are you home? Ma.
  • Are you ready to lose? Because when
  • I buck-buck, you better duck-duck.
  • Are you gonna buck-buck, or are you just gonna talk-talk?
  • Buck-buck number six comin'.
  • Whoo!
  • Yes! We held.
  • Now we're the buck-buck champions of the world.
  • Wait. We still have one more guy.
  • - Bring him out then.
  • - Come on out, Fa-a-a-a-t Albert.
  • He loves to hear us call his name.
  • Hey, hey, hey!
  • Who wants to play?
  • - Oh, no.
  • - Oh, no!
  • - No, no. Not that--
  • - No, man. I got a bad back.
  • Fat Albert, you got a problem to solve.
  • I just saw Danielle.
  • She said she was quittin' school and running away from home.
  • Looks like Danielle is in trouble.
  • We have to help her.
  • - Hey, Danielle.
  • - What do you want?
  • - You can't quit school and run away.
  • - What's it to you?
  • - Well, I care about you.
  • - Well, don't.
  • Every time someone says they care about me, they wind up leaving me.
  • But, Danielle, you can't let fear--
  • - You hear that?
  • - Hear what?
  • - That.
  • - Hello! We have lines here, people.
  • That. Don't you hear that?
  • I have done guests spots on Bugs Bunny and The Jetsons... and I have never been treated like this.
  • I am so out of here.
  • Oh, my. It's a tear.
  • Hey, hey, hey!
  • What is that thing?
  • - It's a monster!
  • - And it be-- gonna be come and get--
  • Mushmouth thinks the monster will crawl in here and get us.
  • I am so confused!
  • It's not a monster.
  • It's a girl.
  • And she's cryin'.
  • I'm going to help her.
  • Albert, you can't go.
  • We're cartoons, and this is our show.
  • - I have no choice.
  • - You go out there, you will poke your eye out.
  • Why do adults always say you'll poke your eye out?
  • Huh? No.
  • - No.
  • - Hey.
  • Let go of my legs.
  • - Go away!
  • - Let go of my legs. Ow.
  • Let go of my legs. Quit hittin' on me!
  • - Go away!
  • - Ow. Why you doin' me like that?
  • Give me the pillow and stop hittin' on me. Let go of my legs.
  • Let go of my legs.
  • Let go-- my legs.
  • Oh. You stay away from me.
  • I'm gonna call on you.
  • Oh, this cannot be happenin'.
  • I'm losing my mind.
  • Yeah, that's it.
  • Hey, hey, hey.
  • How'd I get this way?
  • I have no idea! You just need to get back into that television set right now.
  • Aba-dabba.
  • Ow. Get off my back.
  • Hey.
  • Russell, you stay here.
  • I'm telling Mom on you.
  • - Look at you.
  • - My teeth.
  • Guys, help. Get me out of here.
  • Oh, my.
  • Look-- Look at us.
  • - This is nuts. We-- We gotta get back.
  • - No, no, no.
  • - That girl has a problem.
  • - What problem?
  • Well, you must have a problem.
  • You were cryin'.
  • Problem. Right.
  • Um--
  • Um, I was cryin'because, uh...
  • I l-- lost my, um-- my backpack!
  • - Is that it?
  • - Oh! You found my backpack!
  • Oh, you guys helped me find my backpack.
  • Oh, thank you so much.
  • Now-- Now you guys can go back into the TV because you solved my problem.
  • - Stay tuned for more of Fat Albert--
  • - Problem solved. Let's go home.
  • - Okay.
  • - You're watching TV Land.
  • - Mushmouth, you go first.
  • - Noba-- Wubba-- Wubba me?
  • One. Again.
  • They're not lettin' him back in.
  • My ba-- hebba hurt. My-- My--
  • Mushmouth says his head hurts.
  • Okay.
  • As soon as the commercial is over and your show is on... you guys can go back i- in there, right?
  • - I hope so.
  • - Okay.
  • Um, I'll go get some drinks.
  • You guys stay put.
  • Okay, Daddy and I are gonna have to have a long talk.
  • I don't know how, but I'm gonna tell him that we need a gate.
  • Some kind of guard or a screen to put over the TV set so-- so nobody can get out. Okay.
  • Don't you guys make noise when you enter a room?
  • Well, I never thought about it.
  • We-- We just enter.
  • Okay. Here are your drinks.
  • Do you have a-- a can opener?
  • The can opener's on the can.
  • Stop! Stop!
  • - Hello? What are you doing?
  • - Singin'.
  • I know you're singing, but aren't you gonna drink?
  • Not unless somebody writes that we're thirsty.
  • Okay. Forget the drinks.
  • The commercial's almost over, and you've gotta get back.
  • Stay tuned to TV Land for more of your classic TV favorites.
  • There's no place like TV Land.
  • Where's our show?
  • It's over.
  • Your show is over.
  • - Pardon me, miss.
  • - My name is Doris.
  • - Doris.
  • - Oh, that's a nice name.
  • - Doris.
  • - I know a dog named Doris.
  • So, Doris, when is our show on again?
  • Tomorrow.
  • - What do we do now?
  • - I don't know.
  • I know you don't know.
  • I wasn't talking to you.
  • - I wasn't talking to you.
  • - Then who were you talking to?
  • - I thought I was talking to her.
  • - Guys, guys!
  • I say we wait with Doris till: tomorrow when our show is on again.
  • I don't think we should be outside.
  • We don't belong here.
  • I don't know about that.
  • This neighborhood looks kind of familiar.
  • - Ooh! Cody, can I ask you a question?
  • - Sure.
  • - Do you see anyone?
  • - I see you.
  • Anyone else?
