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Marvel's Deadpool - iTunes Movie Poster
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Deadpool 2
[incomplete: unfixed/messed & scrolling is too long]

OVER BLACK. Low volume, through a tinny speaker, JUICE
NEWTON'S `ANGEL OF THE MORNING.'
FADE UP ON:
EXT./INT. TAXI CAB - MORNING
DEADPOOL, in full DRESS REDS and MASK, quietly FIDGETS in the BACK SEAT of a TAXI CAB as it proceeds along a CITY FREEWAY.
Deadpool adjusts the two KATANAS strapped to his back. Rolls the WINDOWS up, down, up. Tries futilely to untwist the seatbelt, then LUNGES forward, locking it up. Rifles through a tourist booklet and tears out a HAUNTED SEGWAY TOUR coupon. The CABBIE, young, thin, brown, glances back and forth from the rear view to the road to the rear view.

DEADPOOL: Kinda lonesome back here. (CUT TO: DEADPOOL, WEDGING himself through the opening between the back seat and front. His two katanas don't cooperate, catching on the Plexiglas, stalling him mid-torso.) Little help?
(The cabbie grabs Deadpool's hand and pulls him through to the front. Deadpool's head rests upside down on the bench seat as he maneuvers his legs through. The cabbie turns the helping hand into a HANDSHAKE, then turns down the Juice.)
CABBIE: Dopinder.
DEADPOOL: (still upside-down) Pool. Deadpool.

(Dopinder is remarkably UNAFFECTED by the lunatic in his cab.)

                         DOPINDER
               Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
                         DEADPOOL
               It's like Christmas Day, Dopinder. Been
               waiting one thousand eight hundred twenty-
               two days, three hours...
                   (checks `Adventure Time'
                    watch)
               ...and thirty-six minutes for this shit.



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                     2.
                 Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

1 CONTINUED: 1

   DEADPOOL turns himself RIGHT-SIDE-UP in the front seat. He
   is YOKED to the gills and ARMED to the teeth. TWIN KATANAS.
   TWIN DESERT EAGLE .50 CALIBER PISTOLS.
   Deadpool grabs Dopinder's OPEN BAG of CORN NUTS. Dopinder
   isn't quick enough to stop him. Deadpool gazes out the
   window onto the city - a teeming, sooty urban sprawl that
   looks almost... pre-post-apocalyptic.
   Deadpool turns up his MASK. Dopinder catches a GLIMPSE of
   the bottom of a SCARRED face. And quickly looks AWAY.
   Deadpool eats the CORN NUTS. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. Points.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Nice.
   Dopinder eyes his DAFFODIL DAYDREAM AIR FRESHENER and takes a
   deep breath through his nose.
                          DOPINDER
                Smells good, no?
                          DEADPOOL
                Not the Daffodil Daydream.      The girl.
   A PICTURE of a young INDIAN WOMAN is taped to the dash.
                          DOPINDER
                Ah yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She
                was supposed to make me a very agreeable
                wife. Mom and Dad chose her rather
                excellently. But Gita's heart has been
                stolen by my cousin Bandhu. Bandhu is as
                dishonorable as he is attractive.
                          DEADPOOL
                Dopinder, I'm starting to think I'm in
                this cab for a reason.
                          DOPINDER
                Because you hailed it?
                          DEADPOOL
                No, my slender brown friend... to give
                you one crucial piece of advice: Love...
                is a beautiful thing. When it finds you,
                the whole world smells like Daffodil
                Daydream.
   Deadpool's own heartbreak is palpable.        He takes another
   deep, cleansing BREATH.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    3.
                Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

1 CONTINUED: (2) 1

                         DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
               So hold onto love tight. Go at Bandhu
               hard. Get Gita back. Or else... the
               whole world will taste like Mama June
               after hot yoga.
                         DOPINDER
               And how does Ms. Mama June taste?
                         DEADPOOL
               Like two hobos making love under a
               drizzle of Limburger- I could go all day
               like this. Point is, bad.
   Deadpool chucks the bag of Corn Nuts into the back seat and
   pulls out his PISTOLS. He starts CHAMBERING shells into two
   magazines.
   Suddenly, he frantically pats himself down, like a Hollywood
   agent who can't find his phone.
                         DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
               Shiiiit. My extra mags! I usually leave
               them right by the door so I'll trip over
               them! Someone must've moved them...

2 INT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY 2

   A blind late-70's AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN in a purple floral
   dress enters the front door, falls as she trips over an `I
   *HEART* HELLO KITTY' DUFFEL BAG of AMMUNITION, PICKS it UP,
   and CARRIES it OFF.

3 INT./EXT. TAXI CAB - MORNING 3

                         DOPINDER
               Shall we turn back?
                         DEADPOOL
               No time. Not today.
                   (slides in last bullets)
               Ten, eleven, twelve... or bust.
                   (chambers a shell into each
                    gun, looks up)
               Right here!
   The cab SCREECHES to a stop on the shoulder of the highest
   FREEWAY in a massive INTERCHANGE of freeways. Dopinder halts
   the meter and hands Deadpool his CARD.
                           DOPINDER
               My card.    That's $27.50.


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                 4.
                 Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

3 CONTINUED: 3

                          DEADPOOL
                Oooo. I never carry a wallet when I'm
                working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
                How 'bout a crisp high five?
   Dopinder stares as he and Deadpool slap skin.        Deadpool GETS
   OUT of the cab.
                          DOPINDER
                Be sure to... ask for me again?
                          DEADPOOL
                I owe you one. Merry Christmas,
                Dopinder.
                          DOPINDER
                And a convivial... Tuesday in April to
                you, Pool... Guy.
   Deadpool closes the door with a flourish.         Boom.

4 EXT./INT. `THE RAFT' PRISON - MORNING 4

   A bone-white ISLAND PRISON, affectionately nicknamed `The
   Raft,' looms ominously in a CITY HARBOR.
   Etched in helvetica into the prison wall: `No punishment has
   ever possessed enough power of deterrence to prevent the
   commission of crimes.' - Hannah Arendt. Below it, GRAFFITIED
   in RED SPRAY PAINT: `Until NOW'
   The prison's FRONT DOORS OPEN, and out steps a handcuffed
   PRISONER, 30's, ORANGE JUMPSUIT, broad shoulders, whip-smart,
   tightly coiled, with cool, dead-blue eyes. BURLY GUARDS
   guide him across a CAUSEWAY toward a CONVOY of Escalades and
   Ducatis on shore.
   The middle Escalade's door opens.       The prisoner stops.   The
   guards unlock his CUFFS.
                          GUARD
                You're someone else's problem now.
   The ex-prisoner STRETCHES his arms and strides TOWARD the
   convoy.
                            PRISONER
                Yes.   I.   Am.
   CUE SALT & PEPA'S `SHOOP:'
                                                                  5.
               Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


5 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 5

   DEADPOOL sits on the edge of the highest freeway on the
   overpass, legs dangling over the side like Huck Finn.
                        DEADPOOL
              Can I get some fries with that shake-
              shake boobie? If looks could kill you
              would be an uzi.
   Deadpool is using some broken CRAYONS to draw something on a
   scrap of paper. REVERSE ANGLE to REVEAL a childish drawing
   of Deadpool SHOOTING another man in the head, brains blowing
   out.
   The victim's thought bubble reads: `OUCHIE!!!'       Even through
   the mask, Deadpool looks pleased by this.
   He turns to CAMERA:
                         DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              Oh, hello, Deadpool here. You may be
              wondering whose balls I had to fondle to
              get my own movie. Rhymes with
              `Polverine.' Couple'a smooth criminals.
                  (ALT:)
              In a word, gorgeous.
                  (ALT:)
              Surprisingly little hair down there.
                  (ALT:)
              It's a jungle down there.
                  (ALT:)
              Thick underbrush.
                  (beat)
              Anyway, I smell Oscar. The suit's gonna
              match the carpet. Now... places to be...
              faces to fix... bad guys to kill...
   ANGLE ON a distant BIRD'S EYE VIEW of the freeway
   interchange: an interwoven tangle of ramps.

6 EXT. REMOTE AIRFIELD - MORNING 6

   AJAX, 30's, dead-blue eyes, broad shoulders, whip-smart,
   tightly coiled stands at ease on a cracked and blistered
   tarmac. Behind him, a HEAVILY ARMED CONVOY OF DUCATIS and
   ESCALADES. FOUR LARGE ALUMINUM CARGO CRATES sit beside him.
   Ajax squints into the sun as A BELL HELICOPTER thrashes the
   air above him, kicking up dust as it lands.



                                                             (CONTINUED)
                                                                    6.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

6 CONTINUED: 6

   A SERBIAN WARLORD, mid-50's, sharply dressed, armored
   BRIEFCASE in hand, climbs out. He is surrounded by ARMED
   GUARDS.
   The Warlord places the BRIEFCASE on the FOREMOST CRATE. Ajax
   pops the case... to find STACKS upon STACKS of THOUSAND
   DOLLAR BILLS. Satisfied, he closes the briefcase and hands
   it to one of his men.
                          AJAX
                    (bangs crate)
                They won't disappoint.
                          WARLORD
                They'd better not.    And next month's
                shipment?
                          AJAX
                There won't be one. Demand is high. You
                aren't the only one with a war to win.
                          WARLORD
                    (steps forward)
                That won't do.
   Both sets of armed thugs shift to ready positions.
   Ajax smiles calmly, but his free hand DARTS OUT and CASUALLY
   LIFTS the warlord into the air by the THROAT. Fingers find
   triggers on both sides.
                          AJAX
                There's been a small... disruption in our
                supply chain. We'll deliver in full the
                following month. Say, ten percent off
                for the inconvenience?
   The Warlord manages to nod in acquiescence.       Ajax smiles
   again, lowers him gasping to the ground.
                          AJAX (CONT'D)
                We appreciate your business.
   Ajax spins and walks purposefully toward the line of waiting
   SUV's.
   The warlord angrily motions for his men to begin loading the
   crates into the helicopter, which they do.
                          WARLORD
                    (sotto voce)
                Fucking mutant.


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                    7.
               Deadpool   Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

6 CONTINUED: (2) 6

   Behind him the convoy of SUV's and motorcycles pull out,
   falling into line as they accelerate past the rows of
   derelict aircraft.

7 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 7

   DEADPOOL watches as the convoy approaches. He CASUALLY gets
   up as if standing up out of an easy chair...
                        DEADPOOL
              On your mark, get set, go, let me go, let
              me shoop...
   He PIROUETTES, and DROPS an entire level DOWN...

8 INT. ESCALADE - MORNING 8

   THROUGH the SUNROOF of an ESCALADE.     SMASH!
   There are FOUR HUGE BAD-ASSES inside the S.U.V., two in
   front, two behind. Deadpool lands back-middle in a HAILSTORM
   of GLASS. He stuns the men to both sides with elbows to the
   face as he raises his arms in greeting.
                         DEADPOOL
              ¡Hola! ¡Me llamo Piscina De La Muerte!
                  (subtitled, in YELLOW:)
              Hello! My name is the Pool of Death.
              There's no easy way to say this. I'm
              pregnant, Trevor.
                  (ALT:)
              Any of you seen Green Lantern? Me
              neither.
   BOOM! MAYHEM ERUPTS as the two men in back find themselves
   sharing a phone booth with the TASMANIAN DEVIL: ELBOWS.
   FOREARMS. KNEES. CRACKING. CRUNCHING. SCREAMING.
   From BEHIND, the Escalade BUCKS and BOUNCES down the road on
   its suspension, almost CARTOON-LIKE.
   A brutal punch spins Deadpool UPSIDE-DOWN, and he rolls with
   it, uses his FEET to BREAK the man's NECK. The other man
   stomps on his head, then drags him up and SMUSHES Deadpool's
   face into the seat's premium trim.
                        DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              Rich... Corinthian... Leather.
   Deadpool HURLS the man through THROUGH the TAILGATE WINDOW.
   The man clutches the TAILGATE, DRAGGED behind the S.U.V.
   Deadpool sticks his head between the two guys in FRONT.


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                     8.
                 Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

8 CONTINUED: 8

                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Scuse, por favor!
   The DRIVER SLAMS Deadpool's head into the console repeatedly.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Ow.   Ow.   Ow. Ow. Ow.
   Deadpool squirms away and WRESTLES VIOLENTLY with the guy in
   the PASSENGER SEAT.
   He GRABS the PASSENGER SEAT-BELT, TIES it around the guy's
   ANKLE, and KICKS him out the PASSENGER SIDE DOOR. The guy's
   HEAD and SHOULDERS SMACK pavement, where he's DRAGGED
   mercilessly by his ANKLE - a modern COWBOY whose boot just
   got stuck in his horse's STIRRUP.
   Deadpool grabs the driver by the HAIR on the BACK of his HEAD
   and BANGS his FOREHEAD into:
   The horn. HONK. HONK. The stereo. Every time the driver's
   forehead SMACKS the face of the stereo, the RADIO STATION
   CHANGES:
   MARIACHI. DR. DREW. MONSTER TRUCK COMMERCIAL ('SUNDAY,
   SUNDAY, SUNDAY!'). One more SMACK to get us back to
   MARIACHI.
   Deadpool looks in the REAR VIEW MIRROR to see the man in back
   CRAWL up the tailgate.
   Deadpool PUSHES in the Cadillac's CIGARETTE LIGHTER.
   Back to the DRIVER. Deadpool BASHES his face into the
   DRIVER's SIDE WINDOW. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
   We're now OUTSIDE the Escalade, seeing the driver's
   expression take on a ridiculous silly-putty-esque grimace of
   pain every time it's MUSHED into the glass.
   The man in back scrambles forward. The CIGARETTE LIGHTER
   POPS OUT. Deadpool YANKS the EMERGENCY BRAKE. The man in
   back LAUNCHES forward and SMACKS the DASHBOARD.
   Deadpool STABS the now ORANGE-HOT lighter into the man's
   forehead, burning the COIL PATTERN into his skin. The man
   SCREAMS.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Loved your work in Daredevil.
   Deadpool stuffs the lighter INTO the man's mouth and CLAMPS
   his hand over it.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                      9.
                   Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

8 CONTINUED: (2) 8

     The man hollers in muffled agony. A MOTORCYCLE has pulled
     AHEAD of the ESCALADE and now sits, STOPPED, in its path.
     The helmeted RIDER OPENS FIRE with a SUB-MACHINE GUN.
     Deadpool has one hand grasped on the back of the driver's
     neck, still mashing his face into the window glass, and the
     OTHER hand still clamped over the second man's mouth. He
     plants both FEET on the steering wheel and `drives,' spinning
     the wheel, sending the S.U.V. into...
     ...a ROLL.    The Escalade goes ENDO, SOMERSAULTING WILDLY.
     Suddenly, the ACTION BEGINS TO SLOW...
     The motorcycle RIDER tries to bail out. NO LUCK. The
     tumbling Escalade PLOWS RIGHT INTO him AND his bike.
     Parts scatter off the motorcycle, including its CHAIN. The
     RIDER continues to SQUEEZE off ROUNDS as he goes FLYING.
     Inside the Escalade, Deadpool goes SPIN-CYCLE. The DRIVER
     flies through the sunroof, tearing out its remaining glass.
     BLOOD spatters. The other man spits out the glowing
     CIGARETTE LIGHTER. The guy whose ankle is still tangled in
     the seat-belt FLAILS through the air like a rag-doll, AHAB
     tied to MOBY DICK.
     The action CONTINUES to SLOW... until it FREEZES.
     The camera swoops in to Deadpool's face, upside down.
     HE TURNS HIS HEAD TO CAMERA FOR THE FIRST TIME, BREAKING THE
     FOURTH WALL, THE ONLY THING IN THE SCENE THAT'S MOVING:
                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                  Shit.   Did I leave the stove on?
     We RAMP back UP to FULL SPEED. The S.U.V. CARTWHEELS. The
     guy's ankle untangles from the seat-belt. He FLIES high
     toward a big HIGHWAY EXIT SIGN and... SPLAT... out of frame.
     The RIDER's NECK is SLICED by the flying MOTORCYCLE CHAIN.
     The DRIVER is half-way out the SUNROOF when the S.U.V. rolls
     over him. SQUISH.
     The man who ate the CIGARETTE LIGHTER now eats pavement.

VX8 EXT. X-MANSION - DAY VX8

     A sign reads `PROFESSOR XAVIER'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED
     YOUNGSTERS.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                      10.
                   Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

VX8 CONTINUED: VX8

                            REPORTER (O.S.)
                  Breaking news. A multicar collision
                  turns shots fired on the crosstown
                  expressway...
     The sign sits on the perfectly manicured front lawn of the
     gorgeous Gothic X-MANSION.

VX8 INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS VX8

     The X-Men's COLOSSUS. A GOOD-NATURED GIANT with CHROME METAL
     FOR SKIN. BIG AS A BARN. OTHER-WORLDLY STRONG. He is
     sitting in the kitchen, eating a bowl of GRAPE NUTS and
     finishing a SUDOKU, his attention suddenly drawn to a
     TELEVISION SCREEN:
                            REPORTER
                  The assailant appears to be wearing a...
                  COLOSSUS                      REPORTER (CONT'D)
     Red suit?                            Red suit.
     With an audible CRACK, the pencil in Colossus' thick fingers
     snaps. He rises, muttering Russian curses and stalks from
     the kitchen.

VC8 INT. HANGAR - MOMENTS LATER VC8

     Massive STEEL BLAST DOORS emblazoned with a huge "X" slide
     open to reveal COLOSSUS. He walks quickly and purposefully
     towards a big plane in the center of the huge space: the
     BLACKBIRD, the X-Men's modified XR-71 jet transport.
     Struggling to keep up with the giant's long strides is a
     supernaturally CUTE, supernaturally DEADPAN 15-YEAR-OLD GIRL,
     in an X-MEN outfit. NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD.
                            COLOSSUS
                  I've given Deadpool every chance to join
                  us. And what is my reward? More
                  immaturity and criminality! When will he
                  finally grow up and see benefits of
                  becoming X-Man?
                            NTW
                  Like... The house that blows up every few
                  years? The fashion-forward jump-suits?
                  I need to get myself kicked out of X-
                  School.
                            COLOSSUS
                  But I thought you were at top of class.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                       11.
                   Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

VC8 CONTINUED: VC8

                            NTW
                  Was that sarcasm?    Awesome.
                            COLOSSUS
                  You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast is
                  most important meal of day.
                      (hands NTW a protein bar)
                  Here. Protein bar, good for bones.
                  Deadpool may try to break yours.
     NTW shoves the bar in a pocket of her coat without breaking
     stride.

9 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - MORNING 9

     The S.U.V. slides to a halt ON ITS SIDE, PASSENGER WINDOWS
     UP. The rest of the CONVOY is forced to stop BEHIND.
     A BUNCH of MEN PILE OUT, each one carrying a BEASTLY GUN and
     POINTING it STRAIGHT at the disabled S.U.V.
     The last noise is made by one final dislodged HUBCAP, which
     rattles in little circles until it lies FLAT on the freeway.
     TWO SILENT BEATS. Then we hear the soft, ELECTRIC BUZZ of
     the Escalade's middle passenger window ROLLING DOWN. Up pops
     the HEAD of DEADPOOL, like the GOPHER in Caddyshack.
     BANG BANG BANG BANG.
                            DEADPOOL
                  Wait, wait...
     The head drops, the hands come up.        BANG.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                  Wait! You're probably wondering. Why the
                  red suit? It's so bad guys can't see me
                  bleed. This guy has the idea. He wore
                  the brown pants.
                      (to camera)
                  All together now...
     The THUGS immediately OPEN FIRE.
     Deadpool is already leaping upward, flipping backwards,
     bullets tearing the air beneath him as he pulls out those TWO
     MASSIVE .50 CAL PISTOLS... and in slo-mo, RETURNS FIRE.
     Deadpool keeps count of every bullet he fires:
                              DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                  Twelve..!


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                     12.
                 Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

9 CONTINUED: 9

   A SHELL-CASING is EJECTED. We enter EXTREME SLO-MO and SWOOP
   IN on the shell as it TUMBLES through the air...
   ...revealing the number `00012' ETCHED in a semi-circle on
   its butt end. Deadpool FIRES the second pistol. We move
   instantly to the second shell: `00011'
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Eleven...
   FULL SPEED.    The first TWO THUGS get a MOUTHFUL of BULLET.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Ten...
   ANOTHER SHOT. A THUG takes one in the HEART.          The other
   thugs POUR LEAD into the disabled S.U.V.
   Deadpool LEAPS UP and OUT of the window, rising ABOVE the
   incoming shots, then LANDING SAFELY BEHIND the Escalade.
   Deadpool TURNS to SPY a MOTORCYCLE RIDER BEARING DOWN ON HIM.
   This rider wears a distinctive SILVER HELMET.
   Deadpool raises BOTH pistols. This RIDER LEANS away, dodging
   each slug. First left, then right, then left.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Nine.    Shit! Eight. Fuck! Seven.       Shit-
                fuck!
   The bike WHIZZES PAST safely, firing bullets, DEADPOOL
   follows, leaping high, flipping over the S.U.V.
   He lands smoothly the other side, right BEHIND a thug who's
   looking in the other direction as he sneaks around the car.
   Deadpool SHRUGS and SHOOTS him in the BACK of the HEAD at
   POINT BLANK RANGE.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Six.
   The shell tumbles to the ground, falls still.         `00006'
   Deadpool opens the Escalade.       His target is NOT THERE.
   BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG. Deadpool is nearly BROUGHT DOWN by
   a particularly big thug with a particularly big AK-47.
   He dives behind another Escalade, takes a moment to search
   the interior through the windows... and then flinches as AK-
   47 bullets pass THROUGH the skin of the S.U.V. around him.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                   13.
              Deadpool   Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

9 CONTINUED: (2) 9

   One of the bullets lands in DEADPOOL'S BICEP. Deadpool
   yelps, in pain... then stuffs some of his torn red suit
   fabric into the hole to staunch the bleeding.
   Then he scrambles AROUND the S.U.V., trying to close the
   distance to this guy through a WITHERING BARRAGE of fire.
   Another of the AK's slugs SLICES a swath out of the mask on
   Deadpool's head, SINGING his hair.
                        DEADPOOL.
             Fuck.   You.
   Deadpool lands in FRONT of the thug. The thug pulls his
   trigger again, only to - CLICK - realize he's OUT of BULLETS.
                       DEADPOOL
             Someone's not counting.    Cinco.
   The bullet HITS the thug in the throat.       `00005'
                       DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
             Me gusta cinco.
   Deadpool STRIDES past the fallen thug, pawing at his singed
   hair - ow - and then out of sheer, pumped-up ANGER...
   ...turns and PUMPS TWO MORE SUPERFLUOUS BULLETS into him.
                        DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
             Four.   Three. Stupid. Worth it.
   The SILVER-HELMETED MOTORCYCLE RIDER makes another pass,
   FIRING. Deadpool ducks behind the S.U.V. again.
   20 yards away, a GROUP of thugs TAKE COVER behind the final
   S.U.V. One pulls out a HAND-GRENADE, RAISES HIS ARM to
   throw.
                       DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 (chuckles)
             Number two...
   Deadpool FIRES, SHOOTING the GRENADE in the thug's FIST.
   BOOM! The whole CLUSTER of THUGS drops.
   Deadpool emerges from behind the S.U.V., feeling victorious.
   He approaches the final S.U.V. and throws open the doors to
   search, expecting to find his target at last.
   Inside is a rumpled orange prison coverall, but NOT the
   PRISONER. Deadpool gets childishly angry.


