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                                30 MINUTES OR LESS



                                    Written by
                      Michael Diliberti & Matthew Sullivan


                                                                12-11-09
         The following is very loosely based on some shit that actually
         happened...
                        OVER BLACK
                        
         We hear the roar of a V8 engine, piped out through some
         throaty, fucked up muffler, as
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
                        
         An '89 Mustang bursts like a shot over a rise in the highway.
         It's got a rusted two-tone paint job, Maryland plates, and
         bald tires that scream as it peels off an exit and into the
                        
         EXT. SUBURBS - DAY
                        
         The car fast approaches a stop sign, dangerously blows through
         the intersection.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                        
         We don't see the DRIVER, only the redlining RPMs, Vans slip-
         ons working the pedals, wristwatch being checked. The wheel
         cranks right as the car turns onto a -
                        
         One way street. A minivan flies right at us. The Mustang
         hops up onto the curb to avoid it, clips a trash can and -
                        
         Garbage explodes like confetti. The wipers engage, brushing
         the trash aside. The car whips another turn and
                        
         EXT. SUBURBS - DAY
                        
         The Mustang fishtails around a corner and skids away.
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
                        TIRES SCREECH
                        
         Brake pads smoke. The Mustang stops outside
                        
         EXT. HOUSE - DAY
                        
         The Driver jumps out of the car. As he rushes to the front
         door, we see the urgent package he is delivering.
                        
         TWO LARGE PIZZAS
                        
         Before he can ring the bell, the door opens and two smug 15-
         YEAR-OLDS stare out.
                        
                         15-YEAR-OLD
          That's 34 minutes. You're 4 minutes
          late. Pizza's free.
                        
         REVEAL our guy staring back at the kids. This is WILL (25),
         probably good looking in another life.
          2.
                        
         Right now, he is tired and unamused, wearing a red "Giorgio's
         Trattoria" hat and a sweaty matching t-shirt.
                        
                         WILL
          Gimme a break. You guys live two
          towns away. It's pretty much fucking
          impossible to get here in 30 minutes.
                        
                         OTHER 15-YEAR-OLD
          Exactly. That's why we ordered from
          your shitty "trattoria."
                        
                         WILL
          This is gonna come out of my paycheck.
          You sure you don't want to take the
          moral high ground?
                        
                         OTHER 15-YEAR-OLD
          We'd rather take the pizzas.
                        
         Will takes a calming breath. Hands over the pizzas.
                        
                         WILL
          Ok. You guys are pretty smart. You
          figured out a way to beat the system.
                         (PEEKS INSIDE)
          Got the house to yourselves?
                        
                         15-YEAR-OLD
          That's right.
                        
                         WILL
          Not bad. Any jailbait in there?
          Little pizza and a rainbow party?
                        
         The kids shakes their heads.
                        
                         WILL
          Seriously? Well, two hustlers like
          yourselves gotta have the place
          stocked with beer and whippits and
          shit, right? Just call the girls up
          and let them know the party's on.
                        
                         15-YEAR-OLD
          Man, we don't have any of that stuff.
                        
         Will makes a show of mulling this over.
                        
                         WILL
          I really shouldn't do this...but you
          seem like a couple of good dudes.
          I'll tell you what, you give me the
          money that your mom left you for the
          pizzas, and I'll grab you some beers.
                         (MORE)
          3.
                        
                         WILL (CONT'D)
                         (BEAT)
          But I get to keep the change as a
          tip. Deal?
                        
         The kids look at each other. One hesitantly pulls out some
         cash. Will snatches it and heads off.
                        
                         WILL
          I'll see you in like 20 minutes.
                        
         The kids look uncertain. As if sensing this, Will stops
         before getting into his ride.
                        
                         WILL
          You boys like Budweiser, right?
                        
                         15-YEAR-OLD
          Uh, yeah, totally.
                        
                         OTHER 15-YEAR-OLD
          Love that shit!
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                        
         The sun sets. Will cruises back into his own middle-class
         town in suburban Maryland.
                        
         A six pack of Budweiser rests in the passenger seat.
                        
         Will stops at a light. Checks out a PRETTY YOUNG THING in
         the Jeep beside him. She catches him looking, rolls her
         eyes. The light turns and the Jeep skids away.
                        
         Will self consciously removes his "Giorgio's" cap.
                        
         INT. GIORGIO'S TRATTORIA - NIGHT
                        
         Will enters and nods at CHRISTOPHER (40s), the manager. His
         balding head is nearly translucent from absorbing a day's
         worth of pizza grease.
                        
                         WILL
          Yo, Chris. Let me cash the fuck out.
                        
         Will hands over some cash to Christopher.
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          You have a pretty good shift?
                        
                         WILL
          For sure. I mean, the part where I
          had to drop off all those pizzas
          kinda sucked, but the rest was cool.
          4.
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          Oh, yeah? 'Cause, I got some kids
          calling in saying you ripped them off.
          Promised to buy them beer or something.
                        
                         WILL
          I actually did buy the beer, but it
          would have been illegal to give it
          to them, right? So I'm gonna do the
          responsible thing and drink it myself.
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          That's real funny. But I'm trying
          to run a business here.
                        
                         WILL
          What kind of business promises to
          deliver anywhere in 30 minutes?
          It's ridiculous.
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          I don't wanna hear another one of
          your bullshit excuses. You're fired.
                        
                         WILL
          Come on. If I didn't need this job,
          I wouldn't be doing this shitty job.
                        
         Chris is unmoving.
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck! Whatever!
                        
         Will storms off. As he gets to the door -
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          You know, you were an okay driver
          half the time. And you're not a Puerto
          Rican. Which means something to me.
                        
                         WILL
          That's poignant.
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          I guess I could rehire you, on a
          provisional basis. Of course, this
          would be at the slightly reduced
          "new company rate."
                        
                         WILL
          Are you fucking serious?
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          I don't know. Is there anyone else
          left in town for you to work for?
          5.
                        
         Will shakes his head. Swallows what's left of his pride.
                         WILL
          When do I start?
         EXT. SMALL APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
         Will sits on the darkened front stoop. He tosses an empty
         can into the bushes and gets to work on his fourth beer.
         He looks over at a parked Hyundai Elantra. A YOUNG MAN sits
         in the passenger seat with a pensive look on his face. He
         makes a sudden, surprised gasp. The homely YOUNG WOMAN who
         was just blowing him sits up from his lap and rearranges
         herself in the driver seat. She leans over for a goodbye
         kiss. The Young Man obliges with much fanfare.
         The Young Man gets out and the car pulls away. This is CHET
         (25), a clean cut guy dressed in the Gap Premium Collection.
         He heads toward the building, high off his BJ, humming
         Outkast's "Ms. Jackson." He stops when he notices Will in
         the shadows.
                         CHET
          What the hell? Have you just been
          sitting there?
                         WILL
          Yep. Caught the whole show. Really
          classy move at the end. You know,
          the kiss. Putting your tongue in
          her mouth right after you fucked it.
                         CHET
          Hey, a nice girl decides to pleasure
          me on a weeknight, in her car no
          less...I'm not gonna make her feel
          like an untouchable. I'm gonna make
          her feel like a lady.
                         WILL
          What manners. May I offer you some
          alcohol, sir. To wash the taste of
          yourself out of your mouth.
         Will offers his beer. Chet takes a slug, gurgles for effect.
                        
                         CHET
          By the way, she said she had a friend.
          Maybe we can go on our first double
          date since you tried to talk Jackie
          Fortunato and her cousin into having
          a four-way with us.
                        
                         WILL
          I misread their body language. It
          happens.
          6.
                        
         Will picks up some rented movies sitting beside him.
                        
                         WILL
          Come on. Let's go inside, drink
          your beer and watch shit get crazy.
                         (FANS MOVIES)
          Old favorites. You choose. Lethal
          Weapon, Lethal Weapon 2...was gonna
          get the third Lethal Weapon, but
          decided on a porn. So it's really
          between the first two.
                        
                         CHET
          I choose sleep. I gotta teach a
          class at eight.
                        
                         WILL
          You're a sub. Just call in sick.
          Like the real teacher did.
                        
                         CHET
          Come on, man, you know I got promoted
          to full-time last month. You bought
          me a laser pointer.
                        
         Will heaves a sigh.
                        
                         WILL
          Yeah, I know. I guess I'm just having
          a hard time accepting you as "the
          man." You know, flunking kids, giving
          out spite detentions to girls you
          wanna fuck, laser pointing at shit.
                        
                         CHET
          I also get healthcare and my summers
          off. It's not perfect, but it's a
          career.
                        
         Will grudgingly stands up.
                        
                         WILL
          I guess that's just the difference
          between you and me.
                        
         He holds up the Lethal Weapon DVDs.
                        
                         WILL
          I'm like Riggs. Cruising the streets.
          No rules, no attachments. Every
          other day some asshole is trying to
          take my badge. You're fucking
          Murtaugh. Always worried about your
          pension. Well, guess what, it gets
          old after the first movie.
          7.
                        
                         CHET
          I just got head. I'm totally Riggs.
         Will shakes his head, turns and walks off.
         INT. STUDIO APARTMENT - DAY
         Will wakes up, legs dangling over the edge of a tiny couch.
         His TV is still on, displaying the menu screen from a porn.
         Will looks down at his coffee table. Clears some magazines
         to reveal a file folder. Flips the cover -
         It's full of college applications, drafts of admissions essays,
         a junior college transcript. Will thumbs through one of the
         glossy applications. The kids look young. Very young.
         Will glances over at a picture on his wall: he and Chet at
         high school graduation, looking just as young. They have
         their arms around a pretty girl squeezed between them. Will
         and the girl look very high and very happy.
         Will shuts the folder, slides it back under the coffee table
         debris. He looks over at a clock: it is already 2:00 PM.
                         WILL
          Fuck.
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY
         Will jumps in and starts the engine. As he tucks his
         "Giorgio's" cap onto his head, he catches his reflection in
         the rear-view mirror.
                        
                         WILL
          You asshole. You titanic asshole.
          Come on down and get your prize.
                        
         He makes his fingers into a gun, puts it to his head...pulls
         the trigger and
                        
         BOOM!
                        
                        WE'RE IN
                        
         EXT. OPEN FIELD - DAY
                        
         A watermelon explodes in a shower of red, juicy bits. Loud,
         dumb laughter echoes.
                        
         Standing 20 yards away is DWAYNE (32), an intense, meaty guy
         in a sleeveless Baltimore Ravens t-shirt. On his left bicep
         is a tattoo of the Tasmanian Devil flipping the bird.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Fruit motherfuckin' salad!
          8.
                        
         Crouched beside him is JAY (27), tall and awkward, in a wool
         surplus cap. He carefully rigs homemade explosives to another
         watermelon, then looks up at Dwayne. His eyes are magnified
         into saucers by his thick glasses. There's a peculiar
         eagerness to please in them.
                        
                         JAY
          This one's gonna blow even bigger.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Boy, if you weren't such a skinny
          little bitch you coulda been in the
          military or something.
                        
                         JAY
          Whatever. I don't need the military.
          I taught myself how to do this shit.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I hear that. I taught myself how to
          eat pussy. And cut my own hair.
                        
         Jay jogs the watermelon a safe distance away. He returns
         and pulls out a detonator. Dwayne snatches it.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          This one's all me.
          (makes "radio" sounds)
          Mr. President, we have enemies at
          the gate. Give me the order.
          (more "radio" sounds)
          Fuck that, sir. I don't negotiate
          with terrorists!
                        
         Dwayne presses a button and
                        
         BOOM!
                        
         The explosion is so powerful that it sprinkles our guys'
         smiling faces with fruit juice.
                        
         INT. KITCHEN, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                        
         Large and early-90s chic. Dwayne and Jay have the fridge
         open, fixing themselves a cold cut plate. Dwayne is debating
         the amount of meat on the plate...adds some more.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Wanna make sure I get enough calories.
                        
                         JAY
          I thought you wanted to get diesel
          for the summer. Bang that towel
          girl at the community pool.
          9.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It's obvious you don't know shit-all
          about physical fitness. You gotta
          bulk up first, then you slim down.
          I'm clearly in the bulk up phase. I
          told you to watch Pumping Iron like
          a month ago. If you'd listened to
          me, maybe you'd know what the fuck
          I'm talking about.
                         (BEAT)
          Grab some RC Cola.
                        
         INT. LIVING ROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                        
         The shades are drawn. We hear a girl scream bloody murder!
                        
         The guys are watching FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3...in 3D. They
         both wear cheap cardboard glasses.
                        
         Jay jumps back as Jason wields a 3D ax.
                        
                         JAY
          Shit, man! It's so real!
                        
         Dwayne reaches out, "touching" the 3D images. He stands and
         starts humping the air.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Check it out. I ain't afraid of
          Jason. I'm fucking him.
                         (THRUSTING HARDER)
          You like that, Jason!? In the mask!
                        
         Jay cracks up. The lights flick on.
                        
          GRIZZLED VOICE (O.S.)
          Who are you two fags fucking?
                        
         Standing by the switch is Dwayne's dad, JERRY (70s). Most
         people just call him "THE MAJOR." The faded USMC tattoo on
         his thick forearm explains why.
                        
                         JAY
          Afternoon, Major.
                        
         Dwayne flops back onto the couch.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Dad, we're watching a flick. We got
          45 minutes and a potential 3D sex
          scene left. You're sorta coming in
          at the worst possible moment.
          10.
                        
                         MAJOR
          I bought that TV set so I could watch
          my programs, not so you and your
          friend could louse up my couch.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You gotta learn how to share the
          common space.
                        
                         MAJOR
          The only thing common in this house
          is you. You remind me of your damn
          mother. Fat, dumb, and in my way.
                        
         The Major grabs Dwayne and pulls him up off the couch. He
         gets right in his face...scary, intense. Dwayne turns to Jay.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Let's get outta here. This movie
          sucks anyway.
                        
         Jay gets up and files out the door. Dwayne goes to take the
         cold cut plate. The Major grabs his arm.
                        
                         MAJOR
          I paid for the damn cold cuts, too.
          Maybe if you had a job, or a fucking
          prospect, or a clue how to find any
          of the above, I'd let you eat 'em.
                        
                         DWAYNE
                         (QUIETLY)
          You know, you can be a real
          sonofabitch, dad.
                        
                         MAJOR
          That's what it takes, boy. In the
          Corps, men like you wore dresses to
          keep us entertained.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That's pretty fucking disturbing!
                        
         Dwayne storms off.
                        
         EXT. NICE HOUSE - DAY
                        
         Dwayne and Jay head out, passing a brand new pickup truck in
         the driveway. Dwayne spits on it.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Fuck The Major!
                        
         The guys get in a shitty Ford Aerostar minivan and peel out.
          11.
                        
         INT. DIVE STRIP CLUB - DAY
                        
         R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)" pumps.
                        
         Large, fake breasts, sparkling with cheap body glitter and
         pierced at the nipples, shake before us. Their owner, JUICY
         (27), a petite Latina, phones in a lap dance as Dwayne pours
         his heart out to her.
                        
         Somewhere in the background, Jay hangs at the bar, all alone.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          - and he thinks he knows me. He
          don't know shit. I got ideas he
          could never dream of. I got plans
          bigger than his fucking house.
                         (BEAT)
          He didn't even raise me. My mother
          did. That was a good woman.
                        
                         JUICY
          Oh yeah? What happened to her?
                        
         Dwayne shifts, uncomfortably, at the sore subject.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          She passed on.
                        
                         JUICY
          I hope you're not one of those guys
          that comes here looking to get
          mothered.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I wouldn't mind nursing on them
          titties, mamacita.
                        
                         JUICY
          Sure. Whatever you say. Maybe just
          keep quiet for a while, forget about
          your old man and let me do my thing.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I wish I could forget about that
          asshole for good. I'm just waiting
          around for him to drop dead. Don't
          wanna mess with my inheritance.
                        
         This piques Juicy's interest.
                        
                         JUICY
          What kinda inheritance?
          12.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          When my dad got outta the service, he
          started buying lotto tickets. He'd
          play his dog tag numbers. In '91,
          the fucker won five million bucks.
         INSERT PHOTO: The Major holding a giant cardboard check.
                         DWAYNE
          He had some health problems a few
          years back, and since then he's been
          burning through the money like an
          NBA draft pick. Probably only got a
          million or two left. But it's mine
          as soon as he kicks.
         Behind inch-long fake eyelashes, Juicy's shrewd eyes narrow,
         mind working. She straddles Dwayne, tightly.
                         JUICY
          You know, with a million bucks, you
          could have anything. Be like a king.
          (almost a moan)
          King Dwayne.
                         DWAYNE
          That's right. And maybe I'll make
          you my queen. Let you polish my
          royal scepter.
                         JUICY
          Practice makes perfect.
         Juicy pantomimes a long, slow chicken head. Dwayne is blissed
         out. She smiles at him, sticky sweet.
                         JUICY
          Let me ask you a question...do you
          really hate your daddy?
                         DWAYNE
          Hate him like the Steelers.
                         JUICY
          Then maybe I can help you get that
          money now. Before he spends another
          penny.
                        
         Dwayne looks confused. Juicy puts his hands on her breasts,
         emboldening him.
                        
                         JUICY
          I know a guy in Baltimore. He could
          help you out. Probably do it for...
          (sizing him up)
          ...100Gs.
          13.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Do what?
                        
         Juicy leans in, whispers softly in Dwayne's ear -
                        
                         JUICY
          Kill your mean old dad.
                        
         On Dwayne's face as this new possibility pinballs around his
         mind, setting off a flood of different emotions.
                        
                         JUICY
          So, what do you think...you ready
          for your crown?
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                        
         Will has one pizza left in the back of his car. He pulls
         over outside an office building.
                        
         INT. LAW FIRM, OFFICE BUILDING - NIGHT
                        
         Rows of cubicles. Speckled with late night STRAGGLERS, bleary
         eyes, too busy generating detailed lists of places they'd
         rather be to notice the pizza boy walking along. Will stops
         before one such work station, looks on for a beat.
                        
                         WILL
          Rio?
                        
         KATE (25) turns from the glow of her computer screen. She
         has short, messy hair and a sarcastic smile. This is the
         girl from the picture in Will's apartment.
                        