  • I see a bunch of bizarre-looking freaks.
  • - Thanks.
  • - No problem, Doris. See you around.
  • Okay. Other people can see you too. That's good.
  • I think.
  • Okay, bye!
  • She doesn't mean anything to me.
  • You're the only woman who means anything to me.
  • You're the only woman that matters.
  • Hold on a second, Ma.
  • Can I help you guys?
  • Uh, what are you talking into?
  • - A phone. - It-- It doesn't have any wires.
  • You guys yankin' my chain?
  • - I didn't even know you had a chain. - Me too. Yeah.
  • - Hey,Jer. - Hi, Doris.
  • Do you know these guys?
  • Yeah. I met them today.
  • Okay. Enjoy them.
  • Hey, Ma. No, a bunch of wackos.
  • - Yeah. - Look...
  • maybe it's not such a good idea for you guys to hang with me.
  • So I'll see you tomorrow, : .
  • Where will we go?
  • What will we do?
  • Why don't you bu-bu-bu-- bike us?
  • Mushmouth wants to know why you don't like us.
  • All right, all right. You can come with me.
  • Look, just don't tell anyone who you guys are.
  • Everybody already thinks I'm weird.
  • - I know what you mean. - Well, at least you have friends.
  • I knew it! You do have a problem.
  • - Now all we gotta do is get you some friends. - No. No. Absolutely not.
  • You know who you're talkin' to?
  • Fat Albert talk, people-- people listen.
  • Hey, look. Nobody is talking to anyone, or you're not going anywhere.
  • Now, come on. This is my last class, and I don't want to be late.
  • I talked it over with my boys, and we want a buck-buck rematch.
  • - Uh, you do? - Yeah.
  • We're gonna be the buck-buck champions of the world.
  • - You can't be. - Why not?
  • Fat Albert and the guys aren't here right now.
  • You mean you're here by yourself?
  • - You know what that means, don't you? - No.
  • It means that me and my boys are gonna take over the junkyard!
  • You can't do that! This is Fat Albert's junkyard!
  • Oh, yeah? Well, I don't see Fat Albert anywhere.
  • Help! Help!
  • Good afternoon, class.
  • Good afternoon, Mrs. Forchick.
  • Since there's a three-day weekend coming-- Oh, yes, Doris.
  • Um, I have some... visitors here with me.
  • And I didn't think you'd mind if they audited the class.
  • All right, kids. Come on. Find a seat.
  • Hello. How you doin'?
  • Hello.
  • Nice clothes. Name's Darren.
  • - What's that on your head? - It's my hat.
  • - Why don't you take it off? - I have no face.
  • - Right. - Answer questions one, four, seven and nine.
  • - What's with that guy? - I ba do badoby, but myba nameba iba M-Mushmouth.
  • And you?
  • And now why don't we begin by having your friends introduce themselves?
  • Oh, all right. Well, I'm Fat Albert.
  • - Doris says you're visiting. Where is it that you live? - North Philly.
  • What? Was that funny?
  • Yes. It is.
  • Considering the fact that you're in North Philadelphia...
  • and therefore are visiting North Philadelphia from North Philadelphia.
  • Is there something more you want to say, Albert?
  • Oh, uh, yes. We're here because Doris has a problem.
  • - Oh, God. - Yes, she doesn't have any friends.
  • So we came here to tell everybody to be her friend.
  • That's very nice.
  • All right, kids. Power up.
  • Log on and access the Internet.
  • - Yes. Can I help you? - Uh, what is this?
  • Uh, why don't we put those down?
  • Two more laps.
  • Well, that was one of the more humiliating experiences of my life.
  • Look, I don't have friends because I don't want friends.
  • So if you guys would stop trying to help me, I would greatly appreciate it.
  • Hey, hey, hey! You run track?
  • Yeah, I do. My grandpa used to run track for Temple.
  • It was important to him, so I run.
  • - Well, are you fast? - No, I'm not.
  • - I'm lucky just to finish. - Hey, hey, hey. Don't think that way.
  • I'm sure you could win. And I'll be here to cheer you on.
  • - I'll see you next class. - Okay.
  • - Bye. - Who is that?
  • Oh, that's my sister Lauri. Well, not really my "sister" sister.
  • My foster sister. My family took her in last year.
  • Well, I'm gonna go get ready.
  • You guys just stay put. Don't walk. Don't talk. Don't do anything.
  • And I do not have a problem.
  • Hey, Fat Albert. You sick or somethin'?
  • I'm going to go talk to Doris's sister.
  • You know, about Doris's problem.
  • - Is he all right? - I don't know.
  • - I know you don't know. I wasn't talking to you. - I wasn't talking to you.
  • - Well, who-- - Guys, guys!
  • You're Lauri.
  • Yeah. Who are you?
  • I'm Fat Albert.
  • Well, Albert, is there something you want?
  • Wait. Don't rub it.
  • Oh, boy. That be some nice budda-bup.
  • You watch your mouth.
  • That better?
  • - Yeah. - My mother showed me how to do that.
  • She blew in his eye.
  • Uh, what does that mean?
  • - I don't know. - I know you don't know.
  • Guys, guys, guys!
  • So-- Doris tells me that you two are sisters.
  • I mean, not real sisters, but foster sisters.
  • Man, there's no way I'm letting that fat kid get over on Lauri.
  • See, Doris has this problem where I think that--
  • Albert-- I see you two have met.
  • He's an athlete, Arthur. Look.
  • - Yo. You sure, Reginald? - I'll talk to you later, Lauri.
  • I guess he came to try out for the track team.
  • I wonder what event, uh, he could participate in.
  • - The high hurdle. - Yo, the belly roll.
  • How about the ?