                                                              (CONTINUED)
                                                                   14.
              Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

9 CONTINUED: (3) 9

                       DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
             What the shit-biscuit! Where you at,
             Francis?
   Worse, CLICK-CLACK.    The distinctive COCKING of SHOTGUNS.
   3 final THUGS stand on the freeway, lined up perpendicular to
   Deadpool, SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER, FIRING BENELLI COMBAT
   SHOTGUNS.    BAM! BAM! BAM!
   Deadpool ducks behind the S.U.V. and raises a PISTOL. We
   ZOOM IN through the CHAMBER to spy the last BULLET, POISED in
   front of the FIRING PIN:
   `00001'
   Deadpool thinks, then LEAPS from behind the `SCLADE, TWISTS
   forward and right.
   All 3 THUGS FIRE again.    BUCKSHOT rips into DEADPOOL's BACK.
   But he LANDS so that all 3 men are now parallel to him...
   ...in A SINGLE-FILE LINE.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
             One.
   BOOM! We're with the FINAL BULLET as it HURTLES from the gun
   and passes THROUGH the first man's head... then the SECOND
   man's head... and SMACKS the third man in the forehead.
   This third man, the BIGGEST THUG YET, HITS the DECK.
   Deadpool puts his mouth to his pistol barrel, INHALES... and
   then EXHALES smoke through the pores of his mask.
                       DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
             I'm touching myself tonight.
   But then, as if by magic, the third thug STIRS... and STANDS.
   The SLUG has LODGED partway in his FOREHEAD, having lost just
   enough momentum that it didn't make it all the way through.
   The thug sneers, plucks out the slug, wipes away some blood,
   and rolls up his SLEEVES.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
             Really?     Rolling up the sleeves?
   Deadpool reaches back.    We hear the THRILLING SOUND...


                                                              (CONTINUED)
                                                                      15.
                Deadpool    Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

9 CONTINUED: (4) 9

    ...of STEEL BLADES being DRAWN. Out come Deadpool's
    TRADEMARK KATANAS. The thug's eyes widen as...
    ...SWOOSH... the blades swing through the air and SKEWER him,
    between two different ribs and out the BACK.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               I know what you're thinking...
    The action SLOWS again to a FREEZE.      Deadpool is in mid-
    slice, muscles bulging.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               I'll bet he works out. So what if I am
               pulling the double shift at the ab-
               factory? What if I do want my man menu
               to feature the shredded beef? Call it
               insecurity. But I haven't touched a carb
               since...

10 INT. FOYER, TOWNHOUSE - NIGHT - PAST 10

    Title:   6 Years Ago
    A sleazy, mid-thirties MAN, GAVIN MERCHANT, decked out in
    DRAGON PRINT V-NECK and STUDDED JEANS, is MID-ARGUMENT with a
    late teen, pimply-faced PIZZA DELIVERY GUY, whose name-tag
    reads: JEREMY.
                         MERCHANT
               Will it help if I slow down?         I didn't.
               Order. The pizza.
                         JEREMY
               This 7348 Red Ledge Drive?
                   (off nod)
               And you're... Mr. Merchant?
                         MERCHANT
               The Mr. Merchant who didn't.         Order.
               The. Fucking. Pie.
                         JEREMY
               Then who placed the call?
    A TOILET flushes in another room, and both men turn.
                           WADE (O.S.)
               I did.



                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                      16.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

10 CONTINUED: 10

    The VOICE comes from over Merchant's shoulder. WADE WILSON
    (the future DEADPOOL, MINUS the SCARS and SUIT), handsome,
    boyish, cheerily steps from through a doorway and into the
    living room wiping his hands on a towel.
    Merchant STARES, incredulous.
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 Pineapple and olive?
    Jeremy NODS.
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 Sweet and salty.
                           MERCHANT
                 The fuck are you? And what are you doing
                 in my crib?!
    Without even turning toward Merchant, Wade PULLS OUT A .50
    CALIBER DESERT EAGLE PISTOL and nonchalantly AIMS it at him.
    Merchant and Jeremy both go pale.
                           WADE
                     (to Jeremy)
                 Burnt crust?
                           JEREMY
                 God I hope not.
                     (opens the box, winces)
                 Words cannot express-
                           WADE
                 Relax, son, that's hows I likes it!      Once
                 you go black, you never go back!
                     (takes pizza)
                           MERCHANT
                     (stammering)
                 This is about the poker game, right? I
                 told Howie... Listen, take whatever you
                 want!
    Merchant fumbles with his wallet and starts to hand Wade the
    bills inside. Wade takes the ENTIRE WALLET instead.
                             WADE
                 Thanks!
                           JEREMY
                     (to Wade)
                 Uh. Sir? Before you do anything to him.
                 Could I have a big tip?


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                     17.
               Deadpool    Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

10 CONTINUED: (2) 10

                        WADE
                  (already munching)
              Jeremy, is it?
                          JEREMY
              Yeah.
                        WADE
              Wade Wilson.
                  (quick fist bump)
              Jeremy, that's a no go on the tiperoo.
              I'm not here for him.
                  (levels gun at Jeremy)
              I'm here for you.
    Jeremy's eyes widen. Wade holds up a YELLOW CARD, featuring
    an embedded SIM. Below the logo of a CYPRESS TREE is the
    name of Wade's intended target: `GARRETT, JEREMY.'
    Merchant breathes a sigh of relief.
                        MERCHANT
              Dodged a big time bullet on that o-
    Wade PISTOL-PUNCHES/POKES Merchant in the forehead.           Merchant
    howls.
                        WADE
                  (re: studded jeans)
              Not out of the woods yet. You need to
              seriously ease up on the bedazzling.
              They're jeans, not a chandelier.
                  (sniffs)
              And the Axe body spray.
                        JEREMY
                  (sheepish)
              That's unfortunately me.
                        WADE
              PS, I'm keeping your wallet.         Ya did
              kinda give it to me...
                        MERCHANT
              Can I at least have my Sam's Club card
              baaa-
    Wade points the pistol at Merchant again, sending him
    backpedaling into a chair.
                        WADE
              I will shoot your fucking cat.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    18.
               Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

10 CONTINUED: (3) 10

                        MERCHANT
              I don't have a cat!
                        WADE
              Then whose kitty-litter did I just shit
              in?
                  (turns to Jeremy)
              Anyhoo, you by chance know a Meghan
              Orlovsky? Getting that right? Orlovsky?
              Orloskvy? Do you?
    Jeremy manages a timid little NOD.
                         WADE (CONT'D)
              Good.   `Cause she knows you.
    Wade holsters the pistol and WHIPS out a HUNTING KNIFE. He
    twirls it adeptly... but instead of holding it to Jeremy's
    neck... CUTS himself a SLICE of PIZZA.
                        WADE (CONT'D)
              What situation isn't improved by pizza?
    Wade shovels half the slice into his mouth, revealing an Army
    SPECIAL FORCES TATTOO on his forearm: A SKULL WEARING A
    GREEN BERET, BACKED BY A BLADE, AND THE WORDS `DE OPPRESSO
    LIBER' (official motto of the U.S. Army Special Forces).
                        WADE (CONT'D)
                  (through chews)
              Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who
              take a dime to beat a fella down.
                  (cuts another pizza slice)
              Little Meghan's not made of money, but
              lucky her, I've got a soft spot.
    Wade brings the next pizza slice over to Merchant. Wade
    nearly hands it to him but lets go too soon. The slice falls
    flat - pineapple down - onto the floor at Merchant's feet.
                           JEREMY
              B-but I'm-
                        WADE
                  (returns to Jeremy)
              A stalker. Threats hurt, Jer. Though
              not nearly as bad as serrated steel.
    Wade pokes the end of his knife into Jeremy's chest, pinning
    him against the wall.
                        WADE (CONT'D)
              So keep away from Meghan.       We cool?


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                      19.
                Deadpool    Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

10 CONTINUED: (4) 10

                           JEREMY
               Y-yeah.
    A beat. In a huge ANTI-CLIMAX, Wade deftly twirls his knife
    AWAY from Jeremy's chest, SPINS it on his finger, and JAMS it
    back into its SLEEVE.
                         WADE
               Then we're done.
                           JEREMY
               W-we are?
                         WADE
               Soft spot, remember? But even look in
               her general direction again? You'll
               learn in the worst of ways.
                   (pats Jeremy's cheek)
               I've got some hard spots too.
                   (pauses)
               That came out wrong. Or did it?

11 EXT. SKATE PARK - NIGHT - PAST 11

    SKATE PUNKS carve on ramps built into the sides of a highway
    underpass. A group of TEEN GIRLS are perched at the bottom
    of the nearby stairs, texting each other from inches away.
    An old-fashioned GHETTO BLASTER bangs `SHOOP.'
                         SALT & PEPA
               I love you in your big jeans.
                         GIRLS
                   (join chorus)
               You give me nice dreams.     You make me
               wanna scream...
    Boom. A PIZZA BOX lands at their feet.          On top of it lands a
    POLAROID PICTURE.
                         WADE (O.S.)
               "Oooo, oooo, oooo!"
    A FRIZZY-HAIRED EMO GIRL picks up the Polaroid... of a
    terrified JEREMY holding another pizza box that has been cut
    into a heart, the words `I'm Sorry' scrawled onto it, a PEE-
    STAIN on his JEANS, and a laughing WADE photo-bombing with
    the knife to his neck. She looks UP to see:
    Wade bobbing to the music.
                         WADE (CONT'D)
               You've seen the last of Jeremy.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                       20.
                   Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

11 CONTINUED: 11

     The girl - MEGHAN ORLOVSKY - leaps up and HUGS Wade tight.
                            WADE (CONT'D)
                  That's why we do it.
                            GIRL #2
                  Hey, think you could fuck up my step-dad?
                            GIRL #3
                  How `bout Vice Principal Renwiki?
                            WADE
                      (suddenly serious)
                  What'd he do to you?
                            GIRL #3
                  Suspended me for smoking.
                            WADE
                      (turns to go)
                  Good for him! Sorry, ladies. Me no dig
                  cigs. And I may look mean. But if I
                  give a guy a pavement facial? He earned
                  it.
     Wade gives Meghan a smile, turns to leave.
                             MEGHAN
                  Hey.   Thanks. You're my hero.
     The word catches Wade like a punch to the gut.         Hero?
                            WADE
                  That I ain't.
     Wade doesn't turn back, walking through the swooping skaters.

A12 EXT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST A12

     A grimy SIGN on a grimier brick building reads:         `SISTER
     MARGARET'S SCHOOL FOR WAYWARD GIRLS.'

12 INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST 12

     Inside, society's DREGS. Chief among them, BOOTHE: a HUGE,
     menacing hipster with a BOY SCOUT CAP and MASSIVE HANDLEBAR
     MOUSTACHE. He's got some DUDE's fingers splayed out on the
     bar, jabbing a KNIFE POINT between them as fast as he can.
     WADE shimmies past, backslaps BOOTHE:
                              WADE
                  Boothe!


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                     21.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

12 CONTINUED: 12

                           BOOTHE
                     (turns, smiles)
                 Heya, Wade!
    We hear a STAB and a SCREAM.
    Wade winces as he continues on to the BAR, claims a STOOL and
    waves over the lone bartender - WEASEL, early 20's, geeky,
    glasses. Think Tom Cruise in `Cocktail.' Then think the
    opposite.
                           WEASEL
                 Wade Wilson, Patron Saint of the Pitiful.
                 What can I get you?
                           WADE
                 I'd love a blow-job.
                           WEASEL
                 We got that in common.
                           WADE
                 The drink, moose-knuckle.     But first...
    Wade digs in a pocket, slaps the YELLOW `HIT' CARD, the one
    with the CYPRESS TREE, on the bar.
    Weasel goes to the register. Scans the card. Peels off
    three ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. Lays them out like a bank
    teller. Wade PUSHES the MONEY AWAY...
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 I ain't taking allowance money. Make
                 sure it gets back to Ms. Osflorsky?
                 Onroflensky? Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free?
                           WEASEL
                 Orlofsky. For a merc, you sure are warm-
                 blooded. Bet you let the boy off easy-
                 peasy, too.
                           WADE
                     (embarrassed)
                 He's not a bad kid, Weas. Just a little
                 light stalking. I was way worse at his
                 age- traveling to far-off places -
                 Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville -
                     (shudders)
                 - meeting new and exciting people -



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    22.
               Deadpool    Final Shooting Script    11/16/15

12 CONTINUED: (2) 12

                        WEASEL
              And killing them. I've seen your
              Instagram. What was Special Forces doing
              in Jacksonville, anyway?
                        WADE
              Classified.
                  (whispers)
              They have a wonderful TGIFridays. Those
              guys know their way around a Loaded
              Potato Skin. The point is, I'm trying to
              put those days in my rear-view.
    Weasel puts the finishing touches on the drink, pushes it
    across the bar to Wade.
                        WEASEL
              Kahlua, Bailey's, whip cream.        Fellatio
              in a glass.
    A burst of laughter turns Wade's attention to BUCK, a BAD-ASS
    in a snakeskin jacket, has a crowd gathered round him, mid-
    story. He too is holding a YELLOW CARD with SIM and CYPRESS
    TREE.
                        BUCK
              So he's staring at my Glock in his mouth,
              like...
                  (mouth full)
              `I thought you guys had a code!' And I'm
              like, `Yeah, no kids. No women. Almost
              fooled by your tits. But the moustache?!
    The crowd CRACKS UP.
    Wade pulls out Gavin Merchant's wallet and teases out a
    TWENTY. He grabs a passing waitress, tucks the bill in her
    shirt pocket and sets the blowjob on her tray.
                        WADE
              Kelly, you mind taking this over to Buck?
              Tell him it's from Boothe.
                  (whispers, to Weasel)
              Little foreplay.
    Weasel follows Wade's gaze to the end of the bar, where a
    chuckling BOOTHE wraps a bandage around the guy's bloody
    hand.
                        WEASEL
              Remind me what good comes of this?



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                     23.
               Deadpool      Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

12 CONTINUED: (3) 12

                        WADE
              I don't take the shits.       I just disturb
              them.
    Weasel allows himself a tiny conspiratorial SMILE.
                                                        SMASH CUT TO:

13 INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT 13

    WADE, in medium shot, TEARING UP at the famous Steven Seagal
    bar fight from `OUT FOR JUSTICE' on T.V. as... SMACK...
    BAM... a REAL bar fight goes on - OUT OF FOCUS - behind him.
                        WADE
                  (trailer voice)
              It's a dirty job... but someone's gotta
              take out the garbage.
    Wade finally turns around to watch. BUCK finishes off
    Boothe... then pours the BLOW-JOB on top of him.
    WEASEL grabs a hand mirror, hops over the bar, and crosses to
    Boothe. All the PATRONS fall HUSH as WEASEL holds the mirror
    to Boothe's mouth. Boothe's BREATH FOGS it up.
                        WEASEL
              Still kicking.
    The place `oooooohs.' Near miss. Weasel returns to his
    place behind the bar, looking disappointed.
                        WADE
              Lemme guess. Ya got Boothe in Sister
              Margaret's dead pool.
                            WEASEL
              Um.    See.    About that-
                        WADE
              You did not bet on me to die.
                  (looks up at board,
                   incredulous)
              You bet on me to die.
    Wade leans back and looks up at an ENORMOUS CHALKBOARD
    hanging above the bar: `Sister Margaret's DEAD POOL.'
    Below, a long LIST of NAMES. DOLLAR AMOUNTS to the right of
    the names. More NAMES to the right of the dollars.
    Indeed, `WEASEL' has chosen `WADE.'       Wade looks betrayed.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                      24.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

13 CONTINUED: 13

                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 Weasel, you're the world's worst friend.
                 Joke's on you. I'm living to 102. Like
                 those old Quaker biddies on the Today
                 Show. And retiring on my winnings.
                           WEASEL
                 Wait, who did you pick?
    Weasel looks up a the board, where `WADE' has claimed:
    `BIEBER, J.'
                           WADE
                 The Biebs. But I'm probably wrong.
                 Nothing bad ever happens to teen stars
                 who make 80 mil a year and think they're
                 immune to the pitfalls of addiction and
                 consequence. He'll be fine.
                     (raises shot, yells)
                 Drinks on me, soldiers of fortune!
                             MERCENARIES
                 Hooah!
                           VANESSA
                 Whoa, whoa...
    Wade turns to see a woman on his other side: VANESSA.
    Brunette. Silver-blue eyes. Tank. Tiny jean-shorts.
                           VANESSA (CONT'D)
                 Sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
    Wade looks Vanessa all the way up and down... then holds up
    his PINKIE.
                             WADE
                 Tight.
    Vanessa raises her own pinkie.         Shakes like a pinkie swear.
                             VANESSA
                 Vanessa.
                           WADE
                 What's a nice place like you doing in a
                 girl like this?
                           BUCK (O.S.)
                 It ain't what she's doing, it's who.
    BUCK walks past and SLAPS Vanessa on the caboose.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                   25.
               Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

13 CONTINUED: (2) 13

                        BUCK (CONT'D)
              I'd hit that shit.
    Wade pushes back his stool, stands menacingly.
                        WADE
              Buck, you'd best apologize, before-
    But Vanessa doesn't wait for Wade's chivalry. She blows
    right by him and grabs a fistful of Buck's crotch. Buck
    gasps.
                        WADE (CONT'D)
              Yeah, that.
                        VANESSA
                  (to Buck)
              Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.
                        BUCK
              I'm sorry! I have no filter between my
              brain and mouth. I'm working on it.
    Wade takes Vanessa's shoulders.
                        WADE
              OK, he apologized... hakuna his tatas...
    Vanessa lets Buck go, turns on Wade.
                        VANESSA
                  (let's go)
              And you-
                  (shakes Wade off)
              Hands off the merchandise.
                        WADE
              Merchandise? So, what, you, uh, bump
              fuzzies for money?
                          VANESSA
              Yup.
                        WADE
              Rough childhood?
                        VANESSA
              Rougher than yours.     Daddy left before I
              was born.
                        WADE
              Daddy left before I was conceived.


                                                              (CONTINUED)
                                                                    26.
               Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

13 CONTINUED: (3) 13

                        VANESSA
              Ever had a cigarette put out on your
              skin?
                        WADE
              I didn't know there was any other place
              to put one out.
                        VANESSA
              I was molested.
                           WADE
              Me too.     Uncle.
                           VANESSA
              Uncles.     They took turns.
                        WADE
              I watched my own birthday party from the
              keyhole of a locked closet, which was
              also my-
                          VANESSA
              Bedroom?    Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher
              box.
                        WADE
              So you had a dishwasher. I didn't know
              sleep. It was pretty much 24-7 of ball
              gags, brownie mix, and fun-house mirrors.
                        VANESSA
              Who would do such a thing?
                         WADE
              Hopefully you. Later tonight.
                  (beat)
              And my Uncle Kevin.
    Wade EMPTIES the rest of Gavin's wallet:
                        WADE (CONT'D)
              What can I get for two-hundred-seventy
              three bucks... and a Yogurtland rewards
              card?
    Vanessa shoves the bills into her halter:
                        VANESSA
              About forty-eight minutes of whatever you
              want...
                  (peers at card)
              And a low-fat dessert.


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                      27.
                Deadpool     Final Shooting Script    11/16/15

13 CONTINUED: (4) 13

    Wade grins at her like a kid on Christmas morning.

14 INT. ARCADE - NIGHT - PAST 14

    A two-shot of WADE and VANESSA staring at each other, in
    profile. Wade looks really excited.
                         WADE
               Time to put balls... in holes.
    REVERSE ANGLE to reveal two SKEEBALL MACHINES in the ARCADE.
    Wade inserts tokens, and balls CLUNK down.
    Vanessa looks half amused, half weirded out.
                         WADE (CONT'D)
               You said whatever I want.
                         VANESSA
               I get it. You love skeeball.          Apparently
               more than you love vagina.
                         WADE
               Tough call. Just trying to get to know
               the real you... not the plunging-
               necklined, short-shorted, two-dimensional
               sex object peddled by Hollywood.
    Wade slowly turns to CAMERA.      REVERSE ANGLE TO his P.O.V.:
    A ten-year-old BOY stops in his tracks, his gaze moving from
    Vanessa's plunging neckline to her short shorts.
                            BOY
               Nice tits!
                         VANESSA
               Thank you, son.
                   (tousles boy's hair)
               You know how to make a woman feel
               special.
    Vanessa reaches down, grabs two balls, hands one to Wade.
                         VANESSA (CONT'D)
               Balls in holes.
                         WADE
               Prepare to lose tragically.
                         VANESSA
               Bring it, big man.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                      28.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

14 CONTINUED: 14

    Wade smiles slyly, sizes up the ramp, rears back and
    OVERHANDS the first ball... right into the 50,000 CUP.
                             VANESSA (CONT'D)
                 Ruh-roh.

15 INT. ARCADE PRIZE COUNTER - LATER - PAST 15

    A beaming WADE bellies up to the prize counter and lays a
    massive armful of pink TICKETS on top.
                           WADE
                 The limited edition Voltron: Defender of
                 the Universe ring, por favor.
                            TEEN
                 You're roughly three hundred thousand
                 tickets short.
                     (beat)
                 It's nickel-silver-plated.
                           WADE
                     (disappointed)
                 Then I guess the tire-grade rubber
                 Voltron keychain.
    VANESSA places a measly TEN tickets of her own next to them.
                           VANESSA
                 And the... pencil eraser.
    The weary TEEN behind the counter hands Wade the low-rent
    VOLTRON KEYCHAIN, and Vanessa the eraser.
                           TEEN
                     (reads keychain package
                      copy, bows)
                 You are now the sworn protector of the
                 gentle people of the planet Arus...
                     (re: eraser, positive
                      spin:)
                 And you... you can... erase stuff...
                 written in pencil.
    Wade extends his arm chivalrously:
                             WADE
                 M'lady?
                           VANESSA
                 Unfortunately, my anus-loving friend,
                 your forty-eight minutes are up.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                      29.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

15 CONTINUED: 15

                           WADE
                 Arus. And you're more evil than evil
                 King Zarkon himself.
    Wade rubs his keychain wistfully, then offers it up.
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 How many more minutes for this?
                     (hard sell)
                 FYI. Five mini lion-bots come together
                 to make up the super-bot.
                           VANESSA
                     (faux-excited)
                 Five mini lion-bots?!
                     (matter-of-fact)
                 Three minutes.
                           WADE
                     (gives keychain up)
                 That's all I'll need!
    ALT:
                           WADE
                 What do we do with the remaining two
                 minutes thirty seven seconds?
                             VANESSA
                 Cuddle?
    Vanessa smiles and takes Wade's arm.        They walk out of the
    ARCADE affectionately...
    ...to the SOUNDS OF TIRELESS, ATHLETIC SEX.

16 EXT./INT. WADE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - PAST 16

                           VANESSA (O.S.)
                 How long can you keep this up?
    DUCT TAPE fails to cover a big multi-fissured CRACK in the
    WINDOW of Wade's CRAPPY APARTMENT. Inside, WADE has VANESSA
    up against the wall decorated with CHRISTMAS LIGHTS that have
    overstayed their welcome and a CALENDAR. They are going at
    it like RABBITS.
                           WADE
                     (raises eyebrow)
                 All year?



