A long-shot view of the cul-de-sac is seen. It looks peaceful and quiet. The title flashes on the screen:
A backyard is shown. There is a kiddie pool set up with a toy boat gently rocking in it. Behind the pool is a clothesline, strung with clothes.
A sprinkler is watering Kevin's lawn. Kevin's bike is leaned against the garage. A close-up is shown of the sprinkler moving back and forth before looking at another house across the street.
Big Jim Miller
Rolf's tractor is sitting abandoned in a field of weeds. Rolf seems to have been mowing the lawn before suddenly stopping for some unknown reason. The wind blows, and some dandelion seeds come loose and float to another lawn, where a checkers game seems to have been in progress. A half-finished bottle of soda and a can of wood varnish occupy each end of the board.
An abandoned basketball is seen next to a game of hopscotch. Strangely, the number on the end is 62, and the square is incomplete. Following said trail, we find some broken chalk, two abandoned shoes, a skateboard with the wheels still rolling, and a dropped ice-cream cone on which ants are crawling. Lightning flashes, and we see the lane, utterly destroyed. A silhouette of Nazz can be seen splattered against one fence along with various debris, including a bag of cement, spilled black paint, an oven mitt, a toaster, and a cinder block with a balloon tied to it. The camera moves back to the ants, crawling on the ice cream, before the lightning crashes again and we see more of the lane, replete with footprints, downed trees, and boxes. Among the destroyed items are a record and a bowling ball. We then see the ants again before getting a long shot of the destroyed area. In addition to the lane, a house has suffered remarkable damage, and there is even an ice cream truck in its backyard. Not only this, but a water main has broken, flooding an area near the woods, and there is strangely enough a broken canoe by another house.
[Ed bursts into his room, knocking the door off its hinges and into the back wall. He spots it and tries to run through it but instead runs into the bricks that make up his basement. Stumbling backwards, he spots his shoe and rips it off before trying to get his sock off with his teeth. As he works to get it loose, he hops around his room, destroying it. Finally getting his sock off, Ed grabs two comics and Baron O' Beefdip.]
Ed: "Trouble! Bad!" [He grabs a stack of random junk.] "Pain!"
[Ed puts some bread in a toaster and sets it to go off before grabbing a bag and stuffing it full. Spotting his chair, Ed shakes the assorted items and the stuffing out of it into the bag and shoves the chair into the bag. He then rushes into the bathroom and tears down the drywall to reveal his sponge collection. The toast pops up, and Ed quickly grabs the hot bread, butters it, and tosses it into his bag. He pulls the bag out of the wall and grabs his sponges before running off.]
[Sarah cuts a hole in a cardboard box and looks through it.]
Sarah: "Okay, Jimmy. Ready?" [She turns the camera to Jimmy, who is dressed like a pirate.] "Aaaand...action!"
Jimmy: "Okay. Arr! Avast thee, barnacle-ridden bully! For I, the great pirate, Keelhaul Crewstain, will swash your buckle, and yardarm your sealeg!" [Sarah, the cameraman and director, looks up unhappily.]
Sarah: "Cut, cut, cut cut!" [through a megaphone] "What the heck was that? C'mon, say it like you mean it! You're a bloodthirsty scourge of the seven seas, silly!" [Jimmy thinks, trying to find his inner pirate.]
Jimmy: "I found it, Sarah!"
[A huge explosion rocks the set. Ed has just burst out of the house. Spotting Sarah and Jimmy, he jumps up and grabs his sponges.]
Ed: "Save yourselves!" [He hugs the sponges.] "Be free, dear friends!" [Ed casts the sponges skyward, grabs his bag, and runs off.] "Trouble! Bad! Pain!"
[Sarah and Jimmy look at each other, confused by Ed's behavior.]
[Edd is in his room, whimpering. A bunch of clothes are on his bed, next to an empty suitcase. He is trying to write a goodbye note.]
Edd: "Beloved parents. By the time you read this, I will be long–far–oh dear." [He picks up the note, folds it, and puts it in the trash along with many other failed attempts before starting again.] "Dearest Mother and Father. It is with great sh-shame..." [Edd puts down his pen and begins to cry. Pulling himself together] "That I regretfully con-fess...to..." [a few tears leak out] "I regretfully confess to my involvement in the inexcusable, unconscionable, reprehensible, abhorrent, detrimental, detestable, incomprehensible, immoral, thoughtless, impossible, hurtful–" [Edd's writing goes jagged, and he stops and wails.] "Oh, what have we done! GGGGAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
[Edd gives in to his tears. Suddenly, his door bursts open. Edd looks behind him and sees a worried Ed.]
Ed: "Dah-houble D!"
[Eddy is shoving things into his suitcase. He finishes and tries to slam the overstuffed case shut. When he finally does so, he tries to lift it, but finds it too heavy. Suddenly, it bursts open, scattering its contents all over the room. Eddy lies there. He gets up just as a banging comes at the door. Eddy leaps up, terrified. He grabs the vacuum cleaner and affects a falsetto.]
Eddy: [imitating his mother] "Um, my little Eddy's not home right now!"
[The door flies open.]
Eddy: "DON'T HURT ME!" [He dives behind the vacuum cleaner.]
Ed: [running in] "Trouble! Bad!"
[Ed trips over the vacuum and lands on Eddy.]
Eddy: "It wasn't my fault, I swear!" [He realizes who it is.] "Ed, you idiot!" [packing again] "I thought it was those sore losers!"
Ed: [panicking] "What do we do, Eddy? What do we do?"
Eddy: "What happened to Sockhead?"
[Ed reaches into his bag and pulls out Edd.]
Eddy: "Here, hold this!" [He hands the suitcase to Edd.]
Edd: "We're fugitives, Eddy! Are you aware of the consequences we're about to endure? All because of our misguided chicanery!"
[The Eds see a shadow pass by the blinds.]
Eddy: "Too late! Quick, my brother's room!"
[The Eds rush out of Eddy's room and head down the hall. They come to the front door and skid to a halt; something outside is hammering on it, trying to get in. Eddy quickly directs them upstairs. The door bursts open behind them, but the Eds continue running. They find the room, and Eddy begins to open the door.]
[The door creaks open, and Eddy peeks in. He looks around. Seeing nobody, he enters.]
Edd: [following him in] "Eddy, do you think this is wise?"
Eddy: "They'll never find us in here!" [He rummages through the closet.] "Ah-ha!" [He tapes the wallpaper to the door.] "Ssh!" [Eddy closes the door.]
[The lights click on in the room. Eddy proceeds to do all the locks. The Eds huddle together in the center of the room, waiting for the coming storm and hoping it will pass them by.]
Eddy: [whispering] "This is all your fault, Sockhead!"
Edd: [whispering, shocked] "My fault? Funny, isn't it, how it's always my fault when yet another of your amazing scams goes awry!"
Eddy: [whispering] "Yeah, well, I didn't see you stop me! You shoulda known it would go bad!"
Ed: "Boy, did it go bad."
[They stop talking. There's a creaking and some noises outside. Eddy looks up and spots a congratulatory glass on top of the fridge. He pushes Edd to the door, and a piece of toast falls off Edd's back. Eddy then hands Edd the glass and gestures for him to use it to listen. Edd puts the glass to the door and his ear to the glass while Eddy stashes himself in Ed's pocket. All three Eds are sweating as they listen for any noise. Suddenly, a crunch comes, and Edd's eyes turn inwards. Eddy looks up and sees Ed eating the toast. Edd, now standing in a puddle of his own sweat, drops the glass. The door starts to buckle as something pounds on it.]
Ed: "We are not long for this world!"
[Ed darts around the room, trying to find shelter.]
Edd: "The window!"
[Edd rushes over and parts the curtains only to find that it's been bricked up.]
Eddy: "What's with my brother and these stupid bricks?!?"
[Edd and Eddy stumble backwards and trip over the rug. It rolls up, revealing a vent.]
Edd: "Eddy, look! This heat vent will lead to an escape!"
Ed: [on the camel] "Over here, guys! My lumpy mutated horsie will save us!"
[The wooden bar breaks, and a foot kicks through the doorknob.]
Edd: "Eddy! The door won't hold for much longer!"
Eddy: [panicked] "Don't just stand there! Do something!"
[Edd grabs onto Eddy and pulls, trying to work the grate loose. He looks over to Ed, who is trying to get the camel to run.]
Ed: "Giddy-up, horsie! Do not let your mutated lump slow you down!"
[Ed falls off the camel and slams into the wall. He hits what looks like a fire alarm and slides down. Edd and Eddy, meanwhile, finally get the vent cover loose, and Eddy leaps in only to find that his brother bricked up the vents as well.]
Eddy: "More bricks Double D!"
Ed: "Ooh ooh oh! This-a-way, guys!" [He shows them the alarm.] "Look!"
Edd: [reading] "In case of movie break glass?"
Eddy: "Bingo!" [He grabs the provided hammer and breaks the case.] "My bro's always prepared!" [He reaches inside and pulls out a peanut.] "A peanut?"
Ed: "Cheap movie."
[An arm reaches through the space where the doorknob used to be. It feels the chains before reaching down and lifting one of the bolts. The door creaks open a little more, and we see the kids, straining to get into the room.]
Kevin: "Lemme through! End of the line, dorks!" [Ed grabs the peanut with his teeth.]
Eddy: "It was just a scam, Double D! How did it go so wrong?"
Edd: [scared] "Eddy, the laws of probability can be a real mean–"
Ed: [garbled] "Just my mouth!"
[Ed bites down on the nut, and the shell cracks, revealing a key.]
Edd: "Eddy! A key!"
[The kids strain at the door.]
Eddy: "It must be for my brother's car!"
[A piece of the door breaks loose. Eddy scrambles into the drivers seat.]
Edd: "Eddy, we're too young to drive!"
Eddy: "Get in, get in!"
[Ed dives into the backseat while Edd rides shotgun. Eddy fumbles with the key.]
Eddy: "Come on!"
[He finally puts it in the ignition. He turns it, and the engine barely coughs. Eddy tries again, and the engine coughs again.]
Edd: "It's no use, Eddy!"
Eddy: [trying again] "It ain't workin!"
[The chains break as Rolf slams his head through the door.]
Rolf: "Rolf's vengeance will be slow and painful, like Papa's charcoal anecdotes, Ed-boys!"
[Rolf crashes through the door, and Nazz, Kevin, Jonny, and Plank follow him in. Ed plunges his feet through the car's floor.]
Ed: "I am Ed! Cheese and macaroni!"
[Ed runs forward. The kids grab on to the car as it breaks through the doorway and smashes through the second floor, sailing outside. The impact with the wall shakes the kids off, and they fall on the grass outside Eddy's house.]
Nazz: "They're getting away, guys!"
[The car twists onto the road and slams into a hydrant before turning and running into a garage. It then backs up and goes through a fence. Rolf, meanwhile, lets out a piercing whistle, and his pig gallops up.]
Rolf: "Peel your onions Ed-boy!" [sinister] "And cry." [getting on Wilfred] "There is no escaping the son of a shepherd!" [He rides off in hot pursuit.]
Kevin: "Right behind you, man."
[Kevin and Nazz take off after Rolf. Sarah and Jimmy peek out from behind a house.]
Sarah: "Let's go see, Jimmy!"
[Sarah and Jimmy race to the sidewalk just in time to see the car go by, followed immediately by Kevin, on his bike; Rolf, on his pig; and Nazz, running after them.]
Sarah: [gleefully] "Yowzers! Whaddya think they did this time, Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Whatever it was, it must be worser than ever!"
[The Eds trundle down the road.]
Edd: "I think I'm gonna be sick!"
Eddy: "Not in my brother's car, you're not!"
[Plank, ripped and torn and almost destroyed, tumbles onto the windshield.]