  • ? Do you want to race me, beefy boy?
  • You don't want to race Fat Albert.
  • Fat Albert?
  • - Yeah he's fat, but he's fast. - Fabby but fabba.
  • Okay. Well, let's see how fast you really are.
  • - I already know how fast I am. - Look, you got a problem with racing me?
  • I don't have a problem. I solve problems.
  • That's what he does.
  • Arthur!
  • Okay, okay. I'll race you, but...
  • - I can't take my clothes off. - Great.
  • 'Cause nobody want to see all that blubber anyways.
  • Yeah.
  • On your mark.
  • Get set. Go!
  • - Go, Fat Albert! Go! - Come on, Fat Albert!
  • - You're gaining on him! You're gaining on him!
  • Yeah!
  • You're doin' very well, Reggie. You run really fast.
  • Runnin' is good exercise, isn't it? Later.
  • Oh, crap!
  • You know what, Reggie? Even though you came in second place...
  • it doesn't mean you're not a winner too.
  • You haven't seen the last of me. Fat man!
  • Fat, fat, fat, fat!
  • Hey, yo.
  • Nobody makes a fool out of Reggie except for Reggie.
  • Let's hear it!
  • Yea!
  • How did you do that?
  • You were amazing.
  • Hey! Lauri, Doris, come on!
  • Let's move it!
  • Gotta go.
  • tomorrow. You're out of here.
  • Doris, Eliza, city finals are Saturday, and I want us ready.
  • This year I expect us to win.
  • Albert, hold up. Albert, stop running so fast. Slow down.
  • You think Lauri likes me?
  • Even though I'm fat.
  • Isn't it the person who matters and not how they look?
  • - Beats me. I don't know. - I never had a girlfriend.
  • You had a girlfriend?
  • Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought.
  • Albert, wait.
  • You know, she blew in my eye.
  • Fat Albert, try to stay focused.
  • - You got a problem to solve-- - I know that.
  • Look!
  • See. That's who we are.
  • Yeah. And we're coming out on "divda".'
  • - What's "divda"? - I don't know.
  • Don't start.
  • We don't belong here.
  • You-- You guys think we're losing a little color?
  • No, Mr. Worrywart.
  • Guys, I see cheerleaders.
  • Cheerleaders? Those are the most popular girls in school.
  • Well, come on! We gotta get 'em to be friends with Doris.
  • That'll solve everything.
  • Uh, excuse me.
  • Yeah? Who are you?
  • Well, I'm Fat Albert.
  • Is there something I can do for you, Fat Albert?
  • Well, it would be really nice if you could be friends with Doris.
  • - Excuse me? - You see, Doris doesn't have any friends...
  • - and we have to fix that and get her some. - Yeah.
  • Isn't that sweet?
  • I'll tell you what. Why don't you guys come to my party tonight.
  • Daddy's having the whole street blocked off.
  • - And you can bring Doris. - We'd love to have her come.
  • - Oh, okay. - You did it, Albert.
  • Hey, hey, hey! Fat Albert's gonna save the day.
  • Hey, ho!
  • You did what?
  • - We talked to Heather. - We told her about your problem.
  • Stop that!
  • What part of "I don't have a problem" don't you understand?
  • She invited you to her party.
  • - And she invited us too. - Isn't that great?
  • Well, she didn't want me to go before.
  • You want us to go back in the TV, don't you?
  • Are you threatening me?
  • Is it working?
  • - You really wanna go? - I'm a party animal.
  • - What about you? - Is Lauri gonna be there?
  • Please.
  • She really wants you to go.
  • Okay.
  • Okay, okay. Okay.
  • But first we have to go to the mall.
  • What's a mall?
  • Wow! It looks like an indoor town.
  • - All right. Everybody stay with... - Whoo!
  • me.
  • I don't even know why I'm doing this.
  • I mean, it's a party. I hate parties.
  • Hey, hey, hey!
  • Okay. You win.
  • Oh. You guys stay here.
  • I'm gonna try this on.
  • An arcade in a mall.
  • Is this a great country or what?
  • What did he just say?
  • You watch your mouth.
  • Ah, you rock, dude.
  • Hey, man. It's sayin' things.
  • Whoa! That was tight!
  • - Hey, man. How'd you do that? - I don't know. But it was tight.
  • Why don't you stay here and wait for Doris?
  • Sure. Great.
  • I mean, cool.
  • Okay. I'm gonna go check out the-- the Big and Tall.
  • Hey, you. If you're looking to buy, I'm your guy.
  • And for talking to me, you get a hat... for free.
  • Hey, hey, hey! I like free.
  • Now this is you.
  • - Wow. - Now, come on. Let's get this sweater--
  • Uh-- You know...
  • I can't take my sweater off because, uh--
  • I don't know what's underneath it.
  • Okay. Well...
  • let's put the jacket on over the sweater.
  • Oh, okay.
  • Okay?
  • - See how nicely this slims you? - You think so?
  • I know big, and you, my friend, are big.
  • And fat. I'm Fat Albert.
  • Well, when I'm done with you, you're gonna be Big Al.
  • That'll be $ . .
  • Uh, I-- I don't have any money.
  • - Why didn't you tell me that? - You didn't ask.
  • W--
  • ...and mobile snapshots.
  • It's 's ultimate communicating device.
  • I ba looka gooba.
  • - Hey, I look good too. - Soba-soba.
  • How come you never give me any compliments?
  • Ooba gooba looba loo.
  • Thanks. Ooh.
  • Thanks. Ooh.
  • Hey, Bucky, look!
  • They still jump rope.
  • What are we waiting for?
  • They call that double Dutch.
  • Doris, where did you learn to jump rope like that?