                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                     30.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

16 CONTINUED: 16

    Dolly Parton's `HERE YOU COME AGAIN' kicks in, and we...
                                                       DISSOLVE INTO:

17 INT. WADE'S APARTMENT - DAY 17

    A MONTAGE of images: Fun, irreverent SEX around the CALENDAR
    between WADE and VANESSA, identified by various holidays.
    VALENTINE'S DAY SEX. WADE falls back onto a bed covered in
    rose petals with VANESSA on top of him. She has drawn a
    heart on his chest in red lipstick. They go at it hard...
    then pause for a romantic look and kiss.
                           VANESSA
                 Happy Valentine's Day...
    Then IMMEDIATELY go back to hard pounding.
                                                                 CUT TO:
    A medium shot of the top half of VANESSA. She is on hands
    and knees, rocking back and forth. WADE leans into frame
    from behind.
                           WADE
                 Happy Chinese New Year's...
                           VANESSA
                     (smiles)
                 Year of the Dog.
    They go at it even harder.
                                                        SMASH CUT TO:
    The same exact locked-off medium shot, only WADE is now on
    hands and knees. His expression betrays great stress.
    VANESSA leans into frame from behind.
                           VANESSA (CONT'D)
                 Relax... Happy International Women's
                 Day...
    Wade girds himself, then lets out a surprised, WHIMPERY YELP
    as some pioneering object journeys into his virgin lands.
                                                                 CUT TO:
    WADE in bed, legs wrapped around VANESSA's neck, being orally
    pleasured.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                     31.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

17 CONTINUED: 17

                           WADE
                 Happy Fourth of July!
    We see FIREWORKS through the skylight above.
                                                                 CUT TO:
    WADE sitting in an arm-chair, fully dressed, reading glasses
    on, purusing a book. VANESSA is reading in a chair opposite,
    also wearing reading glasses.
                            VANESSA
                 Happy Yom Kippur...
                     (ALT:)
                 Happy Cesar Chavez Day...
                     (ALT:)
                 Happy Lent...
                     (ALT:)
                 Happy Lyme Disease Awareness Day...
                     (ALT:)
                 Happy Wednesday...
                                                                 CUT TO:
    VANESSA in bed where Wade last was. Now her legs are wrapped
    around HIS neck, and he's pleasuring her.
                           WADE
                     (muffled)
                 Happy Halloween...
                           VANESSA
                 Oo... ow...
                           WADE
                     (muffled)
                 Sorry.
                     (takes out Vampire teeth)
                 Happy Halloween...
    Wade goes back to work.
                                                                 CUT TO:
    WADE and VANESSA banging it out one last time, missionary
    style.
                            VANESSA
                 Happy Thanksgiving.
                     (ALT:)
                 Happy Wednesday.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    32.
                Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

17 CONTINUED: (2) 17

    Cut WIDE to reveal that they're on top of the KITCHEN TABLE
    during THANKSGIVING DINNER. Wine spills, cranberry sauce
    topples, mashed potatoes launch. ALT: BREAKFAST FOOD
    INSTEAD.
    Nothing takes away from the joy of the moment.

18 INT. WADE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - PAST 18

    A CHRISTMAS WREATH hangs on Wade's wall.
                         WADE (O.S.)
               If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and
               your right leg is Christmas...
    WADE strikes a pose, HANDS on HIPS, wearing an AWFUL, AWFUL
    CHRISTMAS SWEATER. And NO PANTS.
    VANESSA sits against the bed's HEADBOARD, SHEET pulled over
    her, up to her chin. She quickly lowers the sheet.
    Revealing an APPALLING CHRISTMAS SWEATER of her own.
                         WADE (CONT'D)
               ...can I visit you between the holidays?
                         VANESSA
               Y'know, red's your color. Brings out the
               bloodshot in your eyes. Christmas gift!
               Catch!
    Vanessa tosses something to Wade.      It lands in his hands.
                         WADE
               Holy fucking shit.
    It's the nickel-silver-plated Voltron RING, all three hundred
    thousand tickets worth.
                         VANESSA
               Limited edition. I had to give the kid
               behind the counter a rub and tug. I'm
               kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm kidding.
               It was nearly five full months of
               Skeeball.
                         WADE
                   (beams)
               Y'know, I've been doing some thinking...
                           VANESSA
               Really.



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                       33.
                  Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

18 CONTINUED: 18

                           WADE
                 ...about why we're so good together.
                           VANESSA
                 Why's that?
                              WADE
                 Your crazy    matches my crazy. We're like
                 two jigsaw    pieces... weird curvy edges...
                 but fit us    together, you can see the
                 picture on    top.
    Wade plants a kiss on Vanessa.         She sits up on her knees.
                            VANESSA
                 Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, only
                 `cause you haven't gotten around to
                 asking me-
                     (pregnant pause)
                 Wade, will you-
           VANESSA (CONT'D)                              WADE
    Stick it in my-?                       Marry me?
                           VANESSA
                 Uhh... jinx?
    Wade reaches back and pulls out an ENGAGEMENT-RING-LIKE BOX.
    Vanessa can barely contain her excitement.
                           VANESSA (CONT'D)
                 You're not wearing pants. Where exactly
                 were you hiding that?
    A vulnerable Wade hands her the box and stands there with the
    look of... `Open it. Open it!'
                           WADE
                 They say one month's salary.
    Vanessa opens the box... to reveal a CANDY RING.
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 Slow month. I've been waiting for this
                 day like Boss Hogg waits to get to the
                 crazy cheesy crust...
                              VANESSA
                 You mean-?
                              WADE
                 I do.


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                   34.
               Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

18 CONTINUED: (2) 18

                        VANESSA
              That's my line. I love you, Wade Wilson.
                        WADE
              Thought you charged extra for that.
                          VANESSA
              I did.    At my old job.
                        WADE
              So that's a-?
    Vanessa stares. Swallows. Pulls him back into bed and
    WHISPERS ONE SILENT WORD into his ear ('Yes'). Wade jumps up
    and DANCES around the room all goofy, POP, LOCK, & ROBOT.
                          VANESSA
              Easy.    I can take it back.
    Wade dives back into bed, SPOONS with Vanessa, wrapping her
    in his ARMS, touching his cheek to hers.
                        WADE
              What if I never let go?
                        VANESSA
              Just rode a bitch's back, like Yoda on
              Luke?
                        WADE
                  (contented sigh)
              `Star Wars' jokes?!
                        VANESSA
                  (corrects)
              `Empire.'
                        WADE
              It's like I made you in a computer.
    Wade swoons, reaches, grabs a POLAROID CAMERA off his night-
    stand, and holds it at arm's length.
                        WADE (CONT'D)
                  (Yoda voice)
              Cheese, say!
    The flash POPS.    For this one moment, his life is...
                          WADE (CONT'D)
              Perfect.
    Wade hands Vanessa the photo.    Then...


                                                              (CONTINUED)
                                                                     35.
                Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

18 CONTINUED: (3) 18

                            WADE (CONT'D)
               Wee break.
    ...bounces up to go to the BATHROOM. Vanessa gazes at the
    photo, which is already FADING IN. Wade notices.
                         WADE (CONT'D)
               Shake it like a- Uh. You get it.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               Here's the thing. Life is an endless
               series of train-wrecks with only brief,
               commercial-like breaks of happiness.
               This had been the ultimate commercial
               break. Which meant it was time to
               return...
    Wade peels off his Christmas sweater... and STEPS CONFIDENTLY
    BACK TOWARD THE BED. But before he gets there...
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               ...to our regularly scheduled program.
    ...HE PASSES OUT, FACE-PLANTING ONTO THE FLOOR.

19 INT. ONCOLOGY WARD - DAY - PAST 19

    WADE is sitting in a doctor's office, VANESSA by his side,
    opposite a solemn ONCOLOGIST. Every image suggests BAD NEWS:
    A COMPLEX looking MRI IMAGE of the CIRCULATORY SYSTEM on a
    BACKLIT VIEWING TABLE. SWEAT STAINS under Wade's arms.
    Vanessa GRIPPING his hand. The LOOK on the DOCTOR's FACE.
                         WADE
               You're clowning.     You're not clowning?        I
               sense clowns.
                         DOCTOR
               People react to news of late-stage cancer
               differently.
    Wade and Vanessa turn and share a devastated but loving look.
                         VANESSA
                   (to doctor, springs into
                    action)
               So what do we do? Surely there's
               something... we can... do. I mean, my
               uncle, he was diagnosed with thyroid
               cancer, and there was this new
               experimental drug that-


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                     36.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

19 CONTINUED: 19

    The VOLUME of Vanessa's voice FADES until we can SEE her
    talking but no longer hear the words:
                           DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                 See, people do react differently.
                 Vanessa's already working on Plan A. B.
                 All the way to Z. Me? I'm memorizing
                 the details of her face. Like it's the
                 first time I'm seeing it. Or the last.
                           DOCTOR (O.S.)
                 Mr. Wilson?
                           DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                 Believe it or not, this is only the ninth
                 shittiest thing that's ever happened to
                 me.
                           DOCTOR (O.S.)
                 Mr. Wilson?
                           DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                 Stick around. Number 6 is coming right
                 up.
                           DOCTOR
                 Take your time to process this.

20 EXT. FREEWAY - DAY 20

    DEADPOOL HAS AJAX PINNED TO THE FREEWAY RAIL.
                           DEADPOOL
                 You know how many people I've killed to
                 find you?
                           AJAX
                 Actually, I do.
                            DEADPOOL
                 So you're aware I've been waiting a long,
                 long time for this. And now I'm finally
                 gonna...
                     (ALT:)
                 So you're aware of the category 5 fuck-
                 storm that's coming.
                     (ALT:)
                 Then you know what's coming. I'm about
                 to do to you what Sugar Ray did to the
                 mid-nineties.
    A massive SHADOW passes over AJAX and DEADPOOL, accompanied
    by LOUD METALLIC FOOTSTEPS. Ajax looks up, a bit awed.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                      37.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

20 CONTINUED: 20

    Deadpool senses something, reaches back with one hand,
    feels...
    ...what turns out to be Colossus's METALLIC CROTCH.
                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 Dad?
    COLOSSUS GRABS Deadpool's WRIST, CHUCKS him THROUGH the AIR,
    ASS OVER TEAKETTLE.

21 INT. WADE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT - LATER - PAST 21

    A CLOSE-UP of a Deadpool ACTION FIGURE from `X-Men Origins.'
    Mouth sewn shut. Blades implanted into wrists.
    In the exact same POSE we just saw the real Deadpool.
    Sitting in a nightstand DRAWER in Wade's apartment.
                           WADE (O.S.)
                 This is my most prized possession.
    Wade looks like he's reaching into the drawer for the action
    figure, but instead, reaches just UNDER it to grasp Wham!'s
    `Make it Big' album on Vinyl. He pulls out the album.
                             VANESSA
                 Wham?
                           WADE
                 Wham!
                     (cradles album lovingly)
                 `Make it Big' was the album George and
                 Andy earned their exclamation point.
    Wade places the album carefully into one of two OPEN
    SUITCASES on the floor next to him. He is currently going
    through his possessions, TOSSING OUT the crap and placing the
    good stuff into the suitcases.
    Wade pulls out the action figure.
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 But this. A little piece of me died the
                 day this came out...
    Wade DUNKS the action figure in the trash can.         VANESSA
    stands opposite, arms crossed, FUMING.
                           VANESSA
                 So I'm s'posed to just... smile and wave
                 you out the door?


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                     38.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

21 CONTINUED: 21

                           WADE
                 Think of it as a spring cleaning. Only
                 if spring was death.
                     (pulls out BERNADETTE PETERS
                      CHANGE PURSE)
                 If I had a nickel for every time I
                 spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
                     (opens purse, it's full of
                      nickels)
                 Looks like I do.
    Wade TOSSES the purse toward one of the suitcases.           Vanessa's
    hand stabs out and GRABS it.
                           VANESSA
                 Bernadette's not going anywhere.
                     (slam-dunks purse back into
                      drawer)
                 `Cause you're not going anywhere.
                           WADE
                 Right! The tumors are only in my liver,
                 lungs, prostate, and brain. All the
                 things you can live without.
                           VANESSA
                 You know what I mean. You belong here at
                 home. Surrounded by your Voltron... and
                 your Bernadette... and your me.
                           WADE
                 Babe, we've been through this! Cancer's
                 a real shit-show. A Yakov-Smirnoff-
                 opening-for-the-Spin-Doctors-at-the-Iowa-
                 State-Fair shit-show. And under no
                 circumstances will I take you to that
                 show. I want you to remember me me.
                           VANESSA
                 Well, I want to remember us us.
                     (that doesn't sound right)
                 We we?
                           WADE
                 I swear, I'll find you in the next life.
                 And boom-box `Careless Whisper' under
                 your window. Wham!
                           VANESSA
                 Are you gonna keep saying it like that?
                 Look, I get this impulse. I do.
                           (MORE)


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    39.
                Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

21 CONTINUED: (2) 21

                         VANESSA (CONT'D)
               Before I met you, I used to fantasize
               about dying alone in the woods, torn
               apart by wolves.
                         WADE
               Super fucking bad-ass.
                         VANESSA
               But that was then, and this is now. Walk
               out that door. I dare you. I will ride
               you out. And I won't let go. Yoda on
               Luke.
    Vanessa embraces Wade. Tight.        Won't let go.   A TEAR
    trickles down Vanessa's CHEEK.
                         VANESSA (CONT'D)
                   (into Wade's ear)
               If you're willing to fight. There are
               still options. We'll find them.
               Together.
                         WADE
                   (smiles)
               I just realized! I win! My life's
               officially more fucked-up than yours.
                         VANESSA
               No one's boom-boxing shit.
    Vanessa interlaces her pinkie with Wade's.      Smiles.
                         VANESSA (CONT'D)
               What do we we have to lose?
                           WADE
               Nothing.    Everything.
    Vanessa leans in, and the two start to KISS.

22 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - PAST 22

    VANESSA, horizontal, limbs akimbo, ASLEEP in bed.          She stirs,
    feels next to her for Wade. He's NOT THERE.
    REVEAL WADE standing at the bedroom window. His P.O.V. of
    the moon makes it look FRACTURED by the cracked glass.
    RACK FOCUS to Vanessa's REFLECTION. She, too, looks
    fractured. Wade's eyes well with TEARS at the sight of her.
    Cancer will steal the one thing that ever mattered.
    Vanessa's cracked reflection suddenly RAISES its HEAD.


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                       40.
                    Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

22 CONTINUED: 22

                             WADE
                   Sorry. Liam Neeson nightmare. I
                   kidnapped his daughter, and he just
                   wasn't having it.
      Wade slides back into bed.
                             WADE (CONT'D)
                   They've made three of those movies. At
                   some point you wonder if he's just a bad
                   parent.
      Wade lies on his back. Vanessa nestles her head lovingly
      against his chest. He takes a vulnerable look at her, then
      stares at the ceiling, LOST.

RS22 INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT RS22

      Wade slips quietly out of bed...
      ...slips on a hoodie and a backpack...
      ...opens the door... takes one last longing look at
      Vanessa...
      ...and slips into the hallway, closing the door behind him.
      Vanessa is left to feel for Wade in the dark.

A22 EXT. STREET - NIGHT A22

      WADE walks down the street into the night.
      He pulls a crumpled card from his jacket pocket:        the black
      card with the recruiter's number.
      Still walking, Wade pulls out a cellphone and dials.

23 INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST 23

      Just another night at SISTER MARGARET'S WAYWARD SCHOOL FOR
      GIRLS. Regular crowd has shuffled in. Tonight, a bit thin.
      WADE is bellied up to the bar, disheveled, unkempt, and
      distraught. WEASEL leans in:
                             WEASEL
                   Jesus. Someone needs a blow-job and a
                   shower. Though courtesy calls for the
                   latter first.



                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                    41.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

23 CONTINUED: 23

                           WADE
                 Three shots of Patron Silver, Weez.     And
                 a cure to terminal cancer.
                           WEASEL
                     (hands over a green
                      concoction)
                 Fresh out of Patron. Wheatgrass?
                           WADE
                 You're starting to sound like Vanessa...
    With SHAKY HANDS, Wade empties his POCKETS, placing CRUMPLED
    BROCHURES on the bar.
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 She sent away for all these colorful
                 clinic brochures. I hear Chechnya's nice
                 this time of... never. Then there's
                 China... Central Mexico... Know how they
                 say `Cancer' in Spanish? ¡El Cáncer.'
    Wade pulls out one last thing from his pockets: A POLAROID
    of HIMSELF and VANESSA. He stares. Weasel notices.
                           WEASEL
                 This belongs on the wall. I want to
                 remember you when you looked... alive.
    Wade scrapes up a smile as Weasel tapes the picture to the
    BIG BAR MIRROR. Weasel pours a second wheatgrass shot.
    Clinks Wade's glass. They throw them back. WINCE.
                           WEASEL (CONT'D)
                 Almost forgot...
    Weasel slides Wade a distinctive black BUSINESS CARD across
    the bartop.
                           WEASEL (CONT'D)
                 Guy came in asking for you.     Real Grim
                 Reaper type.
    Wade's gaze follows Weasel's gesture across the barroom,
    where an ominous MAN in a BLACK SUIT sits ALONE at a table.
                           WEASEL (CONT'D)
                 I don't know? May further the plot?
                                                                CUT TO:
                                                                     42.
                 Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


23A INT. SISTER'S MARGARET'S - NIGHT - PAST 23A

     WADE dead-man-walks to the back of the bar. He passes BOOTHE
     and BEEF on his way. They nod solemnly, like cops at a
     funeral procession honoring one of their own.
                            BEEF
                Wade.
     Beef offers Wade his shot. Wade eeks out a smile. Throws it
     back. Then continues on. Wade stops next to the MAN's
     TABLE.
                          WADE
                Forget your scythe?
     The man, even creepier from close up, SMILES.
                          RECRUITER
                Mr. Wilson. Have a seat.
                    (Wade sits, long pause)
                I understand you've recently been
                diagnosed with terminal cancer.
                          WADE
                Stalker alert.
                          RECRUITER
                It's my job. Recruitment. And you have
                quite a reputation. I'm sorry you've had
                a tough go. But you're a fighter. And
                not just for Johnny Canuck, impressive as
                your stint in special forces was. Forty-
                one confirmed kills?
                          WADE
                    (bitter)
                One every seven weeks.     Same rate most
                folks get a hair-cut.
     Wade grabs the recruiter's drink and throws it back.
                          WADE (CONT'D)
                To wash the taste out. It's hard to
                forget being so... impressive.
                          RECRUITER
                Now you spend your days sticking up for
                the little man, slitting small time
                throats for small time folks.
                          WADE
                People change.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                      43.
                   Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

23A CONTINUED: 23A

     The recruiter leans uncomfortably close.
                            RECRUITER
                      (low, conspiratorial)
                  Speaking of which... Mr. Wilson, I
                  represent an organization that may be
                  able to help. What if I told you we can
                  cure your cancer? And what's more, give
                  you abilities most men only dream of?
                            WADE
                  I'd say you sound like an infomercial.
                  And not a good infomercial, like Slap
                  Chop. More Shake-Weighty.
                      (jack-off motion)
                            RECRUITER
                  The world needs extraordinary men. We
                  won't just make you better. We'll make
                  you better than better. A super-hero.
                            WADE
                  I already tried the hero business. Let's
                  just say it left a mark. The only chance
                  you'll see me again is if I hit `fuck-
                  it.'

24 EXT./INT. GUADALAJARAN CLINIC WAITING ROOM - DAY - PAST 24

     A DILAPIDATED, SKETCHY MEDICAL `CLINIC' haunts the cityscape
     in GUADALAJARA, MEXICO.
                            WADE (V.O.)
                  For now, I'll get through this with the
                  one I love.
     A sickly-looking WADE is on the final stop in his futile
     quest to find a cure. DESPERATE. Among the MOST DESPERATE.
     He sits in a pathetic muzak-filled WAITING ROOM. Wearing a
     SOMBRERO and clutching VANESSA's hand. Her fingers are
     interlaced in his, once perfectly manicured nails chewed to
     the quick.
     Vanessa is also wearing a SOMBRERO, and ANXIETY on her face.
     Wade COUGHS SEVERELY, REPEATEDLY into a HANDKERCHIEF.
     Wade turns to the sweet ELDERLY COUPLE sitting next to him,
     ekes out a smile. The old man plays with some WORRY BEADS.



                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                       44.
                  Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

24 CONTINUED: 24

                           WADE
                     (pulls out Spanish-English
                      electronic translator)
                 De donde eres?
                           ELDERLY WOMAN
                 Boca Raton.
                            WADE
                 Ah.   The fancy part of Mexico.
                           ELDERLY MAN
                 We've moved in with my son.       To afford
                 the treatment.
    Wade looks pained to hear this.
                              WADE
                 Cancer?     Sorry - ¿El Cáncer?
                           ELDERLY MAN
                 Stage four.
                           WADE
                 Toughest part of the Tour de France.
                           VANESSA
                 Very hilly.
    The elderly man gestures to the souvenir PATCHES sewn onto
    Wade's `HELLO KITTY' DUFFEL: CHECHNYA. CHINA. INDONESIA.
                           ELDERLY MAN
                 Logging some frequent flier miles?
                           WADE
                     (bone-weary)
                 Final stop on Desperation World Tour,
                 2016, which I believe was also the name
                 of the Stones' last concert...
                           VANESSA
                 `Final' because this is where we find the
                 cure.
    A MOTHER and her stoic young SON sign in with the NURSE
    behind the front desk. The boy has lost all his HAIR.
                            NURSE
                 No cheques de viajero.      No pesos.   Cash.
                 Americano.