Edd and Eddy: "WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
[Ed swerves, scared out of his mind. The car almost hits Jonny.]
Jonny: [angry and scared] "Let em have it buddy!"
[Rolf and Kevin ride into a field. Kevin skids his bike to a stop. The car jumps, and lands on the fences bordering the lane. Rolf chases them. He gets close, and pulls on Wilfred's ears to coax out more speed. Wilfred speeds up, and they approach the car's rear. Eddy meanwhile looks out of the window. He looks down, and his eyes bulge. The wheels are just barely staying on the top of the fence. One false move, and they will fall to their quite probable deaths.]
Edd: [lamenting] "So much undone! Unsaid! Mother and Father will be so annoyed!"
[Rolf has clamped down on Ed's leg with his teeth. The only thing propelling the car now is pure momentum.]
Ed: "They got me, guys!" [He begins to slip out.] "I'm a goner! Save yourselves!" [Ed is close to being dragged out.] "Don't forget about me!" [Ed falls out of the car.] "See ya."
Edd and Eddy: "Ed!"
[Edd and Eddy each grab an arm and pull. They painstakingly yank Ed back into the still-moving car, although Rolf refuses to let go. Suddenly, Ed's leg slips out of Rolf's teeth, and the Eds slip back into the car. At this moment, they reach the end of the fence and fly out over a dumpster.]
Rolf: "Curse you Ed-boys!"
[Rolf slams into the dumpster. The car sails into the woods, hitting many trees along the way and snapping them. The Eds scream as they go through the woods and fly over a ravine into the junkyard. The wheels continue to carry them forward until Ed resumes his position as the motor and runs again. They pass by a mountain of trash.]
[Kevin is on top of a mountain of junk with his bike. He sees the Eds pass and snarls.]
[Nazz is skating down the lane. She finds the dumpster with Rolf's indentation and stops. Rolf is nowhere to be seen. Jonny then runs up carrying Plank. He is out-of-breath.]
[Eddy peers over the steering wheel as they rush through the junkyard. Suddenly, Kevin slams their vehicle from the left, shaking them and sending them skidding.]
Ed: "Oh, help me!"
Edd: "Oh dear, now what?!?"
[Eddy looks out the window and spots Kevin. Kevin then hits them again, and the car once again skids.]
Eddy: "He's a maniac, I tell ya!"
[Kevin slams them a third time, and this time they spin in circles. The car hits another mountain of trash, and this acts like a ramp. The car leaps into the air and slips upside down. As it does this, Edd turns green, and Eddy flies past him and out the window, still clinging to the wheel. The car lands on two wheels and continues to drive this way. Eddy is on the right side and is forced to run with the car. The car turns left, and Kevin follows. Rolf brings up the rear, having managed to rejoin the chase.]
Rolf: "Run like well-worn stockings, Wilfred!"
[Ed releases the car door briefly and grabs at the steering wheel. He spins it rapidly, pulling Eddy inside. Ed then grabs at the door and continues to run. They reach the edge of the junkyard and crash through the fence. The Eds reach Peach Creek Estates and blast through it, on the way wrecking some of the incomplete structures. Nazz and Jonny rejoin the chase.]
Rolf: "Prepare for Rolf's water-laden bovine bladder!"
Jonny: "Plank's freaking out!"
Eddy: "Double D! You got any bright ideas?"
[Edd is puking into a paper bag.]
Kevin: "How do you like your faces? Fried or scrambled?"
[The Eds look up with a start. Kevin is on their left. Kevin then rips the door open.]
Eddy: "Ed! The door! The door, Lumpy!"
Rolf: "Rolf will assist you with the Ed-boy flogging Kevin!" [He grabs Wilfred and they roll forward like a wheel.]
Nazz: "Go Rolf go!"
[Ed manages to shut the door, tearing it away from Kevin. Eddy locks it and begins to roll up the window.]
Edd: "Ed! Fingers!"
[Ed jerks his fingers back as the window closes. Kevin leaps onto the car, and his bike wheels off, coming to a stop against a sawhorse, perfectly parked. Rolf's wheel slams into the back of the car, and he and Wilfred fly upward. The pig lands on the roof, and Rolf lands on the hood. Nazz reaches their back and grabs onto the open trunk.]
Kevin: [groping for them] "You're going down, dudes."
[The Eds look up and spot Wilfred's tail acting like a bottle opener on the roof. Rolf lifts the pig and tears the roof on, and the faces of the Eds' enemies leer in.]
Kevin: "Time for payback!"
Jonny: "Plank wants first crack at em!"
Rolf: "Rolf will use their hides as a crutch for Nana's goiter!"
Nazz: "Like, thanks for the help up here, guys? Duh!"
Ed: "It wasn't me! Eddy did it." [He ducks into his jacket.]
Eddy: "In your dreams! It was Double D."
[Eddy ducks into Ed's sleeve. Edd is about to say something when he sees that they are approaching the playground.]
Edd: "Um, excuse me. I'll be right back."
[Edd leans out the window and grabs onto the merry-go-round. Centrifugal force is quick to act on the car, as the kids are pushed away from it. Wilfred is the first to fly off.]
Jonny: "Hang on buddddyyyy!"
[The roof tears off, and Rolf, Nazz, Jonny, and Plank fly away.]
Kevin: "You dorks ain't seen the last of me!!!"
[Kevin is torn off by the pressure, and he flies off and slams into the slide. At this point, the pressure on Edd is too great, and he lets go of the merry-go-round as well. The car flies into the air and over the wood. Kevin runs after them, carrying a metal pipe.]
Kevin: "DOOOOORRRRRKKKKKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [He throws the pipe away.]
[As Kevin screams at the sky, the camera moves back to the park.]
[Jonny is stuck in a hole in the road.]
Nazz: "Kevin! Where are you!"
[Jonny escapes the hole.]
Kevin: [ranting] "I can't believe it! I almost had em! We can't let this go, man. Not after what they did!"
[Sarah and Jimmy tiptoe up to watch the show.]
Nazz: "What do we do now? Wait for them to come back?" [Kevin helps her up, and she begins to cry.] "'Cause I got like a million things to do! Hair extensions, exfoliating scrubs, spray tan, fingernails glued and polished, a pustule of–"
Rolf: "Shed tears no more, fussbucket Nazz-girl. Rolf will unearth the Ed-boys and squash them like the parasite that infests Wilfred's tuchis! This is Rolf's word! Dawg?"
Nazz: "They're gonna wish they never messed with Nazz Van Bartonschmeer!"
Jonny: "I ain't goin near that one with a ten-foot pole, buddy."
Jonny: "Say what?"
Jonny: [whispering] "You're reading my mind, Plank! It's time to call in the special forces."
Kevin: "Those thieves couldn'tve got far. I'm getting my bike!" [He walks off.]
Rolf: "Yes! Rolf will draw forth the–"
Nazz: "Wait up Kev!" [She hurries after him.]
Rolf: "Rolf will draw forth the pitchfork of retribution!" [Jonny sneaks away.] "The Ed-boys shall riddle Rolf's rind no more! Wilfred! To the shed!"
[Wilfred pops out of the ground and heads towards Rolf, squealing. Sarah and Jimmy watch.]
Sarah: "Pigs are so gross."
Jimmy: "Golly gosh, Sarah, they're gonna hunt down the Eds! What on earth did they do?"
Sarah: "I don't know, Jimmy."
Jimmy: "Think of what they'll do to them, Sarah! It'll be worse than soap in your eye! Worser than polyester chafing!"
Sarah: "Let's have a picnic and watch!"
Jimmy: [after a pause] "Oh yay, Sarah! I wouldn't miss this Ed-thrashing for all the shoulder pads in the world!"
[The two giggle and walk off.]
[The car crashes down in the middle of a desert. Eddy sits up and adjusts the rearview mirror while Edd heaves himself up. Eddy then looks back as Ed continues to carry the car. Seeing no one, he smiles.]
Eddy: "Ha! We lost em!"
Edd: "How can you be so certain, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Those chumps'll never catch us now! From here on out, it's nothing but smooth sailing!"
[The car slams into a giant rock. The rock tips over, and the car explodes. Ed wiggles his way out of an exhaust pipe and sees Eddy's three hairs sticking up from inside a car door. Ed rolls the window up, and Eddy pops out. Eddy looks around.]
Eddy: [to Ed] "Way to go, lummox! The only rock for miles, and you had to hit it!"
[Edd is still in his seat, there only because of his seat belt.]
Edd: "Seat belts certainly are a trusted friend." [His belt gives way, and he plunges to the ground.] "Aah!" [His friends stare at him. Suddenly, Edd jumps up.] "I've followed all the rules! Lived a life of decency and principle! So why didn't I follow my instincts? That one day these short-sighted sophomoric shell games would go too far!!!"
Ed: [diving behind Eddy] "Double D's dark side makes my armpits sweat, Eddy."
Eddy: "What doesn't?"
Edd: "Lost souls are we, gentlemen, doomed for eternity!" [He collapses to the ground.]
Eddy: "Lighten up, Sockhead. Hasn't Eddy always steered you right?" [helping Edd up] "Don't answer that."
Ed: "Oh, oh! If I might partake in this chat? Could we not joineth the circus? Eddy could be the world's–"
Eddy: [being twisted into a strange shape by Ed] "Hey ow stop! It doesn't go that way!"
Ed: "–shortest elephant!" [He displays Eddy for all to see.] "And you Double D can be the clown!"
Edd: [considering] "I guess one could get used to the confining nature of tights."
Eddy: "Talk about stupid." [He grabs his friends.] "If we're goin anywhere, I know a place so out of the way, it's practically invisible."
Edd: "Dare I ask?" [He clutches his forehead before turning back to Eddy, grinning.] "And?"
Ed: "Yeah, Eddy. And?"
Eddy: "And..." [clutching them close] "If any of those losers find us there, they'll be mailed back to Peach Creek in a body cast."
Ed: "Where we goin, Eddy?"
[Eddy walks a few feet away before leaping into the air to deliver his pronouncement.]
Eddy: "My big bro's place!"
Edd: [downhearted] "Eddy, I have my doubts your brother would offer us sanctuary."
Eddy: "What, are you kiddin me? We're kinda connected! Like twins! Brain wave stuff! He's talkin to me right now! C'mon!"
Ed: "Oh boy oh boy!"
Eddy: "He's waitin for us!" [He runs off.]
Ed: "Eddy's brother is so cool!"
[Ed runs off. Edd looks at them and then back at the wreckage of the car. Reaching into his hat, he pulls out his labeler and starts to make a label as he walks towards the trunk. He finishes up and places a label on the trunk reading "Out of Order."]
Edd: "There." [running after his friends] "Wait for me, fellows!"
[Rolf is looking through his shed.]
Rolf: "Downtrodden rabbit radishes! Where are the Duke of Deli Meats' hearty edibles?"
[As he looks for them, a long hedge rolls out. Jonny peeks out of it. Spying his incomplete checkers game, he runs and hides under the board and then crawls off, carrying it on his back. Jonny enters his backyard and pretends to nonchalantly swing. He slowly stops and looks from side to side. Spying nobody, he yanks on one of the ropes holding the swing up twice. The swing responds by ascending skyward, and another one descends, carrying a replica of Jonny and Plank. High in the tree, Jonny reaches up and finds a bird's nest. He fiddles around the eggs until he finds the one he wants. He then flips it open and presses a button. A secret door opens in front of him on the branch he is balanced on. He slips into it and enters an elevator. It drops six floors, and Jonny exits. He turns on a lamp and picks up a magnet. The magnet pulls the bear trap from his head. He then proceeds to descend down a bunch of stairs that look like melons. Jonny enters a giant, melon-themed chamber. He puts Plank on a melon-shaped chair and spins it before going to another one, sitting on it, and spinning it as well. The floor opens beneath the chairs and they drop.]