                         KATE
          That's the plan. Five days, six
          nights. Culture. Beaches.
          Acceptable probability of kidnapping.
          I leave in the morning.
                        
         Kate looks back at her computer, logged onto an Expedia
         checkout page for a Rio vacation. She moves the mouse pointer
         from the "proceed" key...closes the window.
                        
                         KATE
          This morning I loaded up an African
          Safari and a cruise to Alaska.
                        
                         WILL
          Oh, the places you'll go.
                        
                         KATE
          Fuck Expedia. Travel Advisor. Making
          it seem so easy.
          14.
                        
                         WILL
          It is. Just do it. Get away for a
          while.
                        
                         KATE
          Even if I could afford that...they
          fired two other paralegals last week.
          Now's not the time to be putting in
          for vacation days.
                        
                         WILL
          Ok. Done. I've got my dose of the
          actual working world. Can we eat?
                        
         Will lays a pizza down on her desk.
                        
                         KATE
          How do you keep sneaking up here
          past the security guard?
                        
                         WILL
          He's there like half the time. The
          other half I smile at him. I'm
          relatively certain he's a homosexual.
                        
                         KATE
          Interesting theory...
                        
         Kate opens the pizza box, grabs a slice.
                        
                         KATE
          Maybe I should set him up with Tom
          Small. He came out to me today on
          Facebook.
                        
                         WILL
          That kid beat the hell out of me and
          Chet in grammar school. Wow.
                        
                         KATE
          Tell me about it. He fingered me at
          junior prom while they were playing
          "No Scrubs."
                        
                         WILL
                         (WINCES)
          Really? What a fucking scrub.
                        
         Will grabs a slice. They eat quietly for a beat.
                        
                         KATE
          So, I've got some news...
          15.
                        
                         WILL
          I thought the Tom Small stuff was
          enough of a headline, but go ahead.
                        
                         KATE
          I'm getting back together with Mark.
                        
         Will's delicious pizza suddenly tastes like shit. He does
         his best to swallow it down.
                        
                         WILL
          But you...you broke up with
          him...ended the relationship.
          Finality was had.
                        
                         KATE
          Yeah, but we were talking and -
                        
                         WILL
          Forget it. I don't want to know.
                        
                         KATE
          You sound like Chet.
                        
                         WILL
          Woah, don't compare me to your
          brother.
                        
                         KATE
          Well, neither one of you seems to
          care that I don't have a life. Mark's
          not perfect...but a relationship is
          better than working late every Friday
          because I have nowhere else to be.
                        
                         WILL
          Sure. I get it. Here we are. Friday
          night. Nowhere to be.
                        
         Kate shoves Will, good-naturedly.
                        
                         KATE
          You know what I mean.
                        
         Will shrugs, quietly devastated. Goes back to his pizza.
                        
         INT. SPORTS BAR - NIGHT
                        
         Most of the PATRONS are fixated on an Orioles game blaring
         from a large flat-screen TV.
                        
         At a booth in back, Dwayne and Jay are in deep conversation.
          16.
                        
                         JAY
          I don't wanna stick my nose into a
          family matter...but killing your old
          man? That's pretty messed up...I
          mean, unless you think it isn't.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          What we have here is a classic "lesser
          of two evils" debate. You got one
          evil: me shaving a few years off The
          Major's shitty life. Then you got
          the other evil: The Major ruining my
          entire awesome life by blowing through
          my inheritance. Maybe I'm biased,
          but mine sure as shit seems like the
          lesser.
                        
                         JAY
          I guess I...sorta see where you're
          coming from. And you have been
          waiting around forever for that money.
          You deserve it, Dwayne.
                        
         Dwayne nods, seriously.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You know, there's a reason I sleep
          'til noon everyday. And it ain't
          'cause I'm lazy. It's on account of
          me having so many goddamn dreams.
          Big ones. And once that money's
          mine, they're all gonna come true.
                        
         Dwayne takes a long sip of beer, contemplative.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Like I had this one dream last night.
          I was cruising through town in a
          Lamborghini Diablo. The wind was
          blowing through my hair, ruffling my
          open shirt. There was a hot little
          piece of ass sitting next to me. And
          in the back seat, Jay...was you.
          Strapped. Wearing a pair of Oakleys.
                        
                         JAY
          Wow. I didn't know you dreamt about
          me, Dwayne.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It was only this once, Jay. To be
          honest, I didn't know what to make
          of it. So I consulted my dream book,
          and found out it means this: you're
          my road dog. You got my back.
                         (MORE)
          17.
                        
                         DWAYNE (CONT'D)
          That's why I want to make you my
          partner.
                        
                         JAY
          In what?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          In crime. And business. You see, it
          ain't just about the inheritance money.
          It's about what I'm gonna do with it.
                        
         Dwayne leans across the table.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm about to clue you in on something.
          And then you'll understand the true
          magnitude of what's at stake here.
          Are you ready?
                        
                         JAY
          Yes. I'm totally ready.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Then answer me this...what's this
          town missing? I'll give you a hint.
          It's a cash business, crawling with
          sexy bitches.
                        
                         JAY
                         (BEAT)
          A Chinese food restaurant?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          No. A tanning salon.
                         (BEAT)
          Think about it. All that green.
          All that brown flesh.
                        
         Jay nods, thinking about. He smiles.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It's also the perfect front for a
          prostitution ring.
                        
                         JAY
          Yeah, of course. Because of the booths.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yes. And because of the bitches.
                         (BEAT)
          It can all be ours. 30 percent for
          you, 70 percent for me. You just
          gotta help me out here.
          18.
                        
         Jay looks conflicted. Dwayne goes dark, like a spurned lover.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm starting to wonder if my dream
          book was wrong about you. Maybe you
          sitting behind me doesn't mean you're
          my road dog. Maybe it means you're
          plotting to stab me in the back,
          like some snake in the grass.
                        
                         JAY
          That's crazy. I'd never do something
          like that. The dream book was right!
                        
         Jay looks Dwayne in the eyes, knows it's all or nothing...
                        
                         JAY
          Ok. I'll do it. But I'm not shooting
          him or anything. I'll hold him while
          you shoot him. That's it.
                        
         Dwayne chuckles.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Here's a fact: they don't build prisons
          for criminals, they build them for
          idiots. Shit, they got three different
          types of CSI on TV, just laying out
          how the police do their business...and
          still, idiots like you think you can
          just go out and do a murder yourself.
                         (BEAT)
          If you wanna be a millionaire, you
          gotta think like one. And
          millionaires don't kill people.
          They hire assassins. Which I did.
          We gotta pay him on Tuesday.
                        
                         JAY
          What? Why would you do that?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I was presented with an opportunity.
          I took it. 100 thousand bucks for a
          highly trained assassin is a steal.
                        
                         JAY
          But we don't have that kinda money.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Now we're addressing the real problem:
          how do we get the 100 grand? 'Cause
          once we get that, we get the million.
                         (MORE)
          19.
                        
                         DWAYNE (CONT'D)
          And once we get the million, we will
          literally own this town and every
          single thing in it.
                        
                         JAY
          I guess we could just...rob a bank.
          One of these local banks with nothing
          but a dipshit security guard.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Again, not quite thinking like a
          millionaire.
                        
                         JAY
          Okay, then let's hire someone to rob
          a bank.
                        
         Dwayne thinks about this for a second.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Fuck hiring them, we could just force
          someone to rob a bank for us. Like
          with blackmail, or death threats, or -
                        
                         JAY
                         (ALMOST INVOLUNTARILY)
          A bomb. Everyone's scared of a bomb.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I was gonna say hypnotism...but I
          like that. It's out of the fucking
          box. We just strap one to some
          motherfucker's chest, like we did to
          those watermelons. Think you can
          you build some kinda bomb vest?
                        
                         JAY
          Yeah, I mean...camel jockeys do it
          in caves. I got a garage workshop.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm pretty sure this is exactly how
          a millionaire would do it. And the
          beauty of it is: we don't lose any
          sleep, 'cause no one gets hurt.
                        
                         JAY
          Except The Major.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yeah. The Major dies. But no one
          gets hurt.
                        
         Dwayne smiles. But a nagging thought interrupts him -
          20.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          There's just one problem. Where do
          we get our guy? 'Cause if we do a
          kidnapping, then we're right back
          where we started...doing shit that's
          gonna get us caught.
                         (MIND WORKING)
          What we need is someone to come to
          us...to a place where we can control
          the situation. Someone without any
          connection to us.
                        
         The guys stare at each other, stumped. Until something
         catches Dwayne's attention...a local commercial playing on
         the flat-screen. A PIZZA CHEF slides a pizza into a box -
                        
                         PIZZA CHEF
                         (ON TV)
          We'll deliver anywhere in 30 minutes
          or less! Or your pizza is free!
          Giorgio's Trattoria, where the
          customer gets what they want...pronto!
                        
         The guys look at each other.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Sometimes fate just takes out its cock
          and slaps you in the face with it.
                        
         INT. CHET'S APARTMENT - DAY
                        
         A hand grabs a beer from the fridge.
                        
          VOICE (O.S.)
          You're not trying to draw a psycho
          pension...you really are crazy!
                        
         Will heads into the living room with the beer. The voice
         belongs to Danny Glover. The guys are watching Lethal Weapon.
         Murtaugh (Danny Glover) has just stopped Riggs (Mel Gibson)
         from killing himself. Riggs looks at him, crazily, before -
                        
                         RIGGS
                         (ON TV)
          I'm hungry. I'm gonna get something
          to eat.
                        
         Chet looks over at Will. He is drunk, and in a dark mood.
                        
                         CHET
          Maybe you should pace yourself.
          It's noon on a Saturday.
                        
                         WILL
          Fridge is full, man. We're all good.
          21.
                        
         Will drains half his beer.
                        
                         WILL
          Let me ask you a question. You
          remember Tom Small?
                        
                         CHET
          Yeah, he used to kick our asses.
                        
                         WILL
          Turns out he was probably jerking
          off to it afterwards. He's gay.
                        
                         CHET
          I hope he chokes on a dick. I never
          liked him.
                        
                         WILL
          Your sister did. She let him finger
          blast her. Big time.
                        
         Chet pauses the movie.
                        
                         CHET
          What the fuck are you talking about?
          I don't want that shit in my head.
                        
                         WILL
          Sorry. Kate told me about it last
          night. I thought you should know.
                        
                         CHET
          You two were swapping stories about
          getting fingered? That's pretty cute.
                        
         Chet chuckles. Will ignores him, sips his beer.
                        
                         WILL
          The point I'm trying to make is this:
          Tom Small was an asshole. He was
          totally wrong for your sister. Just
          like every other guy she's ever dated.
          Right through to that Mark dude she's
          gonna get back together with. Un-be-
          fuck-me-lievable...
                        
                         CHET
          Whatever. Why the fuck are we talking
          about who my sister goes out with?
                        
         At a loss, Will shrugs. Chet turns back to the TV, presses
         play. Lethal Weapon resumes. Something blows up. Chet
         pauses the movie and stares at Will for a beat.
          22.
                        
                         CHET
         You sneaky son of a bitch...you want
         to fuck my sister, don't you?
                        
                         WILL
         Chet, I really don't...
                        
                         CHET
         My twin sister!? Which is basically
         like fucking me!
                        
                         WILL
         Hey, if you guys had that twin ESP
         shit this would be a completely
         different situation. There'd be
         logistical problems.
                        
                         CHET
         We look exactly alike!
                        
                         WILL
         You look like a lot of people. You're
         a normal looking dude.
                        
                         CHET
         This is so fucked up I can't even
         begin to process it. How long has
         this been going on?
                        
                         WILL
         If I had to put my finger on
         it...middle school-ish.
                        
                         CHET
         So all those sleepovers, they were
         just some kind of opportunity for
         you to peek in Kate's bedroom?
                        
                         WILL
         It might have happened a few times.
         Most of them were accidental.
                        
                         CHET
         You're a peeping Tom. You realize
         that, don't you? You're a sexual
         fucking deviant.
                        
                         WILL
         Fuck you. I'm as normal as they
         come. Your sister is attractive.
         She excites me, in a sexual way.
         Fucking sue me. Can't we just be
         adults about it?
          23.
                        
                         CHET
          You? An adult? Sort of stretching
          the term.
                        
                         WILL
          Hey, let's not say shit we can't
          take back.
                        
                         CHET
          Take back? Will, you got kicked out
          of junior college for punching a
          professor that made fun of some poem
          you wrote.
                        
                         WILL
          That poem was about your sister!
                        
                         CHET
          That is, literally, the saddest thing
          I have ever heard. Like retards
          playing freeze tag sad. No wonder
          you deliver pizzas for a living.
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck you! Maybe I was just hanging
          out with you for your sister. You
          were always a whiny little bitch.
          And you stuttered. All the kids
          used to call you "Chutter."
                        
                         CHET
          Whatever. I only started hanging out
          with you because you had a Nintendo.
                        
                         WILL
          Did you see my Nintendo naked?
          Because I saw your sister changing
          into her swimsuit at your thirteenth
          birthday pool party. And it was the
          highlight of the whole shitty event.
                        
         Chet bites his lip.
                        
                         CHET
          Okay. You wanna do this?
                        
                         WILL
          I think we already are.
                        
                         CHET
          Well, you know who I saw naked?
          Jenny Rifkin. While I was nailing
          her. The week after she dumped you.
                         (MORE)
          24.
                        
                         CHET (CONT'D)
          Why do you think every time you wanna
          bet on whose cock's bigger I'm always
          willing to go in? 'Cause I know
          mine's bigger. 'Cause she told me!
                        
                         WILL
          Wow...wow. You pulled a Judas on Jenny
          fucking Rifkin. That is messed up.
          Almost as messed up as how I sold your
          Cal Ripken signed ball for 200 bucks.
                        
                         CHET
          My grandpa left me that ball in his
          will! You helped me look for it for
          a month!
                        
                         WILL
          Now you know why we never found it.
                        
         Will bows.
                        
                         WILL
          We done here?
                        
         Chet's face is red with anger.
                        
                         CHET
          Not quite yet. There's actually a
          mystery I wanna solve for you.
                         (BEAT)
          I was the one who told John Tanner
          about how your mom fucked that
          lifeguard. And I always felt awful
          about it, because even though he
          swore secrecy, he told everyone else
          in town. And then your parents wound
          up getting divorced. But now...I
          don't give a shit.
                        
                         WILL
          What!? You ruined...my fucking life!
                        
         Will takes a swing at Chet. He dodges it and puts Will in
         some sort of choke hold.
                        
                         CHET
          Krav Maga, bitch. I bet your poetry
          professor didn't know this shit.
                        
                         WILL
          Get offa me!
                        
                         CHET
          You threw the first punch!
          25.
                        
                         WILL
          I'm gonna break this hold and then
          kick your skinny ass!
                        
                         CHET
          Try it!
                        
         Will flexes and tries to break the choke hold...no luck. He
         wrenches his back away from Chet and screams -
                        
                         WILL
          What the fuck is that!?
                        
                         CHET
          My knuckle in your spine! No holds
          barred you backstabbing fuck!
                        
                         WILL
          I'm gonna pass out...
                        
                         CHET
          Good!
                        
                         WILL
          (face bright red)
          I love her, Chet...I love Kate...
                        
         Chet lets Will go. He drops to the floor, panting.
                        
                         CHET
          Let me tell you something. And it's
          the truest thing you'll ever hear,
          from the person who knows you best
          in the world...you're not good enough
          for my sister. And you never will
          be. You're the lowest common
          denominator, Will. You're the square
          root of fucking zero.
                        
         Will gets to his feet.
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck you...Chutter!
                         (GRABS DICK)
          Square this!
                        
                         CHET
          Get out of my house. You're a shitty
          friend.
                        
                         WILL
          Right back at you.
                        
         Will storms out.
          26.
                        
         EXT. CHET'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
                        
         Will screeches away in his car.
                        
         INT. STUDIO APARTMENT - NIGHT
                        
         A day or so has passed. Will sits on his couch, an unshaven
         mess, watching Lethal Weapon 2. Murtaugh and Riggs laugh
         and joke around. Best buds.
                        
         Will looks like he might cry. He goes for his beer, knocks
         it over. He stares at the growing puddle of beer...then
         grabs the folder with his college applications and uses them
         to sop it up.
                        
         INT. GIORGIO'S TRATTORIA - NIGHT
                        
         Will sits at a table, looking out through the misty window.
                        
         Christopher boxes a pizza and drops it in front of him.
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          Come on, wake up and get to work.
                        
         Christopher hands him the order slip. Will checks the address.
                        
                         WILL
          Where the fuck is this?
                        
                         CHRISTOPHER
          How should I know? It's 30 minutes
          away or the pizza comes out of your
          paycheck. Tick tock.
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         Will's Mustang travels down a dark, empty stretch of highway.
         The lone working taillight fades as the car disappears into
         the distance.
                        
         EXT. SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         The Mustang stops at the mouth of a driveway. Overgrown
         shrubbery blocks anything beyond it from view. All that
         Will can see is a red and white radio tower jutting into the
         sky, beacon light flashing atop it.
                        
         Will checks the address, then drives through the open gate.
                        
         EXT. RADIO TOWER - NIGHT
                        
         The Mustang parks at the end of the driveway. Will gets out.
                        
         There is a large storage shed and, across a clearing, a radio
         tower built on top of a small office structure.
          27.
                        
         The office door is ajar. Florescent light glows from inside.
                        
                         WILL
          Hello?
                        
          DWAYNE (O.S.)
          (calling back from beyond door)
          Hey, bud! Sorry for the hike! The
          county's got us doing repairs at the
          ass end of the night!
                        
         This puts Will at ease. He heads toward the office. As he
         gets close, a figure appears in the doorway. It is Dwayne
                        
         WEARING A SCARY FUCKING GORILLA MASK
                        
                         WILL
          What the -
                        
         Will hears something behind him and whirls around -
                        
         To find Jay, also in a gorilla mask, charging at him.
                        
                         WILL
          Holy fuck!
                        
         Will makes a run for it. But the guys are on top of him in
         no time. He madly fights them off and dashes for his car.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Stop! We got a gun, you asshole!
                        
         Will breaks toward the cover of the shrubbery.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Fuck! Get him!
                        
         Jay is right on Will's tail. Without breaking stride, Jay
         picks up a large branch and wings it at him.
                        