  • - That was fantastic. - Oh, it's just something my grandpa taught me.
  • No big deal. Lots of kids are better.
  • All right. Enough fun for one day. I think we can go home now.
  • Yeah! Let's go! All right! Hey, hey, hey!
  • I guess I showed him.
  • Nobody messes with me or Fat Albert.
  • He's never comin' back.
  • So the junkyard is goin' to be ours!
  • Ours! Ours!
  • - Ow! - So long, sucker!
  • Get back here, you little--
  • - They call that singing? - No, they call that talking.
  • Whatever they call it, I like it.
  • Man, it's somethin' out here.
  • Yeah, it's fast out here.
  • It is nice out here.
  • What about our world? We always had fun there.
  • Yeah, but that was before we came out here.
  • Yeah, and here nobody has to write it in for us to have fun.
  • - We don't belong here. - Bill may be right.
  • You guys see the picture me and Mushmouth took at the mall?
  • - I think we lost some color since then. - Whubba?
  • - Holy cow. - Hey, hey, hey.
  • It's just a picture.
  • Pictures aren't real.
  • Neither are we.
  • I can't believe Dumb Donald is right.
  • We aren't real, and I think we're fading.
  • Hey, hey, hey. We're not fading.
  • Stop being such a downer.
  • Doris, you look great.
  • You look tight.
  • - What'd you just say? - I learned it in the mall.
  • Oh. Well, don't talk that way about Doris.
  • You-- You really think I look okay?
  • When you walk into the party, people are gonna notice.
  • So, Lauri, do you think that I could be a Big Al...
  • instead of a Fat Albert?
  • You can be anything you wanna be.
  • Thank you.
  • Uh, can I get you a soda or something?
  • You're so sweet.
  • But you just got me a soda.
  • Oh, yeah. Right.
  • You're very nice...
  • Big Al.
  • - I'll go get you a soda. - But--
  • Hey, Rudy.
  • - Hey, Darren. - Check this out, man.
  • - Nice hat. - Right back at ya.
  • What are you doing?
  • - I'm-- - You, uh, wouldn't happen to be hiding, now, would you?
  • Now, Doris, come on.
  • Just take a chance and go for it.
  • You know, there's something about you.
  • Something very familiar.
  • Hey, hey, hey. You watch me every day.
  • Now let's go. We have got some partying to do.
  • Some partying? Nobody ever asks to dance with me anyway.
  • Tsk. Well, they will...
  • tonight.
  • - You do one, Mushmouth. - "Mushmouth"!
  • - Knock, knock. - Who's "theres"?
  • Hebbada, hebba, dabbada and bedebada...
  • and bada dubba.
  • - What-- What he say? - I don't know.
  • Oh, they're making fun of him.
  • Maybe we should leave.
  • Yo, yo, yo. What up, everybody?
  • Yo, Viper.
  • How we doin' tonight? I mean, is this party off the hook or what? What's up, y'all?
  • Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.
  • So, look. I've got a big, fat treat for y'all.
  • And, uh, coincidentally, uh, his name is, uh, Fat Albert.
  • Ignore him, Albert. He's just trying to humiliate you.
  • Come on up here and, uh, say a few words to the crowd, uh, Fat Albert.
  • No, no. Albert, don't.
  • Why not?
  • Lauri'll never talk to him after this. Trust me.
  • All right, all right.
  • Thank you.
  • Where's the cord?
  • Sit down, big guy.
  • There is no cord, uh, my oversized friend.
  • What you got to say, big man?
  • I'm gonna sing a song.
  • Please, no.
  • Okay.
  • Viper, why don't you hook him up with a little groove?
  • Hook him up.
  • Hook him up.
  • Hey, hey, hey! It's Fa-a-a-a-t Albert!
  • - Albert can sing? - I sure hope so.
  • Well, aren't you the hip-hop fool.
  • Go, Albert.
  • Go. Go. Go. Go.
  • Go. Go, Albert. Go. Go.
  • Hey, yo, I'm not so sure this was such a good idea, Reg.
  • Shut up, dummy! There's something strange about those kids though. I'm--
  • Go. Go. Go. Go.
  • Heb-- Hebbo.
  • Heba, baby.
  • I don't know what I'm saying.
  • That's great.
  • Look at him.
  • I know what Lauri's doin'. She's just dancing with him to make me jealous.
  • - Yeah. - Yeah.
  • Yeah?
  • Yeah. Man.
  • Havin' a good time?
  • It's okay.
  • So, uh, you see anyone you'd like to dance with?
  • Hey, sweet thing. Wanna dance?
  • Reggie, no.
  • Please, Reggie, don't.
  • - Aw, come on, baby. Don't be like that. - I said stop it, Reggie!
  • Hey, you should be glad I even danced with you!
  • Hey, man. You're like school on Saturday. No class.
  • I knew I should've never come to this party.
  • Rudy, be a gentleman. See how Doris is doing.
  • Hey.
  • You stay away from her...
  • or you're gonna have to deal with me.
  • Right. Uh, next time.
  • Lauri, wait. Lauri.
  • Doris. Doris, would you please wait?
  • Doris.
  • - We thought we were helping. - Helping what?
  • I don't have a problem.
  • I was doing just fine before you guys arrived.
  • So, uh, do you have, like, a special guy or somethin'?
  • No, I don't have time for boys.
  • Anyway, I'm better off working on my writing.
  • - Oh, you want to be a writer? - Mm-hmm.
  • Since I was a little girl.
  • - I want to tell stories. - Really? What kind?
  • I don't know. I guess...
  • kind of personal stuff.
  • You know, maybe about how a person feels because...
  • their parents... are no longer around.