[Outside the Melon Cave, a tree stump's top slides open and two heroes burst out.]
Captain Melonhead: "Shed a tear, 'cause Captain Melonhead and Splinter the Wonderwood are here!"
[Captain Melonhead leaps forward only to slam into a fence. His head gets stuck between two boards, but he manages to pull it out. Unfortunately, on the way out, his mask gets twisted, rendering him blind.]
Captain Melonhead: "Holy Toledo, Splinter! My Melon Vision! It's gone!"
Splinter the Wonderwood:
Captain Melonhead: "Who's an idiot?"
Splinter the Wonderwood:
[Captain Melonhead turns his mask and can once again see. He grabs his sidekick and takes off.]
Captain Melonhead: "It's Melon time! Hoop-ba-da, hee hee hee!"
[Nazz and Kevin are tearing down the road, looking for the Eds. Kevin rides his bike past the school. He reaches a turnoff and takes it. Nazz is smiling until a bug hits her. This is followed in short order by several more. Bugs are hitting Kevin as well, but he doesn't seem to care.]
Nazz: "Major so gross, Kevin. These bugs are like freaking me out!"
Kevin: "Get a grip, Nazz! This rage train ain't stoppin till I thump those three twerps! Whoa."
[Up ahead is a gigantic cloud of flies. They hit it at full speed and go straight through it. When they come out, they are blanketed in dead flies.]
Nazz: "Kevin, stop!" [Kevin blindly rubs at his eyes.] "AAAAHHHH!!!"
[The three crash into a peach shed.]
Nazz: [getting up] "Ow! That hurt!"
Kevin: "Oh, man! I'm so sorry!"
Nazz: "Oh, I'm okay." [She holds her arms out for a hug.]
Kevin: "It was totally my fault!" [He runs past her.] "This can't be happening. My bike's thrashed!" [He heaves it upright and begins to work on it.]
Nazz: "Hello. Remember me?"
Kevin: "Nazz. We need to figure out where those foul-ups took off to and head em off. I'm pretty sure they won't be going back to the cul-de-sac. Not after what they did."
Nazz: "That'd be the last thing they'd do. They're like such cowards."
Kevin: "Good one, Nazz. Say, you got one of those hairpin things?"
Nazz: "Totally!" [She hands one over, and Kevin rewires his bike.]
Kevin: "Cowards run and hide, right? So who's the one person in the world that Eddy trusts, 'sides his two loser pals?"
Nazz: "What about his brother?"
Kevin: "That little twerp wouldn't have the–" [realizing something] "That's it! They're going to Eddy's brother's place!" [He grabs Nazz in a hug.] "Nazz, you're awesome, babe."
[Nazz smiles. Suddenly, Kevin throws her off.]
Kevin: "HOLD IT! Eddy's brother will murder us if he finds out we're after his little brother! We're wasting time! We gotta get those dorks before they get there. If they get there before we get there, they'll never get theirs."
Kevin: "Forget it!" [He pulls her onto the bike.] "We gotta go."
[The two set off again, this time on a much more damaged bike.]
[A giant stack of items moves across the desert. On top is Rolf, directing it; on bottom, Wilfred, tugging it. Rolf is following a trail of footprints; one foot was in a shoe, while the other was bare. Suddenly, he spots a glint of metal up ahead, and he leaps off.]
Rolf: "We must not be seen, as the Ed-boys will surely flee, Wilfred! Lay low, and follow Rolf's posterior."
[The two creep up on the rock. Suddenly, Rolf leaps out and brandishes his pitchfork.]
Rolf: "ED-BOYS! SHAKLAHAM! SHOOKEE! SHLOOHORM! DON'T EVER! DO THAT! AGAIN! SLAHEE FISHMONGER! Calle! Cai!"
[Rolf begins to pant. He then looks around and realizes that there's nobody there.]
Rolf: "The Ed-boys think they have played Rolf as a phony baloney. But they have yet to feel the wrath of this SON OF A SHEPHERD!"
[Rolf takes out a key and unlocks a suitcase. He takes another box out and opens it, revealing six eggs. He takes one out and looks around. Spotting the steaming engine, Rolf cracks the egg on it; the egg begins to fry. He then walks over to one of the seats and takes out a canteen. Rolf opens the canteen and pours oil out of it, onto the seat. Once the canteen is empty, he throws it and the cork over his shoulder. The cork lodges in Wilfred's nose, and the pig begins to snort.]
Rolf: "Wilfred! You interrupt Rolf's study! Do you think this is party time for 1999? No!"
[Rolf turns back to the chair. Taking out a muffin, he proceeds to dab it in the oil. He then looks at it.]
Rolf: "Ah ha."
[The egg finishes cooking, and Rolf picks it up. He then proceeds to lay it on top of the muffin. Suddenly, Wilfred rams him from behind. Rolf drops the muffin, and Wilfred scrambles over and eats it.]
Rolf: "Wilfred! Has your thinkbox collapsed? Do not eat Rolf's tell-all! Back, I say!"
[Wilfred suddenly charges forward, pushing Rolf backwards.]
Rolf: "Wait–Wilfred, no!" [He slams into the car's trunk.] "Accursed swine! Consider yourself stricken from the annual son-of-a-shepherd custard bake-off!"
[He notices the "Out of Order" label Edd stuck on the trunk. Peeling it off, he has Wilfred sniff it to get the scent.]
Rolf: "We'll have the Ed-boys on a spit by nightfall!"
[The Eds are tromping through a grassy field.]
Ed: "Can your brother send me brain waves too, Eddy?"
Eddy: "If only you had a brain, Ed."
Ed: "C'mon, Eddy, have a heart!"
Edd: "Courage, courage Eddward."
[They come to a gate marking off private property.]
[Eddy kicks the gate open, and he and Ed enter. Edd hesitates.]
Edd: [gasping] "Private property? Um, fellows!"
[He waits for his friends to come back. When they don't, he crosses the line.]
Edd: "Wait! Stop!" [He shuts the gate.] "Come back! We're trespassing!"
Eddy: "Trespass, schmespass. It's a shortcut." [They enter a field of cows.]
Ed: "Look, guys! Moo-moos there! Moo-moos everywhere!"
Eddy: "My bro's got a billion cows. A regular stampede of em."
[A crowd of flies settles above Ed's head. He approaches Eddy.]
Ed: "Your brother's got moo-moos, Eddy?"
[Eddy waves the flies away. Edd joins them.]
Edd: "Haven't we poked and prodded fate enough for one day, Eddy?" [whispering] "I'm frightened."
Eddy: "Poor little ol' Sockhead. You're so neeve."
Edd: "I think you mean naive, Eddy."
Eddy: "That too. My big bro would never let anything happen to me, and I'll tell you what–I'll put in a good word for you two."
Edd: "Thank you Eddy! Your brother certainly is a kind, upstanding and generous human being."
Ed: [joyful] "He's got moo-moos, Double D!"
Edd: "Yes, well...what's our estimated time of arrival to your brother's sanctuary, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Beats me. I don't know where he lives."
[Edd stops dead. Once he absorbs this, he runs to catch up to them.]
Edd: [astounded] "Pardon? Are you saying all this time you've been leading us to nowhere?"
Eddy: "Nope. I'm taking you to my bro's house, smart guy. You just have to figure out where it is."
Ed: "Oh, let me, Eddy! I have a good figure."
[Edd clutches his forehead. Ed dives into the grass and leaps out of it.]
Ed: "The hills are alive, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Yeah, with the sounds of an idiot."
Edd: [stepping in front of them] "Hold it right there! We're not taking one more step until we deduce the whereabouts of your brother, Eddy!"
Eddy: [smug] "Forget to pay the brain bill?"
Edd: "But Eddy, your brother's always been somewhat of an enigma! I've got nothing to go on!" [Eddy walks past.]
Eddy: "Better hurry up, big bro's a-waitin."
Ed: [grabbing Eddy] "Oh oh Eddy! Do you think I could get your brother's autograph?"
Eddy: [taking out his wallet] "Ta-da!" [He shows off a postcard.] "Like this one?"
Ed: [awed] "Eddy's brother's autograph!" [He takes the card.] "Thank you."
Eddy: "Give it back, Ed! My brother sent me that postcard! You're gonna wreck it!"
Ed: "Autograph, Eddy!"
Eddy: "I'll autograph your head with my foot! Gimme it!" [Edd takes it from Ed.]
Ed: "Dive, captain, dive!"
Edd: "A postcard? This could provide the very clue we need!" [He examines it closely.]
Eddy: "Hey! Gimme that!"
Edd: "A postmark should lead us directly to–drat! It's illegible!" [The postmark is smeared.]
Eddy: [taking his postcard back] "Gah! You probably smudged it."
[Edd spots Ed drawing on a cow.]
Edd: "May I borrow this Ed?" [He takes the crayon.] "Thank you!"
[Edd rushes away. Eddy meanwhile tucks his postcard back into his wallet. Suddenly, an udder slams into his face.]
Ed: [showing off his artwork] "Look, Eddy! A picture for Eddy's Brother! Do you think he'll like it?"
Eddy: "Um...hey, Sockhead, where'd ya go?" [He looks for Edd. He finds Edd sticking leaves to a spiderweb.]
Edd: "Eddy! I've found the link to key communitives we have with your brother! Among those, his shuddersome stink bomb recipes, his heinous hot sauces, oh and my favorite, malicious misleading treasure maps, together with other contentious callous cons, lead me to suspect your brother's quite the jokester."
Eddy: "You better believe it! He's the king, baby!" [Eddy twangs Edd's nose.]
Edd: "Yes, well, where could one groom this tendency to pranks and puerile practical jokes?"
[A memory hits Ed.]
Ed: "I got it! It says so on my comic book!" [He sticks it to the web.] "Pranks and puerile practical jokes at the Lemon Brook Gag Factory."
Edd: "That's quite a coincidence."
Eddy: [tearing the comic away] "Lemon Brook? Bunch of mascot-hating, lemon-sucking–" [Ed takes his comic back.]
Ed: "Uh-uh, Eddy, no autograph, no comic book."
Edd: "That's it, Eddy! Your brother may very well work there! Or at the very least, be a regular customer!"
Eddy: "I bet he's there right now!"
Ed: "Oh boy oh boy, I forget what we're doing!"
[Eddy looks disgusted.]
[Sarah and Jimmy skip past Eddy's house, carrying a basket. They enter the lane and come to a fence.]
Sarah: "On three, Jimmy. One..."
Sarah and Jimmy: "...two...three!"
[They toss the basket over the fence into Peach Creek Estates. They then pick it up on the other side and continue to run, giggling. This continues until they enter the woods, where Jimmy slows, then stops.]
Sarah: [annoyed] "What's the matter, Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "I'm not allowed to go in there, Sarah. I still have bad dreams, and my mom had to buy a mattress cover!"
Sarah: [rolling her eyes] "Okay, but you're really gonna miss a doozy!"
[Sarah skips into the trailer park.]
Jimmy: [after a moment of contemplation] "I hope Kevin knocks Eddy's teeth out!" [He follows Sarah down the trail.] "Wait for me, girlfriend!"
[The path forks. Sarah takes the right fork, but Jimmy, unable to see Sarah, chooses the left path. He trips over a piece of machinery and flies into a lawn chair. Bouncing off that, he flies into the air and falls into a wagon full of clothes. The wagon tips over, spilling its load behind May. All three Kankers look up.]
Marie: "Oh, way to go, May!"
Lee: "Yeah! As if our laundry wasn't dirty enough! Quit holding up the line!" [She slings a bucket of clothespins at May.]