                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                             45.
               Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

24 CONTINUED: (2) 24

    Wade grows upset as the mother counts out hard-earned CASH.
    The boy reaches for a BOX filled with CHUPACHUPS (lollipops).
    The nurse scolds:
                        NURSE (CONT'D)
              Chupachups cuestan extra!
                        WADE (O.S.)
                  (angry)
              Hey!
    The nurse looks coldly at Wade. He stares back, eyes hard,
    then gets up and lays a crumpled dollar on the counter.
                        WADE (CONT'D)
                  (ice cold)
              It's on me.
    The nurse blinks, then stands, checking a CHART.
                        NURSE
              Señor... Abe Solomon?
    ABE and his WIFE get up. The nurse motions for Mrs. Solomon
    to stay in the waiting room.
                        ABE
                  (to Wade and Vanessa)
              Handsome couple. Good luck to you two.
    Abe drops his WORRY BEADS. Wade bends to retrieve them, then
    stands with effort and gently hands them to Abe.
                        WADE
              Good luck to you, Pops.
    Wade sits back down, and his eyes find the LITTLE BOY: his
    SUNKEN EYES. His MISSING HAIR. His LOLLIPOP, CLUTCHED like
    the richest treasure.
    Wade turns to look at Vanessa, who's also staring at the boy.
    Even though Vanessa is healthy, she, too, looks sick. No
    makeup. Dirty hair. Dark circles under her eyes. When she
    looks at Wade, it's clear she, not he, most needs comfort.
    Wade pulls Vanessa close and strokes her hair with a
    trembling hand. Abe disappears. Wade watches with a newly
    dark look of suspicion.
                                                                     46.
                Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


25 INT. OPERATING ROOM - DAY - PAST 25

    ABE lies shirtless on an UNSANITARY operating table, a tray
    of RUSTY surgical KNIVES nearby.
    A MAN with a pock-marked face stands over him in a white lab
    coat with blue-stitched cursive writing: `Dr. Delgado.'
                         DOCTOR
               Buenos días, Señor Abe.
    `Doctor' Delgado pokes and prods with his fingers, as if
    Abe's mid-section is Play-Doh.
                         DOCTOR (CONT'D)
               Voy a llegar dentro de tu cuerpo.
                            ABE
               I'm sorry.     No hablo español, doc.
    The doctor's other hand dips below the table, comes up
    dripping with something bloody. He kneeds at wrinkled skin
    smearing the CHICKEN BLOOD across Abe's flesh.
                         DOCTOR
               De que se cure! Señor Abe, you are
               cured.
    The doctor holds SMELLING SALTS under Abe's nose. His closed
    eyes jerk open to see the doctor's gloved hand CLUTCHING a
    huge, bloody `TUMOR.'
    Abe pushes himself up, peers down at his bloody abdomen with
    awe. The doctor wipes the blood away and helps him up.
                         ABE
                   (tearing up)
               Thank you. I owe you my life.
    As Abe shuffles out, the doctor turns away to dump the
    `tumor' in the trash and wash his bloody hands in a basin.
                         DOCTOR
                   (over his shoulder)
               ¡Proximo! Next!
                         WADE (O.S.)
               Already here, hombre.
    Dr. Delgado nearly JUMPS at the sight of WADE, already
    standing in the OPEN DOOR of the room, looking DANGEROUS.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                     47.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

25 CONTINUED: 25

                           DOCTOR
                 So sorry, you surprise me. How...
                 long... you standing there, Señor?
    Wade walks slowly TOWARD the doctor, who steps out nervously
    from BEHIND his table. The two stand face-to-face. Wade
    smiles... angles his foot UNDER the OPERATING TABLE...
    ...and uses it to SLIDE something out from underneath the
    table: a BUCKET of BLOODY CHICKEN GIZZARDS that double as
    removed `tumors.' Wade's RAGE seems to grow by the INSTANT.
                           WADE
                 Long enough...
    Delgado senses he is suddenly in danger, picks up a rusty
    SCALPEL from his tray. Wade moves toward him. Delgado
    LUNGES, He STABS WADE in the shoulder, then RUNS.
    Wade TACKLES him. In Wade's weakened state, the fight
    becomes an intense STRUGGLE. The two FALL and WRESTLE. The
    BUCKET of GIZZARDS overturns. They roll around in slop.
    The doctor squirms out of Wade's grasp and crawls into the
    hallway. Wade wriggles after him, tugging at his ankle.

26 INT. WAITING ROOM / HALLWAY - SUNSET - PAST 26

    The MUZAC still plays. VANESSA smiles warmly/sadly at the
    little BOY, who is unwrapping his CHUPACHUP.
    Suddenly... a SCREAM and cries for help in Spanish. The
    NURSE and an ALARMED VANESSA rush toward the shouting.

27 INT. HALLWAY - SUNSET - PAST 27

    At last, WADE's fury has overcome his physical weakness. He
    straddles the DOCTOR's CHEST. His expression is that of a
    man who's LOSING his SHIT.
    Wade RAISES THE SCALPEL, SLASHES at the doctor's throat, then
    STABS him in the heart. The doctor writhes, spasms, gurgles,
    and falls still.
    Chest heaving, Wade raises his head to see... at the FAR END
    of the HALL:
    VANESSA - frozen, TERRIFIED. A blood-soaked Wade locks eyes
    with her and swims back up into SANITY... `What have I done?'
    This is a horrific glimpse into Wade's murderous past...
    ...and the look on Vanessa's face is one of HORROR and PAIN.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                     48.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

27 CONTINUED: 27

    Awash in shame, Wade staggers to his feet, slips on chicken
    blood, and LUNGES in the other direction. He hits the door
    at the end of the hall at a RUN.

28 STAB! 28

    The sword, covered in BLOOD, penetrates the crayon drawing of
    the recruiter on DEADPOOL's CORKBOARD.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Thank you, Agent Smith.
    Deadpool lasers in on AJAX's picture at the top of the
    pyramid.

29 EXT. GUADALAJARA STREET - SUNSET - PAST 29

    WADE leans against a wall, gasping for breath. He looks back
    toward her voice, face a mask of pain. Instead of seeking
    her... he melts into the busy street.

30 EXT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY 30

    DEADPOOL trudges to his FRONT DOOR.       He speaks to the
    AUDIENCE:
                           DEADPOOL
                 Some kind of anger can't be managed.
                 Like the kind where your year-long plan
                 ends with the wrong guy getting
                 dismembered! That said... when it comes
                 time to licking wounds... there's no
                 place like home, and I share that home
                 with someone you met, the old blind lady
                 from the laundromat, Al. She's like
                 Robin to my Batman. Except she's old.
                 And black. And blind.
    POPS INSIDE
                           DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                 And I think she loves me. Wait... pretty
                 sure Robin loves Batman, too.

31 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 31

    WADE, ghastly, nearing death, lies BACK onto a STRETCHER,
    covered only by a FLIMSY HOSPITAL GOWN. He's being wheeled
    down a dim corridor by two tough-looking ORDERLIES.
    In one hand, he holds the recruiter's crumpled BUSINESS CARD.
    In the other, he clutches the limited edition VOLTRON RING,
    as tight as his shaky hand allows.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                       49.
                  Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

31 CONTINUED: 31

    They turn a corner and push through a pair of double doors
    into a cavernous room. Wade looks around, full of hope for a
    new life. Immediately, every single thing he sees/hears
    begins to erode his confidence. The RECRUITER stands just
    inside the doors, smiling.
                           RECRUITER (O.S.)
                 Mr. Wilson! Nothing warms my heart like
                 a change of someone else's.
    Walking into Wade's P.O.V. is the creepy RECRUITER.             He beams
    down on Wade.
                           RECRUITER (CONT'D)
                 You finally hit `fuck-it.'
                           WADE
                 Worse.  Just promise you'll do right by
                 me. So I can do right by someone else.
                              RECRUITER
                 Of course.
                           WADE
                 Oh, and please don't make my super suit
                 green. Or animated.
                           RECRUITER
                 I hope you enjoy your stay.
    The `Workshop,' as this old warehouse is affectionately
    called, has been converted into a working LABORATORY.
    Wade is wheeled through a vast room containing rows of
    individual `tents,' each containing a SUBJECT. Wade's eyes
    DART to helpless SILHOUETTES.
    We hear WHISPERS, WHIMPERS, MOANS.
    A FELLOW PATIENT, a pathetic, terrified little man named
    CUNNINGHAM, is wheeled past Wade, restrained on another
    STRETCHER. Cunningham briefly locks eyes with Wade, but
    quickly moves on by.
    Wade can't help but be alarmed by the TERROR in Cunningham's
    eyes.
    The tents are illuminated by BLINDING overhead lights.             Wade
    spies GRUESOMELY INTIMIDATING MEDICAL EQUIPMENT.
    Wade is wheeled into the tent that's his new home. The
    FIGURE who was pushing Wade DUMPS him onto a CHROME OPERATING
    TABLE and roughly STRAPS him down.


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                  50.
               Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

31 CONTINUED: (2) 31

                        WADE
              Um.  My first request?    A warmer table.
                  (shivers)
              And warmer hands.
    Wade DOUBLE-TAKES at the sight of the figure above him:
    ANGEL DUST - thirties, female, tall, sexy, athletic - an
    Amazonian warrior in another age.
    Angel Dust wheels over a high-tech I.V. DRIP, complete with
    glass cylindrical tanks housing a glowing, viscous LIQUID.
    Then she roughly straps Wade's NECK to the table. Wade
    nearly GASPS, the color now officially drained from his face.
                         WADE (CONT'D)
              Easy!   Aren't you a little strong for a
              lady?   I'm calling wang.
                        ANGEL DUST
              You'd like that, huh.    Welcome to our
              little hospital.
                        WADE
              It doesn't look like a hospital. It
              looks like Chlamydia holding still.
    An UNLIT MATCHSTICK protrudes from Angel Dust's teeth - her
    idea of a TOOTHPICK.
                        WADE (CONT'D)
              Oral fixation?
                         ANGEL DUST
              Shut.   The fuck. Up.
    Angel Dust places a FINGER on Wade's FOREHEAD and SHOVES his
    head back against the table - BANG - pinning it there.
                        AJAX (O.S.)
              Patience, Angel. All in good time.
    Enter AJAX, whom we know as the PRISONER from the RAFT with
    whom we've seen Deadpool tangle in the PRESENT. This is the
    first Ajax and Wade have met.
                        WADE
              Can I expect turndown serv-?
    Ajax nods to Angel Dust. BOOM! She GAGS Wade with SURGICAL
    TUBING, then wraps it around the TABLE, immobilizing his
    head.


                                                             (CONTINUED)
                                                                  51.
               Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

31 CONTINUED: (3) 31

                        AJAX
              You're a talker.
    Wade's eyes are wider than ever.    WTF?
                        AJAX (CONT'D)
                  (disarmingly matter-of-fact)
              Mr. Wilson, my name is Ajax. I manage
              the Workshop. My `welcome' speech used
              to be full of euphemisms like `You may
              feel some discomfort.' But I've grown
              blunt.
    Ajax unsheathes an I.V. NEEDLE. Angel Dust up-tilts the
    table 45 degrees, then readies a holographic monitor.
                        AJAX (CONT'D)
              The Workshop is not a government program.
              It's a private institution tasked with
              turning reclamation projects like
              yourself into men of extraordinary
              abilities. I'm about to remake your
              life. But if you think cancer cures
              painlessly, you're wrong. If you think
              super-human powers are acquired
              painlessly, you're wrong.
    Ajax touches Wade with the I.V. NEEDLE, pressing here and
    there, not QUITE hard enough to break skin. At last, he
    locates the subclavian vein. Wade flinches.
                        AJAX (CONT'D)
              We're injecting you with a serum that
              activates mutant genes. For it to work,
              we need to subject you to extreme stress.
    The liquid glows FLUORESCENT through Wade's white skin as it
    pumps into the pulmonary highway.
                         AJAX (CONT'D)
              You've heard the whole make-an-omelette,
              break-some-eggs bit?
                  (Wade blinks)
              I'm about to hurt you, Wade. The kind of
              hurt I can't describe and you can't
              prepare for. It's cruel stuff. And
              there's no way out for you. No secret
              you can tell me. No soft spot in me to
              appeal to.
    Wade stares at them in shock.



                                                             (CONTINUED)
                                                               52.
               Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

31 CONTINUED: (4) 31

                        ANGEL DUST
              What, you expected Weapon X?
    Ajax starts to TURN AWAY, but stops.
                         AJAX
              One more thing. What's the ad? `I'm not
              just the president. I'm a client?' I've
              been through this procedure myself. It
              made me stronger. It also scorched my
              nerve endings. So I no longer feel pain.
              In fact...
                  (smiles)
              I no longer feel anything.
    Wade reacts by SAYING something - made UNINTELLIGIBLE by the
    surgical tubing. Ajax nods to Angel Dust, who slices the
    SURGICAL TUBING, SNAPPING it away and FREEING Wade to TALK.
                        WADE
              Something in your teeth.
    Ajax smiles WITHOUT opening his mouth, signals Angel Dust.
    She slams Wade's head back again as he turns to leave.
    Before he exits, Ajax hesitates, can't help but check his
    teeth in one of the surgical mirrors.
                        WADE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
              Made you look! Hey, is Ajax your real
              name? `Cause it sounds suspiciously made
              up. What's it really? Steve? Mark?
              Trevor? Kyle?
                  (E.T. voice)
              Elliot?
    We hear LAUGHS from nearby tents.      Wade is now playing for an
    audience.
                        AJAX
              Joke away. The one thing that never
              survives this place is a sense of humor.
                           WADE
              We'll see!
                         AJAX
                  (to Angel Dust)
              All yours.
    We re-take WADE'S P.O.V. as Angel Dust, chewing her
    matchstick, re-enters frame above him, smiles, then punches
    him in the face. Black.
                                                                       53.
                    Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


32 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT/DAY - MONTAGE - PAST 32

      A MONTAGE of Wade's treatments in the Workshop, set to the
      notes of JOHN DENVER's inspirational classic, `I WANT TO
      LIVE.' Juxtaposed with HARROWING VIGNETTES of Angel Dust and
      AJAX experimenting on WADE...
      ...as he GASPS, CLAWS, SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER.
      Wade is DUNKED into thick, molasses-like LIQUID. PULLED and
      YANKED, POKED and PRODDED by contraptions that would have
      shamed the Spanish Inquisition.
      SAWED.   COMPRESSED.     SLICED.   DICED.   SLAP-CHOPPED.     BLED.
      LONG SYRINGES PLUNGE DEEP INTO SOFT TISSUE.
      SCALPELS MAKE LONG INCISIONS.
      ENDOSCOPIC CAMERAS TRAVEL THROUGH THE BODY, REVEALING THE
      DIRTY WORK OF INVASIVE SURGICAL EQUIPMENT.
      STAPLE-GUNS DRIVE STAPLES INTO SLICED SKIN TO PULL IT BACK
      TOGETHER.
      MINIATURE CIRCULAR SAWS SLICE THROUGH BONE.
      IV's PULL FLUIDS FROM THE BODY AND INSERT OTHER FLUIDS IN.
                             JOHN DENVER
                   I want to share what I can give.     I want
                   to be... I want to live!
      We also see SHORT, ULTRA-FAST MINI-MONTAGES of medical
      instruments, implying the PASSAGE of TIME.

32AA INT. WORKSHOP - MONTAGE - NIGHT 32AA

      Over images of:
      INJECTION:
                             AJAX (V.O.)
                   The serum I'm injecting you with targets
                   any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
      TORTURE:
                             AJAX (V.O.)
                   Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the
                   serum, so we must subject you to extreme
                   stress.


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                        54.
                    Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

32AA CONTINUED: 32AA

                             AJAX (V.O.)
                   If you're lucky, the mutant genes will
                   activate and manifest in spectacular
                   fashion.
                             AJAX (V.O.)
                   If not, we'll have no choice but to keep
                   hurting you in new and different ways.
                   Each more painful than the last.

32AA INT. WORKSHOP - DAY 32AA

                             AJAX
                   Until you finally mutate.      Or die.

33 INT. WORKSHOP - WADE'S TENT / WORM'S TENT - NIGHT 33

      At last, Wade is laid back down on his table, only now in
      QUIET DARKNESS, MEEK, WITHOUT ANY RESISTANCE whatever.
                               CUNNINGHAM (O.S.)
                   Puppies.
      In the tent NEXT to Wade, CUNNINGHAM holds up his FIST to the
      fabric. Wade can see it through the cloth in SILHOUETTE.
                             CUNNINGHAM (CONT'D)
                   It helps picturing puppies.
      Wade gives Cunningham a KNUCKLE BUMP through the fabric.
                               WADE
                   Puppies.
                             CUNNINGHAM
                   Or kittens. If you swing that way.
                             WADE
                       (chuckles)
                   I swing both ways.
      Wade swallows hard, grows serious:
                             WADE (CONT'D)
                   But me, I've been making a list of things
                   I still plan to do.
                             CUNNINGHAM
                   A bucket list?



                                                                   (CONTINUED)
                                                                     55.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

33 CONTINUED: 33

                           WADE
                 I prefer fuck-it list: Naked tandem base-
                 jumping with the WNBA's Sacramento
                 Monarchs... Sparking up a spliff with the
                 Olympic torch...
                           CUNNINGHAM
                 Finishing my Lego Millenium Falcon...
                           WADE
                 Giving Meredith Baxter Birney a dutch
                 oven...
                           CUNNINGHAM
                 Making my kids banana pancakes...
                            AJAX (O.S.)
                 With the mouse ears? Creative, and
                 delicious.
    AJAX and ANGEL DUST enter CUNNINGHAM's tent and begin
    prepping him for a fresh round of torture.
                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 It's OK, I encourage distractions. Can't
                 have you giving up on us, can we now, you
                 little worm?
    Suddenly, a VOICE calls out from the adjacent tent:
                           WADE (O.S.)
                 Don't take that shit, Cunningham! How
                 tough can he be? Name like Francis.
    Ajax is very subtly SURPRISED.      WHAT did Wade just say?       WADE
    is still strapped down inside.      Talking nice and LOUD:
                           WADE (CONT'D)
                 That's right! He got `Ajax' off a dish-
                 washing liquid!
                     (laughs from nearby tents)
                 Legal name's Francis. F-R-A-N-C-I-oops.
    Ajax has ENTERED Wade's tent. Ajax's expression tells us all
    we need to know about the validity of Wade's claim.
    With as much freedom of motion as he has in one hand, Wade
    WAVES a STUB of PAPER at Francis.
                            WADE (CONT'D)
                 Dry-cleaning tag, Francis.     Snagged it
                 off your lab coat.
                     (beat)
                            (MORE)
                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    56.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

33 CONTINUED: (2) 33

                          WADE (CONT'D)
                FYI. I may be able to get you the super-
                hero discount.
     CLOSE-UP on the tag, which reads `FREEMAN, FRANCIS.'
     Ajax stares hard at Wade with menacing eyes.
                          AJAX
                You are so relentlessly annoying. Shut
                the fuck up, or I'll sew that pretty
                mouth shut.
                          WADE
                Uh, I wouldn't do that. Here's the
                problem with round-the-clock torture.
                You can't really step it up from there.
                          AJAX
                Is that what you think?
                           WADE
                Yeah.   Francis.    That's what I think.

34 OMITTED 34

V35 EXT/INT. MONTAGE - VARIOUS V35

35 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 35

     Two ORDERLIES and ANGEL DUST finish strapping Wade down and
     attaching ELECTRODES to his head and chest. Wade is BOUND to
     a HOSPITAL BED that's ENCASED in a large CAPSULE of
     PLEXIGLAS.
     The top half of the capsule is hinged to one side, OPEN,
     allowing Angel Dust access to Wade.
     Ajax sits eating a meal from some Tupperware in a nearby
     chair.
                          AJAX
                Seems your genes are as stubborn as you.
                But we can still increase your suffering.
                We don't even have a name for this next
                toy.
     Various WIRES and TUBES run out of the capsule, connected to
     OXYGEN TANKS, DIALS, and a MONITOR tracking BRAIN and HEART.
                          AJAX (CONT'D)
                We reduce the oxygen in the air to the
                exact point you feel like you're
                suffocating.
                          (MORE)
                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                        57.
                  Deadpool      Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

35 CONTINUED: 35

                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 If you start to pass out, and your brain
                 waves slow, we turn up the O2. If you
                 catch your breath, and your heart rate
                 slows, we turn it back down. And we
                 leave you. Right. There.
                               WADE
                 Um.   What?
                           AJAX
                 Waterboarding is the most severe stress
                 known to man. This device prolongs that
                 stress. For hours, days, weeks...
    Angel Dust chews her match and TAPS the capsule with a
    FINGER.
                           ANGEL DUST
                 Or if you keep yapping, years...
                           WADE
                 And I thought you were dicks before
                 this.
                           AJAX
                 The saddest part? You still think we're
                 making you a super-hero. You.
                 Dishonorable discharge. Beating up pizza
                 guys. Hip deep in hookers. You're
                 nothing. I'd call you an asshole, but
                 I'd have to answer to assholes. Little
                 secret, Wade. The Workshop doesn't make
                 super-heroes. It makes super-slaves.
                 We're gonna fit you for a control collar
                 and auction you to the highest bidder.
                     (finishes meal, gets up)
                 Who knows what they'll force you to do.
                 Put down freedom fighters. Murder
                 innocents. Or maybe just mow a lawn or
                 two.
                           ANGEL DUST
                 There's a brave face.
    Ajax goes to close the lid.
                           WADE
                 Seriously. Now you do have something in
                 your teeth.
                           AJAX
                 Enjoy the weekend!


                                                                   (CONTINUED)
                                                                      58.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

35 CONTINUED: (2) 35

     Ajax swings the capsule CLOSED and LOCKS it. The sound leaks
     away until all that's left is a HISSING SOUND as AJAX hits
     BUTTONS to lower O2 LEVELS.
     Wade's voice drops out as his breathing suddenly grows SHORT
     and SHALLOW. The oxygen dials fall. His HEART-RATE SOARS.
                          ANGEL DUST
                    (chuckles)
                He looks like a turd in a punch-bowl.
                          AJAX
                    (bright idea)
                The `Punch-Bowl!'
     Wade fights off panic. His breaths become desperate GASPS.
     There's not enough air to talk, or even SCREAM.
                                                        DISSOLVE TO:

35A INT. WORKSHOP TENT - LATER 35A

     Night.   Eerily DARK, SILENT.
     An extreme CLOSE-UP of Wade's hand, nails clenched into the
     surface of whatever he's lying on. Is his skin... actually
     BUBBLING?
     Two MEN enter the tent and stand over the PUNCH-BOWL.
     CLICK. One of the men turns on a surgical light overhead,
     revealing himself to be a KINDLY-looking DOCTOR, avuncular,
     thick glasses. Next to him is an ORDERLY. The doctor peers
     through the Punch-Bowl's lid. He is SURPRISED by what he
     sees. He nods to the orderly: `Go on, hurry.'
     The orderly quickly unlocks and unlatches the lid, then
     swings it OPEN. Air RUSHES INTO the PUNCH-BOWL. The orderly
     steps away, leaving the doctor alone in the room.
     WADE, hidden in darkness, gasps as though surfacing after
     being held underwater.
     The doctor casts a SHADOW over WADE's face inside.         The
     doctor is FASCINATED, ENLIVENED.
                          DOCTOR
                Mr. Wilson... these results are
                remarkable.
     Wade takes deep LUNGS-FUL of AIR.



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                      59.
                   Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

35A CONTINUED: 35A

                            DOCTOR (CONT'D)
                  Your cancer cells are more aggressive
                  than ever. Dividing and metastasizing at
                  a fantastic rate.
                            WADE
                      (broken, breathless)
                  Yippee.
                            DOCTOR
                  But... the cells have inalterably
                  changed. They're no longer destructive,
                  but productive, selectively targeting and
                  replacing damaged tissue.
                            WADE
                  That was a lot of... what's the word...
                  syllables. Are you saying I'm better?
                            DOCTOR
                  Better than better.    A miracle.
                             WADE
                      (weak smile)
                  My Mom used to call me that.
                      (ALT:)
                  Me and Jesus.
                      (beat, to doctor)
                  Thank you. I owe you my life.
     Wade grows choked up. The doctor is taken with empathy and
     affection. He tenderly brushes the hair off Wade's forehead,
     of which the camera catches the tiniest glimpse. Wade's skin
     is not RIGHT somehow.
                            DOCTOR
                  There. There. Your journey's been long
                  and difficult. But you've become
                  something extraordinary. Just rest now.
                  Rest.
     The doctor slowly exits.     Wade lies there.    Actually relaxes.
                            DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                  Then, just when I thought I could breathe
                  easy...
     Who appears over the PUNCH-BOWL but...
     ...AJAX.