  • Sorry about that.
  • I miss them-- a lot.
  • Sometimes it hurts so bad, I don't want to care about anyone again.
  • You know what? You should be walking on this side of the street.
  • Why?
  • Is that some kind of macho thing?
  • No, it's just, you know, the gentleman should walk on the side with the traffic.
  • That way, if a car, like, splashes mud...
  • or jumps the curb, he can push the woman out of the way.
  • - You know what I'm saying? - Okay.
  • Oh, uh, I-- I-- We're here.
  • - It's your house. - Yeah.
  • You can go inside now.
  • Um, thanks for walking me home.
  • Well, good night.
  • You know, uh, allow me.
  • You are such a gentleman. My Big Al.
  • Me and you. B.F.F.?
  • B.F.F.?
  • "Best friends forever."
  • Are you okay?
  • I'm fine. I had no business going to that party.
  • - I should have never listened to Albert and-- - What is with you?
  • Ever since your grandpa passed away, you're not the same.
  • It's like you've given up.
  • You know, the guys were just trying to help.
  • I suppose you're right.
  • Well, at least you had a good time.
  • So, what's with you and Albert?
  • Oh. He seems nice.
  • Why don't we invite him to the track meet on Saturday?
  • Um, I don't think Albert's gonna be here on Saturday.
  • Where will he be?
  • Uh, I don't know.
  • - Besides, the fewer people who see me run, the better. - Doris...
  • you've got to start believing in yourself.
  • You used to be one of the fastest runners on the team.
  • Good night, Lauri.
  • Good night.
  • - Morning, Doris. - Hey, Doris!
  • Rudy says that you're mad at us. Are you?
  • No. It wasn't your fault. I should have known better than to go to that party.
  • Wait. You guys haven't been here all night, have you?
  • No. We just got here a little early. We didn't want to miss goin' to school with you.
  • I see.
  • Look, you guys, I don't think you should go to school with me.
  • I think people are getting suspicious.
  • - Uh, well, that-- that's cool. Yeah. We understand. - Yeah.
  • Um, is Lauri home?
  • No. She had an early class.
  • Are you guys okay? You look a little... pale.
  • - A little washed out. - Washed out?
  • Well, I don't know. Anyway...
  • if you guys get bored, there's a park, like, two blocks that way.
  • So I'll see you later on. . Showtime. I knew it. She's right. We are fading.
  • Stop worrying. I mean, we can't do anything about it anyway.
  • - We have to wait until : . - To the park.
  • Yeah, bu--
  • New school.
  • Okay.
  • Old Weird Harold, you ever play basketball before?
  • Not that I remember.
  • You caught it! That was amazing!
  • The only thing you ever caught before was a cold.
  • Hey, man. You wanna play?
  • We could use another guy for three on three.
  • I lba stayba wayba.
  • All right.
  • Exercise equipment. How cool is that?
  • I'll see you guys later. I'm goin'to the school library.
  • You can't read.
  • I can now. I think.
  • Okay. But don't be late. . - To the library! - To the slide!
  • Come on!
  • Come on.
  • Yeah. Come on.
  • Hebbie deboe.
  • What are you saying?
  • - He-- Hebbie deboe. - Are you saying hello?
  • - Yebba. - You talk funny.
  • - Baba baloomba. - No.
  • - Balloon. - Babaloomba.
  • Don't you get it? Ba-loon. Say "ba".
  • - Ba. - Now say "loon".
  • Uh, loon?
  • Now say "ba-loon".
  • - Ba-loon. - Exactly.
  • - Balloon. - You've got it.
  • Balloon, balloon, balloon.
  • Oh, thank you. This is great.
  • Madam, it has been my extreme pleasure talking with your daughter.
  • She taught me how to say balloon. Balloon!
  • Well, I'm very happy for you.
  • Come on, honey.
  • Sweetheart, how many times have I told you not to talk to strangers?
  • He's not strange, Mommy. He's Mushmouth.
  • Goodup byebee.
  • Hey, man. Look at Old Weird Harold.
  • He's shooting.
  • He's dunkin'.
  • And he's not falling.
  • He's not clumsy anymore.
  • - Mushmouth, you can speak. - Don't call me Mushmouth.
  • Uh, what should we call you?
  • J ust call me... Mouth.
  • Don't call me Old Weird Harold anymore.
  • I'm Air Harold now.
  • - Dumb Donald. - Hmm?
  • What are you doing here? We've gotta go.
  • I'm readin' African-American history. I'm on volume .
  • - But I thought you were dumb. - Well, that's when I was a cartoon.
  • I'm actually feeling pretty smart now.
  • And I bet I'll feel even smarter without this dumb-lookin' hat.
  • Oh, you've got a nice face.
  • I do?
  • I do! I have a nice face!
  • - No. Shh. No. - Everybody, look! I got a nice face!
  • - No. I'm so sorry. Shh! - Everybody, I have a nice face.
  • No! Dumb Donald!
  • My name is Mouth.
  • - What'd I just say? - Your name is Mouth.
  • Isn't this great? You understand me.
  • I do believe I like it out here very much.
  • - Me too. - Me three.
  • - Hey, man. What's up? - Hey. Nice outfit.
  • Yeah, I figure, with this new hot look, be getting all the girls.
  • I hear you, man. Somethin' I been living with for years.
  • Hey, man, your colors. They're fading.
  • You need to chill with that bleach, man. I'll see you later.
  • - Oh, no. - What's wrong?
  • It's gettin' worse.
  • We're not just losing our color. Look at my hand.
  • I can see through it.
  • It's fading away.
  • I'm scared.
  • - I wanna go home. - Me too.
  • Oh! My goodness.