May: [ducking] "Watch it Lee!" [The bucket hits the wagon and boomerangs back to hit May in the back of her head.] "That didn't even hurt." [Marie hits her with a giant bag of soap.]
Marie: "Get back to work, snoutface. My skivvies ain't gonna wash themselves."
Lee: "Heh. Snoutface. Good one, Marie."
[May picks herself up off the ground. Jimmy peeks out and sees Lee pin an undershirt to the wire.]
May: "If you guys weren't such fashion hogs, there wouldn't be all this laundry to do!" [She pulls Jimmy out from the pile.]
Jimmy: "Oh, please! Don't hurt me!"
May: "Looks like someone left something in their pocket!"
Lee: "What is it?"
Marie: "Looks like it's whats-his-face!"
May: "Let's call him Dutch."
Lee: [leering] "A little far from home, aren't ya, Dutch?"
May: "Uh-oh, looks like Dutch needs a diaper!"
Jimmy: [worried] "I'm fine, really, I am!"
May: "Aw, he's squirming!"
[May pins him up and proceeds to nurse him with a bottle of ketchup. Lee steals Jimmy away.]
Lee: "Dutch ain't a baby." [She throws Jimmy down.] "He's a big grown man." [sinister] "I bet he wants a date." [after a few moments] "WHERE'S MY FLOWERS DUTCH?!?!?" [She giggles as Jimmy lies on the ground, twitching.]
Marie: [picking him up] "Aw, my man doesn't need to give me any flowers." [She drops him by the washing machine.] "He just needs to do my laundry. Knock yourself out, Dutch."
May: [grabbing Jimmy] "Babies don't do laundry!"
Lee: "He's mine!" [She grabs Jimmy's arm.] "Gimme my man."
Marie: [taking Jimmy's other leg] "Laundry boy's all mine, ladies."
Lee: "Back off Marie."
May: "Baby's mine!"
[The three tug at Jimmy, stretching his body.]
Jimmy: "I'm getting stretch marks!" [Jimmy's pants split, revealing his teddy bear underwear.] "Stop! I just wanted to see Ed, Edd n Eddy get clobbered!"
[The Kankers abruptly let go.]
Lee: [menacing] "What did you say about our boyfriends?"
Sarah: "None of your beeswax!"
[The Kankers turn to the fiery-headed newcomer. Sarah sets her basket down and seethes with rage. Tears of gratitude fill Jimmy's eyes.]
Jimmy: "My hero."
[The Kankers jump his hero.]
Jimmy: "Leave her alone!"
Sarah: "Ah ah AAAAHH!!!"
Jimmy: "What'd she ever do to you?" [Marie pins Sarah to the ground.]
Sarah: "Get off me, lemme go!"
[Marie giggles. May grabs Sarah's head and holds it in place.]
Lee: "So none of our beeswax, huh? What a shame."
[Lee opens her mouth and sticks her finger in. When it comes out, it is covered with spit. May giggles in anticipation, and her sisters join in. May then turns Sarah's head on its side, and Lee holds her finger above Sarah. Spittle drips onto Sarah's cheek until Lee jams her finger into Sarah's ear, swishing it around in a Wet Willy.]
Sarah: "Ew that's so gross!"
Jimmy: "A Wet Willy! Oh, the horror!"
Marie: [as Lee works her finger] "So tell us, twerp–"
May: "–what do you and Dutch know about our boyfriends!"
Jimmy: "Stop! Enough!" [The torture stops as Jimmy comes running up.] "The Eds did something really bad! Something big happened because everyone's angry, chasing after them to give them their just desserts!" [crying] "Ahhaha, I'm such a snitch!"
May: "Did you hear what Dutch said?"
Marie: [angry] "Ain't nobody beating up on my man but me!"
Lee: "Grab the two squirts, girls. We're gonna need em."
[Sarah and Jimmy look at each other, worry in their eyes.]
[The Eds are walking through a field of sunflowers. Edd is using a strange device. Suddenly, Eddy runs up.]
Eddy: "Double D! Check this–" [He runs into Ed.]
Edd: [staring at Ed] "Oh, um...cute."
Eddy: "No, no, not that! This." [He picks up a sunflower and slams it into Ed's face. Ed starts to chase him.] "Uh oh."
Ed: "I am the mighty Agamushin! I am from outer space!"
Eddy: "Don't bite me, oh Agam whatcha-whatchamacallit!"
Edd: [chuckling] "Agamushin. A forest substrate. How apropos." [He looks through the device. Suddenly, Eddy grabs it.]
Eddy: "What's that stupid thing? Can you see cartoons in it?" [He spins it.] "It's a wheeze-widdler!"
[Ed arrives, and Eddy smiles evilly.]
Ed: "I will eat you now!"
[Eddy uses the device on Ed's face. Soon, there is nothing left of Ed on top of his coat. Eddy looks in, and an arm reaches out from inside the jacket and grabs him. Ed sticks his head out of the armhole.]
Ed: "Gotcha, Eddy!" [Eddy chuckles.]
Edd: [angrily resetting the device] "Yes, well, it's all fun and games, but merrymaking nearly cost us this sextant!"
[Ed and Eddy abruptly stop.]
Eddy: "You catch that, Ed?" [to Edd] "Ah, the what? I missed that. What's it called?"
Edd: "It's called a sextant." [Ed begins to giggle.] "An astronomical instrument used to–" [He stops.]
Eddy: "Again, sorry, I missed it. What's it called?"
Edd: "It's commonly known as a sextant, Eddy–" [Ed and Eddy burst into laughter. Edd thinks about it.]
Ed: "Say it again, Double D!"
Edd: [realizing what he said] "Oh my!" [He blushes.] "You won't be giggling when this unnamed device triangulates our position and gives us a precise heading to the true direction of the gag factory."
Eddy: "Wanna bet?"
Edd: "But in order for me to calculate our bearings to the gag factory, I'll need–" [He walks into a brick wall.]
Ed: "Land ho!" [He points to a loading dock for the building: the Lemon Brook Gag Factory.]
Eddy: "This is it!"
Ed: "Gag factory, yay!"
Edd: "Sanctuary at long last!"
Eddy: [tugging on the doors] "HEY BIG BRO! IT'S ME! EDDY!"
Edd: "Perhaps the front doors will yield a response!"
Eddy: "Good idea! I forgot my big bro hates back doors."
Ed: "Me too! We are so alike!"
Eddy: "Yeah right."
[The Eds run to the front doors of the factory.]
[Wilfred is following the trail. He stumbles down a hill as he leads Rolf into the field of cows.]
Rolf: "Hmm. Wilfred, look! What barbarian would allow their secreting masses of flesh to wander the field? Rolf fears a omen has befallen us." [He halts Wilfred and throws down a bucket.] "Guard the provisions. Rolf will interrogate this caboodle of bovine discord."
[Rolf climbs down. As he does so, he knocks a string of sausages loose. They dangle in front of Wilfred, and Wilfred begins to follow them.]
[Rolf has found an extremely fat cow. He milks it. Once finished, he moves out and grabs the bucket, not noticing that Wilfred has walked off. Rolf sips deeply of the milk.]
Rolf: [finishing] "The interrogation is complete, Wilfred. Nothing to fear." [He jumps.] "NAH-SHIZ-LOW!!!"
[Lying in front of Rolf is a cow. What scares Rolf is not the cow, but the cow's udder. What scares Rolf is not the udder, but the drawing on it–a mustached Eddy with "I ♥ Bro" on his shirt.]
Rolf: "Has the world lost its mind? The Ed-boys now have desecrated the sack of sustenance! Come, Wilfred! The Ed-boys must not escape!"
[Rolf looks around for Wilfred, but can't find him anywhere.]
Rolf: "Wilfred!" [Wilfred does not appear.] "Wilfred?" [A long shot of the field shows that Wilfred is gone.] "WILFRED!!!"
[Ed's head slams into the door to the factory before finally breaking through.]
Ed: "Knock knock, I am Ed!" [Eddy kicks the door open.]
Eddy: "Where is he? Do you see him?" [The factory is completely dark and nonoperational.] "Where ya hidin at, ya big lug?"
[The Eds stop in the middle of the factory. The door slams behind them.]
Ed: "Ollie ollie oxen free!" [He runs through the factory.] "Oh look, lots of stuffy stuff."
Eddy: "Bro! It's me, Eddy! You know–Pipsqueak?" [He looks around.] "Where is everybody? Are you sure this is the gag factory? 'Cause I ain't laughin."
Ed: [wearing a pair of gag glasses] "Looks gaggy to me, Eddy."
Edd: "Ed, comic book, please."
Eddy: "Man that joke's old."
Edd: "Exactly! This publication was printed over ten years ago!"
Ed: "Revolt of the Rotting Brains! A classic."
Eddy: "This comic's useless!" [He tosses it away.]
Ed: "Eddy!" [He gallops around, looking for it.] "Oh where, oh where has my rotting brain gone!"
Eddy: "We're hooped!" [He collapses to the dusty floor.] "We'll never find my brother, Double D."
Edd: "Never say never, Eddy. Perhaps old customer receipts or employee records will unearth a clue to his whereabouts."
Ed: "Choo choo!" [He pushes a heavy box into Eddy.] "Oh, look! Boxes stuffed with stuff!"
Edd: "Not again! Ed! We'll never make headway if you keep rummaging for–" [A rubber chicken hits him.]
Ed: "Chickens, Double D! Oh I love them to death I do!"
Eddy: "Can't have a party without a rubber chicken, Double D! Big bro said so."
Edd: "Edifying." [He approaches some stairs.] "I'll go examine the factory's filing cabinets and see what I can find." [He starts the climb.]
Eddy: [to Ed] "What else you got in there, lummox?"
[Edd stands at the office door. He tugs on rubber gloves and a surgical mask before entering. Inside, the lights switch on. Outside, Ed and Eddy are still looking for toys. Eddy finds something and hides it behind his back.]
Eddy: "Oh, Ed..." [He holds out the item.] "Gum?"
Ed: "Lucky me!" [He grabs a stick and pulls. The gum then proceeds to give him a severe electrical shock.]
Eddy: [laughing] "What a chump!" [Suddenly, he grabs his stomach.] "My stomach, Ed! I think I'm gonna–BLLAAAH!" [He tosses some fake vomit onto the floor.]
Ed: "Pardon me, miss, but I think you dropped your lunch!" [He throws it back down.]
Eddy: "Hey, quit tossing my cookies!"
Ed: "I upped your chuck, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Looks real, don't it?"
Ed: "No home should be without one, Eddy!"
[They break into raucous laughter as Edd, upstairs, fiddles with the files. He finds the employee file and opens it, only to dump the contents out; they're so old, they have crumbled into dust.]
Edd: [disgusted] "Goodness."
[Edd slams the cabinet shut and is thanked with a cloud of dust to his face. He then walks over to the trashcan and tosses away his mask before turning back to the file cabinet, labeler in hand.]
Edd: [exiting the office] "Have you two forgotten why we're here?" [He removes his gloves.] "Eddy?"
[Downstairs is nothing but silence. His friends have gone missing. Edd walks to the factory floor.]
Edd: "Ed? Hello!" [Nobody replies.] "Oh, for Pete's sake. If this is some kind of foolish joke you're playing, it's not funny."
[Edd walks around the dark, silent factory floor. Not finding his friends, he becomes scared.]
Edd: "Eddy? Ed?"
[A gear wheel clatters to the floor and rolls out from a gap between two machines. Edd approaches the gap.]
Edd: "Is anyone there?"
[Eddy steps out. He has a hatchet buried in his head.]
Eddy: "RUN DOUBLE D! Save yourself..." [He crumples to the ground.]
Edd: "EDDY! THIS CAN'T BE!" [He stumbles backwards into Ed, who has a fork through his head.]