         Will is hit in the legs and stumbles over himself. Jay leaps
         on top of him and locks his skinny legs around Will's body.
                        
                         WILL
          What the hell!?
          (at a loss)
          Rape!
                        
         Jay wrestles something from his pocket. A chloroform soaked
         rag. He presses it hard against Will's mouth and nose.
         Will soon goes limp.
                        
         Dwayne appears, looming above them. He pulls his gorilla
         mask back and smiles.
          28.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Step one.
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
         Blurry vision coming into focus. Two gorillas.
                        
         EXT. RADIO TOWER - DAY
                        
         Whereas the masks looked scary at night, they look ridiculous
         now. Will is propped up on the hood of his car, staring at
         his captors. His mouth is duct taped, hands bound behind his
         back. He wears his "Giorgio's" cap and a buttoned up olive
         green Army jacket.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You thought we were gonna rape you.
                         (CHUCKLES)
          Idiot.
                        
         Will mumbles something through the duct tape.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Just shut up. The tape is there for
          a reason. 'Cause this next part is
          gonna take a measure of calm. Are
          you with me? Can you be calm?
                        
         Will nods. Dwayne holds up his driver license.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Will Dixon, of 112 North Whatever-
          The-Fuck Street, right now you are
          wearing an explosive vest.
                        
         Will looks down at the jacket he is wearing, tries to get
         his hands loose so he can tear it open.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Calm the fuck down!
                        
         Will stiffens. For emphasis, Dwayne reveals the gun tucked
         down the front of his pants like a big metal cock.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Now stay still and my associate will
          show you.
                        
         Jay carefully unbuttons the Army jacket. Will is, in fact,
         wearing an explosive vest. It is a cobbled together but
         intimidating looking contraption, crisscrossed by multicolored
         wires. There is a thick lock at the hinge, with a digital
         display and a keypad.
                        
         Will begins to hyperventilate.
          29.
                        
                         JAY
          Take it easy, man. You're fine. I
          built this thing. It's pretty stable.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          For a fucking bomb. So don't trip
          over your shoelaces or anything.
          That thing's full of C-4. And the C
          is for chaos.
                        
                         JAY
          Actually, the C stands for "composite."
          But, yeah, I'd try not to slam into
          stuff.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Can I take that tape off now, pizza boy?
                        
         Will nods. Dwayne rips the duct tape off his mouth.
                        
                         WILL
          Help!
                        
         Dwayne chuckles.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You know where you are? You might
          as well be in space, motherfucker.
          Nobody can hear you scream.
                        
                         WILL
          Why are you doing this to me? I
          don't have any money.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Not yet. But you're gonna go get us
          some.
                        
                         WILL
          Okay. Sure, man. Whatever you say.
          I'll go sell my car. I'll get you
          like a thousand bucks.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I want 100 thousand.
                        
                         WILL
          Where the fuck am I supposed to get
          that much money?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          The Donner-Wells National Bank on
          Charles Road.
          30.
                        
                         JAY
          Across the street from the Olive
          Garden.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yeah, the one across the street from
          the Olive Garden.
                        
                         WILL
          Do you guys have an account or
          something?
                        
         Dwayne shakes his head like Will is an idiot.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          No, I don't have an account! You're
          gonna rob it!
                        
                         WILL
          How the fuck am I supposed to rob a
          bank?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Figure it out. You got a bomb strapped
          to your chest. That's a start. It'll
          scare the fuck outta people. Maybe
          use your brain and go get a gun.
          Borrow one from a friend for all I
          care. It ain't rocket science.
                        
                         WILL
          Then do it yourself.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I would, but I'm already wearing
          this gorilla mask and you're already
          wearing that bomb.
                         (TO JAY)
          Tell him about the vest.
                        
         Jay turns to Will.
                        
                         JAY
          You seem like a pretty trustworthy
          guy. I mean, you got a job and all.
          But just in case you were gonna try
          to take the vest off, we booby trapped
          it to shit. There's also a remote
          detonator on the back, so we can
          trigger it by dialing a number.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          And it's on speed dial. So do what
          you gotta do, but we'll be watching.
                         (MORE)
          31.
                        
                         DWAYNE (CONT'D)
          You go anywhere near a police station,
          and Fourth of July comes early this
          year.
                        
         Dwayne nods at the timer on the side of the vest.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It's 9:00 AM. You got 8 hours.
                        
         He hands Will a slip of paper.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Once you have the money, call this
          number and you'll be given instructions
          on where to drop it. You do good, we
          give you the six-digit combination
          that stops the timer and opens the
          lock. Tomorrow morning, you can go
          back to delivering pizza, the mail,
          whatever the fuck you want.
                         (BEAT)
          Now let me demonstrate what happens
          if you don't get us the money.
                        
         Dwayne looks over to where an oversized stuffed bear, rigged
         with its own bomb vest, sits on a tree stump 20 yards away.
         Dwayne mimes answering a phone -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Hey, Teddy Ruxpin...what's that?
          You don't have the money? It was
          too tough to rob the bank, so you
          just went back to your bear cave and
          cried like a bitch? Well, guess
          what my stuffed friend...time is up.
                        
         Jay pushes a button on a detonator. Teddy Ruxpin explodes.
         All that remains is a cloud of stuffing.
                        
         Will is frozen in fear.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I liked that bear. I don't even
          know you.
                        
         Dwayne throws Will his car keys.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Go on. Get outta here.
                        
                         WILL
          Guys, can we please just talk about
          this?
          32.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yeah, of course we can.
                        
         Dwayne pulls out the gun and fires two shots at Will's feet.
         Jay jumps backward, as does Will, who hits the hood of his
         car, slides across it and onto the ground by the driver side.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Be careful!
                        
         Will awkwardly gets to his feet and arranges himself in the
         car, adjusting to the weight of the bomb. As he starts the
         engine and backs away -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That's right! Get the fuck out of
          here! You're wasting time!
                        
         Once the car is gone, Jay yanks off his gorilla mask. Dwayne
         stays primate.
                        
                         JAY
          What the hell, Dwayne? You told me
          that was a replica gun.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It was. Then I paid a Mexican 50
          bucks to put a firing pin in it.
          Now it goes boom.
                        
                         JAY
          We didn't discuss a loaded gun!
          Especially not with the bomb around!
                        
         Dwayne gets right in Jay's face. The plastic eyes of his
         mask betray no emotion.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Don't you ever question me. I'm
          fucking this bitch. You're just
          holding the camera.
                        
                         JAY
                         (VOICE FALTERS)
          Sure, Dwayne...whatever you say.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Good. 'Cause this ain't the Marines.
          This is cash money. You hesitate, you
          fuck up...and I will leave you behind.
                        
         A tense beat. Dwayne pulls his mask off. He looks oddly calm.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Let's go get some breakfast.
          33.
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
                        
         Will's car flies down the road. It screeches to a stop,
         tires smoking. Will jumps out, stumbles to the shoulder and
         pukes. He drops to his knees.
                        
                         WILL
          Oh, god! Holy shit! Fuck me!
          Someone please fucking help me!
                        
         Nothing but the wind.
                        
         Will fights back tears. He gets to his feet, wipes his mouth.
         He takes out his cell phone, scrolls through the contacts.
         He pauses on Chet's name...presses send.
                        
         The line goes to voicemail. Will looks at the bomb's timer:
         7 hours, 47 minutes and counting. He hurries to his car.
                        
         INT. CLASSROOM, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                        
         A laser dot dances around the middle of a United States map.
                        
         Chet is teaching a history lesson to a bunch of SEVENTH
         GRADERS that look very mature and very bored. As he indicates
         with his laser pointer -
                        
                         CHET
          This whole region here, about 830
          thousand square miles, was part of
          the initial Louisiana Purchase.
                        
                         SEVENTH GRADER
                         (COUGHING)
          Nice laser.
                        
         The class giggles. Chet, embarrassed, puts away the pointer.
                        
         There is a knock at the door. Chet turns to see Will's face
         in the door's window pane. He looks back to his class.
                        
                         CHET
          Take out your workbooks. Chapter 3.
                        
         Chet opens the door.
                        
                         CHET
          What do you want?
                        
                         WILL
          We gotta talk.
                        
                         CHET
          I'm working here. Do not mess with
          me at work.
          34.
                        
                         WILL
          Chet, for the love of god, just talk
          to me in private for one minute.
                        
         Chet sighs.
                        
         INT. HALLWAY, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                        
         Chet leads a jumpy Will into
                        
         INT. EMPTY CLASSROOM, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                        
         Chet shuts the door behind them. Will paces.
                        
                         CHET
          You wanna apologize, don't you? You
          look like shit. You've probably
          been up for days thinking about what
          an asshole you were. Well, it's
          gonna take a lot more than some
          pathetic groveling -
                        
                         WILL
                         (SUDDENLY)
          Chet! Shut up! I don't wanna
          apologize to you!
                        
                         CHET
          Then what do you want? Because we
          don't have anything left to say to
          each other.
                        
         Will swallows hard.
                        
                         WILL
          Here goes. And this is gonna sound
          crazy. Because it is fucking crazy.
          But last night two guys in masks
          jumped me and strapped a bomb to my
          chest, and now I have less than eight
          hours to rob a bank.
                        
         Chet just stares at Will, unimpressed.
                        
                         CHET
          You're hysterical. Got me. Great
          joke. I'm going back to work now.
                        
         Will steps in Chet's way. He unbuttons his jacket, revealing
         the bomb.
                        
                         CHET
          What the fuck? Is that real?
                        
         Will nods.
          35.
                        
         Chet jumps backward, stumbles over a desk and scurries on
         his ass to the other end of the classroom. He presses himself
         flat against the wall.
                        
                         CHET
          Stay away from me! What the fuck
          are you involved in!? Terrorism!?
                        
                         WILL
          Chet, do you really think I'm a
          terrorist?
                        
                         CHET
          Yes! One of the dumb ones! The
          ones they convince to wear the bombs!
                        
                         WILL
          I am not fucking around here. Two
          guys did this to me. And if I don't
          rob that bank in time this thing is
          gonna blow.
                        
                         CHET
          Seriously?
                        
                         WILL
          Seriously.
                        
                         CHET
          And your first idea was to come to a
          school filled with young children?
                        
                         WILL
          I didn't -
                        
                         CHET
          Just back the fuck away from me with
          that thing.
                        
         Will backs all the way up, so that the guys are on opposite
         ends of the classroom.
                        
                         WILL
          Listen, I think the vest is safe for
          now. These guys don't want me to
          blow myself up on accident before I
          get their money.
                        
                         CHET
          Oh, so you figure the two psychopaths
          that rigged a bomb to your chest
          made sure it was safe? There's no
          margin for error in their fucking
          bomb vest design!?
          36.
                        
                         WILL
          I don't know! All I do know is that
          this is real. This is happening.
          And I'm sure you hate me as much as
          I hate you right now, but I have
          nowhere else to go.
                        
                         CHET
          For what?
                        
                         WILL
          For help, Chet. I need your help.
          Please. I can't do this alone.
                        
         Chet looks Will over. His desperation is palpable. Chet
         bites his lip, weighing the situation...
                        
                         CHET
          Damn it!
          (takes a breath)
          I'd like to tell you to get fucked,
          but you know what the problem is...I'm
          a better man than you. And someday,
          I might actually forgive you. So if
          I let you blow up, or whatever, that
          shit might come back and eat at my
          conscience, and totally affect my
          relationships with other people.
          Like my wife and kids and shit.
                        
                         WILL
          That's a...very rational way to look
          at the situation.
                         (GENUINELY)
          And you're right, about being a better
          guy than me.
                        
         Chet takes a step toward Will.
                        
                         CHET
          Are you sure that thing isn't gonna
          blow at any second?
                        
         Will just looks at Chet...unable to offer any assurance.
         After a beat -
                        
                         CHET
          Could you just walk a few feet in
          front of me for a while?
                        
                         WILL
          I can do that.
                        
         Will opens the door, stops, looks back at Chet.
          37.
                        
                         WILL
          Thank you.
                        
         Will heads out. Chet takes a breath, bracing himself.
                        
         INT. HALLWAY, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                        
         Will walks down the empty hallway. He glances back over his
         shoulder, where Chet walks several feet behind him.
                        
                         CHET
          Yes, I'm still here. I really am
          this stupid. Just pay attention to
          where you're going.
                        
                         WILL
          I think I can handle it.
                        
                         CHET
          These floors get waxed once a week.
          On Tuesday, which today is. You hit
          a slick patch, trip and fall, and I
          got a classroom full of kids wearing
          their skin inside out.
                        
                         WILL
          Chet, I'm fucking nervous enough as
          it is. Please. I don't need you
          back seat driving me right now.
                        
                         CHET
          Obviously.
                        
         Will stops, turns back toward Chet.
                        
                         WILL
          Just for the record, this isn't a
          nuclear weapon strapped to my chest.
          And there are metal lockers on either
          side of the hallway. If I fall, and
          if this thing goes off, I'm probably
          not taking out the whole school.
                        
                         CHET
          Do you really want to debate this?
                        
         Will sighs, turns back around. A second later, the school
         bell rings and kids flood the hallway, changing classes.
                        
         Will freezes. Multiple kids shove past him. Chet sweats
         bullets, gives Will a look of death.
                        
         After a beat, the hallway empties again.
          38.
                        
                         CHET
          You're an asshole.
                        
                         WILL
          Whatever. It's over.
                        
         Will continues walking. He tries to lighten the mood -
                        
                         WILL
          Who was the chick in the white jeans?
                        
                         CHET
          Kristi Evans. Why?
                        
                         WILL
          You know why.
                        
                         CHET
          Oh, come on. Just keep walking.
                        
         The guys' voices fade as they continue down the hallway...
                        
                         WILL
          Come on yourself. You knew exactly
          who I was talking about.
                        
                         CHET
          Fuck you. She's in the eighth grade.
                        
                         WILL
          I bet you love it when she calls you
          Mr. Chet.
                        
                         CHET
          She doesn't call me "Mr. Chet."
          She's not a foreigner.
                        
         EXT. JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                        
         The guys get to Will's car. Chet wraps up a call on his cell -
                        
                         CHET
          ...thanks so much, Mrs. Davis. I'll
          call you after I talk to the doctor.
                        
         Chet hangs up. He is standing by the passenger door. He
         looks over the roof of the car at Will.
                        
                         CHET
          So, this is it?
                        
                         WILL
          This is what?
          39.
                        
                         CHET
          Once I step inside this car, I'm
          basically in a steel coffin with you
          and...that thing. And if it goes
          off, all they're gonna find in there
          are two charred bodies and pieces of
          a bomb. They'll assume we were driving
          to a government building to blow it
          up. It'll be all over the news.
          Next thing you now, some militia or
          Islam group is claiming us as members.
          My family will be humiliated.
                        
                         WILL
          We'll also be dead, in that particular
          situation, so it won't really matter.
                        
                         CHET
          Exactly!
                        
         Will sighs.
                        
                         WILL
          I get it. Take your time, man.
                        
         Will gets in the car and shuts the door. He looks out at
         Chet, who stands uncertainly by the passenger side.
                        
                         CHET
          This is the world's biggest favor,
          you motherfucker. You didn't even
          help me move last winter.
                        
         Chet reluctantly hops in.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY
                        
         Will fires up the engine.
                        
                         CHET
          Given the situation, I think you
          should obey all traffic safety laws.
                        
                         WILL
          Fine.
                        
         Will pulls out of the school parking lot.
                        
                         WILL
          Okay, so where are we going?
                        
                         CHET
          I have no idea. I just got in your
          car. I thought you had a plan.
          40.
                        
                         WILL
          Well, I don't! I've been sorta
          preoccupied with this crushing fear
          of death!
                        
                         CHET
          No plan. I can't say I'm surprised.
                        
                         WILL
          Your plan is probably better. Just
          condescend me until I explode.
                        
         Will goes to turn on the radio. Chet grabs his hand.
                        
                         CHET
          Maybe we should turn on the radio.
          See if the signal sets the bomb off.
          That would be an interesting experiment.
                        
         Will heaves a frustrated sigh. Chet eases up.
                        
                         CHET
          Listen, let's just go back to my
          place. Figure out our options.
          Maybe you can get the vest off or
          something. I just don't want to do
          anything stupid.
                        
                         WILL
          Unless we have to.
                        
         The car hits a rough pothole. Chet's heart skips a beat -
                        
                         CHET
          Holy fucking shit!
                        
         - and he throws himself against the passenger side window,
         as far from Will as the confines of the car will allow.
                        
         Will slams the brakes.
                        
                         WILL
          Stop it! You're scaring the fuck
          out of me!
                        
                         CHET
          Okay. Okay. Fuck!
                        
         Chet makes the sign of the cross.
                        
                         CHET
          I'm cool now.
                        
         Will continues driving. Chet discreetly unlocks the passenger
         side door.
          41.
                        
                         WILL
          Why did you do that?
                        
                         CHET
          Do what?
                        
                         WILL
          I saw you.
                        
                         CHET
          It's in case I have to jump out.
                        
                         WILL
          If I survive the day, and you don't
          because you jumped out of a moving
          car and broke your neck, I'm gonna
          laugh my ass off.
                        
                         CHET
          And if abandoning ship saves my life,
          then that laugh will be mine.
                        
         The guys continue driving in silence.
                        
         SUPER COUNTDOWN: 6 hours, 59 minutes...
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
         INT. BATHROOM, CHET'S APARTMENT - DAY
                        
         The door is shut. Will sits on the toilet lid. He has the
         jacket off and we get our first complete look at the vest.
         The actual structure is composed of hollow metal tubes. The
         wiring that runs throughout the vest is messy and complicated,
         purposely so, to scare anyone out of fucking with it.
                        
         Will is in the process of trying to contort his arm so he
         can slide the vest off...no luck.
                        
                         WILL
          It's too tight!
                        
         He is calling off toward the
                        
                        KITCHEN
                        
         Where Chet is crouched in a corner, at the furthest point in
         the furthest room from the bathroom. He uses his laptop to
         look for websites on disarming a bomb.
                        
                         CHET
          What if we try to separate your
          shoulder?
          42.
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          Fuck you!
                        
                         CHET
          Well, all these sites say different
          shit. There's not a lot of consensus
          in the bomb disarming community.
                        
         Will emerges from the bathroom, sliding the jacket back on.
                        