  • Oh, my. I can see his behind.
  • My behind?
  • So that's what one looks like.
  • Looks like it's broken.
  • Let's go. We have a problem to fix.
  • Uh, surround him.
  • We can't let anybody see his behind.
  • I told y'all. We gotta get back to where we belong.
  • Let's go.
  • - Where are we going? - To the junkyard.
  • You come back here, you!
  • Get over here! I'm not done with you yet!
  • Come out of there, you little thing, you!
  • Okay by me.
  • I can stay here until the show starts.
  • And then we're playing buck-buck.
  • All my guys against you.
  • And when we beat you, all this will be ours!
  • Ours! Ours!
  • That's our theme song! You guys can't sing it.
  • I knew I could find some paint around here somewhere.
  • Oh, man!
  • Now he has a green naked behind.
  • What are you doin' here?
  • Dumb Donald.
  • - You have a face. - Isn't it nice?
  • Great. He's got a face. Now let's go.
  • The show's already started, and you guys gotta get your behinds back in the TV.
  • - But no looking. - At what?
  • Never you mind. Just no lookin'.
  • I have never seen anyone move so slow.
  • Hurry up. The show's almost over.
  • Well, we-- we-- Why you trying to squeeze me?
  • All right.
  • - Watch my behind. My behind. - Bucky, Bucky.
  • Help! Fat Albert, you gotta help!
  • They're gonna take over our show.
  • Okay, Russell. We're comin'. Okay, Bucky, come on. You first.
  • Since you got the you-know-what hanging out.
  • When I count to three...
  • close your eyes.
  • Three!
  • They're back! They're back! My pants are back!
  • Yeah, but you're still Bucky.
  • Well, I'll be glad to get back where I can take it to the hole.
  • - Uh-oh! - Dominate in the paint and score at will.
  • - All right, Harold. - You're the man, Harold.
  • Hey, boy, pull your pants up.
  • - Okay, who's next? - I'll go.
  • I've become smart enough to understand that we're fading away...
  • because we've entered into a world where we do not belong.
  • But if you try to become something that you're not...
  • you lose the essence of who you really are.
  • Then go. Go.
  • Oooh, eyeballs! Eyeballs! Floating eyeballs!
  • - Where is your face, man? - What happened to his face?
  • He always wore a hat in the cartoon, so nobody ever drew him a whole face.
  • Put the hat on, Dumb Donald! Put the hat on!
  • Ah, that was a close one.
  • - Well, well, well. Interesting, right? - Yeah.
  • All right. Well, who's next?
  • How about you?
  • Oh, uh, I've decided, uh, I'm gonna have to stay.
  • - No, you're not. - No. You're not.
  • We interrupt this program to bring you a special news broadcast.
  • No! You missed it again.
  • Hey, hey, hey. We can make it another day.
  • - And how do you know? Have you ever faded before? - Oh, we'll be fine.
  • You don't care if we're fine.
  • All you care about is staying here with Lauri.
  • Lauri is important to me.
  • Maybe it's time I started caring about myself.
  • I don't even know who you are anymore.
  • Hey, hey, hey. I said I'm gonna stay.
  • Hey, hey, hey! Friends don't let friends fade away.
  • Don't use my lines on me. Besides, I haven't solved Doris's problem yet.
  • But I don't have a problem!
  • - Yes, you do! - No, I don't!
  • You think I came out of the TV just for you to tell me you don't have a problem?
  • - I'm fine! - You were watching a happy, fun TV show.
  • Stop it! Stop it! This isn't about her problem! It's about yours!
  • Hey, guys.
  • - Oh, hi. - Hi, Lauri.
  • - Where are the rest of the guys? - They went back.
  • In the tele-- Ow!
  • I got some free passes for the fair tonight.
  • Albert, do you want to go?
  • That would be fantastic.
  • How about you, Doris? Will you come?
  • I don't know.
  • Please?
  • Okay.
  • I just need tonight. J ust one night.
  • One last night with Lauri.
  • Well, I'm gonna meet you at the girls' house.
  • I told Lauri I'd pick her up at the library.
  • I feel really bad for him.
  • Let's make his last night here one he'll always remember.
  • How about one all of us will remember?
  • You're right.
  • Well, we're gonna need some wheels.
  • I mean, we've got to ride to the fair in style.
  • Ladies, your chariot awaits.
  • It's okay.
  • Rudy, have you lost your mind?
  • Albert-- Let's roll.
  • Uh, you mean start it up?
  • Yep.
  • Doris.
  • This is all... just a little joke...
  • right, guys?
  • Uh, Albert, why don't you, uh, turn on the radio?
  • Okay, Albert, give her some gas.
  • - Some gas? - Gas.
  • - It's moving! - Yeah.
  • Well, it is a car.
  • We're having a good time. That's all I want to know.
  • This is so much fun. And thanks for winning this for me.
  • Hey, hey, hey. Anytime, any day.
  • These have been two of the greatest days of my life.
  • How come Fat Albert and Rudy have girls, and I just have you?
  • Are you sure they don't want something?
  • Oh, they don't eat. I mean, they don't eat much.
  • Albert sure looks like he eats.
  • So, um, are you ready for the track meet tomorrow?
  • Do you think they're sick?
  • They look kind of washed out to me.
  • No. No, that's just too much bleach in their clothes.
  • Hey, Albert, if you like Lauri, you gotta take her on a roller coaster.
  • That's the best thing to take a girl on, because while the ride is goin' on...
  • they get so scared, they want you to hold 'em.
  • And then when the roller coaster goes around the corner...
  • they fall up against you and everything.
  • Okay, watch me.
  • Okay, say you're a girl and you're on a roller coaster.
