This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "Bummer Vacation" from season four, which aired on October 13, 2006.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! SpongeBob! Just put me out of me misery.
SpongeBob: Why, Mr. Krabs? What can be wrong on such a fine day?
Mr. Krabs: Fine?! (grabs SpongeBob’s mouth and ties it up) Today's not the day for that word, boy. Not after I received this letter from the Fry Cooks Union. It says here fry cook SpongeBob SquarePants has accumulated too much vacation time. And if you don't take some time off, I'll have to pay a fine. (cries)
SpongeBob: Time off?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I guess there's no other way to say this... SpongeBob, take a vacation.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, Mr. Krabs. (runs out)
Mr. Krabs: Well, that went better than I expected.
SpongeBob: (running down the street) I'm ready, vacation. I'm ready, vacation. Vacation. Vacation. (enters his house) Hey, Gary.
SpongeBob: That's right, Gary, I am home early. I'm on vacation. Well, good night, Gary. Ah, vacation. (walks into his bed and closes his eyes for no more than two seconds before his alarm goes off. Scene cuts to him lifting his weights, eating cereal, flossing, showering while singing "La-la-la-la-la-la", then putting on some spray to make him shine. He grabs his hat then walks into the Krusty Krab) Good morning, Krusty Krew! And hello, Squidward.
Squidward: I thought you're on vacation.
Mr. Krabs: (stops SpongeBob) He was and is. I told you to take a vacation, boy.
SpongeBob: What's a vacation?
Mr. Krabs: Well, a vacation is when you don't come into work.
SpongeBob: (gasps) No work?! But what'll I do all day?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I dunno. Just go have fun or whatever. I really don't care. Ya just can't be here.
SpongeBob: But who will fry the patties and clean the grill while I'm gone? Squidward can't do it all alone.
Squidward: Nor will I.
Mr. Krabs: That's why I've hired an unpaid intern as your temporary replacement.
Patrick: (walks in) Good morning, boss. I'm ready for my first day.
Mr. Krabs: Speaking of starfish, here's your replacement right here.
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: That's enough banter on my dime.
Patrick: Ok, boss.
Mr. Krabs: Wait a second, Patrick. You'll need the right tools for the job. (takes SpongeBob’s hat and spatula and gives it to Patrick)
Patrick: Wow. (notices his reflection in the spatula) Huh! They put a tiny me in this belly scratcher. Ahh... (scratches his belly and his back, moaning) Wow. It scratches backs, too!
Mr. Krabs: I'll take it from here, SpongeBob. Just go on home. Enjoy your vacation.
SpongeBob: I really should show Patrick the proper patty-flipping technique. (Mr. Krabs shuts the doors in SpongeBob’s face. Scene cuts to inside SpongeBob’s house)
SpongeBob: I'm on vacation, Gary. I'm not allowed to go to work. (stomach growls then shrinks. SpongeBob gasps) My stomach has receded! Mr. Krabs said I couldn't work at the Krusty Krab. He didn't say I couldn't eat there. This is my ticket back inside! (scene cuts to Krusty Krab)
Squidward: Go away, SpongeBob. You're ruining my vacation...from you.
SpongeBob: I'm not here to see you, Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, do we have to go through this again?
SpongeBob: I'm here as a customer not as an employee. Just gonna grab a krabby patty with Patrick for lunch.
Mr. Krabs: Alright, but lunch only. If you so much as touch a spatuler, you'll be vacationing in Davey Jones' locker.
SpongeBob: You have my word, sir. No working. (enters kitchen) Hey Pat, it's time for your lunch... (screams as he sees Patrick putting patties, attached to his body, on the grill) Patrick, you can't do that!
SpongeBob: You need to turn up the grill to exactly 298 degrees Fahrenheit. (turns the knob to the right from 297 to 298. Takes Patrick's spatula) Patrick, this is no way to treat a krabby patty.
Mr. Krabs: (storms into the kitchen) SpongeBob! What did I tell you about working?
SpongeBob: Wait, it's not what you think.
Mr. Krabs: (wheels SpongeBob on a dolly) Out you go, boy.
SpongeBob: But my knowledge could help Patrick maintain the high standards of the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: We've got it all under control here. I don't want to see hide or tail of ya 'til your vacation is over. You got that?
SpongeBob: Yes, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Well, boy... (launches SpongeBob off) ...off ya go! And don't come back 'til it's over. (scene cuts to SpongeBob entering his house)
SpongeBob: Oh, what to do, what to do. Hey, I know just the thing to get the ol' spirits up. The official Krusty Krab playset. (sits down in front of a toy Krusty Krab with Krusty Krew figures. Opens it up)
Squidward: (SpongeBob imitating him) SpongeBob, I need 20 krabby patties on the double, please.
SpongeBob: Sure thing, Mr. Squidward, sir. 20 krabby patties coming up.
Mr. Krabs: (SpongeBob imitating him) SpongeBob, what are you doing here? You're gonna cost me some loot if you don't get your square keister home. Out, out, out, until your vacation is over. (takes SpongeBob’s krusty hat off. SpongeBob walks home, sad)
SpongeBob: (walking inside his pineapple) Oh, what to do on this boring vacation. Hey, I know just the thing to get the ol' spirits up. (plays with a smaller Krusty Krab playset)
Squidward: (SpongeBob imitating him) I need 20 krabby patties, please.
SpongeBob: Sure thing, ol' buddy, ol' Squid. 20 krabby patties coming...