                         WILL
          This is pointless.
                        
         Chet shuts his laptop.
                        
                         CHET
          I agree. We gotta call the cops,
          have them fly in the bomb squad or
          something.
                        
                         WILL
          We can't. These guys said they'd be
          following me. And I don't have a
          clue what they look like. For all I
          know, they're outside right now.
          They see the cops show up, they blow
          the vest and cut their losses.
                        
         Will stares at Chet, hopelessly overwhelmed.
                        
                         WILL
          What do I do, man? What do I do now?
                        
                         CHET
          I don't know, Will...I guess you
          gotta rob the bank.
                        
                         WILL
          I haven't been inside a bank in three
          years! How the fuck am I supposed
          to rob one!? They wouldn't even
          give me a savings account!
                        
         Will drops onto the couch and puts his head in his hands,
         fighting hysterics. Chet offers a stock reassurance -
                        
                         CHET
          It's gonna be okay.
                        
                         WILL
          No, it's not! I'm gonna blow up!
          That's way worse than getting stabbed
          or shot. At least some people survive
          that. No one survives being blown
          up.
                         (MORE)
          43.
                        
                         WILL (CONT'D)
          No one is ever like, "Yeah, I heard
          Steve got blown up, tough break, but
          how's he doing now? Is he still in
          the Rec basketball league?" No of
          course he isn't, 'cause there's nothing
          left of Steve except a stain on the
          wall and a pair of fucking high tops!
                        
         Chet looks on as his friend begins to sob. It's a crushing
         sight. Chet strides across the apartment -
                        
                         CHET
          Pull yourself together!
                        
         - and attempts to give him one of those "get a grip" slaps.
         But Will flinches and Chet slaps him right on the ear.
                        
                         WILL
          Ow! Fuck! I think you popped my
          eardrum.
                        
                         CHET
          Sorry. Shit. I didn't mean to do
          that. But just listen to me now.
          You're not gonna die. You wanna
          know why? Because you know exactly
          how to rob a bank.
                        
                         WILL
          What are you talking about?
                        
                         CHET
          Point Break.
                        
                         WILL
          The movie?
                        
                         CHET
          Yes. That movie is like a how-to
          guide for bank robberies. You just
          bust in. Masks. Guns. Move fast.
          Stick to the tellers and don't bother
          with the vault.
                        
                         WILL
          Yeah...I guess it's pretty simple,
          right? And it's just a local bank.
          The Donner-Wells on Charles Road.
                        
                         CHET
          Really? I applied for a job there
          like a year ago.
          44.
                        
                         WILL
          You wanted to be a teller?
                        
                         CHET
          Yeah, so what? It's a good job.
          You get benefits.
                        
                         WILL
          Like what, a name tag?
                        
                         CHET
          What kind of benefits do you get?
          Free toppings?
                        
                         WILL
          That's really clever. No one ever
          said that shit to me before. Anyway,
          this is perfect. You know the whole
          layout of the bank.
                        
                         CHET
          Not exactly. They didn't hand me
          the security schematics with the
          application. But I sat in the waiting
          area for like 20 minutes. I know
          what the place looks like.
                        
                         WILL
          How many guards?
                        
                         CHET
          One. I think.
                        
                         WILL
          That's a start.
                        
                         CHET
          It's a great start. You can do it.
                        
         Will pauses.
                        
                         WILL
          You're gonna do it with me, right?
                        
                         CHET
          I was actually gonna stick to giving
          tips, ideas...motivational speeches.
          More of a consultant or advisory role.
                        
                         WILL
          Jesus Christ, Chet. Please. I'm
          begging you here. I need you on
          this. If I do it alone, I'm dead.
          45.
                        
                         CHET
          Are you gonna cry again?
                        
                         WILL
          That was a moment of weakness.
                         (BEAT)
          Yes. I'll fucking cry again if that's
          what it takes.
                        
                         CHET
          I should make you blow me.
                        
                         WILL
          Sure. Whip that shit out. I'm
          actually kinda curious. I wanna see
          if Jenny Rifkin lied to you. She
          obviously lied to me.
                        
         Chet cracks a smile.
                        
                         WILL
          All these guys want is 100 grand.
          We can do this.
                        
                         CHET
          We're gonna rob a bank for 100 grand?
          Just leave the rest of the money
          sitting there? Why?
                        
                         WILL
          I don't know. I guess they're very
          modest criminals. Who the fuck cares?
          Wait...you said "we" right?
                        
         Chet heaves a sigh.
                        
                         CHET
          I'm putting my life on the line for
          100 grand...what does 100 grand even
          buy these days?
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
         THE GRILLE OF A MURDERED OUT 1997 NISSAN SENTRA
                        
         As the car pulls into
                        
         EXT. BACK PARKING LOT, DIVE STRIP CLUB - DAY
                        
         Where Juicy waits by the service entrance, smoking a
         cigarette. She spots the car and runs over. It parks and
         the door opens. A glassy-eyed African-American man (30s)
         steps out. His muscled body is covered in calligraphic prison
         ink. This is VAUGHN.
          46.
                        
         Juicy throws her arms around him.
                        
                         JUICY
          I missed you so much, baby.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          You don't got enough dicks to keep
          you warm in that place?
                        
                         JUICY
          You know it's not like that. Those
          guys get Juicy, but you get Marisol.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Well, Marisol...what I want is to
          get my money, kill that old ass man,
          then get the fuck out of here.
                        
                         JUICY
          Then that's how it's gonna go. We're
          just waiting on a call.
                        
         Vaughn stares at her.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          This is my impatient face.
                        
                         JUICY
          Well, I think I can keep you
          entertained.
                        
         Juicy gets in the open driver side door and makes a show of
         crawling over into the passenger seat.
                        
         INT. WALMART - DAY
                        
         Fluorescent lights and pop music. Will and Chet roam the
         aisles with a full shopping basket. They turn into the
         "Sports & Fitness" section, where they find a variety of air
         pistols. They are incredibly realistic, though clear and
         with orange nozzles.
                        
                         WILL
          Should we go with the handguns...or
          the Uzis?
                        
                         CHET
          Handguns.
                        
                         WILL
          That's such a Murtaugh choice.
                        
                         CUT TO:
          47.
                        
         A check out conveyor belt, as the guys' purchases drift past:
         air pistols, spray paint, ski masks, leather gloves, several
         5-Hour Energy drinks.
                        
         The tough REGISTER WOMAN looks at the guys with abject disgust.
                        
                         REGISTER WOMAN
          You sure you don't want to grab some
          condoms?
                        
                         WILL
          Uh, no. Why?
                        
                         REGISTER WOMAN
          Because this is usually what men buy
          before they rape someone, and I want
          to make sure you all use protection.
                        
                         WILL
          Lady, we're just...buying some stuff.
                        
                         REGISTER WOMAN
          Is that cash or credit for your rape
          kit?
                        
         Will looks in his empty wallet, takes out a credit card.
         Chet grabs his hand.
                        
                         CHET
          We'll pay cash.
                        
         INT. MINIVAN - DAY
                        
         The van is parked. Dwayne sits behind the wheel. Metallica's
         "Ride the Lightning" begins to play loudly.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You really fucked up this mix tape.
                        
         Dwayne ejects the tape, tosses it at Jay in the passenger seat.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          We're not speed freaks knocking off
          a 7-Eleven. We're masterminding a
          heist here.
                        
                         JAY
          Sorry, Dwayne. That song just means
          a lot to me.
                        
         Dwayne shakes his head. He turns and looks out the windshield:
         they're parked in the Walmart lot, watching the store entrance.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I wish he would hurry his shit up.
          48.
                        
                         JAY
          You worried about that other guy
          he's with?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          No, man. He picked him up at a
          school. So long as there ain't any
          cops, he can take the whole town
          with him. I just want my money.
                        
         Dwayne surveys the area. Something catches his attention:
         the bland strip mall across the street. There's a Blockbuster,
         Subway, and an empty space in between. Dwayne smiles.
                        
                         JAY
          What? You want me to run over to
          Subway, get us a couple sandwiches?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          If you had any vision, Jay, you'd
          know exactly what I'm thinking about
          right now. And it's not a sandwich.
                         (BEAT)
          Look how well trafficked that shopping
          mall is. It's the perfect place for
          the tanning salon.
                        
         Jay checks it out, nods.
                        
                         JAY
          Oh, you're totally right.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I've been thinking about it, and I
          want you to start off working the
          counter. Sounds like a demotion, I
          know, but it's an important position.
          Because we're gonna be using code
          words and shit. For example, if a
          customer walks in and says he wants a
          tan, that just means he wants a tan.
          But if he says he wants a "deluxe
          tan," that means a blow job and you
          gotta get one of the girls in there
          to suck him off. You with me?
                        
                         JAY
          So far. But what if he wants a fuck?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          There's gonna be codes for everything:
          missionary, anal, black chicks. I
          got it all written down back home in
          my files.
                         (MORE)
          49.
                        
                         DWAYNE (CONT'D)
          I'm not gonna bother getting into it
          with you right now, because you're
          supposed to be on lookout and you're
          no good at multitasking.
                        
                         JAY
          Okay. 'Cause they're about to get
          away.
                        
         Dwayne spots the Mustang pulling away.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Fuck.
                        
         He throws the van into gear.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Will navigates the streets. Chet is in the back seat, where
         he has newspaper spread out and is spray painting the air
         pistols, and much of the car, black.
                        
                         WILL
          Be careful, you're getting paint
          everywhere.
                        
                         CHET
          Are you really worried about your
          upholstery right now?
                        
                         WILL
          Yes, because if I survive this shit
          I'm quitting my job. That means
          I'll probably have to give up my
          place and I'll be sleeping in the
          back of my car, which you're covering
          in toxic paint.
                        
         Chet touches up one of the guns, goes to flip it over.
                        
                         WILL
          That side isn't dry yet. You're
          about to ruin it.
                        
                         CHET
          It says it's fast drying.
                        
                         WILL
          Fast isn't the same as instant. You
          gotta let it sit for like 20 minutes.
                        
                         CHET
          How would you know? You do a lot of
          graffiti?
          50.
                        
                         WILL
          No, but I spray painted my bike last
          year after I got my license suspended.
          I didn't let it dry properly and I
          fucked it up.
                        
                         CHET
          We don't have time to sit around and
          literally watch paint dry. Aren't
          we going straight to the bank?
                        
                         WILL
          I was actually thinking we need to
          stop and steal a car first.
                        
         Chet drops the spray paint, whirls on Will.
                        
                         CHET
          What? No way! We've got a car.
                        
                         WILL
          Yeah, my car. I'm not gonna use it
          as a getaway vehicle. They can trace
          the plates. Even if we do get away,
          we'll be arrested.
                        
                         CHET
          Well, I can't hotwire a fucking
          automobile, and neither can you.
                        
                         WILL
          That's why I was thinking we'd steal
          one from your parents' friends. The
          Fishers. Remember how they used to
          pay us to clean their garage? They
          leave the keys in there. And they
          have a Datsun. That's a fast car.
                        
                         CHET
          I'm not stealing the Fishers' Datsun.
          Let's steal a car from your parents'
          friends.
                        
         Will seethes. He whips the car over to the side of the road
         and gets in Chet's face.
                        
                         WILL
          What friends? My parents don't have
          any. My dad moved away after your
          big mouth ruined his marriage and
          humiliated him, and no one wanted to
          hang out with the mom who everyone
          knew fucked a lifeguard.
          51.
                        
                         CHET
          You never should have told me! I
          was 13 years old. I couldn't process
          that kind of information. I had to
          tell someone else.
          (shakes his head)
          Fuck. I really am sorry about it.
          Okay? Despite what I said before.
          I was just a kid, but I messed up.
                        
                         WILL
          Okay.
                        
         Chet looks at Will, expectantly.
                        
                         CHET
          That's it? You're not gonna apologize
          for selling my Cal Ripken ball?
                        
                         WILL
          Sure. I'm sorry...I'm sorry that my
          family was going through a rough patch
          and I was smoking a ton of weed and
          listening to the Wu Tang Clan all the
          time. And that I needed some extra
          dough to indulge my habit. Which, in
          hindsight, was probably just a cry
          for help. But you never even noticed.
                        
                         CHET
          Thanks. Now I feel even worse.
                        
         Will sits there, stewing for a moment. Then he softens -
                        
                         WILL
          I shouldn't have stolen the ball. I
          knew it was wrong and I regretted it
          like the next day. I actually tried
          to buy it back but the guy wanted
          twice as much. I had to smoke even
          more weed just to get past the whole
          shitty incident. I guess that's why
          they call it a downward spiral.
                        
                         CHET
          I appreciate that you tried to buy
          it back. So, thanks.
                        
         An awkward moment passes.
                        
                         CHET
          We should probably get going.
                        
         Will turns back around, goes to pull out without looking and -
          52.
                        
         A horn blares as a speeding delivery truck barrels right at
         them. Will slams the brakes, barely avoiding a collision.
                        
                         CHET
          Fuck! Fuck! I just want this goddamn
          day to be over!
                        
         As Chet continues to freak -
                        
         SUPER COUNTDOWN: 5 hours, 15 minutes...
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
         EXT. THE FISHERS' GARAGE - DAY
                        
         Will keeps watch of the house. Chet squeezes through a garage
         window he has pried open.
                        
         INT. THE FISHERS' GARAGE - DAY
                        
         Chet drops ungracefully to the floor, right beside a well
         maintained 1977 Datsun 240Z.
                        
         Chet hurries over and unlocks the side door. Will enters,
         hauling the Walmart bag of supplies. He goes right for a
         set of hooks on the wall.
                        
                         WILL
          The keys aren't here. They always
          used to leave the keys out.
                        
                         CHET
          Yeah. When we were teenagers. This
          is fucked.
                        
                         WILL
          Let's just find them.
                        
         The guys ransack the garage. Chet knocks over a shelf full
         of clutter.
                        
                         CHET
          Sorry.
                        
         Will goes to the car and tries the handle. It's open. He
         scours the interior.
                        
                         CHET
          You hear that?
                        
                         WILL
          What?
                        
         Chet peeks through the glass pane in the door.
          53.
                        
                         CHET
          Mr. Fisher is coming!
                        
         As he looks for an escape -
                        
                         CHET
          Oh shit, oh shit. Are the keys in there?
                        
                         WILL
          No!
                        
         Will hops out of the car. He rifles through the Walmart bag.
                        
                         CHET
          What are you doing?
                        
         Will pulls the ski masks out of the bag, along with one of
         the freshly painted air pistols.
                        
                         WILL
          I'm doing what I have to.
                        
         Will puts a ski mask on, then throws one to Chet. The door
         opens and MR. FISHER (60s) enters. Chet quickly pulls down
         his mask. It's backwards.
                        
         Will levels the pistol -
                        
          MR. FISHER
          Oh, Jesus!
                        
         Mr. Fisher braces himself against a wall. Chet fumbles to
         turn his mask around. Will affects a deep voice -
                        
                         WILL
          Where are the car keys?
                        
          MR. FISHER
          They're in my pocket! I'm just
          reaching in my pocket for the keys!
                        
                         WILL
          Quiet down and do it already.
                        
         Mr. Fisher reaches into his pocket and produces the keys.
         They jingle as he holds them out in his trembling hand.
         Will snatches them.
                        
                         WILL
          Now listen, I don't want you to report
          this car stolen or anything until
          later tonight. Let's say 5 o'clock.
          6 to be safe.
          54.
                        
          MR. FISHER
          Sure. Anything you say.
                        
         Will seems unconvinced. He looks to Chet, who shrugs. Will
         turns back to Mr. Fisher and gestures violently with the gun -
                        
                         WILL
          If you fuck with us, I swear, I
          will...I will shoot your son. Taylor.
          I know where he works. At the fucking
          travel agency. He's the douchebag
          with the bangs.
                        
          MR. FISHER
                         (STUNNED)
          Please no. I won't do anything. I
          won't. Just leave Taylor alone.
                        
                         WILL
          I'm gonna trust you. But if you
          call the police, there's gonna be an
          undertaker styling his stupid fucking
          bangs!
                         (BEAT)
          Now open the garage door.
                        
         Mr. Fisher hits a switch that raises the garage door. Chet
         grabs their stuff and gets in the passenger side. Will backs
         toward the driver side.
                        
                         WILL
          The car's insured, right?
                        
         Mr. Fisher nods.
                        
                         WILL
          Okay. I feel better. Worse comes
          to worst, something happens to it,
          you can get a Honda. This thing
          doesn't even have airbags.
                        
          MR. FISHER
          Please, just go.
                        
         Will slides into the car and starts it up.
                        
         EXT. THE FISHERS' GARAGE - DAY
                        
         The car peels away.
                        
         INT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                        
         The guys yank off their ski masks.
          55.
                        
                         CHET
          That old man's got a heart condition!
          You could have killed him!
                        
                         WILL
          My hand was forced!
                        
         Chet tries to get comfortable in the seat.
                        
                         CHET
          Awesome. I'm stuck inside an even
          smaller car with you and a bomb.
                        
         Will works the manual transmission. He steps on the gas.
                        
                         WILL
          This thing's got some pickup.
                        
                         CHET
          Could you just take it easy, we're
          doing fine on time.
                        
                         WILL
          I know...but there's one last stop
          we have to make.
                        
                         CHET
          Do you have to take a piss first?
          Because I do.
                        
         Will nervously drums his fingers on the steering wheel, trying
         to figure out how to say -
                        
                         WILL
          I need to see your sister.
                        
                         CHET
          Are you for real? Did you really
          just ask me that? You salt-in-an-
          open-wound motherfucker!
                        
                         WILL
          Chet, as if it isn't apparent, I may
          die today. I'll probably die today.
          And if there's one small thing that's
          clear to me now, it's that I've wasted
          two and a half decades as a pussy,
          watching everything I want pass me
          by. I don't wanna peace out of this
          world as a pussy. I need to tell
          her how I feel.
                        
                         CHET
          You're really gonna turn this into
          some sort of dying wish bullshit?
          56.
                        
                         WILL
          Yes, I really am. It means that much
          to me. I am not fucking around here.
                        
                         CHET
          I don't think you are. I mean,
          apparently, you love my sister so
          much that you're willing to put her
          life in danger by going to see her
          with a bomb strapped to your chest.
                        