  • I'm not sayin' I'm a girl on a roller coaster.
  • What's wrong with you, man? Why don't you say you're a girl on a roller coaster by yourself?
  • I'm just tryin' to show Albert something.
  • - Where'd Albert go? - Oh, he-- he's with the girls.
  • Lauri, you wanna go on the roller coaster?
  • Sure.
  • Go, Albert.
  • - Can I ask you a question? - Sure.
  • If I didn't have to go back--
  • I mean, if I was a real person, would you--
  • Would I what?
  • Would you go out with me?
  • - You mean like on a date? - Yeah.
  • But we are on a date.
  • That's right. Cool.
  • You were so scared.
  • - I wasn't scared. I just looked scared... - Mm-hmm.
  • 'cause my cheeks were wrapped around my ears...
  • and my eyelids went up over my head and everything.
  • - Wanna go again? - Um, y-you go ahead.
  • Be right back.
  • - You're Fat Albert! - Hey, hey, hey.
  • What are you doin' here? You're supposed to be on TV.
  • These bad kids keep chasing Russell.
  • He needs you. We all need you.
  • What will Mr. Cosby think if you don't go back?
  • - Come on, Emmitt. We gotta go. - Dad, it's Fat Albert!
  • Uh, come on, son. Mom's waiting.
  • But, Dad, it's really Fat Albert.
  • I know. I know. Who's Fat Albert?
  • I think this is the real thing.
  • He's charming, bright, a gentleman.
  • And he's the first guy I've met in a long time...
  • I feel I can trust.
  • The kind of guy that will always be here for me.
  • Get one ring on the bottle, and you win a prize!
  • Nobody's a loser. Everybody's a winner.
  • People wait till you get to the top of the stairs, then they knock.
  • - Who is it?! - It's Fat Albert.
  • Yeah, right.
  • Hello. I'm looking for Mr. Cosby.
  • Are you his dad?
  • I'm- I'm Fat Albert.
  • Whoa! Uh-- Help! He--
  • I'm sorry, Mr. Cosby. I didn't mean to startle you.
  • - You okay? - No, that's all right, son. Thank you. My boy...
  • how did you get into this predicament?
  • Well, I-I-I crawled out of the TV set.
  • Crawled out of the TV set. Uh, well, how?
  • I- I crawled out of there because I heard her crying.
  • - Who-- Who'd ya heard? - I heard Doris.
  • - Doris. - She was sitting on the couch, and she was crying.
  • - Doris who? - Doris Robertson.
  • Doris Robertson?
  • - Yeah. - Do you know where they live?
  • Uh, North Philly.
  • Albert Robertson...
  • is Doris Robertson's grandfather.
  • He died some time ago.
  • I designed your character after Albert Robertson.
  • And you heard her spirit...
  • and you crawled through the set?
  • - I-- I guess so. - Well, that's just fine, son!
  • All you have to do is you just crawl back into the set.
  • - I don't want to go back into the set. - We're ready to go.
  • - Hey, hey, hey. - Yeah, hey, hey, hey. I want to stay!
  • Oh, ho, ho. No, you can't do that. See, you're a cartoon.
  • You're a cartoon, and you have your fellas waiting for you to do more stories.
  • Your fans are waiting to see you on TV so you can solve problems.
  • Oh, no, I don't want to go back into the TV.
  • What do you mean, you don't want to go back?
  • - No, I want to stay here in the real world. - You can't--
  • You can't stay out here.
  • You stay out here...
  • you're gonna turn into celluloid dust.
  • - Lauri. - Albert?
  • What are you doing here?
  • Uh, I need to talk to you.
  • I'll meet you downstairs.
  • Oh, Lord.
  • - Oh, my. - Lauri--
  • Albert? Are you okay?
  • Hey, hey, hey. Fallin' is easy.
  • It's gettin' up that's the hard part.
  • - Now just roll me over. No. Don't take me. - Okay.
  • Grab onto my-- Oh! You're tickling me.
  • So, what's this about?
  • Uh, well, I came here to tell you...
  • that I can no longer be your B.F.F.
  • - I can only be your B.F.U.T. - B.F.U.T.?
  • Yeah, "best friend until tomorrow".
  • - What are you talking about? - All right, I don't just look like Fat Albert.
  • - I am Fat Albert. - So?
  • - I'm really the guy in the cartoon. - Cartoon?
  • The Fat Albert show. You know, "hey, hey, hey".
  • It's a cartoon.
  • See, when I told you I would stay forever...
  • I didn't know that I was fading.
  • Now I'm this fading cartoon character...
  • and if I don't go back into the TV...
  • I'm gonna turn into a big pile of powdered celluloid.
  • You know, it's almost funny.
  • Every time someone says they care about me...
  • - they wind up leaving me. - No, no, Lauri.
  • Wait. No, Lauri. Lauri!
  • You-- You can't let fear keep you from caring about someone.
  • - Albert. - Yes?
  • Get some help.
  • Wa-- Lauri, wai--
  • How could you possibly believe that Albert's a cartoon character?
  • It's all true, Lauri.
  • Doris, no one came out of our TV set.
  • Those guys, Albert's friends...
  • they're very strange.
  • I think they could be some kind of cult.
  • - Someday you'll understand. - What I understand...
  • is that we have a track meet tomorrow, so let's go to sleep.
  • Go, A.H.S., yeah!
  • Runners, take your marks!
  • Set!
  • - Nice race. - Thanks.
  • Come on, guys. Hurry up!
  • Come on, guys. Hurry up!
  • The bad guys are comin' back for a buck-buck buck-off.
  • I'm coming, Bucky.
  • When I get back, I'll show everybody how well I can speak.