                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                              60.
                Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

35A CONTINUED: (2) 35A

                        AJAX
               Oo. Someone lost his shot at homecoming
               king.
                         WADE
               You f-fucking sadistic-
                         AJAX
               No. Not fair. Everything I've done to
               you has been in your best interest. Even
               this next bit. You may be cured, but you
               still need to learn to be a better man.
               Polite. Respectful. What better way to
               teach you than to close this lid... and
               keep torturing you stupid.
     Ajax SLAMS the lid shut, LATCHES and LOCKS it. The hissing
     resumes. Wade's eyes grow wide. He starts to slip-slide
     toward absolute ANGUISH.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               If you think I'm losing my marbles `cause
               I can't breathe. You're only half right.
     Ajax appears to be looking in at Wade. But we RACK FOCUS to
     reveal he's looking at his REFLECTION in the Plexiglas lid,
     checking for stuff between his teeth.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               See, if Francis was able to see his
               reflection...
     The camera SWINGS around to Wade's POINT-OF-VIEW of Ajax
     through the glass lid, which has been newly ILLUMINATED by
     the surgical light above...
     ...and then RACKS FOCUS to WADE's REFLECTED FACE. Covered
     with HORRIFIC SCARS. Wade is no longer a handsome young man.
     He is a monster. Which is perfectly visible to him one foot
     away.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               You know what they say. You always
               remember your first time.
     Wade throws back his head in a SILENT SCREAM.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               Even 5 years later...
                                                                      61.
                   Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


36 EXT./INT. SCRAP-YARD / GROUND - DAY - PRESENT 36

      Back in the PRESENT, we find ourselves in a huge SCRAP-YARD,
      where various ships, planes, etc. are sold for scrap iron.
      Among various vehicles is an OLD, BATTERED COMBAT CARRIER,
      long given up for dead.
      A heavy truck navigates through the heaps of scrap-metal and
      grinds to a stop in front of the carrier.
      Two heavyset MEN climb down and head toward the back of the
      truck, heave the heavy door open.
      AJAX and ANGEL DUST stand just inside, boxes and gear piled
      up behind them. They hop down as four more rough-looking men
      pile out behind them.
      Angel Dust drags out a WOODEN CRATE. The planks crunch as
      she digs her fingers into the wood and heaves it up on one
      burly shoulder as if it weighed no more than a sack of flour.
      Heavy AMMO peeks through.
                            ANGEL DUST
                  Better to be the hunter than the hunted.
      Ajax and Angel Dust walk across the muddy yard toward a
      service elevator bolted to the rusting hulk of the carrier.
                            AJAX
                  Either I kill him, or he kills me.     Let's
                  put him out of our misery...

VA37 INT. GARBAGE TRUCK - DAY VA37

      DEADPOOL lays horizontal.     He is speaking to the AUDIENCE:
                            DEADPOOL
                  There... all caught up.
      He CLIMBS up and out of the GARBAGE TRUCK.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                      (yells to driver)
                  Thanks for the lift! Apologies if I bled
                  in the recyclables.

37 INT./EXT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT 37

      A mid-city DUPLEX. Borderline ghetto. Semi-furnished,
      `first apartment' quality: futons and torchiere lamps.



                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                     62.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

37 CONTINUED: 37

    Stained carpet, currently being swept by a roaming ROOMBA.
    IKEA... everywhere.
    The same old AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN we glimpsed early in the
    movie - late 70's - purple floral dress - sits on a ratty
    couch, where the typical old woman might KNIT.
    Instead, this old woman uses a BOX-CUTTER to lay waste to a
    BIG CARDBOARD BOX from IKEA - the `IVAR SHELVING UNIT.'
    She lays out its components and tools on a wobbly IKEA NORNAS
    COFFEE TABLE...
    ...made more difficult by the fact that she is completely
    BLIND. This is Deadpool's roommate, BLIND AL.
    Suddenly, Blind Al's KEEN EAR picks up a faint, distant
    KNOCKING. She cocks her head to LISTEN.

38 EXT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT 38

    ANGLE ON THE FRONT YARD:
    Dirt. No grass. `93 Chevy Avon up on BLOCKS. An exhausted
    DEADPOOL is slumped against his own front door, red suit, no
    mask, no right HAND. He is KNOCKING weakly on the door with
    the SIDE of his HEAD.

39 INT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY - PRESENT 39

    ANGLE ON THE LIVING ROOM:
    BLIND AL stands up in comfy creme nursing shoes. Grabs her
    red-tipped CANE. And shuffles toward the front door...
    ...when she is TRIPPED by the ROOMBA.        She FACE-PLANTS.
                           DEADPOOL (O.S.)
                     (from outside)
                 Let's get ready to Rooooooomba!
                           BLIND AL
                     (under breath)
                 Ass-hat.
    Al SWINGS her cane angrily, again and again, trying to hit
    the robotic vacuum, which moves happily just out of reach.
    She reaches her knees and stretches for the door when...
    ...DEADPOOL SPRINGS it open from outside, SLAMMING it into
    her HEAD. Blind Al goes down again.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                      63.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

39 CONTINUED: 39

                           DEADPOOL
                 Morning, roomie!
                     (sniffs)
                 This place reeks like old lady pants.
                           BLIND AL
                     (still supine)
                 Yes. I'm old. I wear pants.
                           DEADPOOL
                 But you're no lady.
    Blind Al struggles to a sitting position. Deadpool walks
    past her in his socks, drops his muddy BOOTS to the floor and
    slips into a pair of POWDER-BLUE CROCS parked just inside the
    door.
                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 So comfy.
                           BLIND AL
                 Upside of being blind:     I've never seen
                 you in Crocs.
                           DEADPOOL
                 You mean my big rubber masturbatin'
                 shoes?
                           BLIND AL
                 Yes I know. Downside of being blind:        I
                 hear everything in this duplex.
    Deadpool walks bitterly past one wall of the DUPLEX, which is
    COVERED - WALL-to-WALL, FLOOR-to-CEILING, with CHRISTMAS
    ADVENT CALENDARS.
    Tons of ornaments/candies/etc. adorn the calendars.            There's
    not ONE CALENDAR left uncovered.
                           DEADPOOL
                 One-thousand eight-hundred twenty-two
                 ornaments pinned to two-hundred-sixty
                 calendars. All for a `Christmas' that...
                 never... came!
                           BLIND AL
                 Too much naughty, too little nice.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Sit on a stick.
    DEADPOOL SPLAYS OUT on a white futon, MOANING, nursing his
    horrifying wound.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                     64.
               Deadpool      Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

39 CONTINUED: (2) 39

                            BLIND AL
              Bactine?
                        DEADPOOL
                  (dripping sarcasm)
              Yeah. Bactine should do it. How's the
              Kullen coming? IKEA doesn't assemble
              itself.
    Blind Al sits back on the ratty couch and begins applying the
    finishing touches to the shelving unit.
                        BLIND AL
              You're telling me. I don't mind the
              Kullen. It's an improvement on the
              Hurdal.
                        DEADPOOL
              Anything's an improvement on the Hurdal.
              I'd have taken a Hemnes... or even a
              Trysil... over the Hurdal. But I didn't
              get excited `til I saw the Kullen.
                        BLIND AL
              Screw please.
                        DEADPOOL
              Here? Now? Just kidding.          I know it's
              been decades for you.
                        BLIND AL
              You'd be surprised.
                        DEADPOOL
              And totally grossed out!
    Blind Al turns the final screw, beyond unenthusiastic.
                            BLIND AL
              Ta.    Dah.
    The dresser look like the Leaning Tower of Piza in shitty
    particle board. Deadpool TOSSES a DIRTY MAGAZINE on top.
    The Kullen COLLAPSES.
                        BLIND AL (CONT'D)
              I wish I'd never heard of Craig's List.
                        DEADPOOL
              And I quote: `Looking for roommate.
              Blind to life's imperfections. Must be
              good with hands.' Or wouldya rather I
              build IKEA and you pay rent?


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                      65.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

39 CONTINUED: (3) 39

                          BLIND AL
                Why such a douche this morning?
                          DEADPOOL
                Let's recap. That cock-thistle who
                turned me into this freak... the one I've
                been waiting five years for... slipped
                through my arms today. Arm.
      Deadpool holds up his previously severed arm, which now has
      a little tweenage ARM emerging off it. Yes. Deadpool can
      GROW BACK LIMBS.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Catching him was my only chance to be hot
                again. Get my super-sexy ex back. And
                stop the same shit from happening to
                anyone else. So yeah, things are pretty
                fucking scrumptious.
      Deadpool stands. Walks behind the couch, and as he passes
      the back of Blind Al's head... FARTS.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Hash-tag Drive-by.
                          BLIND AL
                    (to herself)
                I'm gonna find this `Craig.'        And I'm
                gonna kill him.
                          DEADPOOL
                Once I've got the cure, I'm gonna do the
                same to Francis...

RS40 INT. WORKSHOP TENT - LATER RS40

      WADE, newly scarred, hidden in darkness, continues to GASP as
      though being held underwater. Then the lid on the punch-bowl
      SLIDES BACK, revealing AJAX. Wade takes deep LUNGS-FUL of
      AIR. Ajax leans in for a closer look.
                          AJAX
                Bloody hell. Someone lost his shot at
                homecoming king.
                          WADE
                    (can barely speak)
                What have you done to me?!
                          AJAX
                You give me too much credit. This...
                this is the result of your genes.
                          (MORE)
                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                       66.
                    Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

RS40 CONTINUED: RS40

                             AJAX (CONT'D)
                   The punch bowl merely raised your stress
                   to trigger the mutation.
                             WADE
                   You... sadistic... fuck!
                             AJAX
                   Where's the gratitude?! You're cured!
                   Your mutated cells can heal anything.
                   They're attacking the cancer as fast as
                   it can form. Your insides are a war
                   zone. Not to mention your outsides!
      Wade looks stunned as he struggles to process all this
      information. Ajax smiles down.
                             AJAX (CONT'D)
                   I've seen similar side-effects before.         I
                   could cure them for you. But really,
                   where's the fun in that?
      Wade says nothing, hating him but wanting to believe.
                             AJAX (CONT'D)
                   I'm going to close this lid again.     Maybe
                   you no longer need it. But I do.
      For a long moment, Wade stares intensely at Ajax and sees...
      nothing, a black hole of empathy. And he knows this is a man
      who will never stop hurting him.
      ***NOTE: We will not be reshooting the rest of the scene
      below with the exception of the final shot.****
      So he turns his gaze to the ceiling and WITHDRAWS into
      himself... the one place the cruelty can no longer reach him.
      Angel Dust enters, chewing on her usual matchstick.
                             AJAX
                   He's all yours.
      Angel leans over the Punch-bowl, starts to undo Wade's
      restraints.
                             ANGEL
                   You smell like shit.
      When Angel Dust leans close to Wade's head he suddenly comes
      alive and uses the strength he has left to HEAD-BUTT her in
      the FOREHEAD.



                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                       67.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script     11/16/15
    CONTINUED:
                           AJAX
                     (impressed)
                 Whoa.
    Angel advances toward Wade.      Ajax stops her.
                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 Hey, hey, alright. It's alright. I
                 think he earned that one, yeah? You take
                 off. Go on... off you go.
    As Angel Dust EXITS the tent, she reaches to her mouth for
    her matchstick... only it's not there. She frowns, fishes
    another match from her pocket, and tucks it between her lips.
    Ajax finishes strapping Wade back down and goes to close the
    lid.
                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 One question. What's my name?
    Wade remains listless, mouth SHUT.       BLINKS.
                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 Didn't think so.
    Ajax CLOSES and LOCKS the lid.      HISS.    The oxygen DIALS FALL.
                           DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                 Sorry, Francis. But my lips are sealed.
    And then we're inside the punch bowl with Wade as the oxygen
    levels drop and the suffering rises. Through a fog of misery
    Wade sees Ajax staring down, watching him, drinking in his
    pain.

41 INT. WORKSHOP - NIGHT - PAST 41

    Back in the Punch-Bowl, Wade OPENS his MOUTH... within which
    he was HIDING a SINGLE MATCHSTICK, clenched carefully - dryly
    - between his teeth.
    He inhales... then SPITS OUT the match into his waiting PALM.
    Finally, he STRIKES it against the side of the Punch Bowl.
    Wade aims the now FLAMING match toward the tiny HOLE through
    which OXYGEN flows. The match is quickly burning down. Will
    it reach the hole before it snuffs out?
    At the last possible moment...
    ...the flame COMBUSTS the stream of oxygen, IGNITING it...


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                       68.
                 Deadpool     Final Shooting Script    11/16/15

41 CONTINUED: 41

    ...back through the TRANSPARENT PLASTIC TUBE that trails
    outside the Punch-Bowl.
    The flame SNAKES through the tube, this way and that, until
    it reaches the OXYGEN TANK standing next to the Punch-Bowl.
    A beat. Then the TANK EXPLODES.
    The   BLOWS APART.      The hospital bed SNAPS in TWO.
    Out in the ward, the FIREBALL curls outward, spreading from
    TENT to TENT. BOOM! BOOM! Other flammable tanks DETONATE.
    The tents GO UP like ROMAN CANDLES.        It's now MASS CHAOS.
    ALARMS BLARE.    Flames LEAP.     Smoke BILLOWS.     Patients FLEE.
    A CURTAIN of FIRE suddenly DISPERSES, replaced by billowy
    WHITE SMOKE from an OVER-SIZED CHROME FIRE EXTINGUISHER...
    ...held by AJAX, who STRIDES grimly toward Wade's tent.             He
    throws back the burning fabric...
    ...and nearly EATS an OXYGEN TANK.        He BLOCKS it at the last
    moment with his FIRE EXTINGUISHER.        CLANG.
    On the other end of the oxygen tank, WIND-MILLING it with
    unbridled FEROCITY, is WADE.
    WADE and AJAX SWING the oxygen tank and fire extinguisher
    like modern day CLUBS, trying to take off each other's heads.
    CLANG!   BANG!   BAM!    The tanks COLLIDE in mid-air.
    Ajax's fingers CRUNCH between metal.        He doesn't even feel
    it.
    Wade grabs the HOSE of Ajax's fire extinguisher, angles it
    up, and gets his finger on the TRIGGER.
    The extinguisher BLASTS.      Ajax is momentarily BLINDED.
    Wade brings the oxygen tank down like a LUMBERJACK'S AXE.
    Ajax BLOCKS it, but is driven to his KNEES.
    Wade's eyes are lit with fire. DOWN the tank COMES, again
    and AGAIN. Ajax takes his own fire extinguisher to the CHIN.
    Then catches a BLOW from the oxygen TANK to his TEMPLE.
    The extinguisher goes FLYING. Wade swings the OXYGEN TANK
    AGAIN, but against all odds, AJAX CATCHES it and SLAMS it
    back into Wade's NOSE. CRUNCH.



                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                    69.
               Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

41 CONTINUED: (2) 41

    Ajax rises to his feet, and the two grip OPPOSITE SIDES of
    the OXYGEN TANK, GRAPPLING with every ounce of strength.
    Wade sweeps Ajax's feet and he topples over backwards, Wade
    on top of him. Wade lifts the heavy tank and slams it into
    his face. Once. Twice. Three times. CRACK.
    As he's about to finish the job Ajax smiles, blood bubbling
    from his smashed lips.
                        AJAX
              You can't kill me, Wade. I'm the only
              one who can fix that ugly mug.
    Wade looks torn as his rage gives way to something like hope.
    He tosses the tank away.
                        WADE
              Then time to make me me again.
    A scream of terror behind Wade makes Wade turn.
                         CUNNINGHAM (O.S.)
              Wade!   Help! Wade!
    Wade looks through the smoke and flame and spies a helpless
    Cunningham lying in the flaming wreckage.
                           WADE
              Fuck!
    Wade drops Ajax and SPRINTS to Cunningham, starts dragging at
    the WRECKAGE trapping him, when... SLICE! A long piece of
    sheared REBAR THRUSTS CLEAN THROUGH his CHEST from BEHIND.
    The force sends the spear DEEP into the wooden floor beams,
    pinning Wade like an insect in an entomologist's display.
    In a grand display of strength, AJAX BENDS the end of the
    rebar to keep Wade pinned... then walks around and squats
    down into Wade's eye line, wearing a triumphant sneer.
                           AJAX
              Say it.     `Francis.'
    Blood dribbles from Wade's mouth as he tries in vain to push
    himself off the bloody spike of metal. Ajax rises, scans the
    burning workshop with a scowl - clearly a lost cause - and
    turns to leave.
    Cunningham screams again as the flames near him. Grunting
    with the pain and effort Wade tries to push himself off the
    spike.


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                        70.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script      11/16/15

41 CONTINUED: (3) 41

     His hands slip on the blood-slick metal, and he cannot free
     himself. His VOLTRON RING lies on the floor next to him.
     Wade and Cunningham share a last look.          Cunningham clamps his
     jaws shut, fighting the agony.
     CREAK... CRACKLE... the ROOF COLLAPSES, BURYING BOTH OF THEM.
     And we... CUT TO BLACK.
                                                             FADE UP ON:

42 INT. WORKSHOP - DAY 42

     Morning's first sunlight. WADE's VOLTRON RING lies
     COMPLETELY MELTED in the DEBRIS. The camera follows it to
     Wade's hand... then up his arm to his FACE.
     WADE's eyelids flutter, and he COMES TO. He is naked, his
     hospital gown burned away. We see BLACKENED SLUDGE, SOOT,
     charred remains. The melted and scorched metal rod next to
     him.
     Wade slowly realizes where he is and what happened. He
     reaches down to his stomach wound... WHICH HAS MIRACULOUSLY
     HEALED. Wade sits up, stunned.
                           DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                 I didn't just get the cure to El Cáncer.
                 I got the cure to everything.

V43 EXT. CITY STREET - MORNING - PAST V43

     VANESSA, tired, broken, mind seemingly elsewhere, walks
     towards her apartment. She passes a loving young COUPLE, arm-
     in-arm.
     Vanessa clocks this sadly, continues on.
     Behind her, PEOPLE walk to and fro.      Among them, we REVEAL:
     WADE, dressed in ill-fitting pants and a hoodie. He is a
     TRAIN-WRECK, scarred face on display to the world for the
     first time.
     He looks purposeful, but tentative, walking behind Vanessa,
     GAINING on her.
     ANGLE ON:   WADE's P.O.V.
     A BOY goes by on his bike, trying hard not to gape. A
     TODDLER in a STROLLER looks up and BURSTS INTO TEARS. The
     toddler's MOTHER hustles past.


                                                                   (CONTINUED)
                                                                      71.
                   Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

V43 CONTINUED: V43

                            MOTHER
                  Alex, don't stare.
     VANESSA stops and rifles through her purse for keys.
     STILL on Wade's P.O.V. Wade stops, too, suddenly paralyzed,
     as the moment to face Vanessa arrives.
     As he hesitates, torn with anguish, the WHISPERS seem to
     grow, rising in volume until they become deafening:
                            WHISPER 2 (O.S.)
                  Oh, my, god, that is so fucking gnarly.
                            WHISPER 3 (O.S.)
                  I just lost my appetite.
     Wade spins, trying to see where the voices are coming from.
     Nowhere... everywhere. The WHISPERS crescendo, now more in
     Wade's mind than in reality.
     He turns back to Vanessa, his face a mask of fear and pain...
     just as she disappears into her apartment building. The
     closing glass door reveals his own HIDEOUS REFLECTION STARING
     BACK AT HIM.
                             DEADPOOL
                  In the whole wide world, there's nothing
                  as ugly...
                      (beat)
                  ...as fear.
     He gives up on his mission, backing away from his reflection,
     Vanessa, his old life. He stumbles off the curb and into the
     street, when... BAM!
     He is CRUSHED OUT OF FRAME by a SPEEDING BUS.
                                                          SMASH CUT TO
                                                                BLACK.
     FADE UP ON:

A43 INT. MORGUE - NIGHT A43

     THREE BODY BAGS lie on SLABS in a MORGUE.
     Without warning, the MIDDLE bag SITS UP STRAIGHT at the
     WAIST...
     ...then tries to CATERPILLAR its way to the edge of its
     slab...


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                          72.
                    Deadpool    Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

A43 CONTINUED: A43

      ...but instead pitches off the slab - CRUNCH - FACE-FIRST
      onto the floor.
                               WADE (O.S.)
                   Ow.

B44 INT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - NIGHT B44

      An FBI-STYLE `ORGANIZATIONAL CHART' has been pinned on Wade's
      CORKBOARD in the lair. A `pyramid' of baddies are linked by
      strings. Each baddie is depicted not by a photograph, but a
      child-like CRAYON DRAWING.
      Second from the top is the RECRUITER.
      At the APEX of the pyramid is AJAX HIMSELF.
      DEADPOOL, in his LAIR, sews together an early `proto-
      costume.'
      We see quick cuts of pieces of it going on:
      White Adidas track suit. White gloves.            White boots.     And
      some sort of white mask...
      A single gun, underarm holster, boot knife but no swords.

VC44 INT. POOL HALL - NIGHT VC44

                             DEADPOOL
                   Don't make me ask twice.     Where's
                   Francis?!
      DEADPOOL questions a bleeding thug, more bodies scattered
      across a floor littered with broken furniture behind him.
      Another thug rushes in and smashes a pool cue over Deadpool's
      skull. Deadpool snatches the broken shaft of wood and PUNCHES
      it into the thugs belly.
      A third thug staggers to his feet, pulls a pistol, fires
      multiple shots point blank. Deadpool staggers back, blood
      blossoming across his white suit.
      "CLICK"
      The thug stares in disbelief that Deadpool's still standing.
      Deadpool looks down at the shaft of wood in his hand.
      Thinks.



                                                                     (CONTINUED)
                                                                          73.
                    Deadpool      Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

VC44 CONTINUED: VC44

                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                   I said, where's... fucking... FR-
                       (realizes)
                   You made me ask twice.
      Deadpool spins the bloody cue with inhuman dexterity and
      starts towards the terrified thug, accidentally knocking over
      a PITCHER of BLOODY MARY onto his already bloody stained
      suit.
                                 DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                   Fuck.   Me.

D44 INT. LAUNDROMAT - DAY D44

      DEADPOOL, TIDE STAIN-STICK in hand, tries unsuccessfully to
      get the blood out of his white suit.
      We get our first glimpse of BLIND AL, who's sitting next to
      Deadpool at the laundromat, completely unfazed by the
      bloodbath:
                             BLIND AL
                   Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
                       (off Deadpool's impressed
                        look, shrugs)
                   Or wear red.
      Deadpool's eyes light up. He crumples this suit into a ball
      and tosses it into a trash bin.

E44/H44 INT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - NIGHT E44/H44

      Deadpool stabs a KNIFE into the picture of the GOON he just
      killed (at the bottom of the pyramid)... right in the
      FOREHEAD.

F44 INT. LAIR - NIGHT F44

      DEADPOOL's at the sewing machine again.
      Quick cuts of a RED `proto' outfit going on: Cheap red
      sweats. Red gloves. Red converse. As yet unseen RED MASK,
      which turns out to be...

VG44 INT. UNDERGROUND FIGHT - NIGHT VG44

      ...a RED `LUCHA LIBRE' PRO WRESTLING MASK.
      Deadpool stands in the shadows of a dingy basement, low
      ceilings, walls stacked high with cases of liquor.