                         WILL
          She won't be in danger. I promise.
          I got it all worked out. And you
          can even take a piss while I'm inside.
                        
         EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                        
         The Datsun pulls around and parks in back.
                        
         PULL BACK TO REVEAL the minivan parking across the street.
                        
         INT. MINIVAN - DAY
                        
         Dwayne and Jay watch Will hurry out of the Datsun.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Where the fuck is he going? What's in
          there? Some sort of FBI headquarters?
          I told that guy not to fuck around!
                        
         Dwayne pulls out his cell phone, punches in the speed dial
         code. His finger hovers above the send button.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Maybe I should give that bomb a call.
                        
                         JAY
          No! Let me just go see what he's up to.
                        
         Dwayne smirks.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I was just fucking around. Are you
          gay for this guy or something?
                        
                         JAY
          I just wanna get the money, Dwayne.
          Same as you.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          All right. Then man up and go check
          it out.
                        
         As Jay reaches for the door handle -
          57.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Don't even tell me you're about to
          do a reconnaissance without a cover.
          What's you cover?
                        
                         JAY
          I don't know...I'm from the telephone
          company?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yeah, nice fucking uniform.
                        
         Dwayne rummages in the back of the car, produces a shopping
         bag and starts filling it with random clothes strewn across
         the car. He shoves the bag at Jay.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You're a personal shopper. You're
          delivering the latest fashions to Mr.
          Quilby in marketing. Got it?
                        
         Jay nods, hops out with the bag and slams the door.
                        
         Dwayne looks down at the cell phone in his hand, twirls it
         as he hums a revival song...sings the lyrics, softly -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          "He's got the whole world in his
          hands. He's got whole fucking world
          in his hands..."
                        
         INT. STAIRWELL, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                        
         Will runs up the stairs, a phone pressed to his ear -
                        
                         WILL
          ...no, I'm here right now.
                        
          KATE (O.S.)
                         (OVER PHONE)
          Why are you acting so strange?
                        
                         WILL
          Because strange shit is going on.
          I'll explain everything. Just meet
          me where I texted you.
                        
          KATE (O.S.)
                         WILL -
                        
                         WILL
          Please. Just do it.
          58.
                        
         EXT. ROOF, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                        
         You can see the entire shitty town from up here. The access
         door opens and Kate emerges, wind tousling her short hair.
                        
                         KATE
                         (CALLING OUT)
          Will?
                        
         Will waves at her from where he is standing, way across on
         the other side of the roof. Kate starts toward him.
                        
                         WILL
          Stop!
                        
         Will takes out his cell phone and dials. Kate's phone rings.
         She answers it, confused.
                        
                         KATE
          What are you doing?
                        
         We STAY on Will. We can see Kate, standing 30 feet away,
         but her voice comes over Will's cell phone, with a delay
         that is slightly jarring.
                        
                         WILL
          Just don't come any closer.
                        
                         KATE
          Why not? What's going on?
                        
                         WILL
          I'm gonna give you the short version
          of an incredibly complicated and fucked
          up situation, so please be cool.
                         (BEAT)
          Some very bad guys strapped a bomb
          to my chest and they are forcing me
          to commit a crime.
                        
                         KATE
          Will, I swear, if this is -
                        
                         WILL
          I wish I was joking, but I'm not. I
          know it's a lot to swallow, but you
          gotta take it on face value, because
          there's a timer attached to this
          thing and it's counting down.
                        
         Kate's voice falters -
                        
                         KATE
          Oh my god, Will...we'll get help.
          I'll get you help.
          59.
                        
                         WILL
          I didn't come here for help. I'm
          taking care of it. I came here
          because, should things not work out
          today as I would like them to, I
          want you to know why I was doing the
          things I did.
                        
                         KATE
          Please, just let me call someone.
          Let me do something. This is crazy!
                        
                         WILL
          I don't disagree with you. It's
          fucking nuts. But that's not even
          what this is about.
                         (STRUGGLING)
          Do you remember when you found that
          picture in my car of you, me and
          Chet, with Chet cut out of it?
                        
                         KATE
          Will, I can't remember about some
          stupid picture while you're -
                        
                         WILL
          I need you to remember about the
          picture, and about how I stop by
          your office every Friday, and how
          I've always hated all your boyfriends,
          and how the two girls I've ever
          seriously dated have looked like
          less attractive versions of you.
                         (BEAT)
          Do you see where I'm going with this?
          I love you Kate. I have for a very
          long time.
                        
         Kate is barely holding it together.
                        
                         KATE
          Will, this is a lot you're putting
          on me! You just told me people are
          trying to kill you or something, and
          now you say you love me. What the
          fuck is going on?
                        
                         WILL
          A whole lot of shit. I'm sorry to do
          this to you, but I was afraid I'd never
          get the chance to tell you. And I
          know you have feelings for me, too.
          Maybe you feel for me the way you feel
          for a good friend, or - if the world
          fucking hates me - a brother.
                         (MORE)
          60.
                        
                         WILL (CONT'D)
          But what I hope is that you don't really
          know how you feel for me, and that
          maybe when you figure it out you'll
          realize it's the same way I feel for
          you. Does that make any sense?
                        
                         KATE
          Yes. I mean, I've known you forever.
          It's not an easy thing to figure out.
                        
                         WILL
          I don't need an answer now. Just
          think about it. And no matter what
          you decide, you're too good for
          assholes like Mark and the rest of
          them.
                        
         Kate manages a small, stifled laugh.
                        
                         KATE
          Okay. I will process all of this.
          It's just, the bomb -
                        
                         WILL
          It's distracting. I know. Anyway,
          I'd love to stay and talk some more,
          but I can't. I gotta ask you to leave
          now, because I'm running out of time.
                        
         Kate nods. Will hangs up the phone. She turns back toward
         the access door, stops. She yells across the roof at Will -
                        
                         KATE
          If I had time to think about it...I'd
          probably tell you that I've always
          felt very strongly for you. And I've
          never thought of you as a brother.
                        
         Will smiles, yells back -
                        
                         WILL
          That's a huge relief. Don't say
          anything else. I just really don't
          want to die now.
                        
                         KATE
          Try not to. Please.
                        
         Kate turns and continues to the access door.
          61.
                        
         INT. STAIRWELL, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                        
         Jay paces about the landing that leads up to the roof. He
         hears the door opening and hurries down to the entrance for
         the nearest floor. He tries the door, but it's locked.
                        
         Kate enters the stairwell from the roof access door and spots
         Jay trying to force the door open. She is holding back tears.
         He just looks incredibly confused.
                        
                         JAY
          I'm, uh...I'm a personal shopper.
          I'm looking for Mr. Quilby.
                        
                         KATE
          I'm sorry, I don't know who that is.
                        
         Kate continues down the stairs, tears coming now. Jay waits
         a beat, then hurries down and tries the door on the next
         level, which is open.
                        
         INT. MINIVAN - DAY
                        
         Jay jumps in the van, huffing and puffing.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          So?
                        
                         JAY
          It was just his girlfriend or something.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Getting one last blow job in case he
          don't make it. I kinda like this guy.
                        
         INT. DATSUN - DAY
                        
         Will, galvanized by the exchange, hops inside.
                        
                         CHET
          Did you tell her how you saw her naked
          when she was 13? That always works.
                        
                         WILL
          I said my piece. She's gonna think
          about it.
                        
                         CHET
          Shut up. She was freaked out.
                        
                         WILL
          Yes. By the bomb.
                        
                         CHET
          By you.
          62.
                        
                         WILL
          Would it be so bad if we ended up
          together? You and I would be family.
                        
                         CHET
          I don't want you in the family. You
          bring very little to the table. I
          want her to be with someone awesome.
          A pro quarterback. A war hero. At
          the very least, someone I've never
          watched porn with.
                        
                         WILL
          Well, now it's up to her.
                        
                         CHET
          Not if I set that bomb off myself.
                        
                         WILL
          Then you'd probably never get to rob
          a bank.
                        
         Will throws the car into gear and pulls away.
                        
         SUPER COUNTDOWN: 4 hours, 10 minutes...
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
         EXT. PARKING LOT, DONNER-WELLS NATIONAL BANK - DAY
                        
         The Datsun is parked in the half-full lot. The guys lean
         against the driver side, with their backs to the bank and
         the car providing cover. They each have a spray painted air
         pistol tucked into their pants.
                        
                         WILL
          You go for the money. I'll cover
          the crowd. In and out.
                        
         Chet clasps his hands around his stomach.
                        
                         CHET
          I'm not feeling so good. I drank
          like three of those 5-Hour Energy
          drinks.
                        
                         WILL
          It's just nerves. Let's pull our
          shit together and do this thing.
                        
         Chet reigns it in. The guys slide on the leather gloves and
         rolled up ski masks. They turn and stride toward the bank.
                        
         The guys stop as they get to the door. They pull the ski
         masks down and take out their air pistols.
          63.
                        
                         CHET
          What should I call you in there,
          like if I need to ask you to do
          something?
                        
                         WILL
          Call me Tivon. You'll be Darius.
                        
                         CHET
          I can tell you're not a black guy
          through the ski mask.
                        
                         WILL
          Fine. Then you'll be Luis and I'm
          Cruz. We're two loco motherfuckers
          and that's the way we gotta roll
          when we get in there.
                        
         INT. DONNER-WELLS NATIONAL BANK - DAY
                        
         It's business as usual for a dozen CUSTOMERS and about as
         many EMPLOYEES. They all just want to get done with their
         shit and go home, when -
                        
         Will and Chet burst through the bank doors, guns in hand.
                        
                         WILL
          Everybody put your hands in the air!
                        
                         CHET
          No, get on the ground!
                        
                         WILL
          Actually, listen to him and get on
          the fucking ground!
                        
         Will and Chet are on an adrenaline high, waving their guns
         everywhere. People scream.
                        
                         WILL
          Shut up! Please!
                        
         Will frantically scans the panicked crowd for -
                        
         The SECURITY GUARD (40s), rail thin and jumpy. Will points
         his gun right at him.
                        
                         WILL
          You, just stand right there and don't
          do shit! The rest of you get the
          fuck down! Spread your arms and legs!
          Why is no one listening to me!?
                        
                         SECURITY GUARD
          Just take it easy, man!
          64.
                        
                         WILL
          Don't be a hero, cowboy!
                        
                         SECURITY GUARD
          What the fuck does that mean? I'm
          not a hero! Or a cowboy!
                        
         As people drop to the ground, whispering nervously to one
                        ANOTHER -
                        
         Chet rushes the TELLERS standing behind the bulletproof glass
         partition.
                        
                         CHET
          All of you, back away from the counter
          and get out here! Anyone pushes a
          button and one of these people gets
          totally shot!
                        
         The Tellers hurry into the main area of the bank and get
         onto their stomachs.
                        
         Will looks to the Guard.
                        
                         WILL
          Very slowly, take out your gun and
          toss it away.
                        
         The Guard takes out his gun, lays it on the ground and shoves
         it away. The gun slides across the waxed floor and -
                        
         Right into the outstretched hand of a sobbing MOM (40s),
         whose DAUGHTER (11) lies beside her in a soccer uniform.
                        
                         MOM
          Oh, god! I don't want the gun!
                        
                         WILL
                         (TO GUARD)
          What the fuck!? Did you do that on
          purpose!?
                        
                         SECURITY GUARD
          It was an accident!
                        
                         CHET
          Are you guys working together?
                        
                         MOM
          No! Please take this gun away!
                        
                         WILL
          Just toss it, lady!
          65.
                        
         The Mom slides the gun away like it were on fire. It skids
         all the way across the floor, slams hard against a wall and
                        
         BLAM!
                        
          MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
          Ah!
                        
         A FAT MAN has been shot. He clutches his thigh.
                        
                         FAT MAN
          I think she got the femoral artery!
                        
                         MOM
          I'm sorry! It was an accident!
                        
                         FAT MAN
          Fuck you! Who slides a gun like that!?
                        
                         DAUGHTER
          Mommy, what's happening!?
                        
                         MOM
          Christi, be quiet. These men are
          dangerous.
                        
         Chet turns ashen. He moves close to Will, whispers urgently -
                        
                         CHET
          This is fucked. That dude is gonna
          bleed out and we're gonna go to prison.
                        
                         WILL
          Just calm down.
                        
                         FAT MAN
          Why is no one getting me help!?
                        
                         WILL
          Is anyone here a doctor?
                        
         Nothing. Just the heavy breathing of many frightened people.
                        
         Will hurries over to the Fat Man, who is bent over, hugging
         his leg.
                        
                         WILL
          Sir, let me see where you're hit.
                        
                         FAT MAN
          Just call me an ambulance!
                        
                         WILL
          Calm down, sir.
          66.
                        
         The Fat Man sits up, removes his hand from his leg. Will
         nervously takes a look. There is only a small amount of
         blood.
                        
                         WILL
          It's just a flesh wound. You're
          gonna be okay.
                        
                         FAT MAN
          But it hurts so bad.
                        
                         WILL
          You got shot, man. It's not supposed
          to feel good. But you're gonna be
          fine. And you'll have a great story
          to tell everyone.
                        
                         FAT MAN
          This is an awful story! This isn't a
          bank error in my favor! I got shot!
                        
                         WILL
          Point taken. Luis, how we doing on
          the money?
                        
         Chet snaps back to attention -
                        
                         CHET
          Oh, shit. Sorry, Cruz.
                        
         Chet picks out the most harmless looking teller, a mousy 20-
         something girl, and helps her up off the ground. He checks
         her name tag: SANDRA.
                        
                         CHET
          Hey, Sandra. I know you're probably
          scared right now, but if you go grab
          us 100 grand in a bag, we'll get out
          of here. This will all be over and
          you'll be fine. You trust me?
                        
         Sandra nods. Chet smiles, reassuringly. She hurries behind
         the counter, starts filling a bank bag with cash, as -
                        
                         FAT MAN
          My leg really hurts!
                        
                         WILL
          Can you please hurry up, Sandra!?
                        
         Sandra emerges from behind the partition with the bank bag.
         Will grabs it. He takes a last look at the people spread
         across the floor.
          67.
                        
                         WILL
          I'm really sorry, everyone. I know
          we probably fucked up your day.
          (looks to Fat Man)
          I'm thinking of you in particular,
          sir. Actually, you know what...
                        
         Will crosses to the Fat Man, offers the bank bag.
                        
                         WILL
          Quickly. Peel a few bills. On me.
          Anyone rats him to the cops and I'm
          coming for you. I remember faces.
                        
         The Fat Man hesitantly reaches for the bag. Opens it -
                        
         Red Dye explodes all over his face. He shrieks. Chet whirls
         on the teller.
                        
                         CHET
          What the fuck was that about, Sandra?
          I thought we had something going!
          What happened to trust?
                        
                         SANDRA
          I'm sorry! They make us do it!
                        
                         WILL
          Could you kindly fill another bag?
          Not a bank bag. A fucking garbage
          bag. And Luis, will you watch her
          this time?
                        
         Sandra hurries back behind the partition with Chet. He dumps
         out the contents of a trash can, grabs the bag and watches
         closely as Sandra stuffs it with cash.
                        
                         CHET
          Okay. That should be enough.
                        
         Chet grabs the bag and hustles out toward Will. They are
         home free, until -
                        
         They hear the wail of approaching sirens outside. They stop
         cold, panicked. Will whirls on the Tellers.
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck! Which one of you assholes tripped
          the alarm!? Was it you, Sandra!?
                        
                         SANDRA
          No! It was Mark! He pushed the
          button when you guys came in!
                        
         Another teller, MARK, looks up from the floor.
          68.
                        
                         MARK
          Sandra, you bitch! Now they're gonna
          kill us both!
                        
                         SANDRA
          Fuck you, Mark! You're the manager!
                        
         Will loses his shit -
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck both of you! Fuck all of you!
          I'm a regular guy! Just like you!
          I'm a regular guy and you fucked me!
          Thank you for fucking a regular guy!
                        
         People are freaked out. Sandra is crying, thinking she will
         probably get shot now.
                        
         Chet grabs Will and pulls him toward the door.
                        
                         CHET
          Let's just get the fuck out of here.
                        
         The guys slam through the doors, out into
                        
         EXT. PARKING LOT, DONNER-WELLS NATIONAL BANK - DAY
                        
         Just as a lone police cruiser screeches into the lot. Will
         and Chet make a run for it, but the cruiser cuts them off.
                        
         OFFICER ZURMAN (21), a jittery rookie, jumps out of the cruiser
         and levels his gun. The guys reflexively level theirs.
                        
                         OFFICER ZURMAN
          Drop your weapons!
                        
                         CHET
          Don't shoot us!
                        
                         OFFICER ZURMAN
          Drop the guns or I'll have to!
                        
         Chet looks at Will with utter desperation. In the distance,
         they hear the sirens of more cops approaching. Will tosses
         his gun, rips open his jacket and grabs a cluster of wires.
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck you! You just brought a gun to
          a bomb fight, officer! I pull these
          wires out and we all go! You got
          ten seconds to drop your gun and -
                        
         Zurman doesn't stick around for the rest. He turns and
         sprints away.
          69.
                        
         As the guys make for the Datsun -
                         CHET
          That was awesome.
                         WILL
          He was tempting a desperate
          motherfucker.
         The guys jump in the Datsun and peel out as two more police
         cruisers race toward the bank. The cruisers change course
         and give chase. The Datsun blows right by the parked
         INT. MINIVAN - DAY
         Dwayne watches as the cars speed off into the distance.
                         DWAYNE
          Holy shit! Our boy is causing some
          serious mayhem!
                         JAY
          He's gonna get caught or killed.
         Dwayne whirls on Jay, punches him hard in the shoulder.
                         DWAYNE
          Shut the fuck up! If you jinx this
          with your negativity, I'm gonna strap
          a bomb to your chest next.
         Jay massages his shoulder, pissed.
                        
                         JAY
          Oh, yeah, who's gonna build it?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You are!
                        
         EXT. STREET - DAY
                        
         Whiplash blur as the three cars race by, one after the other.
         Airborne leaves flutter in their wake.
                        
         INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Chet freaks out as they hurtle toward lunchtime traffic.
         Will weaves in and out of cars.
                        
                         CHET
          Shit! This is not cool!
                        