Ed: [eyes rolled back in his skull] "If looks could kill I'd be dead."
Edd: "AAH! AAH! AAAH!"
Ed: [laughing and mocking him] "Aah! Aah! Help me! Help me! I'm Double D!" [Eddy joins in.]
Eddy: [lifting the hatchet] "It's a gag, see? What'd ya, fall off the back of a truck?"
Ed: [still giggling] "Aw, we're sorry, Double D. Jelly bean?" [He holds out a can.]
Edd: "Why, thank you, Ed. These should prove quite comforting, and I am a bit peckish." [He tries to open the lid twice, with no success.] "A stubborn lid, this." [He strains and finally breaks the seal.] "Ah, success."
[The factory bulges and explodes, raining down a tremendous amount of rubber snakes. The snakes fall all over in a rain, landing on a roadway. They fall everywhere, including on Nazz and Kevin. Kevin picks one up.]
Nazz: "Whoa! What's that?"
Kevin: [spotting the factory] "Dorks." [He grins evilly.]
[Wilfred has come to rest under a tree and is chewing on some sausages. He hears Rolf calling.]
Rolf: "Hallo! Wilfred?"
[Wilfred noses into the bushes and peeps out. He sees Rolf searching for him.]
Rolf: "Rolf is so sad! This is true! Like a little shrinking un-plucked billy goat, Rolf cries and cries and cries!"
[Behind Rolf's back is a shoe. Rolf smacks it against his hand. At this, Wilfred's eyes widen, and he charges.]
Rolf: "Stay back, or you will meet Rolf's shoe!" [Wilfred attacks Rolf.] "Mama, assist Rolf! The sow has ruptured! Wilfred!" [Wilfred clamps down on Rolf's stomach.] "Stop! Release Rolf!"
[Wilfred lets go, and Rolf's stack falls on him. Wilfred wriggles out and runs away, squealing. Rolf crawls from the wreckage, a strange device over his head.]
Rolf: "Wilfred?" [wrestling with it] "This thing must come–" [It snaps back onto his head.]
[The Eds are walking through another wooded area.]
Ed: [laughing] "Oh boy, Eddy, did you see him go flying? He flew like a canoe!" [pointing to a snake] "This doesn't even look like a jellybean!"
Eddy: "Just keep your eyes peeled, chuckles."
Edd: [yelling from far away] "Assistance please!"
Ed: "I think he flew over here, Eddy!"
Ed: [uprooting a tree] "What?"
Ed: "Double D!" [He tosses the tree over his shoulder and runs towards the sound.]
Eddy: "Hey!" [The tree lands on Eddy.]
Ed: [looking under a bush] "See?"
Eddy: "Why you dirty–"
Ed: "Tag! You're it!"
Eddy: "You're dead!"
[Eddy chases Ed off a cliff.]
Ed: "Look, I'm Double D! I'm flying!"
[They land next to a river.]
Eddy: "Idiot." [A shoe hits him.]
Edd: "Get me down from here!"
[Edd is hanging from a ledge on top of a waterfall by his hat.]
Ed: "Hi Double D!"
Eddy: "Hey Sockhead, can you see my bro's place from up there?"
Edd: [angry] "NO!!!! Now get me down!"
Eddy: "You heard him, lumpy."
Edd: "Hurry please, I'm afraid I can't hold on for much longer gentlemen!"
Eddy: "Hit him with something, Ed! Something big!"
[Ed throws Eddy at Edd. He scores a direct hit, and the two fall into the water at the waterfall's base. When they hit, all the water is splashed upwards, and a bunch of buried treasure is revealed. The water comes down, soaking everything in the vicinity.]
Ed: [drenched and shivering] "Cold!"
[Edd and Eddy crawl out of the water. Eddy drags Edd onto dry land with his upper lip, which has gotten wedged in Edd's gap.]
Ed: [impressed] "Fancy trick, Eddy! Where'd you learn to do that?"
Edd: "How mortifying!"
Eddy: "My big bro showed me!"
Ed: "Do tell!"
Eddy: "Yep, my bro's a whiz at harpooning whales!"
Edd: [upset] "He is? Your brother is a whaler?"
Eddy: "My mom's got fifty pounds of blubber in the freezer as we speak!"
Edd: "You mean all this time–"
Ed: "That's more blubber than my mom's got!"
Eddy: "And he's got a peg leg too! But that's what you get for wrestling walruses."
Edd: "Eddy! If your brother is a whaler, then he must reside by the sea!"
Ed: "How do we find it, Double D?"
Edd: "It's quite simple, Ed. You see, this stream is a veritable highway that will lead us straight to it. We merely need to float upon the current, and it will carry us to its opening and Eddy's brother's retreat."
[Sarah strains against bonds that tie her back. She and Jimmy have been forced to drag the Kankers' wagon along, acting like horses for the Kankers. Jimmy falters and falls.]
Sarah: "You've gotta get up, Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "I'm not gonna make it, Sarah!"
Lee: "Quit your squawkin and keep it movin!" [She picks up Sarah and turns her forward again.]
Marie: "Yeah, you heard her. We got boyfriends to save."
[Sarah growls, but then gets an idea. She smiles to herself sinisterly before turning around, a more sincere smile on her face.]
Sarah: "Gee, Lee, I love your toenail polish!"
Lee: "I said move–" [Lee realizes what Sarah said.] "Isn't that adorable? The kid wants to be just like us! Aww."
May: "Who doesn't?"
Marie: "She's kinda homely, if you ask me."
Lee: "Nobody's askin, Marie!" [She turns to Sarah with a bucket of paint.] "Here, kid. Knock yourself out."
Sarah: "Golly gee whilikers, thanks Lee!"
[Sarah grabs the paint and proceeds to slam it down onto Lee's hand. Lee screams in pain.]
[Sarah brings the bucket up into Lee's chin. Lee goes flying backwards.]
Lee: "We got chisled, girls!"
Sarah: [lifting Jimmy's chains] "Move it Jimmy!"
Marie: "I got em Lee!"
May: "Wait Marie–"
[Marie dives at them. This knocks them forward and provides the wagon with momentum. Unfortunately, it also knocks May off balance so that she can't aim her slingshot. May tumbles off, and the wagon sails forwards towards Lee.]
[Sarah grabs Jimmy's legs and manages to pull him free. The wagon continues forward, Marie still on it, and hits Lee. They slam into a tree and stay there, pinned.]
Lee: "Why you little brats! Teach em a lesson, May!" [May begins to chase them in circles.]
May: "You bet, Lee!"
Jimmy: "Ow, ah!"
May: [trying to grab them] "I gotcha! I gotcha! I gotcha. I gotcha!"
[A familiar pair of legs tramples down the sidewalk. They run down the street. Suddenly, a rope with a melon tied to its end goes flying. It crashes down on the sidewalk, and the rope goes slack, carving a straight line down the street. The rope tightens and the melon begins to move, coming forward until it hits a mailbox. There, it stops and holds steady, while our hero climbs it. He clambers onto the mailbox and looks in at the mail. Seeing no sign of trouble, he shuts the door.]
Captain Melonhead: "No sign of those fiends here, Splinter!"
[Captain Melonhead zooms off again. Spying the candy store, he decides to check the gumball machine.]
Captain Melonhead: "No Eds here!"
Splinter the Wonderwood:
Captain Melonhead: "Whaddya mean we ain't gettin anywhere?"
Splinter the Wonderwood:
Captain Melonhead: "We're takin the what?"
[Splinter pulls him forward.]
Captain Melonhead: "A bus?"
Splinter the Wonderwood:
Captain Melonhead: "My melon rind senses trouble, chum!" [despondent] "I've never taken a bus before."
Splinter the Wonderwood:
Captain Melonhead: "Huh? Nothing to it?"
Splinter the Wonderwood:
Captain Melonhead: "Boy, Plank, you sure turn into a fireball when you're wearing a mask! Okay then. If it means we bring down those three maniacs, we're takin a bus to justice!"
[The door to the factory creaks open. Kevin sticks his head in. Seeing nobody, he wheels his bike in. Nazz follows, shutting the door behind her. The factory is littered with the snakes.]
Nazz: "Dude! What's with all these stupid snake things?"
Nazz: [pointing to the office] "Kevin, look!"
Kevin: "You are so on fire today, Nazz."
[To emphasize this, he punches Nazz in the shoulder and heads up the stairs. Kevin kicks open the door and it crumbles to dust. He looks for the Eds.]
Kevin: "They were here, I can feel it."
[Kevin opens a drawer and finds a bunch of chattering teeth.]
Nazz: [scared] "Get it, Kevin!" [A toy rat is running in circles.]
Kevin: [shoving her aside and examining the rat] "What is this, a joke?"
[Nazz, who has fallen into the file cabinet, rubs her head. At that moment, a drawer behind her slides open, bashing her on the head again. Nazz slams it shut, and a label reading "Dusty Dusty Dusty" peels off.]
Kevin: [crushing the rat] "Those three two-timing twerps are really getting to me, man."
Nazz: [handing him the label] "Hey Kev, check this out!"
Kevin: "Dusty dusty dusty? I don't get it."
Nazz: "Sounds like something Double D would say. Don'tcha think?" [moving closer] "Don't ya?"
[Suddenly, the floor beneath her crumbles, and she falls. Nazz hits a switch for a machine, and it turns on. The factory awakens, grumbling into life. The lights come on and a bell rings. The machinery begins moving for perhaps the first time in 10 years.]
Nazz: "Ow! Oh!"
Kevin: [spotting Nazz] "You okay?"
Nazz: "What was up with that?"
[A thump comes and they turn to the source. Another machine is turning on. Coincidentally, this happens to have a large paddlewheel contraption. Even more coincidentally, Kevin's bike is parked against it. The bike begins to be raised by the wheel.]
Kevin: "Not my bike!"
Nazz: "I'll get it!" [trying to grab it] "I think I can reach it, Kev."
[Her shirt snags on the wheel, and she gets lifted up.]
Kevin: "Hang on!"
Nazz: [pointing to the lever] "I fell on that thing! Over there!"
[Kevin rushes over and begins to strain against it.]
Nazz: "Dude! What's taking you?"
[Kevin turns around. Seeing his bike about to topple, he panics.]
Kevin: "Gah! I'm coming, babe!"
[The bike falls into the machine, but Kevin grabs it. Nazz sees this.]
Nazz: "Hey! What are you doing?" [She falls into the machine.] "Kevin!"
[Nazz slams into Kevin, and both of them fall into the funnel, followed by the bike.]
[Edd works on the boat while Eddy relaxes in the shade. Suddenly, Ed grabs him.]
Ed: "Eddy!" [showing him the boat] "It's a duck! See?"
Eddy: [angry] "I thought you were making a boat!"
Edd: "And a boat it is, Eddy." [polishing it] "It mimics the common mallard in order to offer minimal disruption to the local fauna."
Eddy: [excited] "It's got a sauna?"
Ed: [jamming his head into Edd's face] "Saunas make me sweat! More."
[Edd tries to get loose. He does, but in the process loses his hat.]
Eddy: "My eyes! They're burning!"
Edd: "You stop that!"
Ed: "Does it hurt, Double D?"
Edd: "Oh shush!" [He grabs his hat back and cleans it.] "Can we please get down to the business at hand?" [putting his hat on] "Thank you. Ed, drumroll, please?"
Eddy: "For what?"
[Ed chuckles, pulls up his shirt, and begins to drum on his belly.]
Edd: "By the authority vested in me, sanctioned by want, I hereby christen this seaworthy vessel, the esteemed, um–" [reading the writing on the side] "S. S. Mutant Almost A Chicken Duck?" [Ed chuckles.]
Eddy: "Surprised you didn't run out of paint."
Edd: "Stand clear, gentlemen!"