  • And then they won't laugh at me anymore.
  • Hey, Fat Albee! I mean, Fat-a-boo!
  • Aw, frit!
  • Well, Doris, if I ever come back out of that TV again...
  • I'll be calling you.
  • I'll be waiting.
  • Okay, Bill, you're next.
  • Arthur, learn the handshake.
  • - Why don't you go first? - I just need a moment alone with Doris.
  • See you in the junkyard.
  • Hey, Russell, you know what? I'm actually happy to see you.
  • Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still telling Mom on you.
  • Well, uh, I guess I have to go back to the way I was.
  • But if I could stay, I would be so happy...
  • to be the best that I was capable of being.
  • It's funny. It seems like I know you--
  • have known you... for a long time.
  • Maybe you have. Maybe you have.
  • All right. Come on now. We gotta get you back to the track.
  • You got a relay race to run.
  • Go for it.
  • Come on, Fat Albert! We need you!
  • No, not yet.
  • I finally understand why I had to come out here.
  • Don't. You won't be back in time. You cannot last another day.
  • I have to help her.
  • It's time for Doris to believe in herself again.
  • You're fading, man! You cannot--
  • Guys, listen up.
  • Now, we win this relay, we win the meet. All right?
  • - Yori, you're first leg as usual. - All right.
  • Lisa, I'm taking you off of third leg and putting you on second leg.
  • - Okay. - Go, Lisa!
  • Lauri, you're third leg. And, Doris, you're anchor.
  • All right, come on! Let's do this now!
  • Go, Archers!
  • Yeah, come on, guys!
  • Anchor? But you're always anchor. How could Coach make me anchor?
  • - Lauri! - It was Albert's idea.
  • You're not a loser.
  • Come on.
  • We've got spirit! Yes, we do!
  • We've got spirit! How about you?
  • - Come on! Come on! - Set!
  • Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
  • Run, Doris! Run!
  • - What are you doing here? - You can win!
  • Someone get that fat kid off the track!
  • Okay. Now go.
  • Run, Doris! Run! You can win!
  • Come on. Come on.
  • - Yeah. - We won!
  • We won! We won! You did it!
  • No, we did it.
  • Oh, come on. We gotta go.
  • Where are we going?
  • Oh, Albert, you never should've come.
  • - What's going on? - I have to get him in the TV before the show ends.
  • - Doris, don't start. - Can't you see he's fading?
  • So we meet again.
  • - Fat Albert. - Fat.
  • Reggie, leave him alone. He's not, uh, feeling well.
  • Hey, everybody, listen up!
  • This fat fool is not what he appears to be.
  • Come on, Albert.
  • Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh, where do you think you're going, fat man?
  • It's you and me.
  • Hey, hey, hey. Get out of our way.
  • Okay.
  • So I guess you won't mind if we borrow this.
  • Anything you want.
  • - Come on. - Doris, I don't know about this. Wait, Doris. Lauri.
  • Are you sure we should be on this? Oh!
  • Look, Lauri! Doris! Lauri!
  • - Doris! Whoa, stairs. - Hey!
  • Stand back!
  • Oh, sorry. I just can't stop. Sorry.
  • Nice meeting you. Whoa! Whoa!
  • So sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry.
  • Oh, thank you.
  • - Hello. - No, no, no!
  • Hey, yo, man!
  • Are you okay?
  • Hey, hey, hey. Flyin' is easy.
  • I- It's the landing that's hard.
  • Fat Albert!
  • Hurry! The show's almost over. We need you.
  • Okay, Bill. I'm comin'. Now get back in the set.
  • - Pretty amazing, huh? - How could this be?
  • Hurry up. You've gotta go.
  • Albert, wait.
  • I don't understand any of this.
  • I never meant to hurt you, Lauri.
  • Will you ever come back?
  • If there's any way that I can, I will.
  • But in the meantime, we'll always have North Philly.
  • And I'll always have my Big Al.
  • Albert, wait!
  • I finally figured out who you remind me of.
  • You remind me of my grandpa.
  • Hey, hey, hey. That's a nice thing to say.
  • I love you, Doris.
  • I love you too.
  • What is that? A piece of paper?
  • No, man. That's a paper clip.
  • I'll see you girls through the TV.
  • We have 'em! We're the buck-buck champions!
  • - We still have 'em. - Okay, lift. Okay, now push.
  • Now push together.
  • Fa-a-a-a-t Albert! He loves to hear us call his name.
  • Hey, hey, hey. Who wants to play?
  • Fat Albert, you got a problem to solve.
  • I just saw Danielle. She said she was quittin' school and running away from home.
  • - Hey, Danielle.
  • - What do you want?
  • - You can't quit school and run away.
  • - What's it to you?
  • - Well, I care about you.
  • - Well, don't.
  • Every time someone says they care about me, they wind up leaving me.
  • But, Danielle, you can't let fear, um--
  • He better not be doing this again.
  • You can't let fear keep you from caring about someone... because caring about someone is wonderful.
  • A person you can think about, and they think about you... and you both know you're thinking about each other.
  • And it-- it's just fantastic to know... that there's somebody out there in the world... thinking about you.
  • Hey, hey, hey!
  • It's Fa-a-a-a-t Albert!
  • Oh, my legs!
  • Hey! Hey! Hey!
  • Let go of my legs!
  • - Grab his socks!
  • - Let go of my legs! I gotta help these people.
  • Why, look at that guy.
  • Ooh, look at his--
  • Yeah, you can't tell me he doesn't need my help.
  • Check out that lady over there.
  • Do I detect tears?
  • Eh, you in the back!
  • Where are you goin'?
  • It's not over!
  • You gotta watch the end credits.

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