Granny Smith: Hey, silly goose! Quit your gawkin' and move your caboose!
Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
Apple Bloom: Ready, Granny!
Granny Smith: Ready for what?
Apple Bloom: For makin' zap apple jam!
Granny Smith: Darn tootin'! It's time for some good old-fashioned zap apple jammin'!
Apple Bloom: Yes, ma'am. I can't wait, ma'am!
Granny Smith: [pause] Wait for what?
Apple Bloom: To make zap apple jam with you!
Granny Smith: O'course. Now I been doing this ever since I was a little pony, so be warned, pickle pear. There's a whole mess o' steps in this process and you gots to get each one of them just right, or no zap apple jam. Take this.
Apple Bloom: Uh, is this one of your gazillion secret herbal ingredients for the zap apple jam?
Granny Smith: That there's a broom. Now get sweepin', pipsqueak! Now while you sweep, I'll get to, uh... something there... umm... Oh, ponyfeathers. Bet I'd forget my mane if it wasn't attached to my head.
Big McIntosh: [sniffs]
Applejack: There's the zap apple leaves, right on schedule!
Granny Smith: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L-M-N-O-P...
Diamond Tiara: [laughs]
Granny Smith: Well, howdy-doo there, Filthy Rich!
Filthy Rich: Hello, Mrs. Smith. Did I hear right that there's a zap apple harvest coming in a few days?
Granny Smith: Four days, to be exact.
Filthy Rich: Excellent news, and as usual, I get your first hundred jars?
Granny Smith: 'Course, Filthy.
Filthy Rich: Uh, I prefer Rich.
Granny Smith: Oh, and how is your pappy doin'?
Diamond Tiara: Oh, you poor, poor thing, having to make all that zap apple jam with Granny Smith.
Apple Bloom: Actually, I been looking forward to making zap apple jam for years!
Diamond Tiara: I'm not talking about the jam. I'm talking about Granny Smith! You must be sooo embarrassed.
Granny Smith: [muffled] Soup's on!
Apple Bloom: Uh, what do ya mean?
Diamond Tiara: You know, with all her silly ways, how she forgets things, and makes you wear these ridiculous costumes?
Apple Bloom: Granny said that the water needs–
Diamond Tiara: Thank goodness you're here on the farm and not in town where everypony could see you. [hushed] Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
Apple Bloom: "Silly ways"?
Granny Smith: Uh, thank you kindly, Filthy!
Granny Smith: Shake a leg there, slowpoke! We got a gaggle's worth of goods to gather before the harvest. Come on! [singing to the tune of "Skip to My Lou"] Gonna make zap apple jam, hoop-dee-hoo! Gatherin' my goodies now, hoop-dee-hee! Singin' and dancin', diddley-hoo, flippity-floo, my darlin! [voice cracks] They don't make 'em like they used to. [chomp]
Daisy: Hey! You bite it, you buy it!
Granny Smith: [muffled] Whoo! Why, hello, Bea, Beatrice, Beecher! Ooh, you've all been busy little bees, haven't you? [buzzes]
Apple Bloom: Granny, isn't there a less... silly way to get the honey? [gasps]
Granny Smith: Oh, isn't this just precious?
Apple Bloom: Please stop!
Granny Smith: And it is perfect for makin' our zap apple jam!
Apple Bloom: Shh! Stop it, Granny!
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: [laughing]
Apple Bloom: Granny, please! Those ponies over there are watchin' me!
Granny Smith: What? Are those fillies your friends? Hello, Half-pint's friends!
Granny Smith: What dolls. Why, when I was little, ponies didn't come that purdy.
Apple Bloom: Are we done shopping, Granny? 'Cause I'd like to get back to the farm, fast.
Granny Smith: All done, smellybelly. [singing] I got my honey, gooey-goo! Got my honey, gooey-ooh! Got my honey, iddley-hoo!
Fillies: [snoring under]
Filthy Rich: And, by capturing the whole sale market, purchasing in bulk and slashing all prices, we undermine every other gift market in town, and that's how Rich's Barnyard Bargains became the cornerstone of retail in Ponyville.
Diamond Tiara: [clapping]
Cheerilee: Well, thank you, Mr. Filthy—I mean, Mr. Rich. What a wonderful day of sharing! And thank you for being a part of Family Appreciation Day! Now, uh, let's see who will be bringing in a family member for next Monday's Family Appreciation Day. Um... Oh! Apple Bloom!
Apple Bloom: But Miss Cheerilee. Monday is zap apple harvest day, and Applejack and Big McIntosh will be too busy to come and speak.
Cheerilee: Well, is there anypony else in your family that could–
Diamond Tiara: Miss Cheerilee. Apple Bloom's Granny Smith isn't working harvest. She could come.
Apple Bloom: Oh! But, uh, no, that wouldn't–
Cheerilee: That's a splendid idea, Diamond Tiara! Apple Bloom, you shall bring in Granny Smith on Monday.