[Edd swings the bottle forward. Unfortunately, it runs out of momentum just short of the side and hangs there, swinging. Eddy laughs.]
Eddy: "Hey muscles! Can we go now? My bro'll make us eat a barnacle if we show up while he's watching Matlock."
Ed: [excited] "He's gonna feed us, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Heck yeah! He was the royal cook for the king of Englishland."
Edd: "You mean England, Eddy."
Ed: "Alley-oop!" [He pulls the boat into the water.] "Aah!"
Eddy: "And away we go! It ain't nothin but smooth sailin straight to big bro's place, boys!"
[May runs through the field of sunflowers, looking for their captives.]
May: "Where'd they go?"
Lee: "You see em May?" [She runs into May.]
Marie: "Watch your back!" [She runs into Lee.]
Lee: [shoving Marie away] "Get off me!"
May: [getting up] "I coulda sworn they went this-a-way!"
Marie: "You'd lose your head if it weren't nailed down."
May: "My head ain't nailed!"
[Above them, Sarah and Jimmy cower, clinging to the leaves of a sunflower.]
Marie: "It's made of wood, ain't it?"
May: "No it's not."
Marie: "Yes it is."
May: "No it's not!" [A ladybug crawls onto Jimmy.]
Marie: "Pinocchio head." [Jimmy opens his mouth to scream.]
May: [whining] "Lee, Marie swore!" [Sarah clamps her hand over Jimmy's mouth.]
Lee: [grabbing them] "Why don't you two quit thinkin about yourselves–" [slamming them together] "–and think about our boyfriends!" [They slump to the ground. Sarah looks at the ladybug.] "They need us more than ever, girls."
[Sarah reaches out and thwacks the ladybug with her finger. The bug flies off and hits a sunflower. Lee looks up, alert, and runs in its direction.]
Lee: [to her sisters] "Move it!"
[May and Marie shake off their daze and run after their sister. Sarah and Jimmy slide down from the sunflower.]
Sarah: "I think they're gone, Jimmy." [turning to go in the other direction] "Ssh! Let's get the heck outta here."
[They crawl through the field. Suddenly, a loud snorting catches their attention.]
Jimmy: "Forest imps!"
[Sarah lifts a leaf out of the way and sees Wilfred.]
Sarah: "Ew, it's a pig!"
Jimmy: "That's Rolf's piggie, Sarah!" [patting it] "Hello, Wilfred!"
Sarah: "Don't touch it! Enough with the pig, let's just go." [Wilfred noses at Jimmy.]
Jimmy: "He must smell the sweet aroma of my no-time nibble." [unwrapping the caramel apple] "See? My candied apple, Sarah."
Lee: [offscreen] "Why's this place look familiar?"
Marie: "That's 'cause we're just walking around in a circle." [Sarah grabs the apple from Jimmy and dangles it in front of the pig. They clamber on and ride out of the sunflower patch.]
May: "But that would mean we're lost!"
Marie: "I know, woodhead."
[A bus pulls up to the curb. It's doors open and we see our heroes, ready to venture into the world so they may find and defeat the villainous scumbags Ed, Edd, and Eddy. Once Captain Melonhead sees the inside of the bus, though, his courage wavers.]
Captain Melonhead: "Whoa."
[Captain Melonhead and Splinter the Wonderwood climb aboard and nervously deposit five quarters into the collection box. He is about to take a seat when the bus moves forward, sending him tumbling into a man's legs.]
Captain Melonhead: "Oh! Sorry mister." [quieter] "Buses sure pack a wallop, huh Plank."
[Splinter the Wonderwood is nowhere to be found.]
Captain Melonhead: [scared] "Plank!?!?" [He begins to search for his sidekick.] "Buddy? Quit freaking me out, Plank!" [He stumbles into a woman's rump.] "Oh! Sorry! Excuse me! Pardon me! Has anybody seen my pal?"
[Captain Melonhead stumbles through a veritable jungle of legs, looking all over for his best friend. When he makes it to the front, he clings to a pole for dear life. However, when our brave captain looks at the driver, he sees an unexpected sight.]
Captain Melonhead: "Plank! Was that you?"
[Splinter the Wonderwood has commandeered the bus. The destination name changes from 160 Downtown to VENGEANCE. Splinter steers the bus downtown as Captain Melonhead joyfully rejoices in finding his friend again.]
Captain Melonhead: "PPLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNKKKKKKKK!!!!"
[The duck boat sits in a swamp, its neck broken and its body abandoned. As we watch, it lifts it's head a few inches before dropping the beak back into the murky water. It does this again.]
Eddy: [annoyed] "Where's your fauna now, Mr. Duck Boat?"
Edd: "The collision was unavoidable, Eddy! It was the unpredictable current that proved unfavorable!"
Eddy: [slapping a mosquito] "Unbelievable! All I know is we're stuck in a swamp off the middle of nowhere!" [He uses his shirt as a bandana.] "Big bro ain't gonna be impressed." [He slaps another mosquito.]
Edd: [on the edge] "Is that what you think? That I'm here to impress your brother?" [Ed crawls from the swamp.] "That I would forsake my home and family for something as trivial as–"
Ed: "Buttered toast!" [He dives into the water.]
Edd: [on a new tack] "Perhaps we should talk about you and Ed's immature behavior. I'm sure he'd like to hear about that. Well I'll have you know, if it hadn't been for my–"
Ed: "Crocodile attack!"
[Ed leaps on Eddy, pretending to be a crocodile.]
Eddy: "He's a mean one!" [play-fighting with Ed] "Ah-ha!" [He laughs as he runs away from Ed.]
Ed: [giving chase] "I will chomp you!"
Edd: [worried] "Wait! Where are you two going?" [He goes after them, tiptoeing from tiny island to tiny island.] "Oh dear. A malodorous marsh is not a place to play, gentlemen! Do you hear me?" [He reaches solid ground.]
Eddy: "Over here, Sockhead, hey!" [Edd turns to him.] "Help me out of this molasses, it's trying to swallow me."
[Ed and Eddy are sinking in quicksand.]
Ed: "Wiggle my toes, wiggle my toes."
Edd: [sweating] "Make no sudden movements. You're sinking in QUICKSAND!!!!"
Eddy: [scared] "Quicksand? Ed! We're done for!" [He hugs his friend.]
Ed: "We are so in manure!"
Eddy: "Immature, stupid, immature QUICK ED! We're really sinking now!"
Ed: [going under] "To all the girls I loved before."
Eddy: "No! Ed!" [He pulls his friend out.] "Hang on, man!"
Ed: "Help! Help!"
Eddy: "Double D! Do something!"
Edd: [creating a rope from vines as his friends cry for help] "Stay calm, don't panic." [finishing] "I got it!" [He tosses it in the sand.] "Quickly, take hold of that–"
[Edd stops talking. The rope lands on top of the sand. His friends are no more.]
Edd: "No. NO. NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" [He frantically searches through the mud.] "Where are you? Eddy! Ed! Oh don't you give up on me! Answer me!" [He gives up and begins to cry.] "Please?" [weeping] "Why oh why did you listen to me? This is all my fault! I should have never let you leave the cul-de-sac!"
[As Edd cries, a handkerchief is held out to him. Edd reaches for it.]
Edd: "Thank you, Ed. Goodness, Ed, that's filthy."
[Edd's eyes bulge. Ed and Eddy are in front of him, covered in mud but otherwise no worse for wear.]
Eddy: [grinning] "Gotcha." [The two burst into laughter. Edd stands up.] "Man, you're such a sap! This muck's only ankle deep! Can't sink in it!"
Ed: "Got that right, Eddy! Because sinks are Mother Nature's own cereal bowl!" [Edd turns around and walks off.]
Eddy: "Hey Sockhead, where you going?" [disgruntled] "You got somewhere to be? What?"
[Edd walks through the swamp until he reaches a dock. He heaves himself up onto it. Water drips off of him, and he slips on it. Edd makes a label reading "Caution", slaps it on a puddle, and continues walking.]
Eddy: "Hey!" [He and Ed follow Edd.] "Where ya goin? You're headin back into the swamp!" [reaching for Edd's shoulder] "My bro don't live–"
Edd: [slapping his hand away] "Don't you dare touch me!" [releasing his repressed rage] "A sap? Well excuse my sincerity, but thinking I had lost the only two people I have left in this world–"
Eddy: [smiling, sure Edd's putting on an act] "And?"
Edd: [angrier] "It's surprising, because your stubborn, inane desire to shock, sandbag and swindle is what put us here in the first place!"
Ed: [indignant] "I helped too!"
[Edd turns to Ed angrily. Edd then turns back to Eddy and resumes his rant.]
Edd: "You and your nefarious scams!"
Eddy: [angry as well] "Like you were picking daisies! You built the stupid thing!"
Edd: "If you had paid attention to what I said and not pushed the red button–" [They begin to grapple with each other.]
Ed: "Stop! I demand you tickle each other right now!"
Edd and Eddy: "Stay out of it, Ed!"
Ed: "The evil dark side has consumed them both! Trouble! Bad! Pain!"
Edd: "I've had enough!" [He kicks Eddy off.] "I'm returning home!"
Ed: "But we can't go home, Double D!"
Edd: "I'd rather face my consequences, Ed, than wander aimlessly with a so-called friend!"
[As he storms off, Eddy's eyes fill with tears.]
Ed: "Say it ain't so! We are three no more, Eddy! Like hop, skip, and no jump! Like up, up and no away! Like blah, blah without the other blah!"
Eddy: [snapping] FINE! GO HOME! I DON'T BLAME YA! 'CAUSE EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT!" [bursting into tears] "YEAH, YOU HEARD ME! A FOUL-UP WANNABE LOSER!" [He cries. Edd turns back.]
Eddy: [sobbing] "What?"
Edd: "Your shirt, Eddy."
Eddy: [turning to face him, confused] "My shirt?"
Edd: [pointing at it] "Are those salt deposits from your lamentation?"
[Eddy looks down. Edd quickly thwacks his nose.]
Ed: [cheering] "WE ARE FRIENDS ONCE MORE, GUYS!" [He hugs them close.] "To Eddy's big bro's house!" [He carries them on his shoulders.]
Edd: "Not that way, Ed." [He turns Ed in the right direction.] "This way."
Eddy: "You heard my pal, Ed!"
Edd: "What would you do without me, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Don't milk it, Sockhead."
[A rumbling and and screaming from a pipe as a heavy load travels along it. The pipe spits its load out in the swamp. The load in question is Nazz. She is quickly followed by a second load consisting of Kevin and his bike. Kevin is spit out behind Nazz, and he runs over her with his bike. When he finally stops it, he is in a clearing. Kevin quickly removes his shirt and uses it to sponge off his soaked bike as an angry Nazz arrives.]
Nazz: [angry] "How's your bike!"
Kevin: [oblivious] "Oh, hey Nazz."
[Nazz slaps Kevin.]
Kevin: [confused] "What was that for, man?"
Nazz: [through her teeth] "It's late, and I'm cold."
[Nazz and Kevin stare at each other for a few seconds.]
Nazz: "Fine. I'll make the fire." [She stomps off.]
Kevin: [slapping a mosquito] "Sweet."
[Nazz rubs two sticks together. When this fails to get a spark, she tries again. Finally she smacks the sticks on the kindling. When this doesn't work, she throws them on the kindling. At this moment, the wood erupts into flame. Nazz warms her hands by the fire.]
Kevin: "Wicked fire, Nazz. Can I join you?"
[Nazz ignores him.]
Kevin: "Um, I got a peanut butter sandwich. I'll split it with ya."
[Nazz grabs the whole sandwich and scarfs it. Kevin's stomach rumbles, and he moves closer to Nazz.]
Kevin: "Sure could use another sandwich." [He places his hand on her arm.]