SpongeBob: You're right, Gary. It is unhealthy to think of the Krusty Krab while I'm on vacation. I need to get out of the house. (scene cuts to Krusty Krab where Squidward is washing windows until he sees SpongeBob)
Squidward: Uh, Mr. Krabs, he's out there again.
Mr. Krabs: I'll deal with this. Boy, you're on Krusty Krab property. Back it up. (SpongeBob steps backwards) Further. (steps backwards more) Further. (steps backwards more) Further. (steps backwards more) Further. (continues yelling "further" until SB is in front of his house) That'll do.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is right. In order to enjoy my vacation, I need to stay away from work. Physically and mentally. (looks at his net) Hey, that reminds me of...yeah. (his net turns into a spatula. Pretends to grill but stops) Hold it right there, Mr. WorkaholicPants. You're on vacation. You just need to sit down and relax. (floats onto the ground) That's more like it. Just sit back and watch the clouds. (watches a cloud go by) That one's a jellyfish! (another cloud goes by) That's a pirate ship. (another cloud goes by) And that's a low salt ketchup...whoa! Low salt ketchup? (scene cuts to Krusty Krab where a delivery truck backs up. SpongeBob, in a disguise, walks up to the kitchen door) Got your steaming, hot bun delivery here. (another delivery truck backs up. A delivery fish gets out with the same buns on a plate)
Delivery Fish: Eh? What's the big idea here? (SpongeBob laughs nervously then gets booted out. Scene cuts to the phone ringing inside the Krusty Krab. Patrick answers)
Patrick: Hello? Hello? Yeah? Hello. Hello! (SpongeBob slips through phone cord and through Patrick's head but gets shot out of the Krsuty Krab, through the doors. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab restroom where Patrick is cleaning out his ear) Hmm, I didn't even know I had an ear. (notices water splashing out from the toilet behind him) Hey, I just cleaned that one.
SpongeBob: Patrick, shhh.
Patrick: It talks! Ahh! (runs out)
SpongeBob: Ohh... Somebody help, I'm stuck. (Mr. Krabs walks up) Mr. Krabs! Thank Neptune it's you. I'm in a bit of a fix here. (Mr. Krabs grabs a cord above the toilet) Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs flushes the toilet) Noooo!! (gets flushed down the toilet. Scene cuts to SpongeBob jumping out of a customers shirt and into the grease fryer in the kitchen) Uh-oh.
Mr. Krabs: Now what? (picks up the fryer) Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. (puts SpongeBob in his boat out back) Had enough for one day, son. (drives off)
SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride home, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Not a problem at all, me boy.
SpongeBob: Just take the next right. (Mr. Krabs drives past his house) Mr. Krabs, we just passed the turn off.
Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh.
SpongeBob: My house is back that way, Mr. K.
Mr. Krabs: Far out, little man. Far out. (drives into a forest and stops)
SpongeBob: Where'd you say you were taking me?
Mr. Krabs: Look boy, (takes out a spatula) I brought your spatuler. (SpongeBob glares at the spatula and acts like a dog) C'mon, boy, c'mon. Now, get it, boy. C'mon, get it. Get the spatuler. Go get it! (throws the spatula into the forest. SpongeBob chases after it while Mr. Krabs turns around and drives off) Enjoy your vacation, boy!
SpongeBob: It's not fair. Why would Mr. Krabs try so hard to get rid of me? I'm only on vacation. Unless, it's a... (gasps) ...permanent vacation. That's it! Mr. Krabs wants to replace me. Oh, I should've known. Patrick's had his eye on my job all along. He's been scheming. They think I'm outdated. They think I'm all washed up. Well, I'll show them. (scene cuts to Patrick running down the street to his rock)
Patrick: Working at the Krusty Krab. Flipping krabby patties all day. Flipping Krusty Krab working patties krab...that's a hard song to remember. (opens his rock and jumps in) Huh?
SpongeBob: (sitting in the corner of Patrick's rock) Who do they think they are? I gave the best years of my life to this place and they think they can just fire me like that? Like trash? I don't think so.
Patrick: SpongeBob? Is that you?
SpongeBob: (turns around with an evil look on his face) I've been waiting for you, Patrick. (walks towards Patrick, growling)
Patrick: SpongeBob, you're scaring me. Ahh! (SpongeBob laughs maniacally and closes in around Patrick. Scene cuts to Krusty Krab)
Squidward: What'll it be?
Customer: One krabby patty, please.
Squidward: One shell on a shingle. (many orders come out)
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be...Patrick! Your cooking's improved one-thousand fold. Congratulations, boy, you've finally got the hang of it. (gasps. Patrick turns around but it's SpongeBob in a Patrick costume) SpongeBob? No wonder. Patrick could never flip that many patties in an hour. What happen to that feller, anyway?
SpongeBob: Oh, I told him to stay home and watch television. (Patrick is sitting at home watching a broken TV)
Mr. Krabs: Why'd you do it, laddy?
SpongeBob: (starts to cry) Oh, Mr Krabs, I love the putrid grease of the Krusty Krab so much, I just couldn't stay away.
Mr. Krabs: You don't have to. (takes out a calendar) Your accumulated vacation time is used up. (tears up calendar) The union can't fine me anymore.
SpongeBob: You must've saved a fortune.
Mr. Krabs: Bumping barnacles, yes. (laughs and holds up a dime) And there she is.
SpongeBob: Wow! That's more than I make in a year.
Mr. Krabs: Don't be askin me for a raise. Just get back to work.
SpongeBob: (jumps out of the Patrick costume) Yippee! I happily acquiesce.