Cheerilee: Have a great weekend, everypony!
Apple Bloom: Granny Smith? Come Monday, I'll be the laughin' stock of Ponyville!
Applejack: I'm sorry, Apple Bloom. I already told you that we just can't take a break from harvest to come to your school. You know what'll happen.
Apple Bloom: I know... After the fifth day, the zap apples disappear...
Granny Smith: Look! The third sign! Right on time! Hot diggity!
[electricity crackling and popping]
Apple family: Wow!
Granny Smith: Alright, you lazy daisies, move your caboose!
Applejack: I'm sorry, Apple Bloom, but don't you fret. Granny Smith's got no shortage of entertainin' stories to tell.
Apple Bloom: I know. That's what I'm worried about.
Apple Bloom: I'll be embarrassed, shamed, disgraced, mortified, humiliate–
Scootaloo: What are you, a dictionary?
Sweetie Belle: Snap out of it. We're here to help you!
Scootaloo: After all, we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders. We'll figure out a way to postpone your presentation.
Apple Bloom: But how? Ugh! All this worry is makin' me sick!
Sweetie Belle: Sick?
Scootaloo: That's it! C'mon!
Granny Smith: Ten-hut! Now listen here, troops! Now, I don't want any whinin' or cryin' or crackin' under pressure! Do I make myself clear!?
Granny Smith: Court-martialed!
Scootaloo: Stay still, Apple Bloom! You have to look sick!
Apple Bloom: Aaah! [muffled] Hey, this is hot!
Granny Smith: What in the hayseed is going on in there, silly billy?
Scootaloo: Oh, Granny Smith! We were just about to come get you!
Sweetie Belle: Apple Bloom's sick! Looks like she might have to stay home all week!
Granny Smith: [mumbles] Ooh! Perfect as a Piccadilly pear!
Apple Bloom: Now what?
Apple Bloom: It's already almost sundown! Tomorrow is Sunday, and I only have one more day to figure something out!
Sweetie Belle: Hey! Look!
Apple Bloom: That's the fourth sign!
Apple Bloom: The zap apples have appeared!
Sweetie Belle: And that gives me an idea!
Sweetie Belle: We can't move Family Appreciation Day, so let's move harvest day instead!
Apple Bloom: They don't look... quite ripe.
Scootaloo: Harvesting apples early never hurt an apple.
Apple Bloom: I don't know... Zap apple trees aren't like normal apple trees. They're magic.
Sweetie Belle: How different can they be?
Apple Bloom: Well if we can't buck 'em, let's just pick 'em!
Cutie Mark Crusaders: [sounds of exertion]
Apple Bloom: Any other bright ideas?
Cheerilee: Granny Smith, it's Miss Cheerilee! Apple Bloom said you wanted to speak with me?... Hello? Granny Smi–
Apple Bloom: [mimicking Granny Smith] Well hello there! Howdydoo!
Cheerilee: Hi... uh... Granny Smith... is, ugh, everything okay?
Apple Bloom: [mimicking Granny Smith] Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be?
Granny Smith: [snores, continues under]
Apple Bloom: [mimicking Granny Smith] Oh, er, excuse me. Uh, pickles always give me the hiccups! I need to tell you that I can't make the presentation on Monday after all!
Cheerilee: Oh no, is that so?
Apple Bloom: [mimicking Granny Smith] No doubts about it! I gotta shear the flowers and water the sheep! I mean, I have to water the flowers and shear the sheep!
Cheerilee: Oh, well, that's too bad. We can reschedule.
Granny Smith: E- whut- hai- where am I? Well, howdy, Miss Cheerilee! You window shopping?
Cheerilee: Uh... no? You asked me to come here to tell me that you wouldn't be making it to Family Appreciation Day?
Granny Smith: Fiddlesticks! I wouldn't miss it for all the tea in Canterlot!
Cheerilee: But- didn't you just say...?
Granny Smith: See you Monday!
Apple Bloom: [sighs] I can't believe she woke up from her nap. She never wakes up from her nap! [muffled] I wish I could just run off and hide!
Sweetie Belle: Well, you can't run off... but maybe somepony else can!
[wind blowing, lightning cracking]
Granny Smith: Yee-haw!
Applejack: The zap apple harvest has begun!
Granny Smith: And tomorrow we will be makin' up some zap apple jam!
Scootaloo: [in deeper voice] Miss Granny Smith? Telegram.
Granny Smith: Well, bust my buttons. Uncle Apple Strudel wants me to pay him a visit.
Apple Bloom: And you can just make the 8AM train. I already packed you a bag!
Granny Smith: Well, that was considerate.
Apple Bloom: [slaps]
Granny Smith: But don't you worry, flibbertigibbet! I'll be back in time to make that jam!
Apple Bloom: [sighs] That train ride takes all day. I'm safe. Hah.