Nazz: [forgiving him] "Yeah...sorry about that, dude."
Kevin: "Aw, don't sweat it, doll."
[Kevin puts his arm around her, and Nazz reciprocates. They come closer together.]
Nazz: "Kev? Sorry I slapped you. It's been like such a crazy day today."
Kevin: "No foolin."
Nazz: "No foolin."
Kevin: "Wait, don't move."
[Kevin leaves. Nazz clasps her hands in anticipation of a gift.]
Kevin: "Almost left her out in the cold."
[Kevin has come back with his bike. Nazz's eyes bulge.]
Kevin: "Bad for the paint, y'know?"
[Nazz shoves him away from the bike, grabs it, and runs with it. She then winds up and throws it into the swamp. It hits a tree and lodges there.]
Nazz: "THAT'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR STUPID BIKE!"
[Kevin runs into the swamp and begins to clamber up the tree.]
Kevin: "I just don't get her, man."
Nazz: [offscreen] "Whoa! Help!"
[Kevin looks back towards their campsite. Nazz is gone and the fire has been extinguished. Kevin quickly runs back.]
Kevin: "Yo, Nazz! Where are ya?"
[The moon shines down brightly on the swamp. Below, yet another vengeance seeker is looking for the Eds. He cuts a more pitiful figure than most, though. This is mainly owing to the fact that he is wearing a strange helmet on his head and appears to be blind. This is accentuated when he runs into a tree.]
Rolf: "Who goes there?"
[Rolf punches straight through the tree. He then tries to yank his arm free. When he does so, he breaks the tree in three and falls in the water. The third part is the section he punched, which remains stubbornly around his wrist. He gropes for shore; finding it, he hauls himself up.]
Rolf: "I'll get you, insubordinate–"
[The tree slams into him. Fortunately, it cracks as a direct result of this. Rolf, dazed by the blow, staggers around in the middle of the road. At this moment, a truck horn honks and lights shine on Rolf's face.]
[The horn honks again right before the truck hits Rolf. Rolf is knocked backwards by the blow, but some good comes of this; the helmet breaks, allowing Rolf to see again. The truck then pulls to a stop, and its' lights shine on Rolf's face. Suddenly, we are able to see that the truck is in fact the Kanker sisters' wagon, the lights are flashlights mounted on it, and the horn is a clown horn.]
Lee: [leering] "Looks like we lucked out, girls."
Marie: "It's one of them! Who's after our boyfriends!"
[The Kankers grab Rolf.]
[The Eds trundle down the road. Fireflies start to gather.]
Ed: "Look! Alien spaceships are attacking!" [Edd takes out a jar and captures them.]
Eddy: "That's stupid."
Edd: "Call it Lampyridae, Ed."
Eddy: "Say what?"
Edd: "Fireflies, Eddy. These nocturnal luminescent beetles will help shed light on our journey."
Ed: "Fancy bug butts, I must say." [He yawns.]
Eddy: [tapping the jar] "So these things know where my bro lives?" [He yawns.]
Edd: "Hardly." [He yawns.] "Oh, pardon me. But they can help us find a safe place to rest for the night."
Eddy: "We passed a motel a ways back. We coulda stopped there." [He yawns.]
Edd: "Motels cost money, Eddy." [He yawns.] "Excuse me. Have you any money, Eddy?"
Eddy: [after a yawn] "I would if that stupid scam worked."
[Ed leads them into a clearing and sits down.]
Ed: "Ed pooped. Sleepytime guys." [He yawns.]
Edd: "An appropriate place as any, I suppose."
Ed: "Nighty night!"
[Ed burrows into the ground and wiggles around until he finds a big rock. He then lies against it, using the dirt as a blanket.]
Ed: "Ahh, comfy." [Eddy snickers, and Edd goes off to do something. Ed taps Eddy on the back with his foot.] "Psst! Psst! Eddy, can I have a good night kiss?"
Eddy: "What are ya?" [He tries to pull himself free, and instead pulls him to another rock before getting loose.]
Edd: [stepping over Ed] "Excuse me Ed." [He labels the rock.]
Eddy: [peeling off the label and reading it] "Yet. Another. Boulder."
[He looks up and sees that Edd has labeled the entire campsite.]
Eddy: "Hey Sockhead, quit turning everything into your bedroom!"
Edd: "It's just that it's difficult for me to sleep in an unlabeled environment."
Eddy: "Snore! I'm getting some shut-eye." [He tries, but almost falls off the rock. When he clambers back on, he tries another position, but this one hurts his back.] "This bed's killing me!"
Ed: "Trade ya, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Quit talking in your sleep, Ed."
[The sun dawns brightly, beaming down on a picturesque field. The picture is only marred by a despondent boy wheeling his bike across the grass. The boy looks exhausted, as though he's been up all night.]
Kevin: "Oh, what's the use? Probably getting back at me. For what, I don't know."
[He spots a speck of mud on his bike and tries to clean it. Suddenly, he spots something, and his eyes bulge. He looks at it; it is Eddy. Eddy jumps in fear and clambers over a rock to a hiding spot.]
Kevin: "Eddy?" [Rejuvenated, he leaps on his bike and gives chase.] "Eddy!"
[Eddy's feet pound the ground as he races to escape Kevin.]
Kevin: "Time's up, Dorko!"
[Marie, disguised as Eddy, rounds a corner and ducks behind a tree stump to where her sisters are.]
Marie: [removing the hairpiece] "What a drip! He fell for it like a ton of canned hams."
[Kevin is picking up speed when May is suddenly stuck into his path. Kevin's body slams into the human block and wraps around her. His bike continues at it's high pace and slams into a concrete barrier, crumpling into a complete wreck.]
Lee: [unravelling Kevin] "So watch where you ride, huh tough guy?"
[Edd is snoring peacefully away. His friends are snoring as well. Suddenly, Edd sniffs the air. Catching a foul odor, he awakens. Looking up, he sees that he and his friends have in the night huddled together, and that Ed's butt is currently resting on his head.]
Edd: "Is that Ed's–" [He quickly gets up. Ed falls onto Eddy.] "Good lord! Horrid! Icky! Foul!" [after a beat] "Oh, who am I kidding. I just slept in my clothes!"
[Edd goes over to the jar of fireflies and opens it. Eddy begins to fight his way out from under Ed.]
Eddy: [throwing Ed off] "GET OFF!" [Ed lands in front of him.] "Shoulda stayed at that motel."
[Suddenly, a deep rumbling is heard, and an earthquake occurs. Ed stands up.]
Ed: [belly rumbling] "Yep. Belly's empty. Breakfast, Double D?"
Edd: "I'm afraid we haven't any food, Ed."
Ed: [panicking] "Food for Ed! Eat now! Ed hungry! Eddy, belly sad!" [He pulls out Eddy's hairs.] "Breakfast for Ed, Eddy!" [Ed gallops off, desperately searching for food.]
Eddy: "Breakfast? I'm in!" [He runs after Ed.]
Edd: [bringing up the rear] "Wait! Where are we going?"
Eddy: "Thataboy! Find me an omelette, Ed! And some bacon!"
Edd: [realizing they've gone off a cliff] "Stop!" [He grabs Eddy.]
Eddy: "Ed!" [Eddy grabs Ed, and all three fall to earth.]
The Eds: "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
[Suddenly, the screaming stops. A seat from a Ferris wheel rises up, the Eds on it.]
Eddy: "What happened?"
Edd: "We seem to be on a Ferris wheel! Eddy!"
Ed: [scared] "Too high guys!"
Edd: "Ed! Stay calm. No sudden movements now."
Ed: [leaping out] "Down for Ed, Double D!" [He starts to run on the cars, spinning the wheel around.]
Edd: "Ed! No!"
[Ed runs faster and faster, spinning the wheel at incredible speed. His foot catches on the seats in which his friends are sitting, and he gets in with them. Shortly thereafter, the Eds fly out of the car and hit a sign over the amusement park's entrance. The sign breaks off and falls. Edd heaves himself out from under it.]
Edd: "Oh, now look what we've done! Goodness gracious, when will this day of malfunction and mishap–" [He realizes his friends haven't come out from under the board.] "–um–end?" [Eddy pulls himself out.]
Eddy: "I'm really starting to hate slapstick." [Edd stares at the board in quiet contemplation.]
Ed: [holding up a half-eaten corn dog] "Breakfast, guys. Finders keepers!" [He gobbles it.]
Eddy: "Glutton." [He walks over to Edd.]
Edd: "Mondo A-Go Go. Now why does that sound familiar?"
Eddy: "It don't. Ed! Find me one of those corn dogs, will ya? I could eat a horse." [Edd reaches into Eddy's pocket and searches through it. He pulls out Eddy's wallet.] "Hey hey hey! Get your mitts off my wallet."
Edd: [showing off the postcard] "Eddy, look!"
[The postcard is a copy of the park's sign.]
Edd: "Mondo A-Go Go! See how the billboard and the postcard your brother sent you match? He must have mailed it from this amusement park!"
Eddy: [getting it] "It does? He did?" [grabbing his friends] "He's here?" [leaping into the air ecstatically] "WE'RE HERE!" [He races around the park, looking for his brother.] "BIG BRO! WHERE ARE YOU, BUDDY? HEY!"
Edd: [helping him search] "There's so many places he could be, Eddy!"
Ed: "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!"
Eddy: "BIG BRO! IT'S ME! EDDY!" [to his friends] "LOOKING KEEP LOOKING! HE'S GOTTA BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!" [from a telephone pole] "BRO!"
[While his friends frantically look for Eddy's brother, Ed stands up and slowly walks towards something he sees, as if he's in a trance. He stops, looking at it with a dazed look on his face.]
Eddy: [noticing Ed] "Hey, why don't you quit standing there and do something–"
Ed: "WHALE!" [He points to it.]
Edd: "A whale?" [Ed is pointing at a whale-shaped trailer.] "Eddy, didn't you say your brother was once a whaler?"
Eddy: "That's his place!" [ecstatic] "That's gotta be his house!"
Ed: [running around] "Eddy's big bro! I am Ed! See me?!?" [He falls out of his pants.] "I am okay."
Edd: [looking through his ties] "Opinion please, Ed. What do you think? Plaid? Stripes. Perhaps more conservative, yes?" [He selects his usual tie.]
Eddy: "Our problems are over, boys!" [He strides towards the trailer.]
[Jimmy is happily riding Wilfred. Suddenly, a crunch comes from behind him. Sarah has fallen off the pig.]
Sarah: "Darn it!"
Jimmy: "Sarah? Are you okay?" [He falls off as well.] "Oh, phooey."
Sarah: "We fell off that stupid slippery pig all the way over here, Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "Wilfred can't help his oily complexion, Sarah!" [Wilfred squeals.] "Ooh! I think he wants us to follow him! Hurry!"
Sarah: [muttering] "Oh for Pete's sake."
[Wilfred leads them down the road. They are but a few blocks from Mondo A-Go Go.]
[Eddy climbs the steps to the trailer.]
Eddy: "Super sweet!"
[Eddy is about to knock when a hand grips his shoulder and yanks him away.]
Lee: [hugging him] "Your knights in shining armor have arrived!"
Edd: [shocked] "May? Lee? Marie?"
Marie: "We got your back, cutie-pie." [She empties the wagon of its cargo: Kevin, Nazz, and Rolf.]
Rolf: "Double D Ed-boy?"
Kevin: "It's the dorks!"
Eddy: [shocked] "What are they doing here? What are you doing here?"
Lee: "Taking care of our boyfriends."
May: [to Ed] "They were chasing you to beat you up!"
Marie: "Yeah!" [She pins Edd against the trailer.] "No one beats up our little love muffins!"
Edd: [sweating profusely] "Yes. I mean no. What? Yes?"