                                                                     (CONTINUED)
                                                                         74.
                    Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

VG44 CONTINUED: VG44

      In a BOXING RING at the center of the room two WOMEN pound
      each other surrounded by a scrum of a CROWD. Deadpool spies
      his mark in a dirty white suit pressed in tight ringside.
      Deadpool pulls his mask down, wades into the crowd, throwing
      men aside, PLOWING toward his target.
      The mark sees Deadpool at the last second, turns as a KATANA
      flashes out and skewers his hand, pinning it to the wall.
      Deadpool fires a couple shots into the ceiling, sending the
      rest of the crowd rushing for the exit.
                             DEADPOOL
                   Don't make me ask twice.      Where's-
                                                            SMASH CUT TO:

J44 INT./EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS - INTERROGATIONS/KILLS J44

      Deadpool has a goon at sword-point.
                             DEADPOOL
                   Donde esta Francisco?
                             THUG
                   I don't speak Spanish.
                             DEADPOOL
                       (sighs)
                   And I don't have time for you to learn.
      Deadpool kills the thug.
                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                   Take me to your leader.
                       (turns)
                   I've always wanted to say that.


                                DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                   Squeal.     Like a pig. Where's Francis?


                             DEADPOOL
                   In no particular order. Where's your
                   boss? And where can I find good Indian
                   food?
                             HENCHMAN
                   Why the red suit?


                                                                    (CONTINUED)
                                                                       75.
                   Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

J44 CONTINUED: J44

                            DEADPOOL
                  That's so bad guys can't- never mind,
                  they've already heard that.


                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                  You're about to tell me everything you
                  know about Francis Freeman. Known
                  aliases. Current whereabouts. Boxers or
                  briefs. Go.


                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                      (forces guy's mouth open,
                       goes in with knife)
                  Open your mouth. Here comes the
                  airplane!
                            GOON
                      (gun pointed at forehead, a
                       la Joseph Takagi)
                  I don't know, I'm telling you. You're
                  just going to have to kill me.
                              DEADPOOL
                  OK.
                      (shoots goon in head, a la
                       Hans Gruber, then, to
                       audience:)
                  Right?!


                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                      (goon at knifepoint)
                  Don't make me break out the Collective
                  Soul CDs.



                            DEADPOOL
                  You give me your boss.     I give you the
                  rest of your life.



                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                       76.
                    Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

J44 CONTINUED: (2) J44

                             DEADPOOL
                       (throws woman onto table)
                   I don't feel good about myself.     But
                   where is he? I'm so sorry.

L44 EXT./INT. MONTAGE - VARIOUS L44

      New COSTUME.     BOOM.   A MAN dies.
      STAB.    His picture is knifed.
      BOOM.    STAB.
      QUESTIONS.
      BOOM!    STAB!
      INTERROGATION.
      BOOM!    STAB!
      DEADPOOL questions more and more thugs, each bit of
      information bringing him closer....
      Soon there is a FOREST of knives sticking from the board.
      ...and only the RECRUITER and AJAX are left.

K44/VK44 INT. RICE WORLD - NIGHT K44/VK44

      A wretched room, dirty mattresses covering the floor. Dim
      light scatters through a tangle of IV bags hastily strung up
      over MEN too poor to have anywhere else to go and die.
      The RECRUITER kneels, speaking quietly to a particularly
      hardened patient. He places a card in the man's emaciated
      hand, then stands and walks toward a low doorway.
      The recruiter enters a brightly lit room stacked high with
      bags of rice. Two heavily armed THUGS fall in beside him.
      The men scan the aisles as they move toward a door leading
      out into an alley.
                             DEADPOOL
                   Agent Smith!
      They turn to see DEADPOOL, high atop a stack of rice bags.
                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                   I know, right?! I look like a million
                   bucks.
                       (turns to camera)
                             (MORE)


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                      77.
                    Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

K44/VK44

      CONTINUED:                                                    K44/VK44
                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                   Literally - this suit cost Fox a million
                   dollars.
      Without a word, the Recruiter flees, running through the big
      roll-up door.
      Deadpool leaps to land between the two bodyguards as they
      draw their weapons and spray the room with gunfire.
      One goes down in a bloody heap. Deadpool leaps toward the
      other, skewers him with both swords. The thug falls
      backward, dead before he hits the ground.

L44/VL44 EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT L44/VL44

                             DEADPOOL
                   Come out, come out, wherever you are!
                       (darkens)
                   Don't make me ask tw-
                       (pleasantly surprised)
                   Good for you!
      The Recruiter has stepped timidly from between overflowing
      garbage bins, hands raised, eager to talk his way out of this
      mess:
                             RECRUITER
                   To whom should I address my... desperate
                   bargaining?
                             DEADPOOL
                   Don't recognize the voice? Maybe the
                   resumé: Forty-one confirmed kills. Make
                   that Eighty-nine. Seven the past week
                   alone. Same rate most folks...
                       (pulls out SWORD)
                   ...get a shave.
                             RECRUITER
                       (realizes who it is, fights
                        to stay composed)
                   Mr... Wilson?
                             DEADPOOL
                   Ding-ding-ding! Now... you're about to
                   tell me where I can find your boss. Or
                   I'm gonna make you feel worse. Wait...
      Deadpool brings the sword closer to the recruiter's face.
      Turns to CAMERA:
                             DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                   ...worse than worse.


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                      78.
                    Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

L44/VL44

      CONTINUED:                                                    L44/VL44
                             RECRUITER
                   And I pride myself on being persuasive.
                                                          SMASH CUT TO:

RS44 INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - DAY - PAST RS44

      WADE stands in the shadows.      WEASEL sits at a table.
                             WADE
                   No... no way! I'm not making her life as
                   ugly as mine!
                             WEASEL
                   C'mon, you can't look that bad! It's
                   like that blemish no one notices but you.
                             WADE
                   Wrong. I'm a monster, inside and out. I
                   belong in a circus, the kind that rolls
                   around Eastern Europe in covered wagons.
                             WEASEL
                   I can't envision a scenario where Vanessa
                   won't take you ba-
                       (Wade steps into light,
                        takes off his hoodie)
                   -aaaaaccckkk!! Holy shit. You... are...
                   terrifying. You look like an avocado had
                   sex with an older avocado.
      Wade grabs the bottle of JACK DANIELS from the table,
      GUZZLES.
                             WEASEL (CONT'D)
                   We might have to move our relationship to
                   text and phone only.
      Wade ignores Weas, slams down the bottle:
                             WADE
                   And the only guy who can fix this fugly
                   mug, the asshole who ran that mutant
                   factory, escaped to who knows where.
                             WEASEL
                   I take back the Vanessa thing.      You have
                   only one option.
                             WADE
                   Find Francis-Go-Fuck-Himself.



                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                         79.
                    Deadpool    Final Shooting Script    11/16/15

RS44 CONTINUED: RS44

                             WEASEL
                       (not listening)
                   Star in low budget horror movies.
                   Seriously, you look like Freddy Krueger
                   face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
                             WADE
                       (equally not listening)
                   I'm gonna work my way through his crew...
                   crushing bad guys' skulls, `til one of
                   `em leads me to Francis. Then I'll force
                   him to cure this face. Stomp his bloody
                   guts into a fine vintage. And win
                   Vanessa back.
                             WEASEL
                   OK. Not exactly the plot of Beauty and
                   the Beast, but cool. Good news, that
                   douche thinks you're dead. Advantage
                   you. He won't think you're coming. Bad
                   news, with a puss like that, you'll be
                   spotted fast.
                             WADE
                       (derisive)
                   So what do you suggest?     A mask?
                             WEASEL
                   Not a bad idea! You... are... haunting.
                   Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
                              WADE
                       (nods)
                   Like a testicle with teeth.
                             WEASEL
                   How `bout a super-suit? And a nickname!
                   Bitter-Boy. Super-Fist. Captain Never-
                   Die.
                       (deflates at a thought)
                               WADE
                   What?
                             WEASEL
                   Nothing. It's just... you know, I just
                   realized, I'm never winning the-
      Weasel looks over to Wade, sees him staring.          He follows
      Wade's gaze up to the board on the wall.
                               WADE
                   Deadpool.


                                                                    (CONTINUED)
                                                                       80.
                   Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

RS44 CONTINUED: (2) RS44

      As Wade says the word, he and Weasel share a look.           EUREKA.
      Wade holds up the BOTTLE.
                              WEASEL
                  Deadpool.    To you, Mr. Pool.
      The two CLINK GLASSES.

44A INT./EXT. MONTAGE - DAY/NIGHT - PAST 44A

      A highly pleased DEADPOOL holds up the-soon-to-become-famous
      MASK for the first time, ushering in... a MONTAGE:
      WADE, at SISTER MARGARET's, receives a YELLOW CARD with a
      Cypress Tree from WEASEL.
      He turns a LUCHA LIBRE mask INSIDE OUT to reveal the classic
      DEADPOOL MASK we all know and love. Puts it on. Then
      dresses - piece-by-piece - in the RED UNIFORM we've come to
      know and love. And at last, UNSHEATHES A KATANA. The sword
      TWIRLS, SLASHES, LUNGES into shadow. A HANDKERCHIEF WIPES
      BLOOD from the BLADE. The katana gets SHEATHED again.
      The same yellow card is now RECEIVED and PUNCHED by Weasel.
      Wade is paid in TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS. WHIP CREAM froths onto
      a shot glass. A BLOW-JOB is TOSSED BACK.
      Meanwhile, VANESSA plays SKEE-BALL wistfully by herself at
      the ARCADE:
      SKEE-BALLS roll into HOLES. LIGHTS FLASH. TICKETS CHURN
      OUT. VANESSA catches a reflection of someone STARING at her
      from across the lobby. When she spins around, the culprit is
      GONE. Vanessa SHIVERS... but it's a warm shiver, somehow.
      A HEAP of TICKETS slides across the prize counter. A big
      STUFFED ANIMAL slides into Vanessa's arms. Vanessa tosses it
      into an empty CLOSET inside her and Wade's former APARTMENT.
      Then stares out the SPIDER-WEB CRACK in the window.
      Back at DEADPOOL's LAIR, Deadpool places various suspicious
      accoutrements on the NORNAS COFFEE TABLE: an 8x11 framed
      photo of VANESSA. A BOTTLE of JERGENS. A BOX of KLEENEX.
      His BELT. His powder-blue CROCS. Deadpool kicks back on the
      FUTON. Smiles under his mask.
      CUT TO: BLIND AL, building yet another shelving unit,
      looking up with a grossed-out frown: `Am I hearing what I
      think I'm hearing?'
      Next, DEADPOOL finishes plastering hundreds of ADVENT
      CALENDARS he's purchased onto one WALL of his LAIR.


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                     81.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

44A CONTINUED: 44A

     When the wall is covered, he carefully pins the FIRST
     ornament onto the FIRST tree on the FIRST calendar.
     And at last, his MASK comes OFF and his HEAD hits the PILLOW.
     Instantly, the montage CRANKS UP its SPEED, with quicker and
     quicker EDITS.
     The visual totems that have just been introduced begin to FLY
     by... shorthand for the passage of time:
     Yellow cards are given, received, punched.
     Blades are unsheathed, sheathed, cleaned.
     Whip cream sprayed.     Drinks consumed.
     Skee-balls rolled into holes. Tickets won. Prizes earned.
     Tossed onto a EVER-GROWING PILE in the closet. VANESSA
     staring out her window.
     Jergens pumped. Kleenexes pulled.       Crocs discarded.      BLIND
     AL's ears plugged.
     Ornaments are pinned to calendars.      Lords a-leap.      Swans a-
     swim. Maids a-milk.
     Mask comes off.    Head hits pillow.    Mask pulls on.
     The images fly by FASTER... FASTER... FASTER.
     Whip cream. Skee-balls.     Crocs.    Ornaments.   Weasel.
     Deadpool. Vanessa. Al.
     `I NEED A HERO' plays faster and faster, too - higher and
     higher, like a record on too many RPMs.
     The effect is rhythmic... hypnotic...
     ...until finally, the montage REACHES a CRESCENDO.
     And then BOOM!    Ratchets back to REGULAR SPEED:
     `CHRISTMAS MORNING' has arrived. All the calendars but one
     are now fully studded with decorations. DEADPOOL plucks out
     one last STAR to pin atop the final TREE.
     Only it's not a star at all, it's AJAX's MUG SHOT clipped out
     from the old NEWSPAPER.
     With great satisfaction, Deadpool pins the faded photo to the
     last treetop. The music dies, and Deadpool turns to camera.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                     82.
                 Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

44A CONTINUED: (2) 44A

                          DEADPOOL
                Santa Claus is coming...
                                                        SMASH CUT TO:

45 OMITTED 45

46 INT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAY - PAST 46

                          DEADPOOL (O.S.)
                ...to town!
     DEADPOOL has ONE LEG in his COSTUME and the other LEG still
     stabbing for the other pants-hole.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Late-late-late-late-late!
     He HOPS ACROSS the hall past BLIND AL, not really paying
     attention to her. We're revisiting the moment from earlier
     JUST AFTER she TRIPS on Deadpool's DUFFEL of AMMUNITION,
     PICKS it up, and DRAGS it OFF.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                Hurry-hurry-hurry-hurry-hurry!
                          BLIND AL
                I hope you're doing us the courtesy of
                pants.

47 EXT. CITY STREET - DAY - PAST 47

     DEADPOOL runs out to the street corner and WAVES.
                            DEADPOOL
                Taxi!
     A TAXI - if you've been paying attention, you will recognize
     it - pulls up to the curb. Deadpool opens the rear door. A
     WOMAN steps out, pausing to pay Dopinder.
                          WOMAN
                Keep the change.
     Deadpool frowns. The woman is pulling her money from a
     BERNADETTE PETERS CHANGE PURSE. Deadpool's eyes raise from
     the purse to the woman holding it: BERNADETTE PETERS
     HERSELF! Deadpool doubletakes, then shakes his head (`Nah,
     couldn't be...') and climbs into the cab. Who is behind the
     wheel but...
                          DOPINDER
                Where do you want to be going!


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                        83.
                     Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

47 CONTINUED: 47

                              DEADPOOL
                        (looks to camera)
                    And we all know how this turned out.
                    Cue Benny Hill speed...
       The action goes into Benny-Hill-like HYPER-SPEED as we relive
       the opening scenes of the movie: DEADPOOL's CAB RIDE. AJAX
       crumpling up his orange jumpsuit and switching places with a
       motorcycle RIDER at the RAFT. The FREEWAY FIGHT with AJAX's
       GOONS. The CONFRONTATION with COLOSSUS. Until at last...

VRS48 EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY VRS48

       Transport TRUCKS idle in the loading dock.
       A docile SUPER-SLAVE, fitted with a control collar and cuffs,
       steps into a CRATE IDENTICAL to the ONES AJAX DELIVERED TO
       THE WARLORD in ACT ONE. He lies down.
       ANGEL DUST is overseeing.      She plunges a pistol-grip syringe
       into his neck and fires:
                              ANGEL DUST
                    For your flight.
       The man's eyelids flutter shut. Next to him, four identical
       crates hold four unconscious men and women. The workshop
       henchmen hammer on the tops and laboriously load them up into
       the truck.
       ANGEL picks up one over her shoulder with ease. She turns at
       the sound of a sputtering motorcycle getting closer.
       Ajax rolls in on one of the battered black bikes from the
       freeway. Smoke curls from its broken tailpipe.
       He steps off the bike while it's still moving, just letting
       it roll forward and tip to the ground with a clank.
                              AJAX (O.S.)
                    Quit showing off, Angel.
       Angel doesn't seem surprised by his dirty and bloodied
       appearance. A raised eyebrow and a disapproving look is all
       she has for her boss.

RSA48 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY RSA48

       A WAREHOUSE full of SURGICAL EQUIPMENT. OVERHEAD LAMPS.
       FABRIC TENTS. CHROME TABLES, one of which Ajax sits on.
                              AJAX
                    Wade Fucking Wilson.


                                                                   (CONTINUED)
                                                                        84.
                     Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

RSA48 CONTINUED: RSA48

       ANGEL DUST stands in front of him, putting stitches into his
       GORY MESS of a SHOULDER WOUND.
       He doesn't so much as FLINCH.
                              ANGEL DUST
                    Makes perfect sense.
                              AJAX
                    I suppose if I looked like him, I'd wear
                    a mask too.
                        (Angel finishes final
                         stitch)
                    Only wish I mended the same.
       Ajax pops off the table.     Swings his arm around, testing his
       shoulder.
                              AJAX (CONT'D)
                    Not to worry. We'll put him out of our
                    misery. On our terms.
                              ANGEL DUST
                    And if he heals?
                              AJAX
                    He can't - if there's nothing left of him
                    to heal. And then we go back to business
                    as usual.
       Ajax's hand is a blur as he plucks the MATCHSTICK from
       Angel's mouth.
                              AJAX (CONT'D)
                    What say we leave the matches at home?

49 INT. DEADPOOL'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - PRESENT 49

       ...the PAST reaches the PRESENT. REGULAR SPEED AGAIN.
       DEADPOOL is sitting on his futon, Crocs on, staring at
       camera.
                              DEADPOOL
                    There. All caught up.
                        (shifts weight, moans, lies
                         back on futon)
                              BLIND AL (O.S.)
                    Tylenol P.M.?
       BLIND AL shuffles over from the kitchen with a cup of tea and
       a bottle of Tylenol. She eases down onto the futon next to
       Deadpool.


                                                                   (CONTINUED)
                                                                     85.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

49 CONTINUED: 49

                           DEADPOOL
                 You can stick that where you stuck the
                 Bactine! I found my stash of wisdom-
                 tooth Percocet in the Storjorm, and I'm
                 orbiting Saturn. But I appreciate the
                 gesture.
    Deadpool lays his head on Blind Al's shoulder and gently rubs
    her face with his KID HAND.
                           BLIND AL
                 Am I crazy, or is your hand really small?
                           DEADPOOL
                 The size of a KFC spork.
                           BLIND AL
                 Eesh. I get why you're so pissy. But
                 your mood's never gonna brighten `til you
                 find this woman you love and tell her how
                 you feel!
                           DEADPOOL
                 What do I keep saying, Mrs. Magoo? She
                 wouldn't have me! If you could see me,
                 you'd understand.
                           BLIND AL
                 Love is blind, Wade.
                           DEADPOOL
                 No, you're blind.
    The ROOMBA sucks up THREE SCREWS next to an IVAR shelving
    unit.
                           BLIND AL
                 What was that?
                           DEADPOOL
                 A clue why our Ivar shelving unit's about
                 to fall the fuck apart.
                           BLIND AL
                 So you're just gonna lie there and
                 whimper?
                           DEADPOOL
                 Just clocking time `til this arm plows
                 through puberty. I've got a new
                 Christmas Day.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                86.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

49 CONTINUED: (2) 49

      Deadpool throws his feet, CROCS and all, up on the coffee
      table.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 Now, ya may want to leave the room.
                     (beat)
                 I bet it feels huge in this hand.

RS50 INT. SISTER MARGARET'S - NIGHT RS50

      WEASEL is on the house phone.    The bar is BUSTLING.
                           WEASEL
                 Wade, we got a problem.    And by we I mean
                 you.

VB51 EXT. NO. 5 ORANGE - NIGHT VB51

      DEADPOOL and WEASEL walk hastily, purposefully into the eye
      of the storm. Deadpool is a HOT MESS.
                           DEADPOOL
                 I'm about to lose what's left of my shit.
                 Is there a word for half-afraid, half-
                 furious?
                            WEASEL
                 Afurious? Wait, is it Monday?! They
                 have an amazing Matzah Ball Soup Monday.
                     (beat)
                 Never mind. Have you figured what you're
                 gonna tell her?
                           DEADPOOL
                     (thinks)
                 Fuck.
                           WEASEL
                 It's a start.

51A INT. `NO. 5 ORANGE' STRIP CLUB - NIGHT 51A

      Lights flash. Music pumps. From across the room we see WADE
      and WEASEL enter. Weasel jokes with the DOORMAN while Wade
      scans the crowd, searching for Vanessa.
      EMCEE STAN LEE, sweatsuit, gold chains, Beats headphones,
      lords from a glass cubicle:
                           STAN LEE
                 Coming onto the stage, give it up for...
                 Chastity!
                                                                   87.
                Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


52 INT. `NO. 5 ORANGE' STRIP CLUB - NIGHT 52

                         WEASEL
               Or as I like to call her, Irony!
    DEADPOOL navigates through a TIGHTLY-PACKED CROWD toward the
    MAIN STAGE, accompanied by WEASEL.
                         DEADPOOL
               We gotta find her fast.    Before fuck-ass.
                         WEASEL
               How do you even know she's here?
                         DEADPOOL
               I come for the French Onion Soup. How do
               you think? I'm constantly stalking that
               fox.
    Deadpool STOPS in his tracks, STARING.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               Every time I see her is like the first
               time.
    REVERSE ANGLE to reveal what Deadpool is looking at: the
    gorgeous backside of a COCKTAIL WAITRESS in a skimpy dress.
    Back to Deadpool:
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               Even from this angle. Especially from
               this angle.
    Hypnotized, Deadpool puts one foot in front of the other,
    approaching the waitress.
    Suddenly, the WAITRESS TURNS to reveal her face:       VANESSA.
    Deadpool immediately CHICKENS OUT, puts his head down, turns
    away from her into the press of MEN around one of the stages.
    Vanessa catches the vaguest glimpse, but before she can get a
    better look, Deadpool is swallowed up by the crowd.
    She gets that warm shiver again... the one that says she's
    feeling an old presence.
    She stares after Deadpool.    It couldn't possibly be.
    Deadpool pushes past the men, almost in a panic, beating a
    HASTY RETREAT toward WEASEL at the back of the room.



                                                              (CONTINUED)
                                                                     88.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

52 CONTINUED: 52

                           DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                 Shittiest moment numero tres.
    Deadpool walks past Weasel, fleeing into the men's room...

53 INT. MEN'S REST ROOM - CONTINUOUS 53

    ...and SPLASH!     Washes his face at the SINK.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Lezzdothis. Before I re-reconsider.
                 Maximum effort.
    A hand comes into frame offering a paper towel. It belongs
    to a WASHROOM ATTENDANT in a tuxedo vest. Deadpool uses the
    towel to wipe his face and finishes with the attendant's
    sleeve.
                           DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 Sorry.
                     (tries to dry attendant's
                      sleeve with paper towel)
                 I get very uncomfortable around you guys.
                     (takes mint off counter,
                      then condom off counter,
                      then sees tip jar)
                 Crisp high five?

54 INT. `NO. 5 ORANGE' STRIP CLUB - NIGHT 54

    VANESSA sets down a tray of empty glasses.        Her scum-bag of a
    MANAGER gives her a heads-up:
                           MANAGER
                 Someone out back asking for you. Said
                 somethin' about an old boyfriend?