         Will is wild eyed, punching the gas. Chet's head is on a
         swivel. Behind them: police cruisers in hot pursuit. Up ahead:
         the world rushing at them at 80 mph, populated by nothing but
         potential collisions that will result in a fiery death.
          70.
                        
                         CHET
          Maybe we should pull over and
          surrender.
                        
                         WILL
          I can outrun these guys. They're
          not the FBI, they're local cops.
          Just shut up and let me concentrate.
          I do this for a living.
                        
         As they clip the side-view mirror off a Kia -
                        
                         CHET
          You don't do anything like this for a
          living! I am not a pizza, I am a man!
                        
         The cruisers are gaining ground, throttles wide open.
                        
         Will downshifts, spiking the RPMs into the red, as he banks
         a hard right and
                        
         EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                        
         The Datsun explodes onto a crowded street. PEDESTRIANS
         crossing an intersection jump out of its way.
                        
         The cruisers take the turn into town. One makes it. The
         other slams into parked cars.
                        
         INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Will jumps the curb to avoid slow-moving traffic, slams into a
         newspaper dispenser. It flips up onto the hood and crashes
         into the windshield, where it stays lodged.
                        
                         WILL
          Holy fuck!
                        
         Will veers back into the street and blindly plows ahead as
         cars he cannot see swerve to avoid him.
                        
         He finally slams the brakes, the momentum knocking the
         dispenser loose and launching it onto the sidewalk, scattering
         Pedestrians.
                        
         Chet whirls around to see the cruiser flying right at them.
                        
                         CHET
          Go! Go! Go!
                        
         Will steps on the gas. The light ahead turns red.
                        
                         CHET
          Stop! Stop! Stop!
          71.
                        
         Will rolls the dice and blows through the intersection.
         He's lucky. The cruiser behind him is not. It's T-boned by
         traffic in a brutal, crunching collision.
                        
         INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                        
         The cruiser wreckage disappears in the rear-view mirror as
         Will floors it toward a green light.
                        
                         WILL
          That guy got fucked up.
                        
         In the rushing moment as they cross the intersection, Chet
         glimpses the other cruiser barreling toward his side of the
         car from the perpendicular street. He has a millisecond,
         maybe, to process their impending doom, and then -
                        
         The cruiser smashes into the back passenger side of the car.
                        
         EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                        
         The Datsun is sent spinning like a fucking top. Its ruined
         back wheel catches, sending the car tumbling onto its roof.
                        
         INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Madness. The guys scream as the car continues to slide,
         upside down, out of control. As it slams into a row of
         parking meters, the world goes
                        
                        BLACK
                        
         Will blinks back to reality. He's hanging, inverted, by his
         seat belt. The car is a pool of shattered glass. It twinkles
         up at him. Hours could have passed, but it's only been
         seconds. He sucks in air. Satisfied that he is, in fact,
         still alive, he looks over at -
                        
         A battered and bruised Chet, head drooping straight back.
                        
                         WILL
          Chet? Are you okay? Chet!?
                        
                         CHET
                         (ROUSING)
          Oh my god...
                        
                         WILL
          Talk to me.
                        
                         CHET
          I thought you were gonna blow up.
                        
         Will's hands go to the bomb...still intact.
          72.
                        
                         WILL
          No. Luckily your side took most of
          the impact.
                        
                         CHET
          Awesome.
                        
                         WILL
          We gotta keep moving.
                        
         Will unclicks his seat belt and falls to the roof of the
         car. He moves to Chet, unclicks his belt and helps him down.
                        
         EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                        
         Will emerges from the overturned car. He drags Chet out,
         along with the bag of cash. He glances up to see the OFFICER
         who crashed into them stumbling out of his own ruined car,
         which has turned a fire hydrant into a geyser. Another
         cruiser races to the scene.
                        
                         WILL
          Oh, fuck, man. Come on.
                        
         Will pulls Chet to his feet and they take off, rounding a
                        CORNER INTO
                        
         EXT. ALLEY - DAY
                        
         As Will huffs and puffs -
                        
                         WILL
          Chet...I don't know how to tell you
          this...but you got a piece of the
          car in you.
                        
                         CHET
          What!?
                        
                         WILL
          In your back.
                        
         Chet glances back to see a jagged piece of metal sticking
         out of his shoulder blade.
                        
                         CHET
          Ah! Get it out!
                        
                         WILL
          I will.
                        
                         CHET
          Do it now!
          73.
                        
                         WILL
          All right.
                        
         Without breaking stride, Will yanks the piece of metal out
         of Chet's back. He screams.
                        
                         CHET
          Is it rusty? Am I gonna get tetanus?
                        
         Behind them, two Officers turn into the alley in full sprint.
         They are way faster than the guys and soon gain on them.
         Will can barely keep up with Chet.
                        
                         CHET
          Why are you moving so slowly?
                        
                         WILL
          It's a combination of cheap sneakers
          and this heavy fucking bomb on my chest!
                        
         They burst out of the alley, onto
                        
         EXT. STREET - DAY
                        
         The guys frantically search for an escape, spot -
                        
         A bus pulling up to a stop down the street.
                        
         They sprint for the the bus, peeling off their ski masks and
         waving as it lazily rolls away from the stop.
                        
                         WILL
          Hey! Over here!
                        
         The bus slows and the guys trip over each other to board it.
                        
         INT. BUS - DAY - MOVING
                        
         The guys fall into seats, gasping for air, a complete mess.
                        
         Will looks out the window to see the Officers emerge from
         the alley and look around for them.
                        
         EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                        
         A crowd has grown around the crash sites. Fire trucks and
         ambulances are on the scene.
                        
         Dwayne and Jay make their way through the crowd, trying to
         see what's what. Dwayne approaches a RANDOM LOCAL.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You hear what happened to the guys
          they were after?
          74.
                        
                         RANDOM LOCAL
          Sounds like they got away.
                        
         Dwayne and Jay beam.
                        
         EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY
                        
         The guys are covered in sweat as they hike along, eyes on
         the lookout. They arrive at Will's parked Mustang. Will
         hugs the car.
                        
                         WILL
          I never thought I'd see you again.
                        
                         CHET
          I thought you hated this car.
                        
                         WILL
          It's actually not that bad. You know,
          as compared to that Datsun. The
          Mustang's got more comfortable seats.
          And it never would have flipped over.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY
                        
         The guys get in. They sit there for a moment, silent except
         for their heavy breathing. Will's eyes go to the garbage
         bag sitting between them.
                        
                         WILL
          There's a 100 grand in there. 100
          fucking grand. Which we stole.
          From a bank.
                        
                         CHET
          I told a bunch of people I was gonna
          shoot someone. I was like "you
          fucking move, and I will kill you
          where you stand!"
                        
                         WILL
          I threatened to blow up a cop.
                         (BEAT)
          And you never said "I will kill you
          where you stand."
                        
                         CHET
          I know. But shit did get pretty crazy.
                        
                         WILL
          Yeah, it did.
                        
         Will starts to get a little emotional.
          75.
                        
                         WILL
          You know, there's no one I would
          have rather taken down a fucking
          bank with. I mean that.
                        
         Chet smiles.
                        
                         CHET
          Me, neither.
                        
                         WILL
          And as for all that shit I said...and
          all that shit I did...I hope you can
          forgive me. We've been friends for
          so long, and I guess you hurt the
          people you're closest to the most.
                        
                         CHET
          I messed up, too. I'm a dude who
          slept with his best friend's ex-
          girlfriend, and destroyed his parents'
          marriage, and sat on the sidelines
          watching his downward spiral. I'm a
          shitty human being. But I'm glad
          you know that now, because you can
          accept me for who I am.
                        
                         WILL
          I do. I accept you. Because you
          accept me.
                        
         Will goes in for a hug. Chet gets lost in the moment, before
         recoiling.
                        
                         CHET
          Woah! You still got a bomb on you.
                        
                         WILL
          You're right. Let's take care of
          that. But you owe me a hug.
                        
         Will pulls the slip of paper Dwayne gave him from his pocket.
                        
                         WILL
          It's all gravy from here.
                        
         Will takes out his cell and dials the number.
                        
                         INTERCUT WITH:
                        
         EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                        
         Dwayne and Jay cross toward a McDonald's. Dwayne stops and
         answers his vibrating cell phone.
          76.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          This who I think it is?
          WILL (O.S.)
          Can't you hear the ticking in the
          background?
                         DWAYNE
          You know, you're a pretty funny guy.
          WILL (O.S.)
          Thanks. I'm happy to entertain a
          complete psychopath.
                         DWAYNE
          Now wait a second, you're the murderer.
          WILL (O.S.)
          What's that supposed to mean?
                         DWAYNE
          One of those cops who wrecked his
          car chasing you...he ain't breathing
          no more.
         Will goes white, covers the phone and whispers to Chet -
                         WILL
          We killed a cop.
                         CHET
          You were driving! I'm just an
          accomplice!
                         WILL
          They're gonna hunt us down and kill
          us. Cops don't take this shit lightly.
                        
                         CHET
          I bet he had like eight kids. We
          have to find them and support his
          family forever.
                        
         Dwayne is holding back laughter. Finally bursts out.
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          What's so fucking funny!?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm just messin' with you. You didn't
          kill anyone. How'd a moron like you
          manage to rob a bank?
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          Jesus! Can we just get this over
          with? Where do you want the money?
          77.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          There's a boarded up gas station out
          on Commerce Avenue, past the highway.
          Be there in 30 minutes.
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          I'll be there in ten.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Then you'll be standing around with
          your dick in one hand, and my money
          in the other.
                        
         Dwayne hangs up. He dials another number -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yo, Juicy, wrangle your boy. Money's
          on its way.
                        
         EXT. ROAD - DAY
                        
         The Mustang shrieks past us.
                        
         SUPER COUNTDOWN: 2 hours, 58 minutes...
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
         INT. MCDONALD'S - DAY
                        
         Dwayne and Jay sit at a table with a fast food feast spread
         out. Dwayne eats a Big Mac, a look of utter satisfaction on
         his face, a man whom the gods have finally smiled down upon.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I remember the summer after my mother
          passed was the first year they had
          the Monopoly game at McDonald's. I
          musta come here three times a day
          trying to collect all the game pieces.
          Packed on 20 pounds, got acne from
          all the grease. The Major said I was
          the fattest, ugliest 13-year-old he
          ever laid eyes on. But I didn't care,
          I just wanted to win the money and
          get the fuck out of there. So, one
          night, I followed this skinny register
          kid home, jumped him. I kept whaling
          on him, asking him where they were
          hiding the Park Place piece. The
          million dollar prize. But he didn't
          know shit. A year later, The Major
          won the lotto. I asked him for a
          Sega Genesis. He bought me one of
          those paddles with the ball attached.
          78.
                        
         Dwayne goes for a fry, sees his carton is empty and grabs a
         handful of Jay's.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm not ashamed to admit that I've
          gone through some dark times since
          then. Depression. Addiction to a
          variety of shit, which I won't go
          into. I know you must think that's
          pretty silly, especially since you
          manage to get through the day and you
          don't got shit going on as compared
          to me. But that's just the way it
          is. That's life.
                        
         Jay looks pretty affected that Dwayne is opening up to him.
                        
                         JAY
          You know, I've been pretty low, too...
          if you ever want to talk about that
          kinda stuff.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          No. I don't. My whole point I was
          trying to make before you interrupted
          me was that that shit is all in the
          past. 'Cause I did it. I finally
          pulled it off.
                        
                         JAY
          We pulled it off, Dwayne. The two
          us. We're a good team.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Are we? Would you do anything to
          protect me, my money, my empire?
                        
                         JAY
          Yeah, sure...
                         (NERVOUS)
          I mean, like what kinda stuff are we
          talking about?
                        
         Dwayne takes out his cell, keys in the speed dial code and
         slides the cell across the table to Jay.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Would you push the button?
                        
                         JAY
          Why would you want me to do that?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It's just a question, Jay. Would
          you? If I asked you?
                         (MORE)
          79.
                        
                         DWAYNE (CONT'D)
          I mean, it's no different than those
          watermelons.
                        
                         JAY
          Watermelons aren't alive.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yeah, they are. Not the ones you
          blew up, though.
                        
         Dwayne stares hard at Jay. A tense beat.
                        
                         JAY
          No one gets hurt...right, Dwayne?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Oh, yeah. I forgot about that part.
                        
         Dwayne cracks a smile.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Anyway, he hasn't even made the drop
          yet. I'm gonna go take a shit.
          Stay away from the bathroom. Someone
          could get hurt.
                        
         Dwayne heads off. Jay eyes the cell phone he has left behind.
                        
         EXT. BOARDED UP GAS STATION - DAY
                        
         Weeds have overtaken the abandoned place. Will leans against
         his parked car, waiting. Chet is nowhere to be seen.
                        
         Will spots Vaughn's Sentra approach. It pulls into the
         station and Vaughn steps. He could not look more menacing.
         Juicy hangs back in the passenger seat.
                        
                         WILL
          Where are the other guys?
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I'm the only guy.
                         (BEAT)
          You got it?
                        
         Will picks up the garbage bag at his feet and walks it over
         to Vaughn. He opens it, looks in.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          What the fuck did you do...rob a
          bank?
          80.
                        
                         WILL
                         (INCREDULOUS)
          Yes.
                        
         Vaughn grins.
                        
                         WILL
          Now where's the code?
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I don't have any code.
                        
         Vaughn turns to leave. Will grabs his arm. Vaughn stops,
         looks purposefully down at Will's hand. Will draws back.
                        
                         WILL
          Listen, man, I just want the code.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I don't know what the fuck you're
          talking about.
                        
                         WILL
          The code for the fucking bomb!
                        
         Will opens his jacket. Vaughn takes a sudden step back.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          What kind of stupid motherfucker
          wears a bomb to a drop?
                        
                         WILL
          Your boss put this on me.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I am my boss.
                        
                         WILL
          Then give me the code!
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Motherfucker, I don't know no goddamn
          code. Whoever told you I did, lied
          to you. Now step the fuck off, or
          I'll shoot you in the face so you
          don't explode and mess up my boots.
                        
         Vaughn goes to leave again. Will runs ahead of him and gets
         in his way.
                        
                         WILL
          If you don't have the code, I want
          that money back.
          81.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          The only way you're getting this
          money back is if you kill me.
                        
                         WILL
          You don't know what I've gone through
          for that money!
                        
         In an instant, Vaughn has his gun out, aimed at Will's head.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Do I look sympathetic? Now step the
          fuck aside.
                        
         INT. SENTRA - DAY
                        
         Juicy looks on with interest as Vaughn holds Will at gunpoint.
         Then she spots
                        
         EXT. BOARDED UP GAS STATION - DAY
                        
         Chet creeping up behind Vaughn, from wherever he was hiding,
         clutching a large metal pipe.
                        
         Juicy jumps out of the Sentra.
                        
                         JUICY
          Vaughn, look out!
                        
         Vaughn whirls around toward Chet, just in time to have his
         gun arm smashed by the pipe. The weapon drops from his hand.
         Chet takes another swing, cracking Vaughn across the face.
         He howls, blood spraying, and topples over. Chet goes for
         another swing, when -
                        
         Juicy jumps on him, wildly biting and clawing.
                        
         Will grabs the back of Juicy's track jacket for leverage and
         flings her away. She hits the back of the Sentra and careens
         clear across the trunk.
                        
                         WILL
          Let's go!
                        
         Will grabs the money. Chet kicks Vaughn's gun into the
         bushes. The guys break for the Mustang and get in.
                        
         Juicy gets to her feet, runs right by a dazed Vaughn and
         after the car, which pulls out into the road and leaves her
         behind, screaming and cursing.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Will's mind is racing.
          82.
                        
                         WILL
          What the fuck was that?
                        
                         CHET
          They tried to screw us. You're a
          liability. They were just gonna let
          you blow up.
                        
                         WILL
          Not with the money they won't.
                        
         INT. JAY'S GARAGE WORKSHOP - DAY
                        
         A tidy space, filled with various half-finished devices,
         action figures and heavy metal posters. A low mechanical
         hum registers.
                        
         Dwayne sits on a stool in the center of the garage, while
         Jay carefully trims his hair with an electric clipper. Dwayne
         holds up a mirror to check out his work.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Never comes out this nice when I do
          it myself. You might wanna take some
          more off the top, though. I wanna
          look real professional when I go down
          to the morgue to identify the body.
                        
         Dwayne's phone chimes from a nearby counter. He grabs it,
         looks at the incoming number, slightly concerned. He answers -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You drop the money yet?
                        
                         INTERCUT WITH:
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Will yells into the phone -
                        
                         WILL
          No! I've still got the money! And
          I cracked your friend's face open!
                        
          DWAYNE (O.S.)
          Why the fuck would you do that!?
                        
                         WILL
          You lied! You said I'd get the code!
                        
         Dwayne is panicked, covers badly -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I gave him the code. He told me he
          committed it to memory.
                         (MORE)
          83.
                        
                         DWAYNE (CONT'D)
          He was probably just embarrassed that
          he forgot it. I'll call him up and -
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          You didn't give him shit! I want
          the code now or you'll never see
          this money!
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Hold on there, big man. You got a
          bomb on you. I got a cell phone that
          detonates it. You're not exactly
          negotiating from a position of leverage.
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          I'm holding the money. I blow up,
          and it blows up. Who has the leverage
          now? Go ahead and push the button,
          you idiot.
                        
         Chet freaks out -
                        
                         CHET
          Don't tell him to push the button!
          Pull over! Pull over!
                        
         Dwayne is getting pissed off.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Why don't you watch what the fuck
          you say! I own you! I tell you to
          rob a bank, and you rob a bank. I
          tell you to give me the money, and
          you give me the goddamn money and
          hope I show you some mercy.
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          I'm tired of this bullshit. I'm
          already dead, right? So fuck you.
          At least I'll die rich. I can't say
          the same for you.
                        
         The line goes dead. Dwayne tears off his haircut smock.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That piece of shit hung up on me!
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Chet grabs the wheel and forces Will to pull over.
                        
                         CHET
          Get me out of this car!
          84.
                        
         EXT. ROAD - DAY
                        
         Chet jumps out while the Mustang is still slowing down. He
         runs 20 yards away. Will turns the car off and gets out.
                        
                         CHET
          That was colossally stupid!
                        