[A pig squeals.]
Rolf: "Wilfred!" [He sits up.] "Is that you?"
[Wilfred arrives in a break between stands.]
Sarah: [following him in] "I swear if he eats one more corn dog off the ground, I'll–"
Marie: "Look! It's those twerps!"
Ed: [joyous] "Baby sister!"
Sarah: [annoyed] "Jeepers, Ed, you're still in one piece!"
Jimmy: "Did we miss the Eds beating?"
Kevin: "Nope!" [He grabs Eddy's leg.] "You're just in time."
Eddy: "No! Wait!" [He pauses and realizes he can step out of Kevin's grasp. After doing so, he turns to the crowd.] "In your dreams, shovel-chin. Tell you what, why don't you–" [standing by the trailer] "–talk to my bro! He lives here, you know."
Nazz: [gagged] "Hmm?"
Kevin: "No way."
Rolf: "Could this be true?"
Lee: "Get in line, girls."
Eddy: "Yeah. So tell him how you're gonna beat up his little bro."
[Eddy knocks on the door. It creaks open a few inches, revealing that it is bolted numerous times.]
Eddy's Brother: "Park don't open till noon."
Eddy: [awestruck, to Edd] "I told you he's a whiz at telling time!"
Eddy's Brother: "Pipsqueak?"
Eddy: "Bro!" [moving Edd aside] "Look out!"
Eddy's Brother: "Do Mom and Dad know you're here?"
Eddy: "As if!"
Eddy's Brother: "Anyone know you're here?"
Eddy: "Only these chumps who chased us here!"
Eddy's Brother: "Just a sec." [He unbolts the door and steps out.] "Aren't those ankle-biters from the cul-de-sac?"
Eddy: "Yeah! And they wanna beat me up! All for nothin!"
[Eddy's Brother turns his tinted sunglasses towards the kids.]
Kevin: "He's lookin at you, Rolf. Later."
[Kevin ducks behind him. Eddy's brother removes his shades.]
Eddy's Brother: "All for nothin, huh?" [He picks up Eddy.] "Still the troublemakin Eddy, I see." [He gives Eddy a noogie.]
Eddy: [chuckling] "Stop it, bro!"
Ed: "I smell my fingers after I eat cheese."
Eddy: "Um, I told the guys you'd put us up." [gesturing to them] "Ed–and Double D."
Edd: [starstruck, holding out his hand to shake] "I guthink it's very wuh ah ooh..." [He swoons.]
Eddy's Brother: [laughing] "Why's your girlfriend wearing a sock on her head?"
Eddy: [confused] "Girlfriend?"
Eddy's Brother: "Yeah, sure. I'll help you out." [The Eds grin.]
Eddy: [awestruck] "Really? Aw, bro, what'd I do without you!" [He hugs his big brother tightly.] "You are so my hero!"
Ed: [hugging Edd] "Happy place, Double D, happy place!"
Jimmy: "Isn't it touching, Sarah? It's like a fairy tale come true!"
Kevin: [as the kids untie one another] "Eddy and his two stooges got away with their lives, man. And we got burned again."
Eddy: [offscreen] "Bro no!"
Eddy's Brother: "Just for old times' sake, let's play...Uncle."
Eddy: [unhappy] "Uncle?"
Eddy's Brother: [throwing Eddy down] "Wanna crash at my place, don'tcha?"
Eddy: "That's why we came all the way–Uncle! Uncle!" [Eddy's brother is twisting his leg into a spiral.] "Uncle!"
Eddy's Brother: "Say what?"
Eddy: "Uncle! Uncle! Uncle uncle!"
Edd: [gulping] "Oh my."
[Eddy's brother sets Eddy down and laughs as Eddy spins uncontrollably. When Eddy finishes, his big brother grabs him.]
Eddy's Brother: "That was good, Pipsqueak."
Eddy: "So can we go inside now?"
Eddy's Brother: [stroking his goatee] "Why not?" [sadistically] "Don't forget to wipe your feet."
[Eddy gets thrown against the door to the trailer. He bounces off, back to his brother, and the torture is repeated. This happens numerous times as the kids watch, shocked.]
Nazz: "Dude. Eddy's brother is a real jerk."
Lee: "What's he doin to my man!"
[Lee's sisters have to hold her back to keep her from attacking Eddy's brother. By this time, each shot is thrown so hard that it nearly knocks the trailer over.]
Eddy: [exhausted] "Bro! Give it up!"
Eddy's Brother: [sarcastically surprised] "Give it up? I thought you wanted to hang with your hero." [He smiles sadistically.]
Eddy: "I do, bro, I do!"
Edd: "Mister Eddy's brother! As the older sibling, don't you think you should rather be setting an example for Eddy, and not–um–" [Eddy's Brother smiles sinisterly.] "–belittle him–in front of his–friends?"
Eddy's Brother: [as Eddy tries to get away] "Belittle? He's always been little. I like you, girlfriend." [He slams Eddy down on Edd, smashing Edd into the ground.] "You got spunk."
Ed and Marie: [shocked] "Double D!"
Sarah: "What the heck?"
Jimmy: [panicking] "SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!"
Rolf: [puffing out his chest] "Rolf has had enough of your platdoodle, elder one! Prepare yourself for a merciless thrashing!" [He pushes Kevin in front. Kevin at first looks surprised but soon regains his confidence.]
Kevin: "Hey! Bro guy! Lay off him, man!"
[At this point, Eddy is clinging to the trailer door while his brother is trying to yank him back to be punished.]
Nazz: "Yeah, mister macho man!"
[The door is tearing off its hinges. Ed notices and has a sudden idea. He reaches over and pulls the pin from one of the hinges. The door breaks loose from this one, and is quickly followed with the other hinge giving way. The door flies towards Eddy's brother and smacks him squarely, knocking him over. Eddy hands on to the door as it flips and crashes. The kids back up as it lands in front of them. Eddy's brother stumbles around, dazed.]
Eddy's Brother: "Uuuuhhhh....unnnccclllleeee." [He collapses.]
Edd: [rushing towards Eddy with Ed in tow] "Eddy, speak to me!" [reaching him] "Are you all right?"
Eddy: [pushing his hands away unhappily] "I made it all up, Double D. Everything about my brother was a lie. I made things up so people would like me. Think I was cool. But boy was I wrong. The scam, my brother...this...when am I gonna learn, Double D?" [Tears leak from his eyes.]
Edd: "I think you just have, Eddy." [Eddy grins, glad his friends still accept him.]
Kevin: "Grab him!"
[The kids rumble towards the Eds.]
Ed: "No! Take me!"
Eddy: [cowering] "Okay! I'm sorry! Honest! I didn't mean to hurt you guys!"
[The kids grab Eddy and toss him in the air, catching him each time, and celebrating his victory.]
Rolf: "Let Rolf rub the pit of victory, Ed-boy!" [He rubs Eddy's armpit.]
Nazz: "I'm so glad you're okay, dude." [She hugs Eddy and gives him a big kiss.] "You're awesome."
Eddy: "I am?"
Kevin: "I gotta admit, pal, that was so choice."
Eddy: "It was?"
[Eddy grins. As the kids and the Eds congregate, the Kanker sisters go over to Eddy's brother.]
Lee: "What a deadbeat this guy turned out to be."
Marie: "He don't look so tough."
[Suddenly, a bus honks as it pulls in. It parks by a truck, and the doors swing open. Jimmy cowers while everyone else looks at it, confused. A voice speaks from it, and the Eds start in fear.]
Captain Melonhead: "The time of reckoning is now, rapscallions!"
[Two masked figures leap from the bus and rush towards Eddy.]
Captain Melonhead: "It's Melon Time!"
Eddy: "WHERE'D HE COME FROM? Jonny! No! Wait!"
[Splinter grabs the Eds and tosses them in the air. They land on top of one another, and Captain Melonhead leaps on top of the pile of Eds.]
Captain Melonhead: "No thanks are necessary, citizens." [He grins proudly.]
Sarah: "You idiot! Leave our friends alone!" [She attacks him.]
Kevin: "Back off, melon dweeb!" [He joins in the attack.]
Rolf: "Leave some produce for Rolf!" [He leaps into the fray. Jimmy helps the Eds up, and the fight concludes.]
Kevin: [wiping his hands] "Sorry about that. Say, let's go to my place! Jawbreakers are on me!"
[The kids cheer, and the Eds grin.]
Jimmy: "Party at Kevin's, yay!"
Eddy: "We did it, Double D! Everyone loves us! We're finally in, baby!"
Edd: "And it only took 130 episodes, 4 specials, and a movie, Eddy."
Ed: "Let's sing a song!"
And it hurts you know"
When you step on your face
And your teeth are misplaced
Friends are there to help you
When you're flying low
And you're giving a show
Friends are there to help you
When you take off your shoe
And your feet stink pee-yew
Friends are there to help you."
[As the kids sing the song, Wilfred eats out of Captain Melonhead's downed helmet. The Kankers are focused on something else entirely: dragging Eddy's brother inside.]
Lee: "First one inside gets to give him mouth to mouth!"
[When the Kankers finish putting Eddy's brother inside, Marie reattaches the door, and shortly thereafter, a flurry of girlish giggling erupts. As the kids finish the song, the screen fades to black, and Edd uses his labeler one last time, in order to put a label reading "The End" on the screen.]
Jimmy: "Second verse, same as the first!"
[The credits roll as the kids sing.]
Matt Hill (Ed)
Samuel Vincent (Edd)
Tony Sampson (Eddy)
Keenan Christenson (Jimmy)
David Paul Grove (Jonny)
Janyse Jaud (Sarah, Lee)
Kathleen Barr (Kevin, Marie)
Erin Fitzgerald (Nazz, May)
Peter Kelamis (Rolf)
Terry Klassen (Eddy's Brother)
Additional Storyboard Artists:
Supervising Animation Director:
Marlene Robinson May
Exposure Sheet Directors:
Marlene Robinson May
Kwang Jin Kim
Chul Ki Kwon
Suck Ho Shin
Assistant to the Animation Director:
Post Production Supervisor:
Music Recording Engineer:
Sound Effects Editors:
Jeremy Duayne Elzinga
Audio Assistant Editor:
Audio Technical Support:
Studio Audio Assistants:
VoiceBox Productions Inc.
Studio Post & Imaging Inc.
MX Solutions Inc.
Post Audio Facility:
dbc sound inc
Executive in Charge of Production for Cartoon Network:
[The sun rises on a bright new day in the cul-de-sac. In the lane, a familiar red hedge rises. Beneath it is a periscope. When we follow it, we find it leads down into the earth into the Melon Cave. Captain Melonhead cackles evilly, his costume in tatters.]
Captain Melonhead: [crazy] "This is your craazzyest plan ever, Plank! We'll show them!" [He spins Plank's chair around.] "WE'LL SHOW THEM ALL!"
Splinter the Wonderwood:
Captain Melonhead: [leaning towards his sidekick] "What's that? They did, didn't they?" [He grins insanely.] "Yeeeaahhh..." [serious] "The goody-goody-two-shoe days of Captain Melonhead and Splinter have come to an end!" [He rushes into the darkness in the back of the cave. When he arrives, he has on a new cape.] "And out of the darkness will rise the villainous days of the Gourd!" [He plops a gourd on his head.]
The Gourd: "And his evil cohort, Timber, the Dark Shard!" [He swishes his cape dramatically.] "Together, we will exact revenge, on the entire cul. De. Sac!!!"
[The Gourd spins around evilly, laughing insanely. Suddenly, he stops.]
Timber, the Dark Shard:
The Gourd: "What?"
Timber, the Dark Shard:
The Gourd: "There's no time left?"
Timber, the Dark Shard:
The Gourd: "It's the end of the movie? What movie?"
Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999-2009)