55 EXT. `NO. 5 ORANGE' STRIP CLUB - ALLEY - NIGHT 55

    VANESSA exits the club into an ALLEY, one of Wade's old
    jackets thrown over her shoulders. One sickly street lamp
    casts some light. The rest is obscured in SHADOW. Vanessa
    spies the shape of a MAN hiding in the shadows.
                           VANESSA
                 I knew it was you.
    Vanessa is seized by memories.      She peers into the dark,
    heart pounding.
                           VANESSA (CONT'D)
                 With the weird, curvy edges.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                     89.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

55 CONTINUED: 55

    Then steps forward slowly, nervously.        Overcome with emotion.
                           VANESSA (CONT'D)
                     (barely audible)
                 Like a jigsaw puzzle.
    No one answers.     Vanessa gets a bad feeling and starts to
    back up.
    The man steps confidently into the light.        Not WADE...
    ...but AJAX. Vanessa spins around and runs straight into
    Angel Dust, who step out of the shadows.
    Vanessa make a grab for her purse, contents spilling out onto
    the grimy street, but her hand comes up with a TASER. She
    jams it into the flesh of Angel Dusts shoulder.
    Angel Dust just smiles as electricity arcs and sizzles.           Then
    she grabs Vanessa's hand and twists it away.
    Vanessa THRASHES like a polecat. But Angel Dust is brutally
    strong. She clamps her hand around Vanessa's jaw and
    SQUEEZES, dangling her in the air by her FACE.
                           AJAX
                 You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
    Vanessa's eyes widen in shock and surprise.
                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 `The good Lord sends the fishing...
    Vanessa screams mutely into Angel Dust's palm.
                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 ...but you must dig the bait.'

56 INT. `NO. 5 ORANGE' STRIP CLUB - HALLWAY - NIGHT 56

    WADE pushes through the crowd to find WEASEL sitting in GYNO
    ROW at the edge of the stage. He's in the middle of slipping
    a bill into a dancer's garter.
                           WEASEL
                 Manager said she went that way.
                     (thumbs towards the back)
                 Good luck, Tiger!
    DEADPOOL moves quickly down a HALL, turns a corner, and
    REACHES for the knob of the door to the alley. His eyes
    WIDEN as he remembers something IMPORTANT.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                       90.
                    Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

56 CONTINUED: 56

      Deadpool reaches back and pulls up his hood to hide his
      scarred FACE.
      Deadpool girds himself, then OPENS the door to spy...

57 EXT. `NO. 5 ORANGE' STRIP CLUB - ALLEY - NIGHT 57

      ...the empty alley. Deadpool spies a woman's CLUTCH lying
      alone in a pool of light, contents strewn about. He reaches
      down and picks up...
      ...his old BERNADETTE PETERS CHANGE PURSE.
                             DEADPOOL
                   Mother-fucker best be wearing his brown
                   pants.

58 INT. SCRAPYARD / ELEVATOR - PRE-DAWN 58

      AJAX and Angel Dust stand at either side of a bound and
      gagged VANESSA. They are inside the metal cage of an
      INDUSTRIAL ELEVATOR, going UP.
                             DEADPOOL (V.O.)
                   And... numero dos.
      A bare bulb casts harsh light as they rise past a dark mass
      of twisted metal. Ajax looks almost bored, hums to himself
      tunelessly.

V59 EXT. FLIGHT DECK - DAY V59

      AJAX explains his plan to VANESSA:
                             AJAX
                   That's what I thought, but he keeps on
                   coming back. Like a Bad Jesus. But
                   despite all Wade's powers, I still hold
                   the advantage: He feels. Too strongly
                   for his own good. Let's see how he
                   fights with your head on the block.

VA60 EXT. X-MANSION - DAY VA60

      A sign reads `PROFESSOR XAVIER'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED
      YOUNGSTERS.'
      The sign is on the perfectly manicured front lawn of the
      gorgeous Gothic X-MANSION.
      Who is standing outside the front door of the mansion but
      DEADPOOL, in full regalia. Deadpool raises his knuckles to
      KNOCK, but is suddenly STARTLED...


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                   91.
                    Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

VA60 CONTINUED: VA60

      ...by the door SWINGING OPEN to reveal an annoyed NEGASONIC
      TEENAGE WARHEAD. She's wearing BEATS HEADPHONES.
                             DEADPOOL
                   Ripley from `Alien 3'!
                               NTW
                   Deadfool.
                             DEADPOOL
                   It's like you knew I was about to knock!
                       (shivers, `creepy')
                   Is that big steel dildo home?
                             NTW
                   You guys going for a bite?      Early bird
                   special?
                             DEADPOOL
                   Like there's something wrong with eating
                   before sundown. Or saving money. But
                   no. It's about me saving my girl from a
                   bad guy, the one you two helped me lose.
                   You do fight bad guys?
                       (off NTW's stare)
                   No time for hard stares, are you gonna
                   fetch big-shiny-balls or not? Tell him I
                   have an offer he can't refuse!
      NTW turns, disappears into the house.
                               NTW
                   Colossus!
      From off camera, we hear loudly, excitedly, from the second
      floor:
                             COLOSSUS (O.S.)
                   Is that you, Wade?! I knew you'd see
                   error of ways!
                             DEADPOOL
                   Yep, that's me, seeing the error of my
                   ways! I just need an itty bitty favor in
                   return!
                       (turns to camera, whispers)
                   Fool him five times? Shame on him.
                                                                     92.
                Deadpool    Final Shooting Script    11/16/15


60 INT. DEADPOOL'S LAIR - DAWN 60

    WEASEL and DEADPOOL are going through IKEA drawers, pulling
    out every GUN and GRENADE on God's green earth and stuffing
    them into a couple of Deadpool's `I *HEART* HELLO KITTY'
    DUFFEL BAGS.
    This is Deadpool's ARSENAL, big enough for a small army.           In
    go the twin DESERT EAGLES. Then Weasel dumps an entire
    ARMFUL of AMMO BOXES into the duffel.
                         WEASEL
               That's about... three thousand shells.
    A BEAT.   Deadpool LOOKS AT CAMERA menacingly:
                         DEADPOOL
               And we've all seen what I can do with
               twelve.
    BLIND AL enters, holding a STEYR AUG RIFLE.
                         BLIND AL
               I was gonna spend tonight assembling the
               Borgsjo, but this is holding my interest.
    Both Deadpool and Weasel duck, afraid she might shoot them.
                         DEADPOOL
               Careful, Ronnie Milsap, we're down-range!
               And we decided on the Orrberg, not the
               Borgsjo.
                           BLIND AL
               Shit.
                           WEASEL
               She cool?
                         DEADPOOL
               The coolest. Plus, she could never pick
               you out of a line-up.
    BEEP-BEEP. DEADPOOL looks at his phone.         The screen says,
    "Vanessa's Phone"
                         DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
               It's Francis. He wants me to come to
               him. And he calls me a piece of-
                   (squints, can't read)



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                      93.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

60 CONTINUED: 60

                           WEASEL
                     (points)
                 That's the shit emoji. A turd with a
                 smile, see? How did Google ever approve
                 that?
    Blind Al grabs a Nerf N-Strike Elite Strong-arm Blaster from
    a drawer (it feels like a gun!) and goes to put it in the
    duffel. Deadpool almost stops her, then shrugs - maybe it
    will come in useful...
                           BLIND AL
                 That's every piece in the house.
                             DEADPOOL
                 Uh-uh-uh.
    Blind Al sighs - busted - she puts her leg up on a chair and
    pulls a tiny Saturday Night Special from an ankle holster...
    and is about to hand it over when instead, she turns, and...
    ...BOOM... shoots the ROOMBA, laying waste to it.
                            BLIND AL
                 It was him or me.
                     (beat)
                 I did hit it, right?
                           DEADPOOL
                 Please. It's been years since you've hit
                 anything. See what I did there?
                             BLIND AL
                 Fuck you.
    Deadpool takes the tiny gun and shoves it in the small of his
    back. Then follows Weasel out the door. Then quickly turns
    back.
                           DEADPOOL
                     (to Al)
                 In case I never see you again, I love you
                 very much... and there's a hundred-ten
                 million dollars buried somewhere in the
                 apartment. Good luck. Watch your face.
    Deadpool slams the door behind him.

61 INT./EXT. TAXI - MORNING 61

    A TAXI drives across the city, its BACK BUMPER scraping the
    ground, throwing off SPARKS.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                      94.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script    11/16/15

61 CONTINUED: 61

    In the PASSENGER seat: DEADPOOL, his DUFFEL at his feet.
    Behind the wheel: DOPINDER.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Any luck winning Gita back?
                           DOPINDER
                 I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool. But
                 Bandhu is more craftier - and handsomer -
                 than me.
                           DEADPOOL
                     (shrugs)
                 It's all relative.
    Deadpool quickly LIFTS his MASK, revealing his SCARS to
    Dopinder.
    STARTLED, Dopinder FLINCHES and SIDESWIPES a PARKED CAR.
                           COLOSSUS (O.S.)
                 Stop the car. I must leave a note.
    Cut to the BACK SEAT to find COLOSSUS CRAMMED in, KNEES to
    CHEST. He's drinking a CAPPUCCINO in a Dunkin' Donuts cup.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Oh, please. I'll bet the halls of your
                 high school were very well monitored.
                           DOPINDER
                 I cannot be stopping.
                           NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD (O.S.)
                 Wait, I'm getting a premonition.
    To Colossus's left is NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD. She's
    holding two fingers to her temple again, a la Professor X.
    Then nods toward Dopinder.
                           NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD (CONT'D)
                 He's uninsured.
                           DOPINDER
                 She indeed has ESPN!    I am quite
                 uninsuranced.
                           DEADPOOL
                 You mean ESP. But come on!      I coulda-
                           NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD
                 -called that yourself?


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                      95.
                Deadpool      Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

61 CONTINUED: (2) 61

                             DEADPOOL
               Gaaaahhhh!
    Deadpool literally BOUNCES in frustration.
                         DOPINDER
               Who brought this twinkly man?
                         DEADPOOL
               Twinkly, but deadly. My big Russki
               friend doesn't like the idea of a whole
               new army of mutant mutton-heads. And I
               told him if he did me this solid, I'd
               consider joining his boy band.
                         COLOSSUS
               It's not a boy band.
                         DEADPOOL
               Sure it's not.
    The cab drives over a SMALL DIP and BOTTOMS OUT.         CLANG.
    BANG. A muffled yelp comes from the TRUNK:
                             VOICE (O.S.)
               Ow!   Help.     Me.
    BEAT.   Dopinder reaches to turn up the RADIO.
                          DEADPOOL
               Uh.   Dopinder. What was that?
                             DOPINDER
               Oh, that?      That was Bandhu.
                             COLOSSUS
               Bandwho?
                         DOPINDER
               My romantic rival, Bandhu. He's tied up
               in the trunk. I'm doing as you said,
               D.P. I plan to gut him like a tandoori
               fish. Then dump his lifeless corpse on
               Gita's doorstep like a cat with a dead
               bird. Mom and Dad will be over the moon.
    Deadpool looks back at Colossus and shrugs.
                         DEADPOOL
               Something must've gotten lost in the
               translation.
                   (gives surreptitious thumbs
                    up to Dopinder)
                         (MORE)
                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                       96.
                Deadpool     Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

61 CONTINUED: (3) 61

                         DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
               Seriously. This is no way to win Gita's
               heart. Return Bandhu home safe and
               gentle-like. And then woo Gita with your
               boyish charm...
                         DOPINDER
               Fine, fine. Safe and gentle-like.          Here
               we are...
    Dopinder pulls over and hits the meter.          Then sighs.
                          DOPINDER (CONT'D)
               I too am clairvoyance. I presume a crisp
               high five?
                           DEADPOOL
               For you?    Ten.
                         DOPINDER
               Knock em dead, Pool Boy.
    Deadpool and Dopinder SLAP BOTH HANDS.
                         DEADPOOL
               Time to make the chimichangas.

62 EXT. SCRAPYARD - DAY 62

    We hear the first bold notes of DMX's `X GON GIVE IT TO YA.'
    DEADPOOL, COLOSSUS, and NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD walk in SLO-
    MO across the scrapyard toward the COMBAT CARRIER.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               Not often a dude ruins your face.
               Destroys your living. Grabs your future
               baby mama. Personally sees to 8 of your
               10 shittiest life moments. And plans to
               lather-rinse-repeat on a buncha new
               chumps. Let's just say, it's beginning
               to look a lot like Christmas...
    This is as cool as Deadpool has ever looked. Muscles
    sprouting muscles. Katanas gleaming. Then, at the height of
    his coolness, Deadpool STOPS, sensing something amiss.
    DMX cuts out. REGULAR SPEED RESUMES as Deadpool looks down
    to spy his FLY DOWN. He ZIPS it UP, embarrassed.
                         DEADPOOL
                   (to camera)
               It happens. A'ight, cue up DMX again.


                                                                  (CONTINUED)
                                                                      97.
                  Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

62 CONTINUED: 62

                            NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD
                 Wait!   Where's your duffel bag?
                            DEADPOOL
                     (freezes, it's missing)
                 Gahhhhhhh!
                     (pulls out a phone, dials)

63 INT. TAXI CAB - DAY 63

    DOPINDER drives, head bobbing to a Bhangra Beat, HELLO KITTY
    DUFFEL still sitting in the passenger WHEEL WELL.
    On cue, Dopinder's CELL PHONE RINGS. Dopinder reaches for
    it, then fumbles it away. The phone falls to the floorboard.
    Dopinder looks ahead, sees the approaching traffic light is
    green, ducks down to make a grab, but when he returns his
    eyes to the road, the light is now red.
    Dopinder slams on his brakes. SCREECH! He manages to avoid
    the car in front. BAM! The taxi is REAR-ENDED, its TRUNK
    SMASHED like an accordion. We hear a HOLLER from inside.
                             DOPINDER
                 Bandhu?

64 EXT. SCRAPYARD - DAY 64

                           DEADPOOL
                     (hears crash)
                 Goddamnit! Never mind. Nothing that
                 can't be fixed by two swords and...
                     (cracks neck)
                 ...maximum effort.
                     (points to imaginary D.J.)
                 Gimme a beat!
    DMX KICKS IN AGAIN.      Deadpool strides forward in SLO-MO.
    As they near the carrier a dozen armed and armored MERCS
    suddenly rise from behind the piles of scrap metal before
    them. Assault weapons raised, ready to fire.
    The trio stops, Colossus stepping in front of NTW, sheltering
    her behind his armored body.
                           ANGEL DUST (O.S.)
                 No one fires!
    Our heroes crane their necks to spy ANGEL DUST standing on
    the edge of the deck above.


                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                     98.
                  Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

64 CONTINUED: 64

                           ANGEL DUST (CONT'D)
                 They're mine.
    Angel Dust LEAPS outward, falls like a stone, HITS the ground
    with a THUNDEROUS impact. The dust clears. She strides over
    the broken ground, smiling, READY for a scrap.
                            DEADPOOL
                 Long term, that's hard on your knees.
                     (ALT:)
                 Super-hero landing! Clearly you're far
                 too much dude for me. Which is why...
                     (points)
                 ...I brought him.
    COLOSSUS steps forward into Angel Dust's path holding a pair
    of Adamantium HANDCUFFS just like he used on Deadpool.
                           COLOSSUS
                 I'd prefer not to hit a woman. So
                 please place your hands behind your-
    BOOM! Without stopping Angel Dust throws a RIGHT HOOK from
    her HEELS. The punch CONNECTS with COLOSSUS's JAW. He goes
    flying, SCRAPING SPARKS ACROSS CONCRETE.
                           DEADPOOL
                     (sighs, points)
                 I also brought her.
    NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD steps forward on Deadpool's right.
    NTW chews her gum. Once. Twice. Then runs TOWARD Angel
    Dust, LOWERS her SHOULDER, and EXPLODES UP toward her with a
    WICKEDLY THUNDEROUS BANG of ENERGY and SOUND.
    Yes, Negasonic Teenage Warhead is exactly that - a living,
    breathing WARHEAD - like her own personal CANNONBALL.
    It's Angel Dust's turn to go flying backward, smashing into -
    and completely trashing - a heavy metal shipping container.
                           DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 I feel sorry for the guy who tries to
                 pressure her into prom sex.
    Angel Dust regains her feet, smiles dangerously at the Mercs.
                           ANGEL DUST
                 Never mind. Fire.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    99.
                Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

64 CONTINUED: (2) 64

    Deadpool is already moving as the Mercs OPEN FIRE, full-auto.
    Deadpool grabs the still-woozy NTW and runs to the nearby
    cover of metal scrap, keeping between her and the gunfire.
    Colossus, now back on his feet, strides purposely forward.
    Bullets ping harmlessly off his metal skin. Angel Dust
    charges forward, snarling.
                         DEADPOOL
                   (shouts)
               Finish fucking her the fuck up.
    Colossus stops, annoyed.
                           COLOSSUS
               Language.    Please.
    Then Angel Dust SMASHES into him. The two collide with earth-
    shaking force. The sheer power of Angel Dust's momentum
    slams them backwards into-and through-a huge pile of scrap.

65 INT. FLIGHT DECK - DAY 65

    AJAX pulls VANESSA forward to the edge of the carrier deck,
    forces her gaze downward toward the WAR ZONE below.
                         AJAX
               How does it feel? Ex-boyfriend abandons
               you, becomes a sanity-challenged killer
               mutant in tights...
                         VANESSA
               Says the sanity-challenged killer mutant
               in parachute pants. P.S. I've never
               played the role of damsel in distress.
                           AJAX
               `Til now.
    Ajax yanks Vanessa away from the edge again.

66 EXT. SCRAPYARD - CONTINUOUS 66

    Every MERC is pouring fire towards Deadpool's position. He
    hunkers down with NTW, her hands clamped tight over her ears.
    Deadpool unzips a zipper, reaches into his suit at the
    crotch, YANKS. Grimaces. We hear fabric tear. He pulls his
    hand out, waves a pair of torn TIGHTIE-WHITIES up from behind
    cover.



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                     100.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

66 CONTINUED: 66

                           DEADPOOL
                 Hey, fellas, whoa! Hold on!        Don'tcha
                 wanna hear my terms?!
    The mercs spot the white `flag.' Fire slackens from full-
    auto to a few pot-shots. Finally, Deadpool pops up.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 You guys only work for that shit-spackled
                 Muppet fart! So I'm gonna give y'all the
                 chance to lay down your firearms in
                 return for preferential - bordering on
                 gentle - possibly even lover-like
                 treatment.
    The Mercs ignore him, opening fire AGAIN with a vengeance.
    Deadpool ducks and drops his tightie-whities.
                           DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 Fine. Commando.
                     (to NTW)
                 Stay down, kid. Unless your power's
                 stopping bullets.
    Deadpool SURGES forward, dives from cover, rolls.            He comes
    up boot knife out, arm whipping forward-
    The nearest merc's head snaps back as the knife buries itself
    to the hilt in his eye socket.
    Deadpool sprints forward, zig-zagging, leaping, spinning as
    he closes the distance to the mercs. He's moving too fast
    for their guns to track. Bullets chew up the ground behind.
    Deadpool reaches the first pile of twisted metal, slides
    under, comes up behind two mercs taking shelter there. The
    first man turns, gun barrel swinging `round. Deadpool ducks,
    sweeps his legs, grabs his gun as he goes down.
    Deadpool rolls over him, firing BACKWARD into the man's face
    while spinning up to smash his boot into the face of the
    second merc. He slides past, firing a burst backward into
    the merc's neck as he falls.
    Seconds later he's leaping OVER the heads of the next pair of
    mercs. They turn to fire up at him - too slow. He fires
    short, controlled bursts down into their upturned faces.
    BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
    Deadpool lands, tosses the empty smoking gun.          Then slowly,
    lovingly, unsheathes his Katanas.



                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                    101.
               Deadpool      Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

66 CONTINUED: (2) 66

    Deadpool is running forward now, weaving his way through the
    wreckage. Hunting.

67 EXT. SCRAPYARD - DAY 67

    COLOSSUS and ANGEL DUST engage in a BATTLE ROYALE. Colossus
    grabs Angel Dust by the SCRUFF of her NECK and HURLS her into
    an ABANDONED AIRCRAFT. CRUNCH.
    Angel Dust is on one knee, shaken, disheveled, one BREAST
    hanging out of her torn flak jacket.
    The prim Colossus covers his eyes.
                         COLOSSUS
               Uh... you seem to have, um...
    Angel Dust smiles, tucks the wayward boob back in, then
    BLASTS Colossus with a FLYING KNEE that generates SHOCK WAVES
    so powerful, Colossus' CHROME actually RIPPLES.
    Colossus growls and CHARGES AGAIN.
                                                                 CUT TO:
    DEADPOOL spins around a corner as another pair of MERCS move
    forward, guns raised.
    Deadpool dives under their fire, guts them in blurred flash
    of steel. THRUST! SLICE! IMPALE! COMPLETE MAYHEM.
    Another trio of mercs rush around the corner, opening fire as
    they see their comrades fall. DEADPOOL runs toward them,
    flips and dodges like a whirling dervish, bringing GUARDS
    down in surgical, artistic fashion, as if where he's killing
    them means as much to him as how.
    Two men converge    on Deadpool. He JUMPS. Mid-air, he flips
    his TWO KATANAS,    GRIPS them upside-down like ICE PICKS, and
    STABS down in an    arc to either side, SKEWERING two men
    through the TOPS    of their HELMETS.
    A final merc comes around the corner and Deadpool spins,
    slices the strap of his gun, kicks the man in the chest,
    knocking him flat on his back and sitting on his face.
                         DEADPOOL
               Tea-bag!
                   (notices man under him)
               Bob?!
                           BOB
               Wade?!


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                    102.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

67 CONTINUED: 67

                           DEADPOOL
                 It's been since... Jacksonville!
                           BOB
                 TGIFridays.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Liked the Loaded Potato Skins.     Didn't
                 like you.
                            BOB
                 Ditto.
    Deadpool rises and pulls Bob to his feet. Bob tries to draw
    a pistol but DP slaps it out of his hand, sends it skittering
    away.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Bob, y'mind taking a half-step right?
                 No, your right. Never mind-
    Deadpool KNOCKS Bob OUT with the sword's GRIP, then NUDGES
    him sideways gently as he falls.
    At last, SILENCE. Deadpool steps forward.           Then looks up
    toward the carrier above, waves.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 Yoo-hoo!
    From above, AJAX peers down sees that Deadpool has killed his
    henchmen in such precise positions that their fallen bodies
    spell out:
    FRANCIS.
    Deadpool moves forward.       LIMPING.   CHARRED.   TATTERED.   But
    unbowed.
                           AJAX
                 That never gets old.    But neither will
                 you.
    Right on cue...
    ...three more Mercs appear to either side of Ajax, armed with
    HEAVY MACHINE GUNS - much NASTIER than any we've yet seen.
    BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM! The guards OPEN FIRE, and a BARRAGE of
    bullets rain down on the scrapyard, chewing up the landscape
    around Deadpool.



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                  103.
              Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

67 CONTINUED: (2) 67

    Deadpool SPRINTS back toward cover, weaving, leaping, zig-
    zagging to avoid being hit. He dives behind some wreckage as
    more gunfire pings off the metal.
    DEADPOOL, pokes his head up, drawing a withering barrage of
    fire from the mercs above.
                          NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD (O.S.)
              Hey!
    ANGLE ON: NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD, also taking cover,
    crouched under a broken PLANE WING.
                          NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD (CONT'D)
              Climb on.
    Deadpool nods, then sprints toward her, springs high, flips,
    and lands on his back, spread eagled on the wing.
                        DEADPOOL
              Light the candle...
    NTW nonchalantly SPITS out her GUM, crouches, and... EXPLODES
    UPWARD. The wing LAUNCHES up in a shallow PARABOLA, Deadpool
    CLINGING for dear life on TOP.

