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Candace Loses Her Head

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Candace Loses Her Head title card

Scene opens up showing Phineas sleeping.
(Na, na na)
Phineas: Yes! Hey, Ferb! [Throws pillow at Ferb] It's Candace's birthday! We gotta do better than last year.
Gorilla: [Roars]
Candace: AAH! [Slams door]
[Flashback ends]
Phineas: Not our best work. This time it's gotta be something huge!
(Song: Candace)
She's Candace...
Like the Venus De Milo, except she's not armless and handless...
She's got a big, honking truckload of ship-launching qualities...
And this is the reason she bears no resemblance to a praying mantis!
(Candace) A name with 7 letters!
(Candace) Only wears designer sweaters!
(Candace) She's got an allergy to dairy!
(Candace) And she's anything but ordinary!
[Perry chatters]
Candace: Perry?

This is yours, I believe.
Linda: Happy birthday, Candace. I made you a special breakfast!
Lawrence: And after that, we have a surprise!
Candace: What is it? Where is it?
Lawrence: We have to drive to it.
Candace: Oooh!

Is it the mall?
Linda: No.
Candace: Okay, but it is the mall, right?
Lawrence: No, it's not the mall.
Candace: Wait. Please don't tell me we're going to Mt. Rushmore.
Linda: Isn't it great? Four American presidents carved into a side of a mountain.
Lawrence: It was Phineas and Ferb's idea!
Phineas: You're welcome.
Lawrence: Okay. You lot go on ahead. I'll find a parking spot and meet you there.
Phineas: We're going up to the monument. Come on, Perry.
Linda: Okay, well join you in a minute! Okay, Candace. It's your birthday, you can pick out anything you want. Ooh, what about the Mt. Rushmore bobble head?
Candace: Mom, that's lame.
Linda: Okay, how about this cute, cuddly Lincoln?
Candace: Jeremy? [Runs to counter] Hi, Jeremy.
Jeremy: Hey, Candace.
Candace: What are you doing here?
Jeremy: Ah, I'm just here on the Mr. Slushy Burger worker exchange program.
Candace: Um... [Clattering] Uh, oh, well, It's my birthday today, and...I...uh... [Clattering] I gotta check something. Back in a flash, 'kay? Where'd they go?
Isabella: Hi, Mrs. Fletcher.
Linda: Oh, hi, Isabella. What brings you girls here?
Isabella: Fireside Girls field trip. Um, is Phineas here?
Linda: Mmm-hmm. He and Ferb are up on the monument.

Phineas: Possibilities.
Ferb: [Ding]
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

Doo be doo be doo ba,
Doo be doo be doo ba,
Doo be doo be doo ba,
Doo be doo be doo ba,
Doo be-
Doo be doo be doo ba, Doo be doo be doo ba
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good again. We just discovered his new hideout is located inside Lincoln's head at Mt. Rushmore. I-I know. You were just there. Poor planning on our part, actually. Sorry.

Candace: Phineas?! Ferb?! Ohh.
Man: Hey, Honey. What are them kids doing up on the monument?
Candace: Let me see that. [Gasps] Mom! Mom, you've got to see this now. Here, look!
Linda: Oop. Ran out of time.
Candace: Oh, [Rummaging] here, look now!
[Water rushing]
Linda: Oh, Old Reliable Geyser. How exciting! I'm just gonna go back to the gift shop.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus! Your timing is impeccable. And by impeccable I mean: COMPLETELY PECCABLE! [Laughs] Your just in time to witness my latest scheme. Behold, my Drill-Inator! I will bore a tunnel to China, build a toll highway, and make millions!
So, as they say in China: Arrivederci!
[Punches landing]

Phineas: Now, where should we start?
Isabella: Hi, Phineas. Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: It's a surprise.
Isabella: Can I help?
Phineas: We could use a lookout!
Isabella: You got it!
[Rushes to trees, birds squawking]
Cashier: Uh, ma'am, if you handle the big stick, you gotta buy it.
Candace: Mom! You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Ranger: [On megaphone] Uh, excuse me. Aren't you a little young to be restoring a national monument?
Ferb: [Holds megaphone]
Phineas: [On megaphone] Yes. Yes, we are.
Ranger: Well, it's good to see young people taking an interest in our national heritage.

Doofenshmirtz: [Grunting and screaming]
Computer Voice: Hull overheating. Hull overheating.
Doofenshmirtz: The molted lava of the earth's core completely slipped my mind.
The lava is being diverted. You did it, Perry the Platypus! You saved us!
I hate to be a stickler, but the lava is coming AGAIN!!! FASTER!

Candace: Wait 'till you see what those two are up to!
Isabella: She's coming.
[ Phineas and Ferb Theme Song instrumental]
She's getting closer!
Phineas: We're running a little behind on schedule. Go to Plan B.
Isabella: Plan B, girls!
Candace: You are gonna be shocked by what I'm about to show you, Mom.
Linda: Hmm. I guess things look better in photos. [Phone rings] Oh, it's Dad.
Lawrence: Hi, honey! I found an absolutely brilliant parking space!
[Arrow blinking]
Linda: Great! I'll meet you at the gift shop, dear. I still have to buy that big stick.
[Bird squawking, thud]
Candace: Huh?
Phineas: Now!
Ferb: [Hammers rock, rumbling]
Candace: Huh? Why it's...(sobs) i-it's... It's BEAUTIFUL...! [Sobbing] MOM! Mom! [Thud] I gotta show you something right now! Come on! Follow me!
Linda: Candace, are you still trying to get the boys in trouble?
Candace: No! No, no, this is a great thing. Oh, it's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!
Linda: You know, Candace, this is the second time I've climbed up there! I'm already down a half a dress size!
Candace: Come on! Hurry!

Doofenshmirtz: AAH! Wait, where are you going? AAH! [Crash] I'm okay, I... AAH! [Indistinct], Perry the Platypus!

Candace: Hurry, Mom! You won't believe it! [Rumbling]
[Lava bubbling; groans]
Linda: Whew! Finally made it, honey. Now what is it you wanted me to see?
Candace: Bu...bu...!
Linda: You're right! It's beautiful. Happy birthday, honey. [Kisses] Now let's go find your father.
Candace: Ugh!
Phineas: Did you like your birthday present?
Candace: [Moaning]
Ferb: Well, it was definitely better than the gorilla in the cake.

Credits roll
Jeremy: Hey, Candace! I had a break, and I, uh, I thought I'd give you this for you birthday. I saw you looking at it in the gift shop.
Candace: A Mt. Rushmore bobble head.
Jeremy: You like it?
Candace: Oh! I absolutely love it.
Jeremy: Great. I gotta get back. Happy birthday.
Candace: This was the best birthday ever!
[Suspense music]

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