                         WILL
          It was a negotiation tactic. He'll
          call back and I won't answer. Then
          he'll call back and I will answer, and
          he'll realize the only way he gets the
          money is if he gives me the code.
                        
                         CHET
          Sure! That seems like a perfectly
          logical pattern of thought! I bet
          that's exactly what he'll do!
                        
         INT. JAY'S GARAGE WORKSHOP - DAY
                        
         Dwayne tries Will's phone again. It goes to voicemail. He
         explodes like a pack of Mentos in a two-liter of Diet Coke.
         Throws his cell across the room. Overturns a work table.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Does this guy know who the fuck I am!?
                        
         Jay retreats into a corner. Dwayne's a big boy, and he soon
         tires himself out, hunches over, panting.
                        
                         JAY
          Dwayne...you never told me you weren't
          going to give him the code.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          We're not amateurs. He was a loose
          end. I let him live, someday I woulda
          been walking out of my mansion and...
          bam! FBI, CIA, NSA, all converging on
          my front lawn, 'cause a loose end turned
          state's evidence and they got what
          they need to put me away.
                        
         Dwayne shakes his head. Starts digging through the mess
         he's made...finds his phone.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Fuck it, Jay. I'll just kill The
          Major myself.
                        
         Dwayne keys in the speed dial code.
          85.
                        
                         JAY
          Don't do it.
                        
         Dwayne looks down at the send button.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You know what they say about a tree
          falling in the forest? Maybe the
          same thing applies to blowing up
          some motherfucker across town. Maybe
          it doesn't even make a sound.
                        
         Dwayne hits send.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Boom.
                        
         But Dwayne notices something...the phone in his hand is
         ringing. He puts it to his ear. The line connects -
                        
          FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
          Hello...who is this...hello...?
                        
         Dwayne snaps the phone shut, looks to Jay, who tries to will
         the beads of sweat back into his pores.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Who did I just call, Jay? 'Cause
          she sounded cute for a bomb.
                        
                         JAY
                         (SWALLOWS HARD)
          Gina Kim. My seventh grade crush. Or
          whoever lives in Gina Kim's house now.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Where's the number for the bomb?
                        
                         JAY
          In my head. I switched it out of
          your phone while you were taking a
          shit. You're out of control, Dwayne.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm in perfect control!
                        
         Dwayne charges Jay. Jay holds up the hair clippers like a
         weapon, flicks them on. Dwayne rips the cord out of the
         wall, uses it to yank the clippers from Jay's hand, then
         whips him with the cord.
                        
                         JAY
          Stop it!
          86.
                        
         Dwayne goes to whip Jay again, but Jay moves like a jack rabbit
         and delivers a fierce kidney shot. Dwayne stumbles backward,
         falls onto the couch, groans -
                         DWAYNE
          You asshole...I make you my partner
          and you pull this shit...
                         JAY
          I'm tired of you pushing me around
          all the time! What kinda partner
          does that!?
                         DWAYNE
          Fuck you...I'm gonna piss blood,
          aren't I?
                         JAY
          That's what it said on the internet.
         Dwayne's phone rings in his pocket.
                         DWAYNE
          Go on. Get it out for me. I can
          barely move.
         Jay pulls the cell from Dwayne's pocket...opens it and puts
         it to his ear so he can answer -
                         DWAYNE
          Glad you came to your senses.
                         INTERCUT WITH:
         EXT. BOARDED UP GAS STATION - DAY
                        
         Vaughn has a rag pressed to his swollen, bloody face. Juicy
         is nearby, banged up and dirty. Vaughn yells into his cell -
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Who the fuck do you think you're
          talking to!?
                        
          DWAYNE (O.S.)
          I honestly don't know.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Let me give you a hint: your boy
          just jumped me, tossed my bitch like
          a rag doll and split with the cash.
                        
         Dwayne realizes who's on the other line, recovers -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That guy's not my boy. He's a dick.
          I'm sorry for all the, uh, confusion.
          87.
                        
          VAUGHN (O.S.)
          Confusion? The only motherfucker
          that's confused is you. Apparently,
          you think you can fuck me and survive
          the day.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I wasn't fucking you, I was fucking
          him. You gotta understand, you're
          like a pawn in a much larger game
          I'm playing here.
                        
          VAUGHN (O.S.)
          Did you just call me a pawn, you
          stupid fuck!?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I didn't mean it like that. I'm
          just juggling a whole lot of shit.
                        
          VAUGHN (O.S.)
          I want my money. Right now.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That may not be possible.
                         (DELICATELY)
          I just want to put this out there,
          to keep you in the loop...but I may
          need to bump the hit.
                        
         Vaughn paces, furious.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          This isn't a reservation at Sizzler!
          You don't "bump" it! I want you to
          bring me my money right now, to where
          I am standing in this shit hole town,
          bleeding from the motherfucking face!
                        
          DWAYNE (O.S.)
          I don't exactly have the money...give
          me some time and -
                        
                         VAUGHN
          The deal's off! You just became the
          hit!
                        
         Vaughn hangs up, tosses the bloody rag to the ground and
         screams in frustration.
                        
                         JUICY
          He lives with his daddy. You already
          got the address.
          88.
                        
         INT. JAY'S GARAGE WORKSHOP - DAY
                        
         Dwayne looks down at his phone.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That's it. The assassin's gonna
          kill me now. I'm gonna die. Game
          fucking over.
                        
         Dwayne cradles his arms around his wounded kidney, rocks
         back and forth, wallowing in defeat.
                        
                         JAY
          We can still get him the money. Try
          the pizza guy back.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Why? So he can fuck around again,
          and I wind up dead, anyway? No.
          I'd rather just sit here. I want to
          die right here on this couch.
                        
                         JAY
          No. We're gonna get that money.
          Just like we planned. All we gotta
          do is get the leverage back.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          How do we do that? Pizza boy's
          obviously got some kinda death wish.
                        
         Jay gathers his resolve.
                        
                         JAY
          We take the girl. The one he went
          to see. Then he won't try shit.
                        
         Dwayne looks up at Jay with something not unlike awe.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That's actually...that's a great
          fucking idea, Jay. It's the best
          idea anyone's had all day.
                        
         Dwayne lowers his head. He removes the gun from his
         belt...holds it out to Jay. Jay takes it. Feels its weight.
         Then offers it back.
                        
                         JAY
          I was just trying to figure out how
          you would do it, Dwayne.
                        
         Dwayne takes the gun. Struggles to stand. Jay helps him.
          89.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Ok. Then let's do it right. We
          leave nothing to chance. Because if
          we go to prison for this, I won't be
          able to watch out for you.
                        
                         JAY
          Ok, Dwayne.
                        
         Dwayne looks over at a frame backpack hanging from a hook on
         the wall. PVC piping bulges from it.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You should probably bring the
          flamethrower, buddy. There's gonna
          be some evidence to dispose of.
                        
         EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD - DAY
                        
         Will and Chet sit on the ground, still 20 yards apart. Chet
         checks his watch.
                        
                         CHET
          It's been half an hour.
                        
                         WILL
          He'll call.
                        
                         CHET
          In another 30 minutes I'm calling
          the bomb squad.
                        
         Chet gestures to the vast emptiness all around them.
                        
                         CHET
          These guys obviously aren't watching
          you anymore.
                        
                         WILL
          You know, even if they get the bomb
          squad here in time, and they can
          somehow get this thing off me, we
          still gotta answer for the robbery.
                        
                         CHET
          I'll take the heat with you, Will.
                        
                         WILL
          Nah. I'll tell them I forced you
          into it. That you didn't have a
          choice.
                        
                         CHET
          Thanks, man.
          90.
                        
         Will looks at Chet for a beat.
                         WILL
          That's it? You're not gonna think
          about it a little longer? After all
          we went through...tear down the
          relationship, rebuild it...you're
          gonna let me go to prison alone?
                         CHET
          You offered.
                         WILL
          It was a test. Your grade: F minus.
          You know what the "F" is for?
                         CHET
          To fuck myself?
                         WILL
          You passed that test. Failed the
          important one.
         As the guys continue to argue -
         SUPER COUNTDOWN: 1 hour, 28 minutes...
                         CUT TO:
         INT. LAW FIRM, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
         Kate walks down a hallway, turns into an office. Two figures
         rush past from the intersecting hallway and duck behind a
         corner.
                        
         Kate emerges from the office and continues into
                        
         INT. WOMEN'S BATHROOM, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                        
         Kate goes to the mirror, checks herself out. She's been
         crying. She splashes water on her face, then enters a stall.
                        
         The bathroom door opens and Dwayne and Jay enter. Dwayne
         pulls something hairy from his pocket.
                        
         Inside the stall, Kate reaches for some toilet paper...from
         underneath the barrier, she notices two pairs of dirty,
         masculine sneakers. Her breath goes shallow. She takes out
         her cell, quietly opens it. She presses the first 9 in "911,"
         but her keypad volume is on and the phone makes a dull,
         electronic beep that echoes in the quiet bathroom.
                        
          DWAYNE (O.S.)
          Why don't you just slide the phone
          under the door, so I don't have to
          kick it open and see you with your
          panties down.
          91.
                        
         Kate slides the phone out. One of the sneakers crushes it.
         She gets off the toilet, arranges her clothing and steps out
         out of the stall. She gasps at -
                        
         The two ominous men standing there in gorilla masks. Dwayne's
         gun is plainly visible, tucked into the front of his pants.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          What's the quietest way out of the
          building? 'Cause I might get excited
          in a confrontation, and you might
          wind up shot in the face.
                        
         EXT. LIVING ROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                        
         The Major is watching reruns of Three's Company. He doesn't
         laugh or remotely smile at any of it.
                        
         The subtle click of a door opening does not escape his finely
         tuned senses.
                        
                         MAJOR
          Dwayne?
                        
         Nothing. The Major gets up and goes to a desk, rifles through
         a drawer and pulls something out. A simple pen. He clutches
         it like a weapon.
                        
         INT. HALLWAY, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                        
         The Major creeps along.
                        
          VAUGHN (O.S.)
          Just stay where you are, old man.
                        
         The Major turns to find Vaughn pointing a gun at him.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I'm looking for your son.
                        
                         MAJOR
          Even if I knew where he was, I
          wouldn't tell you nothing.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Don't be stupid.
                        
                         MAJOR
          You know, I saved a black man's life
          in the shit. So if I took yours I'd
          be even.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I see where your son gets his common
          sense.
                         (MORE)
          92.
                        
                         VAUGHN (CONT'D)
          But you might want to readjust your
          attitude, because I ain't fucking
          around. I want Dwayne. I don't know
          why you'd want to protect him, the
          motherfucker hired me to kill you.
                        
         If this news has any effect at all on The Major, he doesn't
         show it.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Just tell me where he is!
                        
         Vaughn pulls back the hammer of his gun.
                        
                         MAJOR
          You think I'm scared of death?
          There's a whole generation of gooks
          that think I'm the grim reaper.
                        
         Vaughn shakes his head. Almost imperceptibly, The Major
         repositions the hand with the pen in it. Vaughn is about to
         squeeze the trigger -
                        
         But The Major beats him to it, clicking the pen, which is
         actually a pen gun. It fires a .22 caliber round into Vaughn's
         neck. He drops the gun and clutches the geyser of blood.
                        
         The Major charges Vaughn, jumps on him and wrestles him to
         the ground, trying to jam the pen into the wound in his neck.
                        
                         MAJOR
          I'll ride you all the way to hell!
          I know exactly how to get there!
                        
         Vaughn reaches for his gun. His fingers curl around it and
         he whips it across The Major's face, knocking him backwards.
                        
         Vaughn scrambles to his feet, gun pointed at the felled Major.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          What now, old man!? You can't kill
          me! None of y'all can kill me!
                        
         The Major looks up at Vaughn, once again face to face with a
         loaded weapon.
                        
                         MAJOR
          Go on and -
                        
         BANG!
                        
         The Major goes limp, one searing hole in his chest.
          93.
                        
         Vaughn clasps a hand to his neck to staunch the flow of blood.
         He steps over the The Major's body and continues upstairs.
                        
         INT. BATHROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                        
         Vaughn rifles through the cabinets, dumps all of the first
         aid supplies into the sink. He gets to work on his wound.
                        
         INT. DWAYNE'S ROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                        
         The locked door is kicked open. Vaughn, neck crudely
         bandaged, flicks on the lights and looks around the childish
         room. Chinese Fighting Fish swim in a large tank, seem to
         stop and look out at him like guard dogs.
                        
         Vaughn ransacks the place. He finds a desk drawer locked.
         Takes out his gun and blows it open.
                        
         Vaughn pulls a stuffed file folder out of the drawer. Flips
         through it. It's full of details about Dwayne's plan, the
         tanning salon, etc.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Motherfucker has lost his mind...
                        
         He finds a map of the town in the file. Three locations are
         highlighted: the bank, the boarded up gas station, and the
         radio tower. PUSH IN on the radio tower.
                        
         Vaughn stuffs the map into his pocket. He stops before leaving
         the room, turns and shatters the fish tank with the butt of
         his gun. Water spills out and the Chinese Fighting Fish flop
         onto the floor. As Vaughn lifts a boot to stomp them -
                        
         EXT. ROAD - DAY
                        
         Will and Chet are still arguing -
                        
                         CHET
          Look at the upshot, while you're
          behind bars you can finally finish
          your degree. If I was there, too,
          it would just be a distraction.
                        
                         WILL
          Great idea, Chet. Thanks a lot.
          I'll just sit here and figure out a
          fucking major.
                        
         Will stews. After a beat, his hand goes to his pocket.
         It's vibrating. He pulls out his cell.
                        
                         WILL
          Hey, it's them.
          94.
                        
         Will answers -
                        
                         WILL
          You ready to talk now?
                        
                         INTERCUT WITH:
                        
         INT. MINIVAN - DAY - MOVING
                        
         Dwayne drives with his cell pressed to his ear. Jay keeps
         watch on Kate in back. She is blindfolded, hands bound behind
         her back with duct tape.
                        
                         DWAYNE
                         (INTO PHONE)
          Yeah, I'm ready to talk. I want my
          money. Meet me back at the radio
          tower in 50 minutes.
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          I've barely got an hour left!
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That's the point. I want you on a
          short leash.
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          Fuck that. Give me the code first.
          Then you can have your money. You'll
          just have to trust me when I say
          that I don't want it.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Yeah, I'm sure. You just wanna go
          back to your fantastic life. Your
          great job. And that blonde bitch
          with the sexy voice.
                        
         Will's mind jumps to the only logical conclusion. Roller
         coaster stomach drop. His voice cracks as he asks a useless
                        QUESTION -
                        
                         WILL
          What the fuck is that supposed to
          mean?
                        
          DWAYNE (O.S.)
          It means that girl you paid a visit
          to today is sitting in the back of
          my van right now. And it ain't
          exactly consensual.
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck you! You crossed a line!
          95.
                        
         Dwayne just laughs, maniacally.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          There are no lines! There's just me
          and you and 100 thousand dollars.
          Once we get that shit in order, you
          can have her back, and your life,
          too. So you're gonna show up where
          I say, when I say. Alone. And if
          you try anything stupid, the two of
          you will be delivering pizzas to
          Saint Peter.
                        
                         WILL
          Let me talk to her.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You got ten seconds.
                        
         Dwayne hands the phone back to Jay, who puts it to Kate's
         ear. She is trembling.
                        
                         KATE
          Will...?
                        
          WILL (O.S.)
          Kate, I'm so sorry.
                        
                         KATE
          It's okay...I'm fine...I'm just really -
                        
         Dwayne snatches the phone.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          She's just really gonna die if you
          fuck this up.
                        
         Will absorbs this like a blow to the chest. The line
         disconnects.
                        
                         WILL
          Fuck!
                        
                         CHET
          What happened?
                        
                         WILL
          They have Kate.
                        
                         CHET
          What the fuck does that mean!?
                        
                         WILL
          They took her, man. They must have
          followed us to her office.
          96.
                        
                         CHET
          Damn it! You had to go see her!
                        
                         WILL
          I'm sorry. I messed up...I finally
          messed up worse than I could have
          possibly imagined.
                        
                         CHET
          We gotta get her back, Will. These
          guys are crazy.
                        
                         WILL
          We still got the money. As long as
          we have that, she's alive. Come on.
                        
         Chet grabs the bag of cash. They hustle into the car and it
         peels out, leaving behind a swirling cloud of dust. As the
         sun begins to set -
                        
         SUPER COUNTDOWN: 58 minutes...
                        
                         CUT TO:
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         Two menacing headlights come at us on the empty road. They
                        BELONG TO
                        
         INT. SENTRA - NIGHT - MOVING
                        
         Vaughn holds up Dwayne's map as he drives. He seems to be
         on the right road, headed for the radio tower. He crumples
         the map and throws it in back.
                        
         EXT. SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         The Mustang stops by the gate to the radio tower. Chet jumps
         out and disappears into the bushes.
                        
         EXT. RADIO TOWER - NIGHT
                        
         The Mustang pulls up. Will gets out and looks around the
         deserted place. He holds up the money bag.
                        
                         WILL
          I'm here!
                        
         In the shadow of the nearby shed, the minivan is revealed as
         its interior lights come on. The door opens and Dwayne
         emerges, in his mask.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          How much time you got left?
          97.
                        
         Will takes off the jacket and tosses it to the ground. He
         looks at the timer.
                        
                         WILL
          Ten minutes.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Damn. Maybe we should just wait
          around for the money shot.
                        
         The guys meet in a clearing. Dwayne nods at the bag.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          That the money?
                        
                         WILL
          Maybe. Where's the girl?
                        
         Dwayne grins.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          In the van. Maybe.
                        
                         WILL
          Get her out here. You're wasting time.
                        
         Will grips the bag close to him.
                        
         Dwayne whistles. The minivan door opens and Jay steps out.
         Strapped to his back is the frame pack we saw at his workshop.
         A long tube connects the pack to the handle of a metal pipe-
         like device in his hand.
                        
         Jay helps Kate, still bound and blindfolded, out of the van.
         They approach Dwayne and take up position behind him.
                        
                         KATE
          Will, are you there?
                        
                         WILL
          I'm here. It's gonna be okay.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          This is a fucking tearjerker.
                        
                         WILL
          Just let her come over here.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I will. But you should know, my
          associate over there is packing a
          flamethrower.
                        