Cheerilee: For today's Family Appreciation Day, we are pleased to welcome Granny Smith. Um... Apple Bloom? Is Granny Smith here?
Apple Bloom: Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Cheerilee, but she got called out of town on account of a family emergency–
Granny Smith: Well, howdy, my little ponies!
Granny Smith: Howdy, y'all! I'm as happy as a pig in a fresh mudpile to be here!
Apple Bloom: Whuh- what are you doing here? Did you miss the train?
Granny Smith: Er, no, it came. And Uncle Apple Strudel was on it.
Apple Strudel: Ooooooh, noogie-noogie-noggie! [laughs madly]
Diamond Tiara: I can't wait to hear Granny Smith's presentation. [hushed] If she can remember any of it.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: [giggling]
Granny Smith: Long ago, when I was a little pony, things were very different here in Ponyville, 'cause there was no Ponyville!
Granny Smith: [voiceover] That's right, my little ponies. Me and my family were pilgrim pony folk, back when I was a little filly. Oh, we ventured far and wide, collecting new seeds and sellin' the old. But my pa was the finest seed collector in all of Equestria. Then, one day, the Smith family found themselves in the most brilliant, most grand, most magnificent of all cities. A place called... Canterlot. Well, I bet your hooves to hindquarters I had never seen anything like it before nor since. And as if the beauty of that city wasn't enough, suddenly, she appeared. Princess Celestia, the most regal of all ponies. When lo and behold, she stopped to look at my pa's seed collection. Then Princess Celestia saw that we were plumb-tuckered and hankerin' to find our forever home. And bein' a royal Princess and all, she knew exactly the place for us to lay down our stakes. My pa gave the Princess a mighty thanks. We quickly found that land near the Everfree Forest, and we built our first home. Next, we planted our first orchards. But an orchard don't grow overnight, and we were getting mighty short on food. Now mind you, we were cautioned about the forest, and we knew that it was not fit to enter.
Granny Smith: [voiceover] But I knew there was critters livin' there. There must be somethin' to eat. It was dark and musty, and I won't lie, it was scary. But every inch was covered in plant life, and before I knew it, wasn't I standin' in front of the most incredible apple trees! I had never seen anything that bore this kind of colorful fruit! Oh I started picking apples quick as a whip!
[timberwolves howling and growling]
Granny Smith: [voiceover] I turned, and there before me stood the timberwolves! I've never run so fast in my life. I did the only thing I could think of.
Granny Smith: [voiceover] My pa and I planted those special apple seeds, and before our eyes they grew like wildfire. Why, we had full grown trees faster than you could say 'lickety split'. Then each year, I paid close attention to the signs of the zap apples' special harvesting times. How the weather affects the Everfree Forest, how the timberwolves howl when the zap apples first start growing, and how they zapped away if you didn't pick 'em all in one day! And the fruits of our labor were the best fruit we ever tasted. Soon enough I was mixing up batches of zap apple jam. Just like harvestin' the zap apples had its special rules, so did makin' zap apple jam. I learned that you gotta be extra friendly with the bees, otherwise their honey won't taste rightly sweet to mix in with the zap apples. Who'd'a thought that glass jars needed talkin' to? Or that zap apples like pink polka dots? But magic is as magic does. Just funny that way. Then ponies started comin' to our farm from far and wide just to get a taste of my zap apple jam. Some of them decided to stay, like Stinkin' Rich, Diamond Tiara's great grandfather. Matter of fact, the first thing he ever sold was my zap apple jam.
[train whistle blowing]
Granny Smith: [voiceover] And before we knew it, we had ourselves a nice little town, bustling with all kinds of ponies. And that is how Ponyville was founded.
Granny Smith: Oh, thank you kindly, little ponies. Oh, now now, let's settle down.
Scootaloo: So if it weren't for you and the zap apples, Ponyville wouldn't even exist?!
Granny Smith: Darn tootin', little filly!
Apple Bloom: If it weren't for my Granny Smith, your daddy wouldn't have Barnyard Bargains.
Rest of foals: ["It's true", general agreement]
Diamond Tiara: But–
Granny Smith: [licks]
Diamond Tiara: But she's just a... kooky old lady!
Apple Bloom: She is not a kooky old lady! She is the most amazing pony in all of Ponyville!
Scootaloo: I think this is the best zap apple jam I've tasted yet!
Sweetie Belle: Must be 'cause you had something to do with it, Apple Bloom.
Granny Smith: You betcha. Apple Bloom is one humdinger of a zap apple jammer!
Apple Bloom: I am?
Applejack: So I take it Family Appreciation Day went well?
Apple Bloom: Did it? My Granny Smith is super special! I just forgot that for a little while.
Granny Smith: Aw, don't fret. I forget things all the time. Now, I'll getcha... er... somethin'. Aw.
Applejack: Who wants to help Granny sing to the water?
Foals: We do, we do!
Granny Smith and Foals: A, B, C, D, E, F, G... [continues]