68 EXT. FLIGHT DECK - CONTINUOUS 68

    Four MERCS continue firing down as the wing soars up.
    The WING SMASHES into them.    All four go FLYING.       Two end up
    DEAD under the wing.
    AJAX is thrown backward.
    One MERC lands, stunned, close to the edge.     A LONG BEAT.
    AJAX rises to his feet.
    Then DEADPOOL pulls himself UP over the edge of the carrier
    and ROLLS onto the deck. He looks like he's been through a
    meat grinder - limping, scorched, bloody.
    Deadpool staggers to his feet.    The last injured MERC lamely
    tries to GRAB his ANKLE.
                        DEADPOOL
              Your plan to trip me to death?      Has
              failed.
    Deadpool nonchalantly STABS him through the back of the neck
    like a butterfly on a display, then turns to face Ajax.


                                                             (CONTINUED)
                                                                     104.
                 Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

68 CONTINUED: 68

    Twenty meters away, AJAX leans casually against... what else?
    THE PUNCH-BOWL. VANESSA is STRAPPED inside, lid open.
                           DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 You were right, babe.
                     (wipes blood off sword)
                 Red is my color.
                             VANESSA
                 Wade?
                           AJAX
                     (taps glass)
                 What better way to climb back in your
                 head...
                           DEADPOOL
                 You never left.
                           VANESSA
                     (to Deadpool)
                 But you did, asshole.
                           AJAX
                 You two have a lot to work out. Take a
                 deep breath. Wait. Wrong choice...
    Ajax quickly CLOSES the LID and hits a SWITCH.         Vanessa
    starts taking short, desperate GASPS.
                           AJAX (CONT'D)
                 ...of words.
                           DEADPOOL
                 I hope they blocked pain to your every
                 last nerve. `Cause I'm'a go looking.
    Ajax squats down and picks up TWO STEEL-HAFTED FIRE-FIGHTING
    AXES, each with an ULTRA-SHARP BLADE on one side of its head
    and an EQUALLY SHARP CLAW on the other.
    Deadpool raises a KATANA and HURLS it NOT at Ajax, but the
    PUNCH-BOWL. The blade PENETRATES the PLEXI and tears into
    the RESTRAINT holding Vanessa's RIGHT WRIST, partly FRAYING
    it. AIR seeps through the CRACK. Vanessa catches a tiny
    BREATH. She TUGS on the frayed RESTRAINT.
                           AJAX
                 I hear you grow back parts. When I get
                 done... parts will have to grow back you.
                             DEADPOOL
                 Good one.


                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                 105.
               Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

68 CONTINUED: (2) 68

    A big BOOMING sound from below and then the deck of the
    carrier shakes as if from a mild earthquake. Ajax and
    Deadpool look at each other. Shrug.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
               Let's dance.
                   (beat)
               And by dance I mean try to kill each
               other.

69 EXT. SCRAPYARD - CONTINUOUS 69

    BAM!   Below, COLOSSUS delivers a HAYMAKER from hell itself.
    Angel Dust FALLS, then RISES, RIPS OFF the WING of a PLANE,
    and BLASTS Colossus with it... first like a BASEBALL BAT,
    then like a GOLF CLUB, then like a COUNTY FAIR MALLETS you
    use to try to ring a bell. CLANG!
    A battered NTW RACES toward Angel Dust. Angel Dust swings
    the wing, but NTW BASEBALL SLIDES UNDER it and EXPLODES up
    into her chin.
    Angel Dust is lifted off her feet into the side of the
    carrier, BUCKLING some of its supports. NTW rolls aside.

70 EXT. FLIGHT DECK - CONTINUOUS 70

    And now, we get what we've been long been waiting for:
    THE FINAL CLOSE QUARTERS BATTLE between DEADPOOL AND AJAX.
    AXES vs. KATANA, TEN STORIES UP...
    AJAX TAKES a MIGHTY, ROARING SWING with an AXE.
                          DEADPOOL
               Yowww!
    STEEL SINGS as AXE and KATANA meet again and again.        THRUSTS.
    PARRIES. SPARKS FLY!
    THUNK! Deadpool's BLADE passes through Ajax's THIGH and pins
    him to a piece of wreckage.
    CRACK!   Ajax tags Deadpool's head with the FLAT of an axe.
    SNAP! Ajax BREAKS the sword's blade with an AXE, not feeling
    anything as he slides his leg off the sword.
    GASP! VANESSA grits her teeth, pulls against the restraints.
    The thick nylon begins to tear as she saws it against the
    katana blade.


                                                             (CONTINUED)
                                                                   106.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

70 CONTINUED: 70

    CLANG! AJAX wields both axes in a red blur of painted steel.
    Deadpool snatches up a piece of rusted RAILING from the deck,
    barely blocks Ajax's windmilling swings.
    Finally, Ajax smashes the length of rusty metal from
    Deadpool's hands with one axe, while the sharp CLAW END of
    the other buries itself in Deadpool's FOREARM. Deadpool
    hollers.
    Deadpool's red suit has torn away, and the SKULL of his
    TATTOO bleeds from a HOLE in its FOREHEAD.
    Deadpool GRITS his TEETH and YANKS the AXE from Ajax's grasp.
    A spinning KICK sends the second axe flying after the first.
    Now they're completely unarmed.
                            AJAX
                 Fine.   Fists.
                           DEADPOOL
                 Sounds like your last Saturday night.
                     (smiles)
                 The sense of humor survived.
    AJAX and DEADPOOL TRADE VICIOUS PUNCHES.        It's HAGLER vs.
    HEARNS! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
    Inspired, VANESSA strains against the torn nylon. RRRRIPPP!
    Her right wrist TEARS FREE. She uses her freed hand to start
    unlatching her other restraints.
    DEADPOOL throws short, blinding PUNCHES - rat-a-tat-tat -
    into AJAX's jaw.
                           DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 Since you can't feel it?
                     (holds up an INCISOR)
                 I just knocked out your tooth.
    AJAX snarls, drives a SHOULDER into Deadpool, then MOUNTS him
    and BLUDGEONS his face with HAMMER-LIKE FISTS.
    DEADPOOL is starting to LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS when he turns his
    head to one side and spies the PUNCH-BOWL.
    We RACK FOCUS to VANESSA locking eyes with him from inside.
    Hers is an inspired... and INSPIRING look of LOVE.
    We hear a REPRISE of JOHN DENVER's `I WANT TO LIVE.'



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                    107.
               Deadpool      Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

70 CONTINUED: (2) 70

    VANESSA pushes against the sealed door of the punchbowl with
    all her might. With a squeal of metal the latch breaks, the
    twisted metal flying off the lid as it slams open.
    Vanessa grabs the KATANA, jerks it free with another mighty
    effort. Then slides down the containers toward AJAX. With a
    fierce scream, she PLUNGES the blade into his KIDNEY. The
    blade punches through the other side but Ajax feels no pain,
    YANKS out the katana, and THROWS Vanessa aside violently.
    But it's all the opportunity Deadpool needs. He SURGES with
    energy and throws an THUNDEROUS UPPERCUT, BLASTING Ajax off.
                         JOHN DENVER
               I want to liiiiiive!

71 EXT. SCRAPYARD - DAY 71

    Below: WHOOSH, BAM! Angel Dust ducks an exhausted
    Colossus's punch and KICKS him THROUGH another STEEL SUPPORT.
    Colossus COLLAPSES. The carrier GROANS.
    Angel Dust moves in for the KILL.        Only out of nowhere...
    ...NTW strikes her in the chops and EXPLODES, sending the
    larger woman SMASHING into concrete with UNPRECEDENTED FORCE.
    Now it's Angel Dust's turn to be broken, smoking, seemingly
    down for the count. NTW approaches carefully to make certain
    it's all over...
    ...but Angel Dust shoots out an arm and GRABS her... DRAGS
    her in CLOSE... makes to SMASH her head like a walnut.
                         ANGEL DUST
               C'mere, ya little bitch.
    NTW fights back valiantly, PUNCHING fast and hard with
    FLURRIES of ENERGY. Angel Dust is scorched and battered by
    the blows, but her adrenaline and rage SURGE. She grabs NTW
    around the neck, plants her into the ground...
    ...and begins to CHOKE the life out of her.        NTW flails,
    cannot break Angel Dust's grip...
    ...but marshals her last remaining energy to live up to her
    name...
    ...and EXPLODE like an ALMIGHTY WARHEAD.         BOOM!
    CUT WIDE to a GARGANTUAN EXPLOSION.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                   108.
                 Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

71 CONTINUED: 71

    The ship SHAKES VIOLENTLY, then starts to LIST at a DANGEROUS
    ANGLE.

72 EXT. FLIGHT DECK / CONTINUOUS 72

    DEADPOOL and AJAX are trading BLOWS again when the DECK SWAYS
    as if hit by a 9.0 EARTHQUAKE. Then with a thunderous,
    shuddering, groaning of metal the whole carrier begins to
    tilt.
    Loose wreckage begins to slide and tumble past. A shipping
    container barrels towards them and Deadpool kicks Ajax
    backwards, right into its path. SLAM! It plows into him and
    carries him with it as it disappears over the side.
    Deadpool scrambles and claws up the tilting floor and grabs
    hold of Vanessa.
    Deadpool looks around frantically...
    ...and then spies the PUNCH-BOWL, sliding toward them.
    Deadpool grabs the side as it slides past and throws VANESSA
    inside and SHUTS the LID for protection...
    They slam into the twisted metal railings at the bottom of
    the deck and hang there. Deadpool swings by one hand and
    stares at the scrapyard below. Huge chunks of metal slide
    and smash past to tumble to the ground a hundred feet below.
    Vanessa hangs onto Deadpool for dear life, her eyes locked on
    his...
                           VANESSA
                 If we survive this.   I'm gonna kill you.
                           DEADPOOL
                 We have so much to catch up on.
    ...as the CARRIER topples in an AVALANCHE of STEEL!
    An EPIC collapse of SHRIEKING METAL. Flying glass. Nearly
    seismic booms. A mushroom CLOUD of thick, black destruction.
                                                      FADE TO BLACK.

73 EXT. SCRAPYARD - RUBBLE PILE - DAY 73

    Black. A crack of light appears, dust sifting down through
    the beam.



                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                     109.
                 Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

73 CONTINUED: 73

    More light, more dust and debris pattering down onto-some
    kind of scratched glass in front of the lens. Finally a hole
    of bright sky fills the frame.
                                                                  CUT TO:
    COLOSSUS vigorously TOSSING aside MASSIVE SLABS of STEEL as
    he digs through the wreckage, uncovering the PUNCH-BOWL,
    damaged, but intact. The LID CREAKS OPEN - pushed by
    Vanessa's TREMBLING HAND.
    Vanessa climbs out dazed, dusty, coughing.
                              COLOSSUS
                 You're OK.     Take it slow.
    Elsewhere in the rubble pile DEADPOOL's HEAD POPS UP from
    some DEBRIS, again, like the Caddyshack gopher.
                              DEADPOOL
                 I'm good.
    Deadpool is just staggering to his feet when AJAX emerges
    from under another BEAM and TACKLES him.
                           DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 ¡Caramba!
                     (subtitled, in YELLOW:)
                 For heaven's sake!
    The impact sends them both flying, rolling, over the edge of
    a metal container. They fall locked together, punching and
    grappling. They bounce/slide down the pile of rubble.
    Deadpool gets the better of the grappling and lands on AJAX's
    CHEST. He goes to TOWN with vicious FOREARMS and ELBOWS.
                            DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                 Wham!   Wham! Wham!
    BAM! BAM! BAM. Bam. You can feel Deadpool's adrenalized
    catharsis. Ajax tries to block-CRACK! Deadpool shatters his
    elbow. Ajax other fist swings round, tags Deadpool, but he
    catches it, wraps it tight-SNAP!
    Ajax finally goes limp, both arms bent in horribly wrong
    directions.
                           DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                     (thrilled/exhausted)
                 There are no words.



                                                                 (CONTINUED)
                                                                    110.
              Deadpool       Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

73 CONTINUED: (2) 73

    Deadpool pulls out BLIND AL's SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL and AIMS
    it right BETWEEN AJAX's EYES.
                         DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              Me and you are headed to fix this face.
              Or else...
    Deadpool places a piece of paper onto Ajax's chest.
    Ajax shakes off the cobwebs and examines the paper; it's
    Deadpool's CRAYON DRAWING of Ajax getting his brains blown
    out. Ajax actually LAUGHS.
                        AJAX
              Sorry. It's just. All this time, you
              bought that I have the cure? I'm
              flattered. But do I really look like the
              scientist type? You want the guy behind
              the guy. His name's Dr. Killebrew. And
              he's long gone. Who knows where.
                             DEADPOOL
              Um.    What?
                        AJAX
              You heard me.
                        DEADPOOL
              You mean to say, after five long years,
              I've been chasing the wrong monkey?
                        AJAX
              Sounds even stupider when you say it.
                         DEADPOOL
              Like the kind of stupid who admits he
              can't do the one thing I'm keeping him
              alive for?
                  (chambers a round)
              Any last words? Good. I got one:
                  (pulls back the hammer)
              Francis.
                             COLOSSUS (O.S.)
              Wade!
    Deadpool turns to see Colossus, hands on hips, looking extra
    HEROIC. NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD is STANDING at his SIDE.
                        COLOSSUS (CONT'D)
              Four or five moments.



                                                                (CONTINUED)
                                                                   111.
               Deadpool     Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

73 CONTINUED: (3) 73

                            DEADPOOL
               I'm sorry?
                         COLOSSUS
               Four or five moments.      That's all it
               takes...
                            DEADPOOL
               To...?
                         COLOSSUS
               Be a hero. Everyone thinks it's a full
               time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your
               teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not
               true. Over a lifetime, there are only
               four or five moments that really matter.
               Moments when you're offered a choice. To
               make a sacrifice. Conquer a flaw. Save
               a friend. Spare an enemy.
    Deadpool continues to hold the pistol to Ajax's head.
                         COLOSSUS (CONT'D)
               In those moments, everything else falls
               away. The way the world sees us. The
               way we see oursel-
    BOOM!   OFF-SCREEN, A GUNSHOT.
                         COLOSSUS (CONT'D)
                   (dry-heaves again)
               Huuugglh! Why!
    REVERSE ANGLE to Deadpool, who's just shot AJAX in the head
    with Blind Al's SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL.
                         DEADPOOL
               You were droning on!
                   (shrugs)
               I may be stuck looking like pepperoni
               flatbread, but at least we've heard the
               last of him. If wearing super-hero
               tights means sparing psychopaths, maybe I
               wasn't meant to wear `em. Not everyone
               monitors a hall like you.
                         COLOSSUS
               Just promise-
                         DEADPOOL
               I'll be on the lookout for the next four
               moments.
                         (MORE)


                                                               (CONTINUED)
                                                                112.
              Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

73 CONTINUED: (4) 73

                        DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                  (peers between Colossus and
                   NTW)
              Now if you'll excuse me. I'm just a
              boy... about to stand in front of a
              girl... and tell her- what the fuck am I
              gonna tell her?!
    CUT TO: Deadpool's P.O.V. BETWEEN Colossus and NTW of
    VANESSA, who's now walking quickly TOWARD him. She brushes
    between the two X-men and without saying a word, GRABS the
    fallen PISTOL and PUMPS TWO EXTRA BULLETS into Ajax's corpse.
                         VANESSA
                  (bang)
              Gratuitous.
                  (bang)
              Worth it.
                        DEADPOOL
                  (to camera)
              Anyone else turned on?
                  (to Vanessa)
              That's what I love about y-
    Vanessa promptly PUNCHES Deadpool in the face.
                        DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              I totally deserved that!
                  (gets punched again)
              That too!
                  (wards off knee)
              Maybe not the nethers.
    Vanessa restrains herself, then TURNS HER BACK, overcome.
                        VANESSA
              Start talking.
                         DEADPOOL
              I'm so sorry. For leaving. And taking
              so long to cowboy up. It's been a rough
              few years.
                        VANESSA
                  (snorts, dismissive)
              Rough?
                        DEADPOOL
              I live in a crack house. With a family
              of twelve. At night, we spoon for
              warmth. Everyone fights for Noelle.
              She's the fattest.
                        (MORE)


                                                            (CONTINUED)
                                                                113.
              Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

73 CONTINUED: (5) 73

                        DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              There's nothing we don't share.    Floor
              space. Dental floss. Condoms.
                        VANESSA
              So you live in a house!
                  (turns to face him)
                        DEADPOOL
              I woulda found you before now. But the
              guy behind this mask isn't the same guy
              you remember.
                        VANESSA
              You mean this mask?
    Deadpool FLINCHES but doesn't STOP Vanessa from slowly,
    gently taking OFF his mask, revealing underneath... HUGH
    JACKMAN's `SEXIEST MAN ALIVE' People MAGAZINE COVER. Blood
    at the pierce points. Mouth/eyes cut out to make a `mask.'
                        DEADPOOL
              And this one. In case the other fell
              off.
                        VANESSA
              You mean like this?
    Vanessa starts PULLING OUT staples.
                         DEADPOOL
              Oo. Ah.    Quicker - like a Bandaid!    Owww-
              di 5000.
    One last staple remains.   Vanessa hesitates.
                         DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              Sure?
                        VANESSA
              Sure I'm sure.
    She PULLS it out. The photo FALLS, revealing DEADPOOL's
    SCARS. And two vulnerable, misty eyes. A beat.
                         VANESSA (CONT'D)
              Ew.
                        DEADPOOL
                  (devastated)
              I understand.



                                                            (CONTINUED)
                                                                  114.
              Deadpool   Final Shooting Script     11/16/15

73 CONTINUED: (6) 73

                         VANESSA
                  (smiles)
              Kidding! Get over yourself!        I'd hit
              that shit.
                        DEADPOOL
              You already did.
                  (rubs chin)
              Twice. Seriously?
                         VANESSA
                  (nods)
              After a brief adjustment period and one
              or two drinks.
                  (smiles)
              It's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.
    Vanessa hooks Deadpool's PINKIE with HERS, PULLS him in to
    kiss him.
                        DEADPOOL
              I'm also not the same under these pants.
                  (whispers)
              Super-penis.
    Deadpool and Vanessa are ABOUT to kiss when...
                        NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD (O.S.)
              1975 called.
    Deadpool realizes COLOSSUS and NTW are still standing
    WATCHING.
                        NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD (CONT'D)
              It wants its peep show back.
                        DEADPOOL
              Gah! What the hell are you two still
              doing here?!
                  (to Colossus)
              You, go clean some chalk-board erasers,
              or be a... really Big Brother, or teach
              fat kids to eat lettuce.
                  (to NTW)
              And you, Chicken Noodle. Well...
                  (freezes)
              I feel something stupid coming on.
                  (bounces)
              Gaaaaaaahhhhhh!



                                                              (CONTINUED)
                                                             115.
              Deadpool    Final Shooting Script   11/16/15

73 CONTINUED: (7) 73

                        NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD
              It's alright.
                  (beat, tiniest of smiles)
              You're cool.
                        DEADPOOL
                  (STARES, elated)
              I am?! Omigod. That. Was. Not. Mean!
              Seriously, guys, it was a pleasure. For
              a second there, we felt like... like...
                  (we expect `family')
              ...five mini lion robots forming a large
              super robot.
                        NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD
              There's the stupid.
                        DEADPOOL
              Now, I meant it, both of you, fire up the
              Blackbird and shoo! Scram! Vamoose!
              Skedaddle! Don't make me keep thinking
              of these!
    They smile, shake their heads, and walk off.
    Deadpool turns back to Vanessa.
                        DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              Where were we, darlin'? Oh, riiight.
              The best part.
    Deadpool KISSES Vanessa. The little kiss become a BIGGER
    ONE. Then... fading up from nowhere, with a slightly tinny
    quality... we hear WHAM!'s `CARELESS WHISPER.' Vanessa pulls
    back, puzzled. Deadpool raises his ANDROID. On the cracked
    and dirty screen, George's and Andrew's FACES beam from
    Wham!'s `MAKE IT BIG' album cover.
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
              `Wham!'    As promised.
    The two share the longest kiss yet.
                        DEADPOOL (V.O.)
              See, life can smell like Daffodil
              Daydream. So if you're sitting out there
              in your own personal Punch-Bowl. Ms.
              Mama June on your tongue. Find someone
              to hold... and someone to hold on to you.
              Life's next little train wreck...
                                                             116.
               Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


74 INT. NEW WORKSHOP - DAY 74

                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               ..will be so much easier if you do.
    We find ourselves in a newer, spiffier version of the
    WORKSHOP, where a LAB TECHNICIAN is strapping down a new
    sickly VOLUNTEER/VICTIM.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               Which brings us to shittiest moment
               number 1! The guy behind the guy, Dr.
               Killebrew, off scot-free.
    A SILHOUETTED FIGURE approaches the bed of the nervous
    volunteer, who smiles weakly.
                         VOLUNTEER
               Can you make me better?
    REVERSE ANGLE to reveal whom he's talking to: the PUDGY,
    KINDLY-LOOKING DOCTOR WHO STROKED WADE'S HEAD IN THE
    WORKSHOP. He smiles, pats the volunteer's wrist.
                         DR. KILLEBREW
               Better than better.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               But let's look on the bright side.
                   (sniffs)
               You smell what I smell? I mean besides
               stale popcorn and my post-fight man-funk?
    Dr. Killebrew holds up a syringe with a glint in his eye.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               Sequel. Maybe even one of those ensemble
               team movies...

75 EXT. SCRAPYARD - RUBBLE PILE - DAY 75

    DEADPOOL and Vanessa MAKE OUT LIKE CRAZY, LONG AND HARD. We
    slowly PULL BACK until they look SMALL against the toppled
    hulk of the COMBAT CARRIER.
                         DEADPOOL (V.O.)
               So, `til next time, this is your friendly
               neighborhood pool guy saying... I'm never
               gonna dance again... the way I danced
               with you.
    WHAM BELTS OUT `CARELESS WHISPER' as we ROLL CREDITS.
                                                                117.
                Deadpool   Final Shooting Script   11/16/15


V76 INT. SUBURBAN HOME - DAY - POST CREDIT SEQUENCE V76

     A hallway of a suburban home.    DEADPOOL enters in a maroon
     and gray striped robe.
                          DEADPOOL
                    (short version)
                You're still here? It's over! Go home.
                Wait... you expected a tease for Deadpool
                2?! Sorry, we're low on dough. But if
                you can keep a secret, I can tell you
                who's gonna be in it. Cable! Someone
                suggested Mel Gibson for the role, buuuut-
                I was thinking Liam Neeson. Only
                problem, Liam likes to get paid. And
                more for Liam means less for me. Maybe
                we'll crowdfund the shit. Just you and
                me, kids. Shalom!
                          DEADPOOL (CONT'D)
                    (long version)
                You're still here? It's over! Go home.
                Wait... you expected a tease for Deadpool
                2?! Maybe a little Samuel L. Jackson?
                Sorry, that budget went to Weasel's
                Ketamine habit. But if you can keep a
                secret, I can tell you who's gonna be in
                it. Cable! You're allowed to show your
                pleasure. I'd love Liam Neeson for the
                role, but Liam likes to get paid. And
                more for Liam means less for me. So we'd
                best crowdfund the shit. Depending on
                your level of giving, you could receive a
                Colossus-brand desktop steel-ball
                clacker, a Dwayne `The Rock' Johnson real
                doll, or four minutes alone in a room
                with Charlie Sheen.   Donate now! And
                shalom!
                                                        SMASH CUT TO
                                                              BLACK:
                          DEADPOOL (O.S.) (CONT'D)
                    (a la Ferris)
                Boom, boom, chicka chickah...