         Jay aims the metal device he has been holding. He hits a
         button and a pilot light comes on.
          98.
                        
                         JAY
                         (FLAT)
          Just do what we say. Don't mess
          around or anything.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Unless either of you can outrun a 25-
          foot flame.
          (gestures to gun in his belt)
          Or a bullet.
                        
         Dwayne roughly pulls Kate away from Jay and shoves her
         forward. Will grabs her, pulls her blindfold off and pushes
         her behind him.
                        
                         WILL
          Get back.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I gave you the girl. Now give me
          the money.
                        
                         WILL
          How about we get the code out of the
          way first, since this bomb happens
          to be ticking so close to all of us.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Fair enough.
                        
         Dwayne pulls a slip of paper from his pocket.
                        
                         DWAYNE
                         (TAUNTING)
          You ready to be a free man?
                        
                         WILL
          Just give it to me!
                        
                         DWAYNE
          448921.
                        
         Will keys in the numbers. The timer freezes and the lock at
         the hinge opens. Will carefully extricates himself from the
         vest. He lays it down on the ground and steps away from it.
         His shirt is drenched in sweat from where the bomb sat.
                        
         Will takes a final look at the money bag, then throws it to
         Dwayne. He looks inside, smiles. Jay takes a peak.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It's so fucking pretty, ain't it?
                        
                         JAY
          Yeah. It's awesome.
          99.
                        
         Dwayne looks up at Will.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Okay, you can get out of here now.
                        
                         WILL
          I actually have this sneaking
          suspicion that once we turn around,
          you're gonna put a bullet in both of
          our backs - and this is just a guess -
          burn our bodies.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          They say great minds think alike.
          And in this case, so do we.
                        
                         WILL
          I figured as much. That's why I got
          a gun pointed at you, too.
                         (LOUDLY)
          I got a sniper in the bushes locked
          on you right now.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Do I look that dumb?
                        
                         WILL
          I can't tell, you're wearing a mask.
                        
         Before Dwayne can react, he stops and blinks, something
         shining in his eyes.
                        
                         JAY
          Hey...on your forehead.
                        
         Dwayne's eyes turn upward, just barely making out the red
         dot that dances on his forehead.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Son of a bitch. Well played.
                        
         In the bushes, hidden from sight, Chet carefully aims his
         laser pointer at Dwayne's forehead.
                        
         Will grins at Dwayne.
                        
                         WILL
          We're gonna walk out of here now.
          If you shoot, my sniper shoots. I
          can't guarantee he'll get both of
          you. But he'll definitely get you.
                        
         As Will turns away -
          100.
                        
          VAUGHN (O.S.)
          Hold the fuck up.
                        
         Vaughn emerges from the darkness. He looks at Will.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Wasn't expecting to see you here.
                        
         Without warning, Vaughn cracks Will over the head with the
         butt of his gun. He goes down hard. Kate screams. Vaughn
         points the gun at her and she shuts up.
                        
         Dwayne steps forward with the bag.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          It's all good. We got your money.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          Nice mask, Dwayne. Now throw the
          money over here.
                        
         Dwayne complies. As soon as the bag lands, Vaughn aims the
         gun at him.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Hold up. You don't have to do this.
          I just paid you.
                        
         Kate looks on, terrified, an unconscious Will at her side.
                        
         Vaughn's eyes burn a hole through Dwayne.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I've been hit with a pipe, shot with a
          pen, and wasted my whole motherfucking
          day...all because of you and this job.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I don't know what you're talking about.
          Just take the money.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          I will. And then I'm gonna tie up the
          two loose ends in the gorilla masks.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm not a loose end!
                        
                         VAUGHN
          You're a fucking idiot. You are as
          loose as ends get.
                        
         Panicked, Dwayne's eyes flash over to Jay, who tightens his
         grip on the flamethrower handle. Jay catches Dwayne's eye.
         Dwayne nods. Vaughn sees this.
          101.
                        
                         VAUGHN
          What the -
                        
         Jay rears up with the flamethrower. Vaughn couldn't be more
         surprised to see the device Jay is holding spit a massive
         ball of fire at him.
                        
         Vaughn dives to the ground, fires off two wild shots, one of
                        WHICH -
                        
         Nails Dwayne in the shoulder, spinning him backward and
         knocking him off his feet.
                        
         Kate recoils in horror as: Vaughn scurries madly on the
         ground, intermittently firing, while Jay screams and tries
         to torch him with the 25-foot flame. A hand touches Kate's
         shoulder and she whirls around to find -
                        
                         KATE
          Chet!? What are you doing here!?
                        
                         CHET
          Not now. We gotta take off.
                         (LOOKS AROUND)
          Where's Will?
                        
         Kate looks to the empty spot beside her where Will just was.
                        
         Flames inches from him, Vaughn lines up a desperate shot -
                        
         Good news: the bullet only grazes Jay's side. Bad news: it
         keeps going and punches through the flamethrower backpack,
         which happens to be filled with gasoline, which happens to
         have an incredibly low flash point. So the spark from, say,
         a bullet, would cause
                        
         AN ERUPTION OF FLAMES
                        
         Meanwhile, Will pops up behind Chet and Kate, clutching the
         garbage bag.
                        
                         WILL
          I got the money. Let's get the fuck
          out of here.
                        
         They take off toward Will's car.
                        
         Dwayne groggily comes to...no SOUND, just a ringing. The
         first thing he sees: Vaughn storming toward him, god-knows-
         what spewing from his mouth. Vaughn levels his gun -
                        
         It doesn't make a sound for two reasons. The second being
         that it's out of bullets.
                        
         Dwayne fumbles for his own hardware. Muzzle flash.
          102.
                        
         Vaughn drops to his knees. Pulse snatched from him.
                        
         SOUND SLAMS BACK to the tune of Jay's screams. Dwayne looks
         over to see his friend in flames, flailing his arms and
         shrieking. Dwayne's head snaps to the other side, where he
         sees the Mustang's tires peel. He tears off his mask,
         frantically looks around. The money is gone.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          No!!
                        
         Jay disentangles himself from the backpack, the source of
         the flames, but his clothes are now ablaze. In his frenzy,
         he somehow manages to string together two coherent words -
                        
                         JAY
          Dwayne! Help!
                        
         Dwayne gets to his feet as the Mustang roars down the
         driveway. He looks to Jay, then to his minivan. Dwayne's
         face: Two roads diverge in a wood. Which to take?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Goddamn it, Jay!
                        
         Dwayne sprints over to Jay, rips off his jacket and uses it
         to beat the flames down.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Stop, drop and roll!
                        
         Jay hits the deck. Dwayne continues fighting the flames,
         finally falls on top of Jay with the jacket spread and
         smothers the last of them out.
                        
         Jay looks up at Dwayne with puppy dog eyes.
                        
                         JAY
          You came back for me...you said you
          never would.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          You didn't hesitate back there, Jay.
          You did good.
                        
         Jay smiles. Flames overtake the field all around them.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I'm gonna go put a bullet in that
          motherfucker and get our money.
          Think you can get outta here?
                        
                         JAY
          Yeah. Go get him.
          103.
                        
         Dwayne hurries toward the minivan. Jay stumbles up to his
         feet and limps off toward the woods.
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         The Mustang travels away from the rising flames.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                        
         Will's face is a mess of dirt, sweat and dried blood. He
         and Chet stare ahead, completely shell-shocked.
                        
         Kate looks from one of them to the other.
                        
                         KATE
          Uh...I just got kidnapped.
                        
                         CHET
          Yeah, that was totally Will's fault.
          In case you want to factor that in
          while you're mulling over the whole
          relationship thing.
                        
                         WILL
          I'm very sorry about the kidnapping.
          This is me, taking responsibility
          for it. Growing up. Like a viable
          life partner.
                        
                         CHET
          This man has spied on you in the
          nude before!
                        
                         WILL
          What? No, I didn't.
                        
                         CHET
          He's lying. He's trying to build a
          relationship on a foundation of lies.
          And it won't stand.
                        
                         KATE
          I just got kidnapped! Can we talk
          about that!?
                        
         Something catches Will's attention: a set of headlights
         rapidly growing larger in the rear-view mirror.
                        
         INT. MINIVAN - NIGHT - MOVING
                        
         Dwayne's speedometer is buried past 100 mph. His eyes burn
         with intensity.
          104.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                        
         Will hits the gas.
                        
                         WILL
          Oh, shit. One of those dudes is
          definitely not dead!
                        
         Chet and Kate look out the back window. Chet screams -
                        
                         CHET
          Hurry up! He's already on us!
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         Dwayne's car pulls even with the Mustang.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                        
         Will looks over at Dwayne, who pulls out his gun and takes
         aim. He flashes a sick grin -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I own this town.
                        
         Before Dwayne can get a shot off -
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         An explosion rocks the minivan from inside. The back end is
         lifted off the ground and the car tumbles over itself. It
         lands on its roof and skids into a ditch.
                        
         INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                        
         Chet and Kate watch the burning wreck disappear out the back
         window. They are equal parts confused and happy to be alive.
                        
                         KATE
          What the hell was that?
                        
                         WILL
          That was the bomb I carried around
          all day. I reactivated it and put
          it in the back of his van. I guess
          his time was up.
                        
                         CHET
          "His time was up?" Were you thinking
          that up the whole day?
                        
                         WILL
          I was prepared, yes. I can't help
          it if I'm the kind of guy who thinks
          about the future.
          105.
                        
                         CHET
                         (TO KATE)
          He's not that kind of guy. He doesn't
          think about the future. Ever.
                        
                         KATE
          What exactly happened since I saw
          you this afternoon?
                        
                         WILL
          Primarily, we robbed a bank.
                        
                         KATE
          What!? So you're, like, fugitives?
          What do we do now?
                        
                         CHET
          Yeah, Will. What does the future
          hold?
                        
                         WILL
          Nothing good if we stay in town and
          they pin this on us. Kate, I think
          you should put in for that vacation
          time. Right now. If anyone gives
          you a problem, tell them to fuck
          off. There's 100 grand in that trash
          bag by your feet. A third of it's
          yours.
                        
         Kate opens the bag...smiles through the dirt and grime.
                        
                         KATE
          Will, that's -
                        
                         CHET
          Fucked up. Why does she get a share?
                        
                         WILL
          Why do you get a share?
                        
         Chet stews. Will catches Kate's eyes in the rear-view.
                        
                         WILL
          Airport's 30 minutes away. Pick a
          destination. This time it's not a
          practice run.
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
                        
         The car zooms off.
                        
         SUPER COUNTDOWN: 0 hours, 0 minutes...
                        
                         CUT TO:
          106.
                        
         EXT. DITCH - NIGHT
                        
         Wind fans the flames of the burning minivan. The shattered
         windshield sprouts another crack...then another, as -
                        
         Dwayne's foot kicks it out. He drags himself from the
         smoldering steel carcass. He is a charred, blood splattered
         mess, but he is alive.
                        
         EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                        
         Dwayne is propped up against a sign, lingering on the edge
         of consciousness. The headlights of a lone pickup truck
         approach. Dwayne feebly waves the truck down for a ride.
                        
         INT. NICE HOUSE - NIGHT
                        
         The door opens and Dwayne stumbles through. He has made it
         home. He drops like a puppet whose strings have been cut.
                        
         From where his head has landed on the floor, Dwayne sees
         something odd...long red streaks. He crawls forward on all
         fours to investigate...
                        
         It is a trail of sticky red blood. Dwayne follows it until
         he comes upon its source...the crumpled body of his father,
         lying face down. Dwayne's face: shock and confusion and joy.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Dad?
                        
         Dwayne inches closer, pokes the body. Nothing.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Dad, are you -
                        
         The body emits a low groan. Dwayne rolls it over. His
         father's face is white, he's lost a lot of blood, but he
         isn't totally spent yet. He struggles to speak -
                        
                         MAJOR
          Dwayne...
                        
                         DWAYNE
          What happened to you?
                        
                         MAJOR
          Some guy...said you hired him to
          kill me.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Dad, I...I'd never...
          107.
                        
                         MAJOR
          Look at you...lip quivering like
          you're getting fucked...be a man.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          I am a man! I killed you, didn't I?
          Now I'm gonna use your money to open
          a tanning salon where they let you
          fuck the chicks.
                        
         This stirs something in The Major.
                        
                         MAJOR
          You mean...like those whorehouses...in
          'Nam...I used to tell you about?
                        
         Dwayne softens at the recollection.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Those were great bedtime stories.
                        
         The Major nods. Opens his hand. Reveals a cordless phone.
         Dwayne looks to the bloody streaks down the hall, leading to
         the phone table. The Major dragged himself the whole way.
                        
                         MAJOR
          Medics are late...probably a couple
          lazy spicks...you tell 'em I said
          so...all right, son?
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Sure thing, pop.
                        
         The Major looks up at Dwayne's bruised face, as if for the
         first time.
                        
                         MAJOR
          Hell of thing...I think I
          may...actually respect you now.
                        
         Dwayne's eyes well up. He reaches out, cradles his father
         as he expires. It's like a very bloody, white trash version
         of the Pietà. Dwayne sobs uncontrollably, until -
                        
         He drops his father and pound-pound-pounds his chest in some
         approximation of a life saving resuscitation.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Get up, you pussy! Come on, soldier!
                        
         PULL AWAY as Dwayne pounds the body and distant sirens grow
         nearer.
                        
                         FADE OUT:
          108.
                        
         BLACK. THE DARKNESS RIPPLES...
                        
         Into waves. It's the ocean, long past sunset. PULL BACK to
         find a lone figure staring out at it, sitting on
                        
         EXT. BEACH - NIGHT
                        
         Will. Shirtless. Could be anywhere.
                        
         Chet approaches and sits beside him.
                        
                         CHET
          Fucking nine dollars to use the
          internet.
                        
                         WILL
          And?
                        
                         CHET
          Police think it was that black guy.
          They found some kind of map in his
          car. And I'm sure racial profiling
          played a part.
                        
                         WILL
          But nothing about us?
                        
                         CHET
          Nope. Guess it's time to head back.
                        
                         WILL
          I was thinking we'd stick around a
          little a longer.
                        
                         CHET
          Why? So you have more time to delude
          my sister?
                        
                         WILL
          Yes. And it'd be easier if you gave
          us five fucking minutes alone.
                        
         Chet stares out at the ocean for a beat.
                        
                         CHET
          You really think she's into you?
                        
                         WILL
                         (SWALLOWS HARD)
          I kissed her last night. No tongue.
          Then you walked in.
                        
         Chet just nods. Will gets up.
          109.
                        
                         CHET
          You're gonna go fuck my sister now,
          aren't you?
                        
                         WILL
          I'll be thinking of you the whole
          time.
                        
                         CHET
          At the very least...be a considerate
          lover. Give pleasure, before taking
          pleasure.
                        
                         WILL
          I think I'm reading you. And I will
          try my best.
                        
         Will heads up a trail that leads to a hotel bungalow. Kate
         opens the door, steps out onto the porch.
                        
         Will stops, looks back at Chet. He whistles. Chet turns.
                        
                         WILL
          You're Riggs! You always have been!
                        
         Chet smiles, shakes his head as -
                        
         Will reaches the porch. He stands close to Kate. His nerves
         clock overtime.
                        
                         WILL
          I lied and told your brother I kissed
          you. I thought it would make this
          easier.
                        
                         KATE
          Here's an idea: pretend you have a
          bomb strapped to your chest. Tick,
                         TICK -
                        
         Will closes the gap and kisses her. After a beat -
                        
                         KATE
          Is Chet watching us?
                        
                         WILL
          Probably. We should go inside. I
          promised him I'd satisfy you.
                        
         Kate laughs, leads him inside and the door shuts to -
                        
                         BLACK
          110.
                        
         CREDITS ROLL.
                        
         But they are pushed to one side of the screen, as the other
         side is filled with -
                        
         A lo-fi, 2001-style light tunnel. It deposits us in the
         furthest reaches of the galaxy, where we find -
                        
         A tanning bed. Rotating in orbit. Dwayne's voice booms and
                        REVERBERATES -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          GRAND OPENING SPECTACULARRR!
                        
         The tanning bed explodes, like a star gone supernova. From
         the light and fire and chaos...emerges a logo:
                        
                         MAJOR TAN
                        
         A bad MATCH CUT takes us to the same logo. Camera ZOOMS OUT
         unsteadily to reveal it is a banner above a strip mall
         storefront. We are watching a local commercial with
         appropriately poor production value.
                        
         INT. MAJOR TAN - DAY (LOCAL COMMERCIAL)
                        
         Dwayne walks backward down a hallway while addressing camera
         and trying not to trip -
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Here at Major Tan, our specially
          trained technicians are hard at work
          developing new technologies that
          harness the power of the sun, to
          ensure a cutting-edge tanning
          experience.
                        
         Dwayne enters a tanning room. A man in a lab coat stares
         down at a clipboard, on which a complicated scientific
         equation is written.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          How's it looking?
                        
         The man turns: it's Jay. His smiling face is speckled with
         healing burn wounds.
                        
                         JAY
          It's our most advanced tanning bed
          yet!
                        
         He gestures to a very ordinary looking tanning bed.
          111.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          Hey, don't just take this scientist's
          word for it. The proof...
                        
         Dwayne snaps his fingers. A BAD SPECIAL EFFECT makes him
         disappear, then reappear with a totally orange tan.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          ...is in the tan.
                        
         We follow Dwayne back out into the hallway.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          But Major Tan isn't just about looking
          good. It's also about feeling good.
                        
         Dwayne gestures to another room. The door opens and Juicy
         saunters out in a bikini. A beat later, a RANDOM GUY exits.
                        
                         RANDOM GUY
          That "Deluxe Tan" was fantastic!
                        
         EXT. MAJOR TAN - DAY (LOCAL COMMERCIAL)
                        
         Dwayne stands outside the store.
                        
                         DWAYNE
          So come on down to Major Tan...where
          we're proud to be a family business.
                        
         PULL BACK TO REVEAL...The Major beside Dwayne. He's only
         about four feet tall now, on account of the wheelchair. But
         he's grinning like a jackal, in a POW-MIA cap.
                        
         A SUPERED LOGO appears: Military Discounts Available!
                        
         As father and son smile and wave at us -
                        
         END COMMERCIAL.